 Hi everyone today. I'm with Jonathan Bender and I'm really excited to be talking with him about Public speaking how to show up as your authentic self whether it's on video or whether it's in person and First of all, let me just say hi to you Jonathan Jonathan. Thanks for being here. That's my pleasure, George This is really great to see you and to be here. Yeah, so let me just read your bio So that people get a sense of who you are and then we'll get into this topic that I think a lot of us are Are very interested in so Jonathan Bender has been helping conscious Self-aware professionals become dynamic and authentic speakers and he's been doing this for 20 years Jonathan himself is a transformational speaker a workshop leader performer coach and a trainer And he has coached thousands around the world both in in-person events as well as online with online trainings and his focus is on presence self-expression and Public speaking and personal growth and what he calls the performance of your life. So I'll have you talk about that too Jonathan Jonathan has also been a professional theater director actor and writer and he has two graduate degrees in theater and communication and he is a new father and going through right now the the beginnings of Raising a child. So thanks so much for being here. You know despite how busy you are You know, it's it's my pleasure and I both love with our our little baby and it's it's good to talk with adults Exactly. So I just want to start with this question which is How does your way of teaching? speaking Different from what we might imagine public speaking to be so what I say when we might imagine is a lot of us have Heard of Toastmasters or been to Toastmasters and we have this idea that Toastmasters is about counting ums and awesome Make sure you don't say um make sure you don't say ah and make sure you know You've got you memorize your speech or make sure you're making eye contact and and you know those kinds of public speaking things which Which makes a lot of us myself included when I think about being like that makes me nervous makes me anxious. I Don't I wouldn't enjoy it and no wonder public speaking is like on the top of the fear fears that people have next to like death You know, so So how is how is your method or your way of teaching a different? Well, I can say first of all, I think public speaking is largely misunderstood because there simply isn't a standard for that And I often say to my clients Let's say like I just talked to someone who Was a software engineer and now there was a certified coach and or the healers like look They went through a training process and they were standards and they had to do in order to Become a professional but with public speaking people think that they should be able to stand up and be able to do it And they often do And and because there isn't been like an overall standard or methodology That people think they should be good at it, but it's really an art and a science That I it's something really how I've approached it and established this by you know by doing multiple graduate degrees and having been done that was speaking and performing since I was 14 The other thing too that way I differ is that although there is real technique involved is I've also been on a personal spiritual growth path Since I was 14 as well And this idea of like how we evolve and bringing out who we truly are And that you can't just Follow a template. So Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who teach public speaking Who learned it from another coach who learned it from another coach who made it up? and There's no basis in anything historic. So like part of my foundation is Aristotle like it's been around for thousands of years But it's also on like different levels of growth work and And part of my approach speaking is what I call Transparent speaking so what I need might ask is that The way we want to show up When we go to speak in any context and by the way when I talk about public speaking you could be talking about Doing an online video like this You could be speaking in front of thousands of people You could be talking in your living room It might be meeting with a potential client all of those are some form of public speaking And the same skills by and large apply in all scenarios Although of course there are special things that are different for video and are different for really large groups compared to small ones But transparent speaking means that We want to simply appear As anyone would when they are relaxed When they're willing to be seen when they're open And just like what do they do with their body language and how do they breathe and how does even a baby breathe? Because I've really been glad to see recently And like what's our birthright if who we really are and to bring that out in a way that's transparent that does not look like Technique because when you see a lot of People who've been trained by a lot of speaking professionals If you watch through people in a row who've been trained by the same person You can see the technique and you shouldn't be able to to see it so So the methodology I use using performance techniques Really not to make you a performer but think performers need confidence They need self expression and presence and we want to have these for for life as well So so I incorporate all of these things the growth work These transparent techniques and performance into how do we show up as ourselves? And how do we grow into even more of ourselves through through this process? I love that. Yeah. Um, so I'm really curious to know how you're integrating personal growth and you know speaking development because Usually people think okay. I've got to craft my signature speech And by having my message really honed then I can get clients and yes speaking can be used to get clients and to build your business But what if speaking were there's a deeper reason for it? And so kind of you you bring that to to the table and of course you you train people on getting great speeches But but more importantly, there's a there's a deeper meaningfulness and I'd love for you to speak to that a bit Yeah, and look Having a great talk that you can use what we can call a signature talk is really important It's important to know how to put that together and to have that be powerful and authentic and dynamic However nonverbal communication constitutes 50 to 80 percent of what we say So our body language our tone of voice Like all of that. Yeah, people are paying at least as much attention to that as the words that we say And what people don't realize often about nonverbal communication Is that it is derived typically from one of two sources, which is either our internal experience And or our training so internal experience means that if you are nervous Or if you are self-conscious or self-critical Then you are probably going to be in some aspect of the fight flight freeze response The fight response is also the inner is part of the inner critic It's fighting against yourself essentially or you're frozen and your body language freezes up and so so when I'm My work is very holistically based so when I'm working with something like confidence It's also affecting other areas and one common area is mindset So for example, most people don't realize that everyone wants them to be great and they don't want them to suck So that's our projections the audience actually wants you to Succeed wants you to be a great speaker that they want to enjoy the experience Right like who right now is watching this video thinking I'd really like to be bored Hopefully So you want to learn we want to like be entertained we want to be moved And the audience has your back and if someone is that pessimistic and jaded that they don't want that They're not your audience. You don't have to worry about them. Uh, so You know and and ultimately have compassion for them So so one of the way I have a lot of tools and visualizations and somatic exercises So one is like I use a I start off with my online trainings and with a loving kindness meditation with oneself And to learn how to change one's relationship with oneself So so that that's one of the ways that I I approach it how to become aware of these patterns and start to change how we view things but also That trauma is stored in the body and the fight-flight-freeze response that that we know about is there are ways to shift that so All of all good body language and vocal power has to be based on being totally relaxed So I also begin with teaching how to very like really relax into yourself How to breathe and to maintain that not just when you go to speak but like in your whole life And so this is why it's not You know sometimes in my marketing I'll say You know this work is transformational and I will have people who will tell me after they've taken my online trainings Like claim your voice. They'll say I know you said this but it really was I'll say thank you. That's my intention. So And also by the way, I'd say it's like toast masters Look toast masters is a good place to practice and all chapters are a little different But for the most part they'll count your rums. They're not going to teach you how to stop seeing them and people walk away feeling criticized and insecure and And it's a really big difference between actually receiving Step by step training about how to find yourself and come back to yourself and stay there For all of your life and then to have that available to you when you would like to be able to speak So You haven't phrased that you call the performance of your life. Yeah, so What does that mean? How do we really see our life as that kind of performance? So one of my graduate degrees in communication. I specialized in performance studies and There's a whole body of theory that looks at life and identity as a kind of performance that we are largely doing unknowingly Which is based Mostly upon our conditioning. So I'm super aware now as I have a baby that like everything starts to shape like He our baby Matthias is starting to learn like language and Like and how he's affected by the environment around him and all of this starts to Like shape and condition who he is and we learn to perform in accordance with Expectations or perhaps we're rebelling against them, but we're still in relationship to that and we we have in terms of performance Metaphors we wear costumes. We have certain types of grooming and makeup and we become literally a character And even if you go to burning man or something you're still a character and rebelling against that or trying to find something else and And so we're already performing without realizing it So for me Have you got on the spiritual path for a long time is that presence is something I hold dear which is about Realizing how you're performing. You're just going back to yourself And being able to just like have that level of awareness as a foundational aspect Now if you don't have that and then you're just trying to get out there and do your talk and do this gesture technique without Any foundation it's going to be forced and faked and contrived. Yeah. Yeah One of the challenges that people have in trying to be a better Presence I guess in their in their business Or let's talk specifically about speaking on on video for example This could apply to speaking on on in person too, but I hear a lot people say, okay I wish I could I could show up like you on video, but what if I lose my train of thought George like Should I be reading a script? I mean, I don't want to be reading a script because that seems you know Inauthentic and that does not connecting with you. How do I how do you keep remembering what to say? And right now, I mean we've had this conversation and you know, you're not looking down on your notes and making it But you there's so much in you that just kind of flows naturally. So how do you How do you do that? Well You know on one hand as far as me like I put in more than my many more times in my 10,000 hours So I know the material inside and out However, there are many ways that you can pair pair the content beforehand And I did take a few notes in here just to think about what I wanted to say And and I have it up here if I wanted to pull it up and take a quick glance in my computer but So one thing I want to share first of all is that an aspect of the freeze response Is that when we when we slightly freeze up the blood is flowing away from the prefrontal cortex We're thinking clearly into the survival parts of the brain And so if you start off with in training being really relaxed, you will be able to think more clearly So that's number one second is that for most circumstances I highly advise against scripting out word for word anytime to talk except for the most highest level inspirational talks That where you're really like fine Tune word crafting and I like doing that too. I've been in performance a long time But for most people that's not going to be helpful. So having a good outline And and also then having an adequate knowing how to practice it is really important And this is something that I bring in from performance training is how do you prepare and practice for your talk and Like right now I've been working with someone who's going before congress doing a high level Talk and it's going to be a very loaded subject that will get international attention and And and so we're really working with him in detail about how does he feel like really I'm ready to do that. And so even with him. We're not crafting a word for word We're doing an outline bullet point of talk and then I'll tell you the one thing That's the most important thing to do is practice one if you really want to fine tune it So it's not necessarily for video practice that one small section over and over a minute If it's if you really want to practice presentation Do one to five minutes several times in a row and let it gel and find its own flow through your mouth not through your Through the written word because we write it out Typically it does not sound like we talk so The other thing I just want to add in two before I forget because there's a lot here is that One of the ways that we mess ourselves up Is that we have the perfectionist come out and we think it's not okay to forget And generally If we give ourselves permission they will too There is also a whole art to making mistakes to being able to bring things back in and that that's a whole that's another topic but To just know that if you give yourself permission to like look down say Let's see what my notes say like if you need to say look down and do it Is that's it so if you're okay with being human then They're going to give yourself permission to and honestly is that I think for the most part people don't want to Work with someone who isn't human they want a real person and so when you model that and also model being professional as well It's not like you're totally You know throwing everything away that when you just give yourself a little slack it generally works well Yeah, yeah, that's what yeah well said. So Some of the people watching this, you know, we've talked we've said we've talked about the Signature talk or whatever and you of course have helped so many people with that what's Tell us talk to us about that. How do we begin to Craft our signature signature talk and actually first of all Where does that signature talk usually show up and and then how do we begin to craft that? Sure, so I'm kind of both about this signature talk, but let me say one thing first because I think this is useful because a lot of people Think at times they need to have a talk when they haven't learned foundational skills and And so I just want to put that in context for one moment So that anyone listening can think about is it time for me to craft a signature talk or are there other things I need first Often people will not learn the foundational elements until Suddenly they've booked a talk and they've all these nerves and they're freaked out and Or they're fine until the day of and they haven't learned a strong basis of technique so So just the context first of all of the five areas that you need to learn So we have crafting the talk we have confidence confidence by the way is an art and The our coaches out there say well, you're just going to be nervous and that's that Bullshit, excuse me is that You you can really learn how to be confident and for that to be consistent most of the time For me confidence is also vulnerability. It's the fight-fight freeze response And but it is something you absolutely can learn. It's also competence Knowing your competence that I'm guessing at it or wondering if you're failing Connection skills eye contact how to fully be in deep connection with your audience and a video that's different. It takes some tricks fourth is dynamics Body language vocal power the whole art is showing up authentically and open and powerful and and relaxed And there's both advanced levels for that as well as lower levels And then the fifth is presence and charisma. These are things everyone has it's not like you have it or you don't And presence is being present it overlaps for those on the spiritual path And but it's how do you show up fully present and not just like i'm an imitation cushion or by yourself so so so depending on where someone is First of all the right time to get training is before you have a talk ideally Like if you can spend a few months and just get this training and learn it step by step I highly advise it and then craft the talk However, if you have a pressing need to like start getting clients or you have an engagement You need to learn it and then you want to be jumping in and putting the talk together. So Yeah, is that before I go to the talk? Yeah, totally. Yeah, that helps a lot and if you know, I want to make sure people Know they want to reach you and work with you. Um, how do they do that? And then we can wrap up with a few a few tips as well. Yeah, so Uh, first of all, I have a lot of offerings that are going to be coming out And the easiest way is I have a free course you can look at that'll put you on my email list I don't put out a lot of emails at all. Uh, so it's called your true voice dot org And it's just a three-part video course and which is about authenticity and presence as well as A deeper teaching on Unconfidence and anxiety around speaking and also kind of like a blueprint for becoming a strong speaker with this method I've talked about It'll also tell you more eventually about claim your voice, which is my 10 week online training that I do So So that's a good way to get on my list to learn more Honestly, you can just drop me an email jonathan at the performance of your life.com So that also works too if you Jonathan at the performance of your life.com Of course, you're on facebook as well and People can easily meet you there. I'll put the links to all these things in the notes of the video So, um, yeah, whether you are wanting to craft your signature talk now Or whether you could see that it's going to be useful and you need to prepare and get the foundational skills Like jonathan's saying you should contact jonathan Get on his email list get the free course And um, then kind of learn from him and see what his offerings are coming up And by the way too for those who experience speakers often they don't have a lot of resources to get to the next level So people who are very experienced We usually start with a 35 point assessment And uh, and then kind of build your levels from there I'll probably having a course do and I'm being a dynamic speaker and So that's an aside I'm on my list to hear about that awesome So, uh, maybe you can you know a few thoughts to end about how do we how do we go about this process of creating the talk? It just kind of give us a sense of it because um, what what's the difference between a signature talk and just showing up on facebook live Sure So a signature talk means something that you can repurpose and reuse over and over That really is the core of your message and is speaking to Like roughly your niche or your your main audience who you niche is who you want to really want to work with and you love and and targeting it to them, but you can also adapt it so For example, I often will work with healers and coaches But then I was and I had a signature talk some years ago I was really like for them, but I was then asked to go speak to um founders of startups and the Bay Area There's a lot of that so then I would just I'll be able to to modify and change it And so you can modify and scale your talk from 10 minutes to 90 And but you have the structure that's built there And and so so that's really what a signature talk is And a couple of things I want to say that The way I teach it that are different based again kind of going back to Aristotle and and modified to a degree is you need a progressive structure and A lot of talk models will say well just like share some about you establish vulnerability and credibility And then you share your five talking points and then they can offer And no one wants to hear it Because you haven't led to it. So a progressive structure leads them To your call to action in a way that's persuasive not manipulative So it will move them, but it's not going to like manipulate them It moves them so that if it's in their best interest they're going to want to say yes The other thing I want to say too you have to have is an important point is evidence and One example that a lot of people say oh, we have to have a lot of success stories And well, yeah, that's one type of evidence and social proof But there's also quotations and statistics and current events and analogies and different ways to Have a lot of other people making your point for you that establishes you as an expert and is far more moving and persuasive And some types of evidence are more analytically And then moving and you know, well, oh wow that percentage. I didn't know that or It might be moving like a quotation and you're emotionally stirring So But a good a good talk is something that you can use that will Really bring out your message and your voice in a way that Just lets you feel fulfilled with your purpose And a being of service, which is something that I know that we both care a lot about There's a lot more to it, but that's That those are a few things I wanted to say that are really important But it also can be a little hard to do on your own Well, this is why you know people should get ahold of you if they are Creating this kind of thing. Um, and just overall they want to get the foundation for powerful presencing Kind of a public speaking whether it's on video or it's in person. So thank you so much Jonathan for your work The website again is your true voice.org To get the course the free course. Tell us just just for a minute. What is the free course? What can they expect there? So there are just three teachings one is on authenticity and the authenticity traps that we fall into And it's it's a little different taken authenticity. We often hear the second is on confidence and really Giving a thorough perspective on that and the third is On like becoming a powerful speaker And one of the ways too is that if anyone here right now is like, you know, I do need to craft a talk I have something that's coming up which is called the What is it the inspirational signature talk and so this is just a small group workshop for a handful of people So there's a separate you all are you're all for that you can just email me about it too And if you see this later, I may do it again, but I just have a bitly set up for that So it's bitly.com slash craft your talk all lowercase And there are details on that if that's of interest to you Cool Great. So the the the link is bitly.com slash craft your voice all lowercase craft your talk Sorry bitly.com slash craft your talk all lowercase and then to get the free course. It's your true voice.org So the links will be in the notes of the video and thank you so much Jonathan for showing up and sharing with us today Thanks for having me and I just wanted to put a reminder out there that You're right now with the way the world is With the work that you do it matters like it really makes a difference And if you have the fear and nervousness It's worth doing the work the outer work in the inner work to be able to contribute to make that difference because I think that we're the ones who Will make this world what it needs to be Thank you. That's that's a wonderful reminder. Yeah All right, Jonathan. Have a good rest of the day. Thanks so much for being here Pleasure. Thanks, Jory