 section 41 book 3 chapter 15 of Marcella this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Tara Mendoza Marcella by Mrs. Humphrey Ward section 41 book 3 chapter 15 the following afternoon about 6 o'clock Marcella came in from her second round after a very busy week work happened to be slack and she had been attending one or two cases in and near Brown's buildings rather because they were near than because they seriously wanted her she looked to see whether there was any letter or telegram from the office which would have obliged her to go out again nothing was to be seen and she put down her bag and cloak childishly glad of the extra hour of rest she was indeed pale and worn the moral struggle which had filled the past fortnight from end to end had deepened all the grooves and strained the forces of life and the path though glimmering was not wholly plain a letter lay unfinished in her drawer if she sent it that night there would be little necessity or inducement for Wharton to climb those stairs on the moral yet if he held her to it she must see him as the sun set and the dusk crept on she still sat silent and alone sunk in a depression which showed itself in every line of the drooping form she was degraded in her own eyes the nature of the impulses which had led her to give Wharton the hold upon her she had given him had become plain to her what lay between them and the worst impulses that poison the lives of women but differences of degree of expression after those wild hours of sensuous revolt a kind of moral terror was upon her what had worked in her what was at the root of this vehemence of moral reaction this haunting fear of losing forever the best in life self-respect the comradeship of the good communion with things noble and unstained which had conquered at last the mere woman the weakness of vanity and of sex she hardly knew only there was in her a sort of vague thankfulness for her daily work it did not seem to be possible to see one's own life solely under the aspects of selfish desire while hands and mind were busy with the piteous realities of sickness and of death from every act of service from every contact with the patience and simplicity of the poor something had spoken to her that divine ineffable something for ever set in the world like beauty like charm for the winning of men to itself follow truth it said to her in faint mysterious breathings the truth of your own heart the sorrow to which it will lead you is the only joy that remains to you suddenly she looked around her little room with a rush of tenderness the windows were open to the evening and the shouts of children playing in the courtyard came floating up a bowl of mellow roses sent to the air the tray for her simple meals stood ready and beside it a volume of the divine comedy one of her mother's very rare gifts to her in her motherless youth for of late she had turned thirstily to poetry there was a great peace and plainness about it all and besides touches of beauty tokens of the soul her work spoke in it called to her promised comfort and ennobling she thought with yearning to of her parents of the autumn holiday she was soon to spend with them her heart went out sorely to all the primal claims upon it nevertheless clear as was the inner resolution the immediate future filled her with dread her ignorance of herself her excitable folly had given Wharton rights which her conscious admitted he would not let her go without a struggle and she must face it as to the incidents which had happened during the fort night Lewis Craven's return and the scandal of the people's banking company they had troubled and distressed her but it would not be true to say that they had had any part in shaping her slow determination Lewis Craven was sore and bitter she was very sorry for him and his reports of the Damesley strikes made her miserable but she took Wharton's leaders in the Clarion for another equally competent opinion on the same subject and told herself that she was no judge as for the company scandal she had instantly and proudly responded to the appeal of his letter and put the matter out of her thoughts till at least he should give his own account so much at any rate she owed to the man who had stood by her through the herd trial Marcella Boyce would not readily believe in his dishonor she did not in fact believe it in spite of later misgivings the impression of his personality as she had first conceived it in the early days at Mellor was still too strong no rather she had constantly recollected throughout the day what was going on in Parliament these were for him testing and critical hours and she felt a wistful sympathy let him only rise to his part take up his great task an imperious knocking on her thin outer door roused her she went to open it and saw Anthony Craven the perspiration standing on his brow his delicate cripples face white and fierce I want to talk to you he said without preface have you seen the afternoon papers no she said in astonishment I was just going to send for them what is wrong he followed her into the sitting room without speaking and then he unfolded the palm all he had in his hand and pointed to a large print paragraph on the central page with a shaking hand Marcella read exciting scenes in the house meeting of the Labour members a committee of the Labour representatives in Parliament meant this afternoon at two o'clock for the purpose of electing a chairman and appointing whips to the party thus constituting a separate parliamentary group much interest was felt in the proceeding which it was the universally supposed will lead to the appointment of Mr. H. S. Walton the member for West Brookshire as chairman and leader of the Labour Party the excitement of the meeting and in the house may be imagined when after a short but very cordial and effective speech from Mr. Bennett the member for North Wynwick in support of Mr. Wharton's candidature Mr. Wilkins the minors member for Dirlingham rose and made a series of astounding charges against the personal honour of the member for West Brookshire put briefly they amount to this that during the recent strike at Damesley the support of the Clarion newspaper of which Mr. Wharton his owner and practically editor was bought by the employers in return for certain shares in the new syndicate that the money for these shares which is put as high as twenty thousand pounds had already gone into Mr. Wharton's private pocket and that the change of policy on the part of the Clarion which led to the collapse of the strike was thus entirely due to what the Labour members can only regard under the circumstances as a bribe of a most disgraceful kind the effect produced has been enormous the debate is still proceeding and reporters have been excluded but I hope to send a fuller account later Marcella dropped the paper from her hand what does it mean she said to her companion precisely what it says replied Anthony with the nervous impatience he could not repress now he added as his lameness forced him to sit down will you kindly allow me some conversation with you it was you practically who introduced Lewis to that man you meant well to Lewis and Mr. Wharton has been your friend we therefore feel that we owe you some explanation for that paragraph he pointed to the paper is substantially Lewis is doing in mine yours she said mechanically but Lewis has been going on working for the paper I persuaded him I know it was not we who actually discovered the thing but we set a friend to work Lewis has had his suspicions all along and at last by the mirror's chance we got the facts then he told the story staring at her the while with his sparkling eyes his thin invalid's fingers fidgeting with his hat if there was in truth any idea in his mind that the relations between his companion and Harry Wharton were more than those of friendship it did not avail to make him spare her in the least he was absorbed in vindictive feeling which applied to her also he might say for form's sake that she had met well but in fact he regarded her at this moment as a sort of odious canedia whose one function had been to lure Lewis to misfortune cut off himself by half a score of peculiarities physical another from love pleasure and power Anthony Craven's whole affections and ambitions had for years centered in his brother and now Lewis was not only violently thrown out of employment but compromised by the connection with the clarion was more over settled with a wife and in debt so that his explanation was given with all the edge he could put upon it let her stop him if she pleased but she did not stop him the facts were these Lewis had indeed been persuaded by Marcella for the sake of his wife and bread and butter to go on working for the clarion as a reviewer but his mind was all the time feverishly occupied with the apostasy of the paper and its causes remembering Wharton's sayings and letters throughout the struggle he grew less and less able to explain the incident by the reasons Wharton had himself supplied and more and more convinced that there was some mystery behind he and Anthony talked the matter over perpetually one evening Anthony brought home from a meeting of the Venturists that George Denny the son of one of the principal employers in the Damesley trade whose name he had mentioned once before in Marcella's ears Denny was by this time the candidate for a labor constituency an ardent Venturist and the laughing stock of his capitalist family with whom however he was still on more or less affectionate terms his father thought him an incorrigible fool and his mother wailed over him to her friends but they were still glad to see him whenever he would condescend to visit them and all friction on many matters was avoided by the fact that Denny had for long refused to take any pecuniary help from his father and was nevertheless supporting himself tolerably by lecturing and literature then he was admitted into the brothers debate and had indeed puzzled himself a good deal over the matter already he had taken a lively interest in the strike and the articles in the Clarion which led to its collapse had seemed to him both inexplicable and emerging after his talk with the Cravens he went away determined to dine at home on the earliest possible opportunity he announced himself accordingly in Hertford Street was received with open arms and then deliberately set himself at dinner and afterwards debate his father on social and political questions which as a rule were avoided between them old Denny fell into the trap lost his temper and self-control completely and at the mention of Harry Wharton skillfully introduced at the precisely right moment as an authority on some matter connected with the current labor program he threw himself back in his chair and with an angry laugh Wharton Wharton you called that fellow to me why shouldn't I said the son quietly because my good sir he's a rogue that's all a common rogue from my point of view even still more from yours I know that any vile tale you can believe about a labor leader you do father said George Denny with dignity whereupon the older man thrust his hand into his coat pocket and drawing out a small leather case in which he was apt to carry important papers about with him extracted from it a list containing names and figures and held it with a somewhat tremulous hand under his son's eyes read it sir and hold your tongue last week my friends and I bought that man and his precious paper for a trifle of twenty thousand pounds are thereabouts it paid us to do it and we did it I dare say you will think the preceding questionable in my eyes it was perfectly legitimate a piece of burn gear the man was ruining a whole industry some of us had taken his measure had found out too by good luck that he was in some straits for money mortgages on the paper gambling debts and a host of other things discovered a shrewd man to play him and made our bid he rose to it like a gudgeon gave us no trouble whatever I need not say of course he added looking up at his son that I have shown you that paper and the very strictest confidence but it seems to me it was my duty as a father to warn you of the nature of some of your associates I understand said George Denney as after a careful study of the paper which contained for the help of the writer's memory a list of the sums paid and founder's shares allotted to the various promoters of the new syndicate he restored it to its owner well I father have this to say in return I came here tonight in the hope of getting from you this very information and in the public interest I hold myself not only free but bound to make public use of it at the earliest possible opportunity the family scene may be imagined but both threats and blandishments were entirely lost upon the son there was in him an idealist obstinacy which listened to nothing but the cry of a cause and he declared that nothing would or should prevent him from carrying the story of the bribe direct to Nehemiah Wilkins Wharton's chief rival in the house and so saving the country and the labor party from the disaster and disgrace of Wharton's leadership there was no time to lose the party meeting in the house was only two days off at the end of a long struggle which exhausted everybody concerned and was carried on to a late hour of the night Dinney Peret influenced by a desire to avoid worse things conscious too of the abundant evidence he possessed of Wharton's acceptance and private use of the money and probably when it came to the point not unwilling and a compulsion to tumble such a hero from his pedestal actually wrote under his son's advice a letter to Wilkins it was crouched in the most cautious language and professed to be written in the interests of Wharton himself to put an end to certain ugly and unfounded rumors that have been brought to my knowledge the negotiation itself was described in the driest business terms Mr Wharton upon cause shown consented to take part in the founding of the syndicate and in return for his assistance was allotted ten founders shares in the new company the transaction differed in nothing from those of ordinary business a last sentence slyly added by the socialist son and innocently accepted by one of the shrewdest of men after which master George Dinney scarcely slept and by nine o'clock next morning was in a handsome on his way to Wilkins lodgings in Westminster the glee of that black bearded patriot hardly needs description he flung himself on the letter with a delight and relief so exuberant that George Dinney went off to another more phlegmatic member of the anti Wharton cave with entities that an eye should be kept on the member of Dirlingham lest he should do or disclose anything before the dramatic moment then he himself spent the next 48 hours in ingenious efforts to put together certain additional information as to the current value of founder shares in the new company the nature and amount of Wharton's debts and so on thanks to his father's hints he was able in the end to discover quite enough to furnish forth a supplementary statement so that when the 10th arrived the day rose upon a group of men breathlessly awaiting a play within a play with all their parts rehearsed and the prompter ready such in substance was Anthony's story so carried away was he by the excitement and triumph of it that he soon ceased to notice what its effect might be upon his pale and quick-breathing companion and now what has happened she asked him abruptly when at last he paused why you saw he said an astonishment pointing to the evening paper at least the beginning of it Lewis is at the house now I expect him every moment he said he would follow me here Marcella pressed her hands upon her eyes a moment as though in pain Anthony looked at her with a tardy prick of remorse I hear Lewis is not he said springing up may I let him in and without waiting for reply he hobbled as fast as his crutch would carry him to the outer door Lewis came in Marcella rose mechanically he paused on the threshold his short sight trying to make her out in the dusk then his face softened and quivered he walked forward quickly I know you have something to forgive us he said and that this will distress you but we could not give you warning everything was so rapid and the public interest involved so crushing he was flushed with vengeance and victory but as he approached her his look was deprecating almost timid only the night before Anthony for the first time had suggested to him an idea about her he did not believe it had had no time in truth to think of it in the rush of events but now he saw her the doubt pulled at his heart had he indeed stabbed the hand that had tried to help him Anthony touched him impatiently on the arm what has happened Lewis I've shown miss boys the first news it is all over said Lewis briefly the meeting was breaking up as I came away it had lasted nearly five hours there was a fierce fight of course between Wharton and Wilkins then Bennett with jury's resolution refused to be nominated himself nearly broke down in fact they say he had always been attached to Wharton and had set his heart upon making him leader and finally after a long wrangle Malloy was appointed chairman of the party good cried Anthony not able to suppress the note of exaltation Lewis did not speak he looked at Marcella did he defend himself she asked in a low sharp voice Lewis shrugged his shoulders oh yes he spoke but it did him no good everybody agreed that the speech was curiously ineffective one would have expected him to do it better but he seemed to be knocked over he said of course that he had satisfied himself and given proof in the paper that the strike cannot be maintained and that being so he was free to join any syndicate he pleased but he spoke amid dead silence and there was a general groan when he sat down oh it was not this business only Wilkins made great play and part of his speech with the company scandal too it is a complete smash all around which he will never get over said Marcella quickly not with our men what he may do elsewhere is another matter Anthony has told you how it came out she made a sign of ascent she was sitting erect and cold her hands round her knees I did not mean to keep anything from you he said in the low voice bending to her I know you admired him that he had given you cause but my mind has been on fire ever since I came back from those damesly scenes she offered no reply silence fell upon all three for a minute or two and in the twilight each could hardly distinguish the others every now and then the passionate tears rose in Marcella's eyes her heart contracted that very night when he spoke to her when he used all those big words to her about his future those great ends for which he had claimed her woman's help he had these things in his mind I think said Lewis Craven presently touching her gently on the arm he had tried once in vain to attract her attention I think I hear someone asking for you outside on the landing Mrs. Hurd seems to be bringing the men as he spoke Anthony suddenly sprang to his feet and the outer door opened Lewis cried Anthony it is he are you're at home miss said Minta Hurd putting in her head I can hardly see it's a dark here's a gentleman wants to see you as she spoke Wharton passed her and stood arrested by the side of the three figures at the same moment Mrs. Hurd lit the gas in the little passage the light streamed upon his face and showed him the identity of the two men standing beside Marcella never did Marcella forget that apparition the young grace and power of the figure the indefinable note of wreck of catastrophe the lucifer brightness of the eyes in the set face she moved forward Anthony stopped her goodnight miss voice she shook hands unconsciously with him and with Lewis the two Cravens turned to the door Wharton advanced into the room and let them pass you have been in a hurry to tell your story he said as Lewis walked by him contemptuous hate breathed from every feature but he was perfectly self-controlled yes said Craven calmly now it is your turn the door was no sooner shut then Wharton strode forward and caught her hand they have told you everything ah his eye fell upon the evening paper letting her go he felt for the chair and dropped into it throwing himself back his hands behind his head he drew a long breath and his eyes closed for the first time in his life or hers she saw him weak and spent like other men even his nerve had been worn down by the excitement of these five fighting hours the eyes were lined and hollow the brow contracted the young brownness of the cheek was lost in the general pallor and patchiness of the skin the lower part of the face seemed to have sharpened and lengthened and over the hole had passed a breath of something aging and withering the traces of which sent a shiver through Marcella she sat down near him still in her nurse's cloak one trembling hand upon her lap will you tell me what made you do this she asked not being able to think of anything else to say he opened his eyes with a start in that instance quiet the scene he had just lived through had been rushing before him again the long table in the paneled committee room the keen angry faces gathered about it Bennett and his blue tie and shabby black coat the clear moist eyes vexed and miserable Maloy small and wiry businesslike in the midst of confusion cool in the midst of tollment and Wilkins a black hectoring leviathan thundering on the table as he flung his broad Yorkshire across it or mouthing out Denny's letter in the midst of the sudden electrical silence of some thirty amazed and incredulous heroes spies your cordless with a finger like a dart threatening the enemy oh and you're about to eat I and my friends we have been tracking and spying for weeks we knew those men those starving women in berns were being sold but we couldn't prove it now we've come at the how and the why of it and we'll make it harder for men like you to sell him again you call it infamy well we call it detection them rattling on the inner ear came the phrases of the attack which followed on the director of the people's banking association the injured innocent of as mean a job as unsavory a bit of vulturous finance as it cropped into publicity for many a year and finally the last dramatic cry but it's a new in the matter you say mr. Wharton has no but played his party and working man a dirty trick or two and you man have a gentleman no the working man is into fit himself to speak with his own enemies at the gate you man have a gentleman and mr. Wharton he says he'll tack the post and dear his best for you and remember you man have a gentleman so and now yes or no will you or won't you and at that the precipitation of the great and wieldy form half across the table towards Wharton's seat the roar of the speaker's immediate supporters thrown up against the dead silence of the rest as to his own speech he thought of it with a soreness a disgust which penetrated to bones and marrow he had been too desperately taken by surprise had lost his nerve missed the right tone throughout cool defiance free self-justification might have carried him through instead of which fah all this was the phantom show of a few seconds thought he roused himself from a miserable reaction of mind and body to attend to Marcella's question why did i do it he repeated why he broke off pressing both his hands upon his brow then he suddenly sat up and pulled himself together is that tea he said touching the tray well you give me some Marcella went into the back kitchen and called Minta while the boiling water was brought and the tea was made Wharton sat forward with his face on his hands and saw nothing Marcella whispered a word in Minta's ear as she came in the woman paused looked at Wharton whom she had not recognized before in the dark grew pale and Marcella saw her hands shaking as she set the tray in order Wharton knew nothing and thought nothing of Curd's widow but to Marcella the juxtaposition of the two figures brought a wave of complex emotion Wharton forced himself to eat and drink hardly speaking the while then when the trimmer of sheer exhaustion had to some extent abated he suddenly realized who this was that was sitting opposite to him ministering to him she felt his hand his quick powerful hand on hers to you i owe the whole truth let me tell it she drew herself away instinctively but so softly that he did not realize it he threw himself back once more in the chair beside her one knee over the other the curly head so much younger tonight than the face beneath it supported on his arms his eyes closed again for rest and plunged into the story of the clarion it was admirably told he had probably so rehearsed it to himself several times already he described his action as the result of a double influence working upon him the influence of his own debts and necessities and the influence of his growing conviction that the maintenance of the strike had become a blunder even a misfortune for the people themselves then just as i was at my wit's end conscious besides that the paper was on a wrong line and must somehow be good out of it came the overtures from the syndicate i knew perfectly well i ought to have refused them of course my whole career was risked by listening to them but at the same time they gave me assurances that the work people would ultimately gain they proved to me that i was helping to extinguish the trade as to the money when a great company has to be launched the people who help it into being get paid for it it is invariable it happens every day i like the system no more than you may do or wilkins but consider i was in such straits that bankruptcy lay between me and my political future moreover i had lost nerve sleep balance i was scarcely master of myself when pearsan first brooched the matter to me pearsan cried marcella involuntarily she recalled the figure of the solicitor had heard his name from frank levin she remembered wartons impatient words there is a tiresome man wants to speak to me on business it was then i that evening something sickened her warton raised himself in his chair and looked at her attentively with his young haggard eyes in the faint lamplight she was a pale vision of the purest and noblest beauty but the lofty sadness of her face filled him with a kind of terror desire impotent pain violent resolve swept across him he had come to her straight from the scene of his ruin as to the last bulwark left him against a world bent on his destruction and bare henceforward of all delights well what have you to say to me he said suddenly in a low changed voice as i speak as i look at you i see in your face that you distrust that you have judged me those two men i suppose have done their work yet from you you of all people i might look not only for justice i will dare say it for kindness she trembled she understood that he appealed to the days at meller and her lips quivered now she exclaimed almost timidly i try to think the best i see the pressure was great and consider please he said proudly what the reasons were for that pressure she looked at him interrogatively a sudden softness in her eyes if at that moment he had confessed himself fully if he had thrown himself upon her in the frank truth of his mixed character and he could have done it with a rousseau like completeness it is difficult to say what the result of this scene might have been in the midst of shock and repulsion she was filled with pity and there were moments when she was more drawn to his defeat and undoing than she had ever been to his success yet how question him to do so would be to assume a right which in turn would imply his rights she thought of that mention of gambling debts than of his luxurious habits and extravagant friends but she was silent only as she sat there opposite to him one slim hand propping the brow her look invited him he thought he saw his advantage you must remember he said with the same self assertive bearing that i have never been a rich man that my mother spent my father's savings on a score of public objects that she and i started a number of experiments on the estate that my expenses as a member of parliament are very large and that i spent thousands on building of the clarion i've been ruined by the clarion by the cause the clarion supported i got no help from my party where was it to come from they were all poor men i had to do everything myself and the struggle has been more than flesh and blood to bear this year often i have not known how to move to breathe for anxieties of every sort then came the crisis my work my usefulness my career all threatened the men who hated me saw their opportunity and i was a fool and gave it to them and my enemies have used it to the bitter end tone and gesture were equally insistent and strong what he was saying to himself was that with a woman of marcellus type one must bear it out this moment of wreck was also with him the first moment of all absorbing and desperate desire to win her to rest her from the craven's influence that had been the cry in his mind throughout his days dry from the house of commons her hand in his her strength her beauty the romantic reputation that had begun to attach to her at his command and he would have taken the first step to recovery he would see his way to write himself ah but he had missed his chance somehow every word he had been saying rang false to her she could have thrown herself as a saving angel on the side of weakness and disaster which had spoken its proper language and with a reckless and confiding truth had appealed to the largeness of a woman's heart but this patriot ruined so nobly for such disinterested purposes left her cold she began to think even hating herself of the thousands he was supposed to have made in the gambling over that wretched company no doubt for the cause too but before she could say a word he was kneeling beside her marcella give me my answer i am in trouble and defeat be a woman and come to me he had her hands she tried to recover them no she said with passionate energy that is impossible i had written to you before you came before i had heard a word of this please please let me go not to you explain he said still holding her and roused to a white heat of emotion why is it impossible you said to me once with all your heart that you thanked me that i had taught you helped you you cannot ignore the bond between us and you are free i have a right to say to you you thirst to save to do good come and save a man that cries to you he confesses to you freely enough that he has made a hideous mistake help him to redeem it she rose suddenly with all her strength freeing herself from him so that he rose to and stood glowering and pale when i said that to you she cried i was betraying her voice failed her an instant we were both false to the obligation that should have held us restrained us no no i will never be your wife we should hurt each other poison each other her eyes shown with wild tears as he stood there before her she was seized with a piteous sense of contrast of the irreparable of what might have been what do you mean he asked her roughly she was silent his passion rose do you remember he said approaching her again that you have given me cause to hope it is those two fanatics that have changed you possessed your mind she looked at him with a pale dignity my letters have warned you she said simply if you had come tomorrow in prosperity you would have got the same answer at once today now i have had weak moments because because i did not know how to add pain to pain but they are gone i see my way i do not love you that is the simple the whole truth i could not follow you he stared at her in instant in a bitter silence i have been warned he said slowly but in truth losing control of himself not only by you and i suppose i understand you repent last year your own letter said as much you mean to recover the ground the place you lost oh well most natural most fitting when the time comes in my bones or less sore i suppose i shall have my second congratulations ready meanwhile she gave a low cry and burst suddenly into a passion of weeping turning her face from him but when in pale sudden shame he tried to excuse himself to appease her she moved away with a gesture that overawed him you have not confessed yourself she said and his look wavered under the significance of hers but you drive me to it yes i repent her breast heaved she caught a breath i have been trying to cheat myself these last few weeks to run away from grief and the other night when you asked me i would have given all i have an m to feel like any happy girl who says yes to her lover and tried to feel so but even then though i was miserable and reckless i knew in my heart was impossible if you suppose if you like to suppose that i i have hopes of plans as mean as they would be silly you must of course but i've given no one any right to think or say so mr. warden gathering all her self-control she put out her white hand to him please please say goodbye to me it has been hideous vanity and mistake and wretchedness unknowing each other from the beginning i am grateful for all you did i shall always be grateful i hope oh i hope that that you will find a way through this trouble i don't want to make it worse by a word if i could do anything but i can't you must please go it is late and i wish to call my friend mrs. herd their eyes meant hers full of a stern yet quivering power his strained and bloodshot in his lined young face then with a violent gesture as though he swept her out of his path he caught up his hat went to the door and was gone she fell on her chair almost fainting and sat there for long in the summer dark covering her face but it was not his voice that haunted her ears you have done me wrong i pray god you may not do yourself a greater wrong in the future again and again amid the whirl of memory she pressed the sad remembered words upon the inward wound and fever tasting cherishing the smart of them and as her trance of exhaustion and despair gradually left her it was as though she crept close to some dim beloved form in whom her heart knew henceforward the secret and soul companion of its inmost life end of section 41 book 3 chapter 15 recording by terra mendosa phoenix arizona may 2011 book 4 chapter 1 of marcella this is a libra vox recording or libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libra vox.org recording by paul stevens marcella by mrs huntfree ward book 4 chapter 1 book 4 you and i why care by what meanders we are here in the center of the labyrinth men have died trying to find this place which we have found chapter 1 ah how purely cleanly beautiful was the autumn sunrise after her long hardening to the stale noisiveness of london streets the taint of london air marcella hung out of her window at mella in a thirsty delight drinking in the scent of dew and earth and trees watching the ways of the birds pouring forth a soul of yearning and of memory into the pearly silence of the morning high up on the distant hill to the left beyond the avenue the pale apricots and golds of the newly shorn stubbles caught the mounting light the beaches of the avenue were turning fast and the chestnuts girdling the church on her right hand were already thin enough to let the tower show through that was the bell the old bell given to the church by hampton's friend john bois striking half past five and close upon it came the call of a pheasant in the avenue there he was fine fellow with his silly mincing run redeemed all at once by the sudden were of towering flight today mary harden and the rector would be at work in the church and tomorrow was to be the harvest festival was it two years or in an hour or two would she be going with her basket from the cedar garden to find that figure in the brown shooting coat standing with the hardens on the altar steps alas alas her head dropped on her hands as she knelt by the open window how changed were all the aspects of the world three weeks before the bell in that little church had told for one who in the best way and temper of his own generation had been god's servant and man's friend who had been marcella's friend and had even in his last days on a word from edward halyn sent her an old man's kindly farewell tell her lord maxwell had written with his own hand to halyn she has taken up a noble work and will make i pray god a noble woman she had i think a kindly liking for an old man and she will not disdain his blessing he had died at geneva oldest and miss rayburn with him for instead of coming home in august he had grown suddenly worse and oldest had gone out to him they had brought him to the court for burial and the new lord maxwell leaving his aunt at the court had almost immediately returned to town because of edward halyn state of health marcella had seen much of halyn since he and his sister had come back to london in the middle of august halyn's apparent improvement had faded within a week or two of his return to his rooms oldest was at geneva miss halyn was in a panic of alarm and marcella found herself both nurse and friend day after day she would go in after her nursing rounds share their evening meal and either write for halyn or help the sister by the slight extra weight of her professional voice to keep him from writing and thinking he would not himself admit that he was ill at all and his whole energies at the time were devoted to the preparation of a series of three addresses on the subject of land reform which would be delivered in october to the delegates of a large number of working men's clubs from all parts of london so strong was halyn's position among working men reformers and so beloved had been his personality that as soon as his position towards the new land nationalizing movement now gathering formidable strength among the london working men had come to be widely understood a combined challenge had been sent him by some half dozen of the leading socialist and radical clubs asking him to give three weekly addresses in october to a congress of london delegates time to be allowed after the lecture for questions and debate halyn had accepted the invitation with eagerness and was throwing an intensity of labor into the writing of his three lectures which often seemed to his poor sister to be not only utterly beyond his physical strength but to carry with it a note as of a last effort a farewell message such as her devoted affection could ill endure for all the time he was struggling with cardiac weakness and brain irritability which would have overwhelmed anyone less accustomed to make his account with illness or to balance against feebleness of body a marvellous discipline of soul lord maxwell was still alive and halyn in the midst of his work was looking anxiously for the daily reports from oldest living in his friend's life almost as much as in his own handing on the reports to day by day to marcella with a manner which had somehow slipped into expressing a new and sure confidence in her sympathy when she one evening found minter heard watching for her at the door with a telegram from her mother your father suddenly worse please come at once she arrived at mella late that same night on the same day lord maxwell died less than a week later he was buried in the little ghastly church mr boyce was then alarmingly ill and marcella sat in his darkened room or in her own all day thinking from time to time of what was passing three miles away of the great house in its morning of the figures round the grave halyn of course would be there it was a dripping september day and she passed easily from moments of passionate yearning and clairvoyance to worry herself about the damp and the fatigue that halyn must be facing since then she had heard occasionally from miss halyn everything was much as it had been apparently edward was still hard at work still ill still serene oldest miss halyn could not yet reconcile herself to the new name was alone in the kursen street house much occupied and harassed apparently by the legal business of the succession by the election presently to be held in his own constituency and by the winding up of his work at the home office he was to resign his undersecretary ship but with the new session and a certain rearrangement of offices it was probable that he would be brought back into the ministry meanwhile he was constantly with them and she thought that his interest in edwards work and anxiety about his health were perhaps both good for him as helping to throw off something of his own grief and depression whereby it will be noticed that miss halyn like her brother had by now come to speak intimately and freely to marcella of her old lover and their friend now for some days however she had received no letter from either brother or sister and she was particularly anxious to hear for this was the fourth of october and on the second he was to have delivered the first of his addresses how had the frail prophet spared she had her fears for her weekly evenings in browns buildings had shown her a good deal of the passionate strength of feeling developed during the past year in connection with this particular propaganda she doubted whether the london working man at the present moment was likely to give even halyn a fair hearing on the point however louis craven was to be there and he had promised to write even if susie halyn could find no time some report ought to reach mella by the evening poor cravens the young wife who was expecting a baby had behaved with great spirit through the clarion trouble and selling their bits of furniture to pay their debts they had gone to lodge near antony louis had got some odds and ends of designing an artistic work to do through his brother's influence and was writing where he could here and there marcella had introduced them to the halyn's and susie halyn was taking a motherly interest in the coming child antony in his gloomy way was doing all he could for them but the struggle was likely to be a hard one and marcella had recognized of late that in louis as in antony there were dangerous possibilities of melancholy and eccentricity her heart was often sore over their trouble and her own impotence mean time for some wounds at any rate time had brought swift quartery not three days after her final interview with warton while the catastrophe in the labour party was still in everyone's mouth and the air was full of bitter speeches and recrimination halyn one evening laid down his newspaper with a sudden startle gesture and then pushed it over to marcella there in the columns devoted to personal news of various sorts appeared the announcement a marriage has been arranged between mr hs warton mp for west brooksha and lady selena farrell only surviving daughter of lord ailesford the ceremony will probably take place somewhere about easter next meanwhile mr warton whose health has suffered of late from his exertions in and out of the house has been ordered to the east for rest by his medical advisors he and his friends sir william folio start for french cochin china in a few days their object is to explore the famous ruined temples of ancor in cambodia and if the season is favourable they may attempt to ascend the meekong mr warton is paired for the remainder of the session did you know anything of this said halyn with that careful carelessness in which people dress a dubious question nothing she said quietly then an impulse not to be stood against springing from very mingle depths of feeling drove her on she too put down the paper and laying her fingertips together on her knee she said with an odd slight laugh but i was the last person to know about a fortnight ago mr warton proposed to me halyn sprang from his chair almost with a shout and you refused him she nodded and then was angrily aware that totally against her will or consent and for the most foolish and remote reasons those two eyes of hers had grown moist halyn went straight over to her do you mind letting me shake hands with you he said half ashamed of his outburst a dancing light of pleasure transforming the thin face there i am an idiot we won't say a word more except about lady selena have you seen her three or four times what is she like my seller hesitated is she fat and 40 said halyn fervently she beat him not at all she's very thin 35 elegant terribly of her own opinion and makes a great parade of papar she looked round at him unsteadily but gaily oh i see said halyn with disappointment she will only take care he doesn't beat her which i gather from your manner doesn't matter and her politics lord ailsford was left out of the ministry said marcella slyly he and lady selena thought it a pity ailsford ailsford why of course he was lord privy seal in their last cabinet a narrow-minded old stick did a heap of mischief in the lords well halyn pondered a moment warton will go over marcella was silent the tremor of that wrestler's hour had not yet passed away the girl could find no words in which to discuss warton himself this last amazing act or its future as for halyn he sat lost in pleasant dreams of a whitewashed warton comfortably settled at last below the gangway on the conservative side using all the old catch words in slightly different connections and living gaily on his lady selena fragments from the talk of nearmire nearmire the happy and truculent that new scourge of god upon the parasites of labor of poor bennett of maloy and of various others who had found time to drop in upon him since the labor smash kept whirling in his mind the same prediction he had just made to marcella was to be discerned in several of them he vowed to himself that he would write to rayburn that night congratulate him and the party on the possibility of so eminent a recruit and hint another item of news by the way she had trusted her confidence to him without any pledge an act for which he paid her well thence forward in the coin of a friendship far more intimate expansive and delightful than anything his sincerity had as yet allowed him to show her but these london incidents and memories near as they were in time looked many of them strangely remote to marcella in this morning silence when she drew back from the window after darkening the now sun flooded room in a very thorough business-like way in order that she might have four or five hours sleep there was something symbolic in the act she gave back her mind herself to the cares the anxieties the remorses of the past three weeks during the night she had been sitting up with her father that her mother might rest now as she lay down she thought with the sore tension which had lately become habitual to her of her father's state her mother's strange personality her own shortcomings by the middle of the morning she was downstairs again vigorous and fresh as ever mrs boyce's maid was for the moment in charge of the patient who was doing well mrs boyce was writing some household notes in the drawing room marcella went in search of her the bare room just as it ever was with its faded antique charm looked bright and tempting in the sun but the cheerfulness of it did but sharpen the impression of that thin form writing in the window mrs boyce looked years older the figure had shrunken flattened into that of an old woman the hair which two years before had been still young and abundant was now easily concealed under the close white cap she had adopted very soon after her daughter had left mella the dress was still exquisitely neat but planer and coarser only the beautiful hands and the delicate statelyness of carriage remained sole relics of a loveliness which had cost its owner a few pangs to part with marcella hovered near her a little behind her looking at her from time to time with a yearning compunction which mrs boyce seemed to be aware of and to avoid mama can't i do those letters for you i'm quite fresh no thank you they are just done when they were all finished and stamped mrs boyce made some careful entries in a very methodical account book and then got up locking the drawers of her little writing table behind her we can keep the london nurse another week i think she said there's no need said marcella quickly emma and i could divide the nights now and spare you all together you see i can sleep at any time your father seems to prefer nurse wenlock said mrs boyce marcella took the little blow in silence no doubt it was her due during the past two years she had spent two separate months at mella she had gone away in opposition to her father's wish and had found herself on her return more of a stranger to her parents than ever mrs boyce's illness involving a steady extension of paralytic weakness with occasional acute fits of pain and danger had made steady though very gradual progress all the time but it was not till some days after her return home that marcella had realized a tenth part of what her mother had undergone since the disastrous spring of the murder she passed now from the subject of the nurse with a half timid remark about expense oh the expense doesn't matter said mrs boyce as she stood absently before the lately kindled fire warming her chilled fingers at the blaze papa is more at ease in those ways marcella ventured and kneeling down beside her mother she gently chafed one of the cold hands there seems to be enough for what is wanted said mrs boyce bearing the charring with patience your father i believe has made great progress this year in freeing the estate thank you my dear i am not cold now and she gently was drew her hand marcella indeed had already noticed that there were now no weeds on the garden paths that instead of one gardener there were three that the old library had been decently patched and restored that there was another servant that william grown into a very tolerable footman wore a reputable coat and that a plain but adequate carriage and horse had met her at the station her pity even understood that part of her father's bitter resentment of his ever advancing disablement came from his feeling that here at last just as death was in sight he that squalid failure dick boyce was making a success of something presently as she knelt before the fire a question escaped her which when it was spoken she half regretted has papa been able to do anything for the cottages yet i don't think so said mrs boyce calmly after a minute's poor she added that will be for your reign my dear marcella looked up with a sharp thrill of pain papa is better mama and and i don't know what you mean i shall never reign here without you mrs boyce began to fidget with the rings on her thin left hand when mela ceases to be your father's it will be yours she said not without a certain sharp decision that was settled long ago i must be free and if you are to do anything with this place you must give your youth and strength to it and your father is not better except for the moment dr clark exactly foretold the course of his illness to me two years ago on my urgent request he may live four months six if we can get him to the south more is impossible there was something ghastly in her dry composure marcella caught her hand again and lent her trembling young cheek against it i could not live here without you mama mrs boyce could not for once repress the inner fever which in general her will controlled so well i hardly think it would matter to you so much my dear marcella shrank i don't wonder you say that she said in a low voice do you think it was all a mistake mama my going away 18 months ago a wrong act mrs boyce grew restless i judge nobody my dear unless i am obliged as you know i am for liberty above all she spoke with emphasis for letting the past alone but i imagine you must certainly have learned to do without us now i ought to go to your father but marcella held her do you remember in the purgatorio mama the lines about the loser in the game when the game of dice breaks up he who lost lingers sorrowfully behind going over the throws and learning by his grief do you remember mrs boyce looked down upon her involuntarily a little curious a little nervous but assenting it was one of the inconsistencies of her strange character that she had all her life been a persistent dante student the taste for the most strenuous and passionate of poets had developed in her happy youth it had survived through the loneliness of her middle life like everything else personal to herself she never spoke of it but the little worn books on her table had been familiar to marcella from a child a tristo in para repeated marcella her voice wavering mama she laid her face against her mother's dress again i have lost more throws than you think in the last two years won't you believe i may have learned a little she raised her eyes to her mother's pinched and mask like face mrs boyce's lips moved as though she would have asked a question but she did not ask it she drew instead the stealthy breath marcella knew well the breath of one who has measured precisely her own powers of endurance and will not risk them for a moment by any digression into alien fields of emotion well but one expects persons like you to learn she said with a light cold manner which made the words mere convention there was silence an instant then probably to release herself her hand just touched her daughter's hair now will you come up in half an hour that was 12 striking and emma is never quite punctual with his food marcella went to her father at the hour named she found him in his wheeled chair beside a window open to the sun and overlooking the cedar garden the room in which he sat was the state bedroom of the old house it had a marvellous paper of branching trees and parrots and red-robed chinamen in the taste of the morning room downstairs a carved forepost bed a great adorned with purplish dutch tiles an array of family miniatures over the mantelpiece and on a neighboring wall a rack of old swords and rapiers the needlework hangings of the bed were full of holes the seats of the chippendale chairs were frayed or tattered but nonetheless the inalienable character and dignity of his sleeping room were a bitter satisfaction to richard boyce even in his sickness after all said and done he was king here in his father's and grandfather's place ruling where they ruled and whether they would or know dying where they died with the same family faces to bear him witness from the walls and the same vault awaiting him when his daughter entered he turned his head and his eyes deepened black still as ever but sunk in a yellow relic of a face showed a certain agitation she was disagreeably aware that his thoughts were much occupied with her that he was full of grievance towards her and would probably before long bring the pathos of his situation as well as the weight of his dying authority to bear upon her for purposes she already suspected with alarm are you a little easier papa she said as she came up to him i should think as a nurse you ought to know better my dear than to ask he said testily when a person is in my condition inquiries of that sort are a mockery but one may be in less or more pain she said gently i hoped dr clark's treatment yesterday might have given you some relief he did not vouchsafe an answer she took some work and sat down by him mrs boyce who had been tidying a table of food and medicine came and asked him if he would be wheeled into another room across the gallery which had been arranged as a sitting room he shook his head irritably i'm not fit for it can't you see and i want to speak to marcella mrs boyce went away marcella waited not without a tremor she was sitting in the sun her head bent over the muslin string she was hemming for her nurse's bonnet the window was wide open outside the leaves under a warm breeze were gently drifting down into the cedar garden amid a tangled mass of flowers mostly yellow or purple to one side rose the dark layers of the cedars to the other the gray front of the library wing mr boyce looked at her with the frown which had now become habitual to him moved his lips once or twice without speaking and at last made his effort i should sink marcella you must often regret by now the step you took 18 months ago she grew pale how regret it papa she said without looking up why good god he said angrily i should think the reasons for regret are plain enough you threw over a man who was devoted to you and could have given you the finest position in the county for the most nonsensical reasons in the world reasons that by now i am certain you are ashamed of he saw her wince and enjoyed his prerogative of weakness in his normal health he would never have dared so to speak to her but of late during long fits of feverish brooding intensified by her return home he had vowed to himself to speak his mind aren't you ashamed of them he repeated as she was silent she looked up i am not ashamed of anything i did to save her if that is what you mean papa mr boyce's anger grew of course you know what everybody said she stooped over her work again and did not reply it's no good being sullen over it he said in exasperation i'm your father and i'm dying i have a right to question you it's my duty to see something settled if i can before i go is it true that all the time you were attacking rayburn about politics and the reprieve and whatnot you were really behaving as you never ought to have behaved with harry warton he gave out the words with sharp emphasis and bending towards her he laid an emaciated hand upon her arm what use is there papa in going back to these things she said driven to bay her color going and coming i may have been wrong in a hundred ways but you never understood that the real reason for it all was that that i never was in love with mr rayburn then why did you accept him he fell back against his pillars with a jerk as to that i will confess my sins readily enough she said while her lip trembled and he saw the tears spring into her eyes i accepted him for what you just now called his position in the county though not quite in that way either he was silent a little then he began again in a voice which gradually became unsteady from self pity well now look here i have been thinking about this matter a great deal and god knows i've time to think and cause to think considering the state i'm in and i see no reason whatever why i should not try before i die to put this thing straight that man was head over ears in love with you madly in love with you i used to watch him and i know of course you offended and distressed him greatly he could never have expected such conduct from you or anyone else but he's not the man to change round easily or to take up with anyone else now if you regret what you did or the way in which you did why shouldn't i a dying man may be allowed a little license i should think give him a hint papa cried marcella dropping her work and looking at him with a pale indignant passion which a year ago would have quelled him utterly but he held up his hand now just let me finish it would be no good my doing a thing of this kind without saying something to you first because you'd find it out and your pride would be the ruin of it you always had a demoniacal pride marcella even when you were a tiny child but if you make up your mind now to let me tell him you regret what you did just that you'll make him happy and yourself for you know very well he's a man of the highest character and your poor father who never did you much harm anyway his voice faulted i'd manage it so that there should be nothing humiliating to unit whatever as if there could be anything humiliating in confessing such a mistake as that besides what is there to be ashamed of you're no pauper i've pulled mella out of the mud for you though you and your mother do give me credit for so precious little he lay back trembling with fatigue yet still staring at her with glittering eyes while his hand on the invalid table fixed to the side of his chair shook piteously marcella dreaded the effect the whole scene might have upon him but now they were in the midst of it both feeling for herself and prudence for him drove her into the strongest speech she could devise papa if anything of that sort were done i should take care mr raban knew i had had nothing to do with it in such a way that it would be impossible for him to carry it further dear papa don't think of such a thing anymore because i treated mr raban unjustly last year are we now to harass and persecute him i would sooner disappear from everybody i know from you and mama from england and never be heard of again she stopped a moment struggling for composure that she might not excite him too much besides it would be absurd you forget i have seen a good deal of mr raban lately while i have been with the winter-borns he has entirely given up all thought of me even my vanity could see that plainly enough his best friends expect him to marry a bright fascinating little creature of whom i saw a good deal in james street and miss mcdonald miss how much he asked roughly she repeated the name and then dwelt with a certain amount of confusion and repetition upon the probabilities of the matter half conscious all the time that she was playing a part persuading herself and him of something she was not at all clear about in her own inner mind but miserably passionately determined to go through with it all the same he bore with what she said to him half disappointed and depressed yet also half incredulous he had always been obstinate and the approach of death had emphasized his few salient qualities as decay had emphasized his bodily frame he said to himself stubbornly that he would find some way yet of testing the matter in spite of her he would think it out meanwhile step by step she brought the conversation to less dangerous things and she was finally gliding into some chat about the winter-borns when he interrupted her abruptly and that other fellow warton your mother tells me you have seen him in london has he been making love to you suppose i won't be catechized she said gaily determined to allow no more tragedy of any kind besides papa you can't read your gossip as good people should mr warton's engagement to a certain lady selena farrell a distant cousin of the winter-borns was announced in several papers with great plainness three weeks ago at that moment her mother came in looking anxiously at them both and half resentfully at marcella marcella sore and bruised in every moral fiber got up to go something in the involuntary droop of her beautiful head as she left the room drew her father's eyes after her and for the time his feeling towards her softened curiously well she had not made very much of her life so far that old strange jealousy of her ability her beauty and her social place he had once felt so hotly died away he wished her indeed to be lady maxwell yet for the moment there was a certain balm in the idea that she too her mother's daughter with her merit blood could be unlucky marcella went about all day under a vague sense of impending trouble the result no doubt of that intolerable threat of her father's against which she was after all so defenseless but whatever it was it made her all the more nervous and sensitive about the hallens about her one true friend to whom she was slowly revealing herself even without speech whose spiritual strength had been guiding and training her whose physical weakness had drawn to him the maternal the spending instincts which her nursing life had so richly developed she strolled down the drive to meet the post but there were no letters from london and she came in inclined to be angry indeed with louis craven for deserting her but saying to herself at the same time that she must have heard if anything had gone wrong an hour or so later just as the october evening was closing in she was sitting dreaming over a dim wood fire in the drawing room her father as might have been expected had been very tired and comatose all day her mother was with him the london nurse was to sit up and marcella felt herself forlorn and superfluous suddenly in the silence of the house she heard the front door bell ring there was a step in the hall she sprang up the door opened and william with fluttered emphasis announced lord maxwell in the dusk she could just see his tall form the short pause as he perceived her then her hand was in his and the paralyzing astonishment of that first instant had disappeared under the grave emotion of his look will you excuse me he said for coming at this hour but i'm afraid you have heard nothing yet of our bad news and hallen himself was anxious i should come and tell you miss hallen could not write and mr craven i was to tell you had been ill for a week with a chill you haven't then seen any account of the lecture in the papers no i have looked yesterday and today in our paper but there was nothing some of the radical papers reported it i hoped you might have seen it but when we got down here this afternoon and there was nothing from you both miss hallen and edward felt sure you had not heard and i walked over it was a most painful distressing scene and he is very ill but you have brought him to the court she said trembling lost in the thought of hallen her quick breath coming and going he was able to bear the journey will you tell me will you sit down he thanked her hurriedly and took a seat opposite to her within the circle of the firelight so that she saw his deep mourning and the look of repressed suffering the whole thing was extraordinary i can hardly now describe it he said holding his hat in his hands and staring into the fire it began excellently there was a very full room benet was in the chair and edward seemed much as usual he had been looking desperately ill but he declared that he was sleeping better and that his sister and i coddled him then directly he was well started i felt somehow that the audience was very hostile and he evidently felt it more and more there was a good deal of interruption and hardly any cheers and i saw after a little i was sitting not far behind him that he was discouraged that he had lost touch it was presently clear indeed that the real interest of the meeting lay not in the least in what he had to say but in the debate that was to follow they meant to let him have his hour but not a minute more i watched the men about me and i could see them following the clock thirsting for their turn nothing that he said seemed to penetrate them in the smallest degree he was there merely as a nine pin to be knocked over i never saw a meeting so possessed with a madness of fanatical conviction it was amazing he paused looking sadly before him she made a little movement and he roused himself instantly it was just a few minutes before he was to sit down i was thankful when suddenly i heard his voice change i do not know now what happened but i believe he completely lost consciousness of the scene before him the sense of strain of exhaustion of making no way must have snapped something he began a sort of confession a reverie in public about himself his life his thoughts his prayers his hopes mostly his religious hopes for the working man for england i never heard anything of the kind from him before you know his reserve it was so intimate so painful oh so painful he drew himself together with an involuntary shutter before this crowd this eager hostile crowd which was only pining for him to sit down to get out of their way the men near me began to look at each other and titter they wondered what he meant by maundering on like that damned canting stuff i heard one man near me call it i tore off a bit of paper and passed a line to benet asking him to get hold of edward to stop it but i think benet had rather lost his presence of mind and i saw him look back at me and shake his head then time was up and they began to shout him down marcella made an exclamation of horror he turned to her i think it was the most tragic scene i ever saw he said with a feeling as simple as it was intense this crowd so angry and excited without a particle of understanding or sympathy laughing and shouting at him and he in the midst white as death talking this strange nonsense his voice floating in a high key quite unlike itself at last just as i was getting up to go to him i saw benet rise but we were both too late he fell at our feet marcella gave an involuntary sob what a horror she said what a martyrdom it was just that he answered in a low voice it was a martyrdom and when one thinks of the way in which for years past he has held these big meetings in the hollow of his hand and now because he crosses their passion their whim no kindness no patience nothing but a blind hostile fury yet they thought him a traitor no doubt oh it was all a tragedy there was a silence an instant then he resumed we got him into the back room luckily there was a doctor on the platform it was heart failure of course with brain prostration we managed to get him home and susie hallon and i sat up he was delirious all night but yesterday he rallied and last night he begged us to move him out of london if we could so we got two doctors and an invalid carriage and by three this afternoon we were all at the court my aunt was ready for him his sister is there and a nurse clark was there to meet him he thinks he cannot possibly live more than a few weeks possibly even a few days the shock and strain have been irreparable marcella lay back in her chair struggling with her grief her head and face turned away from him her eyes hidden by her handkerchief then in some mysterious way she was suddenly conscious that aldous was no longer thinking of hallon but of her he wants very much to see you he said bending towards her but i know that you have yourself serious illness to nurse forgive me for not having inquired after mr boys i trust he is better she sat up red eyed but mistress of herself the tone had all been gentleness but to her quivering sense some slight indefinable change coldness had passed into it he is better thank you for the present and my mother does not let me do very much we have a nurse too when shall i come he rose could you come tomorrow afternoon there is to be a consultation of doctors in the morning which will tire him about six that was what he said he is very weak but in the day quite conscious and rational my aunt begged me to say how glad she would be he paused an invincible awkwardness to possession of both of them she longed to speak to him of his grandfather but could not find the courage when he was gone she standing alone in the firelight gave one passionate thought to the fact that so in this tragic way they had met again in this room where he had spoken to her his last words as a lover and then steadily she put everything out of her mind but her friend and death end of book four chapter one book four chapter two of Marcella this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Paul Stevens Marcella by mrs Humphrey Ward book four chapter two mrs Boyce received Marcella's news with more sympathy than her daughter had dared to hope for and she made no remark upon oldest himself and his visit for which Marcella was grateful to her as they left the dining room after their short evening meal to go up to mr Boyce Marcella detained her mother an instant mama will you please not tell papa that that lord Maxwell came here this afternoon and will you explain to him why i am going there tomorrow mrs Boyce's fair cheek flushed Marcella saw that she understood if i were you i should not let your father talk to you any more about those things she said with a certain proud impatience if i can help it exclaimed Marcella will you tell him mama about mr Hallinn and how good he has been to me then her voice failed her and hurriedly leaving her mother at the top of the stairs she went away by herself to struggle with a grief and smart almost unbearable that night passed quietly at the court Hallinn was at intervals slightly delirious but less so than the night before and in the early morning the young doctor who had sat up with him reported him to oldest as calmer and a little stronger but the heart mischief was hopeless and might bring the bruised life to an end at any moment he could not however be kept in bed owing to restlessness and difficulty of breathing and by midday he was in oldest's sitting room drawn close to the window that he might delight his eyes with the wide range of wood and plain that it commanded after a very wet September the October days were now following each other in a settled and sunny peace the great woods of the children's just yellowing towards that full golden moment short like all perfection which only beaches know rolled down the hill slopes to the plain their curving lines cut here and there by straight fir stems drawn clear and dark on the pale background of sky and lowland in the park immediately below the window groups of wild cherry and of a slender leaved maple made spots of flame and amethyst on the smooth falling lawns the deer wandered and fed and the squirrels were playing and feasting among the beach nuts since oldest and his poor sister had brought him home from the Bethnal Green Hall in which the land reform conference had been held halin had spoken little except in delirium and that little had been marked by deep and painful depression but this morning when oldest was summoned by the nurse and found him propped up by the window in front of the great view he saw gracious signs of change death indeed already in possession looked from the blue eyes so plainly that oldest on his first entrance had need of all his own strength of will to keep his composure but with the certainty of that great release and with the abandonment of all physical and mental struggle the struggle of a lifetime halin seemed today to have recovered something of his characteristic serenity and blitheness the temper which had made him the leader of his oxford contemporaries and the dear comrade of his friend's life when oldest came in halin smiled and lifted a feeble hand towards the park and the woods could it have greeted me more kindly he said in his whispering voice for the end oldest sat down beside him pressing his hand and there was silence till halin spoke again you will keep this sitting room oldest always i am glad i have known you in it so long what good talks we have had here in the old hot days i was hot at least and you bore with me land reform church reform wages reform we have threshed them all out in this room do you remember that night i kept you up till it was too late to go to bed talking over my church plans how full i was of it the church that was to be the people reflecting their life their differences governed by them growing with them you wouldn't join it oldest our poor little association oldest's strong lip quivered let me think of something i did join in he said halin's looks shone on him with a wonderful affection was there anything else you didn't help in i don't remember it i've dragged you into most things you never minded failure and i have not had so much of it not till this last this has been failure absolute and complete but there was no darkening of expression he sat quietly smiling do you suppose anybody who could look beyond the moment would dream of calling it failure said oldest with difficulty halin shook his head gently and was silent for a little time gathering strength and breath again i ought to suffer he said presently last week i dreaded my own feeling if i should fail or break down more than the failure itself but since yesterday last night i have no more regrets i see that my power is gone that if i were to live i could no longer carry on the battle or my old life i am out of touch those whom i love and would serve put me aside those who invite me i do not care to join so i drop into the gulf and the pageant rushes on but the curious thing is now i have no suffering and as to the future do you remember jowat in the introduction to the fido he feebly pointed to a book beside him which oldest took up halin guided him and he read most persons when the last hour comes are resigned to the order of nature and the will of god they are not thinking of dante's inferno or paradiso or of the pilgrim's progress heaven and hell are not realities to them but words or ideas the outward symbols of some great mystery they hardly know what it is so with me said halin smiling as at his gesture oldest laid the book aside yet not quite to my mind that mystery indeed is all unknown and dark but to the heart it seems unveiled with the heart i see a little later oldest was startled to hear him say very clearly and quickly do you remember that this is the fifth of october oldest drew his chair closer that he might not raise his voice yes ned two years wasn't it today will you forgive me if i speak of her you shall say anything you will did you notice that piece of news i sent you in my last letter to janiva but of course you did did it please you yes i was glad of it said oldest after a pause extremely glad i thought she had escaped a great danger halin studied his face closely she is free oldest and she is a noble creature she has learned from life and from death this last two years and you still love her is it right to make no more effort oldest saw the perspiration standing on the wasted brow would have given the world to be able to content or cheer him yet would not for the world at such a moment be false to his own feeling or deceive his questioner i think it is right he said deliberately for a good many reasons edward in the first place i have not the smallest cause not the fraction of a cause to suppose that i could occupy with her now any other ground that i occupied two years ago she has been kind and friendly to me on the whole since we met in london she has even expressed regret for last year meaning of course as i understood for the pain and trouble that may be said to have come from her not knowing her own mind she wished that we should be friends and he turned his head away no doubt i could be in time but you see in all that there is nothing whatever to bring me forward again my fatal mistake last year i think now laying my accepting what she gave me accepting it so readily so graspingly even that was my fault my blindness and it was as unjust to her as it was hopeless for myself for hers is a nature his eyes came back to his friend his voice took a new force and energy which in love at any rate will give all or nothing and will never be happy itself or bring happiness till it gives all that is what last year taught me so that even if she out of kindness or remorse for giving pain were willing to renew the old tie i should be her worst enemy and my own if i took a single step towards it marriage on such terms as i was thankful for last year would be humiliation to me and bring no gain to her it will never serve a man with her his voice broke into emotion that he should make no claims let him claim the uttermost far thing her whole self if she gives it then he may know what love means halin had listened intently at oldest's last words his expression showed pain and perplexity his mind was full of vague impressions memories which seem to argue with and dispute one of the chief things oldest had been saying but they were not definite enough to be put forward his sensitive chivalrous sense even in this extreme weakness remembered the tragic weight that attaches inevitably to dying words let him not do more harm than good he rested a little they brought him food and oldest sat beside him making pretence to read so that he might be encouraged to rest his sister came and went so did the doctor but when they were once more alone halin put out his hand and touched his companion what is it dear ned only one thing more before we leave it is that all that stands between you now the whole you spoke to me once in the summer of feeling angry more angry than you could have believed of course i felt the same but just now you spoke of its all being your fault is there anything changed in your mind oldest hesitated it was extraordinarily painful to him to speak of the past and it troubled him that at such a moment it should trouble halin there is nothing changed ned except that perhaps time makes some difference always i don't want now he tried to smile as i did then to make anybody else suffer for my suffering but perhaps i marvel even more than i did at first that that she could have allowed some things to happen as she did the tone was firm and vibrating and in speaking the whole face had developed a strong animation most passionate and human halin sighed i often think he said that she was extraordinarily immature much more immature than most girls of that age as to feeling it was really the brain that was alive oldest silently assented so much so that halin repented himself but not now he said in his eager dying whisper not now the plant is growing full and tall into the richest life oldest took the wasted hand tenderly in his own there was something inexpressibly touching in this last wrestle of halin's affection with another's grief but it filled oldest with a kind of remorse and with the longing to free him from that as from every other burden in these last precious hours of life and at last he succeeded as he thought in drawing his mind away from it they passed to other things halin indeed talked very little more during the day he was very restless and weak but not in much positive suffering oldest read to him at intervals from isire or playto the bright sleepless eyes following every word at last the light began to sink the sunset flooded in from the barcha uplands and the far oxford plain and laying gold and purple on the falling woods and the green stretches of the park the distant edges of hill were extraordinarily luminous and clear and oldest looking into the west with the eye of one to whom every spot and line were familiar landmarks could almost fancy he saw beyond the invisible river the hill the lovely tree against the western sky which keep forever the memory of one with whose destiny it had often seemed to him that halin's had something in common to him as to theisys the same early joy the same happy quest the same fugitive and gracious light for guide and beacon that does not come with houses or with gold with place with honor and a flattering crew and to him too the same task to pipe and tired throat the same struggle with the life of men unblessed the same impatient trist with death the lovely lines ran dirge like in his head as he sat sunk in grief beside his friend halin did not speak but his eye took note of every change of light of every darkening tone as the quiet english scene with its villages churches and woods withdrew itself plane by plane into the evening haze his soul followed the quiet deer the homing birds loosening itself gently the while from pain and from desire saying farewell to country to the poor to the work left undone and the hopes unrealized to everything except to love it had just struck six when he bent forward to the window beneath which ran the wide front terrace that was her step he said while his face lit up will you bring her here marcella rang the bell at the court with a fast beating heart the old butler who came gave what her shrinking sense thought a forbidding answer to her shy greeting of him and led her first into the drawing room a small figure in deep black rose from a distant chair and came forward stiffly marcella found herself shaking hands with miss rayburn will you sit and rest a little before you go upstairs said that lady with careful politeness or shall I send word at once he is hardly worse but as ill as he can be i am not the least tired said marcella and miss rayburn rang tell his lordship please that miss boys is here the title jarred and hurt marcella's ear but she had scarcely time to catch it before oldest entered a little bent as it seemed to her from his taller reckness and speaking with an extreme quietness even monotony of manner he is waiting for you will you come at once he led her up the central staircase and along the familiar passages walking silently a little in front of her they passed the long line of caroline and jacobian portraits in the upper gallery till just outside his own door oldest paused he ought not to talk long he said hesitating but you will know of course better than any of us I will watch him she said almost inaudibly and he gently opened the door and let her pass shutting it behind her the nurse who was sitting beside her patient got up as Marcella entered and pointed her to a low chair on his further side Susie Hallyn rose too and kissed the newcomer hurriedly absently without a word lest she should sob then she and the nurse disappeared through an inner door the evening light was still freely admitted and there were some candles by the help of both she could only see him indistinctly but in her own mind as she sat down she determined that he had not even days to live yet as she bent over him she saw a playful gleam on the cavernous face you won't scold me said the changed voice you did warn me you and Susie but I was obstinate it was best so she pressed her lips to his hand and was answered by a faint pressure from the cold fingers if I could have been there she murmured no I am thankful you are not and I must not think of it or of any trouble oldest is very bitter but he will take comfort by and by he will see it and them more justly they meant me no unkindness they were full of an idea as I was when I came back to myself first all was despair I was in a blank horror of myself and life now it has gone I don't know how it is not of my own will some hand has lifted a weight I seem to float without pain he closed his eyes gathering strength again in the interval by a strong effort of will calling up in the dimming brain what he had to say she meanwhile spoke to him in a low voice mainly to prevent his talking telling him of her father of her mother's strain of nursing of herself she hardly knew what how grotesque to be giving him these little bits of news about strangers to him this hovering consecrated soul on the brink of the great secret in the intervals while he was still silent she could not sometimes prevent the pulse of her own life from stirring her eye wandered round the room oldest's familiar room there on the writing table with its load of letters and books stood the photograph of halin another her own used to stand beside it it was solitary now otherwise all was just as it had been flowers books newspapers the signs of familiar occupation the hundred small details of character and personality which in estrangement take to themselves such a smarting significance for the sad and craving heart the date the anniversary echoed in her mind then with a rush of remorseful pain her thoughts came back to the present and to halin at the same moment she saw that his eyes were open and fixed upon her with a certain anxiety and expectancy he made a movement as though to draw her towards him and she stooped to him i feel he said as though my strengths were leaving me fast let me ask you one question because of my love for you and him i have fancied of late things were changed can you tell me will you or is it unfair the words had all their bright natural intonation is your heart still where it was or could you ever undo the past he held her fast grasping the hand she had given him with unconscious force she had looked up startled her lip trembling like a child's then she dropped her head against the arm of her chair as though she could not speak he moved restlessly and sighed i should not he said to himself i should not it was wrong the dying a tyrannous he even began a word of sweet apology but she shook her head don't she said struggling with herself don't say that it would do me good to speak to you an exquisite smile dawned on halyn's face then he said confess a few minutes later they were still sitting together she strongly wished to go but he would not yet allow it his face was full of a mystical joy a living faith which must somehow communicate itself in one last sacramental effort how strange that you and i and he should have been so mixed together in this queer life now i seem to regret nothing i hope everything one more little testimony let me bear the last we disappear one by one into the dark but each may throw his comrades a token before he goes you have been in much trouble of mind and spirit i have seen it take my poor witness there is one clue one only goodness the surrendered will everything is there all faith all religion all hope for rich or poor whether we feel our way through consciously to the will that asks our will matters little old us and i have differed much on this in words never at heart i could use words symbols he cannot and they have given me peace but half my best life i owe to him at this he made a long pause but still through that weak grasp refusing to let her go till all was said day was almost gone the stars had come out over the purple dusk of the park that will we reach through duty and pain he whispered at last so faintly she could hardly hear him is the root the source it leads us in living it carries us in death but our weakness and vagueness want help want the human life and voice to lean on to drink from we christians are orphans without christ there again what does it matter what we think about him if only we think of him in one such life are all mysteries and all knowledge and our fathers have chosen for us the insistent voice sank lower and lower into final silence though the lips still moved the eyelids too fell mishalin and the nurse came in marcella rose and stood for one passionate instant looking down upon him then with the pressure of the hand to the sister beside her she stole out her one prayer was that she might see and meet no one so soft was her step that even the watching oldest did not hear her she lifted the heavy latch of the outer door without the smallest noise and found herself alone in the starlight after marcella left him halyn remained for some hours in what seemed to those about him a feverish trance he did not sleep but he showed no sign of responsive consciousness in reality his mind all through was full of the most vivid though incoherent images and sensations but he could no longer distinguish between them and the figures and movements of the real people in his room each passed into and intermingled with the other in some vague eager way he seemed all the time to be waiting or seeking for oldest there was the haunting impression of some word to say some final thing to do which would not let him rest but something seemed always to imprison him to hold him back and the veil between him and the real oldest watching beside him grew ever denser at night they made no effort to move him from the couch and the half sitting posture in which he had passed the day death had come too near his sister and oldest and the young doctor who had brought him from london watched with him the curtains were drawn back from both the windows and in the clearness of the first autumnal frost a crescent moon hung above the woods the silvery lawns the plane not long after midnight hallen seemed to himself to wake full of purpose and of strength he spoke as he thought to oldest asking to be alone with him but oldest did not move that sad watching gaze of his showed no change then hallen suffered a sudden sharp spasm of anguish and of struggle three words to say only three words but those he must say he tried again but oldest's dumb grief still sat motionless then the thought leapt in the ebbing sense speech is gone i shall speak no more it brought with it a stab a quick revolt but something checked both and in a final offering of the soul hallen gave up his last desire what oldest saw was only that the dying man opened his hand as though it asked for that of his friend he placed his own within those seeking fingers and hallen's latest movement which death stopped halfway was to raise it to his lips so marcella's confession made in the abandonment the blind passionate trust of a supreme moment borno fruit it went with hallen to the grave end of book four chapter two