 File Request. Granted. Document version. For your eyes only, your request has been logged. Because of your ability to access this file and read this sentence, you are SCP-3393. There exist only three other individuals who can access this file, and memetic agents embedded in this document would display alternative texts for these people. Very little is known about you due to your primary anomalous property. All information regarding you is unable to be viewed or remembered soon after it is created. This includes your appearance, past records, and other information. The only known way to counteract this effect is through the use of a powerful nested drug that has been distributed to the Director of the Foundation's Antimemetics Division, O5 and Researcher. You have attained a Level 4 security credentials. Attempts to remove this clearance from your account have failed, as the account itself cannot be located. It is unclear if this is a consequence of your antimemetic properties or a separate anomalous property. SCP-4860 designates a sprawling concrete structure of indeterminate origin and purpose situated within the North-Eastern United States. Various hallways in SCP-4860 are done with murals and graffiti, much of which references traveling circuses and clowns. The anomalous properties of SCP-4860 manifest once a human subject between the ages of 9 and 16 as of the structure. Exterior points of entry to SCP-4860 will become sealed. Subsequent events are poorly understood due to lack of data, but it is understood that the subject will be assaulted by numerous figures originating from the aforesaid rooms. Laws of contact with the subject typically occurs within 5 to 10 minutes, leaving no physical remains of the subject, nor any evidence suggesting their whereabouts. Project personnel have reported sounds consistent with human laughter and screaming emanating from SCP-4860 during this time, though such audio has not been captured by any recording equipment. I hate it when they fuck with kids. Makes me want to go all destroy, destroy, destroy on those sons of bitches. SCP-001 refers to an event occurring shortly before the cessation of all life on Earth. Whilst SCP-001 has not yet taken place, it was discovered through various pieces of information gathered from extra-universal foundations and other similar groups. It is important to note SCP-001 is not the cause of the apocalyptic scenario, merely a pre-occurrence response to it. During an SCP-001 event, flowers are observed to spontaneously appear and bloom over approximately 90% of the viable land service of the planet. These flowers are universally referred to as vibrant, bright, beautiful, and or words to this effect. During an SCP-001 event, the global populace will become aware of the fate of the Earth and of its inevitability. They will also experience heavily decreased levels of violence. SCP-001 will occur exactly 24 hours before the death of all life on the planet. SCP-895 is an ornate oak coffin recovered from the name redacted mortuary by SCP personnel on date redacted. Following reports of unusual footage captured by surveillance equipment installed at that location. When questioned, mortuary staff were unable to determine the source of SCP-895 and how it was transported to the location. Upon attempting to open SCP-895, agents on location found the object empty. However, observers viewing the live camera feed were… the data has been expunged. Until further notice, SCP-895 must remain closed at all times. SCP-895 causes disruptions in video and photographic surveillance equipment within 15 meters similar to vivid disturbing hallucinations with variable duration and regularity corresponding to the camera's proximity to SCP-895. Within a range of 5 meters from SCP-895, footage captured can cause severe psychological trauma and hysteria in most subjects. SCP-4564-A is the collective designation for all first-run copies of the video game Fishing Derby. The initiation of SCP-4564's anomaly occurs when any instances played upon an Atari VCS games console. Anytime a player successfully catches a fish with the value of 6 pounds, a random eel matching the above criteria, henceforth known as SCP-4564-A, will proceed to exit the water in search of the nearest human being. Hereafter referred to as SCP-4564-B, the SCP-4564-A instance will attempt to insert itself into the human's gastrointestinal tract via the anus or mouth. The SCP-4564-A instance will release a neurotoxic slime, which induces a powerful urge for SCP-4564-B to travel to the sea. Upon reaching the sea, SCP-4564-A instances will exit the victim's body via the first submerged orifice. Both will proceed to lose all anomalous effects, although often distressed. SCP-4564-B have never been harmed, and can be hosted between one and f***ing instances of SCP-4564-A at a time. SCP-5149 is a radio signal of unknown origin being received by LunarSight 34 every 24 hours. SCP-5149 consists of a short repeating message in UTF-8. Decryption of SCP-5149 is considered a class A priority. A team of cryptographers, linguists, and radio technicians are stationed at Lunar 34 for this purpose. Attempt 1 ran it through all modern language translation systems for similarities. Translation failed. Attempt 150 manipulated base through flips, rotations, reflections, and several stretches and compressions before putting it through previous suite of analyses. Translation failed. Attempt 249, Greenhorn suggested we run it through nonverbal languages screener. Poor guy thinks it'll really be that easy. Translation success! Within 0.5 seconds of the scanning, screener produced an English translation of SCP-5149. It was realized that no individual on the project who recognized the transmission is a form of braille. The decrypted message on SCP-5149? Help! I can't f***ing see! SCP-6969 is the designation for a thaumaturgic biological process which occurs during ejaculation. When a human being attempts to discharge, a series of internal thaumaturgic processes occur within the individual's genitalia, affecting the entire body. Over the duration of approximately two seconds, the affected subject will enter and experience a causal time loop, repeatedly beginning at the moment of ejaculation and lasting a short period of time. No changes to the subject's physiology are preserved between time loops, safe for two factors. One, the activity of the nervous system, and two, the sperm's genetic composition were applicable. Upon conclusion of an unknown number of repetitions, the causal time loop ceases, and a secondary thaumaturgic effect activates. The secondary effect resets the nervous system to the state it was when the time loop began, allowing for the seamless transition between pre- and post-organism states by resetting memory. Research suggests that affected subjects may experience a subjective time of anywhere from 16 days to roughly 73 quintillion years every ejaculation. SCP-4670 is a Greek female named C.C. Heliu. SCP-4670 possesses three known anomalous properties. The ability to transform human beings into instances of SCP-4670-1 instances of SCP-4670-1 are physically and behaviorally identical to non-anomalous pigs, but genetically and gustatorily identical to human beings. Extreme resistance to all known forms of chemical, memetic, and cognitohazardous brain chemistry altering agents. Dramatically slowed aging. SCP-4670 was first discovered by Dr. C.C. during his first visit to C.C.'s pit barbecue. He reported that the pulled pork he ordered was identical in taste and texture to human flesh. These details were verified by two other certified cannibals. Each live pig and pork carcass recovered from C.C.'s were found to be genetic matches to police officers who had gone missing in Georgia over the previous decade during stakeouts, prostitution bus, and traffic stops. SCP-3472-J is a 500-milliliter glass vial filled with a viscous, semi-translucent, blue substance. Five minutes after an individual ingests more than 20 milliliters of SCP-3472-J's contents, they will enter a comatose state lasting between two and five hours. Subjects report experiencing vivid dreams from the point of view of a man named Jameson Maddox. Recovered documentation suggests that such dreams share an internally consistent, if anachronistically presented timeline. Experiment 1. Dr. Sumerian will ingest 20 milliliters of SCP-3472-J's contents, after which he will record his experiences. Results. While attempting to drink from SCP-3472-J, Dr. Sumerian fumbled and accidentally dropped it onto the floor. SCP-3472-J shattered upon impact and did not retain anomalous properties. Final note. If anyone needs me, I'll be off sulking in a corner while Command transfers me into D-Class. Signed, Dr. Sumerian. Shouldn't have dropped that. SCP-2295 is a patchwork stuffed bear, approximately .46 meters from head to foot. SCP-2295 enters an active state when within two meters of a human sustaining major trauma to an organ. SCP-2295 will anomalously produce scissors, white thread, and either sewing needles or a crocheting hook from its mouth and use any fabric and stuffing in close proximity to fashion an instance of SCP-2295-1, a patchwork imitation of the subject's organ. SCP-2295-1 vanishes from sight and the subject falls into a state of unconsciousness. SCP-2295-1 instances then replace the subject's damage organ via anomalous means. Once within the subject, adjacent tissues and veins attach to the imitated organ without observable complications. There have been no cases of rejected SCP-2295-1 instances, and all subjects recorded at the time of writing made full recoveries. SCP-902 is a box roughly the size of an adult human head. It measures 30 centimeters by 15 centimeters by 19 centimeters. SCP-902 is made of lead. The composition of the item inside SCP-902 is unknown. SCP-902 emits what has been described as a ticking sound. In anyone who hears the sound becomes convinced that the item is counting down. When open, the box appears empty. However, the ticking remains. The object continues counting down. Anyone who becomes aware of SCP-902, whether through personal interaction or by reading this report, becomes convinced that whatever is in the box is horribly dangerous, and needs to be destroyed as soon as it finishes counting down, and not before. Staff exposed to SCP-902 will typically continue to attempt to open and then close the box, trying to find the object inside. There is no object. There is an object. It has to be destroyed when the countdown stops. We are doing great work. SCP-5665 is an anomalous variant of Dairy Cow, capable of producing massive amounts of methane within their digestive system through an unknown source. Additionally, they can expel this gas through their anuses and ignite it, presumably using an identified flame-producing organ located within the lower digestive system. SCP-5665 instances are able to move in the same manner as a non-anomalous cow. However, they have been observed to instead favor propelling themselves via combustion of their anomalous flatulence. Despite the high temperatures and pressures SCP-5665 are subjected to, they appear to be unaffected physically by this method of transportation. Attempts to contain or otherwise intentionally restrict the movement of SCP-5665 instances have invariably resulted in the spontaneous combustion of the entity, often causing massive collateral damage or, if additional instances are in close proximity, chain reactions. Due to this, accurate observations or analysis of SCP-5665 instances on a small scale are functionally impossible. SCP-549 is former Senior Researcher Jason Vitilli of Site-72's Alchemy Department Wing. Theoretically, when a portion of SCP-549 is dismembered, a new growth will appear as if the injury never occurred. This effect is yet to be directly observed and thus cannot be confirmed as of writing. Notably, a build-up of flesh can be seen bulging from around SCP-549's shoulder and upper arm. Though it was once a prominent researcher, it is now barely capable of advanced thought, nor is it able to hold conversations. SCP-549 is unable to recall any of its memories prior to March 17th, 2021, the day of SCP-549's discovery and containment. SCP-1933 is an obese, middle-aged Caucasian male in a constant state of moderate to severe alcohol intoxication. SCP-1933's bodily fluids consist entirely of a substance identical in composition to the alcoholic beverage known as Irish cream. This substance adequately fulfills the functions of the fluids it replaces in SCP-1933's tissues, despite the fact that it renders normal biochemical processes essential to life impossible. SCP-1933's bodily fluids are safe for human consumption, if intake is limited to 25 milliliters or less within 24 hours. If a subject exceeds this limit, there is a significant risk that all their bodily fluids will be transformed into Irish cream. As such, it is instantly fatal. This is really good. What did you guys put in here? No, you didn't. No. No. Fuck you. Fuck you all. I hate- God, I swear to long fish. You're gonna wish you had 6-8-2 duty. I'm going to fuck. SCP-5747 denotes an anomalous phenomenon that manifests in individuals licensed to operate aircraft. These individuals must meet the following criteria in order to trigger its effects. Within 24 hours of meeting these two conditions, the subject will experience the onset of SCP-5747's effects and begin levitating upwards. As the affected individual enters the stratosphere, the atmospheric particulate in front of the subject will coalesce into enormous lettuce. These formations spell out the names of notable figures in the aviation industry. After reaching an altitude of 40 kilometers, the subject will decelerate until they are hovering in place. At this point, a crowd of human figures, identifiable as the subject's friends and family, will manifest around them. A large set of text will materialize in the distance. This text reads, Congratulations. Thank you for flying with us. We love you. SCP-4521 is a Douglas spur tree with abnormal shape and leaves. SCP-4521 was discovered within God Silence, Oregon, after reports of a quote ear piercing silence and a quote from within the tree's vicinity. Amnestics were administered, and SCP-4521 was transported by implanted foundation agents to Site-551. Currently, SCP-4521's anomalous property is that it is incapable of screaming. No apparatuses are found on SCP-4521 that allow it to scream, and attempting to create one has been met with failure, C-Testing Log. Attempts are being made to provoke screaming within SCP-4521. No memetic or cognitive hazardous phenomena originate from or affect SCP-4521. Multiple attempts using several other anomalies have been made to detect any screaming, but no screaming was detected. Tests log. The following are attempts made by on-site personnel to eliminate SCP-4521's anomalous ability. Test one. Carve a mouth on SCP-4521. Outcome. Several holes were placed upon SCP-4521 using a chainsaw. No screaming appears to emanate from these holes. Test two. Use an extremely hot branding iron to imprint the word slave onto the base of the tree. No screaming detected. Brand disappeared within two days time. Test three. Place multiple species of spiders upon SCP-4521's base. No screaming detected. Test four. Take a tree that is genetically similar or related to SCP-4521, and slowly destroy it in a close radius around it. Trees successfully destroyed over the course of 28 hours. No screaming detected. Listen, do you want to talk? Do you have something on your mind? Just let it out. Come on, it's not healthy to bottle up. You can tell me, I'm friendly. Do you not have a reason to, you know? I do hope those thoughts in your head are doing you well, but they need to be let out. This is for your own good, I promise. Don't worry about making too much noise, I don't mind. Can you hear me? Can you even hear me while you're trapped in your mind? Can you see me through the foggy muddy waters that are your eyes? Come on, the deafening silence is killing me. If you don't want to speak, or at least scream, the test will continue. It's only healthy. Apartment 5919 has no remarkable attributes or properties beyond what would be expected of other apartments in the city. The last resident of Apartment 5919 moved out in 2018. On January 22, 2020, a body retrieved from the main river by Hesse State Police was identified as the Slovak German artist Andre Schroeder. Schroeder had been under intermittent foundation surveillance since 1985, after his first appearance in Central European Anomalous Arts Circles. He became gradually disillusioned with what he perceived as increasing commodification and consumerism within the art world. Seizing his own work entirely in 2009, several of Schroeder's acquaintances re-established contact with him in 2015, when he returned to Frankfurt to work on what he described as a final, ultimate work of anti-art. He reported having completed the project by late 2017, but he was unable or unwilling to describe what he had created. The only item of note found upon his person was a card of Marshall Carter in Dark Design. You are cordially invited to the viewing of an ordinary Frankfurt apartment, price and address upon request. SCP-5167 is an entity known to manifest as a player of the online multiplayer game Among Us, under the username of Thonis. SCP-5167 will randomly join multiplayer lobbies of the game and participate as an ordinary player would, with the majority of its anomalous effects only becoming obvious following the initial encounter. Individuals who interact with SCP-5167 in-game will subsequently begin to exhibit symptoms of paranoia and capgrass delusion. The severity of these symptoms varies from person to person, but in initial cases was significant enough to prompt acts of perceived self-defense from those affected. The symptoms persist for a period initially believed to encompass several months, but is lessened to one or two weeks as observation has continued. SCP-5740 is a stand-up donut shop that advertises specifically to members of law enforcement. When a member of law enforcement approaches SCP-5740, a jingle begin to play from within the structure. Afterwards, the touchscreen interface will activate, encouraging the individual to press a red button on the screen to receive a donut. Once this is done, an instance of SCP-5740-A will drop out of the metal chute. The effects of SCP-5740-A are typically not observed until roughly 4-6 hours post-consumption. Affected individuals will briefly experience stomach discomfort and bloating, followed by extreme diarrhea. Immediately afterwards, the subject will begin to excrete a domesticated pig from their rectum. How this animal, which is otherwise non-anomalous, manifests within the subject's bowels is currently poorly understood. While there appears to be no correlation between the size of the animal and the size of the subject, there does appear to be at least a mild relationship between the size of the animal and the disciplinary record of the subject. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.