 Long distance relationships are difficult. Let's be real here. 40% of long distance relationships end in breakup. And most long distance relationships don't even last for five months. So how can you create one that's amazing one where your man misses you and wants to be with you and wants to talk to you again? Today I'm gonna be talking about that. I'm gonna give you the biggest reason why men don't end up feeling like they miss you in a long distance relationship and what you should be doing to make sure that he does. My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you're really interested in getting into a great long distance relationship and making sure that he misses you and he wants to talk to you all the time, then go and get my long distance program that I just got out that I just came out with just launched brand new. There should be a link above or below this video depending on where you're watching it from. Okay, so what's the number one reason why a guy doesn't miss a woman in a long distance relationship? The number one reason is because when you're around him or when you spend time around him you're not all that interesting to him, right? You don't leave a great impression. And that's usually what the problem is. I get women all the time, they're like, oh, well, out of sight, out of mind, right? Like if I'm not there, then he's not gonna be thinking of me. Well, that's only true if you're really boring and when he's around you or he thinks of you it's not exciting, it's not fun, it's not something where he looks forward to talking to you again and that's what you want. And so how do you do that? How do you create this? Now, I know that might have sounded a little harsh but that's the reality of it, right? If you see somebody and you're excited about them and you have a great time and they are gone, all of a sudden you think, oh, I'd love to hang out with that person again. I'd love to spend more time with that person again. But if they're not, you're not thinking that is because when they were around, it wasn't that great. So what can you do? There's something that I call connection cycling and it's a really powerful method to connect with a guy and you can do this whether you're in a long distance relationship or not but if you are in one, it's a really powerful way if you want him to miss you to connect with them. And so it's got four steps. The first one is connection. The second one is shared positive emotional experiences. The third one is distancing and then the fourth one is just repeating it over and over again which is why it's connection cycling because you're cycling this positive emotional connection that you have with them. And so what are some of the mistakes that women make in long distance relationships? One of the big ones is that they try to stay connected with a guy all the time. They think if I'm always in front of him and I'm always talking to him and I'm always connecting with him, then he will really like me and really care about me and feel amazing about me. But that's usually not the case and it's really difficult to stay engaging and to stay interesting if you're trying to connect with them all the time. Oh, by the way, if you're here watching us right now say hello in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching it from. It's really cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. So don't try to stay connected with them all the time. It's not that important to do. And in fact, it's better to give him some space. If you want him to miss you, there's gotta be some space. He can't miss you if you're there all the time, if you're constantly reaching out to him, if you're constantly trying to talk to him, finding out what's going on. Is he okay? Is he thinking about you? Having the same conversation, born conversation over and over and over again because you don't know what else to talk about other than just sending him and saying, hey, what's going on? What are you doing today? Here's what I did. Oh, I did my laundry. That's really cool. And it's like, I want to work. It's boring. So another mistake that women kind of tend to make is they'll go to the other extreme, the other opposite side of the extreme, which is leaning too far back. And what will end up happening then is that a guy will think that you're not interested in him or he might think that you're playing games with him or something like that. And you don't want him to feel that way. Another mistake that a lot of women make is they'll build negative emotional experiences with a guy because they want some type of emotional response from him. And I totally get that and I totally understand that, but you don't want negative responses with him because then he'll start associating you in a negative light and you don't want him to do that. And things that create negative emotional responses are things like calling him and baiting him for certain responses constantly, trying to get him to say that he likes you or that he loves you and asking him if he still likes you and stuff like that or for instance, calling him and trying to seek reassurance from him, right? Like asking him if things are wrong, if he's seeing other people, all that kind of stuff. And another one is calling and texting with him and arguing all the time because you know that's gonna keep him on the connection longer. I get women that talk about doing these things all the time in our community where they'll say things like they're like, well, you know, this is what I did and we argued, but you know, I really wanted to connect with them and it's just, it's the wrong way to do it. And I'll talk about what you should be doing instead here in just a second. So let's talk about the connection part first. And so a lot of women are like, okay, how often should I be connecting with him? How many times should I connect with him? How many days should I connect with him? And should I do it every single day? Should I do it every other day? And really the answer is that it kind of is up to you. You don't need to connect with them every single day. And sometimes it might be better to not connect with them every single day. Some couples want to because they want to stay connected that much but it's actually giving him some room to breathe. It's like when you're away from something for a while, when you come back to it, all of a sudden it's more exciting, right? If you're around something, there's something out there, I can't remember the exact name of it. It's something like the law of, it's about being around somebody all the time. Familiarity, that's what it's called. It's called the law of familiarity. And what the law of familiarity states is that the more that you're around something, the more you start taking it for granted. And so you want to create some kind of distancing. There's something that I talk about in the forever woman program if you have that of mine where you create scarcity, right? You spend some time, you spend some time away because it's that time away that makes him miss you and makes him think about you and makes him wish that he was with you again, assuming that you're doing the right things when you're connected to him. So how do you create a connection with a guy? And there's really two big types of ways that you create a connection. The first one is creating a connection to yourself. And this is really important because the more you create a connection to yourself in the right way, the more that you'll connect with him in the right way naturally, doing it without trying a bunch of things. You don't have to try to do a whole bunch of stuff and play some games and read all my books about how to text a guy because you naturally will come from a place of feeling good, feeling happy, feeling strong, feeling worthy. And so you can use those text messages and the words and phrases and stuff that I teach and you can come from a spot that's really, really empowering which will make you naturally do a lot of those things. And so how do you connect with yourself? What does that even mean? So basically what it looks like is one is changing your belief systems and getting to a place where you really value and you love yourself and you believe that you really deserve a great man and a great relationship. You and I talk a lot about this in the forever woman program, specifically in the forever woman gold club program where you come from a place where you believe that you're a woman who's worthy of having a great man in her life. You believe that you're a high value woman. You believe that you're a goddess, that you're a queen, that you're a woman who deserves all the great things that she wants in her life. And when you come from that space and you connect with a guy because of something that I call the law of belief transference, you will transfer that belief onto him and he will see you and he will think of you as a woman of value that he wants to keep in his life and he never wants to let go of. Another way to connect to yourself is connecting to who you are in the moment, connecting to your emotions, connecting to your body, getting inside of kind of your feminine energy and connecting to yourself in that way. And then when you connect with a guy from being in your body, being in your emotions, being in the moment, then what ends up happening is you connect with him through those things. And most guys are in their head and they're thinking about things and they're very logical or semi-logical, at least they tend to be a little bit more logical. They tend to have more of a difficulty in connecting with their emotions. And so if you can connect with your emotions and then connect to him through that, you'll give him this experience of being in his emotions because you'll trigger those in him and you'll be more mysterious and you'll be more interesting and you'll be all those things that you want him to think of you as in order for him to be attracted and feel good around you and wanna be around you more often. And so the next part is connecting with him and actually your communication standpoint of connecting with him. And basically you wanna use something that I call the emotional range principle. And the way that I talk about this is if you've ever seen a good movie versus a bad movie, right? If you go and see a good movie, overall the movie gives you a positive emotional experience of watching it. That's what makes a good movie a good movie. If you think about good movies that you've seen in the past, whether they're comedies or dramas or whatever, right? Like think of like the classics, like The Godfather, right? If you watch The Godfather, you'll see that there's all these emotions that you experience. You laugh, you cry, you're in anticipation, you're going through all these different things. And because of that, you watch it, you remember it, you wanna see it again, you quote it with your friends, you tell your friends to watch it, you bring your friends together and you watch it together and you watch it over and over and over again, right? You want to be like a good movie for him. And the easiest way to do that is to do what we were talking about before, which is connecting with yourself. Another way to do that is to connect with him and his emotions through communication. And the fastest way to do that is through using questions. Cause what you focus on is what you feel. So remember that what you focus on is what you feel. And if you want him to feel emotions, the fastest way to get him to focus on those things that make him feel something is to ask him questions. So for instance, if I asked you what's something that you're excited about? Like what's something that you're excited about in your life right now? Like what are you anticipating? What are you excited for? What's something that's coming up that you're really excited to experience or do or be a part of? And if I ask you that question and you sit and think about it, you'll start coming up with things that you're excited about and then you'll start feeling that emotional experience of excitement because you're thinking about things that you're excited about. And you can do that for all kinds of different things, right? You can ask him, you know, what's something that you're scared of? What's something that or you can ask him, have you ever gone skydiving? You know, just ask him different questions about different things and it'll elicit emotional responses from him. And the more emotional responses that you elicit from him and he starts to feel the more that he'll associate those feelings with you and then you'll become like that good movie that you watched and he'll want to see you over and over and over again. If you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, ask a question and I will get to it in the end. And if you have any questions about anything, just go ahead and ask them in the chat and I will get to those questions here in a little bit. So the next part that we're gonna be talking about is distancing. So there's a thing that I talk about in the forever woman program and it's this thing called mirroring. And basically what you wanna do is you wanna mirror a guy's interest level in you. And so if a guy's hot, you can be hot. And if a guy's cold, then you wanna be cold. And the biggest mistake that women make around this is when a guy gets cold, they tend to chase after him. They start kinda grasping and they're like, oh, he's pulling away. I need to start doing a bunch of things in order to get him back, right? And that's usually the exact opposite of what you wanna do. Usually instead you wanna pull back when he pulls back but when he's on, you can jump on and kinda do whatever you want to and connect with him in whatever ways you want to because it's not as big of a deal because he's moving forward, he's pursuing you, but once as soon as he, if he starts getting a little bit cold, because there's rhythms in life, right? There's seasons in life. There's times when you are focused on different things. Maybe you're focused on movies and then another time you're focused on working out or you're focused on underwater basket weaving or whatever your hobbies are, right? Whatever it is that you do, there's different seasons that we get into where we focus on different things. And so it's one of those things where he might have his focus on you for a period of time and then take it off of you and put it on something else. Well, that time where he takes it off of you and puts it on something else, you want to pull back. You want to give him space because what it does is it creates a vacuum and it makes him feel like, oh man, like there's this thing that I was really connected to and all of a sudden there's a vacuum and now I can come into that space. And so you want to give him that space and that's what ends up making him miss you. Because he thinks, man, there's this wonderful woman. I felt so good when I was around her and she's so beautiful and classy and high value and I just wanna show her off to all my friends and I've told these people about her and she's different than all the other women that I've met and all the things that come up for a guy when he meets a woman who's different and is using my program, the forever woman. These are the things that he'll say. And so what you wanna do is give him some space during that point so he can miss you and crave you and wanna be around you again and all that kind of stuff. And so when he pulls back, you wanna pull back as well. And so what are you doing when you pull back? That's a very important thing because what women tend to do when they come to me is they're like, okay, this guy pulled back and I'm so mad and we had such a great connection and now it's over and it's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like how about you focus on other things, right? Cause it's, like I said, where your focus goes, your focus, you focus, you feel what you focus on, right? You feel whatever you focus on. And so if you're focusing on the fact that he's gone and that he's doing something else and but he's still online on social media and is he talking to other women, right? You're just gonna get angry. So instead what you wanna do is start focusing on the other things in your life. And number one you wanna focus on is creating an abundance of connection. And I talk about this in my forever woman program as well as well as the Long Distance Allure program. There should be a link above and below this video if you're interested in taking a look at it. And the abundance of connection is really about connecting with different things in the world because we have a need, we all have a need of wanting to get connection. And if this guy is your only real source of connection then you're going to constantly kind of go after connection with him. Instead you wanna have a variety of connection in your life so that you don't need to get connection with him. Instead you can get connection with yourself. You can get connection with animals. You can get connection with friends. You can get connection with family. If you're not in a committed relationship yet and you're doing Long Distance and he hasn't tried to get exclusive with you or any of that kind of thing you should be connecting with other men as well and going on dates with other men and creating an abundance of options that you can have in your life. But you definitely want to have an abundance of connection and this can also be things like a connection to the universe or connection to God or connection to whatever you believe in spirituality. And so that's a really, really important powerful thing that you can do in the place where you're distancing yourself. You're pulling back, you're leaning back, you're giving him some space. But other things that you want to do and this is just my suggestion but what you should really do is put yourself into empowering positive emotional states that you want to experience on a continual basis. And let me explain why. So if you've ever been in a garden if you've ever actually grown some plants and stuff in a garden before one thing that you know is that you have to tend to the garden. You have to constantly go in and clean up and make sure everything's good in the garden. And if you don't, weeds will naturally just grow in the garden. That's just what happens. And if you let the weeds grow for long enough without pulling them out they end up becoming giant weeds and they'll take over the flowers or the plants or whatever you planted in the garden because weeds are really good at growing. And so they'll grow and they'll take over the flowers and the plants and then you'll just have a garden filled with weeds. Well, it's the same thing with your mind. Your mind, we evolved in a world where we had to constantly worry about danger and what was going on. And so we had to focus on all those things but now we live in a world where we're bombarded with information and there's always bad things going on in the world. There's just never ending bad things. And you learn about them in your phone and you can get and learn about these things a minute after it happens and there's a million different sites talking about all the million different bad things that are going on in the world. And so your mind will naturally go to those things. If you want to experience positive emotional states if you wanna feel love, if you wanna feel excitement, if you wanna feel gratitude and you wanna really appreciate your life and feel happy all the time, you have to pursue those emotional experiences. They don't grow on their own, you have to plant them. And so my suggestion is that you continually and do this on a daily basis when you're not around your guy, just become your own source of happiness. And the easiest and fastest way to do that is through gratitude. So think about what you're grateful for on a daily basis. And if you're not grateful for anything, because sometimes I get women that are like, all right, man, I'm not grateful for anything. What could you be grateful for if you really wanted to be grateful? What could you be grateful for? What's going right in your life? What are things that are happening in your life that are great, that are awesome, right? And some of those things might be just the fact that you can feel things, the fact that you can think, the fact that you're alive, that you're healthy, that the sun's out or maybe the sun isn't out, but that you live in a cool place or a great country or maybe that there's beauty all around you or that you're able to live in a good place or that you have a good job or whatever, right? You live during a great time period. You have the ability to connect with people on the internet that you have the ability to get all of this information at your fingertips without needing to do necessarily almost anything. And so what are you grateful for? That's, I'm friends with people from all walks of life, from people that are super rich to super poor, from people that live all over the globe. I'm friends with people all over the place. And one of the things that I found is that it doesn't matter how rich you are, it doesn't matter how successful you are, it doesn't matter any of those things. I know some people that are billionaires, that are some of the most miserable people I've ever met in my life. And I've met people that barely can make enough money to pay their rent every month. And they're some of the happiest people I've ever met in my life. And so it's not about how successful you are, but it's about how grateful you are and how much you can focus on the things that you appreciate and that you love in your life. And the reason that this is really valuable is because when you go back to the guy that you're connected with, then, and you're in a happy mood, it's easy for him, one, to make you happy. And two, it's easy for him to win with you. And a guy wants to be with a woman who he can make happy, who he feels like when he's around her, she's happy and she's enjoying her life. And his presence makes her more happy. And if you're already happy, that's what's gonna happen is having a guy in your life is only gonna enhance your life. You're not gonna be desperate to cling on to a guy because you're gonna have a guy, because you're gonna be your own source of happiness, your own source of love, your own source of feeling great in your life. And you're only gonna allow a man in who enhances your life, who doesn't suck from your life and who you don't need to make you happy. And that's incredibly important. And if you want a really high quality guy, you need to become your own source of happiness. And so that's what I suggest, is that you focus on your own happiness and two, focus on being your own source of value. So reinforce the beliefs that you're enough, that you're worth it, that you're worth more than crappy behavior from men and that you're worth being in a great relationship with because that, like I said, with the law of belief transference, you'll transfer those beliefs to the guy. And the second thing that you should focus on is what you want, what you want in your life. So get busy thinking about and focusing on and creating the things, more of the things that you want in your life. One of those things is emotions. Another one is a great relationship. And other things might be, you know, having lots of fun or being successful or whatever being happy and successful and what you want looks like, that's what you should be focusing on. So that's it for today. If anybody has any questions, I would love to jump in the chat here and see what kind of questions people are asking. I may have actually ended up not going to the questions first. So if you have any questions about anything, let me know if you're interested in my program about how to make a guy miss you in a long distance relationship, you can check that out as well. So let's see here. Questions, questions, questions, questions, questions. Oh, there is something. All right, we're having some technical difficulties here. So thank you so much for being here today. I would take questions, but it looks like we're having technical difficulties. So I will just plan on ending this right now. And I will just say thank you so much for being here with us today. I'd love to answer your questions. And unfortunately there's something wrong with my technical equipment and I'm not getting any of the questions. Let me try to see if I can go to the places where everybody is and see if there's anybody asking any questions there. So Dejuven sure says, how can you manage long distance relationships? Well, I have an entire program on that that you can get. There should be a link above and below this. And it depends on what you mean by manage long distance relationships. You should do all the things that I was just talking about in this live stream. That's the first thing that you should do. It's all the things that we were just talking about. And all right, well, it looks like we're having a hard time getting people on here. So I thank you everybody for being here. I guess I will speak with you again soon.