 Good afternoon. Welcome to coronavirus in our mental health. Today is June 8th, 2022. I'm Ken Bernus and I'm coming to you from Hollywood in the North Shore. Now, yesterday when I looked at the New York Times the seventh of June. I saw some very disturbing statistics, unfortunately. Hawaii ascended to number one. In average new cases per week. Let me explain that a little bit. Okay, the New York Times looks at the last seven days and sees how many new cases per 100,000 people in our population. That way we can compare how Hawaii is doing to the big states like California and Texas and New York and all that. Unfortunately, this week, Hawaii led all 58 states, not 58, excuse me, all 50 states, as far as average new cases in coronavirus. Now this sort of follows the pattern that we've been seeing as far as the coronavirus movement from east to west. Right now we're seeing the northeast and the Midwest, getting some relief from from their high surge numbers just recently. The high surge is moving west. The West Coast is up. And we're up the most, like I say, this is really difficult. It's difficult for us because it's been an emotional roller coaster here in Hawaii for two years. It's been very hard for us to keep going back and forth between masking and unmasking. It's been a hard time. Most people are not masked anymore. And we've got a lot of tourists coming in and a lot of people who are anxious to get out of the house. I know that because a lot of them come to the North Shore, when they get out of their house. Plus we have the fact that we're looking at these incredible mass shootings that are going around in our country. And this contributes to an emotional upheaval that is very difficult to deal with. And luckily today I have my good friend Jerry Brennan here. Jerry is a clinical psychologist who lives in Hawaii guy and practices out there. And his specialty is dealing with emotions, like the stuff that we're going through and doing it with thoughts. Without any further ado, I want to welcome Jerry to our program and introduce him to you. So Jerry, how are you doing? I'm doing fine. It's a pleasure to be here. My passion is helping people and I hope I can be helpful today. I know you will be and we'll start off with, like I said, if you could start, you can tell us a little bit about how you work on taking thoughts and cognitions and helping people with their emotions. Right. Well, sometimes they start out asking people a few questions and then help them understand that they're thinking is a little bit often that we can switch it and they'll feel better. So typically I start out asking a person a question. Let's see here. So I have a little checklist here and I ask people. Yes or no to the following questions. The first question is, sometimes others make me angry. And what do you say that one. Well, that's a true or false question right so yes or no. Yeah, I'm oh yes or no okay so I'm guessing most people would say yes. Absolutely absolutely I'd say 95% of people say sometimes, not all the time but sometimes others make me angry. And so what I tell them is, nope, that's wrong. And they go what I say well here's how it works. Somebody says something to you, or does something to you. If somebody walked into my, my home office here and broke the window and punched me in the nose and I'm laying on the floor thinking that son of a. I would feel angry. Right. He too. Right. But I was laying on the floor thinking, my gosh, he's going to kill me. And I would feel afraid. Or I might think, what can I do to calm this guy down before he hurts me. Okay, I might look for a solution. My whenever, whenever anything happens, there's always a thought. And that thought. He's going to kill me, or them he busted my window, or how can I, you know how can I calm him down. Those are three different thoughts. So even in extreme situations, you might have a different thought than somebody else. And those thoughts will result in different feelings. I think he's going to. I think I was thinking that son of a. And I'll feel angry. I think he's going to kill me. I'm going to feel afraid. I think what should I do. I'm starting to problem solve. So my thoughts, your thoughts cause your feelings, not what happens. Even in extreme situations like another one, if somebody, if my house is burned down, and I grabbed my cat, my wife and I'm standing outside thinking, thank God we got out. For them, my house is burning down. Totally different reaction based upon my thoughts. The way you think about things is what really, really matters. And you can learn to control that. And we can end the show here. And of course they, the real kicker is how do we control them, you know, and especially today when our thoughts seem out of control, it just seems everything seems so overwhelming and we don't seem to have any solutions of what we can do. And the people who are leading us don't seem to have many solutions either. So we're faced with, my God, we're stuck here, and things are bad, and we're stuck in the bad. And so, how do we turn it around and think all those different thoughts, especially the good thoughts about, thank God I got out of the fire. Right. Well, there's a bunch of different things we can do. One is realize that your thoughts are causing your feelings. That's step number one to realize this fact. It's a fact. It's a way I think. And if we grew up in an abusive childhood, we're probably going to overreact to these kind of things and get angry. And I have a different reaction. We had been a gentle parents when we did something wrong, they'd go, oh my gosh, we got a mess here, how can we clean this up. Instead of going to go to time out for two hours and or get spanked or slapped or something we've, we've all had different experiences. And when people do things to us. One of my big questions is why do they do it. And usually the answer is they had a bad childhood. And the thing just keeps repeating itself. And that's the really discouraging thing. I know a lot of people who had abusive parents, and they said to me when they came to me they said, I will never be abusive to my kids because my parents were abusive to me. But when things got really tough. Things got really tight and things got going crazy. We reverted our people reverted to what they knew best. And that was to control the situation with violence. And so they, they go back to the thing that they knew, rather than the thing they wanted to, and that's really discouraging. Right, we're creatures of habit for sure. We learned we learned and we've got to get some new habits so how do you help your clients get those new habits that's that's a key and I know you do that really well. Right, so the second question I sometimes ask him is, sometimes expressing anger helps me get rid of it. And they usually say, yes. Yeah, true. And the correct answer is false whatever you practice you get better at so if you could practice it saying you will get better doing that. People, I don't know if you know that some people swear a lot right. Yeah. And so that helps them get rid of it right. They practice it to get better at it if you spend a lot of time swearing you become a better swear. So practice makes imperfect. And they don't realize that that's the key they know they they're falling into that and right so we got that up to them and they say what. So we got to find another way to think about things. Okay. Our thoughts is a problem and we got to find some new ways of thinking. And that that takes some practice because we've had lifetime of thinking this other way and how do we change that. I have a whole bunch of handouts, helping people change their thoughts. Like we have this. I have this thing I call it fallacy of the shoulds. People do will do what I think they should. People don't get into a lot of trouble. Yeah, exactly. People do what they want to do now what they should do. People don't do what I think they should only what's rewarding and reinforcing for them. I can't expect people to act the way I want them to people can't read my mind. People don't do what I think they should only what their values and needs dictate. My needs and values pushed on somebody else. So for we can there's all bunch of different ways to think about this thing to get rid of that fallacy of the shoulds people expecting people to do what they should do. That's really hard I know that you work with couples as well as individuals sometimes and the for every time. A couple comes in and says, well, we love each other but things are not working out because the other person is not doing what I think they should be doing right and you walk into a relationship thinking well I'll change the other person. You know, I mean, the other person's got some problems but I love him. I love her, and we'll change him. Well, doesn't seem to work very well with couples therapy. There's no experience in that regard as far as help trying to help them have different expectations of their partner and the people in the world. I can't expect people to act the way I want them to I can't. But I definitely feel I should get paid double for a couple of therapy. I won't argue with that that's for sure. We need to calm down and we've got to realize that one of my favorite saying is excrement excrement distributes randomly. I don't know if you've heard that one before. Yeah, I like the way you put it. It's a very nice nice way to put it. Yeah. I don't like swearing too much. I try to stay away from that so I say excrement distributes randomly. I like that. Yeah. And it's, it's true. Bad things will happen and good things will happen too. However, there are many many good things that are happening and there's a few bad things and if we can cause our feelings if we focus on the house burning down will feel bad if we focus on the fact that we got out and save the cat to feel much better. So we've got to focus on the positives. I totally agree. You know, one of the things that I would I would like you to go back to for a second if we could is that idea of changing habits. They don't work with people and they say well yeah I'll try that and they try it once or twice but then they forget about it and they go back to their normal habits. How do we, how do we keep people to develop new habits things that will stay with them rather than they'll try once or twice and they'll forget about it. I don't know if you know how many psychologists it takes to change a light bulb. Oh, I'm afraid to hear this answer. There's only one, but the light bulb has to want to change. There you go. The client to cooperate here that they want to make some changes. But there are so many wonderful things to be grateful for. Yeah, there are. And then there's a few things that are junk. That's for sure. Yeah. I'm so pleased to pick and some people, like I kind of have a passion in life to try to help people. So a lot of my focus goes towards that. Instead of, you know, that my car broke down or something like that I'm thinking about how to help this person. So, having a passion or mission in life is really, really a wonderful thing to do to have something to focus on other than me me me me me. What, what can I do. And what do I enjoy doing. I like to play football or I like to help people or I like I'm an artist or you know what do you, you got to find some of your passions in life. And when you're feeling bad, jump over there and do your passion. Absolutely. What happens sometimes when you can't do your passion I know one of your passions is bad men. Sometimes it becomes a little difficult. I know you've had, you know, you haven't been able to play for a while, and that has to be hard. Well, I there's more than more than bad men in my life for sure like coming and talking on the shows. I haven't even thought about bad men today. That's terrific. Great. Well that makes me feel better that's terrific. Yeah, when you can't when you can't engage in your passions. One of the things that some people have done during the coronavirus is develop new passions. Right. Yeah, and you know that's that's certainly an avenue we can take a look at. Have you had much success with people trying new things during the coronavirus are during these difficult times. Yeah, well, there's various things you can do. Let's say I wrote down a bunch of stuff. I don't know if you knew this but we have some beautiful beaches in Hawaii. Truly, maybe taking a walk on the beach, or even better going swimming in the ocean there we have beautiful ocean the water is going to warm nowadays, or take a walk in the woods or work in your garden, or another another one is connection with other people reach out to have some friends. I miss my traveling I'm with the Rotary Club and I go to different countries and help people in other countries where people typically. I haven't been able to do that, but it's caused me to think about the times that I went. And these poverty stricken people that you know that one water pump for the whole village or something like that and everybody has to go to the water pump to pump water. And I go to the bathroom and turn a faucet on or the kitchen. And these people all go to the pump together and they're all hanging out together and the kids are playing together and it's lovely. They're happier than we are. And so there's, so there's, I see these other countries where people have far less than we do. But they're actually the community is more cooperative and they're more connected to each other and so get some people connections join a club or something like that. And, you know, I had my bad man club, you know, I don't get to see them and that's unfortunate but I have other organizations with my Rotary Club we're still meeting and working together. I'm still playing ping pong, although I maybe I shouldn't be but I've been playing ping pong a bit. That's great. Yeah, I'm so you know, I saw a movie going to church or. Yeah, absolutely. Listen to the music or get your hobby going. You know, I was think I was thinking about you the other day because of you know your Rotary Club connections. I hope we have time for you to tell us a little bit more about that but I saw this movie called. Lou Donna, yak in the classroom. It was up for best picture best foreign film last year. And it takes place in Bhutan supposedly at the remotest village in the world. And a teacher goes out there at the beginning of the film, and things are primitive to say the least. I've been I've been to Bhutan I know. It's an amazing place and it's amazing film that the scenery is like Hawaii in a way that it's so beautiful different different beauty but it's incredible but they have nothing that we have that sort of takes our attention away and they can just really focus on the beauty which is incredible there and it's it's incredible because of the kids there is this guy goes up there to teach to be the only teacher in the village and he teaches these young kids and it's just incredibly heartwarming. Beautiful thing. You say if you've only been to one country it's like you've only read one page in the book. You should definitely go see some other countries and get a better perspective on our own by seeing how these other people do and Bhutan is one of the happiest countries in the world. They have carbon, carbon, carbon positive or whatever negative. They have water generation electricity and they sell electricity to India because they have extra so they produce more than they need and they sell to other countries and the roadways going way back in the areas are beautiful they paved them all everybody's got free education and free medical care and it's amazing country. And yet it's very very poor they're not rich like we are, but they're happier than we are. Because they have this community and they work together. I totally agree and I'm and yeah, and I'm envious of you being able to travel the world I know you've seen a lot more countries that I have. Do you have experiences that you've really enjoyed in your travels with the rotary club. Well, one and well the one in Cambodia where we went to a remote village where we installed a water pump for the village and they had one water pump for the whole village. And everybody's gathered around the village and the kids are splashing in the water and playing and being happy and everybody lives in it just a little. It's just a little hut or something you know and they have dry seasons and everything's bearing and dust and put little school was there you can you can see the whole school just standing there. A little bitty school but the kids are playing and learning things and everybody's happy I just couldn't believe it. One thing that you said it really resonated with me was. I was faced with all these difficulties and like when we turn on the news, for instance, and we see all the terrible things that are going on. And one of the things that you brought out was remembering, going back to our memories of these wonderful moments like you're talking about right in your world travels. And that gets us away from all this negativity. And I think allows us to come up with a better perspective, like our better perspective and our thoughts, rather than being at the mercy of our emotions. Right there. Yeah, there's so much to be grateful for. I had this. One thing here is person had right down with the seven wonders of the world were. Yeah, I saw that tell us about that. Yeah, so usually people think you know the seven wonders of the world are like Egypt's great pyramids and the Taj Mahal and the Grand Canyon and the Panama Canal and the Empire State Building and China's Great Wall and St. Peter's Basilica, but this little girl wrote this thing out of the seven world wonders of the world that she thought were to be able to touch people to taste to see to hear to feel and laugh. And number seven was to love those are the seven wonders of the world and we all have those things. And from the mouth of the younger comes the wisdom, that's for sure. Yeah, and it really moved me when I heard that. And I know that you work with your clients on trying to adjust their perspectives and therefore help them come up with better thoughts to govern this during this emotional time. Gratitude is a big one being grateful for all the things you do have. I mean you got a heart that beats, you know 100 times a minute. And it's been doing that your whole life. Be thankful for that if it stopped for a little while you'd be dead. Your eyelid is blank and you know the same eyelid blanks 100 times a minute. Well Jerry we're coming, we're coming up on like about four and a half minutes left in the show. Oh, could you tell us a little bit about, you know what you think are the you've already told us about gratitude is being so important. What else to you and is then really important and helping people change their thoughts to to give them a better perspective and less at the mercy of all these negative emotions. Well, I certainly think just the simple one of deep breathing exercises or some kind of meditation or, which of course walking by the in the woods or at the beach calms you down a little bit. And some deep breathing exercises, like a lot of people smoke cigarettes in order to relax. Right. You know it's crazy. Cigarettes have nicotine and a stimulant, but people report that they're more relaxed when they smoke a cigarette and I think they are, because they're doing a deep breathing exercise when they're smoking their cigarette. They take the breathe in for about 10 seconds ago. And they hold for about 10 seconds. Maybe back out again just don't do it with a cigarette because cigarettes bad for you but if you just do deep breathing exercises or some kind of meditation things or prayer at church or all those kind of things help you calm down a little bit. And then you can start focusing on all the things you have to be thankful for. I mean you're alive. Be thankful you're alive. Your elbow may hurt or something like that or I'm having some knee problems but I'm still here. I still do I want to heck of a lot of things that can't play bad man, but I'm here. Yeah, I love the, you know, when you talked about the lungs and that if we could just get people to breathe like they were smoking cigarettes without the cigarettes like you say, think of all the healthy young lungs we would have in this country. Think of all the reduction in lung cancer, and all the other and COPD and all these other type of things that you because I ran a tobacco cessation program. Not ran it but supervised it for many years and God if we could do that. Wonderful. Well walking in the woods around the beach exercises another huge health that's healthy for unit, not only for your mind but also for your body. One of the things I really liked that I got a friend out, not that far from you he's in Kailua and you know when things get a little tight he just says well that's time for a walk on the beach. And that gives him the break, like the cigarette break, you know one of the nice things about cigarettes is not only breathing, but you get to take a break from whatever is stressing you out. And he has it with a walk on the beach like you're saying, and, and like you're saying our beaches are wonderful it's one of the things that just kept me up on the North Shore for over 40 years is to be able to go out and just walk on the beach. And I know that out in Hawaii guy you do the same thing and except you can also go out on the water with your kayak, which is wonderful. And find something you love to do you know that's if that's going walking or that's a sailing a sailboat or whatever doesn't matter what find something you love to do or artistic kinds of things or helping people or adopting cats or feeding the homeless or you know there's all kinds of find a mission. Two brilliant, the two most important qualities in life are perseverance. So you know don't give up. And then the second most important thing is knowing when to quit. So, pick something out give it your best shot and if it doesn't work quit and do something else. Those are two important qualities keep trying to do the wrong thing and you'll keep being unhappy. You know, and we're now down to under a minute so I wanted to. Again, thank you for being on the show with me and thank you for sharing. This perspective on how to deal with all this negativity and I think you've given a lot of people, some things to think about and I really appreciate you being here. Right, you can fix it fix it if you can't fix it let it go. Yeah, absolutely hanging on to something you can't fix is ridiculous. So many things you can fix waste don't waste your time trying to fix something you can't fix find something you can fix I mean this world needs you. That's right. I totally agree. And again thank you and I wanted to thank everybody who tuned in to this show. And if you have any questions about what we talked about today. If you would like to add his comments, please let think tech Hawaii know, and I'd also like to thank the staff at think tech Hawaii with J Fidel and Haley and Michael and everybody else. It was such a great help to us here as well. And again, thanks for joining us and everybody and especially my friend Jerry Aloha. Okay and shut this off and ground have some fun. Thank you so much for watching think tech Hawaii. If you like what we do, please like us and click the subscribe button on YouTube and the follow button on Vimeo. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn and donate to us at think tech Hawaii.com. Mahalo.