 So today we're going to talk about if he regrets losing you and what happens when he regrets losing you Now quickly we have to establish that in the early stages of dating Actually most humans date from a very selfish point of view. It's based on what can I get versus? What can I give and what's often missing in the early stages of dating is? Appreciation that's right appreciation for efforts appreciation for kindness appreciation for Generosity and that's not to say that we don't thank someone for maybe treating for a date But more importantly appreciating them for who they are and when an emotionally unhealthy man experiences regret It's because he's reflecting upon what you did for him in the relationship particularly if you expressed Absolute appreciation for him if he felt good about how you treated him Especially because you appreciated him. He might feel regret when he bails He might feel regret when he bails. Now. Here's the thing if he didn't appreciate you Who gives a crap if he regrets losing you? You know if the title appealed to you on this video most likely you have an unhealthy attachment or you had an unhealthy attachment with a man who didn't appreciate you and I think it's critically important I want to I can't stress this enough if this title really appealed to you as If you want him to regret losing you then you must look inward and saying what is it about this dynamic? That I need him to regret losing me Because you have to really ask yourself was there enough appreciation in the relationship Now most likely what he's regretting if anything and this happens when relationship ends we we Value what was good about the relationship where you were in Synchronicity with one another in a relationship and yet most likely there was something missing and we're gonna talk about this This is a critically important factor for Relationships success especially for those of us in midlife. This is so critically important So stick around I'll be sharing this in a few moments now remember. I said in the early part of this broadcast. I said Most people operate in the dating realm of what can I get versus what can I give now? I want to establish for critically important factors for critically important qualities of a relationship that makes for relationship success and in this you're going to Appreciate this because the first thing That's critically important in in any dynamic in any human pair bonding is attention for one another giving each other attention and What attention really means is being present to this person not being thinking about the future not thinking about the past Not being stuck on past relationship not focusing on what's going on in work You know oftentimes I see how women are most attracted to the alpha male that's successful male But I'm going to tell you something typically those men are so So focused on their purpose. Okay, we can talk about their purpose their purpose their purpose is to make money Their purposes to change lives. They're so critically focused on that that oftentimes they don't even Create the space to give you attention from a truly present space Or they give you a part of them that's fully present But not all of them who's fully present So attention is critically important and this is true for you ladies towards men as well I see a lot of women who are you know, what do they call it the boss bitch? You know that you're so hyper focused on making a difference in the world You don't actually value the most important thing in your life is most likely your partner attention number two affection Affection isn't just in words. It's also in touch. You know, I think that what I'm about to share these four A's that I learned are really a daily vitamin for relationship success And it's so critically important to physically touch your partner in a gentle loving kind way along with physical intimacy I want you to I'm not discounting the importance of physical intimacy, but just that simple touch. I Remember once I went on a date with a woman first date and we were having drinks at the bar And we're sitting literally really close to one another We were you know facing each other and I just found that she was lightly touching my arm at one point And I really and and you look at some people might say that that was too forward We had already known each other from Facebook for quite a few months So it wasn't some total stranger and I found that affection that she gave me quite intoxicating See when we're giving from these places an emotionally healthy man Will most likely not bail on you. It's those men who can't receive your attention your affections and The third one is appreciation. I can't begin to stress the importance of a daily Reminder to the person you're with how much you appreciate them how grateful you are to be with them and to express those words Now some of you might be saying well Jonathan I've done all those things and he still bailed on me That's because the man couldn't appreciate you or more importantly. He couldn't receive Your attention your affection your appreciation and ultimately the last a in this dynamic there's acceptance see the challenge we have in Relationships is we might like parts of a person But not all of the person it might be a physical attribute with them It might be a dynamic within their personal life. It might be a dynamic in their light Their values it might be a dynamic within their capacity to regulate their emotions. Whatever it is See where I think a lot of friction that happens in relationship Is a lack of true acceptance and true acceptance is the highest form of Unconditional love you see most of us experience relationship with the level of conditional love now listen, let me be clear It's rare That we're gonna meet someone so perfectly aligned that it's just going to be synchronized It's just gonna be like fit like a glove that is so rare There are going to be some radical there are going to be some differences that you're going to experience with a person but ultimately True love is that space of accepting? That person for who they are and learning to appreciate the things you don't like You know I share this story frequently. I was in a relationship with a woman who I'll be candid with you Drove me nuts. She would want to yell anytime. We were gonna go to a restaurant She want to yelp and read the reviews and she would habitually read the one-star reviews now I understand her and you know, I understand why she did that But it bugged me because there was no restaurant that she could go to because they all had one-star reviews And I'm saying this a little tongue-in-cheek Ultimately when our relationship ended I found myself yelping reviews What actually bothered me in the beginning was something I learned to appreciate or more importantly accept a Part of who she was we have I think true love is accepting a person even When they might drive you crazy now. I'm not here to suggest you should accept You know that if you have to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman I am not here to suggest you have to accept that kind of behavior So as I was preparing for this video I began thinking What was one of the downfalls for my most previous relationship and this is gonna relate to regret in a moment Um and and when I say downfall I I'm simply mean to say where there wasn't Alignment okay, where there was there was wasn't alignment alignment feels like this when there's a misalignment is like this and I want to dive into this conversation because it's critically important to understand this for those of us in midlife, okay? See this doesn't apply to that 20 and 30 year old demographic because most people in their 20s and 30s See they're choosing to mate with someone to make babies and raise a family They choose to mate with so their critical importance of the relationship is centered around parenting rate making babies raising children and and so it's no longer about the the two people It's about a group of people. They're taking care of their tribe if you will see for those of us in midlife And this is where a lot of my contemporary dating coaches don't get this the ones that got married and have children They're not in the dynamic that we are in see for those of us in midlife who most likely have gone through a divorce Some of you are widowers or widows. Excuse me or widowers if you're a man watching this Or some of you never been married the challenge for those of us in midlife is most of us Come to the table with a fully curated life, okay, and we have our certain passions within our lives we have our passions within our lives and What I've observed is a misalignment in shared passions a misalignment and shared passions So as I reflected upon my relationship that ended some six months ago at the time of this broadcast She had a shared passion for travel where she wanted to travel on average of two weeks a month because she was retired and While I certainly I like to travel. I'm not in the same space as her but more importantly I'm terrible at traveling I am a real pain in the ass to travel with and she sadly witnessed that I Have a lot of anxiety when I'm in a place that I don't feel comfortable with and and I did work on Surrendering to her trusting her to navigate all of this but for her She couldn't accept that that space within me or she had difficulty. Let me just say that and Comet commensurately where my greatest passion lies is in spiritual journeys doing psychedelic journeys doing exploring consciousness and exploring the deeper meaning of life therapy in the Relationships those sort of thing and that was something that she while she attempted to do and while I attempt to do travel We were misaligned Quite frankly on our shared passions and I at first I thought we were a little bit aligned I thought we were a little bit aligned, but we really weren't So as I reflected upon this I thought about my mother and father who had been married for 66 years before my mother passed away Surprisingly my father is 98 and a half years old and he's still kicking by the time of this broadcast okay So they so what's interesting about their dynamic is they didn't have shared passion My mother was my mother was a professional gambler. I mean she was a brilliant card player She loved playing cards, okay And my mother used to travel used to go to Vegas all the time with my sister or The other card places all the time without my father and my mother loved to travel too My dad was kind of indifferent about traveling I think one of the reasons why I was most attracted to my last relationship is she reminded my mother regarding the travel Bear with me you wait for this because I'm gonna share with you What this is all about? Okay, so my father was into He started the Turkish Israeli society in Los Angeles. My father did the Coast Guard They had separate shared passions Okay, so now you're saying well Jonathan that's in contradiction of what you just said you see the difference is is They had a family that was their shared passion Being grandparents being parents to us children, you know and they had forged all of the tough stuff in the early stages Their relationship you see for those of us midlife a shared passion is so critically important to relationship success I mean when I say shared passion is like when you love something and they mutually love something See when you mutually love something together it makes it much more difficult to end a relationship Because you have a solid bond with one another and this is why dating requires a true understanding of self Who you are but more importantly, what's your greatest passion in your life? See I witness women who make poor choices all the time. You have a broken man picker By the way, there's a link below the schedule a discovery call with me of safe work working with a coach is right for you But I can't begin to stress it like so let me tell you about a woman. I connected with on a Dating app some years ago. She lived one mile away Absolutely gorgeous. I swiped right. She swiped right, but when I looked at her picture She's jumping out of an airplane. She's repelling off of a mountain She's snowboarding She's skiing. She's horseback riding and I'm like and I said to her I said look I'm attracted to you, but you seem like a very athletic person And I'm like that's not me I'm gonna assume you want a jock type of guy and she said yes And I'm like right then and there because I knew myself. I knew that her passions were misaligned with my passions Not that she couldn't appreciate not that we can't appreciate someone's passions But most importantly if you don't share it Especially for those of us in midlife It makes it difficult to create the strong bond to be with one another is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is please hit that like button Please make a comment in the the chat box or in the comment section of this video you see regret Comes from a lack of appreciation and when we bond with someone in our core Values our lifestyles are blendable with one another and there's emotional maturity and then couple that with with chemistry If you're an emotionally healthy person You've got the makings for a very successful relationship and when you learn to express appreciation Particularly in your area of shared passion. I remember once meeting a woman on a dating app I think it was millionaire match and I could tell she was a jock type and We developed a friendship we we friended each other on Facebook and we just by the way She lived far away, so we didn't meet but we developed a little bit of a friendship and I coached her a little bit and she met Got her name was sin Cindy and got what was his name? I think it was Jake and she was an absolute physical fitness buff I mean she was a stud okay, and I mean stud I mean not like Arnold Schwarzenegger But she had just her she really was in the physical fitness and the partner She's with is equally in the physical fitness. I mean absolute mirror of her They have this shared passion and When you have a shared passion Relationship might end and you might regret that you've lost that that might happen. Okay, but what's most what usually happens is There's a lack of appreciation for the other person in the totality a lack of appreciation in the person in the totality that causes that relationship to mice So once again, let me reiterate. He'll regret losing you when this happens. Who gives a crap if a man Can't accept your appreciation of him He's not worthy of you because you have to really ask yourself was he Appreciating you at the level you were appreciating him. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you liked what I shared today. Please hit that like button Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and go to the show notes Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Check out my book called midlife love mastery a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Follow me on Instagram. Get my dating vows all in the link below Alright for our live videos. It's time for Q&A If you have a question Write the word question in the chat box then post the question thereafter. It makes it easy for me to find Or you can purchase a super stick or super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute We give scholarships to private coaching as well and if you want to join the hot seat I put a link there as well Okay So Billy Holt is in the house Jonathan, what are the statistics on actually finding the one on dating apps? You know listen, I'm gonna I'm not gonna blow smoke up your ass I think finding the one is like Especially on dating apps is like a broken clock is right twice a day It happens for a lot of people now by the way a lot of hookups happen a lot of short-lived Relationships happen a lot of casual Relationships happen Okay, so they do happen. Okay, it's not like people aren't connecting through dating apps but really finding that Synchron in it synchronicidus life partner synchronicidus. Is that a word? is Is actually a rarity See, here's the thing folks My check by the way people say if you're a dating a relationship coach, why are you you know why? Why are you negative? Some people have said to me. I'm like, I'm not negative I just I'm observing the reality of what I I observe Okay, and I'm here to say as well. There are a lot of good human beings out there Most people are good human beings. I'm here to also say as most humans are rather emotionally fucked up I mean we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality Very few people have done the emotional Healing work and very few people have good relationship skills to just be in relationship And then when you're in midlife, you know, most people in midlife they date with 20 or 30 year old eyes They're like they're they're out of shape. They're unattractive They've let themselves go but they still want Brad Pitt or they still want Scarlett Johansson For me, it would have been Grace Kelly or Linda Carter back in the day So we oftentimes date with those eyes and here's the thing for those humans who have truly done the inner work and You connect with another soul who has done the inner work. Believe it or not. You find that human being incredibly attractive See all of the egoic part goes out the window when you've done the work and you've connected with someone Who's truly done the work who is your watermark? That's those are the soul connective Relationships and you oftentimes find that person to be incredibly beautiful or handsome when you've done the work Okay, so I hope I answered your question, but Let me go back to your question. What was it again? But the statistics there are no statistics, I mean it's bullshit any because you know what? There's no way to really quantify it because because there are situations ships casual relationships serious relationships marriages and even marriages fail at a 50 percent or at a 65 to 75 percent rate So I don't think it can be quantified One of our Facebook group members if you want to have direct access to me on a regular basis Check out the link below to my group called midlife love mastery But here's one of our Facebook group members A guy told me he liked vertical hiking aka cliff Climbing I asked him if he would be expecting me to join him on this or if it would I could be home making romantic dinner after I got very clear with men that they were looking for an athlete They need not keep looking. Okay interestingly enough Like golf might be a passion for someone. Okay, and it's not like you can't but I'm really talking like it Doesn't mean you can't have separate passions. Okay, but it's critically important to find those shared passions And I know many couples that they like for example golf. They do it together You know, you don't have to be good at it to do it. I Recently shared a story where I met a woman and I shared with her that Psychedelic spiritual journeys is something I do on a regular basis. It's it's part of my therapy if you will and She wasn't interested in that and she'd be missing out on a shared passion with me. So anyways, that's I hope I answered your question there Look at we've got a guy in the house Seth Good, I'm not echoing Emma. No, you're fine Look at the camera. Don't look at me. Okay. Okay. Very good. Yes. I got it. Okay. Are you Jonathan? You know who I am, right? Oh, I've seen you on some of my videos, but I don't know you as a boy friend Really quickly for everybody watching this One of the women in my private group called midlife love mastery has met a man who lives in a nut She lives in Zumba way Seth lives and I believe South Carolina. They connected through a dating app I don't believe the two of you have met yet. Is that right? No, we have I actually flew to Zimbabwe 10,000 miles and spent a little over a week with her. Yep. Okay. It was fantastic Fantastic week and okay coming to the states. We're trying to get that put together. So, okay So you're literally you remind this reminds me of the TV show 90-day fiance Which is people from other countries so But by the way, is she an American or she is in Bob? She's born and raised in Bulaway. Oh Zimbabwe. Yes. Okay. Okay, even though she's a white chick Okay, so are you willing to be are you willing to allow me to be her heart protector a big brother for a moment Grill you right now. They don't call it the hot seat for nothing, right? Okay So as you know, I'm a heart protector for women, right in the sense that I'm their big brother I have a shotgun pointed at you right now. If I literally could be I'd be what's your intentions? Yeah It obviously the two of you have hit it off You've spent you tell me you've spent a significant amount of time in face time Communicating with one another. Is that right? That is correct. Yeah, can you expand upon that for a little bit? So we talk every day during since there's a seven hour time difference So unfortunately, we can't just talk whenever I talk during my lunch break during the weekdays And on the weekends we can talk we've talked anywhere Most weekends we talk at least three hours and honestly we had one weekend where we talked 12 hours over the course of the weekend But so we talk a lot and I think people don't Appreciate that enough, you know, I know I don't believe that at all counts as what did you call it long-distance? bookups or whatever well, I yeah, well Let me just interject here for a moment. What happens often times is That through this cyber connection. I'm using the term cyber internet connection We experience as human beings we experience what's known as artificial intimacy artificial intimacy What that means you I suspect the two of you feel a strong connection for one another Yep, and yet it hasn't been built through the traditional building blocks of Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together It hasn't built through variety of different circumstances Okay, yeah, and and what also typically happens in long-distance dynamics is what I call a bubble Experience, you know, you're together Especially when you first meet if there's sexual tension, you know, because two people have been communicating They jump in the bed together quickly and I'm gonna ask you that question In a moment. Yes, but what happens is it's a bubble most often. It's not true reality. So So, I mean you don't have to answer this question when you flew out to Zimbabwe did you guys have sex? We did I made a joke with with Deb. I said a man doesn't kiss and tell unless he's on Jonathan's show and then he Yes, we did that was quite Let me ask you something because I also believe sex is part of our decision-making process In other words, like look at let's face it if the sex sucks and it can suck for either party Yeah, I mean, you're like, you know lucky you're all the guys. Yeah, okay So She's coming out to South Carolina. When is she coming? She's coming April 20th. So she'll be here April 20th to June 15 Okay, so all pending on her visa, which we're gonna stay confident. That's gonna work out Yeah, now really quickly. So we're in January here. So that's February March. It's roughly three months away Yeah, two and a half months Can't she just travel just like a tourist? Can't she just come over here like any other it's taking that long to get a tourist V just a tourist visa Work she was gonna come in to March But then we got the visa thing going and she couldn't get a appointment with the The consulate until April 9th Okay, which is one. Yeah. All right. So let's get into the nitty gritty. Why do you like this? Check I she's incredible. Okay. So first of all, I love that you're asking and I do think of course the default I think she's beautiful. I think she's sexy But the thing is I love her heart. I think I just I love she's a beautiful person in and out So she's kind she's thoughtful. She's good. She's generous Um, she kind of blows. Oh, she has a she has a high capacity for forgiveness. She's had a lot of wrongs in her life Okay, but she I've just stunned sometimes about how she still has connections with people that have wronged her in her life But she doesn't just she doesn't just go on and on about horrible. They are she's you know So I just really her character. I know that's something you said that I love when you say Character character, you know real estate is location location location and relationships is character character Yeah, and I want to be that person that has integrity and character and she has that so, okay, so I'm gonna jump in. Okay, so How tall is Deb? So she is five four Okay, and how tall are you? By the way, no judgment here, okay You know, I'm gonna suspect that you've been rejected by a lot of women because of your height correct Yeah, okay, and you know and not that you're George Clooney answer, but you're not an unattractive guy You're not George Clooney, you're not red So if if Deb we're here And by the way, she was on a previous broadcast, which I heard a clip for it What would she say about your her physical attractiveness towards you She says I'm handsome and you know, it's funny I listened to that first show and you know where she and she said he's not the tall dark handsome Which I thought was funny and he has a little extra. I thought that was hilarious that I can laugh at myself I think that's important But but you know, she said the pictures weren't flattering and when I got to Zimbabwe and it's true I'm not what's the term when someone looked good in pictures? Catfish. Yeah. Well, the point is she when I got there She said you're a lot more handsome in person than on the pictures. So I was like, okay, that's a win I'm gonna take you know Because there's either you either get you're more attractive in your pictures or god, you look, you know, you don't look as good as your pictures Seth I've been on both ends of this, you know, I've been on both ends of either a they weren't attracted to me or I wasn't attracted to them Certainly I'm a big proponent as I'm speaking to the entire audience here I am a huge proponent for every human being if you're going to put yourself on a dating site is to curate a quality representation of yourself including quality photographs Quality photographs. Yeah. Okay. Most people have crappy photographs They're not very well done and then a really quality essay Because that can weed out people where there's that misalignment So so obviously dude the fact that you came on here today tells me, you know, and she's indoctrinated you into the Jonathan Asley You obviously must be smitten by her. You just rattled off a tremendous amount of qualities that you appreciate her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Here's my advice. Okay. That's okay. Absolutely. That's why I'm here You know when if and when dev moves to United States, okay, or you guys spend a significant amount of time together It's important to do a variety of different things together. Yeah to learn about each other number one. Yes You know recognizing but the challenge oftentimes is when somebody moves across The country or to another country is they find themselves that they don't have their own life Yeah, you have your life in South Carolina and she most likely so it's incumbent upon her I can't begin to stress this enough to develop some sort of life outside of you because then it puts so much pressure on the relationship Yes, and by the way in 90-day fiance the other way a woman went from Like the Midwest to South Africa. Yeah, and in South Africa where this guy lived I mean there's bars on the door because there's not a level of safety there He feels safe, but she not only didn't feel safe. She didn't have a life for herself This is the most important thing to have serious dialogue on if this is going to progress any further Is this helping at all? Yeah, it does actually can I make a comment too? And the way I would describe that is the power of dynamic, you know I told her early and often I said I'm a feminist and I think it's an And I don't want to get into all the weeds of that I'm the kind of I'm not a crazy feminist, but part of me is going like I wonder if women would just say I'm looking for a man. It's a feminist to have their problems and go away, but But power dynamics it really mean a lot to me and the power dynamic is so potentially awful She comes here. She's giving up her now She's just coming for a visit for a while. Yeah long-term. She'd be here and she's giving up so much. She can't work I'm supporting her and I think a lot of men could turn that power Dynamic into something awful and so I you mentioned her, but it's also important to me very good I actually support her when she's feeling lonely and she's missing her home and very Make her feel important and all that and so we talked a lot about that that is on me to do that So I just wanted to point that out by the way just for everyone watching I am a feminist as well and what that means to me is people Individuals whether you have a penis or vagina you be treated, you know fairly with one another That's what that means, you know, yeah, and particularly in relationship. What that means to me is I don't then again I'm speaking only for myself yourself is I don't believe in the one-up one-down Dynamic of a relationship that are powered controlled where the man is the leader of the relationship Must admit to her man. I just don't believe that I believe in partnership Very similar to two attorneys who decide to start a law firm together to CPAs who start a law firm together to doctors to start a Medical practice together they have equal say in the outcome of the shared dynamic that to me is feminism, okay Well listen Seth we have a lot of questions coming in from others I just want to share my appreciation for you coming on. Thank you so much and I wish you to all the best, okay? Thank you very much, John. All right. All right. All right. I love love Thank you. I appreciate that Folks, you know, I'm I'm a big prop, you know to the extent that I do have criticisms for long-distance dating There was always the exception to the rule the clock is the broken clock is right twice a day And it might be that Seth and Deborah or Deb might be able to go the distance I wish them all the success it sounds like they're going in very consciously with Sensuality which is a lot different because most people that enter into the long-distance dating dynamic It's all about the good feelings the good feelings and they haven't really addressed The mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and since Deb has been indoctrinated in the Jonathan Asley Philosophy and she's part of my group called midlife love mastery. There's a link below to join the group She's operating from a from a greater sense of awareness And it sounds like Seth is also in the same space as her and because of that they have a greater chance for success So I Jonathan endorsed this long-distance dating dynamic All right, we have more questions that came in Julie Jonathan oh and again if you want to join if you want to be brave enough to join the hot seat There's a link right there Julie is in the house. She says Jonathan. Could you please give an example of bread crumbing bread crumbing is simply Giving a little bit of attention and then going silent for a while and giving a little bit of attention and going silent for a while And giving a little bit of attention going silent for a while. That is bread crumbing. Okay Question John from Sandy I know it's difficult when Marie and you by the way, it's Marie not Maria you separated How have you gotten through the hard times because this is what I'm dealing with right now. So great question You know folks, there's no doubt I was rather attached to Marie and while cognitively speaking I Recognize a lot of why I chose this relationship what I needed to heal within myself in this relationship What gifts she gave me from this relationship? I've really examined the positive things I learned about myself I've examined what I've healed I've Examined what was good about the relationship and what I'm most grateful for and yet the same time my little kid is fucking pissed off My little kid is just screaming and like let me reframe that my little kid was screaming angry Okay His mommy took away my toy By the way, it sucks not having regular sucks. I really miss that Okay, so which I suspect maybe Sandy you feel the same way um, I Asked I I've really examined intro I've gone introspective and recognized that While I might I don't feel like I had an unhealthy attachment to her But I certainly was attached that was experiencing my love attachment if you're not familiar with the book um Wired for love by dr. Stan tackin and attached by Amir Levine Rachel Heller I really recognize what was going on for me and my dynamic of why I was Rather attached to this person number one But I but I'm healing that attachment. I've been healing it for decades So I don't feel like the pain like I don't feel heartbroken I'm just sad because I miss a lot of the good things I'm just sad that I miss a lot of the good things, but I don't feel heartbroken. I don't feel regret So and I believe she feels the same way So the most important thing to do sandy is to be introspective Recognize the gifts that you came from this relationship. How did you heal? How did you grow? Appreciate the good stuff and that's will help you get it through it. At least that's my way of doing it Okay, hope that helps All right, we have a lot of people that um have been asking questions if you asked a question earlier repeat it because um, I may not be able to find it How do you know when you've done enough inner work for a healthy relationship? Okay, here's one of many When you can look at your past relationships And not feel a charge You don't feel a need to throw them under the bus You don't need to feel the need to be negative about them when you can like I I I have so much Gratitude towards Marie. I have so much gratitude towards sherry. I have so much gratitude towards my ex-wife Um, and I don't mean to exaggerate this gratitude, but certainly Um, and you know, there were things wrong in each one of these relationships I mean again, if you didn't have to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman police person, excuse me a police officer excuse me um You know and and even if you had to call any one of those three if you don't have a charge You're you're in a good place to enter into a new relationship if you still have a charge Um, then I would say take time to heal. Okay. Great question. Angie. Thank you so much Rose says what do you do when it seems that most men I know want one thing Well, fuck I want one thing. I mean look at I'm in that category I mean, all right. Let me be clear. I want sex. Okay, and I want companionship. I want connection. I want emotional maturity. I want a Partner to do things with okay. I get it. What do you do when by the way? Yeah most men are remember I started this broadcast. We mostly date from what can I get? Sex is part of the way men operate. How do you address that by asking deeper questions? In the early stage of dating. That's what I teach in my private coaching There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you I teach you how to be intentional take a step back. Look at Seth and and debora debora grilled Seth. Okay Deborah grilled Seth okay Now, but Jonathan you're not supposed to you know interview people Fuck that shit. You are absolutely supposed to Interrogate people I say it tongue-in-cheek But absolutely your job is data collection Ask the deeper questions to see what they really want. Okay Billy Holt says Jonathan has said men think with their penis I think with my penis my little head does a lot of talking I mean, it's it's like the devil and the angel on the shoulder I'm sorry. I'm a human being I can be superficial I'm not this folks any of you think that I'm so the super evolved person. No, I'm just an average guy That's just done a little more work than the average person. That's all All right, let's keep going um Julie said going back to Seth and Deb. Oh my god, it's like 90-day fiance. It's right all right Bump bump bump bump Sarah's in the house I dated a man who was previously a friend for years He broke up after six months saying he didn't want to be with me anymore Why would a guy say he wants to be alone? Is this a cop out? Well, there was probably something within the dynamic that wasn't resonating with him for whatever reason doesn't have to be A healthy or it doesn't have to be an unhealthy reason, but And honestly, you know when we separate from someone we need to be alone We need time to heal from a relationship So, um, but no, I mean every human being wants can companionship connection and sex Okay, but it doesn't mean that they want commitment And maybe he just reached the max point Within for you of how far he could go for commitment, but no it's a cop out I mean to say I want to be alone I guarantee you he he still wants to have sex somewhere. Okay, and maybe he needs a prostitute. Oh, excuse me sex worker All right, let's keep going bump bump bump bump Um bump bump bump bump bump if you have a question write the word question then post the by the way Why doesn't anyone purchase a super sticker super chat our goal today is 50 dollars for the Conor Asley scholarship fund Give us some love. Okay. Give us some love Leanne bandy is in the house If loving him is loving the bad with the good I need help with loving his bad He deeply regrets how his marriage ended 16 years ago His affair and it's impacted on his kid. Should I run? Well, if he hasn't healed from his past relationship Then it's not then he can't fully embrace It's very rare. I'm not saying listen. There's always the exception to the rule the broken clock It's very rare that someone who has deep regret Well, let me actually that's not true I have to rewind for a second I have some I have regret I have regret. Okay I have real I regret that I wasn't a better husband. I have to I have to own that piece Um, I regret I wasn't a better father. So Is it deep regret? Well I've gotten over the shame and I've forgiven myself for it. Okay So I'm aware of I've got so I'm not I'm not charged by it Okay, I do have regret folks. I'm not proud of the fact. I wasn't a great husband I'm not proud of the fact. I wasn't a good father. I was an unconscious human being for a lot of years I just followed the doctrine taught to me be the provider protector I did that role my ex-wife even said you did a great job doing the role of provider But I wasn't really a provider from an emotional perspective because I was never taught it I just was singularly focused on what I was taught was to be the one who paid the bills Okay so But I've healed from that so But when you say he deeply regrets it, it sounds like he still has a charge and because of that he you know I would have some real reservations. I would see where you're Where you share the same values where your lifestyles are blendable and more importantly his emotional maturity Thank you so much for that question Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mayo my oh Regarding prenups my top values we pride prioritize and trust each other my ex-husband prenup made me feel I don't trust you. I don't prioritize you. He called me a gold digger. Okay. I'm all in favor for prenups and let me explain why especially for those of us in midlife a legal Illegal marriage is a contract with the government It is a legal contract with the government where the government has has set rules on What happens when a relationship ends? It's not what you two decide. It's what the government decides The prenup is the design to decide how you to want to View the relationship particularly if it ends. So I think it's it's a great. It's an important conversation I think we absolutely need to have a contract Our own contract not the government's contract. I'm not fucking I believe me. I this is a charge for me I don't believe the government should rule our life. I don't believe a judge has a right to rule my life Okay, and I wouldn't want you to give your power to a judge either. So yes, I'm in big favor of prenups Even if it feels like it's it's not an issue of trust It's a marriage is a business contract because otherwise what I mean really it's a business contract if you think about it And you could form your own business contract without it Jonathan have to say this is probably one of your best Realist loving videos to date. Yes, it resonates with me Bravo. Thank you for sharing your authentic input here chef kiss on the video Chef kiss on the video. Okay Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Remember our conversation was about appreciation. I appreciate that Julie wants to ask Jonathan. Did you read Steve Harvey's book? What did you think? You know I I appreciate A lot of the sentiment that Steve Harvey has professed in his book I do believe that he Sometimes overly criticizes men and I can understand why because I overly criticize men. I think he under Under estimates how women are equally messed up in the dating dynamic I don't think he has a real grasp on that or at least in the book I didn't what is it act like a lady think like a man. Where is it? I know I have that book somewhere Oh, um, maybe I don't anymore. Um, I'm giving it away. Um So I can appreciate that, you know, his 90 day rule I understand that the I understand the dynamics for that I do agree that people should build trust with one another before the penis goes inside the vagina I prefer the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman particularly chapter one reading it But ladies before you ever go on the first date read this first chapter. It's so critically important to understand What trusting commitment is all about? Okay, so thank you for that Jonathan, did you read he's just not that into I love the book. I saw the movie So yeah, I've seen the movie Do you think you should ask for parents blessing before getting engaged? Well, my parents aren't around or my dad still is um, you know, that's a that's a that was I think of younger people where culture is critically important for a relationship I could see the the need for that for those that are mating within their culture Um, I don't think it's necessary for those of us in midlife, you know, maybe your children Maybe it'd be better to get your children's blessing for those of us in midlife because that's an important critical factor In your relationship more so than your parents, but for younger people that don't have children Yeah, I could see it from a cultural perspective the value of that. Okay Um Billy holt is hey, let's give jessica some props for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much That means we have $40 to go for this broadcast. Come on. Give some love Billy question. Can you please can you tell these women to toughen up and quit? Taking bullshit. What's wrong with a woman being masculine if he can be a feminist? Well, first off folks, okay If you haven't read the book personhood by I can't pronounce his last name leo viscoglia Okay Folks, we have to throw out this bullshit rhetoric at least in my opinion the masculine and the feminine You know, like we are just simply human beings trying to do the best we can okay to me Feminist or feminism is simply Treating each other as human beings. That's what it means to me. Okay Treating each other as human beings not based on their gender Okay That's all how you treat someone. You know, whether you treat them equally or fairly That's how I view it. So that's my opinion on that And yes toughen up so I don't you know, stephanie. I'm not again to get into the legal marriage stuff again. I shared my point of view Question. I'm wondering if you changed your photos as they are both on the same Yes, I did switch them around from the last broadcast Uh All right, leon gave us some love. Thank you for the 20 dollar super sticker. That means we have 20 less for today Thank you for the love. We appreciate it. Jessica has just come in and said love you jonathan Everybody please support this wonderful man his beautiful cause. I wish I could do more today. Thank you so much I appreciate that billy holt just gave us some love Thank you for the 10 dollar. So we have 10 dollars more to go for today. Maybe let's shoot for 100 so You know, um Sandy, thank you so much for that. All right. So what else I really am hyped on this shared passion piece um I didn't realize that it's one thing to try someone's passion. Okay It's another to really embrace it to really embrace it and I think of a couple I'll probably interview him on my channel. Uh, bennett and stephanie where um, bennett wanted to start playing golf Okay, he's a man in his fifties and he wanted to start playing golf and he began playing golf and he encouraged his wife to join him And I actually drove down to san diego to go meet up with them and play golf with the three of them um Throughout my back. I don't know if you guys remember a few months ago where I threw out my back um, but what's interesting is stephanie has equally gotten passionate about golf and she gets together with other women and plays golf and this is something What's cool about golf and it's not a it's not a full A regular size 18 whole course. It's an executive course But in three hours you get to spend time with your partner in a fun loving way And then you talk about it. You see the thing about shared passion It isn't that you just do it together But then you talk about it together you talk about and by the way, think of like, oh my god, honey Remember when you made the birdie on that hole. Oh my god. I loved it I'm like, I can't believe you were stuck in that sound sand trap for four or five shots, you know And you get to talk about the experience And so I'm a big proponent of human people Sharing having at least one solid shared passion together. I think this is again a lot of my contemporaries who are raising babies Can't understand how critically important this is for those of us that are empty nesters That our children are grown And if your children are your highest priority ladies if your children are your highest priority Then you need to think about it very few men are going to accept your children as their highest priority The two of you have to find that mutual Passion together. Otherwise, it's most likely going to be a bit problematic. I'm just putting it out there By the way, thanks roller gore for the two dollar super sticker. I appreciate that Beach lover says golf is golf golf golf is a great way to ruin a lovely walk in a beautiful park I don't I don't feel the same way, but I get how you can feel that way Power cheese says I knew a guy that was using steve harvey's Way to play women. He had manipulated women that 90 day rotation while he was waiting 90 days For you. He was having plenty of sex with other women. Interesting Well, yeah, I mean that happens. Yes, that happens So what so what that's what that guy did. That's his journey Who cares what matters most is your journey hope is in the house With no regrets in mind and when a relationship is over How should I heal from a relationship that ended with no duality of conversation and still no contact from the other side? So forgiveness and gratitude Listen, I I'm going to share something with you about my own personal relationship that ended This has helped me get through it First off, I forgive myself for For some of my choices in the relationship and and I forgive her for some of her choices in the relationship And they're they're not that big of a deal to really be overly critical about but what most important is I'm in a state of gratitude Folks, you've heard me talk about marie with rev I mean with absolute reverence with absolute respect You know, I feel like when you can and if you can't feel like you respected the person Find what you're most grateful for and even if it's just the learning lesson you got from the experience That's how you put yourself in a space of being ready To be able to join up with someone new in your life And I will tell you the by the way I I read women's dating profiles I can literally read how every guy has hurt them in the words that they express in their dating profile as an example And I can tell that's a human being that hasn't healed You'd be surprised how sub how victim consciousness is so subtle in communication And yet it's so prevalent to why a lot of relationships don't succeed. That's just my two cents on it Hey, this has been fun on a Saturday morning to share my perspective He'll regret losing you when this happens folks who gives a crap if he regrets losing you what's most important is you show up Giving attention affection appreciation and acceptance and if he can't do it equally for you Then you have a misaligned relationship and I would say it's time to move on. All right Listen, if you found value in this if you have something to say post a comment below I like do my best to read all the comments in the first 24 hours if you like this video here Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell as well And by the way, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called midlife love mastery To get my book to follow me on instagram as well I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic chanth and barrac of self love I'm going to reach into the camera. Please excuse those bit stains and give you a hug as well I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye sandy and holly and julie and parochie and beech lever and Irene and hope and kathy and jane and veronica and debra and seth all of you Julie roller girl lighthouse jessica I think I said that Everyone stephanie billy holt Leanne and all those that donated. Thank you so much wishing you a super duper