 Welcome to another episode of the procrastinators podcast. Ah, the only podcast with me the best guy ever and nobody else Yeah, I'd say munchies here. What's up, munchie? Hey, hey, what's going on in here? I just came in off the street where I slept last night God Mad man, that was God Ben saint is here. We've got Monkey Jones. Hey everybody. I like video games Also Tom Oliver suck beautiful bastards. Hope you're having a fantastic Welcome back to Tommy Oliver show and let's just jump into it Come out on Sundays not Saturdays. You already fucked it. It's a Saturday when I'm recording it And that's the only day that I care about that's true. That's true We're men who live in the day and the here now. We don't live I live in the present I don't I don't concern myself with petty things like the future. Yeah, fuck that So if you remember way back to episode one of the procrastinators podcast, we talked about the best game ever undisputedly undertale as we all agree and It's time to revisit that issue by talking about the greatest game console of all time We're talking consoles people of all of all makes models and builds and let's let's check in with our friends over at Urban Dictionary To read what a console is Okay, actually these definitions are terrible. These people are not my friends I just want to disclaimer that I do not associate with them. Oh the Urban Dictionary. Yeah. Oh here Console definition number two on Urban Dictionary a computer intended for a limited user interaction such as the NES or the PlayStation Such computers are intended only for loading single programs in one session Although newer consoles are able to perform such feats as getting on the internet networking between other consoles of the same type Common input devices for consoles include controllers also called paddle sometimes Joysticks or arcade pads who calls a controller a paddle. What is that? Okay, doesn't matter wrote this aka retard Maybe the same people that's called levels boards What the fuck is that a real thing? Yeah? Yeah, Danny on game drums would always call it a few would get a free man, and he would clear the board I mean, I love the free man thing, but I've never heard this do what I would play fucking brawl with my cousin He would be like, oh dude. Oh, do I love this map? I love this fucking math. It's a stage You know a little bit more sympathetic. No the game specifically calls it a stage. Yeah It says choose your stage. Oh, I love this map. Oh get fucked Okay fair point fair point now to start us off now we this whole topic was suggested by our dear friend Tom Oliver Rest in peace who suggested that we discuss the greatest has he killed himself since we recorded this Always Check out a monkey and Tom's suicide pack video Right, of course so Tom was just talking about how great the GBA was and I believe that takes his spot for the greatest game console of all People Tom. Oh, sorry go on. That's also stays a tough battle, but GBA is number one in my book Now I'm sure a lot of people when they hear you say that would immediately jump to the fact that but But Tommy it can't even play fucking Halo While I'm downloading teraflops of child porn at the same time like my ps4 What is your defense of this position? It's a baby shit console. There's there's serious Sam Yeah, there's serious Sam on the GBA due to course actually quite a few 3d games on the GBA Surprisingly enough But no, I mean the problem is like The new the new consoles these kids these days with their fucking multimedia consoles Consoles have like jumped the plot and forgotten what the point is playing fucking games All right ps4 had all these goddamn channels you could watch YouTube on it But how long could you only play blood-borne and nothing else? It's fucking bullshit long time the GBA Launched with a fucking kick-ass lineup of games and it only got better and that's what these I feel like everybody here Is is not retarded when it comes to gaming consoles So I feel like even though I'm sure some of you won't agree the GBA is the best console I'm pretty sure none you're gonna have retarded choices like the ps4 or some gay shit like that That would be about consoles that play games and anything else anything past the ps2 like I have like they don't even have Identities anymore like let me just say they just they just became like a weird conglomerate of one of the worst experiences spirits One of the worst experiences Of my gaming life was when I bought Metal Gear Solid 4 Like I got the PlayStation 3 bundle with Metal Gear Solid 4. It was great I plug it in and then as I'm starting it up like the it's like legendary the setup time for Metal Gear Solid 4 It was like the first moment when it's like, okay, things have gone I'm sure you're doing terribly wrong at some point like the and this is like the point I'm trying to make in general the the big consoles like the load times I'm thinking about blood-borne for example so I played blood-borne right when it came out like midnight release it was fucking great and Like that was before they had patched the little You know like the the loading screens and all the Dark Souls games How they show like an item and a description of a certain item in most of the What dark demon blood games? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so that blood-borne when it first came out didn't even have that it just for the loading screens Would just have the word blood-borne and nothing else and of course in that game Like you do a ton of traveling back to your home base. I know it was it was absolutely unbelievable I like the whole time I was screaming about why they didn't have this this thing from the others Which was just it was kind of fun to read the description of items while you waited Well for things to load in you know Dark Souls 1 2 and whatever the ones that were out of the time But this didn't have that it fucking sucked But the so there was my point is just like there's so much fucking loading that you have to suffer through to play these Like whoa cutting-edge so beautiful amazing games, but on like the GBA and shit There was so much less of that stuff because they really prioritized game play and that is just something that's really been Sacrificing terrible. Well, hang on hang well that was GBA was a cartridge console and cartridges like didn't even have loading times Not not the way There were a couple games on GBA that had loading and there's mostly the 3d ones, but there's only like a couple seconds But no, but see that's my point Ben The fact that we were so obsessed with creating these big old Experiences where you have to load in like a gigantic map and process all this data at once I feel like we're gonna I'm gonna get triggered and talk about my realism rant in games and how it's like the most cancerous thing ever made by mankind it's inevitable It's so it's so fucking dumb like I think honestly cuz you're saying how like oh everything after ps2 Doesn't have an identity. It's because this realism curse Became a thing like how fucking sad is it that like in the ps2 you had like you know Naughty Dog and Insomniac doing like ratchet and clank and jack and Daxter and then the next like Console cycle came along. It's like oh look all these Paulies we can throw around we're gonna make uncharted and fucking Resistance, which are like bland fucking gay games that have no personality It's like the kind of like snapshot like little zinger sentence I would say is like make art don't make a tech demo because when you make a Realistic game no matter how good it is all you're making is a snapshot of the technical limitations of a time it ages terribly It never looks cool But on the other hand like like here's a perfect example of like this shit when it started happening in like the ps2 era Cuz like ps2 and Xbox the originals is when they started kind of like oh We can make games that look like super fucking real Maybe we should do that like do you remember Lord of the Rings that came out on ps2 there Dumb little gimmick where they're like we're gonna have FMVs in the movie and then they're gonna quote I can't put enough quotations around this. So I can I'm gonna try it seamlessly transfer It's a game play and at the time everyone was like whoa it looks so good, but you look at it now It looks like ass like it's a joke It's like are you serious to look like someone like with Down syndrome Maybe's models because like it's impossible to make realistic models on the ps2 Whereas a game that came out in like the exact same time. I think the same year the Legend of Zelda The fucking Wind Waker Twilight Princess. Oh, yeah Wind Waker right that had art direction. So like that game is just But it looks gorgeous today Not only does it not does photorealism not age well because the technology is not there to achieve true photorealism So as we like get closer and closer like the old stuff will just look worse and worse like not only that But like photorealism is just a poor. It's just a poor like artistic inspiration to work It's just a bad thing to work towards because that everyone like everyone's trying to make it look realistic They're all trying to make it look the same like what makes the game look good is not it's the graphical fidelity But yeah, like you said the art direction like good art direction is what makes a game look good and look cool Modern now like blood-borne like it looks good like it looks aesthetically pleasing Despite the photorealism it shoots for not because of it Like it's the art that carries the game like that and all the good games that are out right now Like it's you're gonna be fighting against the realism as it goes on because like when the ps5 comes out right with the art direction Well, it still holds up But man those visuals like that cloth simulation. We still couldn't do real-time It looks really fucking stupid now. So it's just like you're always gonna have something like that And it's really shit on blood-borne incidentally like I wasn't trying to say in any way like it's it's too obsessed with photorealism Actually, I think that's one of the brilliant things about blood-borne It's sort of like it is going for a little bit of photorealism and that just like the things are obviously human-shaped and they You know act sort of the way humans do like your playable characters and stuff but like the the what what makes that game great is like the the cool Environments around and stuff and like so I'm just saying like the art design of blood-borne is actually great Right because it does all the stuff in addition to just having sort of a baseline level of like your call of duties and your battle fields They're never gonna look they weren't inspired to begin with like the reason they were impressive like whoa This is pushing the hardware But as the hardware ages like like you play battle like remember in battlefield 3 came out everyone's like holy fucking shit Like you play battlefield 3 now. It looks embarrassing I remember a string of a first-person shooters coming out that people were very impressed with her reasons I don't understand. Yes. I do remember that it was it was it was it was dumb it was stupid and It's I also feel like there's definitely a business side to this because like by by making Photo realism like the thing like because we know like for some reason everyone in America who isn't like a fucking nerd It's just like cartoons and stylizing things are gay. I have to have it look real So that's what opened up gaming to a wider demographic and caused this massive In the first place, but on top of that dude, you're you're also basically Barrier to entry no taste required right exactly perfect perfect And then on top of that you've also set up this cycle that will never break of like we need to make games more real So every couple years you're gonna buy a new console to get better visuals We're like honestly if you just cared about art style like look at Wind Waker You could still make beautiful games using ps2 quality hardware because like they're indie devs right now who make games that are look Gorgeous, but are super low-end so one person can make it all all like the the equipment Manufacturers all like the CPU guys like they love this because this is excuses to like force people to buy the new shit That comes out that cranks out that little bit more. I think the most disgusting thing now is that we have the Xbox one X and the PS Because like they're not even new consoles They're just like we're just now they could run at the framerate that PC's been running for the last ten years It's so fucking dumb and people just eat it up Like I was really hoping that the Xbox one X and the ps4 pro would flop and make me be like Oh, I guess people aren't that retarded, but they're selling great So it's just you know what this is Tom. This is this is what exactly Ben was saying This is the normie influx into it. It is normies. These are people. I'm not they ruin everything This is people not looking for the best artistic or or game experience like all of us are fucking veterans We know what makes a good game because we've been there for decades. We've been experiencing this We know what makes a game good these people don't know shit So they latch on to the most obvious thing they can find that to them quote-unquote makes a game good And it's how pretty it is how how light and it's not even that like they understand what a good art style looks like It's that it looks the most true to life. Therefore. It's the best. Oh, it's infuriating. These people don't know shit normies get the fuck out Not only I say better myself Just look bad they are just not pleasant to look at because they always ugly regardless of anything ever It also just harms the game Okay, the only thing the only thing I care about in games is is if the aesthetic matches the gameplay and vice versa That's what they care about. I don't even care about the game is good. I was red-pilled on this I became like this after like like listening to the developer commentaries and like TF2 Like like if you go to TF2, you can like go like watch like some commentaries like in game And they talked about how in TF2 was really just gonna be this fucking like like, you know Super realistic hyper, you know hyper realistic blood splatter all of your screen, you know tails doll behind you Don't look out for Ben drowned, you know like that Okay, but but then like they're like this makes no sense because if we're going to make a good game, you know The the no real people are going to build bases like 20 feet from another beer from another So this is gonna make no sense like like if we do this and like, you know with realistic graphics You're gonna look fucking retarded and if we want to make it look good Then we're gonna have to like make the game shit and boring So they're like and there are a ton of like areas were like, you know a map can't be huge It has to be, you know a map that's designed well So there'd be plenty of streets and stuff and corridors you couldn't technically go through though It looks like you could in a realistic saying, you know If there's like a fence that's like maybe one foot high and they don't want to you know Completely just wall off then people would be here. Why can't why can't we get over this so then like well Why don't we just fucking just make them all? Cartoon characters and not just cartoon characters cartoon characters that benefit the game play Because the game the team to gameplay is all about just fucking being an insane lunatic and fucking killing people and like and like war time bullshit And you know all that kind of stuff So they took inspiration from like wartime posters of the fucking like 1940s and shit So they got all that they got a sec that match the gameplay and compliment it and they got to fix the gameplay too It was a beautiful marriage. Yeah The aesthetic totally works in the sense of like gameplay because like the whole idea about like the spy just like wearing a mask Of the thing that he's disguised as like that's great and that works from a gameplay perspective and an aesthetic art style sense It's it's a perfect blend. That's I mean that's that's just what makes that's what makes a good work of art of any media I mean just that all the elements all the elements compliment each other and become a beautiful marriage Yep, that gets on coons ferk my dog And games are no exception is Nintendo the only company that hasn't like been cocked and tries to go for realism all the time Hmm, it seems that way one of the few they're definitely the biggest one who's like fought off the temptation I think most of it was even just because like out of necessity because like they gave up trying to like do the highest spec Hardware a while ago, so they have to rely on art style to actually Loops right They focused more on making the games all HD rather than like making fun games Yeah, I was just about to say that while they didn't make realistic games They still like if you look at the cutscenes for Smash 4 they look fucking like oh Mario's individual hairs are fucking rendered I don't I don't care. I don't I mean Nintendo had Nintendo had lower hardware. You know a power or whatever with its consoles But they also they also had that guiding that guiding Shigeru Miyamoto and oh god, who's the earthbound guy? Who's the earthbound guy? They had those guys like the tone like the tone at the top of that company was like games should be fun Right. Yeah, so I feel I feel like that Probably went away towards keeping them out of this this fucking ghetto that we're all in the photo realism My favorite thing about Miyamoto is how he ruined Paper Mario. I really love that guy It's disgusting I think the good thing about Nintendo is that they recognize their limitations And then that's what makes you creative is to have those limitations Whereas like you know Sony and these other people are like, oh, let's let's see how far and wide and crazy We can make the graphics without yeah, what can we do with them? We'll switch to discs so we can have the biggest maps and the most and the most The most individual hairs rendered and the most veins rendered in the bulging eyeballs of our space marines You know now that now that Tom said that I really can't help but think that like really the thing that makes the most sense To me is that guys like Sony and Microsoft like obviously they're wrapped up deep in like the hardware game So it's totally to their benefit to do things that like like to push technology for so that they can sell more of that shit And like it makes sense to them to iterate in a small increments as possible to force people to buy it So yeah, man like this just to me now that I'm thinking about it This really just seemed like not criminal, but just manipulation. Wait, wait, what do you do to Paper Mario? Oh, oh, dude Okay, I mean, I know I know that the the thing with with square and Mario fell through and Mario RPG 2 became Paper Mario I don't know. No, that was good though. That was still in the good days Yeah, so pep Mario 1 and 2 are basically masterpieces. They're the best games ever made probably and they are better than any other game ever made Yeah, um and then paper Mario 3 comes out. It's like a weird like science one thing, but that's fine I wasn't I like I like yeah Say I like as well. It was different, but you know what it was still fun game then Everyone was but everyone at the time was like I remember that I remember people saying that yeah, that was me Yeah, um, you know, I mean, yeah, I was like, yeah, I would like that as well And then you know, it's like well, um, okay Sure, and then they were making like like like some like early press releases. They're like, yeah, we're gonna make a stamp paper Mario game It's gonna be sick and then or the 3ds as well. Yes Yeah, which we'll get to how handheld consoles are objectively better than home consoles. I think yes, we will and But yeah, I don't know if he was being able to himself But some someone said it was like yeah, this is basically just gonna be the thousand-year door again But uh, you know different and on the 3ds and so I was like, okay, and then it comes out and It's basically unplayable. It's nothing like the other games. It's a game called Mario sticker star Yeah, it isn't I play that game My parents bought me that game and I fucking hate it. It's terrible. I play it for five minutes You you are you are literally incentivized to never fight a single enemy or else you are at an immediate dissent Okay, like it sounds like an undertale to me Except that's yeah Mario sticker star is truly the greatest undertale of our generation Yeah, I played um I played Mario fucking OG Yeah, I played the OG the OG one is like one of my favorite games of all time Okay, I'm assuming that that was just like like later Mario and Luigi's actually I actually haven't played it No, it's it's like extremely old-school JRPG Okay, well, that's actually the first game I ever played in my whole life I think I was like two or three and my grandma gave me the controller and I was like what the fuck is this shit? Your grandma was playing Mario RPG. Oh my grandma is the one who got me into video games. My parents My when my when our parents saw me playing Mario RPG My mom was really confused by the like turn-based battle system because like Mario would swing his hammer And it wouldn't actually hit the enemy. Just damage would appear and she and she'd be like it's not even hitting him and I'd be like Mom you don't Five Visceral military action Okay, you swing your hammer Imagine if your hammer had ammo and once you were out of ammo for that hammer You could not use it ever until you got more ammo. That's what every Single attack in sticker star was like so dude I can't tell you all the bosses that I encountered in sticker star that I literally ran out of attack things that you could use To damage the enemy and you just have to lose and like go figure it out some other way you piece of well Yeah, it's a resource management sim. It's deep and not bad. Oh, yeah. All right. All right Why would you ever get into a bad like if you you can't ignore that RPG? Okay? It's not an RPG, but it was supposed to be it's an RP. Well, I mean, it's a paper Mario. It was called paper Mario RPG, it's a really piss game. Okay. Everybody should yeah exactly everybody should go watch a hyper bit heroes video That he made recently about it's got all the details on the show not only that but again where it slightly aesthetics Impact the gameplay in paper Mario one and two all this is the argument everyone always brings up and this happens in a lot Of other ways just in this but this is the you know Class example that the toads the toads and Mario Mario one and two were all distinct Yeah, like they did so much with the toe carries on that. I didn't like that is like way more than it's ever been used ever They gave all the world they built they built new worlds in more in paper Mario one or two like like rich like final fantasy Style worlds where you can go an adventure with towns and shit, and it was great all that's personality and richness And they just stripped they thought nope. This is terrible. This is a waste of our fucking time No one wants this shit literally everyone wants it so so so they just made they just made all the toes the exact same You know what red spots and then just the standard outfit Just all of them maybe one of them has like sunglasses who gives a fuck and all the worlds are just you know New Super Mario Bros. We they're all just fucking, you know grass Desert whatever the fuck we're in fucking paper Mario to you go to like fucking like like a Cortez Pirate ship or like WrestleMania in the sky. It's fucking sick fucking the fucking glitz pitch the fucking glitz pit the greatest level of any Video game of all time. Okay, you know what let's not spend too much more time on this We understand where you literally give birth in the middle of having a wrestling match. Yeah, I don't remember that All right, they also in a similar way they fucked up the the Mario and Luigi series Mario and Luigi Superstar is a master piece One of my favorite games of all time And then I think the series has declined since then but like the new one is just I don't know who cares the point is It doesn't matter like they're they're fucking it up. It's just getting worse and worse Pippa Mario one through three is great. I'll stand by that Are the third one the one that was on we Yeah The one with like the fez like change your change your a camera angle 3d. Yeah. Yeah, that was really cool Yeah, it was that that statement I just said is true But my brain was lying to my mouth what I actually meant to say is that Mario and Luigi one through three is great And oh really? Yeah One is one is a masterpiece greatest game of all time two is good and then the rest are like I don't care anymore We're Superstar saga on the GBA Yeah, two and three okay I think I guess that's why I only played the first one because I didn't get whatever The best experience you got the best experience Play the other ones either and I'm glad that my memory of the franchise has not been soured Fuck you Okay, quick Nate, um, do you remember at rad con to when mean We're mean to Vue just stayed up like all night talking about mar and the Ouija games Like right next in earshot of you while you were trying to sleep Like three hours and you were like guys, I'm trying to see can we please continue this tomorrow Remember that I remember it very well. I think I was more than the patient with Is to do Munchie's best memory and Nate's words Okay, all right, we've been faffing around a lot. Let's get to the heart of our discussion here All right, it's time to talk about the best consoles. Yeah, all Better, but which one is the best? Which one's the best I can tell you the story of how the GBA broke my heart Okay, go for it. I was seven years old the GBA just came out and I wanted it and my dumb-ass dad said Well, if you wanted why don't you just buy it yourself? Excellent what kind of lesson is that to teach a seven-year-old like am I supposed to go get a job? Am I supposed to learn about like individual responsibility the same thing saving my fucking money? I'm seven allowance I don't know. I don't get allowance there. I don't know about you guys. I thought allowance was a myth That was on TV. Yeah, yeah, bullshit, but I eventually get one Because my mom is not a prick and she gets me one and I got I got the oh game boy color game Pokemon crystal the the big ol see-through cartridge you can you can see the battery. It's beautiful beautiful game Good, and I'm seven and I don't know how anything works my first Pokemon game So I in the game with a like a level 90 for alligator. I beat red I remember specifically the four attacks of my for alligator were and I shit you not I don't know how this happened cut slash scratch Hydro pump, but those were the four Anyway, that's the top tier threat in the OU meta game Were you the girl in the crystal? Yeah, um, of course just wondering probably I don't remember but probably okay anyway Here's the heartbreak we go on a trip a family trip down to Arizona And we take a plane ride and I'm playing my game boy on the plane And I think oh man, there's it on the seat in front of me There's this little pouch that you can put stuff in I want to put my And then we finally get to our destination run the hotel, and I'm like I'm gonna play some more Goodbye for alligator I Have a love game boy. Yeah, yeah, I'd buy forever greater. Oh I have I have I have my story that I may have told before when I was running to catch a train I think I was coming home from college So that inspired this this very out. Oh, yeah tragic story Ben I'll recap it real quick I was running for the train, and I had my DS in my pocket with Nate your copy of Zelda four swords, I think and it was the Zelda the three D one on the DS I can't remember yeah, but yeah, and it just it just fucking I was run to the train And it just bounced right out of my bag and just slid right under this fell right off the platform under the train And I'm just staring at it like it's right there, and I can't get it I just had to get on the train and sit on the seat, and I just like it's right there It's like a couple feet below me, but there's no getting it now It's like it's like Ben's on the train to Auschwitz What can I do I can't interfere in this this is not my business. I don't know about you guys either the conductor Yeah, I don't know about you guys, but been in a train station in a hurry just feels so right to me It's not like the train was leaving early like it was on time Ben's just late it was it was it was it was leaving Imminently it was leaving in the next minute or two the lesson to take home from this is always make sure that you're on time So you don't you don't run in and you're bouncing your shit, and every you got And you don't and you don't lose your brother's copy of zelda four-swords Whatever it was. I think it was phantom hourglass. You know what it was phantom hourglass. That's right. Yeah, okay All right. The DS light is the best console ever made Okay, here we go Tom why do you sign because the DS can play game play game it can but it's just it's not the same. It's not the same I can Scientifically proves to you that GBA SP is a superior Gameboy advanced experience than the DS light Do you want me to explain to you how the very the very simple reason is that? No, no the reason that the SP is superior is because The biggest problem I have with the DS light because I had a GBA original had a GBA SP Which I went through two and I tragically broke one. That's a good story Then I had the original DS then I got the PSP which is fucking gay And then I got the DS light sort of and the one thing that I hated about the DS light that was never fixed is that the d-pad Sucks and the reason the d-pad on the DS light sucks. He's right is because it has terrible Diagonals if you try and play fighting games, which I played all the time I played Street Fighter 3 played Street Fighter 2 played Kate your fighters to howling blood You can't do quarter circles on the DS light pad because the diagonals suck, but the perfect d-pad Evermade is the one on the GBA SP because it's clicky and it's super tactile and responsive It's the best d-pad ever made on God's earth, and it's perfect. It's amazing I would hook it up to a PlayStation and play real fighting games with it because it's so fucking good I have an objective Argument to that exact one Yes, and I know why I know how because I used to play Bowser's is inside story my favorite fetish game ever made And I would only walk diagonally because I thought the sprites were cool. I would only do it I would only Diagonals on the DS light work, but you have to push and hold it down if you're trying to do a quick quarter circle in a fighting game They don't register. I hate fighting games. Why would I play one? Because I'm not talking about what's better for fighting games saying what's that? What's the definitive GBA experience, and I'm saying if you play fighting games It's better to get an SP than a DS light ergo the argument that it can play DS or can act and play GBA games It's invalid because it can't play them all effective Tom Every Gameboy I've ever had the R&L button would like stop work. Yeah, yeah same same thing on the DS though So that's that's that's that's a Nintendo problem No, I Let me okay. Let me just say the DS can play five generations of Pokemon Tom How many generations of Pokemon can you play on your fucking SP? It's a fire red and leaf green the only ones that matter. That's true. That's all you need All right, let me make the business argument here. Okay, here's why the SP wins in this one category It's because the SP was the first laptop I ever owned I would do all my business dealings on I have my spreadsheets and I would organize I'd flip it open on my lap and I'd be typing on it You know on an on a high-powered business trip. I was a fucking god of 80s finance and business This is how I actually felt I felt like a business Like you had the Gameboy Advance original and it felt like a toy and then like you graduated SP You felt like a man because it was it was such a much more sophisticated design It was sophisticated. It's not that we have to give credit to the SP The first handheld console with a backlight You can plug it into the wall no more fucking batteries. Oh my god was so it saves my wallet It's my eyes. It literally is the closest thing to God ever made by Well, well, we should give it credit for being the first no sprictive categories Going back to it now the backlight sucks on the SP and that yes is way better. It has improved. That's true I want to say that I still on the subject of feeling powerful when you're when you're having your high-powered laptop console I still feel intimidated by my fucking 3ds. It's like I feel like it's too powerful for me Like like I need to like like handle it with with with velvet gloves like Like it's a delicate button of an atomic bomb and I could fuck I could fuck this up at any minute I actually agree Ben and I think Nintendo sort of has tacitly admitted that in the way that they've made like the 2ds And they're just like yeah, we did you know I know everyone thinks it looks fucking stupid, but the original 2ds is so much more comfortable to hold it I believe it takes a beating and keeps on taking doesn't give a fucking shit. It is great and I love it Okay That's what I was just gonna say so like okay now that it's been like fucking 20 years or whatever since like the original DS came out They have finally or since the 3ds came out It seems like they finally like with their very last iteration which no one's going to buy because everyone already owns two different versions of it There's like it's you know some weird collection of letters and numbers at the end But it's like the 2ds XL light or whatever it is like the biggest L or whatever it's got two thumbsticks in it It's got the huge screen. It's got Support for everything now that seems like the defeat and it doesn't have that waste of space that was the 3d technology Nobody cares about that, but it doesn't have what me and Ben have and nobody else in the world has which is the capability of plugging it into your computer Fucking high rollers over here you goddamn That is okay You know what I was gonna save this for later But I on that point since you brought it up Tom earlier sort of discounted the PSP I do have to say though from a from a sort of technical standpoint the PSP has been the console that I have most I should I should have worked on but honestly it like the games that came out on it were okay But the fact that you could fucking put custom firmware on there and do whatever the fuck you wanted Exactly was the fucking tits the only thing that sucked is that Sony constantly tried to like fucking cock block you with that Cuz every time you want to play the one good game. It's like you could upgrade new firmware. It's gonna break your fucking cousin Where what do you want to do? It's all right? But the PSP also gave me the ability to watch porn on a console for the first time and I did that like a mother fuck That was my 3d is right right? Oh my god It was fucking nuts in my fucking bed with that shit. Holy shit. It was nuts But also just the PSP turned me into elite hacker man like I became a genius thanks to owning a PSP It was it was from a technical perspective and what it could be done with it Was super fucking cool. You like the first time you bought like I got a four gig card And you just loaded games right on it and you didn't have to dig around with the discs anymore You got rock hard. You felt like it was incredible. It was it was so empowering and It would be I think the only point I want to make else about the PSP is that as like a longtime Sony guy You know playing like Kingdom Hearts and You know all the Final Fantasy games that were on Sony shit like so there was a Kingdom Hearts game I had to play it honestly. There were two games that matter for the PSP There's Kingdom Hearts birth by sleep not that I even liked that game But I had to play it as a Kingdom Hearts guy and there was Dissidia Final Fantasy the most important game Game on the PSP that'd be Metal Gear solid piece walker piece. Well, of course. I love fucking piece walker You know what was great about piece walker the bizarre fucked up control scheme on the PSP and it all It worked it did work Kojima found a way to make that single analog not suck. I was very impressed you people you use the fucking like So, you know, you got the deep and on the left on the right You've got the buttons instead of the normal scheme you use the buttons to like control the camera in first person or something like that It was fucking bizarre But okay, that's all I want to say about the PSP You know what I've always had a deep-seated hatred for the PSP Because much like our friend Hippo. I'm a big fan of the ratchet and clink series I bought every game and then they announced hey guys the next one ratchet in clink size matters is a PSP Exclusive and I said We see where you cried like a little bitch. I instead bought a PSP When I was ten in Fourth grade and Pokemon first came out and all of my goddamn friends had a Gameboy I was like mom please Can I have a fucking Gameboy and she was like no I'm like please She's like you can save up for one of like it's a hundred dollars, and I'm ten She's like you better start saving so I go Dude I would money. I don't find court. I had a huge fucking cup full of like money I would do for chores Quarters that I found around the house quarters I'd find on the street and I saved up I think 80 out of the 100 I couldn't even afford the Gameboy color So just gonna get a Gameboy pocket because that was $20 cheaper. I'm like I gotta cut my losses here So I save up the 80 fucking dollars and by some fucking miracle There was a coupon that I found for like I think it was Walmart that like you buy a gameboy You got one free game. It's like oh, I don't say the 30 So it's like all right. I'm going and I'm getting Pokemon So I went I went to the store and my dad went with me and my dad did know anything about games So I gave him the money so he could buy it and shit. He bought the Gameboy color instead Which was fucking sick. So I got the free upgrade, but then I made I made I made a critical error And I was retarded because I was I was and I was stupid because I went and talked to the guy who was selling the games And I said I wanted Pokemon for my free game, and he was like Pokemon's really complicated I don't think you'd enjoy that game. Oh And he talked he talked me out of getting Pokemon And it was the biggest mistake of my life because the game I got sucked and then everyone and then my friend let me borrow Pokemon It was the best thing I ever played in my goddamn life, and I was like mom. Yeah, I need Pokemon and she's like Save up so to save up again To get Pokemon and I did shitty game was yeah, it was it was geck's Gecks for game all right all right, and it was pretty bad Because it would all the all the like humor that was from the PlayStation one gone nothing in there so it fucking sucked but um So I got Pokemon. I became the best we should find out who that employee was I would I would absolutely assassinate him without a second thought if I Do it who does that to a little kid? It was it was it was awful. So I got Pokemon red I fucking dominated I was the best kid at school Wrecked train I didn't I was so committed to Game Boy and handheld gaming that when the Pokemon ban happened And they banned all the shit and they they literally rounded up all our game boys and put them in the principal's office when this And I was like no so I went to the principal's office sat down wonder why people shoot up schools And had a discussion with the man for like half an hour through all of recess and convinced him to let everyone Have their game boys back and for three weeks before someone else fucked it up again We all had our game boys, and I was a hero, but The tragic end to my Pokemon experience was I I was I was working this entire time to get the whole Pokedex Because of course that's what you do and this was back when I actually had friends in real life Which is a phenomenon that has not since come back So I could actually trade via link cable and get the the guys that weren't in the game They had to trade right the only one I needed was Machamp and it was it was the weekend I was gonna get it on Monday for my friend Mitchell And so because he had them he had a game I had him a choke and he needed Gengar so we're gonna do the trade and train it back was fine So we went to the movies I don't remember we're gonna see but I was playing my game boy leveling up my level 96 Venusaur and this is before the rare candycoats I did that fucking like legit to this day I remember leveling up till 96 by killing a level 2 pigeon because I never ran because running's for bitches so yeah So I was just playing the game on our way to the movie and someone hits me and I dropped the game boy Turns off and then I turn the game turn it back on the game boys fine But the cartridge has been destroyed and all of my files are gone Dude No, like someone just like they were actually the movie they hit me like they ran into me and it flew out of my hands And and it just the cartridge didn't survive the drive. They fucking animate you god damn It was the at least now we know why Tom's depressed. Oh dude. It's it's something you don't recover from this day I've never gotten all 150 because I don't have friends anymore, and I can't read so it's it's it's it's the worst It's the worst fucking thing of all time And and and Pokemon has never been the same since a little a little bit of the good news I'll day The good news is you don't need friends to complete the pokedex anymore. You can do it as a lone Suicidal boy, so yeah, but now it's like 800 people and it's like Tom sheep sheep over has a game boy color with Pokemon blue So if you want to come over here, we will fucking trade with you and gets you your 150 Dude, I would honestly make like I if I'd sat down for weakness like all right I'm doing it. I'm finally making it happen and just fucking did that it'd be the greatest accomplishment of my life because To this day just once you move into the cargo van and we'll do it. I do yeah That'll it'll just to dissipate the cloud of darkness. That's been over you It's all from that one day, but yeah, I don't need Prozac anymore. I Think I don't need 150 milligrams of Prozac. I have a hundred fifty Okay, so of course everyone Pokemon is like integral to the childhood, you know Console experience so did anybody play any of the older It's they would have any fond memories of the older consoles than that like Ben and I had a super Nintendo Sega Genesis was my first console and the first game I ever played in my entire life was when I was in first grade and we had like a game day at school Like you bring in games you play it's the end of the school year And I brought in like shoots and ladders because it was a young unretarded and my And my friend brought in a game boy with Super Mario Land 2 6 Golden Coins Let me try my life changed forever It was like the big original game boy, and I was like holy fucking shit. This is literally magic. I Need to kill you and take this home with me and ever since then it took me three years to get the game boy Finally because ever since then I wanted it and it just ah, it was the worst But I but it finally made my favorite my favorite old-school console is magic the gathering Nate me and you Nate me and you had we started we started young with the fucking And the NES the NES I remember when we got that and I think our uncle gave it to us and And I remember that I told I said it was the greatest day of my life And I think I disturbed our parents by insisting that the day I got this fucking game was the greatest day of my life Our parents definitely had a weird cloud over their heads when like they did we actually kind of fell out of video games for a While but it was when I was given a game boy pocket for Christmas like a year or two after that That was when it all came tumbling I'm sure my parents just like their hearts sank cuz I had asked my parents to like buy me a new console back They're like hey everyone's playing game boys. Can I have one they're like no no you don't need that that's not for you It's not good, but then one of my fucking uncle. I think was uncle Jake gave me a game boy, and I man our poor Yeah, I think I think I don't know about I mean I think I was like fucking obsessed like all I ever wanted to do was play video games Which I feel like it's probably why our parents I played too much what I get up I'd get up before school I'd start playing Sonic 2 and then I'd leave the console on all day come home and just immediately pick up Oh, yeah, and eventually there's like you're too obsessed. We're taking it. I'm like well now I have literally no meaning to like being alive But then I got the game boy later N64 and that was that was some good times. I remember one time I was like it was late, and I was playing I was playing Donkey Kong Country 2 and I was like I fucking love this game I want to I would just want to keep playing it and I think mom was like Then it's bedtime. You got to go to bed, and I was like I want to stay I want to play video games, and I think dad was like he was like no Mom listen, um, he's a big kid He can do what he wants like if he wants to stay up all night and play this video game Let him let him pull an all-nighter, and I don't know if he was genuine I don't know if he was genuinely trying to do something nice Or if he was trying or if he was playing some weird psychological manipulation games But the way it was offered made me feel like like guilty for like wanting it in the first place So I was just like no never mind. I'll go to bed That's interesting, but you know what that's kind of good like Parents do a lot of like babying other parents But to like force you to make a decision like it's kind of making you mature I guess so it seems like a good thing I guess I guess I mean if he's really like guilty if he says it like Oh, no, it's not like your parents lives matter to you at all. Just do whatever you want No, in hindsight, I think he was genuinely giving me the choice. Yeah Well, yeah, I think that's good. I think that's kind of good Like if you actually stay up and then you like are having a terrible time the next day And you could just make there's the problem like well, you know, you stay up maybe he maybe he wanted it to be a learning moment I want to say my first video game experience because because I Hope that Ben. I hope you apologize to dad for not learning the lesson. He attempted to teach you that fateful day Groveled yes, it involves everyone's favorite resports enthusiast rocky My right video game experience of all time. Okay, so so I walk into second grade ballers Fuck and ready to fuck up some bitches Hell yeah as as you do and then I then and then I see like this like fucking kid in the back of head Like everyone's like like crowded like crowded fucking around him And I like like a walk up behind him and like he's like has like little like like TV screen And he's like pressing buttons and I see Lego Luke Skywalker just flipping the fuck around just you know Killing some rain cores and you know dismembering some ethnic minorities And then I and then I like have them so I'm like guys guys What is this? What's happening? And then he turns around to me and he smiles wisely ever heard of video games? That moment I knew that I had to play a video game nothing will ever be So if I be over to his house and he was like hey dude check this out I just got I just got this and the fucking you know, I got this in the mail This is this is the new shit. It's called we sports, and I think I'm addicted and So so let me play munchie. Are you 12? Yeah It is very entertaining to reflect on how munchies experiences are all like vastly updated game consoles from like what we all Got introduced to when we were at least well, I mean, you know, there's a there's a degree of age here But whatever go on munchie go on. Yeah, so yeah, so yeah, I'm a young boy And he was like dude check this out It's the we if you like move your hand the game moves. I was like this is weird video games are weird I guess is how they always are video games are intensive But then he like he like let me like like he had like two game was he was a rich fuck He brought to school like he's like normal game boy And then like like behind like a case in his fucking room Thank you Would just like occasionally bring out for his like luxury his luxury, you know game experiences He would have a game boy sp in mint condition that was yellow and had peeking to his face on it He would all use that for playing Pokemon and and he was like let me play like maybe it's a poke God Just just the the extravagance. I know I Like he like let me play fucking like like a little bit of Pokemon the fucking decadence of that fucking Did you know in our country in our country a 1% of the population has 99% of the game So that was like that was that was my video game popping of the cherry and that was like I must have one So, uh, so so so I wouldn't know my mom I was like mom if you don't give me a game boy, I'll understand but also frowny face So please consider and presented with such an ultimatum she had but no And so she got me she got me game boy sp and these were the following games I had Pokemon sapphire Lego Star Wars on game boy the best game ever made and also Pokemon mystery dungeon red and I I played those games all fucking day constantly without any, um, you know Respite or relaxation. It was all my my my my my soul nine to five was becoming a pokemon god Not a pokemon master pokemon god And so I played it all the time and when after school every day I would just go to a rocky house and I would beat the shit out of him brawl because even though I was just unmashing he was shit and I was just down being as curvy every single day of my life And it was great town be as curvy. That's undefeatable. Yeah, literally Impossible to feed and yeah after I beat him every single time he would like cute like like like right before I like star kato I mean he would just like reset the matching like that. I didn't know Just warm it up I have fond memories of resetting brawl matches at the moment of truth. Yeah I was like being fucking blasted away on my life. Did not fucking count. We're doing it again I I always loved in in smash. Like, you know that weird combination of buttons You have to push in order to reset the match. You have to push like 10 fucking buttons at once. I always really liked that I was fun Yeah, it's like when you like like like you always know that moment You always know that moment when you're like winning the person's being really fucking mad and then like yeah Like as soon as you like hit them and you know that hits about to kill and they pause Even before you match actually as you know, oh, shit. They're doing it and then you hear that All those fucking like Yeah, no, yeah Fucking and then it's over. No contest. It's objectively true. You guys are equal in skill There's no delta between these people. Oh, thank you announcer. Thank you for that And then you would always smile wisely and you would know that that that your sheer intellect has got As your hands shake with the with the tremendous effort you had to press to push all those fucking buttons Yeah, as ever your soul fucking leaves your body for this sheer effort of resetting that fucking game I'm not going to play smash anymore. That's their game. I'm not going to fight them. I'm going to fuck them And it proceeds to unplug everyone else's controller Of course that mad man Yeah, okay guys guys we've been talking a lot of shit here Is it time to get down to brass tax time to get down to brass tax we've got to address at least a little bit Stationary consoles non-mobile The PlayStation series the best console of all time. Is it is it just going to be the ps2? Are we all going to agree? It's the ps2. I mean, you know what from objectively the best This ps2 is probably the best. I'm you know, I think I think for me. I have a real soft spot for the super nintendo I think my favorite childhood memories are with the super nintendo So I don't know if anything will ever top that for me Fuck mario rpg secretive mana the greatest the greatest Here by the remake of secretive mana that's coming. They're making a 3d remake of secretive mana. Oh god Fucking just gag me just gag me. I know We'll see I'll report back We should mention this too briefly before we get into that whole thing What console did you guys grow up with because I only had nintendo con? I only had a gamecube a we and then an sp and then a d Well, we me and me and nate a year ago me and nate started with the nes and we upgraded to super nintendo But then but then we diverged because final fantasy was on playstation So we had to switch so we switched to be in sony boy's fantasy path. Yeah We call the final fantasies trajectory through through every twist and turn that it took Yeah, although there was a we at some point We did return to where I could get my hands on because most of the time I either had to give up a birthday slot for a console or I had to pay for my own money So Living birthday to birthday was how this is how this operation that's how it worked You had to you had to plan it strategically I have I have a great story of one of my birthday when I got an xbox for the first time because I was just like Me and my friends were getting big into halo and halo two was just about to drop and okay So halo two came out november 9th 2004 and I remember this because my birthday is november 8th So on the 8th I get the money to buy an xbox So I go into gamestop. I'm like I need an xbox. He's like getting ready for halo two I'm like fuck. Yeah, dude And the guy just looks at me he like looks he looks around the there's nobody in the store except for me and him for some Reason because it's a small game. So if he looks around the store, he's like Do you want to touch it? I'm like What he's like and then he goes he goes and he right he goes to the back store brings out a huge stack of Halo two copies that are grown And he just holds it out and I get to like hold it the day before it comes out Oh my god, it's like dude. You're gonna come back tomorrow and get it. I'm like, ah It was so fucking cool But yeah, I got that was gonna give him a hand job so you could have it early Uh, you know, he was trying to get you back there You know, he he tried but but he was close But you know my my my my desire to to make sweet love to my new xbox console was more powerful Yeah, then my desire to please him sexually So you could you could have made it work. You could have made it work. That's all Yeah, it's true. I was young a relationship is a two-way street. Tom. It takes work. God damn. You have to work out of it I had a date with the astro chiefs that night um Yeah, incidentally my my greatest gaming triumph of all time was playing the greatest game of all time final fantasy Decidia for psb like a full like it was like christmas night or like christmas eve or something I was at me and ben's house or our family home and I had just fucking Created a pandora's battery by sawing through my fucking battery pack for my psb I don't remember that hack It was nuts. I had all my shit laid out. I was a fucking wizard. I was I was running a thousand bots and fucking Linux and all kinds of crap. I have no idea what you're talking about. It doesn't matter. The point is Gimp open at the same time I was in high level hacker mode So the the point I'm trying to get to is just that I I there was a it was a release of the iso for decidia Like seven days before it went live in japan in japan not even in america It took like another year for it to come out here and I was fucking playing it on christmas eve a snow fell around And I was literally little finger looking out the world and I'm like, I just made you my fucking Bitch I run this shit. I control this world was getting psb isos before they came out in america Like I remember playing like the bleach game that came out like two years before it even got like a chapter in america Like that was some cool shit Oh, it was great and then eventually once I got into the uh the the ds like uh, what are you called ace card? Yeah, I have one for gba and for ds. It was so fucking for gba legit Yeah, those were fantastic Again, that was the best in playing like metal slug and like all these games are harder to find I could never I could I always wanted to play yig drew union for gba And it was like a turn-based sure okay with like the super fucking sick art style But it never worked on my car and I was always pissed to this day. I still haven't played it I should buy it someday see that that's kind of the point that i'm getting to right now So the greatest the greatest console ever made is i'm going to go with the ds light Just because it's my favorite ds and it is it has everything to do with the fucking hacking scene So like did you play wake one on ds? I I did not I don't know. Oh, dude. That was they remade the original quake for pc on ds with mouse aiming with like the touch screen It had multi wireless multiplayer. It was the coolest fucking wireless multiplayer. Holy shit It was awesome. The reason it was so cool is because uh, we had this kid It was like two years older than us that go went to our school I think his name was paul gibbler or something and he was like a super hacker man So he put quake on all the pcs for like two years All the time and no one knew how to stop it Then eventually they hired someone to get rid of it and like the exact same time quake came out on ds So we're like fuck you we're still playing quake. Anyway, bitch That's perfect And it was either that or mario kart ds in the middle of class and they couldn't stop you because they're just wireless now So it wasn't link cables. Oh man. It was so there were There were some heroes at my school who installed civilization on like every computer they could get their hands on So we would like everyone to be playing civilization and like library class or whatever the fuck it was But yeah, I mean I I uh the hacking thing psb stuff got me into the scene But it was the ds like the library of the ds is Incredible it's so many incredible games and the fact that you have access to the um to like the gba library Once they expanded that capability and you could run those two. Oh, it was the fucking best I still I have it right here. I have it right here and I play that shit all the time I still have my ds. It's sitting right over there too. Did you have the um greatest I got I got the the flash card that I had it had uh the card itself And then it had a gba slot too so you could play gba rom's off the ds slot It just like did a pass through and then it was flush to the system because you know how Why do not have that yeah with the light the games the gba game stuck out because it made it smaller But this one right flush like the regularist like filler cart they put in by default But it still ran all the gba games so I had like both them going at the same time and I was a fucking god That's dope. It was super fucking cool But I mean the whole thing is like I'm sitting here like like preaching like the gospel of gba But but like it's like there's like a fraction of a percent between gba ps2 and ds They're all like like so fucking like unstoppable in their own in their own class like it's just Ah, it's hard to pick. You know gba definitely was like the one that I had like the most fond memories of because it's like I don't know. I think it's because like that was when I had the most money and time for games So I had tons of gba games And I just like I played them constantly in class like I may play I loved metroid fusion That was the first metroid ever played and I had no idea. Oh me too. I fucking love that game. It's incredible It's so good. It was because like I played nintendo games I wasn't in super metroid people shit on fucking metroid fusion Metroid fusion is better than super metroid god damn you is the best metroid because like it's a crafted narrative experience Thank you. Nobody understands that To this day. I'm waiting for fucking metroid dread to come out and keep that fucking storyline going I still holding out. Yes. We need it. Did you see did you see and uh the new metroid coming up metroid samurse returns for 3ds? Right when you beat it with the if you beat it and you put you get the fusion suit. You get the fusion suit It's still there. It's Dread is coming. I'm not There's still hope. Ah, it's so gonna be so fucking dope. You know, I just well on that subject I heard that like so some guy who know like the director of that game would ever said like yeah guys Just so you know future metroid games being developed depends on the sales of this uh this like 2d metroid I'm gonna buy like three of them man. Yeah Oh my god. The first time my friend showed me zero suit samus and brawl I got an uncontrollable sadness in my heart knowing that sadness. I thought you were gonna say an uncontrollable boner Yeah, I was gonna say boner because that's how I felt Like a sadness because I that was the first time I was ever in brawl when you can like the freeze frame and zoom in on Shit, you better believe I played a lot of human Let me just say all right. Uh, the the fucking in brawl in brawl you had that you could pause and move the camera So so I'm sure we're all familiar with peaches. Uh forward tilt. Yeah forward fucking tilt I think we all know what I'm talking about and they they fucking black hold her panties in the new one It's a disgrace. I hate this fucking God damn it. It makes me so fucking mad How could they do it like okay? The fact of the matter is kids Uh and and parents at home like sex is real. It is real women are real You can't just like pretend that it's not there and like how are kids supposed to fucking find out that sex is real If you just like put black holes over vaginas everywhere How does blacking out a pair of panties make kids think that sex isn't real? Where are you getting this? You know where I'm getting it from Okay, I'm saying that's the attitude that these people are approaching these kind of decisions from It's like they want to just block out the whole concept of like even of vagina from the minds of children I I guess male too, but also the penis for every one game Panda peaches panties should be the main focus and she should be the only thing she's fucking wearing I mean, I mean they should be there. All right. They're they're real. She wears a dress. God damn it Let's not let's not run from the facts that where you went to dress and you do a badass high kick You're showing everyone your panties. That's real. I I agree. I agree But I I agree that it shouldn't have been censored but not on the grounds that we need more sex in our video game It's on the ground that it's not that I don't think a parent that's seeing panties should be inherently sexual Okay, but but it's the idea that like they're replaced with this black hole like like they're they're covered it up You know like they're ashamed of it and I just I'm like why you know fucking deal like uh Couldn't they just added more ruffles or something could he's added more ruffles underneath there That's a more creative solution that I would be more in favor of I wouldn't love it but it's better and and like palutena Like you can just see palutena's panties because like her dress doesn't really allow to make like a black hole It's okay for her but not for peach. What the fuck. Oh, it's okay for fucking. Uh, what's the name sakurai? Yeah, Sakurai's waifu palutena gets to show her panties to everybody but peach doesn't that's bullshit Do you like how the sakurai waifu has has like a stripper taunt? You like that? Yeah, she literally has a stripper pole taut. Okay. Fucking sakurai get the fuck out. You're done, son You're you're all wrapped up Uh, okay. Nobody has mentioned. I really I did want to give a strong shout out to the ps1 the fucking ps1 That made me the console I ever got for free. No strings attached and it was the greatest day The ps2 the ps2 is only objectively the best because it's riding on the backs of the on the back of the ps1 Yeah, because you can play ps1 games on it all my favorite games from the ps1 Yeah, there you go. There you go and uh the ps2 only wins by the revolution of the disc The disc in the ps1 was a big fucking deal, you know, and it was celebrated as such It opened up the doors for the memory cards, which I love memory cards are dope Um, and come on. We all know the okay. Let's just let's just address this right now. The aesthetic It's the aesthetic of popping between discs in the ps1 is like the most enjoyable Experience of any fucking it felt like you got way more game for your money even though it it's questionable That's even true like like when I got the first game I got for my ps1 was final fantasy 9 and when it was four discs long I felt like a I know I know there is so much here. How am I ever going to get through all of this? It was the best feeling of all time to have like four discs all at once isn't it great Isn't it great the square edicts? Uh instead they make the base game and then they basically sell you the other three discs Is that dlc packs later? I love modern video games everybody I commented on this on that video this morning but I was like I I the comment I just said was uh I I Forgot that metal gear solid 2 was actually metal gear solid 3 because remember mgs1 came on two discs That was great. That's a brilliant point on my on my new video. Yeah It just so you people know what the fuck we're talking about I made a video about like people are actually making a claim that the final fantasy 7 remake because square enix has said They're splitting it into individual parts that are like individual game experiences These are their words because of that. It's the same as final fantasy original because it has three discs Like this is a real watch my video. It's yeah, it's the most superior thing in the world Um, yeah, so the fuck. Yeah ps1. Uh, I think I might honestly give it to the ps1 is my favorite console I think I think the ps2 is like the best But it's got a final fantasy 7 8 and 9. How can you argue with that lineup? It's it's Legend of prune crono cross. I don't say the crono cross was so fucking good crono cross Sure. Yeah, I love crono cross. It had it had that awesome remake of crono trigger too That's yeah, you're absolutely that was in the final fantasy collection Whatever it was anthologies had four and it had uh, crono trigger in it I just I just emulated this very morning before this uh, the the ghost in the shell ps1 game Which has some of the best fucking animation it is the manga of ghost in the shell come to life Like it literally never has in any other medium. It's actually super fun. Love it really liked it Yeah, it was really fun ps2 has the best game of all time thrillville Everybody loves thrillville. It's super fun Uh, playstation playstation only there was a if only there was a let's player that I loved Who was who was like doing videos about thrillville right now? Well, he's drunk off his ass and doesn't remember what happened He hasn't even watched him back in his upload summon sees what happens. I'm sorry ben Playstation one had vandal hearts and vanguard bandits to To two pretty terrible games that I never loved Oh Love vanguard bandits just give me some vanguard bandits and some lincoln park and just let me go back Just let me go back to the good old days of 15 year old me Oh the good good times Okay, uh, any Yeah, go on much. What do you say? I I haven't had much to say about this because the only games I ever played on the ds Sorry, the ps2 were my cousin's game. So I just you know walked over to his house Well, you know every once in a while and he would like uh, everyone would go to sleep and he was like You want to see what a real video game is and you'd pop in like like grand theft auto or like Oh Games of all time I was like I was so paranoid about that shit Like I remember I had I had a copy of the original grand theft auto for ps1 And it was the first m rated game. I ever snuck into the house And I was so paranoid I actually like took the the manual out of the game case I cut out a t rating from an ad from And pasted it on to the front so no one could tell that it was rated. Um, and just just in case I happened to leave it out No one would be the wiser Nate I was thinking with your head. Nate I might be misremembering this but didn't our dad like take Grand theft auto san andreas from you. Let me let me tell you the tale. Yeah, I was just an adult I I want to say I was literally 18 I think at this time. Okay, but the idea was I was in his house. You know, you know what? No, I wasn't 18 I was I was like 60. This was in high school. Sometimes. Okay. Maybe you were like maybe I think maybe you were like 16 and he said I'll give it back to you when you're 18 and then just never did Well to be fair I never called the question when I was 18, but when I was in my 20s, you know my my early 20s god I'm in 27 out. Oh god Okay Uh I just I totally lost my train of thought because I want to die san andreas Oh, right when I was 20 something like he finally gave it back He was just like looking through his sock drawer and I was like, hey, Nate. I found this didn't I steal this from you? Here you go And then why did he take it from you? What was his reasoning that he gave? Okay, I honestly think that the real reason that he did it was because I think we had had a conversation about how he doesn't want those sorts of video games in his house And then like I just did it without like checking with him Like he just he watched it on me playing it sometime And uh, I'm sure all this contributed to my deep Uh, just like hatred of having other people around when I play video games It freaks me the fuck out. I have to do it in secrecy. It's like it's like a secret eater Only I'm a secret game player. No one can witness my my sin Dude, I feel the same way. I feel like vaguely embarrassed whenever anyone knows I'm playing video games. It's like, oh, no The shame fucked us up. You fucked us up dad Oh, but I did want to give my dad credit because one day I brought home uh devil may cry one and I was really excited to play because I thought it was really cool And I was like, oh no, is dad gonna be okay with this? But what I did was I said dad I got this game devil may cry one I was hoping that you could just like, you know, I don't want to do the shit I did with san adreus. Could you just, you know, is this cool with you? He's like, all right, Nate tell you what let me play it and I'll get back to you And I was like, well, okay, and I was a little worried because it's kind of a violent game Anyway, I came back after a little while. He said date. I played this. It's kind of fun Uh, it seems seems fine seems appropriate. So, you know, whatever go for it So our dad plates and devil may cry one had a little fun. That game is fucking great It is a great game. Absolutely. That was my first ps2 I can I cannot imagine dad playing devil may cry. That is like the weirdest thing I can ever even conceive of I it is a bit weird, you know one time ben To fucking don't they get fucking stabbed by by what's her face in the first cut scene. Yeah, just like this seems appropriate Yeah, holy shit. What the what the fuck? I don't know man. I guess he just thought it wasn't that I honestly think it was more of the fact that he felt like Like I had gone behind his back and like betrayed him in some way Because he had like forbidden or something. So I get that but uh, remember ben when dad came up to us and was like, hey guys, uh Uh, so you've got grand theft. No, it wasn't grand. I see you've got a gta. No, fuck. What's that gta grand tourism? That's the where I'm looking for you've got grand tourism over your playstation I like cars, uh, would you mind if I played that some time? You know, I'm not gonna like kick you off or anything and ben was like, no, this is our game console You're not allowed to play our video games defend yourself ben. That is not okay I don't remember that happening But I remember that me and dad were like we were like in the midst of an all right like there was some shit going down that made me mad at him about that I and and Yeah, I remember he I sort of remember that happening if dad had just come up to me in good faith and been like, hey You've got a video game. I'd like of course I would have fucking let him but it wasn't that simple There was there was some fucking context to it that I don't remember but yeah, I remember getting mad at him I remember getting no I think I got mad at him because like he went and like played it like he played it without asking or something I don't know. Like I don't think he came up and asked me I think he just like told me that he had gone and like played like my like our ps2 because we bought it Like he had played on our ps2 without without and I was mad about that I guess I sort of get that. I don't know whatever I don't I don't remember the typical Ben hiding behind the the defense of context like Oh, it's we've been saying context matters So is the result of this podcast that the ds light is the best handheld and the ps2 is the best console Super Nintendo is the best console. We all agree, of course Did you did make wanted to make sure that I mentioned he he is with me on gba being best console That's true. Did you would have been here? I think to say that he's a gba guy for life Oh listening. What does hippo say? Oh, that's a good. That's a good I also want to grow in that I don't I never really got into handhelds I never really enjoyed handheld gaming as much as the rest of y'all seem to it's just just felt It just felt like such an ephemeral experience and comparison like crack addicts I couldn't my weird thing is that like when I got into a franchise. I had to have it on me constantly So if there was like a handheld version of something I played on ps2 I had to have it just so I could have it on me at all times like a fucking like comfort item It was really weird and and honestly, you know, I think that shame about people seeing me play video games might be Why because playing video games in public feels wrong and bad to me All right, Ben. You got you listen to me. Listen to me on this point. This is this is the real deal All right here. Oh, by the way a gib says that he loves the ds But he thinks he's leaning towards gba himself. So he's on the other ally Sounds like he's leaning towards gba. Okay, but here's the deal ben about handheld consoles Every I don't actually play handheld consoles like out in the world Even back in the day, you know, I play pokemon stuff, but that wasn't the main joy of it The main joy of it was being maximizing my comfort. Yes when I play that's what it's all about And that's why the sp changed the game because I could plug it in I would plug it in I would sit in my bed put a bunch of pillows behind me I could lean back in 100 maximum comfort have the backlight on and just play literally forever This is like important beyond words being able to just like I'm telling you The console experience cannot compare to the handheld in this kind of situation Or I'm just way too poor to afford like a god tier chair that would that would come close Everyone's got a bed not everybody has a fancy chair, you know the bed experience But like even when I had like a semi decent chair like like my My shoulders eventually get tired sit like because they're you're And you gotta look down and like crane your neck down and like lean forward and shit Even if you have like a good chair, I've got a great chair that I'm sitting in right now And I'm telling you I much prefer you can get tucked in your fucking blankets in your pj's in your bed Have a fucking cup of tea if you want. It's the maximum comfy experience. It's the best experience Which is why I haven't mentioned till now because I wanted to bring the hammer down Because there is an additional console that bridges this fucking Interdimensional gap between the console and the handheld. It's the switch The fucking switch is the greatest console ever fucking made. It doesn't have enough games yet It doesn't have enough games yet, but in terms of comfort. I've got it right here. I just pick it up It charges all the time. I pick it up. It's got this huge screen. The buttons are tactile and great It's got all the yeah, Nate. Let me know when the switch gets fucking thrillville then come calling I will I listen. I played I played uh zelda on it, which was good Then I played shovel knight it which I rebought and have beaten that game Basically a hundred percent that game was fucking great to replay on the switch. I'm playing sonic mania right now It's fantastic on this thing. I play it in my bed Comfy as fuck. You can't beat it This is where this is where the future of the human race is going in the direction of comfiness in bed With the fucking switch at the end of this podcast Nate will get a knock on his door and shigaru Miyamoto will be there draped in a black kingdom hearts cloak And he will shadily hand him an envelope full of money Here's my opinion on the subject The only two video game consoles you should ever own is the pc the lace nintendo console and then of course the ds light just Okay, but on that on that point Can we just say fuck you nintendo for like being so exclusive with their shit and protect like like what is their defense? For not just being like on board with the pc. It's just so they can get more sales They can push hardware, you know, so you can have their stuff. Oh my god We've completely neglected we've completely neglected to discuss the pc's viability as a gaming console, which I will swear by I don't need any I don't understand why At this point if anyone if anyone is is ignoring pc for modern consoles I think you're retarded because a modern console is just a pc worse Like there's no reason not to and not to mention the the pc is basically better at old games too because you can Fucking emulate anything in the world. So it's got literally everything. You can't beat it It's it's incredible and it just blows everything else out of the water for me The only reason to even have like the handheld part is just because because I just don't feel right when I'm playing pokemon on like the computer I just don't feel like I want to have that experience like having to be on a tiny screen and having to bring it around That's the one deal right there Like that's why I prefer playing on my switch versus on my fucking computer Because I can't fucking get comfy in my bed and play my fucking computer But I can on my switch, which is why the switch is like the only device I need to I'm gonna bring up one of the best like the best like marriage of this that you've probably never heard of because it just came Out a little while ago. It's called like a steam box or whatever. Have you heard of the gpd win? No, no, so it is it is a a pc That is the size of a 3ds That runs like old games and shit because it just runs windows So anything you can emulate on a pc that's like not like super graphically demanding If you just run right on this it has like dual analog and face buttons and little keyboard built in Holy Christ, and it just you just you just run whatever you want on it and it's it's fucking it's pretty legit I will say that as I've grown up with mostly pc after you know doing the whole handheld nintendo phase I should also briefly mention just before I get into that is that I also did it's like slipped my mind I also did have an xbox 360 and a ps1 however the ps1 My mom got me by accident thinking I wanted to get a ps2 from my cousin had it She got me a ps1 And she got me rayman and I just could not get past the literal first jump and I cried and that was also the first time I discovered I don't like the way baloney tastes after thinking that I liked baloney for a long time It was a bad experience and then I was just like I don't want this anymore And then I I think I like threw it away or maybe like I gave it to someone And I just didn't like it and also for the 360 the literal only game I played was the simpsons game and lego star wars You and your fucking lego star wars Yeah, uh, that's the sound of mini kick makes when you pick it up It's by the simpsons game. Do you mean simpsons road rage? No, I mean the simpsons game the simpsons that's the 3d one, right? Oh, um, right, right. That's yeah, could you play as like literally every character in that or something? Well, you can play as all the main family and it has like a fucked up like we like meta narrative like home stuck plot It's great. Uh incredible. Yeah, simpsons road rage is amazing. Yeah. Well, it is. I also play that on the ps2 anyway, uh, so fucking back to what I was saying about pc Uh, just to like like a comment again on when like I want in tune to go home to pcbs If splatoon allowed me to play with a mouse and keyboard It would literally be my favorite game of all time. Splatoon is so fucking great. I fucking love splatoon It's the fact that splatoon lacks local multiplayer is like the saddest thing. It's it's a travesty. It's a travesty That's all to say that keyboard and mouse is probably like my favorite Like way to play a video game other than of course, you know the handheld People get so fucking high and mighty about game pads. I fucking love keyboard and mouse I will play any game on a keyboard because it's just the right tool for the right job There are certain games that will play way better with mouse and keyboard and there's certain games Some games some games like n64 games don't really work that well with the keyboard But like like almost anything else like anything that is joystick dependent I beat hollow night just the other day and I basically 100% of it and um, like I At first I was playing on the keyboard and it was okay But then as soon as I plug in my ps4 and I get my input map or shit and I get it run on there Like that's just how it's meant to be played. You know, that's I think my best accomplishment ever With the keyboard control was when I was in college I didn't have a 360 and devil may cry 4 came out. Oh, it was I literally I had this shitty laptop So I played devil may cry 4 on my laptop At 640 by 480 resolution and it wouldn't stretch So I played on a little 5 inch square 640 by 480 on my laptop screen with keyboard And beat the whole game and I felt like a god because it's so fucking hard But I played with wsd and like four other buttons and beat the entire game of devil may cry 4 And I was just like yep incredible. I'm the best person who ever lived Your video game has shooting or aiming in it. Do not Put it on a console any console. It has to be on a pc the other day I I went to a fucking I went to a friend's house and he had fucking overwatch Disgusting on his fucking I can't imagine playing on game and I tried to play with a game pad and it was the worst experience Even right now like I love halo like halo one and halo two I have such good memories of that playing on an xbox, but I'm playing right now spv3 Which is like a fan made remake of halo one on pc And it's so much better with mouse and keyboard like like worlds better You just cannot do first person shooters or you know third person You cannot do any of that on a game pad. It just does not have the precision that you need To play those games. It just does not fucking work. It's literally horrible I have no idea how it's lasted this long. You have to play a first person shooter Look, it's all the fucking on a pc. They ruin everything. They ruin games. They ruin control inputs. It's Before before like like the end of the ps2 and like xbox live and shit all the shooters like We're on pc only like counter strike and fucking all that shit That was where the shooter then fucking halo two came along and normie eyes to fucking online shooting And now we have this fucking huge scene where like analog is what they build these games for So even when you get them on pc they have like aim assist and stuff that you have to go in and disable Oh, yeah to take it to the to the meta point on on that like this idea of like making games To like include the most people or like to make it playable for enough people like like just the idea of putting I don't know fucking call of duty on a console as opposed to pc And just like casually down like you're you're not making the tightest best possible game you can make in that pace in that in that way You're just making one that like more people can buy and uh, don't care for it Can can I say I just that call of duty is like my not even I don't even like dislike call of duty playing it Like it's fun like mindless kind of pop. It's like watching a pop-core movie, but a game I enjoy it what I found really fucking discussing is just like how like how Blatantly corporate that series is now that when like the ps4 came out and it started selling better They immediately switched sides from xbox to ps4. It's like, oh, there's a bigger install base now So now they're gonna get the time to exclusives and it's just like Gross, you know, you know, I'm with you. You know what else fucking pisses me off sports games that come out once a year Like who the fuck does anyone buy these fucking? Yeah Yeah, every fucking mad game why explain that to me I try to ask him and he says oh, but they update it with the new characters. Just fucking download it Just fucking download it characters You want the new because every year you have to ask for the players or whatever. Yeah Oh, that's such a great excuse to like milk the market like how is the game any different or better? It's not because you can pretend that you're your favorite fucking six foot four That's the whole thing. It's like people who play those games are into like sports in general So like they want it to mirror what they're watching on tv at the time and that's how they make 10 billion dollars I don't get it and why can't that be downloadable content for like a dollar? Why do you need a new 60 dollar game? I mean it's because ea this is what ea does They just want to milk the market as hard as I mean ea. They bought they bought exclusive licenses to all those like actual Exactly. That's why like, you know nfl 2k, you know like sega had their 2k line that was going on for a while Like they bought the rights to using the nfl ea did so like sega's like, well, I guess we can't make these games anymore And they just stopped. Yeah, exactly. They fucking monopolize them. Shit. It's fucking gross fucking By the way, I ea is probably from right here one of the worst game companies But I can't be too hard on them because every single day I would open up my xbox 360 Which I also sold later when I realized I was down with the simpsons game But every single time I open it up for the simpsons game, we would go ea. It's in the game ea sport It's in the game I remember I remember that from see the funny homer simpson I remember that from I remember that there was a sports game. I really love it was blades of steel on the nes The hockey game. It was the shit I like I like ea you you could you could fucking fight you could have there You could you could get into a little a little like sparring match between players And you would have to like time your button presses or some shit and like fucking punch each other It was a win and that was like that was the only part of the game that was actually worth playing But it was so worth it Tom was blitz the one where like you break somebody's bones and you can see the x-ray of it Um, I think they made another one later that did that I was or that might have been like That might have been nfl the league might have been the one that was called I forget but the nfl blitz was like it was like an arcade It was made by midway It was like an arcade version of football So like the downs were like 30 yards instead of 10 and like you could throw like a fucking Like halfway across the map and shit. It was like super arcadey. It was like nba. It's not a map It's a fucking stage Exactly It's they're both appropriate. They're fine. It's a board. It's a board guys Clear that board a tom brady All my gaming terms came from my friend devin who played counter strike 1.6 religiously So everything's a map because I just don't I've ever heard growing up sure Yeah, fucking do us too. I all day every day. Hey, I love that. Okay Uh, I I want to present a nightmare scenario for you people that will leave you like, you know, shake it up And uh crying at night Imagine you were forced to play a video game. Oh god No What controller do you use game? Pass the controller bro ps2 ps2 dualshock I my favorite is still the xbox 360 controller. I like the offset dual analog I have big hands when I play on ps2 with dual analog. My thumb is always hit each other So, uh, yeah, I definitely go for the the the classic PlayStation dual analog ps2 style Okay, I need that's what I used to play pokemon like in all my nuzlocs I plug in my ps2 controller into my computer and play that's way more I use my I use my ps4 just because it connects easier for some reason, but yeah, it works just fine Okay, so we've been talking forever and I figured we're probably have to move on to question some point But I figured we could close us out with something. We've been arguing about what's the best console What's the worst college ship? But can we all agree that the worst console? Is your smartphone like playing games on that is is by far the worst thing of all time Like there are some decent games that are designed for touchscreen Are you a magic harp jump is the fucking pinnacle of modern gaming? I will swear by it You're not letting me finish my point like anyone like the game loft games Where it's like you have the analog sticks on the screen and cover up half of it. Yeah Oh, it's a nightmare. I never think they can that's acceptable I've never tried to play such a game. It sounds horrifying. It's the worst. It's the worst thing ever The read the official remake of the ascensors arcade game I used to play all the time I wanted desperately play the arcade game, but I couldn't because I only because I was a little baby I said I could only play it on my on my fucking smartphone It was the worst in real life because the phones were just on the screen and it was just like overlay Yeah, the only one was just on top of the graphics and I just could not see half the I tried I tried like an emulator or something on my phone, but that's how it worked like this. It's unacceptable. It's unacceptable. It doesn't If I can speak up in favor of it I I emulate game boy advance on my phone and pokemon and yugioh like it's perfect for that. Those work fine It's a game game boy color works really well too because like yeah This the it's a square screen so it sits at the top and the buttons are under it and it feels just like So if you're playing like dragon quest 3 or dragon quest monsters or pokemon like that's fine I'll also say I hate I have tried that too and I hate like the the way that you have You know using the buttons on a touchscreen like they're way Less tactile and like enjoyable to use than if you had it on like, you know a controller and shit So it's worse in that way for sure. I think that's the definition of not being tactile in fact I think you're correct Which is why I think it only works for like a turn-based thing like yugioh or pokemon Like if I try to play mega man battle that work it would suck You're really fucking fun. I don't know if you play that game at all mom game They may have specifically for phones. They like they stripped it down a little bit your your decks like 30 cards instead of 40 or max at 60 and there's only three rows instead of five rows So like matches go really fast, but it's super fun Can I get marsh mullen and lava golem? That's all I need I have no idea because they they start they basically started at like the first couple sets and they're adding it As it goes on so they're kind of like ramping up the The the meta of the game as it goes. I haven't played it in months So they're probably like way more sets now and I probably stuck but That was really fun. Good way to play yugioh long ago. My favorite mobile game is grub hub. It has really good game I think that's it has a lot of things to offer. Is that the thing that you just get food with? Yeah, no, it's yeah, I mean it's a great game. I mean, yeah, it's it's like a virtual sim of you ordering food I know I hate I hate grub hub grub hub has unethical game design It has that fuck it has that skinner box the addiction It's aesthetics do not fit its gameplay. What's the whatever? The microtransactions on grub hub are just ridiculous. What's your favorite map on grub hub? My house a dust two by by far For me, it's either uh, it's either dust two or pizza. Those are my two favorite maps My favorite grub hub map is uh, it's blood gulch, which is what I call the path from my table to my toilet Oh Hey, we got some questions on patreon Let's let's check them. All right, everybody. We're switching over We're going to the patreon remember people if you want to get your questions fast tracked Go become a patron and then you'll be in the chat and you can ask questions when we fucking ask for them How many times have I just started to say the donkey con country theme song this like this podcast and then just stop after Hey I didn't know that's what that was also. Uh, yeah, and the the url people the pro no patreon.com slash the procrastinators That's the one. Okay. All right. What do we got? What do we got? What food have you eaten the most out throughout your entire life anything related to Carnivores or meat. I eat meat by far the most that's a category. So I guess I don't know, uh Chicken nuggets. It's just chicken nuggets I eat 20 chicken nuggets a day every day of my life. Well, is that true? It's been true ever since I moved to North Carolina This comes into an important definition because if you order 20 chicken nuggets, but then you also order one steak Technically you're gonna be eating more chicken nuggets than just that stick Even though you get the same amount of like actual food in you So by that logic, you would of course get more chicken nuggets Even if you just eat the normal amount of like an order of By that logic the food I've eaten the most of is nerds because every time I eat nerds I eat like 50,000 of them to go That's true. That's true. They're gaining the system They're all right, I guess The other day I was I highly I highly recommend going to Dairy Queen and handing them a box of nerds and saying make me a Blizzard but put these in it instead. Do they do that for you? One time I got them to do it for me. It was sick I was curious to see if the candy I liked as a kid was still good And I bought an airhead and I bought a ring pop and I had to throw them away because they were just disgusting Oh my god. This is the most important thing I will ever ask any of you. This will be the last time I ever speak to any of you I'm going to leave after this question Do okay Do any of you live near like a mining town or any sort of like old like frontier as cowboy situation? Do any of you? Definitely not. Yes, I do Okay, well, let me paint you a rich tapestry of my daily life on the range as they say So, uh, I live next to like an old mine town wherever I go that there would always be like, you know Some like tourists looking like gift shop and in such a gift shop There would be the most magical food of I've ever encountered my entire life It would be in the candy section and it would be just the sack this like old time like like like cartoon sack And it looked like you know like like with the money like the money symbol on it But it would say Gold like pure gold and you would buy it for like maybe like like like for like two dollars and you would open it up And there would be bits and pieces of yellow gum That there were shaped like gold nuggets and you would just pour that entire bag of bits into your fucking mouth And chew it all like the fucking slut you are and you would drown yourself in that delicious fucking I think I've actually seen these before but I've never tried them You have to live in a mining town to get this candy. I I think so Well, that is until that is until the other day when I realized they're going fucking corporate on mine It's going fucking ea sports called duty on me. There's some And and I walk into a fucking I walk into a fucking blicks art supplies And I see what do I see hubba bubba bits and pizzas losing all the gold is that all the Yeah All the minus that which made the gold good in the fucking first place Now there's bits and pieces of various types of bubblegum fucking disgusting. I'm not gonna stand to this hubba bubba I'm gonna protest you every single time your CEO john hubba walks down to fucking I've been trying to fucking I've been like melt down hubba and his man-servant bubba. Yeah How'd he get his name on the company? Uh, you know, he really does a good job. He really He's like a trusted advisor. Uh, no relation. No relation. Just just a happy coincidence Why would they be related because their name's rhyme? Yeah, that's that's pretty racist Um, so anyway, fuck you hubba bubba. I'll never forgive you. I think we answer the question. Oh my goodness. Yeah Hey, uh, I've got one here. Um, this is I I'm reading also people where we also read some questions from the uh From the twitter with hashtag ask pcp Uh, so here's a question for it's sort of direct to you munchie, but really anybody could contribute this Uh at azcan2 asks, uh, can one of you say something really fucking funny? One day I went and looked at my pet and I said, oh, I must You be barking and you're peeing and he looked at me and he gave me a wink. Oh Oh Pay me once more That was pretty fucking funny. Yeah. Um, all right. I'm satisfied. I'm satisfied Uh, I can get another one. Uh, uh, okay. Here we go. Here we go at suicide sausage asks, uh Oh, this one's direct to me, but anyone could comment on it. Um, Nate I'm trying to be nice, but people are assholes. What do I do? Uh, who's got some wisdom for this guy kill them. What does he do kill them? That's one way to go Kill your suggestions Your problem is that you were trying to be nice. That's why people are assholes. They can smell that weakness That's true. You got you got to cut you got to cut them before they cut you You've got a hashtag chat it up my dude. You got to chat it up Jazz it up. You have to realize that by standing for something you inherently stand against something else as well And those people come for you. So you have to tell them to fuck off. That is true. That is true Um, yeah, I guess just uh, don't be a pussy. All right. There you go. That's the advice Someone asks a retired question. Uh, who's the strongest person a fugitive monthly? Hey read their name. They just have credit Oh, sorry, sorry orca in the pcp patreon lounge. Okay, if you too would like to be called authority go pledge a dollar Who's the strongest? This is important. Monty. Who is the person that like if mean you fused together? Who's the strongest person he could be? Anybody you're already the most powerful being in the universe. So like I don't even know why I'm involved in that That's true. You just make him weaker. Don't you think because yeah, I'll just bring him down I'd make him try to kill himself. I'll have suicidal tendencies All right And if Monty dies the whole world dies The the way I see it it's a lot. It's it's not like like, you know autocracy versus order You know like like yin and yang and sort of like uh like like like like, you know Honor versus love and stuff like that So if you used to gather like like all all of my inhibitors that like lessen my power than you know Like I try and you know, I try to remain honor bound by not having sex and you know, right You know, all I do is have sex and we'll balance exactly I'm picturing sort of like munchie is like the eva unit one and then With munchie like the the armor that actually holds within the creature back Would come bursting forth and yeah, it would be uh, it would be the end times for sure I think we need to come up with a list. First of all, I want to say any sort of scientist Immediately gone off like like immediately like snap my I don't want to talk to a scientist Y'all motherfuckers lying and getting me pissed. I don't want to hear about that We get brave of them for their sins. Uh nilagras Tyson first one to go because oh, yeah, right Not because of any other reasons not because you know, he's an asshole literally just because he's black. That's because he's black Of course And uh, yeah, that's it that's the end of our list Hey, here's a question on twitter from at commander incest sounds like my kind of guy He says if you were to make a frankenstein monster out of the pcp members, what parts would you use and why? You'd have to use my iron cock You'd have to use my heart my heart give us a strong moral center to remain powerful in this world Yeah, that's that's good. So we've got the cock in the heart. Who's brain do we use in this situation? We gotta use mage's brain. Otherwise, it's gonna be all fucked or else. We'll be misogynists Yeah, we need mage's females They have to use my lungs my lungs have to be involved so they can So they can clip the microphone with every breath. Yeah This being more powerful than anything else I've ever made It's gotta have it's gotta have hippo's hair. Yeah hippo's gotta have my funny bones so that nobody thinks it's funny That's a good idea. That's a good idea Uh, well, let's just give it toms skeletal structure in general so that we're tall and intimidating against the world You know The best thing you can think of about tom is that he's tall his skills. Well, I'm not working with a lot over here We can also take his uh, his hatch, you know, his brony curious hat In addition to your ironclad cock, can we add on digi's phymosis foreskin? Of course Is his foreskin? Well, that's what he would want us to take. It's what we should have taken when he was born He's been looking for an excuse to get rid of it and his flesh golem is the perfect reason Yeah This batch of patrons are not are not doing it for me. Yeah, we need to cycle them out and get some new one in Head on over to patreon.com That's a good. Hey, okay. Here's a separate question at smith korban or korban, whatever asks, uh, What did you dream about last night? Does anyone remember their dream from last night? I never were fucking remember my dreams and it pisses me off. Which is why I want to read this Does anyone remember? Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah, I remember it was actually about arm retrieval Uh, my favorite podcast of all time go to armature.com. Well, that sounds more like a nightmare than Yeah, yeah, I was quite arm retrieval and then rocks along walked to my room and I was like, oh, that's the first That's the best dreams. How's sex with me, Roxy? I love you Uh, and and then I was like, I was reread. I was I was rereading act six today, Roxy I don't you you didn't live up to what I remember. I I don't know if you're my favorite character Do you're out of my favorite characters anymore? I think you need to leave my household and I don't think you're welcome here anymore And then uh, and I and I shoot her away and and that was that was the end of my dream It was a nightmare You're out of the pcp You don't disrespect Roxy even dream form Uh, yeah, dude, what if that was like actually real Roxy because you were in the dream bubble and you bumped into actual Roxy in your dream bubble. Oh The sex could be real for me. Oh, it could be real if it wasn't a dream that makes that's how it works That's that's how it works in homestuck technically. I hear something Uh, what do we got? Hey, okay bunchy this one's for you. I'm sure I don't know if anyone else At leo j larkin asks if you had to pick a pre 19th century military to serve in Which would you choose and why? Uh, I love this question. I love when did the nazi start a little bit after that Yeah, a while after that. Um, I would want to be a persian slave soldier for sure Because that's just the most powerful aesthetic that there is So what similarly I I would go on I would go on jihads all the time. I would be an ottoman empire fucking, you know That's not a bad choice. I would be one of those. I would be one of those christians that um, like like like They just like stole from one of their puppet states and they just like they're like, okay You're our slave now like Constantine or something one of those guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you're a soldier You're not the emperor. You're a soldier in the military in this example. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay So so yeah, I'm just uh, I'm just going to oh, wait. Did you say command? No, no, no, I well, I mean you could you could let's say you could put in command if you want but you're still a soldier He just would just serve in so yeah, I would just be like a fucking janissary And I just ride around on my cool ass fucking horse and just beat the shit out of any uh, I don't know people whine You know, I would just force my will. I'm upon like my whim upon uh, everyone who I meet no sex You can only play handheld video game consoles and uh, mouse and keyboard is the preferred method of And then if they didn't if they didn't accept they would be a dead That's good. Hey, I think we've answered this question before but someone posted an image that I'm going to retweet because it's extremely adorable And it just says bug fuck. We did answer that before didn't we I think most definitely that's well well tread territory by this one Yeah, okay. All right. Just just okay. We'll good. Uh, that's that's all the decent questions. Everything else is terrible Oh, thank god. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves everybody else. Uh, yeah get fucked everybody. Uh, all right Thanks for listening everybody. That's it. We're all done. All right Everybody go to patreon.com slash the procrastinators because guess what people the death note episode is out right now The bonus episode it's out. We're we go we go deep. We're rolling in the deep like Adele our favorite youtube creator Uh, it's uh, it's a it's a whole new world out there. So go pledge five dollars to get access to that and every other bonus episode So please so please pledge so you can so you can see it. It's it's worth Your interpretation is definitely worth five dollars. So if you're not giving us five dollars already You there's nothing better. You can spend it on this month than munchies death. No damn right damn right And uh send us more questions, uh, you know, you also when you're a patron you get access to the patron lounge You get your questions read and actually talk there a lot We actually do talk there a lot. You can hang out with us and you can go to at Uh tp procrastinators and follow us or for updates and shit They're just fucking tweet us every saturday when we tweet out we using uh, we're looking for questions hashtag ask pcp There you go You can go to youtube.com. Uh forward slash c forward slash tbv ap for epic In case in case you're harking for that for all the real up to date that that's basically the procrastinator secondary channel Yeah, uh, pretty much. It's it's true. It's true. All right. Thanks for this everybody. We'll see you next week Bye Yeah Yeah, uh I'm supposed to be working right now supposed to be working right