 When pixels on a screen trump a 10-year marriage What's more valuable to you a 10-year marriage or another man's twitch audience? This story has it all a loyal husband a reaction streamer with hidden motives the exposed cheating through a cat cat Lies and manipulation ending with the primal need for nuclear revenge You will not expect the twist in this episode Warning the following story will be upsetting to cheaters and deceitful streamers Tell the like button that streaming was the bait and now it's fate is the cheaters checkmate I'm a 37 year old female I have been married to my husband for the last 10 years for the sake of privacy I'll call him Dave. He's 36 years old and owns a garage He is an excellent car mechanic and worked for various garages in his teens and 20s He worked really hard and saved up the money to open his own garage Dave is made of the perfect husband material Yes, he has all the qualities you need in a decent man He is loving caring compassionate and a loyal husband. His nature has a lot to do with his rough childhood Dave's father was an alcoholic and a troubled man He used to always come home drunk and hurt Dave's mom even with them around She tried her best to put him in rehab, but he used to relapse every time after coming out Dave was the eldest of his three brothers Dave's mother didn't want her children to grow up without their father and hence tolerated his nuisance Dave was still very young maybe in his preteens when he stood up for his mom And that's when he asked her to divorce his father From that time Dave took up a side hustle as a cleaner in a garage while still in school He was soon promoted to be a mechanic as he started learning the skills fast Dave's mother was already working two jobs, but with the divorce she was freed from feeding her alcoholic husband an addiction Dave did learn from his father How a husband and father shouldn't be Dave never went to college But he was street smart That's what I always liked most about him. He was a witty and quick learner He also ensured that his younger brothers went to college. He worked hard to build a house when we were dating We could have married early in our relationship, but Dave wanted to have a house before the marriage Despite moving in with me. He visited his mother every other day and checked on his brothers His brothers are also married now They both work in a corporate company and earn well, but they all respect and adored Dave for his sacrifices and hard work Dave's mother is also a very gentle woman She treats me like her own daughter and whenever she visits me She brings homemade cookies freshly baked by her The fact that Dave loved and cared for his family so much made me fall in love with him even more Unlike Dave I grew up in a stable family background. My parents were both high school teachers So my brother and I grew up in a very safe and secure environment We were not rich, but my parents ensured that we led a decent life Dave used to work at a garage that was two blocks away from my house. So we were always familiar with each other's faces Besides we lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone in the neighborhood at least by the face. I completed my college degree in mass communication and took up a job at a local news channel I was raised by my parents to be an independent woman My mother especially ensured that I was financially independent Hence I never saw Dave with a lens of any social difference between us. I loved him for the gem of a person He was We started seeing each other after I bought my first car at 23 My parents were clear that we needed to get it by ourselves I used to visit the garage where he was working and more often than not Dave used to service my car We soon became friends and eventually started dating each other My parents also never raised any issue against Dave They were proud that Dave was able to pull out his family from such an adverse condition and carry the load So they could do better In our early days of dating. I made it clear to Dave that I didn't want children Dave wanted to be a father early on but having children was something beyond my plan Initially Dave got upset about it because he was looking forward to being a father Maybe he would have thought of breaking up with me But eventually he was on board about being a childless couple, but he wanted a cat So after our marriage we adopted two sweet cats We had a beautiful marriage and everything was going well Maybe that was the reason I got distracted. I had nothing to worry about at home because Dave was well He's Dave. He would never And he took good care of me emotionally and all needs were met like our home I do believe that sometimes adversity is important so that one is focused on his life and doesn't deviate a Few months ago. I met this guy at the office. I'll call him Tom Tom is 27 years old. He had joined us. So he was the new guy He used to stay by himself as he had no friends yet During lunchtime or breaks when all of us used to have fun together He took the corner table and watched us enjoy ourselves It was his first week at the office and it was pretty normal for everyone to feel out of place It was not the first time I had seen newbies wrapping up at the corner But there was something about him that attracted me Probably his longing Intense eyes. I don't know Bruh On the third or fourth day, I approached him and asked him if he wanted to join me for a coffee run for the team He gladly obliged I asked him if he felt lonely at the new office He nodded saying he was new to the city not only to the office He said he had no friends in the city He was from the interior parts of the town, but he possessed a passion for animation and online gaming So he moved into the central area of the town His family was still put up on the farm I don't know why but I felt certainly obliged to give him company and make him feel more welcome at our company too I asked him more often to join me on the occasional coffee runs It was nothing more than being colleagues. I didn't even consider him as a friend Coincidentally, he was moved to my team during his training period which brought us a bit closer We went for our breaks together. We used to have lunch together And sometimes we used to have dinner together I noticed he was on his phone a lot and he would remark It's his online project or community of whatever. I thought it was a geeky thing. So never asked more That's when I started lying to Dave There was a thing about Dave that he wanted us to share at least one meal of the day together He used to leave early for work and I woke up late So he ensured that we had our dinner together On the days when I went home late, he used to wait patiently for me so we could have it together But it became kind of a hassle to make it work With Tom's entry into the dynamics I started lying to Dave that I was having dinner with my clients Because I couldn't tell him that I was kind of ditching him to stay at work and eat with my junior colleague I did feel guilty sometimes because I liked to eat with Tom But I pacified myself that it was not cheating since there was nothing physical involved There were times when I wanted to cut off Tom, but Dave was always either serious of taking care of stuff Tom was easygoing to the point. It was charming and it relaxed me on the job And most importantly he adored me to be honest. I loved this attention I started dressing up much better for the job red skinny and revealing I did notice a hint of admiration and the playful power dynamic I was married to Dave for 10 years and dated him for 3-ish years So it was a really long time since I was getting male attention. It just felt nice I loved the way he complimented each of my clothes and accessories I started growing a little innocent work crush Thing about Tom, at this point he told me he's a social media influencer with over 190,000 followers But asked me to keep it quiet as he doesn't want it to interfere with his job He apparently streams on twitch with an average viewership of over 20,000 Some two weeks ago he asked me to come to his home studio where he streams life I was excited and intrigued as I loved the media and socials, but I wasn't so familiar with twitch It's funny how we had this big operation going to reach the people Yet he garnered a huge following online all by himself That was the first time we ever met at a private place I looked forward to it, but I also found it thrilling as I was curious to know more about his place I told myself it was purely my interest in mass media But I guess my body and mind were prepared for what was about to happen next I went there and he showed me his studio His set up way more minimalistic than what the studio had But it smelled way nicer too I fantasized how it would be to run my own show And couldn't stop asking him things about his streaming sessions Some questions weren't answered as he told me to wait till going life So I would get the authentic feel of the production I sat opposite of him while he was facing the camera I saw him going live, casually talking about his week, taking questions And providing sports advice on exercises for the gym He also streams live games But on that day, he was scheduled to have an interactive live session I saw another side of Tom and I fell for his charisma I saw one of the screens showing analytics or numbers that were changing And a chat going crazy but couldn't read it I watched him mostly as I didn't want to be seen on screen for obvious reasons No one knew I sat there behind the scenes as he promised me he wouldn't address it It went on for one hour until he ended the stream After wrapping it up, Tom asked my opinion and joked around a bit We kept talking while I walked towards his screen, asking if it was really off It was and we stood there in his studio And I was glad he offered me another drink But with the invitation to drink it on the couch He came and sat beside me on the couch, placing his hands on my thighs I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for saying this But I wasn't feeling guilty when we started it I thought it would just be a one-time thing I felt a vibration of current running through my body And I gave in, all in It was passionate and wild Please understand that at home, Dave was everything but wild So after this, I noticed I didn't feel bad at all Not even the inkling of regret I expected to have But when I reached home, I saw Dave fast asleep Looking at his innocent face did send me on a guilt trip But I convinced myself that I loved Dave And that entanglement with Tom was just a one-time thing Even when I was saying this to myself, I knew I wanted more A few days later, which was yesterday, I asked Tom if we could meet again He asked if I meant for food or coffee I don't know if he didn't get my hint, or if he just acted indifferent His response confused me and I muttered, coffee I went back to my workstation, confused I realized Tom was behaving differently after that night I didn't notice it until then I went to his apartment on a Friday evening And we didn't meet or speak on weekends On the following Monday and Tuesday, I had a busy schedule So I didn't speak to him Wednesday onwards, Tom was on leave and came back only yesterday Which was Thursday We don't communicate on any social media platform It is only face-to-face exchanges between us I spent the entire day overthinking the reason for his indifference towards me I decided not to ask him out again and wait for him to make the move I saw him just burying his head into work Later in the evening, he did text me on my work phone's WhatsApp Saying he was busy and couldn't go out for coffee By then, I had already forgotten that I had asked him for the coffee I texted him back saying, I understand But the thing is, I really don't understand what he was up to Did he want it to be just a one-time thing? Or was he too guilty to continue further? Or was I not so good or not enough for him? I don't know Okay Also, my bigger concern is whether he would blackmail me Or do anything else to break my marriage I don't know I'm getting spells of guilty conscience As well that I cheated on my loving husband All for this man Who is ignoring me after spending only one passionate evening with me It is choking me from the inside This is something so private that I can't even discuss it with anyone You don't have to comment about me being untrustworthy, vile, or a nasty human being I know I did a bad thing here Just please, I'm here Pouring out my heart in front of strangers I know I'll be called names, but this is my truth I'm not here to seek specific advice because I don't know what I want But I'll be reading the messages It's been some three weeks since my first post Life has turned 180 degrees for me I don't know how I'm surviving this or going to survive this I got a lot of hate for my earlier confession But right now, it doesn't matter to me I need to vent out and I don't care what some of you label me Thanks to those who at least tried to understand me and advise me against my lust Or whatever you call it After his first WhatsApp message in which he apologized for turning down my offer for coffee I wanted to ask him if he didn't want to see me But I was scared he would say no I didn't want him to say no I wanted him to crave for me just the way I was After thinking it through, I blatantly asked him why he was ignoring me He said that he wasn't, he was just busy at work I asked him if I wasn't good enough on that day To which he said I was beyond imaginable He said that his cousin came with him and would be staying for a while Hence, he could not take me to his apartment I was quick enough to ask him to meet me at my place Yes, I only thought about my own desires I just wanted to understand him so I jumped in He sensed the desperateness in me and further intensified it He then answered only by asking me to write down in detail What I wanted from him for our next meeting And I did I wrote everything in detail Every desire of mine, not once but several times before we met again Our WhatsApp conversation started on the weekend And I called him to my place on Thursday I'll call it D-Day That day Dave left for his garage at his usual time I didn't tell him I would stay home, I called in sick at work Tom informed the manager that he would be working from home that day He came somewhere in the afternoon It was a Thursday afternoon While people were too busy to notice anyone coming to my house Besides, we lived in a neighborhood where I'm sure Most of the residents were at work at that hour As soon as Tom entered into the house I surrendered myself I don't know why I felt it was going to be our last time Hence, I just wanted to have it as much as possible After two hours, Tom insisted on leaving But I asked him to stay for a bit longer I knew it was riskier to have him stay for longer It was getting dark outside And Dave might have returned home But my mind was clogged on our moment together And the chance Dave would actually walk in was too small It was some 5-ish pm when Tom left I realized that I had locked the cats in one of the small rooms Because Tom didn't like them The cats were still scratching at the door wanting to be free As they didn't have access to their litter box and food When I released them, I went into full overdrive to get myself ready I sprayed the house with my perfume, showered and cleaned up Dave used to come home by 7 pm, so I waited Then it became 9 pm and he wasn't there I called him to check, but he didn't answer I texted him about having our dinner together And if he was going to make it, but I was left on red After multiple calls, he did text me back Saying he was busy and would come by 10 As I wandered across my living room, I saw my wedding pictures Photos of our honeymoon and some of the happiest moments I shared with Dave I don't know if that was my guilt or not I wanted to keep Dave happy Brad I rushed to the kitchen to make his favorite lasagna for him I had an hour before he came home When Dave arrived, I welcomed him home with a hug But to my dismay, he was not amazed by my gesture Instead, he went straight inside the room, showered and changed Then went to the bed I enthusiastically told him I made lasagna for him But he said he wanted to have the leftover porridge from the last day I tried to ask him what's wrong And if anything was bothering him But he remained silent and behaved as if he didn't hear me I repeated my question, but my voice started to tremble He must have noticed because he stood up and went to the dining room I followed him there, but he remained silent So to break the awkwardness, I started preparing the plates with food I gave him a plate and joined the table, opposite of him I was trying to think of all the possible reasons for Dave's upset mood Of course, Tom's presence was on my mind But I tried to push it away Because the thought of my cheating getting exposed made me panic more Dave broke the silence and said So, is this guy from work? I said, what? he repeated This guy who came to the house today, is he from work? My heart sank Although my face revealed everything, I tried to save myself I asked, which guy? Dave took a deep breath and said The one for who you locked up the cats in the other room Before I could say anything further, he said I have seen everything through the cat feeding machine camera How you were giggling with your lover and begging him to stay for longer Unfortunately, by the time I saw it, the recording stopped And both of you went out of the frame Nonetheless, I have the written version of what probably happened He took out a paper and started reading out messages It were the messages which I had sent to Tom over the last few days The actual personal messages where I had described everything to Tom I felt humiliated I know I had ruined everything, but I had to control the damage I acted defensively I yelled at Dave to stop and tried to snatch his phone to see how he saw my messages I thought he sneaked into my phone when I was sleeping But he told me he had logged into my laptop accidentally a few days ago Where my work WhatsApp was logged in He saw those messages and retrieved them from there Dave's plan was to catch us red-handed during the act Thankfully, the chat had no mention of the day when Tom and I were going to meet Hence, I was saved from this grave humiliation It would have been so terrible to be caught with Tom By Dave I shouted at him for breaching my privacy It was stupid, but I had to say something, right? I told him there was nothing serious It was just a one-time thing I knew my WhatsApp conversation started with Tom only a few days before our second meeting We spoke about how we wanted to do it next time But the chat had no evidence that we had done it before So I pleaded with him that it was just a one-time physical thing And that I would never do it again My pleadings fell on deaf ears Dave wasn't even listening He had buried his head inside his phone and was doing something In a moment of rage, I snatched his phone and pleaded with him to listen to me I saw that he was chatting with a someone using a formal name A lawyer? I broke down I begged him to stop I asked him to give me a chance to explain I held his knees and cried Asking him for one last chance, but he didn't budge He didn't say a word in response to my pleadings When he finally spoke, he calmly asked me to leave the house I was shocked because I never thought he would abandon me like this I cried inconsolably asking for forgiveness, but he remained unmoved He looked at me with cold eyes and said No amount of tears and pleadings is going to change my mind You are wasting your time and tears unnecessarily Save it for the future I realized he was right He was not going to change his mind, at least not at that moment The house in which we were living was Dave's He had built it before our wedding, so I had no claim to it Besides, I didn't want to get into the dirty fights of property and money I didn't want them I wanted Dave I told him I would leave the house the next morning as it was already very late in the night It was post-midnight He nodded, saying it was fine by him But I should go away by the time he returned home the next day Saying this, he walked out of the house I held his hand, asking him to stay I told him that he could sleep in a different room and I would not bother him He replied that he could not share a roof with me, shrugged my hand off his arms and left I wanted to leave the house right away, but I stayed back, hoping that Dave might change his mind when he got calmer the next day I spent the night crying in my bed, cursing myself for ruining my beautiful marriage I didn't go to the office the next day and waited for Dave to be back I thought his anger might calm down the next day, and I would be able to convince him to work through this It was around 7 pm when he reached home at his usual time He sighed at me with irritation I tried to speak to him, but he snapped at me, saying he didn't want any further drama and insisted that I leave the house immediately That was the moment I realized that I had lost my husband So I packed my stuff and left the house in my car After wandering for a few miles, unable to figure out where to go, I found myself in the only place I hoped to find help I found myself in front of Tom's apartment At that emotional moment, I forgot that Tom had his cousin living with him I just went upstairs with my handbag, leaving all my baggage in the car I didn't want to panic him Tom was alone in his apartment I hugged him as soon as he opened the door He asked me if I was fine because it was late and unusual for me to show up I started crying my heart out I ranted how Dave had found out about the affair, humiliated me and kicked me out of the house Tom took me inside and offered me a blanket I was cold I had barely eaten for the last two days and was shaking as I explained what happened He offered me some soup I didn't want it and still sat there crying But he fed me the soup by himself He then cuddled me to keep me warm We again were intimate, but this time it wasn't anything wild It was just comforting After we were done, I continued to rant about how miserable my life had become and how I would survive through this Tom pacified me and asked me to sleep He said that we would figure out the stuff in the morning That's when I remembered about his cousin who was staying with him Tom said he had gone out to meet his friends and would return the next day I was tired and exhausted with the crying and wailing from the last two days So I dozed off in Tom's arms in no time When I woke up that Saturday morning, I found Tom was still sleeping I needed a shower and realized my toiletries were still inside my car I went down and brought all my suitcases to the apartment I took a shower and got dressed up I was looking miserable from all the crying and pleadings I made some toast and coffee for myself and Tom When he woke up, I hugged him and thanked him for supporting me While having breakfast, Tom said he was going out with his friends and asked me when I would leave When I would leave I was shocked at his question I held his hand and said, Why don't we start our relationship afresh? I suggested that we move in together His eyes He stared at me with shock, asserting he could not be in a relationship with me I asked him, why not? He said he was too young for a committed relationship He said it was all for fun and did not intend to carry any baggage of those one-night stands I asked him if he didn't mean anything about what he used to tell me He used to swear that he loved me I was the one who used to bring our age difference and deny taking the relationship forward But he assured me that age wasn't an issue for him He replied firstly by giving me a straight face that, of course, and then telling me it was all just for the sake of saying it He said that men say thousands of things to impress women It doesn't mean it is true I lost my mind I reminded him I ruined my marriage just to be with him He said that he wasn't the one who asked me to break up with Dave He put the blame on me even saying that I did everything myself and therefore deserved what I was going through The argument got so ugly that I threatened to expose him to his followers I told him I would tell the world how deceptive he is how he has used me and ruined my life He gave out a mad laugh at me and asked Which followers? Are you talking about? I replied, you're Twitch followers, he said All right, do you actually know my username? Okay, find my account on Twitch He sounded so shady that I knew something was wrong I was not on Twitch and neither did I know his exact ID or how to get to that page yet I refused to give in I took my phone as if to make a statement and hurriedly downloaded the Twitch app I felt my heart pounding in my chest and jaw as I created my Twitch account and kept switching between looking at my phone and him hoping he would help me or give in to me But he just kept laughing while roaming his kitchen and living room doing menial chores even mocking me when I said I was signing up to Twitch I tried all possible combinations of his name to find his account but couldn't Seeing my desperation, he told me to stop searching saying that it was all fake He never had any 190,000 followers nor was he streaming with an audience of over 20,000 Tom knew that I didn't use Twitch so I didn't understand how it worked and he was able to fool me I asked him, what? How? Not knowing how to react he said he used a fake app to impress me He said that he had bet his friend that he would score me in the first week but I was harder to win over than he thought hence he thought of throwing out breadcrumbs for the media girl by showing of a following to frame these lies to get my attention and body I almost blacked out on hearing this I started crying myself till I lost my breath How could I be so stupid? This time he didn't console me He pulled out my bags and asked me to leave It was so astonishing and unreal that I felt numb He then threw my stuff out of the apartment to which I just walked out like a ghost I grabbed my luggage down the stairs and stood there It was raining heavily with occasional snowfall I was freezing in the cold I had no clue what to do or where to go It wasn't for a few days or weeks that I could live with my friends or at a hotel So I had no other choice I went to my parents house My mom was alone because my father was camping at that time She was surprised to receive me so suddenly I told her I wanted to spend some time with her as she was living alone She asked me if everything was fine in my marriage I said yes, everything was fine It was just that we needed a break from each other Hence the real reason why I came to live with her She understood it because my parents also used to take small breaks and go on solo trips or with their friends to rejuvenate themselves Later in the night, I woke up with a high temperature The next day I got a viral fever I called in work that I'm still sick and it could last longer than expected I have been feeling gradually weaker throughout this ordeal I heard nothing from Dave or his side of the family as I recovered at my mom's place Not even a text or him asking when I would come to pick up my remaining stuff from our home or how our cats were doing He blocked me out of the cat feeding camera Yes, I tried I felt too ashamed to try and contact him I called him twice but hung up before it could ring three times My mom saw I wasn't in the right mind and kept pressuring me that I needed to tell her but I kept asking her to wait till I'm ready and I need more time I asked her not to contact Dave or tell dad anything and she kept pushing until I started crying my eyes out screaming I did something bad to Dave I asked her to be patient with me and to wait till I'm ready, she agreed She just hugged me saying she understood but I had to promise I would tell her before dad would be home I have a great mom Thanks to her, I got time to think as she took care of me but I couldn't tell her the truth yet After recovering from the fever, I went back to work When Tom saw me, he didn't even ask me how I was doing Instead, he ignored me as if we were strangers He ignored me and looked right through me in the office I was also not talking to him but it amazed me how he was acting so strangely towards me because he was the one that betrayed me Now I realized that his behavior displayed clear red flags yet I failed to notice it That's the problem I thought I was safe and smart enough to not be caught and I knew him but I fell for everything and it makes me think maybe I deserved this It's been a week since I've been staying with my mother and trying to move on with my life Many times, I have thought of speaking to Dave's mother and seeking her help for the reconciliation but I also know that my sins are unforgivable I just don't have the courage to show my face to my mother-in-law who had been so good to me how can I swallow the shame I'm still not able to come to terms with the fact that Dave is going to divorce me I know it's just a matter of a few days or weeks when Dave would be sending me the divorce papers I'm yet to figure out a lot of stuff How to break this news to my parents How to fix my life with Dave Maybe I get to meet up with Dave if I ask to see our cats I feel like no one can get me out of this My life couldn't get worse It was almost four weeks after my D-day when I went to my job at the studio as usual My manager asked me to meet him in his office I went inside and he showed me the package he had received The package had the evidence that Tom and I were having an affair It had the chat conversation and the video footage that Dave was talking about the one captured by our cat-feeding machine camera I knew it was Dave who had sent that evidence to my office He knew very well that my company had a strict no-relationship policy between coworkers I started crying in front of my manager pleading with him for a chance He said that Tom had already been fired from work without being given any chance of explanation I was informed that I have been demoted from my position I used to be the face of a small segment on the channel during the weekend afternoon show but now I was moved to a desk job where I would have to sit and do research for the other anchors I pleaded with my manager to let me stay in my position but he told me he had already pushed his best in front of the senior management to save my job He said that according to the company's policy I should also be fired along with Tom but since I was a tenured employee and had been performing well throughout my tenure I still had the job It was the most humiliating moment of my life It was just a matter of days before this would become the hottest gossip in the studio and the office People used to roll their eyes jokingly when seeing me with Tom during lunch when both of us were asking others what they wanted for coffee and now, with his firing and my demotion it won't be difficult for them to add up the math As expected, the news of my demotion spread in the office within hours plus my workstation was being shifted to a back desk I wanted to quit immediately right then and there If I had been in a city, I would have done that instantly but we were still in a town Although not so suburban yet it lacked the job opportunities that would have been easier in New York, California or Los Angeles the places to be in my field Besides, I had no husband to take care of me Neither did I have any hope of alimony because Dave was actually the one who actively tried his best to make me jobless So clearly he wasn't in the mood to compensate me or help me through this For the first time in my life, I regretted not having children If I had a child with Dave it would have kept the communication channel open between us Who knows? Dave might have even given me another chance or maybe I would have never cheated on Dave if I just had a baby to take care of Until that point, I still didn't tell my mother yet After I went back to work she dropped pressuring for an explanation all together I was waiting for the right timing to tell her But one day after work reality smacked me in the mouth and I wished I had informed her earlier It was almost two months after my D-Day when this happened As soon as I entered the house my mother handed me the divorce papers she had been holding for I don't know how long I told her I wanted to come clean about it but I was scared She yelled at me saying I had two months to inform her but I didn't Instead, I just kept lying to her After receiving the divorce papers she called Dave and asked him why Dave told her the truth but she tried to defend me saying it could be a misunderstanding Dave shared the evidence with her By now, I was convinced that even if my mother hadn't asked for it he would have shown her the evidence anyway because he clearly wanted to destroy me Dave had asked for an uncontested divorce and didn't intend to pay me a penny Of course he didn't I don't deserve any of it nor do I want his money A few days later my father arrived from his forest camp trip and my mother told him everything He was angry and frustrated with how easily I ruined my marriage of 10 years and that too for nothing He was disappointed and said that he didn't think I could do such a thing He called Dave right before me and apologized to him for all my actions Although Dave was polite to him I felt that I humiliated my parents I had put them in a situation where they were embarrassed because of me I cried and told them how sorry I was My mother calmed me down but I kept pleading with my father to talk to Dave and convince him against the divorce My father looked me in my eyes and said that divorce was inevitable and I should prepare myself for it A few days later I signed the divorce papers I realized that this chapter is over The more I delayed it the more it was hurting me I had to move on My office also became insufferable People stopped talking to me but they talked about me When the news of my divorce came their story added up Although it was all true it hurt to be the subject of immoral office gossip People I considered my friends gave me cold shoulders and fueled the rumors It became so toxic that after three months from my D-day I quit the job For the first few days I lay on my childhood bed for days and nights binge watching and eating junk I gained 12 pounds in two weeks Finally my mother intervened and took me to therapy I had lost all interest in life All I wanted was Dave I needed him My mother tried her last luck and met with Dave and pleaded with him to meet me once She told him about my miserable life and promised him that I would prove my worth if he gave me one last chance But Dave turned down her plea He said that he accepted every terms and conditions of mine but cheating was something which he could not tolerate He recounted how badly he wanted to be a father but he dropped that dream too just to be with me My mother came back disappointed She told me I had lost a good man for nothing not even a pebble I wanted to ruin Tom but he had already left town soon after he was fired It's been more than two months since I've been attending therapy but I don't think it is ever going to help me I have decided to move out of this place It suffocates me Anywhere I go anyone I meet reminds me of Dave or talks about him I need to get away from my parental home as I can't even face my dad without his look of shame when he sees me The news of my infidelity and divorce has spread to all houses in the neighborhood I'm getting the cold shoulder and weird looks at every social gathering I just couldn't move on with my life in an environment like this Besides, I don't have a job I have been jobless for more than three months now and I cannot lounge on my parents money any further So I have decided to move to the Bay Area I have a flight tomorrow morning I wish to leave my past here and start afresh I know I have screwed up everything but trust me I have paid the price more than double It's been three years since my last post I never thought of updating it again As I mentioned in my earlier update I moved to the Bay Area after my life turned miserable I struggled hard to get a job lived in a shanty apartment with two other women and built my life all over again I lost my hometown, flourishing career, friends, cats and family because of just one mistake I sometimes wonder if that was such a grave crime that I had to pay such a hefty price for it I'm not sure if I said this I never wanted to leave my hometown I know there are people in my town who want to settle in a big city but I was always happy in my own space During college and even when I started my career my parents asked me if I wanted to move out to a more happening city but I always declined Call me old school, but that's how I was My brother moved to California for his college and he settled there However, life took such a drastic turn that I was forced to move out and start a new life in a strange city and that too in my late 30s It was difficult, really difficult to make friends because people of my age were already done with friendships and were busy with their family lives People who wanted new friends didn't vibe with me But bit by bit, I rebuilt my life somehow In the professional space as well, I was struggling I didn't get any FaceTime role in any channel but a back office research job Of course, I was not hunting for the prime time spot in the top channel which is reserved for the tenured employees I was looking for at least one 15-30 minute FaceTime program on any of the local channels but I didn't get that either Most of the channels turned down my candidature because I was in my late 30s and they needed young faces on the channel Besides, I was demoted from my last job which is reflected clearly in my relieving letter On top of that, I worked for a local channel that was tilted towards right-wing politics from a small town which was not considered to be a rich experience in the Bay area of San Francisco In my last company, I believe I was about to be promoted as the prime time anchor if I kept the pace I was going but Dave had to expose the one mistake I made So now I'm here working as an editor behind the scenes checking people's grammar and sentences It's better than nothing though Last month, I turned 40 I took my first vacation after the divorce I took a solo trip to Florida The thing is, even if I try my best to enjoy it I'm just not able to do so It sucks to see women of my age vacationing with their husbands and children Even when I'm going out for grocery shopping I lurk alone in envy as I see busy mothers with their kids Yeah, there were single women enjoying themselves but they were single by choice and I was forced to be I never wanted to be single I have never been single after coming to a dating age which was 15 for me I do have two cats now and I adore them but it's not the same I tried to make friends with other single women but God knows what has happened to me I'm not that social person anymore I prefer to stay alone even though I know I could be a good wife again The thing is, whenever I try to befriend anyone or open up to start dating they ask about my past and I'm still too embarrassed to reveal that I cheated on my husband and destroyed everything Initially, I did tell what happened to a couple of women whom I befriended in the local library but I was judged terribly Everyone reacts different at that exact instant I open up Since then, I know better and haven't revealed my past but that is also a problem New people find me shady when I try to hide my past and they try to avoid me or keep it so casual to which it becomes awkward Do you get how miserable that is for me? While all these were not enough I got to know something else from my mother which brought my mental state to square one Last week, I was on a call with my mother and as usual, she insisted that I restart my life in terms of dating and getting married She is the only one who has been supporting me for all these years My father has almost abandoned me because apparently I brought shame to his society So I never visited home after I left it My mother visits me twice a year My brother had been completely out of the picture ever since he moved to California He is a banker and rarely visits any of us He has a wife and a daughter whom we had met only a few times during his initial years of marriage My mother is worried that I'm all alone and doesn't want her daughter to be, her words, left to fend for herself in this world I have no true friends or family members to support me emotionally Hence, she wants me to marry and keeps bringing that topic up So last week, when I was on a call with her as a ritual she again requested me to meet new people and start my dating game When I refused, she turned aggressive and said I should move on since Dave has also moved on and is leading a happy family life She almost blurted this out in a moment of rage I couldn't help but ask her if Dave had remarried She was reluctant to tell me but upon my insistence she told me that Dave had remarried within a year of our divorce and now he has a twin, a boy and a girl The cats are doing good too A few weeks ago, the kids turned one and Dave organized a huge birthday bash for them in the community hall I had tears in my eyes My mom sensed it and asked me to forget about my past I too want to move on but I'm just unable to How could I make peace that I screwed up my perfect life for nothing just some fun with a fraud using a fake twitch following My God I know you would say that I deserve it Maybe I do but try to offer me your blunt honesty while at least offering me something that helps me Thank you for listening to my story There will be no updates I need to let go and this is how I'm starting that process There it is The blunt honesty of OP shows the ugly truth of her own thought process and lack of accountability In stories like these I can't help but feel for the souls left hurting I wish we had more information on Dave but we don't Do you think this was a case of failed monkey branching? Or do you think OP's intentions with Tom were genuine towards him? We know his intentions were definitely not either way How did she fall for his tricks? Was OP a naive? E-girl in the making? While Tom used female nature and hypergamy against her It looked like that's the case But what do you think? Let us know down below