 You're the strange goblin wearing three pairs of boots. You can't see the other shoes, though. No, but there's like a foot lump, and then there's like the other, and it's like, what? There's some weird stuff going on. Welcome to Guest Quest, the fast-paced adventure of imagination and self-discovery. Today's episode of Guest Quest is brought to you by Dice Dungeons. If you're getting into tabletop games, use the code Dormonster to get 10% off all orders at DiceDungeons.com. Today's guest is John. John, how you doing? I'm doing good, how are you? I'm pretty good. I have an interesting adventure prep for you today. Really? As a game master, I will present you with a scenario and a goal, and you must achieve that goal with some creative thinking and lucky rolls of the dice. However, if you're truly stuck, do not fret, for you have three, count them, three wishes. But, be wary, each wish carries with it a terrible curse, each worse than the last, even I don't know how terrible these curses are. So, you know, feel free to use them however you want. Oh yeah, fantastic, sounds super safe. You're not completely in the dark. You will have a choice of one of four blessings to bring along with your journey. You'll have to know what the blessings are before you know what the journey is, and once I read all four of them, you have 10 seconds to pick one. Are you ready to hear your blessings? I am ready. Your blessings are the following. A claw shot arm, the hood of the umbral pack. You are a throwing knife master. You have incredible luck. You have incredible luck. Go with luck? I'm going with luck. All right, the Goblin King grows old. You, being the smartest, sneakiest, and strongest of the goblins, are next in line for the throne. The Goblin King wishes for an audience with you one last time before he is willing to pass down the crown. He wishes for a valuable artifact, the Jade Owl, as it will guard him as he passes into the afterlife. If you can retrieve it for him, you get both the title, the crown, and his blessing, which is a big deal in goblin culture. The Jade Owl is currently in the possession of Veil Silver Star, an elven noble who lives in the nearby city of Solstice. The Silver Star Manor is heavily guarded by both guards and magic wards. Even Veil Silver Star himself is a renowned sword master. And thus, we begin. You are living inside your little goblin house. What do you think you have? Well, I guess as a goblin, I have a little club that I use for pretty much everything. You know, hammer, eating. A multi-tool? Yeah, lots of shoes. Lots of shoes. Lots of lulled shoes. Like, like, just collections of- Clothes that you've collected. You know, half pairs, quarter pairs. Is there anything you want to do before you leave goblin town? How much money do I have? Do I have money? You would have some money that you probably either earned or pilfered in one way or another. Are shoes currency in this town? No. Shoes are not currency. You can exchange currency for shoes. How would I need more shoes? That's the thing. You already have a lot of shoes. I will put on a few pairs of shoes and head out. So you put on some, like, shoes and then you put on some boots over those shoes. Nothing. You're not stepping on any nails. No, I'm absolutely not. I'm not going to deal with you today. You've been stalking out this place for a little while. Sure. I know a few things about it. It's inside a city. You got to get in that city. But the difficult thing is getting in that manor itself to retrieve the Jade Owl. There's a lot of guards around it. A lot of guards. And it's a big piece of property too. Like, it has an orchard on it. It is like a wealthy noble's manor that he pays people to guard. So you're ducking through alleyways. You're going through, like, sewer grates, maybe jumping on rooftops and then you see it. The Silver Star Manor. This is a huge piece of property. The actual, like, via itself is kind of pushed far to the back. There's a wall and then there's, like, direct access to the house. Okay. There's guards on the outer side of the wall. There's a few guards in the orchard. You've seen occasionally guards walk in. So you can only assume there's guards, like, inside the wall, like, outside the house. Okay. So how do you want to approach this? Front door. Just front door? Yeah, just go to the gate. Nothing's more suspicious than sneaking around. Okay. Interesting. All right, the outer gate is kind of on a city street. And it's, well, what time? It seems like late at night when you go to do this. What time would you like to, I guess? Probably first thing in the morning, I'd say. First thing in the AM? First thing in the AM. You know, he really wanted to see me, like, right there. You walk right up to the front gate. There's no guards in the outer gate because it's, like, a city street. Like, the only guards at this hour are, like, patrolling, right? You walk up. Gate's locked. But, I mean, you're a goblin. You probably fit through those bars easy if you want to. Do I know how to pick the lock? I'd say that's a reasonable thing that you can do. Really? Okay. Yes, you're playing on a heist here. Yeah, I mean, I will attempt to pick the lock. You probably have some, like, bones that you chew down or maybe, like, some old scrap. Or just, like, a makeshift rake. Yeah, something. Roll to pick that lock. All right. Let's see how good you pick this lock. Four. So, well, here's the thing. Like, you think you're kind of getting it and then you, like, do something and, like, one of your lock-picking and then it just kind of snaps. Okay. But you hear, like, a, and the gate, like, just a little bit. Like, it opens. Okay. But, like, your stuff is busted. Right. I can slip in? Yeah. I'm gonna slip in. All right, you slip in. Okay. So, you entered in, I would say, like, the west end of it. Okay. Um, stretching before you, on your right side, that's where all the fruit trees are. To your left, that's where the house is. Stone path, up, up a couple of steps. Second gate. Inside that, that's the manor. Okay. What do you want to do? Walk up the gate. Walk up the gate. There are two guards posted at the gate. Right. They're both in armor. Very clear armor. It's very shiny. Beautiful. Both of them have, like, spears. Right. Both of them have, like, little shields. And walk right up. One of the guards. He looks at you as you're approaching and he looks up and then he, like, realizes what he just saw. I'm gonna wave. And he'll awkwardly, like, wave back and then wait for you to properly approach. I said, hey there, I'm here to see the king who wanted to see me first thing in the morning. He wanted me to make his shoes for him. He's gonna be cobbling it together. You know, I love shoes. There's not a king that lives in here, it's just a lord. A lord, right. Okay. The lord of the manor. They both kind of look at you and they see that you have two pairs of shoes on. So you probably know a thing or two about shoes. They're gonna need some convincing though. Okay. 18. You can tell that they don't wanna be the one that gets in trouble for not letting a guest in and they're like, right away, sure. And they step aside and, like, one of them fishes out this big ol' ring of keys. Fantastic. So you're in the front gate, in front of you there is a porch and a front entrance. Okay. I mean, it's, like, about two stories tall with maybe, like, a little attic. And there is another guard at the door and there's a guard doing rounds on the inner wall. This thing I'm looking for, is it, do I know where it's at roughly? Have I scouted it out? Do I know? You think probably in, like, a study or, like, maybe a, not an entrance hall, but, like, kind of a foyer or, like, a parlor room where it's in, like, a glass case. You're certain it's on the second floor, but that's pretty much it. Okay. I would like to use a wish. So you can make a wish. However, you must ask your wish in a haiku. Oh, man, that's, what is that? It's five, seven and five syllables. I'm ready for this. I can't see through walls. I would like to see my goal. That would be great. That'd be swell. It's a haiku. It checks out, everyone. X-ray vision, please. Your mind fills with flowery thoughts of delicate poetry. You can now see through walls. Fantastic. Not, like, you can't see through the earth. You can kind of control it a little bit. Oh, that's very generous. I was expecting you to just be constantly seeing through walls. That would make everything horrible. That would ruin everything. Your brain would just, pfft. Okay, so now you can, like, kind of choose and you can probably see through, like, one or two walls. Okay. Like, a max. But that's a lot, mind you. That's, like, two rooms away. I would like to see on the second floor if I can see a study or library or any other display public area. Okay, so, like, you look in and you see the tops of bookshelves on the far right end of the second floor. The guard in the patrol, where's he at? So the guard in the patrol is, like, walking around kind of in a clockwise fashion. Right, where's he at right about now? Right now, he kind of, like, looked that you walked in and, like, the other two guards gave him a nod and he's, like, kind of proceeding. He's to your left and he's about to start going down. So he can see me. He can if he looks back. I'm gonna go and walk in the front door. I'm gonna go up to the front door. Okay. And tell him that I'm here to see the Lord of the Manor and fix his shoes. I'm not here to see him, naturally. You know, he's very busy. I'm here to fix his shoes. You know, he instructed me to come by first thing in the morning and his shoes need to be done before he goes on his evening walk or on his noon walk. And he's gonna be very angry if I don't get this done. So you tell this to the guard. The guard kind of, like, looks and he's, like, a little, it was, like, the same kind of, waterfall of emotions that the first two guards went through. Like, I don't want to be the guy that gets in trouble for not letting the royal cobbler get in. And the other two guards, like, kind of give him, like, a hesitant thumbs up. Sure. I'll let you in right away. And once again, big old ring of keys. And you see, there's like an entrance hall. There's a door straight to the back. And there's a door at the back and to the left. And the guard says, if you take the left door, that goes into the sitting room and you'll be able to find your way from there. That other room is just a closet. I'm going to go ahead and inspect the closet. And what kind of shoes do I see in there? There's some leather boots that look like traveling boots. There's some, like, slippers to wear around the house. Oddly enough, there is a pair of, like, weird-looking, taller boots that look like they're meant for wading in water. So, like, like, fishermen's boots, essentially. Will those fit over my boots? They'd be very hard to wear because they would, like, kind of crunch when they reach your midsection because they're, like, fishermen's, like, waiters. You're, like, probably a third as tall as this guy. You would look ridiculous. You could technically wear them. You would make a lot of weird noise. And people would take you a little less seriously. But yes, you can wear them. I am going to grab them. Okay. And I'm going to walk upstairs with them. Or I'm going to walk over to the left with them. Okay. They are mine. You acquire a pair of fine fishermen's waders. Yes. I'll look over at the guard and be like, I'm gonna have to make sure these are working properly. I'm gonna put them on. They're big. They go, like, up to your armpits, basically. My feet have never been more safe. You have three pairs of shoes all the way up. Yeah, I'm gonna go upstairs. I'm gonna look for a way upstairs. If you use your X-ray vision and look kind of on this level, to your north, you see kind of a hallway and then more walls. And you can kind of, like, fuzzily see past that second wall. And there's, you see storage. There's storage. There's the servants' quarters. There's a kitchen kind of to the west of that little hallway. Directly to your west, there is a dining room. Okay. There's another guard in the dining room. And next to him, there's a stairway going up. I'm gonna go to the kitchen. There's something odd that you didn't notice. You kind of step in and there's a figure in the kitchen. They're wearing dark leather. They're kind of wearing a hood, too. And they're hunched over, like, a box. And they kind of turn around with their mouth filled with cheese. And they notice that you're wearing three pairs of boots. And they swallow the cheese that's in their mouth and they say, are you robbing this place, too? No. Me, neither. They take another bite of cheese. Do I see a wine cellar or any wine or alcohol? There's no wine cellar. There's, like, a hatch kind of near that. And, like, if you use your X-ray vision to look down, you can see some bottles. But it's a very small wine cellar. I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna get a bottle of the highest-proof wine. Roll to find high-proof wine. All right. I don't know if you know a lot about wine. I know 13 about wine. You know 13 about wine. 13's a very unlucky number. But it's also a very lucky number in your case. You find a very nice-looking bottle of wine. The glass itself is crystal. This is, like, an expensive bottle by itself. This wine better be good. And the elf kind of, like, peers down at you and, like, oh, hey, that was in there. I'm gonna go ahead and hide the bottle of wine in my oversized boot. And I am going to go ahead and make my way up to the... Where the stairs are. Okay, there's a guard to your right. Okay. And then there's the stairs. Okay. The guard lowers their spear, not pointed at you, but in front of the stairway and says, halt. Sorry, I'm the cobbler. I'm supposed to be fixing the Lord's shoes today. I really need to get them done. I'm looking for a book on how to do a little thing. It's a very specialized surgery on the boot. I just need to find a little bit of information on it. Do you know where the study is? I could borrow a book. The study's upstairs, but the Lord has ordered that no one can go up there at this time. If you know the name of the book, I can retrieve it for you. Oh, sure. It's cobblers for dummies, I believe. Roll up or sway this guy. All right. This is a weird lie. You're weaving. A nine. He's very suspicious of you. I am a very suspicious person. He says, wait right here. I'll have to fetch another guard. Walks over the window and shouts out, hey, Davis, I need you to fetch something. While he's doing that, I'm gonna slip away. Just up the stairs? Yeah. Okay, roll to be sneaky. Okay. Here's the thing, you're wearing big old boots. Oh yeah. It's gonna be big old sneaky boots. Really unsneaky. Four. You try to walk up the stairs. The shoe is too big, you like catch the bottom of the stair and like kind of like plop. You don't fall on your face, but it's very loud. Oh no. And the guard catches you doing that. And at the same time, another guard runs in the room because he was the person the guard called for. Both the guards kinda look at each other and look at you. I'll blur it all. And then they start running at you with spears. I'm gonna take the bottle out of my, out of my, boop, and I'm gonna smash it, make an improvised weapon. All right, oh yeah, like a little bar. Okay, yeah, do it. I'm gonna smash it on. You wanna smash it on a guard? Smash on a guard. Okay. First guard. Roll to smash that guard with a wine bottle. 17. Okay, so that guard, he doesn't expect you to whip out like a crystal bottle. You just crack it right on the face. And he's like, oh, and he like falls over backwards. And it breaks. And the thing is it's like crystal. So it like breaks in like a million pieces. And you have this like really jagged, like end of a bottle. Yeah. And you're just like, ah. I'm gonna jump on top of him and stab him in the neck. The other guard or the one that fell over? The one that fell over. Okay, roll the stab on neck. All right. This isn't gonna be very high roll. 16. All right, you just. All right. That guard's dead. He did not see that coming. He didn't expect this to happen. You thought you were a cobbler. He believed you for like a minute there. He's out. He's bleeding on the floor. The other guard's running up to stab you though. So he's gonna try to stab you. All right. Let's see how that does. Okay, so here's the thing. Gargots can stab him. Oh no. You take one damage. Oh no. With the spear. So you have six health. So I have five left. You have five left. I'm gonna grab the dead guard spear. Okay, yeah. I'm gonna stab him with the spear. Try it, okay. So I go for the neck. All right, yeah. No, do it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the spear's on the ground. You just snatch it up and like. Four. Okay, so here's the thing. You try to stab him and like, you know, he kind of like, whoa. He like parries it a little bit. Like you don't drop the spear or anything but like you're kind of at parody right now. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So what are you gonna do? I'd like to make a wish. Are you sure? Yes. All right, let's see if you have to make another haiku. Okay. What is your wish? My wish is to be able to control minds. You feel power surging into you and you feel like you can control a mind. However, you take damage if you stop moving forward. Okay, I guess I will run forwards up the stairs and. So like trying to like, try to push this guard over and start running up. Yes, but as I'm running towards him, I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna put, go into his mind. Tell him to kill himself. Roll to invoke that. 12. So you. He doesn't kill himself. But he looks very sad for enough time for you to run upstairs. Damn it. I'm gonna run back. He's kind of sitting there like, kind of like confused and like. I'm gonna stab him in the back of the neck. Do it. Roll the stab him. It's not gonna be that high. Two. All right. You're kind of like, like scrape his ear, like the side of his helmet with a bottle. And then you're kind of just like up against him and he like turns around like, hey, and the guard's gonna take another swing at you. Okay. The guard does not hit you at all. Like does a half-hearted stab at you, doesn't like pierce the waiters that you're wearing. Pushing him down the stairs with the spear. I'm grabbing it, pushing it, throwing it down the stairs. Roll, push him. Do a push. 10. He's off balance. He's distracted. Just shove him with the spear and he's like, ah, he just falls down like backwards. He's prone, he's not dead. I still have a spear? You still have one of the spears for the first time. Okay, I'm gonna kudig around this guy. You're gonna like jump on him from the stairwell. Do it. All right. Like it'll be really low. Won't be four. 18. Oh yeah, so you. Like right through the chest, he's dead. So you running in circles. What are you gonna do now? You gonna go upstairs? Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs. You run up to the top of the stairwell. You are facing a wall, but as you look around, there's a long hallway. Well, I can't stop. So I'm gonna keep going. All right. I'm looking for, I'm just looking for the study. The study, okay. So you run, you turn the corner in this hallway. There's another guard. He sees you. Okay. He sees you in a broken. I'm not stopping him. Do you have the spear? Yes. Okay, he sees you, he sees the spear. Okay. He says halt and he lowers his spear to his head. I'm just stabbing him. Just gonna try to run through him. He's not stopping, just yeah. Do it. Run through him. Dammit. Okay. Six. So you kind of run at him. He's a little surprised that you're not stopping because he was like, oh, and he expected you to like stop and do like a standoff with him. He does not hate you. Like kind of scrapes along your spear and you're like, but like you're kind of running. You want to try to like, what are you doing? I'm gonna pull out the bottle and I'm just gonna try to go through his neck. All right. Do it with the bottle. Leaping bottle. 11. Okay. So you leap up at him, kind of try to stab him and it can't go through. He has like a armor. He has like a helmet. So he can't really get through. Yeah. And it kind of like, and like some glass like goes into his helmet. He's like, ah, but it doesn't, it doesn't seem to do much to him. I'm gonna grab his helmet, look him in the eyes and stare at him. And I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna use my mind powers. I'm gonna tell him to kill himself. You have so much possibility with mind powers and you're just like, die. One. Here's the thing. Damn. For any ordinary mind killer or any ordinary goblin, that wouldn't have done anything. You're extraordinarily lucky. Oh, am I? Yes. You say, die. And he's just like, ah, he literally just like collapses into armor and a blob of skin. Whoa, okay. So my, okay, okay. I think I understand. You can see what the luck does. I see what this does now. So in the study, you can see into the study through the wall, you can see someone in there. Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go in there. And you can't stop, I guess. Going in the door. You bust open the door. Bail silver stars in there, owner of the manor behind him, kind of in the back right corner. There's a display case with a green owl necklace inside it. Might be what you're looking for. Probably what you're looking, it's what you're looking for. There's a window to his right. There's a large bookshelf to your left. He whips around dramatically with a flourish of his sword. He's like, ah-ha, he sees that you just keep running. He's like, hold on, what do you do? Well, he's caught off guard. Gotta kill him. I'm gonna drop a bookshelf while I'm just going. Oh, I try to tip it over? Yeah, tip it over, yeah. 12. Okay. You run out and he's like, whoa, and then you like steer off to the side and like, and like books start falling off a bit and it's like tipping, like you can't really push it all the way cause it's like up right up against the wall. So you can't really tip him. He's like, okay, and he's gonna, he's running up, he's gonna try to stab you. And I am going to throw books at him. He's just gonna start chucking him at him? Yep. Rolled chuck books. All right, chuck these books. Roll to one hand, I guess. Seven. You're very lucky. Oh no, I mean, yay. Like beans him right in the face. And he's like, oh, he's distracted. Okay. What are you gonna do? Stab him in the neck. Roll the bottleneck. 16. Okay. You jump, you stab him. He's like, ah, but he's still up. He's not a pushover like these other guys. He's like, ah, he clutches at his neck and he's gonna take a swipe at you with his, he has like a, I should have mentioned this earlier. He's a short sword. Okay. He's gonna roll the slice at you. He swings at you. He kind of cuts low. Your boots are drooping like the waiters you have and he cuts off the bottoms of them but he doesn't hit you. How? Cause like, dare he? Oh, okay. I thought you were asking how he did that. I'm gonna use a wish. Are you sure? Yes. Your final wish. I wish that he explodes into blood rain. Can I wish for that? Is that a solution to a problem? I'm gonna say yes, only because of the curse attached to this wish. Okay. You say, I wish you explode. He goes, but another identical version of him appears right next to the ice. I can't take it. There are now two of whatever you're fighting. Now there's one. Does he still have the neck? Cause he's identical. Oh, he's still hurt. Is he still hurt? It's kind of a weird series of emotions that goes, and then like he appears again and then there's just like a crater where he once was. Well, the one that cut my boots has been punished. So I'm going to use my mind powers on the second new copy. Okay. And I'm going to tell him to go away. Hold a mind power. Seven. It's very lucky. Oh no, is it ones and sevens? But here's the thing. He doesn't know where he wants to go away to. So he's resisting a little bit. He's going to fight back. I'm going to give him a chance to save against this. He makes it. Oh dang. So you say, go away. And he's like, no, this is my home. And he's going to like, he's going to start swinging at you again. Like he's recovered from this, him exploding and then reforming and then being told to go away. So it's you like running. It's him like ready to swing. What do you do? What's behind me? What's behind you right now is the bookshelf that's like half to dover with some books. I'm just going to move out of the way and let him just go past me. All right. He's going to swing at you. And so you're like dodging basically. Yeah, dodging. He like gives the bookshelf a little bit and it like starts leaning more and some of the books fly on. There's like a book still kind of hit the sword. And he's like, oh, and he's like going to start attacking you again. Owl is to your left now in a case. I'm going to jump up on him and off of him and onto the bookshelf. And I'm going to use my weight to just pull with that. All right. Yeah, do it. Roll, roll for it. That sounds cool. Seven. So you're very lucky. Three times lucky, by the way. That's triple seven. That's the thing. I should go to Vegas. That's the thing. You jump up on him. You hear, you hear like coins raining. You jump up on the bookshelf and you grab it. Just like crushed on top of him. He's under this bookshelf. You don't know if he's alive. You don't know if he's dead. You know, he's under a very heavy bookshelf. Is there his sword near me? Drop his sword by hand. Oh, yes. Well, he got, he got knocked over his sword. Like, like a dramatic movie scene. Right. Okay. I want to pick up the sword and I want to use the hilt to smash open the case. All right. So you'd like do a run by. You grab it and just, and it breaks without incident, which is weird. All things considered. It's a fake. It might be the fact that you have a sword sitting right there. Jade Owl in a display case open to the air. It's in front of you. That's what you came here. Is the king's feet exposed? Not a king. All right. What is the lord's feet exposed? No, he's under a bookshelf. The only thing that's exposed would be like the end of his hand or something. I am going to grab the Jade. I'm going to take the sword. I'm going to jam it into his hand and then I'm going to jump out the window. Roll the, uh, seven. So you're very lucky. I picked the perfect pathway. And you go, oh, and you just cannonball, like, like human cannonball, goblin cannonball. And this guy through the window just, and like one of the guards is like, what? You jumped really high and like that would normally be a bad thing. Cause there's like a gate with spikes. You just soar over it. You just, you somehow picked the perfect trajectory. No one could have seen it coming. You're the other side. You're in the city and you run back to your goblin city. It was a different city. It was a goblin city, whatever city. Solstice was the city. You run, you pass it off like a football, like the winning football pass. He's like, yes. And like you, but you're like running around the room cause you can't stop or you'll just start dying. He's like, I give you the title, the throne and my blessing whenever you're done running. He places the crown on the throne and he gets up and walks out. You are now the rightful heir to the goblin throne and you can never stop moving. And some people say he's still running this day. So John, did you enjoy that adventure? I did. I very much enjoyed that murderous rampage. I don't usually play murder hobo, but you know, it didn't go the way I planned so I had to fix it. Like I honestly, I expected you to be very methodical and like, okay, yeah, we're going to like sneak this way. And like we're going to try to Jimmy open this window. And, but you just kind of, like it was, it was like a perfect chaos heist. Like it was great. Front door. Best way to go. Always go to the front door. I love the haiku wish. That's pretty great. So John, anything that you'd like to plug while you're here. Okay, so for Dormonster, make sure you check out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, go to twitch.tv slash Dormonster TV and check out all our wonderful people doing games and streams and fun things for you to enjoy. Sometimes we'll play with people, sometimes like with the community and sometimes we'll be just playing a single player game and chatting with the chat, but come on by and have some fun. This has been Guest Quest. Thank you for watching. And also like to thank our sponsor, Dice Dungeons. Dice Dungeons has a wide selection of dice that you can pick from, including wooden, plastic, metal. They also have other things like cloth battle maps to bring your game to life. And if you use the code Dormonster, you'll get 10% off of any order that you place at DiceDungeons.com.