 Number seven. Value comes from time, not money. Value comes from time, not money. I have to say that twice because it's so easy to fall into the trap that anything of value has a monetary value attached to it and the only thing that matters is money. Especially when you're starting your career, when you're just getting things going, even when you're starting the company, we were so focused on you got to make another dollar, you got to make more money, you got to grow this thing, you got to grow this thing and everyone gets so concerned about finances, they don't realize that the one thing in life that everyone cares about, again going back to that deathbed, is quality time. Quality time, experiences, spending it with people that you love and care about. That's the hardest road, right? I know personally for myself, there's been opportunities to use my time to help somebody else out, but I didn't have it. So it's like, well listen, it's a benefit show, it's a charity, I'll just send them 50 bucks, I've done my part. When in actuality, just me going there, giving my time, would have helped out much more. And it's nice to be in a position where if I can't be there, well then I could throw a few dollars in that person's direction, but I know that what they were asking for was more help than here's 20 bucks. And that's sort of my extension of this, is time to me equals relationships. Yes. It's time invested in other people and you can't get that back, you can't retrieve that, you can trade time for money, you can make more money, but it doesn't work the opposite way. So are you investing in yourself and the people that matter in your life? Or are you investing time, thought, and care in people that don't matter, people that are simply following you on Instagram? And I know for a lot of people listening to this, if you don't have a lot of stuff going on, it seems like, well, I have all the time in the world, that's not a big deal. As you start to build a social circle that is full of high value people and you start to get moved in a direction where your time becomes, started to become more and more important, you will find that all of a sudden, if you look at it as a pie, pie chart, that you, that's, it's fine. You only have so much and then you have to start figuring out who gets what and what, what talents, what hobbies, what interest, your career. You start dividing it up. You'll realize that there isn't much to go around. And listen, I'm in my 30s, Johnny's in his 40s. We're talking about truths here that took us decades to learn. And some of them we're still realizing right now as we get through this list. So I think to Johnny's point, right, these are going along with life's lessons here. And some of you listening are like, wait a second here, I disagree with that. I don't think this is a truth, right? These are things that we've discovered that have happened throughout our lives up until this point where we had a paradigm shift, right? Where all of a sudden I stopped focusing on, well, I got to get that extra dollar. And now I'm focused on how do I get that quality time with the people that matter to me? How do I make sure that if I am in Miami, I'm soaking it up? I don't know how many more times I'm going to be flying down to Miami. Absolutely. Right. And even when I travel on vacation, it's so easy to be like, oh, I'll come back to Paris. Really? Are you going to come back to Paris? Probably not. And those are the things that you're going to remember on your deathbed. Those are the things that you're going to be reminiscing on. I don't think you're going to be sitting on your deathbed counting 20s and hundreds. And to that point, you can't take it with you. Yeah. And I certainly hope not because that doesn't... All the research points, it's those relationships that you look back upon and wish you had more time to see that. Speaking of studies. Yes. So in preparation for this, we were looking at the Harvard study of happiness. This tracked happiness in people over 80 years. And they looked at the data and their conclusion of the definition of happiness is relationships, quality relationships in your life. And we all have heard loneliness kills. We know that loneliness, and to a degree, even what we're seeing in the media right now with these mass shootings and what's going on with people who've been outcasts from society, choosing violence as an option. Loneliness leads you to dark places. Tough choices. Yes. And true unhappiness. So I don't know too many relationships that you can buy. There certainly aren't relationships that you can buy that are legal. Paying for relationships is not going to equal happiness. The only way to get that relationship that leads to happiness is to investing time and energy in other people. Well, and to go along with that, I mean, if you go down that dark road, you will be able to find others in that position online and have that echo chamber. And you'll you'll really find yourself in some dark places, even places that you never thought you could ever find yourself in. And you've seen them. I heard. I heard stories. And another common thread for a lot of bootcamp participants is this idea that I'll just throw everything at my career. I'm just going to put all my focus and energy on my career accumulating wealth. And if I just receive X amount in my bank account, if I just have X number of possessions, if I just have this one materialistic thing, then I'll unlock happiness, then everything else will fall into place, then I'll get the girlfriend, then I'll get the friends, then I'll get the life that I want. Yeah, or then I can go and do my trip across Europe. Then I can go finally start that side hustle finally focus on that passion, pick up that guitar. Yes. When you focus solely on that and set aside all these other things, relationships, quality time, passions, interests, talents, even. We keep talking as if your deathbed is inevitable for everyone. Yeah. As if everyone's going to live till they're 90 and lay there reminiscing all those sweet thoughts of dancing in Miami and partying in Ibiza. There's no guarantee that there's a deathbed for a lot of us. Exactly. There's no guarantee that you're going to be able to reminisce about that time. This eventuality happens randomly for everyone. Yeah, we got organs that have a time limit and an expiration date that you don't know about. Typically, what we've found that's so intriguing is the guy in the room that will get up and say, oh, I spent my 30s working on my career and now I finally am ready to set aside some time for a significant other or finally make some friends. He's sitting next to the guy in the couch who's through his 40s going, I wish I had started this on my 30s or 20s or teens. I wish I was young enough to go back and do this. You know, one of the sayings that that changed how I looked at things like that was someone had mentioned to me, you will do what you want to do. And I thought about that and it was one of those things that I that I'm saying that I heard that I was like, well, now I have to adjust my life because he's exactly right. If I really wanted to play video games, I will figure out a way in my schedule to play video games. If I really want to work out, then I will figure out a way in my schedule to make sure that I work out. If I really want to go playing a band and go to rehearsals, I will figure out a way to go ahead and do that. So don't tell me that there are things that you want to do that you are not doing, because if you really wanted to do them, you will figure out a way to get it done. And it was it was it was sayings like that that allowed me to get more involved in trying to to to be a better writer, to learn about certain things, to challenge myself in new ways, because I couldn't say I just don't have time. Well, if I wanted to do it, I will figure out a way to be able to do that. And it's one of those sayings that that had brightened my life out so much more with so many new opportunities and so many great things that I've been doing lately. And when was that realization for you, Johnny? I think it had come in levels, but it was about I don't know, maybe about three or four years ago, I heard that and realized that there was things that I wanted to do that I wasn't doing. We always make these choices and then these false choices, right? Well, I have to and this has to take priority over this other thing and that's a justification and an excuse, but it really is a choice. Everything comes down to that choice. You make a decision to get up before the sun is up to get that workout in to set the tone for the rest of your day so that you're energized and focused or you make the choice to say, oh, I'll get to it after dinner and then you don't get the workout in and then that rolls into the next day. You know, it's so funny when you're hanging out with people who maybe are not involved in self-development or look at things in this manner. So when you hear something like, oh, I would always like to do that and you say, well, why aren't you doing it? And they look at you like you're insane. Well, they're like, what do you mean? Why am I I'm busy? And then you try to, well, you will do what you want to do. And then they get mad. You're like, oh, so now you're telling me how to live my life. Well, I'm just saying you're making choices. You're making choices. Are you making the right ones? Number eight, don't actively search for happiness. What? This is such a foreign concept to a lot of people. Well, it was the one of the first things that I learned when I got into self-development and I mentioned this on the podcast a few episodes ago that I was under the impression that I had to go out and get happiness. I had to achieve it. I had to find it. And then I had learned that it was something I could just be. And I was talking about this over the weekend that not only was it that I learned it was something that I could be, that at the end of the day, if I look back upon that day and I, for whatever reason, I wasn't happy, right? There is an opportunity for tomorrow to do something different that would fix that or at least lead towards this. Start actively making choices. They're going to get me there if it's not being managed at this point. And to this point, right? A lot of times we don't celebrate the small bits of happiness, the small moments because we're chasing the larger ones, the massive victory, the shooting your best score in golf. We don't celebrate the small victory of, hey, I hit three greens in a row. Hey, I just sank two long putts. I've never done that, right? We get so caught up in the payoff, the bigger happiness. I need this one big thing to happen, then I'm happiness, that we miss out on all these other smaller moments, more intimate moments, these tiny opportunities for us to choose to find happiness. And that was to your point, that choice, right? You're either choosing to see the things that you want that will make you happy or you're choosing to see the negative things that will make you angry, upset, frustrated. And my friends know this about me and know that I'm easily excited and easily happy and I look for those things. And what they'll say about me, they're like, oh, you're a cheap date, you're a cheap date, aren't you? Easily happy, easily excited. I'm like, well, I'd rather be that way than everything just being so difficult, right? For instance, we were at Topgolf this weekend and I'm dinging balls, left, right, and we've been out to the range a few times and a few par threes for my advantage. And it doesn't go so well. And I was getting a little bit frustrated because, you know, I want to start to smack at some balls out there and you gave me a couple pointers and I immediately implemented them. And I think I hit four in a row straight and lofty and I was on cloud nine for the rest of the day. And people are like, oh, you're a cheap date, is that all it takes? Actually, yeah, it is all it takes. You know, that was fun. It allowed me to enjoy the rest of the day. And, look, I had me something to look forward to until I get to the next plateau in the driving range. And that's the thing, you know, this cuts both ways, right? It's that flashlight analogy. You have an opportunity to shine your flashlight on the things that make you happy or the things that make you sad. And you could have gone the other way. Oh, I hit four terrible shots. My day is a wreck. What a waste of time. Why did I even come down here to Miami? Flip the table, right? Yeah, we can look at those four shots compared to how many were dinging off the wall. Searching for the next win, searching for the next happiness and constantly actively searching for happiness is a folly to fool Zaryn. You're not going to find it that way. It's being present in the moment and taking a step back. And that's one of the biggest reasons that we're such huge fans of journaling and writing down these thoughts and looking for ways to be grateful to express gratitude and to find those small moments of happiness instead of searching for this massive payoff. Yeah. And you know, if you need a reason to be happy right now, go read Enlightenment Now by Stephen Pinker and realize that the norm of civilization. Where we are in the arc of civilization and the fact that we have a super computer in our pocket right now. Yeah. And then access to everything. And that at any other point in life would have been pain, suffering, you'd been dying just from a tooth infection, like dysentery. I mean, Oregon Trail, right? All the things you could die from on playing Oregon Trail. That was real life. Right. We have modern medicine. We have technological advances that have made our lives far more comfortable to take a time machine backwards and think that their generations before are more comfortable. And if you have no reason not to be happy and if you're listening to this life ain't so bad. I would like to think so. Yeah. We have a tiny device playing an MP3. I believe three generations ago that you'd be viewed as a God. You'd be celebrated. Number nine, don't forget who you are. This is why we have that mental models and frameworks episode. Absolutely. To highlight where we came from, who we are, what we're about, and put some perspective on it. It doesn't mean you aren't going to change and shift and grow, but you should always remember where you came from. And the people that help support you on this journey, getting you there, your family members who've been there through thick and thin to allow you to mature and grow. And also if you are going to make changes moving forward, you're going to have to understand how you got here, how you got that path. And if you can see that, you can a lot easier to make the changes because if you don't have any idea, you're not going to be able to correct anything. You're not going to be able to look at it for what it was, the mechanisms piece by piece that put you in this position. And you have a great quote from Bootcamp. I'm probably going to mess it up, so I'd rather you just say it. But it's the goal is never as far as you think. Yeah. It's when we're looking to achieve certain things or fix anything. There's going to be a lot of work that goes into it, especially building new habits and losing weight or getting fit. All these things come into play. Social skills, public speaking. Absolutely. It's a learning process. And it would never happens as quick as you would like it to. But it's never going to be as long as you think it's going to take. And the other thing is you're always the last one to know. To realize it. To realize it. We always, the saying in music is you're always the last one to know you're a rock star. Everyone else that views you in that way, everyone sees you as who's accomplished a lot of things. But you're so focused on this goal that you can't even see how far you've already came. And even where we are, we have the same fallacy, the same issue. We're laughing like I can't believe this person wants to work with us. I can't believe they view us as successful. We can't even see our own success. It happens to everyone. And I know as we coach clients, as we work with people on their social skills, it's easy to put the coach up on this pedestal. Like the coach is infallible, the coach has all these securities and I'm going with the insecurities. We all have these same thoughts and feelings and self doubt. Yes. Understanding that it's important to realize how far you've come and have that grounding and check-in, right? How many times have our friends, Johnny, outside of the business that we run, our friends from back in the day, you know, cracked us upside the head a little bit and called us out on some things? Oh, yeah. Right? It's pretty easy to surround yourself with yes men, with people who celebrate you, people who think you're infallible and elevate you, and not to have that grounding of, well, remember where you came from, AJ? Remember what it's all about here. Keeping those people, keeping that perspective in your life can be healthy. Well, yeah. I mean, we live in Hollywood. How easy is it to get sucked into all the plastic tree and everything else, right? Like the whole the works. It's very easy. The other thing is to go along with the other point eight that rolls into point nine is that when I was younger, I had, I went on the, what is it, the the correct terminology of the hamster will of I'll be happy when I get to this point and then you get to that point and then you move. I'll be happy when I get to this point and you find just once you realize that that's no matter what you achieve, you're not going to get there. At some point you have to stop and go, okay, that's flawed and I have to fix it. And that's why I love number nine of having your roots, understanding who you are and where you came from and being happy in the moment and then looking at the challenges that I'm going to put ahead of myself and understanding what I need to fix from my past in order to achieve them and that you can be happy doing that, that it's actually fun. And I think this is also a healthy perspective of remembering all the other challenges you've faced and overcome. Absolutely. Right? Sometimes it's so easy to shine that flashlight on the challenge ahead and think, oh my god, this is insurmountable, taking a step back and putting some perspective of all the other challenges throughout your life you overcame. I remember, so Amy's sister is applying for colleges right now and going through the essay writing and I was remembering when I was sitting at home waiting for the big envelopes from college. Yeah. Right? How did I get in and you get the small envelope? I didn't get into my school. And I remember I got the small envelope from the University of Michigan and I was distraught. My grandma's consoling me in the kitchen saying it's going to be okay, you're waitlisted. How could this be? I did everything. Right? And as a teenager, that was it. That was the payoff. That was the big goal. If I just get into Michigan and make my dad proud, everything will be amazing. I'm waitlisted end of the world. I lose my appetite. I don't want to go out. I don't want to tell my friends. I can't believe this happened. I screwed up. Do you know how often I think about being waitlisted at the University of Michigan? Rarely, if ever, outside of this episode. In fact, I never heard that story either. It's so easy to see that one challenge in front of you is insurmountable and life-ending and this is awful. Yes. It's helpful to take a step back and remember who you are, where you've come from and all the other challenges that you've overcome. Yes, absolutely. And to go back to you made mention of people feeling lonely and getting depressed. And I think there's a lot to be let's say an outcast in high school and then thinking is this what the rest of my life is going to be and to understand that that's just that point in time. If you take responsibility, you're able to do something to start fixing that in that moment. You're above that moment. You're more than that moment. Absolutely. I love that perspective. You're more than that moment. Number 10, give time. And this is what we mean by value, right? I define time as value. It's the most valuable resource as we talked about in point number seven. If you are giving someone value, essentially you're giving them your time. You're paying attention to them. You're accepting them. You're acknowledging them. You're appreciating them. That all takes time. That is not something you can just trade dollars for. So if you just focus on giving value and if this is a foreign concept to you, double back to our earlier episodes, 693, 694, and 695, we lay it all out. We define what we mean by value. We talk about some low value and high value behaviors. But giving people time, giving people time to grow, giving people an opportunity to change their impression of you, giving people a second chance. That's what we mean by giving time to people. You know, it's something you mentioned there about giving people time to grow. How many people have we met in the course of this company that said to us when we first encountered them, you're not ready for us. You're not ready for our partnership. You're not ready for this part of your company yet. And being upset, they're like, well, that guy doesn't know what he's missing. We had this going on. I can't believe this. Only to realize five years later, six years, seven years later, oh, now it's time that we were able to grow. We did the right things. And people setting up of like, you guys got a little something. We'll see what you can do with it. But I'm not ready to get in bed with this idea yet. It's hard in the moment to hear that. Rejection's not easy. Fear of rejection drives a lot of people to the program and the boot camp. But hearing it and now coming out the other side and being able to put it into perspective, you know, giving yourself time to grow, giving other people time to grow is an important truth, an important concept. And I think in today's day and age, it's so easy to write people off. It's so easy to find some reason with all these options for friends and relationships. Oh, that person likes this. Oh, that person went here, write them off, write them off. Yeah. Some of the most valuable relationships that I have in my life currently it wasn't necessarily the greatest first impression. Sure. I mean, I remember us meeting each other and we laughed about this on an earlier episode, right? It took a little bit of time. Sure. It took a little bit of effort, but those relationships survive and matter. Number 11, embracing gratitude. Yes, this is something that I may mention earlier that if you there's you have every reason in the world to be happy right now in this moment and you have every reason in the world to have gratitude that you're living right here in this moment because it could be a whole hours. Absolutely. And also this idea of being grateful for the people and experiences that you've been fortunate enough to have in your life. It's so easy to focus on the next thing, the next great opportunity that we can lose perspective easily of all those tender moments we've had with loved ones, all those experiences we've been able to share with people in our lives and to actually be grateful for the time and energy and effort that other people give to us. You know who really helped me with this concept? It was listening to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History because at the time of like anyone who gets into that show, you've listened to this in high school, you've learned about World War One, World War Two and all that stuff, but Dan has a way of humanizing the whole experience where you're you feel like you're just dealing with it as it's there. He lays it all out in just such a way that you really have an idea, well at least for me, that I never had before of just what was going on in everyone's minds and realizing that those lessons of the 20th century is something that no one wants to revisit. If we continue to be smart and learn from that, we won't have to. Well, we'll see, right? This is on the doorstep of nuclear Armageddon here. But it was hearing about those stories and learning about those lives and those situations that allowed me to truly appreciate where I was and what I had going on and what my world was like. And I think going along with gratitude, being grateful for where you are, is also this ability to show compassion and have empathy for others and understand and take a step back. As you're talking about, one of the main reasons that Dan Carlin I think is so powerful is he gives you that perspective, right? So I remember sitting through high school history classes and being like, oh, this happened, this happened, history teacher just outlines. There's a timeline, right? You're writing down the years, you're trying to memorize dates. And that just seems so far away and these people are so alien. Right. And you can't put yourself in their shoes. You don't have that perspective. What Dan does really well is he draws the metaphors from today's day and age of what it would be like, what this experience would be like for us living it now so we can draw on that perspective. The same thing with gratitude. It's being grateful for the people around you and your experiences but it's also having some perspective, putting yourself in other shoes and having compassion for what they're going through and not just blanket writing people off for one negative action one negative view one way that they hurt you. You know, it's funny. I have a tendency to listen to a lot of tragic stories via podcast history. I know, man. And sometimes I couldn't even work myself up to have nightmares because I get so... Johnny's in a funk because he's listening to the Israeli Palestinian conflict. Yeah, I get so entrenched in some of these stories and ideas. However, that's the negative. The positive is the appreciation for everything that I have now that I personally I'm not having to experiencing these things. It's twofold. And I love these stories and certainly the way some of these people like from Daniel Benelli, Dan Carlin, Daryl Cooper that have done and Jocker Willink have done a wonderful job of painting these wonderful beautiful stories that are, yes, horrific but on the other end make you so grateful. Right. Moments that give you gratitude for not sitting in the fox hole being shot at with machine guns for the first time. Yes. I would agree with that wholeheartedly. Number 12. This is a heavy duty one. Yes. I want to promise this one because this is... Oh, yeah. This I'm starting to feel a little like jocco right here. Right. This is me dreaming is for losers. Start doing the work. Yeah. Get on it. Everyone has dreams. Everyone has aspirations and if we were to even try to attempt to quantify the people over the last decade who've given us advice and trying to tell us how we should be doing things in perspective and dreaming up different ways for us to make money. Dreams happen. Dreams are a diamond dozen. Yes. Everyone has visions for what they can and can't do. Oh, I envision the iPad. I envision the iPhone. I envision the iPod before it was... Guess what? You're not Steve Jobs. You're not Apple. You didn't come up with it. Just because you dream something doesn't mean it's reality. Dreams everyone can have. The action, the work, the results not everyone can have. Start doing the work. I understand that there's value to vision and dreaming out the future and setting goals and mapping out where you want to be. But it's very easy to spend a lot of time dreaming and spinning your wheels and visioning and not doing and not taking the action necessary to get the results. And I think this is another downside to the internet where if you have a curiosity about something you'll ask some friends and they'll give you some advice and then you'll start doing it. But in today's day and age you have some questions about things and how to do something and you just do these endless deep dives and never actually get started to figure it out for yourself. But yet you're a... And how many people do we know who are complete experts on everything but it's never done a damn thing? Yeah. And we flip around and running a business we're like well actually we're probably experts and only a handful of things. Maybe one or two things I would label myself an expert. And we'll figure out the rest. I'm actively learning on the rest. But it comes from action. And that's how we're learning. And same thing. Many men many women over the years have dreamt up electric cars that can seat eight people and get you from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Yeah. I like the thing... There's only one who's turned it into a reality right now. Yes. And I was laughing at the other day I think and I'm sure you understand this as well because you and I have both had to learn a bunch of new skills and put on some different hats. And we were looking some old videos that were from years ago. And I had to remember that I edited those. Like I've I've lost more skills than I that I have just from doing all these different things. Let's not call your video editing a skill just yet. Well, yeah. Yeah, a little ahead of ourselves. I fudged around. I would put a few things together. I wouldn't really call it editing. But but if I had to do it now I had to learn even to that point all over again. Right. And it wasn't very... Well, we're we're launching a YouTube channel here shortly. And we were trying to pull some old footage over the last 11 years building the company and put it into a little intro video. And I have to say it was fun going back through and seeing all of the evolutions both us personally and professionally on video. And I'm happy we had someone recording it. But to this point, right? We are constantly asked for advice, feedback, guidance. Almost daily. The number of people that follow through and come back with Hey, AJ. Hey, Johnny. I did that. It worked. It didn't work. They actually took action. What's the next part? I could count on maybe hands and toes. Well, this is one of the things that you have put together so nicely when it comes to seeking out mentorship. So would you like to elaborate on that? I think it again comes down to, you know, everyone wants to be mentored. Everyone wants to learn from the best. Everyone wants an opportunity to pick someone else's brain and get that knowledge. Right. Very few people are willing to do something with that knowledge. Yeah. And from a mentor, mentee perspective, right? A mentor, the most value that they're going to derive is seeing their thoughts and their views in action need to results. Yes. That's what motivates the mentor. Seeing results, not your dream book, not your vision board, not your journal, but what are the end results of all of these things? And for a lot of people who are successful, they want to prove that it wasn't a stroke of luck. Yes. It wasn't a one-off. It wasn't a lightning strike. It wasn't a lightning strike that got them to that success in their career. Once they've reached that pinnacle, they want to find ways to bring other people up to that level to prove that value that they provide is more than just luck. And when you can come at a potential mentor listening but taking action, that's when that relationship really sings. And, you know, not to toot my own horn at all, and I certainly would not consider myself a business mentor, but the number of people over the years that have approached us asking for help and guidance on this. And, you know, I, in the beginning, I used to get all amped up. I'm ready to go. Okay, let's sit down. We'd whiteboard and draw things for hours and, oh, I figured out this and, oh, check this out. Months, years later, no action, right? A lot of spinning wheels, and it can be frustrating when you're trying to help guide someone to that success that they're after. So dreams are for losers. Yes. Start doing the work. Start putting the boots on the ground. That's what matters. Where the rubber meets the road is what we're talking about here. Having a dream is helpful to success, but if that's all you have, you're not going to be successful. And as we said earlier, you'll do what you want to do. If you really want to do it, you'll get started on it. Yeah, you'll figure it out. And that's the great part about, to Johnny's point, right? Where we are in history. Yes. With this phone in our pocket, this iPad in front of us, we can dial up any piece of information imaginable. How to do this, how to do that, someone's viewpoint, and how to do anything. And guess what? The person who will tell you how is some 11-year-old kid in some far-right way. Country who could do it a million times better than you ever dreamed. And he's already off and running. Yeah, he's taking action. Yeah, exactly. Number 13, stop reacting negatively. This one, it's a struggle for all of us. Of course. It's very easy again to allow those emotions to get the best of you and allow the negative thoughts to seep in. But the analogy that I love so much and again to borrow something from Johnny, I've been sitting in on Johnny's lectures if you haven't noticed. We are in control of our thoughts and emotions and reactivity and I like to think of it as the gardener. Yeah. And you have the option of pruning and picking those weeds every day and watering the plants that you care about or neglecting and letting those weeds and negative thoughts overrun and dictate your actions and emotions. So when you allow this negative reactive state to guide you to be that flashlight for you and your actions, you're setting yourself up for failure. And reactivity leads to increased cortisol. It leads to stress. And ultimately that stress leads to an earlier death bed that maybe you deserve. Understanding that, yes, there are always negative things that are going to happen. The more resilient you are, the more able you are to adjust to life's curveballs and laugh at them and call them just that, right? To our greater point in last week's episode, improv, having a sense of humor, breaking out of your comfort zone and letting things slide. And being able to laugh at mistakes. Yeah. In the moment it could be a little hard but pushing yourself the next day to revisit that and have a laugh at it. Not allow that negative emotion to turn into two days, three days a week, etc. I want to also go into how I don't think a lot of people understand the full working picture of how negativity affects your life. And I want to equate it in this manner. No one also sees how this little Debbie snack cake is going to affect their life either. But if you eat a little Debbie snack cake every time you want one, you're going to have some problems. And if you can, if you're going to be negative to just let it fly every time that you feel like it, that's going to end up becoming a problem. Why is that becoming a problem? Like little Debbie snack cake is becoming a problem because you are training your brain how to think. And if you allow yourself to go down a negative path every time something pisses you off, then you will only and fuel that to continue and foster. A shorter and shorter fuse, right? Absolutely. And before you know it, you are painting a full lens of how you view the whole world every time that you you allow yourself to do that. And let's just say that for 10 years, you've done this for 10 years. You've been eating a little Debbie snack eggs. And are you going to have a hard time getting back in the shape after doing that for 10 years? Absolutely. Do you think you're going to easily just flip a switch and you're just positive? You're just going to be positive after 10 years of doing this? No, you have a lot of work of reprogramming and setting yourself back up. And and if you think getting yourself back in the shape after 10 years is difficult, I got news for you. Good luck with your brain. It's just it's as simple as that. And people don't look at the way they use their brain as the way they use their body, but it's one and the same. I'm here to tell you it's the same thing. And like attracts like. So if you are reacting negatively and it's become a trigger for you, guess what? You're also attracting negative people into your life. Yeah, positive people don't want to hang around people that are constantly negative. No, because they understand what will frame their whole vision. Absolutely. And we talk about you only get as high as your five closest friends, the people that you spend time with invest in and build relationships with their worldview influences you. If you have a problem and all of your friends are negative and you phone up that friend and say, hey, my car broke down and they catastrophize and tell you that it's the end of the world. Well, you're going to get worked up and you're going to feel like it's the end of the world. It's going to be very tough for you to be positive when four people in your life are telling you negative things and it's going to be very tough for positive people to stay in your life. If your response to every stimulus is an overreaction is negativity and positive people like people who are in shape know what it takes to maintain that. So why would they put themselves in a situation where they're going to get affected by that shitty attitude or affected by your your little Debbie snack cakes sitting out on the counter. Simple as that number 14. We are huge proponents of in fact, we're in the business of. Yes, investing in yourself. I love it. The best investment you can make. And, you know, we were talking with somebody this morning who who is a high performer on all aspects of life, physically, mentally, emotionally and realizing that even that person has a coach and and as the more successful we get and not just not just one coach, multiple coaches for 20 years. Yes. And is also involved in coaching. Just to clarify. Yeah. So and so what does that tell you about the importance of investing in what I love and getting out perspective, right? It doesn't mean that she's unhappy with herself. No, it doesn't mean that she's disappointed in herself or doesn't feel fulfilled. But she knows that there's there's even more. There's even more that she can get out of life. And, you know, who knows this the best? Well, she's an athlete, right? But also athletes and military people because military people are constantly wanting to get better, taking more training and athletes know that they can only push themselves to such a point that before they need an outsider perspective to get further. And here's the thing. A lot of people don't realize this, but our brain has a governor. Yes. It slows you down. This way before you physically are ready to slow down or need to slow down. Mm hmm. Your hunger starts in your brain before you're physically hungry. Yes. Your pain starts in your brain before the muscles actually start tearing. Yes. A coach is able to get you beyond that mental governor to get you past what you thought you were capable of. And we've gone after coaching in almost every area of our life. Business coaching. We're getting golf coaching. Any skill that we're looking to acquire. We know that mentorship and having a coach to push you beyond that governor is how you get those real results. And let me ask you this. Let's look back at some of the coaching we've had. Let me ask you this question. Would you if you had a chance to do it over again, would you not take it? No, of course not. Right. Look, even the crappiest coaches. Yes. Even the crappiest coaches we've had and we've worked with a few not a lot, but we've worked with some coaches that were they're just getting started. Maybe they didn't really know what they're doing either. Yeah. There's still a tidbit of information that I can take out of it. Yes. I remember when we were in New York and we were trying to get better on air on serious. We just landed a radio show. We're trying to figure out how to bring the energy serious was like, hey, we need you guys to step it up. So we got a coach. And I remember going through the whole process with the coach, getting us better in studio, getting us more on. And I only took away probably two or three things out of all the hours that we spent that I found really helpful. Yes. But those two or three things right now help me prepare mentally for today. So I feel that any investment you make in yourself has a positive ROI. A lot of us just can't realize it because we don't have the perspective and the wherewithal to say, well, there's still value here. There's still something I'm taking out of it. There's a lesson I learned. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I learned that my governor kicks in on public speaking before I'm actually truly nervous. Oh, yeah. And one of my favorite moments in class is we ask everyone to get in front of the room and share a little something about themselves, share what they're working on just to kick things off. And as you can imagine, a lot of people have fear around public speaking and they get off. They sit back down. They get off stage, sit back down and they're all on their head. Oh my God. I look so nervous. I can't believe it. I felt so nervous. And finally we finish everyone's story and I ask about thoughts and feelings and oh my God, my heart was beating through my chest. I feel like I was sweating and no one else notices this. No one else notices this. Everyone else looks a lot more calm up there than they think because internally they're going through all these processes and all these issues and struggles with their fears and that governor that we're talking about. So having a coach push you beyond that. Let's talk about education, right? So coaching is one way to invest in yourself and obviously we're huge proponents. We are coaches ourselves but education, right? My father instilled that in me at a very young age and I still have a passion for educating myself and educating others and helping other people grow their knowledge. There's the saying that what is the answer to a limited amount of consciousness? It's more consciousness and how do you get more consciousness by educating yourself on all the different pieces of it? And if you want more freedom and opportunities you're going to have to become more conscious of all these things around you. You're going to have to become more educated in everything that you are in control of. Health is an investment in yourself and I would argue one of the most important investments in yourself and it took me a while to realize it and I still struggle with choosing the right things health-wise over the wrong things but losing my dad of a heart attack suddenly and he didn't really value his health especially in the later years and also realizing that this life that we only get one of it's pretty crummy when your health is poor. It's pretty crummy when you're in pain and you can't do things and you can't move and you can't get out of bed. So are you investing in yourself? Investing the time in the gym? The time on your nutrition? Picking the right things to eat? Avoiding the negative, impactful health things like drinking and drugs, etc. Yeah and I can tell you the difference between me doing a workout by myself and me going to Barry's Barry's boot camp I know that on I would not push myself as hard as I get pushed in Barry's and surrounded by other people pushing themselves with someone barking at you. Yeah, absolutely, it's great. Investing in your hobbies, scratching that itch, going back to the original point we made earlier about don't waste your talent. Number two, are you investing in those things that excite you? Are you investing in learning some new skills, challenging yourself, right? It's so easy to invest in material things. It's so easy to invest in that car, that watch but that emotional high, that dopamine that you're getting is fleeting. Hours later, days later that watch isn't exciting anymore. And really think about it. Cars less exciting. Really think about it. What is going to allow you to be more happier, right? Is it the new watch or learning a new skill? Challenging. Waking up in the morning and working out and having that runner's high. I mean like, it's a no-brainer. Number 15, obviously we're huge proponents of as well. Sharing your knowledge and experience with others. And this is one that I think a lot of people in business especially like to avoid, right? We view everyone as competitors. We feel like there's only a finite amount of money and opportunity in the world. So if I share my experience or my knowledge with someone else they can get ahead. They can be more successful in podcasting than us. They can build a better company than us. They can maximize their sales page. They can optimize better than us. And you end up holding on to this knowledge. You end up holding on to this experience and not sharing. Guess what? There's value in sharing that with other people. There a lot of time it's value that you're not going to see immediately. It's not this massive ROI the second you share this knowledge or experience. But getting comfortable with sharing more of that side of you being vulnerable with that is how you get more out of life. Yes, and it's helping you build a community around you. You they always say it's lonely at the top not unless you bring people with you. Right. If you're bringing the party if you're elevating if you're at the top you're putting your hand down and helping other people get to the top. Yeah. Well the top's a lot more fun. Absolutely. And the party you could throw at the top. Woohoo. The last truth we have live today. Live today. Going back to that time I mean a lot of these truths are talking about time over money focusing on today. Stop worrying about yesterday. Today is what you have. Today is in front of you. Yes, yesterday has value but we shouldn't be living in the past and we shouldn't be holding on to it as much as we do. Yeah, and let's say you weren't happy yesterday. Okay, well, what are you going to do today to make tomorrow even better? And it's always about the steps that you make. It's the journey and we talk about this and that journey is what you're doing today. I like these truths. This was a lot of fun. Yes. And I feel like I'd love to hear from the audience any truths that they've heard or learned over the years. Yes. I know this was far from an exhaustive list. In fact, we were doing some research before the show and it feels like everyone has an article on brutal truths. Yes. We'd love to hear your brutal truths. Feel free to email me or Johnny A.J. or Johnny at The Art of Charm or hit us up on our social media at The Art of Charm. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram. We love hearing from the audience. If you're digging the content and you're digging these toolbox episodes we'd love a written testimonial in your favorite podcast app to share the love and hey, if some of your friends need to hear these truths tag them in a social media post. Shoot them this episode. Let them get a dose of some of these cold, hard truths as well. Share the knowledge. Yes, I also would like to give a shout out to an alumni named Rick who got to meet one of his heroes this week and we saw it on the celebration page and I just wanted to give him a nod and say good work on that. Got to meet Gary Vee, got a picture. That was really cool. And Rick got some great advice from a fellow alumni of the boot camp. Yeah. Before the event, trying to figure out how to maximize his opportunity with his mentor and someone that he really looked up to was sitting next to him at the event. Positioning yourself right next to Gary Vee. So congratulations, Rick. Sounded like an awesome experience. Way to go.