 Oh, this show today? There's a question. How do I balance my priorities without being overwhelmed? I'm overwhelmed. And is it okay if my college student moves back in after graduation? And do I need to cut off my parents after I get married? No cutting off parents, maybe to the moving end. We'll see what all the sisters think. Stay tuned. Welcome to Sister to Sister. You have joined a beautiful, intelligent women of God. We are women of God. And you write us questions all the time that sometimes get us to be riled up. So we'll see how this is today, because the questions that you write, we answer from our hearts and from a biblical point of view. In most cases, I'm not sure today, because there's two that are contentious to me. This first one, listen, someone wrote, is it necessary for your relationship with your parents to change once you're married? My husband expects me to cut them off from my daily life. Husband. But I talk to my mom every day. Okay, so you can probably imagine how I feel. How do you feel, Flo? I don't know about my feelings, but I think they need to really take a look at what leaving and cleaving means. Leaving and cleaving doesn't necessarily mean abandoning. I don't need to abandon my parents. You honor them. And that's why I'm able to honor you, because I learned that at home. So I think when you have a situation like that, first of all, let me back it up. When you get married, the scripture clearly says that we are to leave and cleave. Now, I think the challenge comes in as, what does that look like? What does leaving look like? Leaving does not look like me dishonoring, abandoning my parents. The relationship may shift. For example, I was a daddy's girl. So there are things that I would run to my father for. And thank God for the women in my family that could give me Godly counsel. Believe me, it saved his life a few times. So, you know what's true. Which is what? But I do think that we have to watch, we do this with friends, not just parents. I can't call Corey and tell her all of what's going on in my marriage, and shame me, my husband on covering him. My wise woman built her house. But how do I learn to be a wise woman from the other women in my life? You know? And so I think that that's part of the challenge. And so I think good boundaries and a loving attitude is part of that answer. And so you tell the husband? Quit acting stupid. Yeah, there you go. Yes, I think that. Exactly. I pray a little bit this morning. I need a little bit. Okay, a little bit. A little bit. Get it off for it. That sounds a little bit like the husband is feeling like he's not a priority and that communication needs to happen. I think that you need to find a way to convey to your husband that your love for your parents in no way diminishes your love for him. And that you need to make sure that your husband is feeling like a priority and that he is a priority in your relationship. And I mean, I think there's some unanswered questions here. Are you talking on the phone every hour? Are you running to your parents complaining about your husband? Are you asking your parents inappropriate questions? Going to your parents for things that you should be going to your husband for? I think there's a lot of unanswered questions here that you need to make sure that that leaving and cleaving is happening and that your husband is your new family. And that's a hard thing to do. When you first get married, it is very difficult. You have had that relationship with your parents and now there is a shift and that is now with your husband. It's a new relationship. And so there does have to be, I don't wanna say a cutting off, but it is a shift in a change that does not mean you dishonor, but there does have to be a change. We literally moved to another state and that was the best thing for our marriage. It was difficult, but it's what needed to happen for our marriage. Well, I didn't move. How about like the person's background? Like if you come from a family-oriented background and you marry somebody who doesn't know, you know, then that can bring challenges of its own. My big fact, here we go. This is my life. I forget what I was gonna say about that, but I didn't leave the town I was born in so I'm a little different and I was with my parents and they were my best friends. They were everything to me. You guys know that, I've said many times. I do wanna say this about what I did and you're right about sharing. Your husband is not your parents, first of all. Don't replace your husband with your parents with your husband. He is not your parent, okay? But I do have to say this, what I found that occurred naturally and it just might be the ethnicity. I don't know what it is. I included my husband in those conversations. I went to dinner at my parents and we had those conversations. Include him in some of them because what's Proverbs 31 say? The heart of her husband trusts her. My husband trusted her. I'm not gonna be yapping about him or complain. I'm gonna go right to him. He knows me. I'll go to you before I go to anybody else about what bothers me and you come to me. So include your spouse with your parents and my mother, my dad, my husband love my mother and my father. He became like their son. And then I was like, okay, where am I? So you get to that point. It's a beautiful thing if it works together. I know how close you are with your parents. Well, yeah, I mean, my mother-in-law lives down the street and she calls each of us both separately every day, probably, and my mom and dad don't call that much, but we are very close with them. They are our best friends. I mean, if you just think about all of your life and your work life and your church life, how precious and dear is the family that God has given you? And that doesn't mean there's no boundaries. I do not call my parents and rip on my husband. There's a trust there. They have his back and they don't allow me to. And, you know, he doesn't call my mother-in-law and talk crap on me. She will fight for me. You know, there are healthy boundaries in play. Not that we don't. Sometimes I'll get a meshed. But thank God for the rich, bountiful family that God's given you. And we're all blessed with that. Before I got to that point, maybe you all didn't have this. I included him in the conversation, Roxy. I did. He just didn't hear it, but I included him. And I included him so much, that's how I got my understanding about how I was supposed to carry myself as a wife. You understand what I'm saying? I just wanted to share that. I like it. I like it. Now I'm going to go to kids. We were talking about parents. Now I'm going to go to kids. And here's the question that you wrote to us. Thank you. My college student is graduating and intending to move back home with me. My husband doesn't believe she should, but that she should go off and make it on her own. See, I told you it was contentious today. I agree it would be better for her to go on her own, but I don't see the harm in her coming back. Amy, what do you think? Well, okay. So I've got two like college age kids, you know? One could stay as long as he or she wanted. And the other, it could not work at all to stay in that, because it would be constant contention, right? I mean, there's just something in a personality, in a drive, it's like you've got to go be you, you know? But I think that home is a place that kids should always feel welcome to come to. Not to stay for the next 25 years, maybe, maybe not depending on your situation, but that we really are a launching pad. And I thought about the funny story about Jesus and Mary and it's really very humorous. He hasn't done no miracles. She knows he's the son of God. And he's guys, he's about almost 30. And he's at home. He's just now in the chapter before launching out to get his disciples and to gather the team to go do the work of the Lord. And they're at a wedding and she's like, yeah, it's time for you to do a miracle. And he's like, no, it's not my time woman. And she's like, do whatever he says. Like it's time. So there's this essence of launching your kids out to do the will of God also. Do you remember the movie called Failure to Launch? It was Matthew McConaughey and he wouldn't leave his mother. Okay. Hello to my son. No, it's okay. What do you have? Okay, back it up. Somebody, somebody. I'll save her somebody, save her. I have two adult children as well. And what my husband and I have agreed upon at this point in time is that there will always be a roof over their heads and food on the table. That that is, you know, always going to be there, but our house is always going to have house rules as well. And we're not going to enable easy living for the rest of their lives. So there's going to be food. There's going to be a roof, but you know, they've also seen that if you're not actively being educated, you also need to actively be supporting yourself. So that has worked out. Hello, somebody. I love having them there. This is such a sweet time. I love having our family dinners, like the conversations. I mean, it doesn't happen all the time, but like when we're together, it's just such an amazing new place that we're at. So I mean, you're missing out on a blessing by shoving your college students out the door. There might be something they need to learn in a different relationship, not in the parent child. If God is calling them back in, exhibit A, me. I didn't leave till I cleaved, I guess. I was going to school and working. I was productive, of course, Corey. So I think you'll be okay with that. Sometimes there's something they need to learn in that interim. He said for a bit, or she said for a bit. Be open to the Lord. What is it now in the season and their life that I could transfer that I couldn't before? Is it finances? Is it relationships? Is it adult? So be open to what God has, because this culture, I'm so tired of culture dictating, they're 18, they gotta go. That's the American culture. Go look at all the other countries. They're living at home because they can't afford it. They're taking care of their elderly. They're respecting and honoring. So don't get tied up to the culture that you're missing a time with your child. That's so good. And I have one more question, and I'm gonna go to the wisdom of flow, which is what I do when I'm not sure what to do. And here it is. And you wrote this to us also, how do I balance the priorities in my life and not feel overwhelmed? And I know you have many balls in the air all the time. How do you do it? I have to say that my balancing comes from first feeling overwhelmed. So you have to allow yourself, it's a process. And when I feel overwhelmed, then I realize that something's out of order, straight and narrow is the way, right? Yeah. So I love having accountability partners. And I don't like guest people around me. I really, really, really don't, just don't. And there's something about like the word says, instruct a wise man, he'll become even wise. Extract a foolish man, he'll become angry. And how that ties into this for me is having people in my life, some people will say to me, Flo, you're doing too much, you need to slow it down. Or they'll show me where I might not always see it, but it shows up in some of the work that I'm doing that I'm not, as some would say, fully present. Because I got too many things going on. So I, for me, the balancing comes in when I see, I must first be realistic about I am out of balance. And I think it can be very deceptive, even if you're good at juggling things, you may think that you're doing it well. You may be doing five things, but are you doing those five things well? And that's the thing, like the prayer of J-Bass, enlarge my territory. So you may have five things on your plate, but when God enlarges the territory, if I was doing a presentation with a plate of food here, on a smaller plate, those things really look jumbled together. But on a larger plate, they all have their own identity. That's good, Amy, how do you do the priorities because you're raising children still? Yeah, so we just had to have a come to Jesus meeting because I have a whole lot going on in my own life, Buck has his whole busy, Gloria has her whole, we each had our own very full busy worlds. So we said every Monday night, we would always have family dinner night and we tried to do it other nights, but Monday night, don't book anything for family. And then thank God for Rabbi Daniel Lapin because he just wrote a book about being holy you. And he said, break your life down and these faith, family, friends, finances and fitness. So we sit there and we talk about, okay, how are we with our faith and our spiritual walk? Okay, what about our friends? Is there anything we need to address, talk about? It just sort of gives you like a well-balanced picture. So you're not like all hobby, no God, all family, no work. It's like it kind of helps you keep the wheel spinning right. So that's kind of what we started to like. I like it. Roxy, you have lots. Oh yeah, and the scripture says, teach us to number our days, that we may give you a heart of wisdom. I think sometimes we do too much out of pride. Yes, yes. Come on, that's so good. I won't say no because I'm too proud. You think I could do so much. You think I'm so great. I'm a Proverbs 31 woman. I could do it all. That is pride, okay? We're gonna slash it up a little bit on the 31 lady. Not her, but us trying to be her. Because God has appointed a time and a place for everything. So what I've done in my schedule, I have learned to start saying no because there's a frustration, there's an overwhelming. Am I called to do it? Am I supposed to do it? Is this the time? Put it off till later and it'll come back. Don't think you can't let it go because that's pride. And the other things, let things go. You don't have to wash the sheets every week. Wash the pillowcases. What? Compromise. Yes, you do. Okay. Teach your children. Here's what I have to do. I have to take a break. Go ahead. So that the people can get their coffee and come right back. So we'll see you in just a minute. Good job. Okay. Hi, welcome back. You know, we continue to talk. Yes, we do. When you're not here. And I wish you were, because it was really good. And we are contentious a little bit. Yes, we don't always agree, which is okay. I love, if I can, I know we got time, but I love the point that you bought up because sometimes it really is pride. And it can be pride that, you know, it's not just pride, it's not just pride. You know, somebody thinks that we're great and sometimes it's pride that we think that we're so great. And so if God gives you, he might lay something on your heart, a vision, something to be done, but it may be for somebody else to do it. Yes. Right. And if you didn't catch the beginning of the last show, that was talking about balancing our priorities. So we, we're trying. We're trying. She's trying. We're just going on. But listen to this question. You know, this is really good because I think this relates to you. So you wrote it to us, but I know a lot of you feel this way. My son grew up in the church. My daughter, my son accepted Christ, totally turned away from God. Does that mean that he was never saved in the first place? Hmm. Cory. Well, first of all, I don't think that we should be hanging our hat on the Sunday school salvation card and then just kind of wiping our hands of it and saying we're all good. Okay. I think, you know, a lot of Christian parents out there do that. And I think there's a danger in that. Okay. I also don't think that we should be determining what is or isn't in our young adults' hearts. Okay. That is not for us to determine. I cannot tell you how many times, not a month, not a week, but in a day that I stand on the promise of Proverbs 22, 6, train up a child in the way they should go. And when they are old, they will not depart from it. Good one. The Bible does not define what old is. Okay. I stand on that promise so much. The Bible does not define what old is. That could be when they're in their 20s. That could be when they're in their 90s and they're on their deathbed. But I stand on that promise. It is so hard to see your children's struggle, to see them go through a faith crisis, to see them struggle through things. But we have to remain faithful in our prayers, in our beliefs that God will remain faithful in his promise that the truth that we raised our kids up in, the truth, God's truth is truth. And that they will not turn away from it when they are old. I love it, Corrine. I know that you heard, your heart heard what Corrine said. Amy, what do you have? Yeah. I wanted to be very specific with this one because it is a very strong concern for parents. And doctrinally, the ones saved always saved. So I wanted to bring up these few specific points. Of course, John 3.36 says, whoever believes in the sun has eternal life. Period. Whoever believes in the sun has eternal life. Salvation is received and maintained by faith in Christ alone. It's not what you do. It's what Christ did for you. You can't sin your salvation away, but you can renounce it. It's something, it's this salvation, what Jesus did. It's not something you lose that you can choose to reject it. And I think it's important to know that that darkness cannot overpower the light. There's even qualifications in the scripture for you to renounce and to walk away from your faith. So you have to be so, so adamant, so heart-hearted, so cold-hearted to walk away from your faith. The tension with this question is the balance between the law and grace. There's a tension there because you can't do all works of the law and I earn my way to salvation. And it's not all grace. I do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, and I'm saved and going to heaven to heck with God and the great work of salvation. So it's something to consider prayerfully and with scripture, but never lose hope in your children. I love it. Flo, I know that you're thinking about this. Well, I was glad she came back and brought some more clarity to that. And I thank God for some more studying that because there were times we had stuff like this before and anyway, praise God. So, but let me just stay with the child. I believe that each of us have to know God for ourselves. And I think some people think that inherently because this is my child, I'm saved, I'm the pastor, my children are saved, they gave their life to the Lord when they were six years old. Well, when they hit 16, it's a whole another thing. And so he's the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And if you study it out, they all had to have their encounter with him. So you don't, I can't will you salvation. You know what I mean? They have to have their encounter with God themselves. And I know for a parent, it can be disheartening to see things. And many of parents have cried and come for counseling and are gripped by fear when they see that. Cause I mean, you're concerned about your child going to hell, but I do believe strongly in the power of prayer. And I do believe that children have to, we all have to write our own testimony. And so, you know, I think she did a good job, a balanced job on that great debate. It is a great debate. One saved, always saved. And, but at the same time, stepping away from that and just looking at this particular question about the son, I would encourage the mother to stand fast and do all that she knows to do in fasting and praying. Can you close this out with a scripture on this? What do you have? Yeah, well, it goes both ways. I just want to say this about it. I don't know if one saved, always saved, or eternal security. That's a debate we're going to find out in heaven. And we should debate it. But you're going to have to remember, mom, Jesus left the 99 righteous sheep. They're all sheep. They're not goats. They're sheep. They're part of the flock. And he went after the one that went astray. That's right. He put him on his shoulders and he brought him home. Have hope until the very end because Jesus will bring him home. Oh my goodness. What a wonderful, wonderful thought to leave with our people today because I think this one saved, always saved. My son used to go to church. He doesn't anymore. It tugs at our heartstrings and it tugs at a mother's heart. So what everybody said today is have faith, have hope. God loves your child even more than you do. And on that day there, we're going to close this up. What a great show and so many good things to debate. We could go on and on and on. I just love my sisters and what they bring to the table. But what we love most of all is the word of God. And we always end our show with the scripture. And today's scripture is from 1 John 1 9 from the NIV version. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. This is a verse for everyone. It's for the college student moving back in. It's for the newly married couple that are struggling with parental relationships. It's for the maybe the older person that has just heard that verse for the first time. It's for the young adult that maybe has fallen away from the truths that they have learned their whole lives. And you know who else it's for? It's for the child in Sunday school. A child like me who went to church twice a week and grew up in a Christian home. And as I stood in my bathroom, one night my mom was helping me get ready for bed. She brushed my hair as I stood on the bathroom sink. She asked me this question. Corey, are you a Christian? And I answered yes, because I knew that was the right answer, but I had no idea what that meant. And she explained to me that if I confess my sins, if I believed in Jesus, that I could be saved. And that night I became saved and a child of God and you too can do that no matter where you are, no matter what you've done, come as you are. Oh my gosh, that little story was so sweet. Corey, thank you. This is why this show is pretty amazing. And we end with the scripture, which is really amazing. And it goes like this. As iron sharpens iron, so does the countenance of a man or a woman sharpen the other because Christians make each other better just like the sisters. See you next time.