 Ladies and gentlemen, the Railroad Hour. And here comes our star-studded show train. Tonight, the Association of American Railroads presents the George Gershwin musical, Lady Be Good, starring Groucho Marx and your host, Gordon MacRae. Our choir is under the direction of Norman Luboff, and our music is arranged and conducted by Carmen Dragon. Yes, tonight, another great musical success is brought to you by the American Railroads, the same railroads that also bring you most of the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the fuel you burn, and all the other things you use in your daily life. And now here is Gordon MacRae. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. On stage tonight is that famous Gershwin hit, Lady Be Good. In the leading role of tonight's production, we are delighted to have the one and only Groucho Marx, who plays the role of T. Watterson Watkins, a lawyer of, shall we say, easy conscience. I'm Dick Trevor, a writer whose huge collection of rejection slips has finally gotten my sister Susie and me into a little tangle with the law. And it is charged that you, Richard Trevor and your sister Susan Trevor, did forcibly resist an officer when he attempted to dislodge you from your apartment for non-payment of rent. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty? I guess we're guilty, Your Honor. Guilty? I hereby sentence you to 90 days or $1,000 fine. $1,000? If we don't have $1,000, we couldn't even pay our rent. You won't have to worry about rent for the next 90 days. Next case. I'll make it cozy here, Dick. I'll put chintz on the windows to hide the bars, and your desk and typewriter can go... Out the window. Oh, Susie, I'm through with my typewriter and I'm through with that novel. I've had enough. Oh, Dick, you mustn't talk that way. It's a great book and you've got to finish it. Gee, Susie, you're a swell sister. You're a swell brother, Dick. And we'll be fine as long as we've got each other to hang on to. Trouble may hound us, shadows surround us. Never mind my dick. Downhearted when we get started. Just listen to brother while we've each other. Use of kidding ourselves, Susie, there's only one answer to my problem. Josie Chilchester. Josie Chilchester? Why, Dick, you can't. She's nothing but a man trap. Seven husbands. And $10 million. But in the first place, you're in love with Shirley. Who in the second place can't marry me because her family objects to my finances in the third place. Oh, no. I know what I'm going to do when I get out of here. You mean if. Where is that great lawyer of yours? I don't know. I think this was the morning he was getting Josie here to force. I'll bet that's what detained him. So he's Josie Chilchester's lawyer too. When there are women involved, he certainly gets around. Hey, look, I think that's Wattie coming now, down the corridor. It's him all right. He's the only man I know who walks side-saddle. Pardon me, are these the new offices of the Pyramid Club? Oh, there you are. Dick and Susie is my clients. I have an explanation. What are you doing in jail? That's what we'd like to know. We're trying to get you. We don't particularly like it here. You don't like it here. How do you think I like it? Think of my reputation. One second thought, better not think of it. Jailor opened the cell door immediately. Certainly, Mr. Watkins. Nice to see you again. Take it easy. This time I'm just visiting. There you are. Step right in, Mr. Watkins. Thank you, Jailor. By the way, do you smoke? Oh, yes, I do. I smoke very well. And while you're at it, you ought to get your brother out of this jail. My brother isn't in here. He isn't, eh? Well, I'm glad you're not your brother's keeper. Now, Dick, tell me exactly what happened. We've been thrown in jail. I see. This is a simple case of habeas corpus capistrano. What does that mean? Birds have landed in the coop. What are you going to do about it? Can't you find a loophole somewhere? If you find a loophole for a client, they put him in it. It was a hung jury. Waddy, how about getting us out of this? Well, what we need in a case like this is facts. What do you want to know? Where were you in the night of February 1st? What has that got to do with it? I don't know, but they always ask it. I miss the district attorney. And he doesn't know either. I'm going to get you out of here. All I need is a little time. How much time? How long you in for? About 30 days. That's about all I need. Waddy, I'm disappointed in you. You're not the man I thought you were. How did you find out? I'm not the man I thought I was either. But enough idle talk. How much was the fine? Maybe we can scrape it together between us. Oh, $1,000. That's quite a scrape. Let's see now. How much do you two have? $5.50. Okay, hand it over. Now between the three of us, we've got exactly $5.50. Well, that's a start, anyway. A start? What are you going to do? Wait right here, and I'll be back in a couple of hours. This dough is going to grow fast. $5.50 in the fourth, I'm bigger over. I don't know, it's over two hours, and Waddy's not back yet. Oh, you didn't really expect him. Say if we might just as well get a custom to jail. We're going to be in for a long, long time. Oh, Susie, we have stopped nagging. I just can't take it from you. Listen to my tale of war. It's terribly sad, but true. All dressed up, no place to go. Each evening, I'm awfully blue. I must win some, win some, miss. Can't go on like this. Blossom out, as understood. So big city. The stagger, but never far. Respawned, I'm going to- We're still in jail. Simply because we've had you to help us. Well, the fact is you're out of jail right now. Oh, yes, these bars in front of us say we're not. Who are you going to believe? Me or those crooked prison bars? Jayla, open the door and get my clients out of here. Be right there, Mr. Watkins. Waddy, you've actually done it. Oh, it was nothing rally. I used to go with Spencer Tracy, too, you know. I went out and won $1,000 just now. Did she say something? Oh. Well, no, not exactly $1,000. Well, if you didn't win $1,000, how much did you win? I lost $5.5. I don't understand, Waddy. How are we getting the money to get out of here? By a strange coincidence, the fine is being paid by another client of mine, Josie Chilchester. Josie? Incidentally, that female blue beard is throwing a party tonight in your honor. I'm staying right here in jail. That woman would do anything to get a man. Well, I'm going, and I hope I can think of some way to thank her. This kid's even more stupid than I think to you. Wait a minute, Dick. Do you mean to say you're going to go and leave your sister all alone in jail? Yes. What are you going to do about it? I'm going to get my brother over. In fact, I could send four of them over. There's no point in crying. Huh? What? Who said that? I did. Who's I? I mean, who's you? I mean, where are you? Right in the next cell. And my name's Fred. Oh, you have an awfully nice voice, Fred. Thank you. What are you in for? I was on my way home to Eastern Harbor from Mexico when I looked out of a freight car at the wrong time. Eastern Harbor? I used to have a lot of friends up there when Dick and I had money. No, no money, no friends. I'm your friend, and don't you forget it. All right, Miss Pepper, you can't stay any longer. Your fine's been paid, and you've got to get out. Oh, I can't even stay in jail. Come along, Miss Pepper. Oh, wait a minute. I have to say goodbye to my friend in the next cell. Hi. Oh, you're as nice-looking as you sounded. It's funny, but even though we've just met, I hate to say goodbye. I know what you mean. So do I. Just before you go, I'd like to know if maybe now and then you'll give a thought to me. Yes, I think I can. In fact, I plan to keep you in a corner of my memory. It won't be hard to think of you each day, afraid when you are far. A kiss before you go? No, I'm sorry. Just not the type. Wadi, what are you doing back here? I don't know exactly. It must be a misprint in the script. Anyway, I wanted to make sure you got out. I may be getting out of here later, Susie. How can I find you again? Well, if we're not here tomorrow, try the corner grocery store. I'll be hanging around the tomato. I hope we meet again. I'm just a bum. So I have no idea how many new freight cars have been put in service by the railroads since the end of the war. Well, the fact of the matter is that there are more than 240,000 of these new and improved freight cars now in use. By buying and building these new cars, the railroads are once more expressing their desire and determination to keep on improving their service and increasing their efficiency. And they're doing more. For the railroads are saying, and saying to the tune of a billion dollars in new cars alone, that they have faith in the future, not only the future of the country, but also the future of the railroads, which are its indispensable servants. And now back to Groucho Marx and Lady Be Good and your host, Gordon Macrae. Reginald? Yes, Mr. Jeter. This is a very special party tonight, and I want you to be sure that no glass remains empty. And that... Something's moving under that hedge. The grounds have just been exterminated, man. It can't be any form of low animal. Don't be too sure. Anyway, would you mind closing your trap? Oh, Wadi, what are you doing under that bush? Just got my ear to the ground, Josie, and let me tell you, it's pretty dirty. Will you kindly tell me why you're hiding down there in the dark? Certainly, it's much easier to hide in the dark. Yes, but why were you hiding? I'm hiding from a Mexican client by the name of Estrada. He's hot-headed and he's the next bullfighter. Why is he angry? Claims I gave him a bum stare. But enough talk about cattle. Let's talk about us. Or is that the same thing? Your eyes shine like the pants of a blue-seed suit. And I love you. Oh, you're not after me. You're after my money. I'm after both of them, but at the moment your money is away out in front. And that goes for you, too. Oh, sweet and lovely, Josie, be good. Oh, Josie, be good to me. I'll put an end to your widowhood. So, Josie, be good to me. It's like taking me and been crossing and saying, Lift you out two lips together. Now, you can keep your heart. I'll just take the leftovers. Being so flippant. Now, tell me, did you free- Of course I freed him. He'll be here any minute. But how can you think of other men when I stand before you? Josie, I think you're beautiful. And when I think you're beautiful, I'm still thinking of your money. Marry me and make me the happiest man in the 90% tax bracket. You could be a capital gain. You could jump to another network. You could jump any place you want as far as... Yeah, I am. Backward Tracy again. I bought the apartment house he lives in, and I had him thrown out. You see, if Dick has no place to live and no money, then perhaps he'll start seeing my charm. Josie, you're a woman of many sides and bulging out on all of them. Listen to her at the mating call of the Bank of America. What were you and Josie talking about out there in the garden? You know exactly what we were talking about. Susie, and it's all settled. My mind's made up. Oh, no, it's not made up. It's lost. How can we argue with that going on? Every place I go, I hear it. No, I can't get it out of my head either. Well, we won't be able to argue sensibly until we get it out of our systems. Out of mess you're making, the neighbors want to know why I'm always shaking just like a fiver. Each morning I get up with the sun to find at night no work has been done. Won't you take a day off, decide to run along somewhere far away off and make it snappy? Oh, how I long... Won't you stop thinking about what we should do if we shake it? Each morning I get up with the sun to find at night no work has been done. Won't you take a day off, decide to run along somewhere far away off and make it snappy? Oh, how I long... Won't you stop thinking about what we should do if we shake it? Anyway, Dick, we can go on with our argument. I think you're... Josie, you're just wasting your breath. But if you marry that horse face, you'll be throwing away everything you've been working for. You'll be miserable. Well, I'd rather be miserable with 10 million than without it. And that's final. And you'll hate yourself for doing it. You wild and petuous, hot-headed fool. But I'd love you so. Susie, I didn't know you cared. Oh, why? Here I am, Sus. I wish I knew what to do if I only could get some advice. Advice? Well, I am only too glad to give you advice. Dr. Gillespie is here to help you. What seems to be the problem, my dear? Oh, Dick insists on getting married. Stop on the jaw. What's that? I insist on getting married. Married, eh? This is serious. Who does he insist on marrying? That woman. A woman, eh? This is more serious than I thought. What a married Josie. He'd have to stoop pretty low. He would, eh? Well, right now you're looking at the Hunchback of Beverly Hills. Oh, you're impossible. I'm going. And your Watkins. Did I hear some calling, Lobby? Ladies and Seniors Watkins, you agreed to collect the money for my sister from the estate of her late husband, Senor Fred Robinson. Hope that doesn't go off, eh? Well, where is it? Answer me that one big question. If I answer it, do I get a reprigerator? Senor, I do not like the way you are acting. Frankly, I'm not wild about it myself, but it's a living. I ask you once more, when we get this money. Well, the Robinson estate won't part with the scent until they see your sister alive. Oh, well, my sister cannot leave Mexico. No? Because of some fool lawyer, she'd get five years in jail. You've got ten years, this guy'd be in hysterics. You know what I laugh at? No. This lawyer... Do you know what you laugh at? Why, sure. This... Let's go out in there. Senor Watkins, you make fun, but... Not very much, no. Listen. Get on with your sister, will you? This lawyer who let my sister go to jail, he wind up in the soup, become notch 17 and my gone. From soup to notch, eh? Well, everyone has his own taste. I am beginning to get mad. And when I start to get mad, I become well-bored. I want that money. What do you got to say? Answer me now, face to face. Have you looked at your compact lately? Anyway, I don't know what you're all excited about. You'll get your money. Just remember about my fee. You will get yours all right. I don't like the way you said that. You're talking about the $100,000. All right, I'll give you one more chance. But remember when a man sells his strata a horse and a horse goes lame, I do not shoot the horse. No, you shoot the bull. You have fair warning. When as notches, senor... I can't get his mind off notches. He's just notch happy, that's all. Let me get my ad-lib in before we talk. What did that horrible man want? Nothing, just my dead body. Say, Susie, looking at you and those dark blue eyes gives me an idea. Well, you can forget about that idea. No, this is something else, Susie. Is there any reason why you can't pose as a Mexican female? What? Look, for just a few minutes simple work, we'll split $100,000, 50-50, $20,000 for you and $80,000 for me. Here comes an old box car with flat wheels. Wadi, do you really think I can impersonate a Mexican? Why don't you take off your coat and see if you feel chilly? Senorita, we leave for Maine tomorrow and you better practice up in the Steinsong. Just a minute, what's going on here? Susie, just what it is that you're gonna do? None of your business. Anyway, who are you to talk after all this? Listen, Susie, I'm glad I'm marrying Josie. She's promised to turn over a new leaf. A new leaf? She's big enough to turn over a new house. She's certainly wearing the foundation. There's that music again. Why is it they play that tune every time we're having a good fight? Six hours of rehearsal and he still doesn't know why they play it. Well, if he doesn't want to sing, I'll sing. Fascinating rhythm, you got me on the go. Fascinating rhythm, I'm all a quiver. Won't you take a day off? Decide to run along somewhere far away off and make it snappy. Oh, how he longs to be the man he thinks that he used to be. Well, we were talking about the new freight cars on the railroads. 240,000 of them since the end of the war. That's enough to make a train stretching from Chicago to New York and back again. But underlying it all, there is the continuing need for investment in new and improved railroad plant and equipment. Such investment, for example, has the billion dollars which the railroads are putting into new freight cars. Throughout our show train will return in just a moment after a brief pause for station identification. You're listening to Same Time, Same Station, the best of old time radio. And I'm your host, Jerry Hendigas. And now back to Groucho Marx and Lady Be Good and your host, Gordon MacRae. Welly dicky boy driving all the way up to Maine out of season is such a bore. But I have to find my sister Susie. Somebody heard her say she was coming here to the Eastern Harbor Hotel. Well, I'll expect you to meet me back in the lobby promptly at 7. I'll see you later, dicky boy. Yes, sir. Ten million dollars. I got to keep saying that over to myself. Ten million dollars, ten million dollars. Turning your pocket money already, dick? Surely. Surely I've been wanting to see you to talk to you, but I didn't know where you were. I came up here after I read about your engagement. Surely it was the only thing I could do Susie and I were thrown out of the apartment. We owed everybody in town and your family... There's no reason for long explanations. I plan to get engaged, too. I just haven't decided which man yet. Oh, surely, not you. Of course me. You can't possibly care. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Oh, if you only knew. I've got the you don't know that trouble is you have so many from whom to choose. You should marry. I wish you'd drop it. She has been playing hard to get. I'm just a duffer. Suffer. All the younger set says your heart's too late. Nervous all rigged up this way. I've got goose pimples. That's just ducky. Now to find the trustee of the Robinson Estate Rupers Park. Wait, I think that's him over there. I'll stay here. Pardon me, are you Rupers Park? I am. I thought I'd recognize you. You look just like your brother, Central Park. Yes, there's a strong family resemblance around the zoo. Who are you? T. Waddison Watkins. Here after a long arduous trip from Mexico with a little widow of the late Fred Robinson. So I'll let you and I pull up a fiduciary and sit down. Good. I'm most anxious to get his estate of $4 billion settled. The poor boy died not knowing he was an heir. You've brought all the papers and et cetera with you? Yes, I have. Here are the papers and the et cetera is standing right over there. My? Isn't she beautiful? Is she from Norfolk, Mexico? No, she's from Central Casting. Oh, Conchica. A thief in your Watkins. A modem in front of my medics. Can plotty snoggin'? Uh, senior Rufus Parkes. You must look at me as your friend and protector. I, uh, don't speak Spanish, but I can do the Mexican hat dance. All right, Rufus, push your eyeballs back in and let's get down to business. Here are the papers. I'll show you real Spanish. Here are the papers. Papers to you. Oh, papers. According to this paper here, Joy Girl is ready to go with Santa Anita if it snows. Mr. Watkins. That must be the wrong paper. Now that I think of it, it's the wrong horse, too. The party of the first part has hereby declared that any of the four are going up with standing. The party of the second part is... Just a minute. I'm confused. Glad to meet you confused. I'm Watkins. Now, the party of the second part has hereby declared that the party of the third part during which there is a brief pause for station identification and is not responsible for personal property unless checked by the management. The management can make this statement. Mr. Watkins, is all this necessary? A good deal of it is, don't forget. This is a 45-minute program. To do is look at her eyes. There's no question in my mind about the lady. Senator, if you'll just step into my private office. Hold on, Park. That's an old device. I used to use it myself. You wait here, Susie, and I'll go in. And if I'm not out in 30 minutes, send for Jack Armstrong. Be all in, Eric! I'm counting the minutes till I get out of here. Susie! Oh, Susie, what are you doing up here in that Mexican outfit? Well, I might as well tell you, Fred. I'm a widow. A what? I'm a widow, and I'm Mexican. I'm here to collect the money from this state of my late husband. He was an American named Fred Robinson. Fred who? Robinson, Fred Robinson. Well, here are the papers, all signed. Susie, let's take it on the lamb. No, let's take the train. Lamb is 65 cents a pound. Well, little lady, you've come into your rightful inheritance. Fred. Fred Robinson. Hello, Mr. Park. As you can see, I'm still alive. This is some plot, isn't it? Even I can figure this out. Well, what a day, Fred Robinson. Pardon me while I grab a fast boat to China. Susie, darling, aren't you going to kiss your long-lost husband? But, Fred, what about the real conchita? Oh, there isn't any real one. Estrada's the biggest crook in Mexico. He framed this whole thing, including reporting me dead. But if you'll come over here, I'll show you that I'm very much alive. Oh, he's alive. Susie, what's going on here? Oh, Dick, I'm going to be married. I'm going to marry Fred, and we'll all be able to get along fine. So you don't have to marry Josie. Gosh, I don't know what to say. What'll I tell Josie? Did I hear that? Yes, Josie, you did. I can't marry you. You can't marry me. What do I must say? This is most embarrassing. I demand to know why. Just a minute. Is this his lawyer? I'll have to answer that. But you're my lawyer. Well, it's your lawyer. I accept his lawyer's explanation. Do to interfere this way. Every right, Josie. This thing is bigger than both of us. And so are you. Josie, don't let your money come in front of us. Marry me and I'll put it in back of me. That goes for you, too. What to say? Eleven years at the hatchery pee and she doesn't know what to say. Just say yes and then picture the two of us in a little vine-covered cottage with vines all around the door and little pigs in the yard. Pigs? Is that what we're going to have? I would start with pigs. And next year, who knows? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Oh, sweet and lovely, lady be good. Oh, lady be good. Just a moment. Meanwhile, this is your host, Gordon Maccray, giving a big vote of thanks to our excellent supporting cast, John Beale, Hope Emerson, Marion Colby, Alan Reed, Barbara Eiler, Eddie Fields, and Ken Harvey for their fine performances in Lady Be Good, by Guy Bolton and Fred Thompson with lyrics by Ira Gershwin and music by George Gershwin, which was adapted for radio by Ed Tyler and Don Etlinger. And now before we close, Groucho, I just can't tell you how much we all enjoyed your performance tonight. You can, eh? Mm-mm. Well, we got a pretty strict sense on our program, too. Frankly, though, Gordon, I've enjoyed being here and I want to say that I certainly admire your courage. Marry my courage? What do you mean? Well, on my show, I only have to sell those little algae in American compacts and cigarette cases. But imagine having to go out and sell railroads. Tell me, are many people buying railroads these days? No, Groucho, I don't have to sell railroads. All they make me do is use my voice. Your voice, eh? Now I know where I've heard it before. Between programs, eh, they've got you calling trains at the Union Station. Incidentally, Gordon, who's your guest next week? Rainer Kosets, Groucho, and several of the stage casts in the first air performance of Song of Norway. Sounds like a swell show and I'll be listening. Good night, Gordon. Good night, Groucho. And I'll be listening to your regular show on Wednesday nights over this very same network. Well, it looks us all ready to pull out and so until next week, goodbye. Lady Begood has been presented by Special Arrangement with the Tams Whitmark Music Library. Gordon Macrae appeared by arrangement with Warner Brothers. This is Marvin Miller speaking. The railroad hour is brought to you each week at this time by 132 railroads of the United States. All of them work together through the Association of American Railroads for the improvement of all railroading and for better service to you. There goes our show train, but don't forget it'll be back next week with Song of Norway. And here's Carmen Dragon and the orchestra to play one of the hits from that operator. This is Jerry Hendegas saying, Stay tuned. More great old radio classics coming right up.