 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2019 of Orlando, Florida Our next speaker is a returning alumni speaker to the 21 convention speaking formerly in 2018 and earlier this year Our special patriarch edition. He's also a frequent panelist on the red man group patriarchs edition hosted by hunter drew He's also been a well-known and big in the fraternity of excellence also with hunter drew You can also find him at texasdom.com Personally, I think this guy's also a fucking badass So without further ado, but let me walk help me welcome the stage the whitest white boy in the man's fear, Texas dumb Okay, this thing on Excellent. Thank you, Anthony. Thank you 21 attendees for letting me be here It's not often that a man can Have his mission that he's developed and then to find an organization that has a very similar mission that I can be a Part of and it's a big honor to be part of 21 it's it's It's one of the best parts of my mission right now, and I'm really digging the heck out of it So what is my mission? My mission has been all along to try to save drowning men throw ropes right throw life preservers that kind of thing I align myself with other men that that feel the same way Once you get out of here, you've had some education this week And you've got some motivation and it's up to you to do the same throw some ropes for drowning In your area, but you know what we're going to talk about Your best sex ever right who don't like talking about sex We spend time talking about working out health eating right we spend time talking about Wealth making money that kind of thing but how often Do you talk about sex? Like fantasies and things like that to your buddies. I'm betting not very often, right? Because they don't think I'm weird better shut up about that right so Everything I say today Keeping these three words in mind safe sane and consensual in the era of me too You have to make sure whoever you're playing with or whoever you're having sex with these days is consenting right can bite you in The rear end so that's one thing to keep in mind as we progress My question to oh, excuse me, I promise somebody I do this if nudity tasteful nudity talk of sex Absolutely drives you nuts and you don't want to be here the doors are back there So I think you kind of have an idea what I do. Maybe maybe not so my question is are you having the best sex of your life? And if not why not? Because you should be like most of you guys are a whole lot younger than me But even guys my age we still should be having the best sex of our lives It gets better and better and better as we go along So I'm gonna present to you a bit of an alternative reality for some of you for me. It's it's my reality It's it's my frame and I'm extremely comfortable with it I'm comfortable talking about it because it has done so much for my life This may or may not work for you and that's fine But knowing about it and maybe being a little bit Possibly more sympathetic if you have friends that are talking about this kind of stuff You'll have a little bit more education for yourself So here's a key right Anybody can fuck Okay, anybody can stick it in and come Seriously, that ain't that hard The thing is is that we want sexual experiences that make us feel something make us feel alive Make us feel joy make us feel love make us feel part of something special because it's a special act I was raised in a Christian household where sex was taboo. We didn't talk about sex Apparently my parents had sex at least three times to my knowledge because we got two sisters, right? so We didn't talk about anything and it was dirty and it was nasty and we weren't supposed to it was like Screwed me up Right, my sister's same way I mean, it's just and there's a lot of men in this room that have been raised in that same household and you know what I'm talking about When you combine masculine energies and feminine energies together Sparks sparks of attraction. We heard some talks this morning from Pat talking about the same thing We heard some other talks today that I'm going to incorporate as we go along This is magic when this thing when I'm following firing on all my cylinders And she's firing on all her cylinders and we combine it's like two poles of a magnet and yanks together tight This is the ultimate goal for a man and woman is to be themselves and express that energy Now I live and my wife and I live in a dominant submissive lifestyle And that's kind of part of the whole BDSM world, but it's not all about sex even though my talk is mostly about sex Basically DS 101 I lead she follows I'm in charge She welcomes not having to make decisions. She welcomes Being free to be who she wants to be she can express her femininity and not have to worry about Having to do the masculine stuff too. She doesn't want to do that It's what we talked about you heard Stefan earlier talking about, you know Women are at the point where they're depressed because they can't be who they want to be who they really should be because they've been told not to be so Head of household right that should sound like a pretty mild-mannered idea Your grandparents, maybe your great-grandparents some of you guys that were younger Grandpa led grandma followed right. This is the way it was So we shouldn't even happen to have this talk right now But this is the lifestyle that my girl and I have chosen to follow You know, we get focused on the sex Because it's sexy 50 shades of gray came out Number one selling paperback book of all time the fastest selling I mean people are interested in this stuff and apparently there's a whole hell of a lot of women That are fantasizing about this kind of thing And if you can tap into some of that if some of this resonates with you And you can tap into just a little bit of that You're gonna have an edge in your game the game that you're playing out there So it's kind of like why bother because we were headed for divorce We were not gonna make it 20-something years of marriage and it was going down the shitter We were constantly butting heads because I'm dominant as hell I didn't even realize what a dominant was and I was just it's just who I am And she had trust issues and I dropped the ball a few times over the years And so she was trying to pick up the ball and run with it and trying to do all those things And It doesn't work miserable miserable roommates at that point, right So she brought this idea to me after I guess she was on I saw a Christian women's submissive It was a tv show that had like five episodes before they yanked it off of it It was like one of those little minor tv cable channels and they yanked it But she spark of curiosity hit her and so she got into the Internet as we all do and she started looking it up and realized and she came to me and said I think I'm a submissive I think this might be the way I can be happy and you can be happy And I just agreed instantly I had no idea what I was agreeing to I'm like oh hell yeah something different please right anything because I didn't want to get divorced I love her Right she's still I lust after her even during all the all the rougher times so You'll see people in this lifestyle that go by Assume names because there's still a social stigma here People have watched 50 shades or they just think that I'm beating the hell out of my wife and it's abuse And it's really not so it's nothing of the sort It's nothing it's consensual play and having fun together rocks her world rocks my world We'll talk about that a little bit more in a minute But you you just have to if you're in this lifestyle, you know what I'm talking about And by the way, there's at least four or five Dominant men in this room that live this lifestyle right now. You just don't know it You haven't talked to them about it yet But it's the freedom for both of us to be who we are And I think that's the goal in life we talked about this morning We talked about Authoring your own story right telling your own tale living your own life living in your own frame And the cool thing about this is My girl came to me and said hey, sir, I want to live in your frame Wow, right most most of you are trying to get your girl to live in your frame and she's asking me to have such rock solid Frame That I'm gonna protect her and provide for her I'm gonna meet her needs And in return she's gonna meet mine because I have needs to you have needs to and so when two people are actively working Really hard to meet each other's needs. I mean, it's just amazing. It can be something magical Again, it's an alternate lifestyle Right, but I don't talk to my kids about it. Well, my son knows now But I mean it's not the kind of thing you go talk to your neighbors about It's not the kind of thing you tell your 85 year old mom You know, you don't advertise your website at the family outings but The feeling of power when you come home This is not my wife Although close The feeling you have when you come home From a trip or whatever and she knows the timing of when you're coming home and she's waiting by the door Perhaps posed like this But she's waiting with this love and this desire And this passion in her eyes and if you've ever had a woman that truly truly lusted for you There's nothing greater because it's it's just the sparks continue to fly and fly and fly So the real basics. I know you've gotten pillared to death today Between everybody that's has their pillars. Well, by god, I got my pillars and I like them more so The biggest ones are trust, you know, it's It's hard to trust somebody when they've been screwing up You might have been married for 20 years and you dropped the ball. I don't know about 500 times so far So, you know, this lifestyle requires trust Requires honesty So you've got to be able to hand your wife or your girlfriend or your ltr Well, you got to be able to give her your cell phone and walk away for four hours and not worry about a goddamn thing She finds on that phone and if you can't You're not the man you need to be you shouldn't be in that relationship Or you need to check yourself and figure out what you're doing wrong So that and I'm getting I give my girl my phone if she needs to make a call or something hers isn't nearby Do I grab it back instantly? No, does she go through it and scroll through it? No, because she trusts me She knows what I'm all about and she's happy to be a part of my world Respect and love they go hand in hand women absolutely need to be loved. They need to feel love. They need to Rebel in that it's what rocks their world I'm not saying men don't want to be loved because we do But men want to be respected I want I want the men in this room to respect me. I want my brothers in foe to respect me I want my next door neighbor to respect me, but mostly I want my girl to respect me It's hugely important to me and if I don't feel respect Things don't go well Um, there's a certain level of vulnerability You know the sides might be a little difficult to see from the back But you got to make yourself vulnerable if you're going to get into something like this because you're talking about Fantasies you're communicating desires and you're you're talking about things that work for you and make it work And so you got to open yourself up And that's that's scary sometimes to talk about things that might be a little out there And so you make yourself vulnerable, but the real key to all this thing is communication there at the bottom I have seen a ton of relationships Screw up. I've seen people go get divorced I've seen boyfriend and girlfriend break up I've seen these over the years and at the heart of damn near every one of them It's communication. You're just not talking, right? She's got this attitude. Uh, well if he really loved me He would do this this and this and this How's he supposed to know that you're not a goddamn mind reader. You don't know how this stuff works You know, she's expecting you to read her mind and boy, I tell you what we're we're guilty of that ship, too Right, we don't tell her what we really want We just expect her to figure it out. It's not fair for either person So, you know, one of the things that that we incorporated a number of years ago Is that in the morning we have our coffee We sit down have a little downtime and we talk about how the relationship is doing Right a couple times a week at least especially if i'm home, maybe even more often The idea is we're not talking about a car repair I'm not talking about a busted water pipe at the house. I'm not talking about something at work We're talking about us, right because if you're not talking about how you're doing You're not going to get a pulse on the relationship and then by the time you figure out something's going wrong You've already gone driven right over the cliff Right, so at the end of the day when things aren't working well in my house I go look in the mirror Am I not being dominant enough that I take my foot off the gas? Am I not doing something that she needs So that she can be her best I take full blame when shit goes sideways Okay, and I think that's if you're gonna if she's living in my frame and things go sideways It's my fault at the end of the day. She's always had all my answers I just have to ask the right questions and I got to shut the fuck up and listen Right no recriminations. Tell me it's it's It's a set deal. You can tell me anything you want. I won't hold it against you But let me know what's happening Tell me what you want Jack Murphy our friend turned me on to this book. This is uh, britain by a guy named Justin laymiller He's out of the kenzie institute Which is kind of like a sexual think tank out in the midway midwest is not the place you would think for a sexual think tank But that's where they are But they are a extremely well-known organization that they have been Working with couples and trying to figure things out for the united states in on different types of issues What Justin did is he he went out on the internet recruited through social media 4175 participants in a study The results are pretty cool Out of that 50 50 of those men and women so it broke down right easily But if you're recruiting out of social media, you're going to get a younger demographic probably so the median age was 32 I think the median age in the us is 38 so a little bit younger You're probably a little bit more on the effluent side because you have a device that can connect to the internet Okay, i'm thinking those demographics fit this room pretty damn good. It was 18 on up to 70 something so This this is this is our demographic right here. So you may hear a couple of things today I want you to just ask i'm not asking to tell me. I don't want to know If something really really resonates with you Write it down or just put it in the back of your head because you're going to find His questions 390 369 questions And there were a lot of essay stuff and it basically was all about what are your fantasies america? What do you dream about what do you get off of on right when you're maybe you got the guy Girls got the guy on top and she's thinking about something else. It may be one of these things Let's explore that a little bit. It broke down into uh six big categories And they're they're ranked from the top percentages of fantasies Multi-partner sex which is basically gangbanks male female male female male, you know threesome kind of stuff Power and control it's going to be kind of the btsm world novelty and adventure doing things in different places Maybe being at the beach maybe being in the backyard hoping that the neighbors can see through the fence You know Having sex and in places you you don't want to be swinging sharing polyamory, you know non monogamous couples Basically agreeing to have boyfriends and girlfriends or perhaps both depending on how that works Then the other one was intimacy romance and passion We're going to talk about that in greater detail because People fantasize about intimacy. They fantasize. I got the numbers man I'm not just pulling this out of my back pocket. I've scientific data This book is full of nothing but scientific data And uh percentages and all that i'm not going to bore you with all that although I could But as we go along i'm going to focus on this one because I found it to be Pretty pretty uh pretty sharp 75 of the respondees fantasize about some form of bondage Maybe i'm not so weird after all right. That's what i'm thinking when i'm reading this thing Um over 50 fantasize about discipline in the bedroom dominance and submission uh more women a little bit more on on the submission a little bit more The men were a little over 50 and then there were still not quite 50 but still a lot of folks that Men that uh fantasize about giving pain sadism women that fantasize about receiving pain Rocks her world masochism right a little more on the masochism than the sadism But this kind of a picture here totally just rocks my world I mean this is this is fun stuff rote play tying them up that kind of thing Again, this is trust Because she knows she's incapacitated immobilized. She trusts me that i'm not going to step over the line Because you can't you have to agree on On what you're going to do in this world again. I'm not telling you to live this lifestyle I'm not i'm saying it's an alternate universe. That's a hell of a lot of fun to explore Girl in a st. Andrews cross waiting to have her butt spanked Flogged whipped whatever the case may be Over 75 of the women in this survey fantasized about this I bet you didn't think that Not a chance right i'm telling you 50 shades It's it's it's a it's a as they say it's poorly written book or whatever. I don't care. It's a book The main character guy is kind of screwed up in the head right you saw the movie maybe But at the end of the day it brought it mainstream It made it okay and millions and millions and millions of women bought this book I tell you what I actually read the book My ipad so nobody would know right What are you reading nothing um I'm telling you right no one wants to be admit that if you're a guy you're not reading that crap. It's chick porn but What we found with this was that My wife and I were going through tough times at that point And I'm we're both thinking divorces come we hadn't really quite said it yet but we both do deep down inside it wasn't working and She asked me what are you reading? I said 50 shades of gray She says I can't believe you're reading that trash She doesn't admit to that anymore, but um She says that conversation didn't happen. I'm here to tell you it did happen right And my thing was millions of women are jerking off reading this book. I want to know why I'm fixing to be back out in the game again I want to know what this is all about Right, and so it was a good read for that reason alone. I got about halfway through and I got what I needed to get out of it but um A lot of people are rocking off on this 75 So segment Freud talks a lot in his writings over the many many years ago About sexual repression keeping your desires and your fantasies Hidden from the world because you're embarrassed Right or your words someone's going to say something bad about you this that and the other But the bottom line is that leads to depression Again, you're not you're not writing your own story. You're not telling your own tale You're not being true to what you're feeling inside. So you repress that shit And then eventually you're depressed You know you're trying to have sex and you're thinking about other things and you're feeling guilty about it Or you were raising a real religious household where sex was a dirty word and you know, I'm a christian Do two ways about it I don't share my wife with anybody. She's my greatest possession I own her and she freely admits that I'm your slave basically we play slaves sometimes sometimes that's just play but She admits it to the world. I belong to sir. Tex I'm his and that with that comes huge great responsibilities This is a A difficult lifestyle for a man to lead It is hard This is not The biggest problem I've seen with other couples that get into this Is the husband thinks man i'm getting blowjobs anytime I want life's good. All right, let's do this The sex is going to be great and it is right But he doesn't take care of business on all the other stuff And eventually she gets frustrated because he's not doing what he's supposed to do what they agreed to do to start with And now they're just not doing it anymore And and guess what? It gets very frustrating for all because they got used to it and when it was good It was amazing My wife and I burned our ships We're never turning back if one of us can't do this or doesn't want to do this anymore We'll have a long hard discussion But it wouldn't surprise me if I couldn't if I couldn't do the dom thing. She she might have to move on She's addicted to it. So am I there's a lot of good things here Um, that's the other thing we've been married 30 years, right? I don't want anybody else. I just want her she just wants me at least that's what she says Uh, you never know, right? I heard me doesn't care. Is that the line? I don't know The door swings both ways I expect her to be on her game all the time sure you get sick Sure, something goes wrong. You can't do the things maybe all the little things that you want to do But you I expect her to have the respectful attitude at all times She expects me to do my job either one of us is welcome to walk out the door at any time and we acknowledge that And so be by acknowledging that it helps us be stronger And what we do we both want to be here and that's that's what the secret to this whole thing is Ken talked about shame this morning a little bit way better than I ever will But I know that people carry sexual shame around with them. They might have done something in the past. They regret it They might they were experimenting, you know, I went one time at band camp, right? Maybe some homosexual experience or something I mean, you're you're not a bad person just because you don't want to do that now It's just one thing that might have happened to you when you're a kid or something Or you know sexual abuse runs rampant in this in this world and you know, maybe you're carrying shame around there It's the number one thing That if you don't hear anything else this week and you're carrying some form of shame around with you Like an anchor around your neck Leave it here fill the anchor in the pool on your way out of town Okay, it's time to be done with any kind of shame like this Like ken said guilt's okay a little bit of guilt here and there a little embarrassment Oh, hey, you know forgot I was half asleep and I walked outside Naked, you know, out the hotel room door naked and the door closed behind me. Yeah, I'm embarrassed Jesus, what am I going to cover up with, you know But that that's a little bit of that is good He keeps us all from going down to the coffee shop naked in the morning that kind of thing But um, the shame's not get rid of it. Let it go And it's easier to say that but you just got to forgive yourself Whatever you're carrying around with you that that's still fucking with you It's enough now if you can't do it on your own go find a psychotherapist There are great ones out there, right? There's great ones out there. Yeah, it's predominantly a female environment That's for damn sure But there's guys like ken and shone smith and those guys that are men friendly I got a friend adam up in minnesota Who's a a guy as well friendly friendly psychotherapist that can help you deal with some of these issues So Almost six decades on the planet. I'm 58 like my good friend ken back there And I have learned a few things couple just one or two Your woman wants to be your total focus When you come home, you've got things to do this that and the other but when you are with her She don't want your phone going off. You don't want her phone going off She wants to know that you that she is what you desire She wants you to make her feel beautiful and I'm not saying Tell her oh, you're so pretty. Oh, you're so pretty that kind of crap, right? You can tell her that every now and then it's not a bad thing Uh, tell her that in the bedroom when you're fucking her how beautiful she is You should be she should be talking your ass off in the bedroom You should be running the verbal dialogue that rocks her frickin world and it's tough at first if you've never done it before Um, I got I turned on this trick a number of years ago And I was literally practicing in the car driving because I I was sucked at it. I was terrible I'm like silent man just going in there and getting business done And um, I learned you got to talk a man because they got you know, they got the other pussy between the ears and That's what rocks their world. That's what gets them off. I love the blindfold my girl, right? She can't see anything especially if I'm screwing up and dropping something or can't find something, right? But she doesn't know what's coming next, but she trusts that it's going to be good And you know after pulling ten orgasms out of her in 30 minutes. She's pretty damn happy. She can't walk. She's a puddle of goo you know and She definitely likes that And speaking to that while i'm on the subject After you're done, you know, you put blankets around her and cuddle her and and be there with her You know, let her come back down to earth because she's flying at that point. You have this thing called subspace look into that I won't go into the whole thing, but it's all about pleasure pain pleasure pain releasing endorphins And they sail like they're on freaking heroin And they and it's all natural and once they've had it happen to them one time They want it more and more and more and more which is great when your wife wants to get in the bedroom a lot It's a good problem for us, right? They want to be ravished They want your power They want to feel powerless under your weight. You know, you said this thing. I'm a big man My wife's a little girl. I'm thinking of myself a little girl. She's a year older than I am but looks 15 years younger But she's a tiny little thing and I'm thinking to myself as I was a young man thinking. Oh my god, I don't want to break her I don't want to smush her I'm on top of her. Oh, she's You're thinking too much She's a baby that came out of her crotch, right her hip spread. You're not going to hurt her You're not going to crush her. You're not going to damage your girl She's tough. Trust me Getting to that of the category of intimacy and Passion you need to turn in my head here This category was was was super interesting because out of all the essay questions these words came up that were Really important over and over and over again passion love desire intimacy Romance and lust This is men and women. This is not just women, right? What is it about this you get this emotional fulfillment? I mean you get this coupling and talk about uniting souls and all that crap whatever, but it's It's a pretty pretty damn awesome everybody wants to belong everybody wants to be part of something greater I want to be a part of the guys in this room. I'm something greater when I'm here with you, right? And when I'm in a solid relationship Where both of us are kicking ass, I'm part of something bigger than me. It's great My family I mean part of a family that's bigger than just me alone There's this need to belong we all have it and it's bonding that everybody needs I mean this was the sixth most popular fantasy in this survey intimacy who would have thought that right people are People are thirsty for this kind of stuff. They're not getting they're not tender, right? Oh god bless I don't know how the hell you guys date these days. I don't get it swipe swipe swipe Better have some good pictures, right because that's all you get one chance on that deal, but People are swiping and swiping and swiping looking for this Not sure they're gonna find that on a dating app You know swipe a lot apparently They do swipe a lot, right sleep a lot fuck a lot diseases the whole nine yards, right? It's it's there So I get this ask this a lot You know where I start I really I really want to talk to my my girl about this kind of thing I really don't know what to do. I've really been thinking about this a lot You know texts and you know, what do I do? How do I start this stuff? We were talking about things like like first of all takes take things very slow And we rush right in there You know what you just get off the plane and come home and say baby. I want to tie you up You know, that's probably not the time to do it, right? Find the right mood find the right moment glass of wine out to dinner Everybody's starting to feel it eyes dilate cheeks flush lips get fuller or that camouflage. I'm not sure As we talked about earlier But at the end of the day get her in the mood where you're having fun and you're talking about stuff And then you can start talking if you're not talking about sex to your to your wife or your girl on a regular basis You know something's wrong. You need to be talking about this stuff We talk about kino and talking about keeping the game going trust me when you start talking about her fantasies You might hear some things You didn't want to hear Don't be judgmental. You don't want her to be judgmental to you So you needed to return the favor to her. She might have some gang bang fantasy. You're like, oh fuck no That ain't gonna happen but Inside you're like, yeah, that's that's pretty out there But I just I don't think I would be comfortable with that and it's okay to say that right Is the other thing that we've seen over and over again Couples find ds for instance They're in trouble marriage isn't working so great It's very common to reach out to this type lifestyle thinking it's going to fix all the problems and it doesn't Not always And then what invariably seems to happen is they start talking about all this sexy stuff and they're in this This honeymoon type sexual moment They go, okay, we're going to bring another man in the bedroom or we're going to bring another girl in the bedroom And they go off and do these three ways and I don't know anybody it's worked out for No one right again. I don't share my girl with anybody. She's my most prized possession I own her and she's a jewel absolute jewel But people bring they they go a little too far a little too fast And then the next thing, you know, there's jealousy I mean if your girl's jealous and you're banging some other woman in the bedroom and you're not giving her enough attention Do you think that's going to go well These things are fantasies. These are not things that people are doing all the time Now some people are god bless if it works for them You got two people in a in a relationship and their emotional states are solid and their marriage is solid And they want to go play with their partners I don't care it doesn't bother me And they can make that shit work and works well for them But they have to be both in a great spot before they go there So there's a lot of stuff there. You kind of take it slow. I said that already Again, if you want to just talk about ds stuff talk about how your grandparents lived, you know go Show the 50 shades movie talk about that kind of stuff talk about what makes her happy Really what what what in your life sweetheart makes you incredibly happy And write them down have her write them down great exercise What makes you terribly upset in this world? And maybe she hates working You know all those things we've been talking about all morning, right? Maybe, you know, they got sold a lie Right and we all agreed to it. Oh, yeah, that's good. You know why I'll tell you why guys my age We didn't help our fathers certainly didn't help I grew up in the 60s. I was I was born in 61 Grew up in the 60s and 70s for my my formative years And I'm looking on tv. I'm looking around town I got a bunch of hippies with with fucking flowers and their hair and shit and they're fucking like rabbits Right and they're all sensitive types, you know, and they're all playing the little guitars and all this stuff And I'm thinking to myself. That's how you get laid You become more like a woman That's what all these hippie guys were doing the most of them and there were still some bad boys in that in that group as well but what I saw as a young man was Put flowers in your hair and do all this girly crap because they're gonna fuck your brains out. Yeah Let's do it It didn't work out so well and funny thing we talked about something that read me a group one time That even back when I was in high school late 70s the bad boys were still getting laid Right and everybody else's friend zones. It hasn't changed. It's been that way for 50 years at least But I watched strong men my father I watched his friends who also bought into this free love things, you know Be more mellow the male chauvinist bastards and all this stuff that was going on with this feminism in the 70s And they softened They got beat down and didn't realize what was happening to them. I didn't either until now look back at it I go Jesus Christ, you know somebody gave my dad a little Figuring for his birthday. It said male chauvinist pig and had like a Homer Simpson looking guy with a with a big Screw going through and like screw you male socialist pig a chauvinist pig He was so proud of that damn thing stuck it up on the mantle Showed it off to everybody He was like damn right. I am see that kind of thing This is back in the days of archie bunker, you know, all in the family stuff, right? And that was my dad, you know, just brash and all that kind of stuff But I watched him soften Right There are dangers We just talked about some of these dangers about branching out and playing and doing things that might not be good for your relationship If you're dating that kind of thing, okay If you're going to tell somebody your deepest darkest fantasies and secrets It better be damn be somebody you trust You don't get blackmailed and hold against you You don't want that to come up in a divorce proceeding one day right Child support child custody cases. Well, he's a pervert. He shouldn't have the kids Taking right gotta be a little careful That's why everybody has these assumed names and they do they do they keep things under under covers real well And I'm not saying all women are gonna do that. They're not Okay, if you're rocking their world and and y'all are kind of in agreement of all this stuff But if if your fantasy the first thing you talk about with her is midget clowns on tricycles, you know Giving blowjobs. I mean, you're probably going to freak her out a little bit or you know Now they want to tie you up and hang you from the tree in the backyard and do nasty things to you Might not want to start there, right? You know, I like to put a blindfold on you and play a little bit, right? I was talking to a guy last night. He said, you know when I when I go to kiss a girl I I reach up and kind of casually grab her throat a little bit And if she's into it, she leans into it. Y'all ever seen full metal jacket choke yourself? Do you ever see that that movie? But he said the girl will lean into it or she'll give a little bit of A little draws her breath back a little bit, right? You know, I'm not talking about, you know, choke it Or I'm just putting the hand up there. You'll get a you'll get a trust me 75 of the women in this study like that shit Maybe you do too if you don't you don't that's nobody no big deal But if you're like I said earlier if you're in the game and you're looking for it A leg up and you're into this stuff and you you've got a little experience and you're not you're not bad at it You put the word Dom in your dating profile and see how that thing lights up Word of caution danger danger. I know a young man that put Dom in his dating profile He was not a Dom thought he could be one one day Thought it was a great idea until he had a girl swipe Right or left or whatever it is They got in the bedroom and she was waiting for him to give orders and commands and do what he does and he didn't know what to do That didn't turn out to be a good night for anybody. So she was very disappointed So again these there are some dangers with this. You got to be cautious. You got to be careful You should be talking about this at work, you know, there's social justice warriors every order, you know That type of thing Here's another one. We all love to go out and run out of all of us, but a lot of us like to go out and drink It's the one thing you can't do when you're one of these relationships if you're planning on coming back and doing some fun stuff Uh, if you're planning on tying somebody up, you're planning on, you know forced orgasms or whatever and this that and the other You can't be drinking just not doesn't fly you can't because she's trusting you completely with everything of any If you tie off one of her wrists or something and the blood goes that you got too aggressive because you're buzzed Blood starts going out of her hand. You cause permanent damage, right? You won't do that Or she has a my girl has a safe word red. Well, she has to do say red. I stop whatever i'm doing immediately Okay, let's stop and I saw it saying we're not going to start back up again from her. That's not what she's saying What she's saying is that hurts something's not right stop and so we stop or she'll say yellow, which is Hey, that's a little too intense back up a little bit back off just a little bit, right? So you have these code words if you're drunk you won't hear the word When you need to hear the word because that'll be the quickest way to kill the trust And to kill any kind of potential fun you're ever going to have again with her until you build the trust back And we all know it takes one fucking moment to blow trust And about 10 years to get it back. It seems it feels like maybe not that long But it certainly freaking feels this way. So if you're boozer Sorry You talk about it before you go out. We're going to play tonight. I want to play tonight And you both agree she can't drink either. She can't be drunk She has to be able to say what's what's on her mind and what's going on You have to be able to check in with her while you're having fun So this leads to a another thing alcohol, which is a great transition, right? Ed sexual dysfunction the great destroyer Right Is it psychological or is it physical? Maybe it's both You just really really really think about that because If you're If you're a little soldier, you know brain down here ain't agreeing with the brain up here There's gonna be some conflict there next thing, you know, you don't have a heart on that's a psychological issue It's not physical or on the flip side of that you're on bad ass, you know blood pressure drugs or whatever you just can't get it up, you know Big pharma enables You know, they come through force, right little blue pills La vitre, you can hold your girl's hand in their bathtubs two bathtubs, you know, you can do sialis five milligrams daily Get it up whenever you want Yay science bitches So at the end of the day You got to be congruent your thoughts and your actions. We've been talking about that for three days now Three days and it goes the same in the bedroom You know, if you're again if if all she wants from whatever maybe her religious upbringing Maybe whatever is missionary man on top. Get it over with quick. Let's make a baby If that's her world of sex and you're thinking about tying her up and doing some funny things You are not going to be congruent in that bedroom The next thing you know, you're probably not going to get it up or you walk down this path as a new dom And you are thinking, okay, I got all this stuff playing that we call it having a scene girl has no idea You give her some instructions what to wear where to be And then You're choreographing this whole thing. It's amazing fun Um, it's not something you do every night, right? Everybody'd be exhausted if we tried that we can go on for two three hours And if you're doing all these things say you're a one and done guy, right? And you're doing all these things with her, you know, you want it to last a long time Hey, maybe a blue pills party drug at that point you want things to go on for a couple hours? I'm not wrong with that right see a doctor make sure you're not gonna have a heart attack or something but When you're concentrating on all these things that you want to do and step by step and all this kind of crap Guess what the big brain is doing all the work and the little brain forgets to participate sometimes So keep that in mind when you're playing and all that and the worst thing is when she's finally ready to really really ready to rock And you are too you want that shit to be working, you know, that's gonna leave her hanging too But uh, keep in mind there's a lot of psychological reasons why guys can't get it up And so if you're having some of those issues again a psychotherapist find a good one There's all kind of counselors out there. They're not that expensive in the grand scheme of things most insurance plans have got Incredible mental health benefits and no one ever uses them, right? The magic molecule testosterone I love testosterone I've been jamming a needle in my leg for well over five six years now. I absolutely freaking love it I feel like a little kid again sometimes increased energy confidence libido If you're lifting weights you're gonna get increased muscle mass So I would encourage everyone in here needs to know what their t level is today Okay, let's say you're 20 22 You run down a little depressed things aren't just working as well for you Maybe it's depression caused by a lack of tea a lot of young men don't have good t levels anymore So I know guys in the 20s that have like a 200 level 225 250 some lower than that Testosterone is great for men who do not want to have kids anymore Okay I know that there are some people that can successfully take testosterone and still have active swimmers That are fighting to make a girl pregnant But a lot of guys basically the swimmers give up and they and they die off basically and you you're no longer going to have kids Potentially i'm not a doctor I'm just saying don't be 22 and find some testosterone get a doctor to talk them into it start taking it If you still want to have kids there's other things you can do There's a drug called hcg I know people that young men that do an injection in their stomach a little tiny tiny little You know tiny needles a little stomach injection twice a week with hcg They take clomid a couple of times a week, which is a fertility drug And it raises their t levels And one guy I was talking to he got off of it because he had insurance plan messed up or something And he was just having trouble, you know getting to his medicine He was off for about a month and a half And he's so damn depressed he couldn't he couldn't figure it out as soon as he got back on he was like damn I can tell I can tell exactly when when everything started kicking in again Your older guys, you know look into it. Good lord almighty. I was listening to sports calling radio the other day in houston Every other commercial was a ed clinic a testosterone clinic I mean they're everywhere right the the key thing is look for the words bio identical Hormone replacement therapy the key word bio identical. Uh, that's going to Give you a better class of that type doctor I highly encourage you to look into it if you're not doing it you need it if you're over 40 I would really look into it I think about it the I may have been on it for about 10 years now come to think of it I was 330 pounds at one point. I was dying in a hospital Dying flesh eating bacteria in my leg. I lost some thigh muscle My girl saved my life twice in two weeks twice It was bleeding out. They didn't know I was bleeding out. She was watching my blood pressure drop Called somebody and they figured out what was going on Um, I got out of there and I was miserable and I'm like but I was happy to be alive But I was miserable with what I saw in the mirror like this this can't go on something's got to give So I started walking Right, and then I was so thankful they were going to amputate my leg and they did and my girl talked them out of it Try one more time to clean it up, you know And I was so thankful after about a week of walking out of sight. I was going to start jogging man I got a leg I can run. Yeah, I used to play football. Let's go do this, you know I ended up blowing out my knee and ended up having to have knees or total knee replacement on the same freaking knee I'm like, you know Good lord god, you just wanted me to give you the leg back. Is that what this is? Uh, just this poor leg's been through hell. I don't squat anymore in the gym. I can't just hurts too much I've tried alexander's helped me with a couple of things to to try to take some of the pressure off of it It's just not fun. It hurts. I'm like, yeah, and then of course I'm going to screw this one up and I have to do another one Trust me them cutting your leg in half and putting a piece of metal as a knee in there and sewing you back up Sucks That pain sucks Get look into this Hey, this is a symbol of our marriage these days. This is her collar one of her collars a collar to us It's like a wedding ring to you Okay, she's had my wedding ring for 30 years This was the symbol of our new life together. Again, we burned our ships. There's no going back Now I like the little Celtic knot in the front because I'm an Irish guy She asked me if she could add a dog tag to the back and it's kind of hard to read from the back But it says owned by Sir Tex and she wears it proudly she Dingles as she's you know tingle whatever is ding ding ding as she's walking through the house like the like the puppy dog She loves it absolutely embraces it For her it's a symbol when she looks in the mirror. She feels it on her neck. It's very important to her You might yank her around by it now. You can it's a ring on the back You could tie a leash on to it or something if you wanted to not what we use it for I know DS couples that have they get remarried Um and or not remarried way to say renew the vows, right and they give to give the collar, you know This is an offer. I'm not asking you guys to ever email her But I'm saying my girl has had a website called the circle of the submissive sisterhood And it's free It's a women's community and it's free And we absorb all the cost on that she's got it shut down right now We're doing a bit of a remodel and we're gonna try to open it up in january again But if you've got A woman in your life that is interested in this lifestyle And you don't want to write this down now. That's fine. Just email with texasdom.com. Go send me an email for god's sakes I answer every email that anyone ever sends me you want to talk about this stuff. Let's talk about it Um I don't coach I don't do you know, send me 1200 a week or whatever and I'll talk I don't do a lot of crap I do answer emails and I am a member of fraternity of excellence And that's where I get coaching from my friends and where I give coaching. That's what we do We help each other. It's a group asset a group of kick-ass motherfuckers, you know, we're all marching together Just like the guys in this room. We're all marching together. We're all kicking ass. We're all gonna start kicking more ass That's why we're here but again If you ever need help she wants questions answered My life's normal my girl sane You know, she was a corporate executive who decided that She you know climbing the ladder was all mighty fine and all that only to find out the ladder was on the wrong damn house You know, and she's on it was unhappy as hell That's her. She's happy. Do I have one? I just fuck. Yeah I'm purple pill. Don't you remember? Um, I don't know. I've been called everything. I don't really care either Because I got a happy life. I got a happy woman that loves me Again, she's a year older than me looks 10 years younger, you know, probably more than that So that's from key takeaways here Your fantasies are likely normal Right I mean if you fantasize against things about things that are illegal, that ain't normal Okay, things that are non-consensual. That's not normal. Go get some help Okay before you act out on that But if it's consensual, it's legal. It's safe. It's sane You are in the vast majority. In fact, people that don't have some sort of a little bondage fantasy every now and then At some point in their life are the ones that are not normal apparently according to the statistics making me feel good about me Let me tell you real really good about me The choice of whether you want to act out on a fantasy completely is up to you Fantasies are fantasies. Some fantasies need to stay fantasies, right? You don't need to act out on all that crap but If you can find a channel a healthy outlet and you've got an agreeable partner is explorer, right? I have a buddy I was talking to the other day that had he and his wife have a Sexual checklist of things they want to do together and their goal is to Mark a certain number of them off every week It's fun. They've been married 20 years Right, there's no reason for sex to stop. I was told one time the other one wants to hear a 58-year-old guy talk about sex That's creepy God, you should hope that when you're 58 you're having a shit ton of sex, right? That's the goal here We don't want to stop want to keep it going but you got to keep it interesting For both parties you got to keep things spiced up a little bit. This is one way to do it There's other ways to do it Google is your friend get out there Be dominant Women love dominant men Not domineering not an asshole. Well, they kind of like assholes sometimes but They're they're not wanting someone to be a domineering dickhead But they do want someone to make decisions To be a leader if your girl asks you an opinion on something give her a fucking answer Well, do you like this or this one? Well, you know either one looks pretty good on you. Fuck that. No, I like the red one Red one makes your tits look awesome Right. She loves that. She wants to hear that feedback because I'm going to give it to her straight No, that makes your ass look fat. I don't like that at all, you know, but again Dominant not being a jerk Again, also don't judge her right don't judge her past. You're with her now You chose to be with her now don't put bringing up shit in the past or she's got some Some really really out there fantasy. I bet you do too. You just weren't you didn't have enough balls to tell her yours Don't judge her. That's all I'm saying. She shouldn't judge you either and be smart Be smart about how you play and what you do And the people you interact with and the people you choose to bring into your inner circle When you talk about this stuff here, I go by an alias name and I'm on the freaking youtube and the internet Right eventually somebody will out me. I don't really care that much Securing my job But I don't need my kids and my grandkids More in tune with all the things that we love to do. That's just there still are some private things out there Repeat this. We all want sexual experiences That make us feel Goldman talks about being an artist and feeling things, right? This is it This is your chance to be a bedroom artist, right? You get in there and have some fun But you want to feel that connection You want to you want to feel that lust you want to provide that lust It's there for the taking and no one's doing it man. They're all fucked up and worried about t-ball practice Worried about the shitty diaper and they're not taking time for each other. Yeah raising kids is a bitch It's hard, right? Both of you got to kick ass and go for it and there's nothing more rewarding man I love my kids. I love my grandkids You got to make time for each other It's got to be your number one priority because these women have babies and I'm mommy now And you're just another kid in my family. Fuck that No, absolutely not. No, but hell no. Yeah, okay. You had a baby We're gonna get your body recovered and we're gonna do some things and get this newborn In a comfortable secure and loving environment, but by god, we're still going out on date at least once a week You've got to make that time. You can't let her forget that she's your wife Not the kid's mom because her mind went straight to kid's mom now. I'm no longer a wife. I'm no longer sexy You know all that stuff We want to feel I want you to feel I want you to get out there And and just do it don't have to be kinky sex But get in some somewhere feel something with other people It may just start with pinning her hands over her head It's a great way to start right non-threatening Just hands over your head and pound the shit out of her You're gonna love it. I promise you she'll love it Put a pillowcase behind her behind her arms and a pillowcase behind and lay her down backwards So she's kind of immobilized Safe stuff little stuff tiny stuff doesn't cost a dime right blindfold necktie blindfold her have some fun She desires your dominance Guess what she fucking deserves your dominance. You're not giving it to her. You're sucking at it She's unhappy because she's not getting what she needs and that's on you She deserves it. She wants it It's up to you now to make it happen. Thank you Now I'm as I'm not as deaf as Ivan, but I got hearing aids We'll turn them up a little bit if you've got a question or two. I'm happy to answer it I may have to get you to repeat it a couple of times And we don't have any we can talk over her beer as well Hey tax. Oh no, here we go No, I'm really into experimenting sexually especially lately with like Breath control and tantric stuff. I haven't gotten a btsm But I found not only did it make the sex better in the bedroom because that is awesome But I found the benefits like outside of the bedroom Like with my personality and confidence increased I want to hear like personally what you found Like you're how you benefited outside of the bedroom after you started doing this I tell you what's gonna gonna sound really weird. I'm so much better at my job Because I'm happy happy again, right and I'm in sales and Ever since we got into this lifestyle and I have support at home I'm the happiest guy on the planet and it shows when you're happy at work And you're doing it people want to people want to buy from people that they like and people that are upbeat and have positive energy You know, it's just it's peace man. My house is a piece You know, if you're living in a house with a contentious one What's the bible versus better to live on the roof and live in a house with a contentious woman I didn't make that up. It's bible, right? But I had a contentious woman. We were roommates. We're no longer and that's peace. That's comforting. That's Rewarding and it allows me to do things like this and I have to constantly worry about Keeping you know dealing with crazy woman. You know, did I answer it at all? Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay a text from one word to another Uh, how did you create? Safe words Are those something that You let her create for you or is it something y'all create for to each other? We just talked about it and if I'm not mistaken red's really really common Really common called red. I might have even been 50 shades for all I know But a lot of friends and stuff. That's you know, we talked there's there's communities of dominance out there Right dominant men that talk online You know, we talk about everything Ideas and stuff. It's a great place to get feedback But uh, you know red red means stop. Maybe it doesn't mean stop all night. Just means stop right now Something's not working. Let's talk about it. Let's regroup yellow slow down And there's a case that I'll check in with her. How are you doing? You doing okay? I might ever tie it up She's a capacitor. You okay? You okay? green Tells me green keep going Thank you Yeah At tax great speech. Thank you So when you agreed to be a dom and didn't really know what you were agreeing to in what ways did you struggle in the beginning? God bless Yeah, that's a that's a loaded question. Um I had no idea What it was going to take to fulfill the back end Right to be able to Make the decisions and have the finances rocking and and and stuff at the house I mean sometimes, you know, you're you're gone for a week. You come home. It's just broken You know and it's up to you to make that stuff happen so that you still have a house That's peaceful that you have a house that's functioning. Um, I didn't know what A head game it was going to be at first You know, I had this thing right my wife's want me to spank her Oh, that's kind of cool. Uh wait, my dad told me never hit a woman Your dad told you the same thing. You don't hit women I had to reconcile that shit, right because that's how I feel. I think you shouldn't hit a woman unless you're being well Yeah, I've seen some internet videos where women need to be hit. Okay, that's almost like but um No, at the end of the day, it's playtime. It's fun time It's it's sexually arousing for her and I realized it's playtime and it's not It's not violence and getting my head wrapped around that getting my head wrapped around the Responsibilities in the bedroom Of being in control and and being creative. It's up to you now. You're your script writer at that point You're doing fantasies and stuff and you're acting things out and you're and you and you And the biggest problem was getting the ongoing dialogue in the bedroom because I'm not a talkative guy when I'm fucking And a couple of my buddies when I first got into this in fact one of the guys that used to help advise me He's one of the members of the foe right now He shall remain nameless, but you foe guys know exactly I'm talking about but he and I were members of this community 10 years ago That's how I knew him. In fact, he was the guy that sent me a I'm going off deep in here But here's the guy that sent me a hunter drew blog article Which helped me find hunter which helped me find family alpha which helped me find the words about red pill Which I'd never heard of before which helped me find the manosphere, which means I'm right here I owe that guy a lot Right, but uh learning learning the ropes and not and and not wanting to fuck it up My marriage was over and I got this lifeline here, right? I got a chance to make this work. Don't fuck up Because I'm thinking if I fuck this all up that was that was a head game on me So that was that was the biggest challenge getting started Whenever you're uh doing new things. It's exciting at first. Does it ever get older routine? How do you do you feel the need to keep things like fresh? Do you feel like you have to keep Trying out new things all the times there's like some pressure So jay with that you mix things up new toys new new play things But there are some things that she really really really likes Right, you have a girl with 10 orgasms in 30 minutes. She's gonna want some of more of that Right and so we we will dust off our favorite toys and that kind of thing And sometimes there's no time for a scene And sometimes you're just time to quickie bang it out But the cool part about it in the in the DS world and again with great responsibility, you know You know, you have great responsibility here to take care of somebody. She's sick She can't do something I can tell her to bend over But there's other times where I just see her and I'm like it's on go right now close the door whatever And that's that's also the benefit of not having kids in the house, right? So But yeah, you mix it up. You have to mix it up. You got to keep it fresh You guys got to keep it fresh too. You may not be into any of this crap But if you're doing the same exact sex thing, okay, I'm gonna go down on her liquor for a while She's gonna have an orgasm. I'm gonna fuck her. We're gonna go to sleep Again brutal language, but it's true and a bunch of guys in this room. That's all they do We're just vice versa. She gives you a little bit of a blow job Maybe I'll hand job or something every now and then and that's what that's your sex these days type of thing I like what you're talking about I'm grateful because I feel like you're also touching a part of me that I was kind of trying to ignore kind of for a lot of a lot of time of my life If I ever get into this How should I start About my social circle, I guess like should I be really open to them or should I rather Get confident about it before There are Where do you live? I'm in the islands. Oh, I shouldn't ask you that. Excuse me. That's not right. Um, I'm sorry That's that's not right. Um, there are communities of kinky bastards all over the world I'm serious. I mean, they're there now There's a lot of people that aren't gonna be overly attractive to you right, but there's still gonna be a lot There's a lot of educational stuff out there There's a a site called fit life. It's the facebook of kinksters and they have regional stuff. They have Um, You know you in houston There's a whole group of kinksters in fact next weekend They're going to the renaissance fair and they're taking over the camp grounds is going to be bondage camp. They'll be Wow, I'll be there. Nice. Okay. I mean this that's what they do and a lot of us educational And we'll have a tent set up with st. Andrews crosses and spanking benches and all this stuff Now I'm not I'm a fringe member, right? I'm not full-blown at hardcore like some of these guys are they're there all the time But there's other people camping in these camp grounds out there. So we call them vanillas. They have no idea, right? And they'll come walking wandering through camp and they have no idea. So the old joke is we're going to corrupt some of vanillas tonight, right? But It's fun. It's a lot of fun, but in your local community if you get on fit life and do a search for where you live Um, it'll all pop up There's things on there. You don't want to see You've been warned. Okay. Thank you Yeah, so as you kind of mentioned that Consent is a big deal and If there is like any type of like a divorce or something, how do you kind of protect yourself because this can be seen as something very Like negative and abusive to like some people who just aren't like Absolutely used to the lifestyle. I know a couple. This is genius They got on it took the video on their iphone Right of them talking about what they do and the fun that they have, right? They Put it on a thumb drive put in a safety deposit box God forbid she goes to the doctor. She's got bruises on her Right, doctor says you're being abused calls the police. I got a video time stamped Right there, you know, that's one way of protecting oneself I mean if your girl's doing the same thing with you at the end of the day, you're a solid relationship I mean, there's nothing to protect for if she's doing the same stupid shit you're doing, you know It goes both ways at that point. It's just that It won't take advantage of people like, you know, somebody some girl's roofy, you know, you don't do that That's not it's not what men do You know, you just I get it. It's it's the whole me to error. We got to be careful at work You know, we got we got to careful not to be a love the mic pencil Don't be a with a woman at work if there's not other people in the room or your wife is there that kind of thing Protect yourself As far as circles of friends and stuff go you be real damn careful about who you share your fantasies with because they'll hold it against you At one point or they'll make fun of you or who knows who fucking knows people are weird Thank you Gentlemen, that's all the time we have give it up for Texas down