 I am not usually hired as a guide, Mr. Poulin. But since you are unfamiliar with our Western frontier, this is one trip I wouldn't want to miss. Have gone. Will travel. Starring Mr. John Daner as Paladin. San Francisco, 1875. The Carlton Hotel. Headquarters of the man called Paladin. Yes. Good morning, Ms. Wong. Come in. It's not condor. You're not in. What did you want, Ms. Wong? Oh, I did not want anything. It's him. Him? Who? This man talks funny. He come look for you one, two, three times. He want to see you very bad. He talk funny, not plain like you and me. Oh. He's here now, right outside door. Well, then show him in. Merci infiniment. Merci. Good evening, Mr. Paladin. Permit me to make your acquaintance. Je suis Jean-Jacques Poulard de la Cité Française. Mr. Poulard. Yes, yes, yes, Ms. Wong. Yes, thank you, Ms. Wong. So, Mr. Poulard, you're with the French Secret Service. Oui, monsieur. What can I do for you? Ah, Mr. Paladin, I need help. What kind of help? I need a guide. A guide? Well, that's not exactly my line. Ah, monsieur, I search for a dangerous man. He has escaped from La Santé prison in Paris and I have searched and searched and now at last I know where he is. Where? In your Sierra mountains. Well, why don't you go get him? No, no, no, monsieur. You do not understand. I am a city policeman. Paris, Marseille, London, New York. I trail my men in these places and I am formidable. But, yes, west, monsieur, the mountains, the wild animals, the Indians. I don't know about these things, monsieur. Do you want a guide or a bodyguard? Perhaps both. My services aren't cheap, monsieur Poulard. Ah, non. I am prepared to pay. Do you certainly understand these matters involved expense? Ah, very well then. Let's say a thousand dollars in advance. Oh, lala. That is, as you say, not cheap, but... D'accord. Very well. Now, how long will it take to assemble the expedition? Expedition. Bien sûr. What will need pack animals, I imagine, a native bearer? We leave in the morning. In the morning? Yes, monsieur Poulard and Don, just the two of us. About, uh, monsieur, I thought... Monsieur Poulard, what does your name mean in English? Poulard? Chicken? That's what I thought. See you in the morning. Again, for the 11th straight year, camel outsold every other cigarette. Filter, king size and regular. The best tobacco makes the best smoke. So if you're smoking more now, but enjoying it less, change to camels. Get more real satisfaction every time. Start to really enjoy smoking again. Have a real cigarette. A real cigarette. A real cigarette. Have a camel. Ah, monsieur Poulard. Oui, monsieur. This man you're looking for, what's his name? Ah, Marius. Ah, who is he, this Marius? How many men is he murdered? Oh, we are not positive that he has murdered any, but we suspect him of many. But what has he done? He escaped from the Sainte prison in Paris, and no one escapes from La Santé. But he did, no? And therefore, monsieur, he must be returned. It is a matter of the honor of the Siereté. Seems like a lot of trouble to go to. Oh, the honor of the Siereté must be upheld at all costs. Oh, yes, I see. What makes you so sure this Marius is up there in the Sierra? Oh, monsieur Thaladin. We French criminologists follow a very useful and profound principle. Oh, what's that? Ah, chercher la femme. Ah, I find the woman. Ah, oui. And I found her in Paris. She had come home after making a small but adequate fortune out here in your west, uh, entertaining. Monique had seen my man. Monique? Monique La Fleur? Ah, bien sûr. Did you know her? Oh, very well. Oh, la, la, la, la. Ah, charmante, m'est-ce pas? Charming? Yes, I guess that would cover it. It was a crazy kind of a job. But I was never a man to argue with a thousand dollars, particularly when it involved no apparent risks. So we spent a pleasant afternoon riding along, reminiscing about our mutual friend Monique La Fleur. That night, we stopped in Hang Town, where I introduced my employer to the dish for which the town is so famous. Now, what do you call this? That's Hang Town Fried. You like it? Oh, Monsieur Paladine, I am tongue between honesty and politeness. Oh, then, Monsieur Poulard, by all means, be honest. Ah, bien, c'est d'execrable et froidable et dégoutant. You don't like it, then. Oh, non. Bah, bah, bah. There he is, Red. A little one with a point of mustaches. He looks like a Frenchie. He talks like a Frenchie. How about it? Are you a Frenchman? Will you excuse it? I am. And who are you? They called me Big Red, and I'm here to tell you Frenchies ain't welcome in Hang Town. We're just passing through. I'm thinking you're going to pass through real fast. How about it, boys? We don't take kindly to having our women stolen. Last Frenchie come through here made off with my girlfriend. I've been laying for him ever since. Yeah, but this, uh, this is a different Frenchman. Makes no difference. He's a Frenchman. Very well. If this is an example of Hang Town's hospitality, we'll be on our way. I'll see you, Will. Scatting? Yeah, Red. Go heat up that kettle of tarp on the Liberty State. Sure thing. And a couple more of you rip up some feather beds. You're going to be on your way, Frenchie on a rail. Oh, wait a minute. Uh, this Frenchman who ran off with your girl, what was his name? I don't know. Everybody just called him Frenchie. Well, was it Marius Moneychance? Well, yeah. Come to think of it, I did hear Lola call him that. Marius, honey, she said a filthy Frenchman. Well, then we have no cause for argument. My companion is from the French Secret Service. He's on his way to arrest this Marius. Yeah, well, he's got to find him first. Oh, he will. Good. When he does find him, he can show him his torn feathers. Yeah. Well, I'm afraid we can't wait for the party. Big Red. Whoa! All right, now, stand back, all of you. With your hands in the air. No, no, wait a minute. You heard me. Stand back. All right, Monsieur Poulin, outside. Get our horses unhitched. Oui, Paladin, tout de suite. The rest of you stay where you are until we're out of town. Now, I'll shoot the first man who comes through this door. Here is your horse, Paladin. Good. Now, as you say in your country, let's fishé le con. Sure. Constipation can be a problem for anyone, even doctors. And when constipation occurs, it's interesting to see just what doctors consider important about a laxative they might use or recommend. Well, a majority of the doctors we heard from had this to say. A laxative should be effective, gentle, as close to natural acting as possible, and a medicine that can be used with complete confidence. Now, x-lax has been popular with many doctors and millions of people over the years because chocolate at x-lax is effective. Overnight, it helps you toward your normal regularity. X-lax is gentle. Next morning, it gives you the closest thing to natural action. And that's why many doctors and millions of people use x-lax with complete confidence. X-lax, the laxative that helps you toward your normal regularity gently. Overnight, is x-lax in your medicine cabinet? On a bright night, you can see your way by the stars in the mother-load country. We took advantage of this ghostly illumination to put a number of prudent miles between ourselves and the vengeful and unreasonable citizens of Hangtown. At last we pulled up on the banks of a little stream and made a cold and cheerless camp. The next morning, the sun was up first. Then quite a bit later, I got up. The little Frenchman was still curled up in a pitiful ball, twitching from time to time with nightmares of tar and feathers. I looked around and saw a bearded, red-shirted miner working his way up the stream, panning the river sand for gold. Eh, Monsieur Poulard, come on, time to get up. Come on. Sleep well? Oh, please, do not mention it. I don't think I can ever move my arms and legs again. Uh, we have company. Oh? Howdy! Hello. Say, we're a little uncertain of our whereabouts, friend. Could you tell us where we are? Well, this here is what used to be called South Fork, but folks have begun calling it Frenchman's Crick. Down stream quite a fur-piece is civilization. Civilization? Yup, settlement called Hangtown. Oh, yes, we're acquainted with Hangtown. But what's upstream? Nothing much. A few abandoned gold camps. Cricks panned out, more or less. But I keep hoping I'll find something the others missed. You said folks have started calling this stream Frenchman's Crick. That's right. Why? Counter-crazy, Frenchman lives up to the head of it. Yeah, Frenchman, what is his name? I don't know, everybody just calls him a Frenchman. What's crazy about him? Well, he's got a claim staked up there. A couple of claims. Only he don't do no mining that anyone can notice. Got a place all fenced in, a big gate with foreign words on the sign. Only two words in English. They say keep out. Well, how far is this place? Well, it's a pesky place to get to. It'll take you the better part of the day, following the stream. Of course, the stream winds a lot. You could go over the mountain that way. Yeah, well, how long would it take that away? The better part of the day. Then it's no shorter. Nope, but you don't get wet. We went over the mountain. And it did take the better part of the day. Towards sundown, we came back once more to Frenchman's Creek and there below us lay a well-built cavern surrounded by clear land. We spurred our tired horses toward it and a few moments later, drew up before a rail gate on which hung the imposing keep out sign that the miner had told us about. Marius must have put up that sign. His guilty conscience is haunting him. Perhaps. Well, where should we go in? Paladin, I am tired and I am angry and I am unafraid of these Marius. Come, we go in. Come on, boy, move. Get in there. Stop! Put your hands in the air. I will relieve you of your weapons, Monsieur. Throw them to the ground. Is it that you cannot read my sign? We read it. You made no effort to hide yourselves. I have watched your approach since you started down the mountain. We have nothing to hide, but it appears that you do. You are hiding your little derringer, Monsieur Paladin. Give it to me. How did you know me? Your derringer, please. Here. Merci. We have a mutual friend, Monsieur Paladin. Monique Lafleur. Oh, yes, Monique. She pointed you out to me once in San Francisco. And she told you about the derringer. He was in the suite of you, Monsieur, and dangerous to reveal to her the whereabouts of the derringer. Under the circumstances, there was nothing else I could do. But you will know, of course. Eh bien, Monsieur, you will proceed to the house. I will be right behind you with a gun pointed at your backs. Proceed. Paladin? Huh? This is Marius. Black hair, black moustache, scar over the right eye. And a pile of Monique's. That's Marius, all right. I shall ask him. Hey, Monsieur. Oui. Appelez-vous Marius? Marius? Qui est Marius? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yeah, you are French, Monsieur, huh? I'm French. Then you must be Jean-Jacques Poulard I am, but how did you know? Monique wrote me you were looking for me. Monique is a friend. Everybody's friend, it seems. Dandruff bothers most men, most women, too, so listen. Today, you can get rid of embarrassing dandruff in just three minutes. Yes, with Fitch, dandruff remover shampoo, unsightly dandruff's gone in three minutes. It's the quickest, easiest of all leading shampoos. That's not all. Using Fitch regularly is guaranteed to keep embarrassing dandruff away. Simply apply in the unique Fitch manner. Before you wet hair, rub in one minute. This way, Fitch shampoo penetrates right down to the scalp. Next, add water. Lather one minute to wash every trace of dandruff out of your hair. Then rinse one minute. All that loosened dandruff goes down the drain. In three minutes with Fitch, one rubbing, one lathering, one rinsing, dandruff's gone. And never forget, gentle Fitch can also leave your hair up to 35% brighter. To get rid of dandruff problems forever, brighten hair, too. Use Fitch regularly. Get Fitch dandruff remover shampoo today. Only 59 cents. All right. We are here. This is Shea Marius. You may be smart, gentlemen. You will stay to dinner, no? Yes. Oh, we'd be delighted as we seem to have no choice. Come, it is settled. I shall tell my wife. Come with me. Enter, please, gentlemen. Thank you. I'll see you, sir. Chérie, viens-toi ici. Ah, ma petite choux, we have guests for dinner. Monsieur, this is Madame Marius. Oh, howdy, boys. How you do. Enchantée, Madame. Your first name wouldn't be Lola, would it? Yeah, that's right. We met an old friend of yours in Hangtown last night. Big red. Oh, is he still sore? I ran out on him. He is. Poor slob. He never had what Marius has. What's more, Marius married me. And taught you to cook. Come, dépêche-toi. I guess I hungry. Oui, chérie. Too sweet. A jewel of a woman, Monsieur. A prize beyond price. But she speaks lousy French. Some more coffee, Monsour? No, no, thank you. It was an excellent dinner, superb. Oh, not since I left Paris have I eaten so well. Thank you, Monsour. Imagine to find Escargot in this wilderness. They are not quite as fine as our snail de Bougogne, but they fatten well on my vine leaves. You have a vineyard? Oh, yes. I shall make my own wine in another year. And this fromage de chèvre? From my own herd of goats. Oh, yes, my friend, we live well here. I regret that I must take you away from all this. But you are not going to. I must. I have a warrant for your arrest. And you have no guns. But don't you see, I cannot return to Paris without you. It would be a disgrace to me, to the certé... Quelle dommage. You see the position you place me in? Regrettable. But consider the position of France. In what way? If you insist on being obstinate, you can ruin France. Impossible. No, no, listen a moment. You insist on arresting me. I refuse. You demand that the American authorities extradite me. I refuse. The American authorities recognize my rights to freedom from persecution. You return to Paris and report this to the certé. The certé brings it before the National Assembly. The Paris newspapers make it a cause celebre. France has been insulted. The headlines scream. War is declared. The French fleet sails to invade the United States. It is her pulse that great loss at Washington, New York and Boston. The flower of French manhood falls upon the Atlantic beaches. France is defeated and forced to pay huge indemnities, which weaken her economically until she sinks to the position of a second-class nation, thus uninging the balance of power in the Grand Alliance and exposing Europe to such dangers of general war that the mind reels at the prospect and at last refuses to look upon the chaos it portends. Oh, no, no. Are you willing, Monsieur Poulard, to be responsible for such a course of events? No. No, I cannot accept such a responsibility. Of course you cannot. You must think of France. Yes, I am. I shall never see her again. I shall become an exile in this savage country where they fry oysters and eggs together. No, no, no, no, no. That far I cannot go. I will not condemn a Frenchman to that fate. What else is there for me? Stay here with Madame and me. Help me tend the vines and herd the goats and haze the chickens and the snails. Can you think of a nobler activity than growing good things for the table? Only sitting down at the table and eating them, Monsieur. So that's how I left in the next morning, hey boy. Feeding vine leaves to snails. Snails? Oh, no likey. Why a Frenchman eats snails when he can't eat good things like bird's nest soup and shawky fin? Well, you know what the old lady said when she kissed the pig. Oh, roast pig good too. Hey, what's she say? Chacun à son goût. You're talking funny. What that mean? That means, hey boy, everyone to his own taste. Oh, nearly forgetting. A lady looking for you while you've been away. Oh, a lady? Lady talk funny too, like you just now. Oh, no. Hey boy, was her name Monique? Yes, Monique Flower. She come back this afternoon. I won't be here. Just tell her to... Hey boy, tell her to follow Frenchman's Creek east of Hangtown over the mountains for the better part of the day. For your who? She'll find what she's looking for. Oh, this miserable cold. And my sinuses. Haven't you heard about Dresstan? 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Of Gunn, Will Travel Created by Herb Meadow and Sam Rolfe, is produced and directed in Hollywood by Frank Parris and stars John Daener as Paladin with Ben Wright as Hayboy and Virginia Gregg as Miss Wong. Tonight's story was specially written for Have Gunn, Will Travel by William N. Robeson. Featured in the cast were Shirley Mitchell, Harry Bartel, Barney Phillips and Marvin Miller. This is Hugh Douglas inviting you to join us again next week when CBS Radio presents Have Gunn, Will Travel.