 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time, and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Well, little Miss Honey, how are you today? Oh, I'm just you. Oh, I'm just fine too. When I have an announcement, that's going to make you very, very happy. All yours is going to be. Well, you know, there's going to be a special coronation ceremony for the Queen of England in June. Oh, yes, yes. They're going to crown her. Yes, that's right. They're going to put a crown on her head. And of course, when a queen is crowned, she has to wear a very specially beautiful gown. Oh, yes, of course. Well, today in the American Weekly, there is a picture of the gown that Queen Elizabeth is going to wear at the ceremony. There is? Yes, and what's more, there's a picture of her robe and her crown, and all of them are in cutouts. You mean, Puck? That's it exactly. Oh, that's wonderful. I thought you'd be pleased, so you look for it in the American Weekly. That's the magazine section in today's paper. Oh, I certainly, certainly will. Thank you. You're welcome. Now will you please read me the funny? Puck the Comic Weekly? Yes. Very well. I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Oh, with Puck the Comic Weekly, and on the first page, under bringing of father, Beatle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Doot me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beatle. An officer at special services, which is a branch of the Armed Services that provides entertainment for the soldiers, calls the USO, the place where they're going to put on a show. And he says, I've located a boy who does a comedy act for your USO show. Oh, fine, fine. Send him over. A little later, Beatle Bailey comes up to the steps of the USO building. He says to himself, Golly, all the hotels are filled and I haven't slept all night. I wonder if the USO has any place to sleep. He goes in and walks up to the desk, and says to a young man who is the receptionist, Uh, I'm from Camp Swampy, and I... Yeah, yeah, I know what... Oh, oh, oh, oh. The man at the desk looks at Beatle's funny face, at Beatle's cap, drooping over his eyes, at Beatle's funny hair sticking out from under the cap, at the big pipe Beatle has in his mouth, at his shirt bulging up out of his trousers, and he thinks Beatle's the comedian that's being sent over. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Last picture, top roll Beatle, unable to figure out where the man is laughing, says, Well, I just wondered if you had a card I could use. And then a girl comes into the room and giggles. Put it right on the stage for you. First picture, bottom roll, where in the USO theater, where the show is being put on, the girl who is mistress of ceremonies is standing out in front of the curtain, and she announces, the fellow who is sitting at the desk when Beatle came in turns to the manager of the theater who's standing beside him and says, Wait, wait, where do you see him? It kills you just to look at him. Yeah, look, look, see him? The curtain is drawn and there on the stage lies Beatle on a cot. Audience begins to laugh at Beatle's funny snores. The manager of the theater sees Beatle sleep on but do nothing else. Finally, he says, Yeah, it's pretty funny, but I think he's dragging it out too much. Beatle snores on. The people in the audience wait for Beatle to do something else that's funny. When he doesn't, they start to get sleepy themselves. Yeah, look, the audience is going to sleep. Just then, the boy, the special services officer had sent over to do the comedy act, comes up to the manager and says, Hiya! The special service officer sent me over here. The manager groans, Oh no, not another one. And last picture, Beatle comes flying out of the door of the USO. He bounces down the steps. Take your crummy yak back to the barracks. Beatle looks up and sees the comedian sitting on the steps. And he sure have a rough way of getting you up in there. And the comedian answers, You're lucky. They didn't even give me a chance to put on my getup. Funny. And I thought that when he wanted a cut, that it was part of his act. I thought I... So did I, but I guess that manager didn't. No. Yes. Well, now how would you like to read Peter Pan? Oh, I love to read Peter Pan. Very well then, let's go over the page, past little iodine, go past Prince Val and turn over another page, go past page four, then turn over page five, and there on page six is Peter Pan. Yes, the place where boys who don't want to grow up can go. And last week, while Peter took Wendy off the shore of the mermaids, all the boys led by John went looking for the Indians. Yeah, but the boys got themselves into trouble. They were captured by the Indians. And the Indians... Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Peter Pan. Say the magic words with me. Crocodiles pirates, Peter Pan, the whisk-up music for Never Never Land. John and his little army have been captured by the very Indians they were seeking. And now the boys are tied to a totem pole in the center of the Indian camp. The Indians sit in a circle around the boys, beating on their tom-toms. Second picture, John Darling, who was the leader on this little expedition says, I'm frightfully sorry, old champs. It's all my fault. Hey, look, here comes the chief. And the chief, a huge fat fellow, walks over to them, stops in front of them, bulls his arms and says, Last picture, top row, the chief goes on. For many moons, red men fight pale-faced boys. Sometime you win. Sometime we win. One of the boys answers, Okay, chief, you win this time. Now turn us loose. First picture, bottom row, the chief replies, This time, No turn them loose. Now this isn't according to the rules, because the Indians and the boys have always played a game. The Indians capture the boys, they turn the boys loose. The boys capture the Indians, they turn the Indians loose. One of the boys nervously laughs, The chief's a great spoofer. Me, no spoofer. Where you hide, princess Tiger Lily? John answers, Why, We haven't even seen her. Fourth picture, bottom row, the chief roars, He big lie, If Tiger Lily not back by sunset, Burn them hatch-stick. And at this fateful moment, Last picture, Tiger Lily is helpless in the clutches of the infamous Captain Hook, and is being rode to a secret island where Captain Hook plans to keep her prisoner. And the boys in the Indians. Yes, because now the Indians are playing for real. They're going to punish the boys because Tiger Lily has been captured. The chief thinks doesn't he? Yes, and unless some way can be found to get Tiger Lily back before sunset, those boys are going to be in an awful lot of trouble. Who happened? Well, I'm afraid we'll have to wait until next week to find that out. But now, look across the page. There's Donald Duck. Oh, my favorite baby. And we'll read your favorite favorite right now. Here we go with Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me. Squid jump, squid jump, squidly chicken check. Let's have music to fit a quack quack. Donald is downtown. He's very hungry, so he goes into a restaurant to get dinner. Third picture top row. He looks at the menu and says to the waiter, I'll take the big time, please. Oh, yes, sir. An excellent choice, huh? An hour later, last picture top row, Donald finished with his dinner, waves to the waiter who's coming toward Donald's table. My chef, please. But the waiter pays no attention to Donald. Goes on by to another table. Ah, I guess he didn't hear me. First picture bottom row, the waiter goes past Donald again. Donald calls. Apologize to me. May I have my check now? The waiter pays no attention to Donald. Oh, what's the matter? He got hair in his ear. A few minutes later, the waiter is pouring coffee. Donald yells. That's my check. The waiter doesn't answer, so Donald grabs his cap. Okay, if that's the way they fail, he starts for the door, opens the door, and is grabbed by the caller. Whisk back into the restaurant. And last picture, the waiter holds Donald by the caller and says to the cashier, trying to sneak out without paying, sir. And then when Donald got up to leave, the waiter says he's trying to get away without paying. You know, I don't blame Donald. Neither do I. I think I might do the same. And so would I. Yes, and I'll meet you in jail. Well, now let's turn over the page and see who's there. Oh, look, Roy Rogers. That's right, over the page and Roy Rogers. And you remember that Roy was helping his friend Doleful Hawkins, who was in trouble with the outlaw. Yes, and you remember the way. And little Tim, Doleful's nephew, rode after Fancy Farrell, the leader. You know, he could get killed. I wonder what'll happen. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Roy leaps on one of the outlaw's horses and gallops in the direction that Tim and Fancy Farrell had taken. He comes around a bend in the road, third-picture top row, and sees Farrell and Tim standing in the road. Hey, whoa, they triggered. Hey, what happened? You all right, Tim? Oh, sure, Roy. Trigger caught up with Fancy Farrell easy. Me, big chief Tim Hawkins. Hit him with stone from slingshot. Roy looks at Farrell and sees a big lump on his head. And then he sees a big lump on his head. Roy looks at Farrell and sees a big lump on his head, which now has no hair on it. Last-picture top row, Tim holds up a toupee. Hey, look, Roy, I scalp the dude. Well, I'll be doggone, Tim. He wears a bogus top piece. Farrell starts to run away again. Roy whips out his last suit, and first-picture bottom row flips it over Farrell's shoulder. All right, not so fast there, Farrell. You're joining your two pals on a trip to the Hoose Gal. Tim takes aim with a slingshot and... and hits Farrell where it hurts the most. Farrell exclaims, Okay, okay, just keep that little high end away from me, will ya? Jail will be a relief. In no time at all, the outlaws, all trust up, are loaded in a wagon, ready to be hauled to the sheriff. Roy says, All right, take it from here, Doeful. I'm heading for Tumul City. And Doeful, who worries about everything, answers, Thanks, Roy. Tim and me will fulfill my dead bosses' all-haul and contract. But something else is bound to happen. Good-bye! A short time later, Roy, who's heading for Tumul City, sees two scarecrow standing in a field. Hey, I wonder why Homestead have put two scarecrow in the field so close together, Trigger? As he comes closer, last picture, he sees something that opens his eyes. Great guns, Trigger. That scarecrow is running. Yes, he captured Fancy Farrow all by himself. He's a victim. Yes, he is. You know, I think I'd feel just the way that Fancy Farrow does. I'd rather be in jail than be around that table. I think that crow's running away. Well, I think we'll find that this begins a new adventure, and we'll find out more about that next week. Now, let's pick up the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly. All right. And I'll read Dagwood and Blondie in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly, and on the first page of the second section, Dagwood and Blondie. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. For I'm a food, I'm a fum, zim, zim, zombie. Konjimi music for Dagwood and Blondie. A salesman has called at the Bumstead House and is trying to sell Blondie a little gadget. Blondie keeps saying, No, I'm sorry. I don't want any. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want any. No, I'm sorry. I don't want any. I have this thing here once, and she actually opens a place of Norwegian Danish art game. No, I'm sorry. I don't want any. And then a bright idea pops into Blondie's mind. And last picture, top row, Dagwood is at the door. I'd like to show you. Oh, sorry, sorry. No, I don't want any. Goodbye, goodbye. But instead of leaving, the salesman comes into the house, shutting the door behind him. No, we don't want any. Then Dagwood turns his back on the salesman and walks into the living room thinking the salesman will leave. I'd like to show you. But instead, the salesman who has very squeaky shoes follows him into the living room for his picture, second row. I tell you, I'm not interested. Then Dagwood goes upstairs. The salesman squeaks after him. No, no, no. Last picture, second row, Dagwood is coming out of the house trying to get away from the salesman. Who still squeaks after him? No, I said. First picture, third row, Dagwood comes up to the Woodley house. He rings the doorbell. Would you like to see some testimonial letters from satisfied customers? No, no. The door is opened and Dagwood walks into the Woodley house and the salesman squeaks in after him. It's priced for quick. And the salesman sees her Woodley. Oh, how do you do? And the salesman starts to give Herb Woodley the pitch. Last picture, third row, Dagwood comes out the back door of the Woodley house, a big satisfied smile in his face. And he hears the salesman saying to Herb, first picture, bottom row, we're in the Woodley house. The salesman is following Herb around the table and Herb is yelling, I'm not interested. I'm not interested. Ten minutes later in the Bumstead house, Blondie says to Dagwood, Oh, you answered, will you near? I'm going to finish my nap. And Dagwood plops down on the sofa and immediately falls asleep. Last picture, there's a And Herb Woodley with a plank in his hand is standing over Dagwood, ready to give him a good clout. And then the salesman steps in the door and says, I'd like to show you a very nice little house. Oh, look at this house. Yes, it looks like Dagwood is going to get a good clout on the head. Yes. No, he doesn't. I would say that he is a pest. Yes, I would say he's quite a pest. Yes. Well, now that we've agreed on that, let's turn over the page. Yes, Dick's Adventures. And today I think Dick is beginning a new adventure. Very well. Here we go with Dick's Adventures in Dreamland. Say the magic word with me, please. Rickety-pack-a-zack-a-zack. Let's have music for adventurous Dick. Dick and his dad are on a motor trip down in Texas. They pass by a famous old, old mission, a place where the priests used to live in the early days of America. Dick's dad says, Hey, have a look over there, Dick. That's the old mission, the Alamo. Remember the Alamo? Hey, Dick. Ah, he's dreaming again. And in his sleep, Dick's dreams carry him back, back, back. And last picture top row, Dick sees himself riding a stagecoach in the early days of America in the year 1835. He's talking with a driver who's saying, See you're figuring to live in Texas, eh? On and on the coach goes past Pine Forest, bordering dark bayous into long prairies where startled antelope run. And at last, first picture, second row, the coach comes to a customs outpost and grinds to a stop. Oh, everybody out. As they unload the coach, the driver says to Dick, second picture, Well, lad, we're over the border. You're in Mexico. Hey, but driver, I thought we're going to Texas. Oh, sure, lad. And Texas is in Mexico. Last picture, second row, while the customs officials are doing their work, Dick strolls off to the old mission nearby, which is at the edge of the early settlement. He walks through some grass that's taller than he is. And he doesn't notice a wild boar with long tusks peering at Dick with red eyes. He doesn't see the boar charging him from the reeds until too late. First picture, bottom row, Dick hears the sound behind him and whirls around in horror. He thinks he's a goner, but suddenly a knife streaks past Dick and sinks into the boar's brain as though fired by a gun. And the boar drops to the ground dead. Last picture, Dick looks up to see a tall stranger in frontier clothes. The stranger says, Hey, you got to keep your eyes open for razorbacks, lad. And other varmints, too. And Dick, marveling at the accurate throw, stares in awe at a curiously shaped blade and wonders if he is looking at a bowing knife. The stranger is James Bowie. Oh, you know who he is, then, do you? Oh, yes. That's right. He invented a very special knife. Like the one we see there in that last picture? Yes, and ever since then, that knife has been known as the Bowie knife. That's a good thing he does, because he saved Dick's life. And we'll find out more about it next week. But now look below Dick's adventures. There's Rusty Riley. Oh, yes. And Rusty had brought Stovepipe to the tent where the crook named Spex is playing a game of cards with Denver Dooley, the owner of the carnival. And Spex is cheating at things. That's right. And Stovepipe, who's watching the game from outside the tent, has sent Rusty to get a policeman. Yes, and I wonder what's going to happen. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Rusty hurries off to get the policeman as last picture top row Stovepipe watches the card game and sees the stakes go higher and higher. And then he hears Spex say, OK, Dooley, just to make it exciting, I'll raise you $10,000. Dooley looks at his hand and then says to himself, Well, I'm holding three kings and a pair of jacks. He can't possibly beat that. Dooley says, Well, I haven't got 10 grand more in cash, but I'll put up the carnival. All right? Yeah, all right, Dooley. First picture bottom row, Dooley shows his cards. Three kings and a pair of jacks. Beat that if you can, Necrow. Spex smiles cruelly and says, Sorry, Dooley, but you're looking at the new owner of the carnival. Take a gander at three aces and a pair of queens. Dooley stares in horror, realizing he's lost his carnival and all of his money to Spex. And then Stovepipe steps into the tent. One moment, friend Dooley. I fear this deplorable character has been a trifle dishonest. Spex rises from his chair, removing the purplish glasses. And listen, you antique fugitive from a barbershop. Nobody calls me a crook and gets away with it. I'll tear you apart. Stovepipe picks up the glasses. Obliging of you to take off your spectacles, here, hold them Denver, we'll need them. Last picture, Spex sees a Stovepipe by the throat. You asked for it, you nosy hammer. Now I'm going to... Suddenly Rusty and the policeman enter the tent in the policeman box. You're gonna what? You start any rough stuff and I'll run you in. Now suppose you, gents, tell me what's going on here. Yes, just in time to stop Spex from beating up on Stovepipe. Yes, and now just show that Spex was cheating. And it'll all be because Rusty noticed all of this in the first place. Yes, Rusty will be a hero. Well, now let's turn over the page. Go past Annie Rooney on page four, turn over page five, and there on page six is Flash Gordon. And you remember Moon? Yes, he was on his way back to Earth and was running short of fuel, so he had to land. And then he was captured by some people and they gave him some kind of stuff to put him to sleep, but it would still let him talk when they asked him questions so they could find out everything about him, but Flash doesn't know this. That's right, they gave him hypno serum and they found out everything about Flash while he was sleeping. She said that they must be careful that he didn't learn their secret. I wonder what their secret is. Let's read now and see if we can find out. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Let's set music for heroic flash. After his grilling under the influence of the truth serum, Flash wakens and finds himself on the sofa in the observatory. Dr. Stella tells him that she's very sorry she suspected him of being a space pirate and tells him that they shall be her guests until the next shuttle rocket arrives to ferry him back to Earth. As Flash leaves the laboratory to rejoin Dale and Zarkov, Stella whispers to her assistant, keep a close watch on him, Mark, it's just a hunch, but I think he suspects that we are the ones who are hijacking Earth's cargo rockets. Mark nods grimly. Well, perhaps a fatal accident may befall the young man before the shuttle rocket arrives. Last picture top row, alone with Dale and Zarkov, Flash waste no time on explanations. Listen, something's wrong here, but don't ask me any questions, just follow me. Somehow we must refuel our rocket and get away. First picture bottom row, Dale and Zarkov manage to solve the operation of the airlock, permitting Flash to emerge on the moon's surface, but they're not unobserved. By phone, Mark reports to Stella, Gordon is leaving the airlock, the time will soon be ripe for that little accident. Second picture bottom row, Dale, her heart pounding wildly, watches through a viewport, as Flash slithers through the powdery soil. Every step in the treacherous footing is a supreme effort to the Earthman, who's all too aware of the need for speed on his mission across the bleak moonscape into the perils of the unknown. On and on, Flash plods, and then suddenly he stops short last picture. Ahead of him is the very spot where a few short hours ago he landed his crippled rocket ship in a desperate search for fuel, but now the huge craft has vanished into empty space. I wonder too, this is very mysterious. And I'm so worried, do I? And he's planning for some accident to happen to Flash. I wonder what Flash? That's something we'll have to wait until next week to find out, but now that's all the time I have, but before I go, here is that nice fellow with some more interesting information. Well, honey, and all you boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, next week. Okay, that's a date, and a date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you, happy boys and honeys. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.