 It's never embarrassing to go for someone for a Muslim brother or sister, my dear brothers and sisters, and ask them for marriage, even sisters. I know there's a stigma on the sisters. For the boy it's okay for him to go and ask, do some research, get recommendations or express interest in getting married, but unfortunately there's a stigma on the sisters. Because if a sister expresses her interest that she wants to get married, immediately what happens? Other sisters, especially married women, put her down. Oh, are you suggesting that you're desperate? Astaghfirullah. What do you mean? Subhanallah, you're the married woman, you were in her shoes just a few years ago, and you were waiting for someone, or you were waiting for the opportunity. If a sister expresses her desire to get married and she thinks ready, it is a grave sin in the eyes of Allah, to judge her, to put her down, to discourage her, or to associate any sort of stigma with her. This is completely unacceptable. Allah says it's one of my signs, and one of the purest of God's creations, Lady Khadija A.S. She was the one who expressed her interest in Rasulullah A.S. If this was something to be looked down upon, something inappropriate in the eyes of God, the Prophet A.S. would have told her, Khadija, this is inappropriate. I'm a man of honor, and how dare you express your interest? I should express my interest. We have Rasulullah A.S. here as an example. In fact, the Holy Qur'an has verses addressing the Prophet A.S., telling him, Ya Rasulullah, if a believing woman comes expressing her desire to get married, be welcoming. Don't say no. I condemn this. What do you mean? You're a lady. You're supposed to sit home until somebody knocks at your door. This is a flawed understanding and mentality, my dear brothers and sisters. Therefore if someone comes to you, especially our dear sisters, if a sister comes to you and she's asking for advice, be encouraging. Do your best. Don't associate any stigma to that person. This is something unacceptable in the eyes of Allah, Subhanahu wa ta'ala. So the second method is to go and ask the elders of the community, experienced people, active people, well-connected people to give you some recommendations. I know many people who had successful marriages through this way. Now let's talk about the most important method our youth are experimenting today, my dear brothers and sisters. I will tell you today our youth what they're going through and why usually they get disappointed or they fall into a dangerous path. When the youth find some initial interest in one another, what normally happens? Normally you see, for example, the guy has an interest in one of the girls and they get to know each other very briefly. Then they exchange numbers. Then their intent is to get to know one another, to know each other's personality. And they start talking one week, two weeks, one month, three months, six months, one year. I've known some brothers and sisters, they've been talking for two years and they still have not made a decision whether they want to get married or not. Are you waiting for Jibra'il to come down and give you something? Two years, an entire year, and you know what ends up happening? After two years of talking to each other, one or two of them are so emotionally attached to one another that when one of them decides, you know what, this is not going to work out. I change my mind. My circumstances have changed. I want to leave this marriage or this commitment, not the marriage, but the idea of getting married to one another. And what happens to the other side? And usually it's the girl. She's broken. She's devastated. I've seen girls who are traumatized for years because of an experience like that. You don't need six months and a year, two years, my dear brothers and sisters, to really get to know someone. Even if you're talking to that person for a long time, you're trying to understand their personality. First of all, do you think they will really show you their personality? The minute I know somebody's interested in me, I become a professional actor. That's the human being. You think they're going to show their true colors? They show their true selves, their true character? Don't be naive. You cannot discover the true character of a person when they know you're interested in them and you're talking to them to get to know them. They will show you their good side, their rosy side. That's all you see. Because I've heard many brothers and sisters after they get married, they kind of get shocked and they come and they say, say it. My husband or my wife completely changed after marriage. They flipped 180 degrees. I say to the brother Habibi, calm down. Your spouse did not change suddenly after marriage. Your spouse is the same spouse. The problem, you were in love, you were asleep. Now you smelled the coffee and you woke up. That's what happened. Now you had the opportunity to see her real personality because after marriage, she stopped acting. She's now safe. She's married with you. There's no way right out of it really. So she showed you her true self. Yeah, but for one year I was talking to her. Yeah, and she was acting for one year. And you were acting too. And that's why the nice statement, there's a nice statement that says, love blinds you, but marriage is an eye opener. Once you get married, then you know, you know, there was one poor son. He was asking his father, he had heard about these crazy arranged marriages. So he asked his father, he told him, father, is it really true that in some parts of the world, the husband doesn't really know anything about his wife until after he gets married to her? He tells him, my dear son, that's not just in some parts of the world. It's everywhere. And it happened to me and your mom. I thought I knew your mom until after I married her. When I discovered I didn't know her. We're actors when we know someone's interested in us. It's not the safest way to talk to that person for a few months in order to know whether they have the appropriate qualities that you're looking for, my dear brothers and sisters. The way for you to know who has the appropriate qualities is to research and not be too influenced by feeling, by having feelings for one another. Before you have feelings for one another, you think someone might be good. Go and do the research. And the best place to do that research is friends. Reach out to their friends. If I'm a selfish person, my friends know. Maybe sometimes even my parents don't know, believe me. Because parents usually see their children positively. But my friends, they know. If I'm an angry person, if I'm a God fearing person, if I'm a kindhearted person, if I'm an easygoing person, my friends know these qualities. If you really want to know the character of this potential spouse, go to the friends. Now, maybe some of you might find it awkward for you to directly go to their friends. Have someone else. Let a friend go to their friends. Let your sister go and approach them and ask them. Give us an evaluation of your friend. Does he have these qualities? Is there any concerns? Now, I know some of the friends will say, but I'm not going to betray my friend if somebody asks me about him. I'm not going to reveal their faults. Islam says when it comes to marriage, never mislead anyone. It's a big sin to mislead anyone. Because people are basing lifelong decisions on your testimony. So don't say, no, it was my friend. I had to say good things about him or say good things about her. No, this is unacceptable in the eyes of God. If someone comes and you know they're not fooling around, they are really serious, they have pure intentions and they ask you, don't mislead them. If you don't think your friend has those good qualities, be honest. Either tell them what the problem is or just say, you know what? I'd rather not give my opinion, but don't mislead them. Revealing them is a grave sin in the eyes of Allah swt. And Islam is so sensitive about revealing the faults of others that it's a major sin to reveal and expose others except when someone is asking you for marriage advice. The hadith says that's an exception. Don't mislead someone, be honest with them. If there's really a major concern with your friend, don't tell them, yes, this would be a good opportunity and I approve of it and my friend is really a great person because then you will mislead them. If that marriage fails, Allah will hold you responsible on the day of judgment.