 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today, or this live stream today, our topic, The Five Steps to Make a Man Crave You and Want You More. Do you want a guy to want you more than listen in? All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and certainly traditional opinions as well. So all I ask is you to give it a chance. All right, let's talk about those five steps to make a man crave you and want you more. So, it occurs to me since I am talking about dating and relationship advice that much of the dating and relationship advice out there is very low vibration, very low energy based advice. And what it means is it caters to our basic needs, our primal needs, and not higher needs of emotional maturity, emotional relationship skills and that sort of thing. So I notice a lot of the rhetoric out there is mostly based on attraction, how to develop attraction because there's this belief that attraction leads to relationship success. I'm gonna repeat that, attraction leads to relationship success. And what we've learned in the more serious coaching realm that that's the furthest thing from the truth because true relationship success is below the water and what I mean by not attraction but by compatibility. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg since I mentioned below the waterline, you can see it here where it says above the, this is a iceberg and as you can see the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline is attraction and below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And you can see this is where compatibility sinks in. And why I'm bringing this up is because much of the rhetoric out there isn't really addressing the more important aspects of a relationship in particularly in the area of emotional maturity, in the area of emotional maturity. And the reality is, is if you're seeking a relationship that really is gonna be juicy, delicious, healthy, the kind of relationship that's gonna go the distance, then I invite you to start exploring emotional maturity far more than the physical attraction-based things that we look for is like whether it's the guy opening the car door or he plans or pays for the first date, all of the traditional expectations that sound great. And yet what happens oftentimes, and it kind of blows me away, how many men in particular as an example will say that they want a deep rich relationship with someone and they come on strong and they're doing all the traditional expectations. And then sometime in the six to 12 week mark after two people have had sex together, it seems like all of a sudden men seem to go, hmm, I'm not really ready for a relationship. And I'm like thinking to myself, well, then why are you putting yourself out there if you're not ready for a relationship? So what I'm about to share with you today is the more important ingredients to relationship success and what makes a man genuinely crave you. What makes a man genuinely crave you? And I'm gonna share the five steps in a moment. I wanna lean into this very important aspects, aspect of a relationship that I want it to have in everyone's consciousness. And that is intimacy. Into me you see, intimacy, where you're actually getting to know another human being at a deeper emotional level. And I know for many of you, this can be incredibly challenging is because these days in the dating realm, we're most likely meeting strangers. We're most likely meeting strangers. And I want you to think back to 50 or 100 years ago before these little devices were created or the internet was created, for the most part, anyone that you connected with was already part of your community, was already part of your tribe, most likely. Certainly 60, 70 years ago, 60, 70 years ago, people were oftentimes meeting at work. And before that they were meeting in college or they were meeting in the small town that they lived in. And certainly if they met the small town they lived in, most of the time someone you knew knew your family. Most likely you shared the same lifestyle, most likely your lifestyles were, you shared the same values, excuse me. And your lifestyles were also very blendable. So fast forwarding today, we're in a whole different category which requires some deeper level of connection versus the surface level of connection most people are focused on today. And I recently shot a video where I shared, I was reading on a group thread where one woman refused to go out with a man on a second date because he didn't offer to pay the valet. He didn't offer to pay the valet. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my God, how can that be the deal breaker? I mean, if all the deal breakers to make that the deal breaker as it's a reflection of who he is and quite frankly, I'm asking myself, why didn't she offer to treat his valet? Why not? Okay, well, I'm going off subject here. So coming back to relationship skills, this is the critically important piece to actually building that deeper intimacy with someone. And I'm talking about intimacy is that capacity where you can genuinely speak to one another at a heart-centered level. And yet the vast majority of human beings are struggling on the inside, especially in the area of emotional maturity and their relationship skills. And if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills, I want you to see this here. I want you to know, by the way it says here, this is not a fact, this is an opinion, but roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues. I'm talking borderline, bipolar, narcissistic and worse, even sociopathic tendencies. This is why we have to go way below the surface from a dating perspective, because if you're with somebody who's clinical, oh my God, it's gonna be a nightmare. And then I'm flipping this around a lot. And then you can see here where it says roughly about 20% of the population is healthy. And let me just say this, I'm being ridiculously generous when I say healthy. It's probably closer to 3% or 5% of the population. And most everybody is dysfunctional. And let me just say this, this is true for men and this is true for you ladies as well, especially because 97% of my audience is women. I'm just gonna say you're equally as dysfunctional and yet most human beings are delusional to the fact that they have weak emotional skills or weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. So what does it take to really move past this? And what does it take for someone to genuinely want to connect with you at a deeper level? Now, I've shot a video in the past about the five steps to make a man miss you and want you more. And certainly I gave some tricks of the trade, if you will. Today I wanna actually explore the most important aspect of compatibility today. And that is the emotional maturity piece. So what I'm about to share with you is the five signs of emotional maturity. And let me just say this, high value men, emotionally mature men are seeking a woman who's a grownup, especially in these five areas. So sit back and relax. I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and here's my notes for you today. As you can see that. And we're gonna dive into the five steps to make him crave you and want you more. And again, we're talking about the emotionally mature man, not the emotionally immature man. Emotionally immature men are very much rooted in their lower chakras. It's basically how quickly can I get off? And certainly emotionally low vibration women are focused on the same area as well. Or they're oftentimes focused on giving their power away. And what I'm gonna share today is about that deeper need to connect at an emotional level. So number one step is to have your actions consistently match your words, to have your actions consistently match your words. And ladies, I gotta tell you something as a single man out in the dating realm, I am flabbergasted. God, where did that word come from? Flabbergasted, that's such a 20s, 30s word. Oh wait, 20s, I'm talking 1920s or 30s, not 2020s or 30s, but I'm flabbergasted at the lack of consistency by women these days, especially in the area of communication. I often wonder, are they listening to this bullshit dating advice about waiting five hours to text someone because that creates tension between you two? And I'm here to say, by the way, ladies, with these devices, if you're taking a long time to respond because you're playing a game that you've been taught, he's gonna be swiping on to the next one. Folks, I'm here to say, we don't have time to fuck around. We've gotta strike while the iron is hot. And an actual sign of maturity is to not play the game of being inconsistent. I know you're being taught by so many professionals, so many people out there. And I will tell you the higher energy people won't be teaching you game playing. They're going to encourage you to continually have your actions match your words and to be consistent. And look, we're all gonna have areas in our life where there's gonna be things happen and we can't always live up to our word. It's the idea, it's that it's consistent. And that's a, by the way, ladies, let me tell you something. What I'm sharing goes for both men and women alike. This isn't singular to you, even though the conversation is directed towards you. Men should be doing this just as much as well. Okay, number two, you operate from a place of victor consciousness, not victim consciousness. And I gotta tell you, let me just give you an example of how this manifests or how this shows up in the dating realm. And I hear this from so many women and it is such a fucking turnoff. Victim consciousness is a turnoff. And let me give you an example of how that looks like. Most of the time when a man is asking about your past relationships, if you are throwing your previous partner under the bus and basically blaming him, blaming him, blaming him, blaming him of all the problems, now a low vibration man will think to himself, oh, I'm not that guy. You know, I'm not that guy. So I can be her hero, a low vibration guy. A higher vibration guy is gonna go, wow, this is a woman who takes no ownership in the endings or the failures in her past relationships. I wonder what other areas she plays victim in. And so it's important to lean into, to express that while there might be a deficiency in your partner is to own your own part in the end, I'm using the relationships, but it could be any area of your life. And I gotta tell you, women in particular, I think are suckling on the nip, suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. And guys are too, but I'm here to say, and it's so prevalent these days when I'm reading some of the comments on my blog, how consistent the victim consciousness is the narrative, at least here in the United States. And sadly, it's being predicate, it's being amplified by the news. The news does nothing but amplify fear and victim consciousness. So if you wanna do yourself a favor, turn off the news as well. Okay, number three, and this is what I call fighting fair, fighting fair. You know, it's really important to learn that love isn't about being right. In fact, you know, my have a podcast called the what would love do podcast. And the idea is what love would do when you're having some friction and conflict with your partner. It's not about being right, it's about being happy. And so one of the fundamentals is learning what I just shared about fighting fair because every relationship is going to have some friction. It's gonna have some tension between the two of you. And fighting fair looks like the following. It's, what did I say in my notes? Oh, active listening, active listening. And for example, it starts by when your partner shares something with you is that you acknowledge what they share. In other words, you acknowledge that they said these words and then you validate that that is true for that person. Let me repeat that, you validate it's true for that person. Then it's an opportunity for you to share your perspective when there's tension between the two of you. And also your partner should be actively listening, acknowledging your point of view and then validating it being true for you. Because ultimately fighting fair is not about trying to win. It's about trying to be happy between the two of you. And the best way to do that is through your agreements and communication. And if you're not familiar with the brand new book I'm talking about these days, that's by Michael Sorensen called I Hear You. The surprising simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. And in fact, what did I just say? Validation, do you see this? The power of validation and that is particularly important in our communication. And if you're not familiar with the book that I talk about frequently called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg this should have been titled Compassionate Communication. Because when we can communicate from a more compassionate level we're actually leaning into what would love do and how would love respond. In fact, many of you know I've written a book and I'm gonna brag about it for a moment. It's called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link follow to all the books I recommend, including my own. This is a book of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So it's not about being right because the ego wants to be right. It's really more about how can we be happy together? And that's my invitation for you. So number three is called Fighting Fair which is really more about effective communication skills through active listening, acknowledging and validating. Okay, number four is empathy. And thankfully many of you women already have empathy and empathy the way I view it is empathy means I can is not just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I care about your feelings and I also care about my own feelings and why I'm stepping into this. So many of you women give your power away to men which is not empathetic to yourself. And when you give us your power, we can take advantage of it and we, by the way, emotionally low vibration men, men who are control freaks love it when you give your power away to us. We love that. Well, when I say we, I mean those men love that not myself. I'm attracted to that sovereign woman who is self-reliant, self-contained, knows her self-worth. She has that level of self-confidence and that self-esteem, that self-love that I just talked about. And I'm here to say most of us are, we're a work in progress. So it's not like you reach the antithesis of it. It's that you're working on genuinely loving on yourself. And by the way, I will tell you emotionally healthy men do are not attracted to women that give their power away. And I see this happening for many of you women you operate from a lack of self empathy in that you believe that if it's almost like this, many of you suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. How about starting from I feel good about myself and let's hope we both can love each other. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? And folks, I only yell just like a child that's about to touch fire. I'm yelling only because you are consistently, not all of you, many of you are consistently touching the fire going, hmm, what's the definition of insanity again? Is it doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Why do I keep touching fire and my fingers get burned? Maybe I should stop it. That's my invitation for you. Number five is transparency, transparency. Folks, if it's material to the relationship to human beings should be transparent with one another if it significantly can impact the relationship and this is true for men and this is true for women as well. So when you're going silent about something because you're afraid he's going to run away, you're not being truly transparent in the relationship and when you go silent in many cases, you're going to begin to resent the person you're with because you're not speaking your truth and then you'll be fighting, you won't be able to fight there because you're operating from a place of lack instead of a layable of confidence. So I'm here to say folks, and let me come back to my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? Chapter one is speak your truth, do it with kindness and chapter nine, wait nine, if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So ladies, start leaning into transparency because when you are with an emotionally healthy man he's going to be so grateful for you because these are all the stepping stones to deeper intimacy that allows two people to start to join like this and eventually they create a bond such a strong, look at, I can't break this apart. I really can unless I'd let go. And so I'm here to suggest it's time to operate not from the attraction based way of dating but from a more heart, at least this is my invitation for everyone to operate from more of a heart centered space. Can you do that for me? Are you with me? If you are, please hit that like button to let me know or say amen in the comment section. So just to repeat the five steps to make a man crave you and want you more actions consistently matching your words. You have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. You know how to fight fair which is active listening skills and communication skills. You have a level of empathy, not for him or yourself. And lastly, you're transparent. You're not stuffing it under the rug when it's material to the relationship. And I guarantee you, if you begin to operate this way with an emotionally healthy man you're going to experience an amazing relationship. And if you're wondering how to figure out which men are emotionally mature and have strong relationship skills well then check out the link below to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise is all about teaching you how to determine true compatibility and which questions should you ask based on your personality, based on your personality to determine if this person is the right person for you. So again, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, that covers our content portion today. Now we are gonna join into the Q&A section of our live stream. And if you're brand new to my channel really quickly if you have a question for me in the chat box you post in the chat box. By the way, post the word question and write the question thereafter. However, today I'm gonna pay more attention to those who purchase a super sticker, super chat. Those who purchase, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. If you purchase a super sticker, super chat all of the monies goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there, right there and right there when he was younger. My son passed away at age 19, three years ago and in his honor, not only did I write my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway but in his honor I started a scholarship fund to help to defrate the cost of personal development for those folks that are looking to hire someone like myself and help to defrate the cost and to donate to those important personal development charities that I believe in like the Hoffman process and insight. So there's a little dollar sign there purchase a super sticker, super chat. It lets me know that I'm, this allows me to keep my channel going for you and it allows me to, lets me know that you value this as well. All right, so let's go into our questions I just wanna quickly acknowledge Holly for the $5 super sticker. Thank you so much Holly, that's very sweet of you. I really appreciate it. Okay, it's time to ask questions. So post the word question and then write your question thereafter or purchase a super sticker, super chat. I wanna thank Todd for being in the house. I wanna thank Marguerite for being in the house. Linda says validation is a great way to be sure you understand each other. Folks, I can't begin to express the importance of, you know what, I'm gonna share with you as a single man out there in the dating realm, it's rather exhausting how poor the communication skills women have. I mean, women, by the way, there's this belief that women are better communicators than men. Now, in fact, I think there's been studies done on this and it's probably true that women probably are a little more empathetic in men and women are more cooperative in men. And yet what I've learned is noticed in the dating realm is most people are operating from what they can get instead of what they can give. I'm gonna repeat that, they operate from the place of what they can get instead of what they can give. This is why I continually recommend suggesting reading the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, it takes out the bullshit fucking gender rhetoric that is causing so much of the frustration when we can actually look at human beings as a person instead of based on a gender and we throw out the expectations, we can actually connect at a greater heart center level. So I'm dabbling right now, but I'm going off on the tangent here and it's just something I've noticed women aren't necessarily better communicators than men, they just think they are because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings, but that doesn't make you any better at your communication skills and let me throw men under the bus as well. Men are equally terrible at their communication skills because we were taught to stuff our feelings early on. This is why it takes a tremendous amount of work, particularly the area of impersonal development, self-help, spiritual work. If you're not familiar with the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas, childhood wounds and traumas that cause most of the frustration in human beings' lives. So I'm inviting everyone to do introspective work because you're gonna find that you're going to feel better in your life because that's what love would do and that's how love responds is to first focus your energy on healing one's self and then lead by example. I'm gonna repeat that, leading by example. So that's my invitation for everyone and I got off on the tangent there. So Linda, thank you so much. We were talking about validation. Really quickly, I wanna give a shout out to Marguerite Solomon for the $20 Super Stickers. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. All right, we'll give her a little post right there. All right, Rita has a question. Oh, Debbie says, are you ever gonna offer merchandise? I am, I do wanna create a T-shirt. It's called In Honor of Connor. It's gonna be something salty. I gotta keep it a secret right now, but I do plan on creating a T-shirt line. Oh, Connor, I miss that little shit so much. I miss him so much. Yes, but I will do some merchandise. So thank you so much. All right, let's take Rita's question. Question, after four months of dating, he says he wants kids. I'm 50, no thanks. Is this an immature man? Rita, I'm sorry to say, well, to answer your question, yes, that is a very immature thing to say to a 50 year old woman. What that is is his bullshit exit clause. It's a bullshit exit clause. Now, a lot of times men who are younger that date older women, especially men in their 20s and 30s with women, 40s, 50s and 60s, they oftentimes have this particular escape clause. I call it an escape clause, but it basically is I've decided I wanna have children and since your baby making factory is shut down, I'm gonna move on. I will tell you that's a bullshit excuse, especially for men over 45. Most men over 45, I mean, there's the exception to the rule, but if they haven't had children by age 45, it's rare. It's such a small percentage you actually want children. But you know, look it, I'm in my 50s. I could certainly use that bullshit line with somebody. You know what? I really like to have another child and since you can't have a child with me. By the way, you know what you could do, Rita? You could suggest to him that you wanna adopt kids with them, just to fuck with them. I mean, seriously, it's such a bullshit line by a guy and I guarantee if you track his life, he's not gonna end up with a child. Think of the time it takes to develop just a deep level of a relationship with somebody. It takes a good two years before you even wanna consider something of that nature. So depending on his age, he's gotta go out and find a woman and then he's gotta spend two years and then you gotta go through that whole process. It's just a bullshit excuse in my mind. But I could be wrong. Again, I say these are my opinions, not necessarily a fact. So that's just my perception, Rita. So thank you so much for that question. That's an example of a bullshit excuse clause. Thank you so much. All right, purchase that super sticker, super chat. Let's see, I always smile when you bring up the Hoffman process of literally changing my life. Folks, I want you to hear what Hazel I's Jen says. It is changing her life, the Hoffman process. This changed my life. I can't be, I'm gonna tell you, I did the actual event at Napa, California and I walked away being wrapped in a blanket of self love. I knew what it felt like to be wrapped in a blanket of love. My God, folks, I can't begin to describe the euphoria of actually feeling maybe for the first time in my life. I was 50, you know, what was I 49, 50 years old when I did a few years back? What it felt like to be wrapped in a blanket of self love, it was changed my life. And you know why? Because I shed so much of the bullshit that had been the armor in my life, the mask I'd been living in. In fact, I'll be candid with you folks. I have operated from a very long period of my life from a very selfish perspective and very much give-to-get perspective. I operated from a give-to-get perspective. In fact, a lot of women do this too. You operate from a give-to-get perspective. In other words, if you give love, you're expecting love back. And when you don't give love back, and I did this myself, so I'm criticizing myself when I say this, I turned into a martyr. I gave you all this love, but you didn't give me love back. I gave you all this love, but you didn't give me love back. Here's the thing. Love is something we give freely. And if we operate from a give-to-get perspective, which a lot of people do, or worse, we end up with people who are takers. All they do is take. They don't give. And when you go through the Hoffman process, when you go through the process of shedding the years and layers and layers upon layers, that onion layer of all the bullshit that we've experienced in our life, it is such a freeing event. In fact, a few years after that, I shed 25 pounds from my life. I'm six foot two, and at one point I was weighing 235. Now, well, actually, well, I dropped weight, and then I dropped another 25 pounds. I'm in the low 200s now. And why I'm sharing this with you is another, when we can shed some of that residual residue in our emotional life, we actually start to embody a more healthy lifestyle, at least I have, for myself. And actually, one of the chapters in my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, is your body is a machine, not a temple. And when we take better care of our body, we also have better experiences in our emotional and relationship life. So again, I wanna thank you, Hazelize Chick, for bringing that up. And it certainly changed my life. And I'm glad I can share this with all of you. So thank you so much. All right, Mary Ann says, I wanna thank you for all the help that you do, all ladies and gentlemen, that listen, it's making a difference. Leaning in thing was the really got me, folks. Leaning in, I know many of you have heard the phrase, lean back in your feminine energy and the man will climb you. I crack myself up sometimes. By the way, this is fun for me. But what I laugh, first off, let me just share this. Masculine and feminine energy is bullshit in my mind, okay? Empowered individual energy is what matters whether you have a penis or a vagina. Let me just say that, whether you have a penis or a vagina, I'm attracted to empowered energy. When an individual, when their sovereignty is about loving on themselves and they're empowered in their life. And it's not about making millions of dollars a year or being the head person at your law firm or just be the top person in your company. And that's not it. Those are all egoic ways of approaching life. I'm talking empowered from a heart-centered space of recognizing the pitfalls in our life is our emotional well-being. And when we actually can love on ourselves, we begin to experience a level of inner peace, a level of inner peace. This is why I'm such a big proponent of everyone doing this inner work. Because the whole masculine and feminine is bullshit in my mind. And now I am not discounting empowered energy. But think about this, leaning back, here's leaning back. How attractive is that when you lean back? Yes, that might get a guy to chase you because you're pulled back and he has to pull you in. But that works temporarily. And it only works on emotionally unhealthy people. Like guys like me, it's so funny. When I see women, I can literally now spot the women who are listening to the bullshit rhetoric of the book, the rules and playing games or the feminine energy. It's like, I'm witnessing it, I'm witnessing it. I'm like, I'm done. Cause I just, homie, don't play that game. Homie, don't play that game. So I'm here to say, like my coffee mug says, let that shit go. Start being in your empowered self. And again, I've recommended so many great books to be empowered. So anyway, that's just my thoughts on that. So thank you so much for that one. I really appreciate it, Marianne. Big hugs to you. All right, let's go swimming. Again, to purchase a super stick or super chat to let me know this is making a difference in your life. It tells me that you care. So please invest in the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund as well. All right. Yashar, I can't pronounce your name, Riveron. What do you do when the man that you're with tells you that he loves you and that you're an amazing woman, but he doesn't know if he's in love with you and how do you fix that if there's fixing? So he, you know, this is an interesting thing because I believe most human beings operate, particularly men, they operate from the desire of connection, the desire for companionship, connection and sex. But if a man isn't ready to actually take care of someone, then he doesn't have the capacity to fall in love with someone. I'm gonna repeat that. If you're blocked from actually wanting to take care of someone in your life, then it's going to take, that's gonna create a block into loving someone. At least that's my perception anyway, or one of my perceptions anyways, around this. So what's most likely happened is he's not in a place that he genuinely wants partnership. He certainly wants your vagina at his beck and call. He wants you to spend time with him in his beck and call, but he's most likely not ready for partnership. And it's because folks, you're not doing a better job of betting him for emotional maturity and finding out what does he really like or what does he really want? And again, just a reminder, check out the link to a free discovery call with me in this area. Here's the thing. If you're not familiar with the book by Malcolm Gladwell, it's called Talking to Strangers. Folks, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, these days we're meeting total strangers and it requires going underneath the surface to actually get to know someone at a deeper level. In fact, let me pull up a meme I posted on my Instagram just a little while ago. Here's another iceberg picture, okay? But above the iceberg is our language, fine arts, folklore, dress, holidays, food. That's the easy to see, okay? What's below the iceberg is difficult to see. Beliefs and assumptions, self-concept, relationship to authority, family values and family roles, core values, biases, manners, body language, interpretations, concept of cleanliness. As an example, beauty ideals, gender roles, family roles, concept of justice, notions of modesty, pride, competitiveness, expectations, just to name a few. This is all believed below the surface. And it's one of the reasons why many of you are struggling because you're not actually getting to know another human being on a friendship level. And this is why I wanna recommend a book that I haven't talked about much, but this is a really good book by Dale Carnegie. This is a gazillion years old. This man must be 2,000 years old now. But the book is called How to Win Friends and Influence People. And again, another opportunity, it's not about what you can get, but it's about operating from a place of curiosity, from a place of wanting to understand. But again, as I said earlier, most people are operating from what they can get instead of what they can give. And this is why there's so much relationship frustration out there. Is this sinking in? Because I'd like to think, folks, I'm offering a perspective that goes below the bullshit surface level way most people are dating today and most people are in relationship today. You know, I wanna share something with you all. I frequently talk about the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. If you know my rhetoric, and it's so funny when I get emails now from women who say, Jonathan, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should order two copies of this book. And I gotta tell you, I have women writing me now telling me that they've ordered two copies of this book for someone they brand new dated and they're reading it together and it's actually bringing them closer together. It's actually bringing two people closer together. You're just helping guiding the guy along the way. Here's the thing. Emotionally immature men, they're gonna say, oh my God, can't we just live in the moment? Can't we just be present? Can't we just live in the moment? Can't we be present? Can't we live in the moment? Can't we live in the moment? I'm like, if you want my fucking vagina, dude, then this is what you've gotta do. And if you're not willing to do it, it tells me you're not serious about a relationship. And I know a lot of men will reject this because men, look at you, wanna eliminate that 80% of guys that are probably going to waste your time. Let's cut to the quick, because we don't have time to fuck around as we get into our 40s, 50s and 60s. Look, the days ahead of us are gonna be shorter than the days behind us. So don't fuck around, ask better questions, be radically honest. And I know this goes against all of my contemporaries, all of my, any contemporary of mine watching this go, this guy's full of shit. He only does his panda to women. I'm like, folks, you know what? What's the definition of sanity? Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. I'm offering a different way of doing something and my hope is it's making a difference. And let me tell you those women who write me after this are finding themselves great guys in their life because they're introducing something that builds intimacy together and not the bullshit. How's your day going? Are you having a good day? I hope you have a good day. Let's pray that you have a good day. Anyways, that's what I observe. Anyways, thank you so much for that question. I went off on a tangent. So thanks so much. All right, let's scroll. Let's go swim in. Marguerite says you're hilarious. Thank you so much. All right, Jennifer says the Dale Carnegie book, Dale Carnegie book changed my life. See? Thank you. Ishara says, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Let's go swimming. Human energy, exactly, Suzette. How do I get a man to make more effort? How do I get a man to make more effort? How do I get a man to? So in a healthy relationship, one of the fundamentals, again, by the way, if you're not familiar with the Gottman Institute, by the way, the book is eight dates, but it's by John and Julie Gottman. There's the Gottman Institute. One of the things that they talk about is bids or requests for intimacy, bids or requests for intimacy. So what you might wanna share is, now that rhetoric might sound like this, it would feel really good if you could call me more often. It would feel really good if you'd call me more often. That's part of the languaging that you're taught by some of my contemporaries. I wanna add the following. It feel really good if you call me more often. Is that doable? Like, in other words, invite the agreement. It's one thing to make the request, but then offer the agreement. Is that doable for you? And if he says, well, I can call you every other day, okay, well now you have something to negotiate between the two of you. If you wanna have a man make more effort, then come at it from a place of a conversation and not confrontation. Let me repeat that, a conversation and not confrontation. So the worst thing you could do is tell a man, I need you to do more of this. By the way, that will trigger his mother or father wound and he will run to the hills. I gotta tell you, whenever I'm told what to do, that triggers my parental bullshit and I run as fast as possible. Now, when you come from a place of curiosity, come from a genuine place of saying, this will help our relationship, then I have a choice. Now, most men, 80% of men, they're not capable of being in a healthy happy relationship. They're the emotionally dysfunctional ones and you'll lose those guys sooner rather than later. And that's okay too, just like the saying says, rejection is God's protection. Not that I love that saying, but it's just one of those things out there. And my invitation for you is make a request by offering how it would feel for that request to be, and you say it would make me feel really good if we could connect every night before we go to bed. Is that okay with you? And at least get his buy-in, because then he has a choice, because men oftentimes, they don't wanna make a promise they can't keep, so they'll offer an alternate solution, or if they agree and then they don't do it, well, then the guy's actions doesn't match his words, until they go fuck off. Folks, look it, I know I've said this before, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there for you on a first date with my shotgun, pointing at the guy's nose saying, what are your intentions with my little sister? Okay, and by the way, I'm saying this tongue in cheek, but the metaphor is you have to be your own advocate, because nobody else is gonna be an advocate for you, and I'm offering some tools for you to be a better advocate in your life. This is victor consciousness, and not victim consciousness. Are you with me? Give me an amen or a thumbs up. So I wanna thank you so much, Sonya, for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, Robin says, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, my fiancee, to have all that you have discussed. I totally followed everything you said. See, folks, here's an example of someone who follows my work, and she says she's one of the lucky ones. If you wanna be one of the lucky ones, listen to my advice, or check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And if you can't afford coaching, check out my membership group for 20 bucks a month. You can have direct access to me on a regular basis. And again, to say thank you today if you could purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat, it really helps me maintain this channel on your behalf. So thank you so much. All right, how do you keep a man on his toes? Put a million dollars 10 feet above him. He's gonna get on his toes to get there. I'm just being silly here. That one I don't wanna address, so. All right, let's see what else we have here. Sandra says rejection is God's protection. Vicki says thumbs up. Yashara says thumbs up. Marguerite says amen. Debbie says amen. All right, let's see what other questions we have. Choose logic, let's see. Sarah says I had a first date yesterday and today got eight dates book. Yay, way to go. Sarah, great book to read. Everybody, this will change your life. Kat says I need to buy this book. Jonathan, you would make an excellent marriage counselor. I've actually had people now reach out to me to help them do counseling within their relationship. So I've done that a few times. By the way, what do you think of my turtleneck or my mock turtleneck? Anyways, yes, I've done that. So thank you so much. Oh, speaking of turtleneck, gorgeous color on you. Thank you, Cynthia, I appreciate that. All right, we're gonna save the last few questions. If you have a personal question to ask of me, a question you wanna ask of me personally, not about you, but about Jonathan, post a question there. I'm gonna save these last few minutes for anything personal you wanna ask of me. And the reason why I do this on occasion is because many of you do reach out to me privately. So here's a chance to talk to me personally. So write the word personal question and then post the question there after. And I'm gonna take Sadie's question at a time of this. Jonathan, can you tell us why it's so important for a man to feel that a woman respects him? I love this question, Sadie, thank you so much. Why is, well, I think it's important for men and women alike to both feel respected. Men from, men I think need this. Well, the way Dr. Pat Allen says it. So I'm gonna, this is something I'm gonna borrow from Dr. Pat Allen. And I've been contemplating whether or not this is true or not. So let me say it out loud and then we can explore it together. So Pat Allen says men feel cherished when they're respected and women feel respected when they're cherished. So there's an interesting duality within this. And the idea is both men and women do want to feel respected. So let's think of the opposite of respect, disrespect. Quite frankly, I will tell you so many women and men are in relationship with each other and they actually disrespect each other. I mean, it's funny how simply they disrespect each other by not living, their actions not consistently matching your words. That is a pure example of disrespect. Because when you respect someone, you don't make a promise, you can't keep as an example. So why do men need to feel respected? Because it sucks to feel disrespected. And I've been in a relationship where I felt disrespected. It was called marriage. And let me be fair to my ex-wife because she is a great woman and a good mother to my children. I was a jackass of a husband, mainly because I was very myopically focused on making money, making money, making money. And I wasn't focused on being a good husband. And she had her own bullshit going on as well. So I mean, she may never take ownership of it. I'll take ownership of my part. I'll take ownership of my half of how fucked up or how fucked up I operate in the relationship. But at the end of the day, when you feel disrespected, you're gonna start treating each other like shit. So either respect a person or move on because it's or at least find that common ground. And love is also a component of letting go of the small shit, not the big shit, but the small shit. Love says what love does is let go of the small shit. And if there's big shit to disrespect, then move on. If there's little stuff, that's where love comes in and takes up the gap. So anyway, Sadie, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's see what kind of personal questions you have for me. Oh my gosh, I wanna thank, I wanna thank Sandra for the $27.99 super stickers. Thank you so much. That is so sweet of you for the Connor-Asley fund. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right. Colleen says, I hope to meet a man like yourself. Well, thank you so much. Believe me, I am no picnic to be with, okay? As much as, listen, I know many of you are very generous to me. I'm no picnic to be with at times. What's the difference between training a man and trying to change a man? By the way, there'll be video coming out, I believe tomorrow answering that question. All right. All right, here's a personal question from Marianne. What happened, what was it that made you realize that you were ready to take care of somebody and how did you come to that conclusion that you were ready to be in a commitment again? Oh my God, great question. And I wanna answer one more question, Ms. Ford's question, I am not in a current relationship. So, and we're gonna end on this one, folks. So after my divorce, the divorce, listen, at one point I was worth a couple million dollars and I had to split the money in the divorce and I was okay with that. What happened was the market crash of 2008, I got wiped out and I lost my quarter million dollar year job and that emotionally devastated me. I wanna say for almost a decade, almost a decade, I was in the tunnel of despair. I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up. I was doing drugs and alcohol just to get through the day and online dating was one of my drugs of choice. Actually, first dates was my drug of choice. Now it ended up being the catalyst for what I'm doing today so I'm very grateful for that collapse. And for the longest time, I was rebuilding my life. In fact, folks, I used to live in a $2 million home while I was married and shortly thereafter when I lost everything, I had to move into my mom and dad's house, which was a condo in a retirement community with a bunch of 70, 80 and 90 year old folks. And that was so embarrassing. I felt so much shame for so many years. And when I began following my passion as a dating and relationship coach, I started to dig my way out of this pit of despair I was in and it really was. Now I started to make a six-figure living about eight, nine years ago, but here in Southern California, that just didn't feel like enough to really, I could take care of myself and at least I was in a position to take care of myself. I was in a position to take care of myself. What really changed it for me, and I wanna thank all of you is the YouTube channel because because of that, my coaching practice is quadrupled or not quadrupled, it's great like five-fold. This was, and I'll be candid with you when Connor passed away, there he is right there. I was in a bit of despair during that period of 2018, 2019. So I really wasn't a capacity that you wanna be in relationship with anyone. In fact, it's only been this last year that I'm in that financial position and men associate financially taking care of someone, but it's also, can I take care of someone emotionally? And now that I feel like the foundation underneath me feels solid, I'm not going through a lot of chaos in my life. The foundation feels solid. I'm in a great position financially. And this is true for a lot of men. If they don't feel like they're in a good position financially and there's chaos going on in their life, the foundation underneath them doesn't feel solid, then it's very difficult to lean into the most important facet of a fully committed relationship. And that is, I'm gonna take care of you. I wanna take care of you. You don't think about that on a first date. You think about that ahead of time. I'm ready to take care of someone. And I really only had this epiphany. Actually, I did a mushroom journey a month ago. Had this amazing psilocybin journey. And in that, my mother came to me in a vision. My mother who passed away, that's her right there. And she said, Jonathan, you're ready to love again. You are ready to love again because you're ready to take care of someone. So with that epiphany, and by the way, if you haven't done psilocybin, whoa, is that a life changer? Just like the Hoffman process, but that's another conversation as well. So to going back to your original question, it's only recently I felt this and I feel so much more empowered now. And I will tell you, a lot of men aren't capable of going into deeper intimacy. They're not capable of going into deeper commitment because they have to go deeper into deeper intimacy. They haven't resigned themselves to wanting to take care of someone. I think that's the, let's think about it. Through richer, through poorer, through thicker, thin, sickness, and in health, what is that all about? Saying, I've got your back. And to me, when I'm ready to say I love you to my next partner, I might hope my last first kiss, I love you means I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. And I only want you. I'm here. I'm present. You matter. That's saying you're important to me. We are important. That's saying that the relationship is a separate entity. I've got your back. That means I'm going to be there for you through thick and thin. I'm not going anywhere. Means I'm fully committed to this relationship. And I only want you. Means I only wanna fuck your brains out. You're the only one I wanna go down on a regular basis. You're the one that I wanna pleasure on a regular basis. That's what to me I love you means for me and might invite you to look at I love you in the same capacity. All right. I think that's a great play. Let me, if you agree, give me an amen. Give me a like and give me a super sticker. All right. Sandra says more men need to listen to you. I love that. Love the breakdown. Thank you so much. Colleen says I would love to find that out. Thank you so much. Holly says I totally agree. Thank you so much. Everyone from the bottom of my heart I wanna thank you so much. I do wanna share with you beginning in December. I'm only gonna, I'm gonna be setting up a membership program. And that's all the people that can chat are those who joined the membership program. So I just wanna give you a heads up. If you find value in my content, if you could help support my channel that would mean a lot to me. And again, that helps to pray the cost of personal development for those who are in need support. So I wanna thank everyone. And Bridget says, keep swearing. Fuckin' A, keep swearing. I wanna thank Sandra and Grace and Debbie and everyone that joined us today from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. And I'm gonna wrap up this broadcast as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. And I told you, I felt what it felt like after the Hoffman process. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank you all so much. And again, check out the links below to a free discovery call to my membership group, to my podcast and my books and all the books I recommend. What the heck is self love anyway? And when you purchase it, take a picture of it and send it to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. Wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks, bye now.