 All righty, fantastic. Welcome, Bank. You are still watching Hashtag Why In The Morning, and today it's all about Woman Crush Wednesday. We are having an amazing conversation about relationships, not even relationships, literally general. How can you maintain healthy competition? It could be work-related. It could be a relationship-related career, all things bound in this situation. How do you maintain a positive, healthy competition that's similar to... In this competition, how can you maintain a positive, healthy competition? How can you maintain a positive, healthy competition? So that is basically what we are going to talk about. So ensure that you jump on the hashtag WCW on all social media platforms at Y244, our channel on all social media. Follow us on Instagram, remember KUNAKA UNDERSCO, Y244 UNDERSCO channel. And mine is at BrianSakwa101. Now, on set, I'm being joined by two beautiful, amazing ladies. Today, we are celebrating the gacha. And they're just about to join in this conversation to talk about competition. Are you ready? So on my immediate left, I'd allow her to introduce herself. Good morning, first of all, welcome. Thank you, Karibuni Sana. Thank you. So I'll allow you to introduce yourself. Please introduce yourself and who you are, what do you do, and basically just all that. I'm Nicole, Nicole Awinja. I'm a second year student at the Vasendem Liru University of Science and Technology. I'm just a student. You are, she's just a student. But she's a beautiful human being. Thank you, welcome. The next guest. Okay, I'm Charity Atyeno. I'm a teacher, I'm a life coach. I'm a safe sex crusader. I'm a nother and I have so many titles. Wow. Yeah. Guys, have you heard what you've just heard? She's literally a whole package. But aside from that, thank you so much. Welcome, Karibuni Sana. Today, we are talking about competition. For ladies, I think this conversation can be really more of a lady type of a conversation. It'll dive into the zeal of personal matters. As a lady, you usually feel like you're always in the number one relationship. For example, you're dating someone and behind the scenes, you had a conversation and you told me at some point, you competed to seek for attention, this boy child, this mandem. And then finally, what happened? But who doesn't want to be number one in any competition that is. In every competition, everybody wants to be number one. At a point, like when I was a youth, we competed for men and that's the reality. You find yourself in a relationship where there is a whole queue of ladies and you want to be on top. You do everything possible to be the best in that relationship, like now men are few. You see, you cannot get a single man, any man who makes an advance you just get in. You say yes, get in and struggle to be at the top. So in short, there is no time to waste. There is no time to waste. There is no time to waste. We are getting old, we are not wasting time. Do you think this applies to career women? If you don't have a mandem, when you're like, I have a job, I'm not going to compete for a man. The right man will find me when I am ready. Some say I'm told that can't handle me. That's good to have standards, of course. But being a career woman is not enough. Other than having your career, love is important. Everybody wants to be loved. It's nice to be loved and even greater to love. As much as I'm a career woman, I have my own money and everything. That love is very important. If no one is approaching me with my everything, I'll go out and get a man for myself. That is what you call competition. Competition is true. For you, you consider yourself as an alpha female, right? When you're an alpha female, you have a different approach. Why not? When I want you brand and I feel you're the best man for me, why not? And if you say, I love to convince you. You have to convince me. I'll use every word to convince you. Crazy, crazy, interesting. It's the truth. Behind the scenes, Tule, I have a conversation before I come to you, Nicole. Charity, you mentioned that at some point, you were in some sort of like, would you say a situationship about you competed for this man and then you became a bazaar? What happened? I cried by the way. Actually, don't even remind me of what happened. This guy was handsome. I was still young. That was my first relationship. And I found myself with the other two ladies in that relationship. I tried to compete and this guy once told me that Charity, you are good and you could have really stayed, but I don't like your weight, like your body size. You wanted a slim and maybe a light-skinned lady. And so after that, what do you do? You just accept, move on and get into another competition. When you lose, you lose. There's nothing you can do about it. You accept and move on and get into another competition because you see in life, competitions are there. At no point will you enjoy monopoly in any relationship unless at a very old age or when you get a mature person who really wants, who really knows what he wants in life. But when you are still in these relationships, like you've not settled, anything can happen. You cannot enjoy that monopoly. When you are there, you find yourself there, you fight for your space and you guard. You guard your space jealously. But hold on that point. I'll come back to you. You will give us more details maybe of how to maintain a healthy competition relationship. Let me come back to you, Nicole. In your view, what are the competition relationships? Is it fair or is it not? Like for you, would you compete for a boy child and have you ever even competed for a man? You would say, hey, we won't come. I'm a mother, I live by. I wouldn't compete. Yeah. So I can't compete. Because I was dating and the last guy cheated on me. The guy cheated on you? Yeah. So I could not compete. It's my cousin who told me, actually you know this guy you are dating is also dating other girls. And he sent me the pictures. So I could not continue competing. How did that make you feel when I date him too? And then all of a sudden, in fact, it's not you finding out that I'm dating him. It's your cousin, you're saying it's your cousin. I look to me a picture. The guy you're dating is also dating him. How did that make you feel? Not bad. The life. So we'll move on in short. Of course there are stages of denial. But of course the first thing is you have to do it. You have to do it. You have to copy means, you have to copy mechanisms. How did you move on from that aspect? Like, this is a disappointment. It's a bias. How did you move on from that aspect? See, I was like, this is for me. This is for you? Yes, yes. This is for you? Yes. This is for you? Yes. This is for you? Yes. This is for you? Yes. But like, you just don't give up. You fight and when you lose, when you lose the battle, you just move on. But you know, it's easier to say, you just move on my dear. At what point do you tap, you place your hand on it and say, I'm not going to move on. Some of you have a denial. Some of you say, if you're happy, if you disappoint me, I'll beat you up because that's what is meant. First of all, you're disappointed and then you'll have to endure. So from your experience, how do you move on? Disappointments are there. More so when you've invested a lot of time, energy, emotions into that relationship and then it turns out to be that bad. You see, it has to. At first you'll say, you know, this can't happen. We're not easy. I'm not easy. And then when reality hits you, what do you do? You accept. You see, you may not deny forever. You are slowly denying for a short period of time and then when you are hit by reality you say, that's why I'm giving you, I wouldn't say that is important. To have a backup. It's about a backup. To have a backup. To have a backup. He's going to have a backup. He's going to have a backup. He has a backup. He's having a backup. He has a backup to me. He's having a backup to me. He has a backup to me. He has a backup to me. He has a backup to him. He has a backup to him. Is there anything you can call me back to? You know, let me ask you something. Just give me a word. Can you go to or enlightening company, enlightening company. It's a part of our soul, it's a part of our soul. And it's that great power. Backup is important, I'm telling you. Backup. We are living in a era where people are not even attached emotionally. When you're not paying them, you're not even paying them. What do you do? What do you do when you're on the left? Yeah, on that point, when you're like, especially competitors, for example, when you're working at a job, and then you're a boss, you're a dam, you're like, you know, she was a fire. She was a motor. From that point of jealousy, how do you cope up and say, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to work, I'm going to work, I'm going to work, but I'm going to compete for the same, same spot. But here's the thing, whether you like it or not, how do you think about it? But why do you like being jealous? You say, man, you're the head of me. You see, with maturity in me, when I realize that Nicole knows something that I don't know, you see, being jealous does not help. I get into her and learn how to do it. At my workplace, obviously, there are people who will always be ahead of you. And there are people who I know are better than. You're aware. I'm aware that I'm a teacher. Yeah, I'm aware that there are people who are better. Like, I'm a teacher. Where I teach? Obviously, by the end of the term, results are out. And I know I'm better than this, this, and this. Depending on the results, on the merits. And I know that there's a teacher who is better than me. Who can teach a particular subject better than me. So if I really want to do better, or if I really want to compete healthily, I'll get into him or her and ask her, like, how do you handle this? How do you approach this concept and this? Other than being jealous, like rebelling, you see, that does not help. Same to a relationship. When I realize that my man has a woman who is more beautiful than me, who is more outgoing than me, I don't know what I can do by the way. But, you know, it's easier to say, have a backup. But how do you even prepare yourself for such a place? Because in the first place, I come away as a loser. To say, I come to a competition for, I don't want to say that I'm a loser. I don't want to say that I accept. Like, if you're jealous, of course, you're jealous. If you're jealous, you're like, you're jealous. But, you see, you get into a competition open-minded. You can either lose or gain. You cannot get into a competition with a fixed mind that I'm going to be the best out of it. Then it's not a competition, it is a work-over. In a competition, you'll get there with an open mind that I'm either losing or gaining. Gaining, yeah. So, once you're aware of that, you can easily compete healthily. Yeah. Nicole, let me come back to you. Do you feel like you're going to be overwhelmed because you're at the same level, you're going to compete for the same prize, but you're going to have more capacity to achieve what you're going to be able to compete for? Especially, I think it's a job, it's a relationship. For you, do you feel like you're going to lose when you're a loser, when you're a victim? Yeah, it does. I don't want to talk about it. For you, you exit the wassup group up. Yeah, it's like a competition. It's like a competition to lose, obviously. I can't handle that. It's like a competition to lose. Yeah, we are of different personalities. And I love the fact that, for you, you are accepting. You're like, Imaanda, Imaanda, what next? And for you, you're like, no, I'm not going to do that. Now, it will make me ask you this question. Some people, for example, some aspects are jealous. For example, when you date Jaleen, when you feel like you're going to lose, you know, I remember, and the charity had mentioned that, in your place, do you accept that you're going to fight until the last we'll fall off? So, yeah. As in, I don't know what to do. Obviously, you'll choose that girl over me. So, yeah. For you, you'll give up. Yeah, give up. And just say, I'm Ina. Yeah. As for me, I can't give up. What about the charity? What? Your competition, and you throw it through. That's why I was saying that we are of different personalities. There are people who are always out. They are go-getters. They are out and they want it. And some people say, hey, it's easy. Yeah, it's easy. Let me just pull out of it. But you just pull out of it. Until when? You are into this relationship, and the lady comes in, and you're going to fight. You say, at times, you fight for yourself. At times, you fight for yourself. Some people say, we're going to fight. Especially my mother, she's a woman. Is it? She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. And then she's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. But when she's a woman, she's a woman. And then finally, you're going to fight. And you're going to fight for yourself. In your instance, you're in such a situation, you're going to fight, you're going to fight, you're going to fight the same business. Some people are partners. And then you're going to pick up, and you're going to fight. If I'm convicted that you're going to fight, then I say, I'll go for it. You'll go for it? Because I'm going to fight. You're going to fight? You're going to fight? Yeah, I'm going to fight. But last, everybody wants to shine out. So I say, if I'm really convicted that this Kamote can really help me, I'll go for it. And if I'm a Christian the way I am, and I do a visual, if I pray about this business, it will sell through, I'll go for it. Anything that can change my life, me mean it. But business needs patience. Businesses, patience. Yeah, you cannot just back out. You continue with time, it will catch up. Yeah. Before I come back to you, Nicole, charity, there's people who will say, me, I can still outshine my master. And still be perfectly fine. Do you believe in the 48, first of all, I told you 48 laws of power. Do you believe in them? Oshai, have you ever had a 48 laws of power? Yeah, but I'm not so much well conversant. Okay, I'll share with you a bit. There's a place in Osama, do not outshine your master. Because if you do, in that sense, if it is a job, you might definitely be fired. If it's your boss, maybe your boss doesn't know some certain things that professionally owners do. But, who doesn't want to explain here, because I'm a boss, who doesn't want to explain here, it doesn't feel like I'm here or less of the boss that he or she is. And then it also applies in relationships or in love. Some people say, like, it's hard for you to be happy, it's hard for you to be happy. But if you're not happy, it doesn't feel like you're less of a person. Do you feel like you can still go ahead and explain to them, outshine them and still life your quick way of sound? Yes, why not? Be missy with your mother. Okay. When I have something in my head, I always speak it out. Yeah, even at my workplace, when my boss doesn't know something, I'll just tell him. You see, I don't focus on it, but this lady was really working for our company. She was really out to get the best out of it. If I know something and my master doesn't know, it depends with the approach I take. You see, there are people who want to correct you while embarrassing you. But when I come with love, I tell you that these things are supposed to be this way. Can we try this other approach on it? There's nothing wrong with it. I can outshine my master 10 times. I'd say it'll be fine. I'd say look what peace. But you can only say how I could open to you, having a conversation. You can only say, like, I was so fixated on one single aspect in a point to come and be anything, it I'm Kasserisha. Are you approachable in short? Are you open to the possibility of even hearing something different? Yeah, I know. But when I realize that maybe it is going to affect my mental health, I'll just keep quiet about it. Like, I'll try. I'll not keep quiet. Like, I'll try, but when I realize that this person is not really interested in learning more, I'll coil with it. True. Let me come back to you on the call. There's an aspect here, jealousy. How do you manage jealousy? Like, for you, in your worst case scenario, you're talking about like, what was your craziest? I'm about, you know, if you feel like, hey, you're in your heart to be by, your craziest, you're gone. Hmm. Maybe you have friends who are jealous of you, who are now, who are jealous of you and are crazy about you. Jealousy comes automatically. Yes. Even God himself says that he's a jealous God. Jealous God. Once I'm in a relationship, you say I want to own that man. I want that ownership. So that when I get someone, when I realize that there's someone who also wants to own the same man I want to own, you see it will come automatically. Yeah. When you truly love, love comes with the jealousy, I'm telling you. And when you're in a relationship, where your partner is jealous over you, then there's a problem somewhere. That person doesn't love you, doesn't care about you. Yeah. When I love you, I'll always be jealous. I'll always be worried about people who are around you. Around the environment. Yeah. When I see you hanging around with ladies every time and again. Relationship. Maybe it's just work, it's work related. For example, I don't know if it's, for example, DJ. DJ and in the club, if there's someone who wants to take a photo or request to take a selfie. Actually, half of the DJs who are on Instagram, see on Instagram, generally social media, when I post a picture, they're like that. Why events? So in your situation, would you feel like it's competition? How would you manage it? You would know. How will you know? If it's just a general thing, I'll just know. I'm a woman. I see women we feel. Leave alone knowing. When your husband is, like when your spouse or your partner is not straight, you'll just feel. And then out of feeling, you investigate. And you get the truth. You shot your CID in one person. Yeah, you'll feel. It's not possible that there's just this one woman, this one lady in a club who keeps coming for requests. Today she came, tomorrow she'll be there with selfies. I'll just know that she's not straight. I'll just know. I'll just know. I'll just know. When you see a woman, she'll be like that. And then out of feeling, after feeling, you'll investigate and you'll come out with the truth. Yeah. Let me come back to you and recall. In your case, how would you judge that situation? For example, you're dating a DJ and she's posted to them. She'll say, I'm a job. She'll say, I'm a DJ. How is it that DJ? I've posted. I've posted. If you post it. I've posted. She'll say, I'm a DJ. She'll say, I'm a DJ. She'll say, I'm a DJ. She'll say, and then she'll say, I'm a Mr. She'll say, I'm a personal love life. She'll say, I'm a DJ. See, I'm a DJ, I'm a DJ. I'll just know about profiles. Because even if you take a picture, then you'll see a DJ. She'll like that. She'll say, Yeah. So in short, number one, that's like your fighting for the number one sport. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Charity who said you can't. Sorry, Nicole, you said you can't date a DJ. Now let me give you a situation. For example, you're married as the second wife. You want to know this situation? You've been married as a second wife and you have to fight. You have to fight for recognition, you have to fight. Come up for example, you see the African setup in your home, but on the other side, the first wife on the other side. In your situation, Nicole, how would you go about that? And remember, he's a good man, remember? Second wives don't fight. Second wives don't fight. First wives don't fight. You feel like first wife don't fight? Second wives are a bit too fresh to make. I don't think second wives fight. So in your situation, they're always on top. Maybe first wife don't fight. So how would you go about that? I'll let you deal with it. I think second wives fight. They're always on top. Second wives fight anyway. In your situation, what would you do? Me? I know for you, you would even try Kamote. You can help me in that. Kamote, you will. If I'm convinced that I can get help out of it, I'll go for it. But let me say, if I'm a second wife, I'll change the narrative and say that polygam is not about a man having many women, but every woman having a man. I'll now have a new narrative and I'll protect him. I'll make him tell me the weaknesses of the first wife. You'll make him tell you? I'll make him tell me the weaknesses of the first wife. What do you mean it's not a person to tell on other people? I know he'll tell me. Play me tell you men are weak. And during dating, when he seriously wants you, we know when to ask what. And a man will tell you, I want to marry you because my wife is lazy. My wife does not do this. My wife does not do this. And now when I get married, I work on that. I work against these weaknesses. Wow. I'll now be having the advantages. Because it is very rare for a man to discuss about second wife with the first wife. It's very rare. Unless, but when I'm coming in, you see, I'll ask, why do you want to marry a second wife? I want to marry you because my wife is lazy. My wife does not do for me these days. So when I get into that marriage, that is what I do. I do what that woman doesn't do. But some men are just polygamous. Some men are? They just want to have two wives. Yeah, sure. There's that... There's that, there's that... There's that African aspect. Yeah. Even our four fathers, all our grandfathers, even some of us to me took on a second wife, third wife, yeah. What it was I was the angel, and it's like this. There's no story coming out. Do you feel like in the modern-day generation, you also have a lot of pressure to maintain and fight till the end? Are we part of that? Like now, I love the fact that you'll say, I will fight for you or your family. Do you feel like a generation two, What are your aspects? You have to fight in your pattern That's it, you have to fight There's no way out You have to fight for the man You see, it's even easier when the man approaches you For a lady, how do you fight for a man? I just strive to get his attention his love, his time and everything How? I do what makes him happy That makes him wants to come more to me I realize the number one thing I do is get into a relationship I learn this man I take my time to study and learn him properly and know what he wants and what he doesn't want So I realize that this man loves coffee That's what I prepare every morning and give him a call By that time, I don't know what to do I don't know what to do So in short, for you, you're a quick learn You learn very fast You're a quick learn Let me swap it back to Nicole What would you do to keep your man on top? As she said, you do what he likes Yes, you do what he likes Yes, you do what he likes Yes, you do what he likes You do what he likes You do what he likes You do what he likes You do what he likes You do what he likes What is the aspect of your sex? It's like one of the biggest factors in your relationship Do you believe you can have sex on the first day and still you are in the lazy for you Sex is a common denominator in all relationships Actually, I don't know I don't know So on the first date I don't know what to do I don't know what to do sex after wedding I've seen my friends having it after wedding and they end up divorcing So the first date So finally before we sum it up what do you think we can do to ensure healthy relationships a healthy competition that we don't feel hurt we don't feel damaged Let us just be mature Let us be mature Let us be honest in it and let us Let us not fight Let us not fight Be on your own battle and fight your own battle So I'm informed that we are taking a shorter break but please ensure that you keep it hashtag WCW the first spoken segment Twitter is at Y254 channel and Instagramzwad and Y254 We are back with much more Please don't hide the dial Y254 Imajig WCW WCW WCW WCW WCW WCW WCW