 The Craft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the great Gilda Sleeve. The Great Gilda Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. Have you heard the big news from salad dressing headquarters? It's craft salad oil. A special kind of salad oil that makes it easy for anyone to mix perfect French dressings at home. Craft salad oil is super fine. That means it has a lighter body, exactly right for blending better with other ingredients. A little later I'm going to tell you about some wonderful French dressing recipes you can get with craft salad oil. So keep listening. Well, it looks like the Great Gilda Sleeve's nephew Leroy is going to camp this summer. What a lucky fellow. A whole month of swimming in the lake, hiking through the woods, singing songs around the campfire to top off the day. This evening Leroy is getting together all the necessary paraphernalia. Can I come in a minute? Oh, come in, my boy. I'll interrupt you while you're paying your monthly bills. That's all right. It's one time when I don't mind being interrupted. What's on your mind? Uncle, are you going to use your canoe paddle this summer? Well, I hadn't planned to. Gene, you don't have to have a canoe that goes with it. Well, I used to have a canoe and a guitar that went with it. Yeah? Where are they? It's a long story, my boy. The young lady I was entertaining at the time didn't know much about paddling a canoe. It's tipped over, huh? Yep. The guitar sank. The young lady waited home. And all I've got left is the paddle. What do you want with it, Leroy? I thought I'd take it with me to camp this summer. Camp? Yeah. I'm getting my equipment all set. Your canoe paddle, your fishing rod, your sleeping bag, your compass... Looks like I'm the one who should be going to camp. Well, I'm taking my own bathing trunks. Well, in mind, you'd need a compass. Boy, am I going to have fun at camp, but can't wait for schools out. Leroy, before you get too worked up about camp, haven't you forgotten something? I don't think so. Sleeping bag, fishing rod... No, no, no. That isn't what I mean, my boy. I seem to recall a little agreement we had made when the subject of camp first came up. Yeah? What kind of agreement? Yeah, I'll refresh your memory. I agreed to send you to camp if you brought home a better report card. Report card? That thing you bring home from school with Cs and Ds on it, you know? Oh, that. Yeah, that. You were pretty low on a couple of subjects, but you agreed to pull them up in exchange for a summer at camp. Did I agree to do that? Must have been out of my mind. It's just about report card time again, isn't it? Yeah, tomorrow. The kids call it terrible Thursday. Well, I can see you're not worried about it. I'm not? You must be pretty confident in getting out your camping equipment and all. Yeah, I'll bet you've been studying harder this term than you've ever studied in your life. I guess so. You bet. When I was in school, my boy, I never got a grade below C plus on my report card. And you know you can do as well as I can. I can? Yeah. So have fun getting ready for camp and let me know if I have anything else you'd like to borrow. I wonder if I can borrow one of his report cards. Marjorie? Yes, Bertie? What's wrong with Leroy? Leroy? Look at him out the window there. Drag him home from school. Where, Bertie? Coming down the sidewalk, kicking a can. Uh-oh. This is report card day. The way he kicked that can, the news must be bad. Oh, I hope not, Bertie. His crypto camp depends on this. That poor little boy. Hello, Leroy. Hello, Leroy. Hi. Anything happen at school today? Let's not beat around the bush. I don't get to go to camp. Oh, little Leroy. May I see your report card, Leroy? If you want to. It's in the envelope. These grades don't look so bad, Leroy. Yeah? When did you get down to the E in English? An E. Miss Turner gave it to me. Oh, well, you haven't till June to make it up. Yeah, but this is the report card that uncle's checking. An E in English. Why don't I give up? Not Leroy. Don't you be discouraged. Well, an E isn't passing, Bertie. Well, maybe the school changed the grading system. Maybe that E's there for the excellence. Oh, Bertie. Oh, I sure didn't get a single A. Well, maybe that's good. It could stand for awful. Bertie, I know you're trying to make Leroy feel better, but I don't think you can sell that to Uncle Mort. No, ma'am, I guess not. Well, I guess I better put my camp and equipment back in the attic. Can't use it this year. You're going to give up so easily, Leroy. Gosh, there's nothing I can do, Bertie. Okay, that was a time when Leroy would find a way, but I guess that day is gone. How's it means that this time? Okay, Leroy's through. Put the camp and stuff away. The sleet and bag you was going to curl up into the campfire, or go to New Pall, you said you were going to win a race with, and that fishing rod you were going to catch that big whopper with. Don't put anything away yet, Bertie. That's more like it. Leroy, you can't change that E. No, ma'am, but he can change his uncle. Report card to Uncle when he comes home. Well, you have to know about it sometime, Leroy. You have to take it back to school. Miss Turner and her E's still have to take it back. Piggy Bacon lost his report card one time and couldn't find it for weeks. Leroy, you have it right in your pocket. It isn't lost. Well, I've got a lot of things in my pocket that have gotten lost. Marbles, jackknights, bubblegum. I'm capable of losing a report card. Well, Uncle Mort will be home any minute, and if I were you, I wouldn't try any funny business. She doesn't know I'm giving up. She's never been to a boy's camp. I wonder how Piggy lost his report card. If I did happen to lose mine for a while, I bet this whole thing would blow over, and Uncle forget about it and let me go to camp. Duffy in here. Why don't I open the window? Nice breeze. Now, I'll put the report card in the envelope and lay it on the ledge. If anything needs air, it's this report card. Of course, if the breeze happens to blow it away, and Uncle asks me where my report card is, I'll just have to be honest and tell him I don't know. Well, I guess I might as well go downstairs. And if I leave the door open, it might create a draft. There it goes, fluttering out the window. Nature sure is tricky. When you can blow that report card into the gutter, it can go from there into a storm drain and float out into the river. It could go anywhere, around the world. Well, I might find it floating in the lake this summer when a mountain lake should move. Hello, everybody. I'm home. Hey, Zunk, you got lost just in time. Coming up the walk, I found this envelope with your name written on it. Is that a note from your little girlfriend? This girl has no friends. Thank you, sir. Now, if everybody will excuse me a minute, I'll go get a cigar. Everybody stay at the table, please. Hey, beginning to sound like a meeting. I'm probably going to ask about your report card. I'm surprised Auntie didn't look at it when he picked it up in the yard. He thought it was a note from some girl. I sure thought he's going to bring up that report card at dinner. Well, I kept him off the subject, but from now on, you two have got to give me some help. Leroy, I don't know why you don't show it to Auntie and get it over with. Mark, I've got to have time to figure out something. I'll have a second cup of coffee now, Bertie. Yes, sir. Your cigar for you, aunt. Thank you, my boy. You're being unusually thoughtful tonight. Well, I always think about like your cigars, but sometimes I don't get around to doing it. Ah. Anything interesting happened here at home today, mind you? Um, nothing really. I tried to think of something. Bertie, anything new with you today? Yeah, Bertie, tell us what happened to you today. All day. Well, I'm trying to think of something, but I can't think of anything except what I'm thinking about. Big help. Now, let's get around to little Leroy. Yeah. Tell us about your day, my boy. Anything important take place at school? Well, trade. Well, thank you. Now, tell us about school. Speaking of last day. Leroy, I have a feeling you're trying to change the subject. There's something of importance that happened to you today. You do? Marjorie, I found an envelope in the yard this afternoon with Leroy's name on it. Yep. I was just turning in the yard when I saw it blow out of Leroy's window. You did? I assumed it was a note from one of Leroy's little girlfriends. Was I right, Leroy? Uh-uh. Let's not talk about my girlfriends. I bet when you were in school, you got a lot more notes than I ever will. Hey, I'll bet you're a big wheel with a girl. Don't you mind talking about it, huh? Right, George Leroy, you're taking me back a good many years. Good. And once I start reminiscing, I can go on all evening. You know, I think I'll go upstairs and find my old high school manual. Sure, I'll clear an excuse. Some of those girls got pretty mushy when they signed their names in my yearbook. Later, Leroy. Yeah, all right, Anki. Leroy, you're not gaining a thing by postponing the inevitable. Marge, I know what I'm doing. You see how slick I got him off the subject? I sure thought he had you cornered. Yeah, not me. I like to match wits with old lunk. I guess I'm just too sharp for him. You know, it's strange to me that Anki mistook a report card for a note from a girl. Yeah, anybody should be able to tell they have a note in it. They don't have a note in it. What? The Great Gilda Sleeve will be back in just a moment. Do you know why it is these days so many women are serving salads with their own homemade French dressing? It's because they've discovered this is an easy way to get more variety into their meals. In a minute or two, they can mix a wonderful dressing that gives new interest to even the most ordinary salad. Just to show you how simple it is, Kraft has attached a recipe folder to each bottle of Kraft salad oil at your grocers. In the folder are recipes for six different easy-to-make French dressing. There's a cranberry French dressing that turns cottage cheese into a feast. And a rope-for-dressing that the swankiest restaurant would be proud of. And an out-of-this-world French dressing for your next tossed salad. The real secret that makes all six of these dressings so easy to shake up and so extra good is Kraft salad oil. This is a special kind of salad oil. Kraft oil is the one oil that is superfine to give it a lighter body. It blends better with the other ingredients the recipe calls for. Tomorrow morning, pick up a bottle of superfine Kraft salad oil at your grocers. And be sure to get your free recipe folder that tells you how to become a real master at making French dressings your very first try. Troy's report card is causing him a little embarrassment. He got a low grade in the English. He tried to lose his report card by letting it blow out the window. Well, we hate to say it, but it served Leroy right when it blew right into the hands of the great gilded slave. How did you know I was trying to lose it? Leroy, I couldn't help being a little curious. When I saw you open the window and stick your report card way out on the ledge. No camp this summer, huh? No camp. According to our agreement, you had to be up in all four subjects if you wanted to go to camp for four weeks. I was up in three subjects and down in one. How about going to camp for three weeks? What? You can knock off a week for the E in English. No, Leroy, a rule is a rule. This has become a matter of principle. You shouldn't have tried to put one over on me. Gosh. If I really wanted to trick you, I could have. Watch this, my boy. I could have put my report card in the furnace and you'd never have seen it. But I wouldn't do that. I was a good little boy and practically dropped it in your lap. No, Leroy. Hey, why didn't I think of burning it? No, you might as well forget about camp. I'm sorry because I was hoping you'd get to go. To you that the only subject I got a low mark in was English. I? That teacher could have had it in for me, you know. Leroy, let's not try to shift the blame to your teacher. Oh, I'm not. Miss Turner has nothing against you. I don't know. I'm not a very popular kid with Miss Turner. Leroy, no teacher would give you a low grade on purpose. Well, maybe she doesn't subconsciously. Like I say, she's the only one who breaks me down. Looks fishy. Yes, yes. You should see some of the ridiculous marks she gives me on the themes I hand in. Pretty bad, huh? The themes are good, but she graves them bad. Do you, uh, keep your themes, my boy? I'll say. She tries to funk me at the end of the year. I'll need them for evidence. No kidding, there's wealth. Wouldn't surprise me if I turned out to be a writer. Well, you tell a good story. No kidding, huh? I've been getting a raw deal. All right. Call your English themes down tonight, and I'll read them. Yeah? If I decide Miss Turner's giving you a raw deal, you can go to Kent. How do you like that? Crap myself again. The themes you'll know I deserve that low grade. In fact, Miss Turner was being real nice when she gave me that e. If I can get Mr. Peavey and some of his friends to come over, I might forget about them. Sure, Mr. Peavey'll help me. He's a good guy. What can I do for you today? Mr. Peavey, can you remember when you were a little kid? Again? How big a little kid? About like me. No, Leroy, I remember very well when I was your age, strange as it may seem. Well, when you were a kid, did you ever want to go to camp? Yes. As I recall, I wanted to go to camp with Teddy Roosevelt in the Rough Riders. No, I mean going to boys' camp this summer. Mr. Peavey, would you help a little kid swing it? Why do I have to buy it to help the cause? Well, you don't have to buy anything. All I want you to do is come over and spend the evening with us tonight. That'll get you to camp? Yeah, well, I'm promised to send me to camp if I got good grades on my report card. Well, one of the grades didn't come out so hot. English. He's not giving me a last chance by reading my themes tonight to see if they're any good. And I take it you don't want that, Sam. I sure don't. If you come over and visit with him, maybe he'll forget to read them. Well, you know, I'll make a deal with you. Gosh, I always have to make a deal. If you were promised to pull up your grades before school is out, I'll do what I can to get you to camp. Oh, boy, will you, Mr. Peavey? I know your uncle would like to see you go. Oh, hey, he's parking out front. I bet he's coming in here. Where can I go? You better scoot out the back way. Yeah, thank you, Mr. Peavey. All right, LeRoy. Well, I'm not accustomed to inviting myself to people's houses, but here goes. Well, hello, Mr. Guilnessy. What can I do for you today? They'll give me a coat, Peavey. Well, huh? Yeah, it's getting a little warm outside. Well, if something will be glad to hear it. Here's your nickel. This one's on the house, Mr. Guilnessy. Oh. And what kind of cigars do you like? Mr. Peavey, you know the kind of cigars I buy. I know the kind you buy, but what kind do you like? Well, at the annual waterboard meetings, I usually break out one of those 50-setters. Very well. Here's one on the house. Peavey, are you running for office? Oh, my nose. Well, thanks. Quite a cigar. I'll bring another one over to your house tonight. To my house? I thought I might call on you for a while this evening. Well, any other time, I'd be glad to see you, Peavey, but I'm going to be busy tonight. You mean you don't want me to come? I didn't say that. Well, that's the impression I got. No, Peavey. Of course, if you haven't time for your friends. Peavey. I thought you'd come in here, but if I'm not welcome at your house, I... Oh, my goodness. I give you free coax, free cigars. I try to hold up my end of the friendship, but if it comes to the breaking point... Peavey, for goodness sakes, come over tonight. And now you'll be interchangeable. Mr. Guilty, is Mr. Peavey coming over? Yes, Bertie, he is. You staying in or going out tonight? I don't know what Peavey wants to do, Bertie. I don't even know why he's coming over. But before he does, I wish you'd send Leroy into the den. I want to go over his English beans. Yes, sir. I'll send him right in. I'll do that right away. Yes, sir. Leroy! Mr. Guilty bars you and them things in the den. Yeah? How you gonna hold him off till Mr. Peavey gets here? Gosh, I thought I had that taken care of. There's the doorbell. I got it taken care of. I guess you're in time, Peavey. Right on the nose. Come in, Judge. Thank you. Who is it, Leroy? Ah, guess what? Your old friend Judge Hooker came to call on you. Hello, Gilda. Judge, I didn't expect to see you tonight. I know you didn't. But it seemed the most appropriate evening to call. The judge was very nice to think about you, aren't you? Well, make yourself at home in the parlor, Judge. I have a little business to take up with Leroy. Say something, Judge. Yeah. Gilda, this is a fine way to treat a caller. What? Give me off the minute I get here. Judge, I have to closet myself for a little while and do some very important reading. Do you mean you prefer to go off someplace and read while I, your guest, cool my heels in the parlor? Oh, Goli doesn't have heels. He has hoofs. I don't know when I've been sewing something. No, Judge. Why does everybody insist on visiting me tonight? It shows how popular you are, Gilda, in spite of your rudeness. Peavey, everybody. Peavey? Oh, it's Peavey. Oh, Judge. Nice to get to know you. Here's that other cigar I promised you. You all right, Peavey. Let's everybody sit down. I didn't know you were coming over, Peavey. I didn't expect to see you here either. Doesn't it make you feel good to have so many good friends drop in on you? Well, there's a little flattering Leroy, especially the way they insist on coming. Oh, hello, Mr. Peavey, Judge. Hello, Margaret. It looks like a convention. Oh, excuse me. I'll get it, Auntie. It's Floyd. Oh, is he coming, too? Mr. Munson said to tell you he couldn't come over tonight. Okay, okay. Did I say something wrong? What's going on? Did you invite a house full of people over here tonight? Well... Horace, did you know I plan to spend the evening checking Leroy's English themes? Don't cross-examine me. I'm a lawyer. Peavey, I suppose you came over tonight just to enjoy my company. No, I wouldn't say that. March into the day. You and I are going to read those themes. I'll see you and the judge know where the cribbage board is. I'll see you later. All right. Yeah, we're good nation to take my cigar and go home. Now, Leroy, let's have them. Here they are. No, no, no, not the one off the top. It's probably your best one. I'll take one out of the middle. And here. Uh-huh. Here's one, Miss Turner-Mike, with a big red E. And what's the title? My favorite subject. My boy. You don't spell favorite. F-A-V-R-I-T. Don't carry on. Don't read it. I'll give up trying to get to camp. Leroy, you're going to sit and listen and suffer through it with me. Now, let's begin. When I am asked to write about my favorite subject, it's easy. Favorite. He is a subject that is very close to me. It is too bad other kids do not have one as good as me. Leroy, that's very bad English. I know. I don't blame Miss Turner for grading you low. Well, let's wade through it. Have you guessed who my favorite subject is? No, he is not a dog. He is the City Water Commission. He is also my uncle and the best uncle a kid could have. Leroy. And that is why I say it is too bad other kids don't have one as good as me. See, I don't see anything so wrong with this. Good job. Well, I can see how Miss Turner could give you an E for grammatical errors, but by George, the subject matter deserves an A. Here, let me go on. He is a big man who aren't afraid of nobody. Yes, Pee-Vee, come see what little Leroy wrote. The Great Guiltlessly will be back in just 30 seconds. Don't let anyone tell you that all the salad oils your grocer carries are alike. There's one oil that's different, and it's called craft salad oil. This oil was created by craft with exactly the qualities needed for perfect homemade French dressings and for finest baking. Craft oil is superfined by an exclusive process. That means it's lighter-bodied. It actually blends better with other ingredients. Get lighter-bodied craft oil when you shop tomorrow. It's $1.60 and $25. Well, Leroy, what are you doing by the phone? Adding up my money. I'm writing a dough to pay my expenses at camp. Yeah, good for you. Right, George, you're a fine boy. Thanks, John. You may not be the smartest, but you've got character, and that's what counts. Yeah. Good luck with your project, my boy. Thanks, John. Now, who's next on the list? Here it is. Point it for you. Two bits of copy results guarantee to your money back. The Great Guildersleeve is played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White. It is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Cutley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross, and Dick the Grand. Musical composition by Jack Neakin. This is John Easton saying goodnight for the Craft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Guildersleeve. This week, the Craft Foods Company salutes home demonstration clubs in more than 60,000 American communities. All year long, these clubs pursue a practical program of training farm and urban women so they'll be more efficient homemakers and better equipped to meet family problems and understand world conditions. National Home Demonstration Week is now being celebrated throughout the nation. Special activities are highlighting the responsibilities of the home in developing healthy, happy citizens who can meet the future with courage and confidence. Next, Groucho Marx presents You Bet Your Life on NBC.