 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, visit LibriVox.org. The fortunes and misfortunes of the famous Mal Flanders, who was born at Newgate and during a life of continued variety for three-score years besides her childhood, was twelve year a whore, five times a wife, whereof once to her own brother, twelve year a thief, eight year a transported felon in Virginia, at last grew rich, lived honest, and dies a penitent. Written from her own memorandums by Daniel Defoe Section 1 The Author's Preface The world is so taken up, of late with novels and romances, that it will be hard for a private history to be taken for genuine, where the names and other circumstances of the person are concealed. And, on this account, we must be content to leave the reader to pass his own opinion upon the ensuing sheet and take it just as he pleases. The author is here supposed to be writing her own history, and in the very beginning of her account, she gives the reasons why she thinks fit to conceal her true name, after which there is no occasion to say any more about that. It is true that the original of this story is put into new words, and the style of the famous lady we here speak of is a little altered. Particularly, she is made to tell her own tale in modester words than she told it at first. The copy, which came first to hand having been written in language more like one still in Newgate than one grown penitent and humble, as she afterwards pretends to be. The pen, employed in finishing her story and making it what you now see it to be, has had no little difficulty to put it into a dress fit to be seen and to make it speak language fit to be read. When a woman, debauched from her youth, nay, even being the offspring of debauchery and vice, comes to give an account of all her vicious practices and even to descend to the particular occasions and circumstances by which she ran through in three-score years, an author must be hard put to wrap it up so clean as not to give room, especially for vicious readers, to turn it to his disadvantage. All possible care, however, is going to give no lewd ideas, no immodest turns in the new dressing-up of this story, no not to the worst parts of her expressions. To this purpose, some of the vicious part of her life, which could not be modestly told, is quite left out, and several other parts are very much shortened. As is left, Tis hoped will not offend the chastis reader or the modest hearer. And as the best use is made even of the worst story, the moral Tis hoped will keep the reader serious, even where the story might incline him to be otherwise. To give the history of a wicked life, repented of, necessarily requires that the wicked part be made as wicked as the real history of it will bear. To illustrate and give a beauty to the penitent part, which is certainly the best and brightest, if related with equal spirit and life. It is suggested there cannot be the same life, the same brightness and beauty in relating the penitent part as in the criminal part. If there is any truth in that suggestion, I must be allowed to say, Tis, because there is not the same taste and relish in the reading, and indeed it is too true that the difference lies not in the real worth of the subject so much as in the gusto and pallet of the reader. But as this work is chiefly recommended to those who know how to read it and how to make good uses of it, which the story all along recommends to them, so it is to be hoped that such readers will be more pleased with the moral than the fable, with the application then, with the relation, and with the end of the writer than with the life of the person written of. There is, in this story, abundance of delightful incidents and all of them usefully applied. There is an agreeable turn artfully given them in the relating that naturally instructs the reader either one way or other. The first part of her lewd life with the young gentleman at Calchester has so many happy turns given to it to expose the crime and warn all whose circumstances are adapted to it of the ruinous end of such things and the foolish, thoughtless and abhorred conduct of both of the parties that it abundantly atones for all the lively description she gives of her folly and wickedness. The repentance of her lover at the bath and how brought by the just alarm of his fit of sickness to abandon her, the just caution given there against even the lawful intimacies of the dearest friends and how unable they are to preserve the most solemn resolutions of virtue without divine assistance. These are parts which, to adjust discernment, will appear to have more real beauty in them than all the amorous chain of story which introduces it. In a word, as the whole relation is carefully garbled of all the levity and looseness that was in it, so it is all applied, and with the utmost care, to virtuous and religious uses. None can, without being guilty of manifest injustice, cast any reproach upon it or upon our design in publishing it. The advocates for this stage, in all cases, have made this the great argument to persuade people that their plays are useful and that they ought to be allowed in the most civilized and in the most religious government, namely that they are applied to virtuous purposes and that by the most lively representations they fail not to recommend virtue and generous principles and to discourage and expose all sorts of vice and corruption of manners. And were it true that they did so and that they constantly adhered to that rule as the test of their acting, or the theater, much might be said in their favor? Throughout the infinite variety of this book, this fundamental is most strictly adhered to. There is not a wicked action in any part of it, but is first and last rendered unhappy and unfortunate. There is not a superlative villain brought upon the stage, but either he is brought to an unhappy end or brought to be a penitent. There is not an ill thing mentioned, but it is condemned, even in the relation. Nor a virtuous just thing, but it carries its praise along with it. What can more exactly answer the rule laid down to recommend even those representations of things which have so many other just objections leaving against them? Namely, of example, of bad company, obscene language, and the like. Upon this foundation, this book is recommended to the reader as a work from every part of which something may be learned, and some just and religious inference is drawn, by which the reader will have something of instruction if he pleases to make use of it. All the exploits of this lady of fame, in her depredations upon mankind, stand as so many warnings to honest people to beware of them, intimating to them by what methods innocent people are drawn in, plundered and robbed, and by consequence, how to avoid them. Her robbing a little innocent child, dressed fine by the vanity of the mother to go to the dancing school, is a good memento to such people her after, as is likewise her picking the gold watch from the young lady's side in the park. Her getting a parcel from a hare-brained wench at the coaches in St. John Street, her booty made at the fire, and again at Harwich, all give us excellent warnings in such cases to be more present to ourselves in sudden surprises of every sort. Her application to a sober life and industrious management at last in Virginia, with her transported spouse, is a story fruitful of instruction to all the unfortunate creatures who are obliged to seek their re-establishment abroad, whether by the misery of transportation or other disaster, letting them know that diligence and application have their due encouragement, even in the remotest parts of the world, and that no case can be so low, so despicable, or so empty of prospect, but that an unwearied industry will go a great way to deliver us from it, will in time raise the meanest creature to appear again in the world and give him a new case for his life. These are a few of the serious inferences which we are led by the hand to in this book, and these are fully sufficient to justify any man in recommending it to the world, and much more to justify the publication of it. There are two of the most beautiful parts still behind, which the story gives some idea of and lets us into the parts of them, but they are either of them too long to be brought into the same volume, and indeed are, as I may call them, whole volumes of themselves, that is, one, the life of her governess, as she calls her, who had run through, it seems, in a few years, all the imminent degrees of a gentlewoman, a whore, and a bod, a midwife and a midwife-keeper, as they are called, a pawnbroker, a child-taker, a receiver of thieves, and of thieves' purchase, that is to say, of stolen goods, and, in a word, herself, a thief, a breeder-up of thieves and the like, and yet, at last, a penitent. The second is the life of her transported husband, a highwayman, who, it seems, lived a twelve-years life of successful villainy upon the road, and even at last came off so well to be a volunteer transport, not a convict, and in whose life there is an incredible variety. But, as I have said, these are things too long to bring in here, so neither can I make a promise of the coming out by themselves. We cannot say, indeed, that this history is carried on quite to the end of the life of this famous mal-Flanders, who she calls herself, for nobody can write their own life to the full end of it, unless they can write it after they are dead. But her husband's life, being written by a third hand, gives a full account of them both, how long they lived together in that country, and how they both came to England, and, after about eight years, in which time they were grown very rich and where she lived, it seems to be very old, but was not so extraordinary a penitent as she was at first. It seems only that, indeed, she always spoke with the coherence of her former life and of every part of it. In her last scene at Maryland and Virginia, many pleasant things happened, which makes that part of her life very agreeable, but they are not told with the same elegance as those accounted for by herself, so it is still to the more advantage that we break off here. And of section one, The Author's Preface, read by Denny Mike in Modesto, California, winter 2006. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Catherine Push, Atlanta, Georgia, USA. Maul Flanders by Daniel Defoe, section two. My true name is so well known in the records or registers at Newgate and in the Old Bailey, there are some things of such consequence still depending there relating to my particular conduct, that it is not to be expected I should set my name or the account of my family to this work. Perhaps after my death it may be better known. At present it would not be proper, nor a thought though a general pardon should be issued, even without exceptions and reserves of persons or crimes. It is enough to tell you that as some of my worst comrades who are out of the way of doing me harm, having gone out of the world by the steps and the string, as I often expected to go, knew me by the name of Maul Flanders. So you may give me leave to speak of myself under that name till I dare own who I have been as well as who I am. I have been told that in one of our neighbor nations, whether it be in France or where else I do not know, they have an order from the king that when any criminal is condemned, either to die or to the galleys or to be transported if they leave any children as such are generally unprovided for by the poverty or forfeiture of their parents so they are immediately taken into the care of the government and put into a hospital called the House of Orphans where they are bred up, clothed, fed, taught and would fit to go out are placed out to trades or to the services so as well to be able to provide for themselves by an honest, industrious behavior. Had this been the custom in our country, I had not been left a poor, desolate girl without friends, without clothes, without help or helper in the world as was my fate and by which I was not only exposed to very great distresses even before I was capable either of understanding my case or how to amend it but brought into a course of life which was not only scandalous in itself but which in its ordinary course tended to the swift destruction of both soul and body but the case was otherwise here. My mother was convicted of felony for a certain petty theft scarce worth naming these having an opportunity of borrowing three pieces of fine Holland of a certain draper in Cheepside. The circumstances are too long to repeat and I have heard them related so many ways that I scarce be certain which is the right account. However it was this they all agree in that my mother pleaded her belly and being found sick with child she was respited for about seven months in which time having brought me into the world and being about again she was called down as they term it to her former judgment but obtained the favor of being transported to the plantations and left me about a half a year old and in bad hands you may be sure this is too near the first hours of life for me to relate anything of myself but by hearsay it is enough to mention that I was born in such an unhappy place I had no parish to have recourse to for my nourishment in my infancy nor can I give the least account of how I was kept alive other than that as I had been told some relation of my mother's took me away for a while as a nurse but at whose expense or by whose direction the first account that I can recollect or could ever learn of myself was that I had wandered among a crew of those people they call gypsies or Egyptians but I believe it was but a very little while that I had been among them for I had not had my skin discolored or blackened as they do very young to all the children they carry about with them nor can I tell you how I came among them or how I got from them it was a colchister in Essex that those people left me and I have a notion in my head that I left them there that is that I hid myself and would not go any farther with them but I am not able to be particular in that account only this I remember that being taken up by some of the parish officers of colchister I gave an account that I came into the town with the gypsies I would not go any farther with them and that so they had left me but whether they were gone that I did not know nor could they expect it of me for though they send round the country to inquire after them it seems they could not be found I was now in a way to be provided for for though I was not a parish charge upon this or that part of the town by law yet as my case came to be known and that I was too young to do any work being not above three years old compassion moved the magistrates of the town to order some care to be taken of me and I became one of their own as much as if I had been born in the place in the provision they made for me it was my good habit to be put to nurse as they call it to a woman who was indeed poor but had been in better circumstances and who got a little livelihood by taking such as I was supposed to be and keeping them all necessaries until they were at a certain age in which they might be supposed they might go out to service or get their own bread this woman also had a little school which she kept to teach children to read and to work and having as I said lived before that in good fashion she bred up the children she took care of with a great deal of art as well as a great deal of care but that which was worth all the rest she bred them up very religiously being herself a very sober pious woman very housewifely clean and very well mannered and with good behavior so that in a word expecting a plain diet coarse lodging and mean clothes we were brought up as mannerly and as gentile as if we had been at school I was continued here till I was eight years old when I was terrified with news that the magistrates as I think they called them had ordered that I should go to service I was able to do but very little service wherever I was to go except it was to run of errands and be a drudge to some cook maid and this they told me of often which put me into a great fright for I had a thorough aversion to going to service as they called it that is to being a servant though I was so young and I told my nurse as we call her that I believed I could get my living without going to service if she pleased to let me for she had taught me to work with my needle and spin worsted which is the chief trade of that city and I told her that if she would keep me I would work for her and I would work very hard I talked to her almost every day of working hard and in short I did nothing but work and cry all day which grieved the good kind woman so much that at last she began to be concerned for me for she loved me very well one day after this as she came into the room where all we poor children were at work she was over against me not in her usual place as mistress but if she set herself on purpose to observe me and see me work I was doing something she had set me to as I remember it was marking some shirts which she had taken to make and after a while she began to talk to me thou foolish child says she thou art always crying for I was crying then as thou cried for because they will take me away says I and put me to service and I can't work housework well child she says but though you can't work housework as you call it you will learn it in time and they won't put you too hard things at first yes they will says I and if I can't do it they will beat me and the maids will beat me to make me do great work and I am but a little girl and I can't do it and then I cried again till I could not speak any more to her this moved my good motherly nurse so that she from that time resolved I should not go to service yet so she bid me not cry and she would speak to Mr. Mayor and I should not go to service tell I was bigger well this did not satisfy me for to think of going to service was such a frightful thing to me that if she had assured me I should not have gone till I was 20 years old it would have been the same to me I should have cried I believe all the time with the very apprehension of its being to be so at last when she saw that I was not pacified yet she began to be angry with me and what would you have says she don't I tell you that you shall not go to service tell you are bigger I said I but then I must go at last why what she said is the girl mad what would you be a gentle woman yes says I and I cried hardly till I roared out again this set the old gentle woman a laughing at me as you may be sure it would well madame says she jiving at me you would be a gentle woman and pray how will you come to be a gentle woman what will you do it by your fingers end yes says I again very innocently why what can you earn says she what can you get at your work three pence said I when I spin and four pence when I work plain work alas poor gentle woman said she again laughing what will that do for the it will keep me says I if you will let me live with you and this I said in such a poor and petitioning tone that it made the poor woman's heart yearn to me as she told me afterwards but says she that will not keep you and buy you clothes too buy the little gentle woman clothes says she and smiled all the while at me I will work harder then says I and you shall have it all poor child it won't keep you says she it will hardly keep you in victuals well then I will have no victuals says I again very innocently let me but live with you why can you live without victuals says she yes again says I very much like a child you may be sure and still I cried heartily I had no policy in all this you may easily see that it was all nature but it was joined with so much innocence and so much passion that in short it set the good motherly creature a weeping too and she cried at last as fast as I did and then took me out of the teaching room come says she you shan't go to service you shall live with me and this pacified me for the present some time after this she was going to wait on the mayor and talking of such things as belong to her business at last my story came up and my good nurse told Mr. Mayor the whole tale he was so pleased with it that he would call his lady and his two daughters to hear it and share however not a week had passed over but on a sudden comes Mrs. mayoress with her two daughters to the house to see my old nurse and to see her school and the children when they had looked about them a little well Mrs. says the mayoress to my nurse and pray which is the little lass that intends to be a gentle woman I heard her and I was terribly frightened though I did not know why neither but Mrs. mayoress comes up to me well miss says she and what are you at work upon the word miss was a language that had hardly been heard of in our school and I wondered what sad name it was she called me however I stood up made a curtsy and she took my work out of my hand looked on it and said it was very well then she took my hands nay says she the child may come to be a gentle woman for ought anybody knows she has a gentle woman's hand says she this pleased me mightily you may be sure but Mrs. mayoress did not stop there but giving me my work again she put her hand in her pocket gave me a shilling and bid me mind my work and to learn to work well and I might be new now all this while my good old nurse Mrs. mayoress and all the rest of them did not understand me at all for they meant one sort of thing by the word gentle woman and I meant quite another for alas all I understood by being a gentle woman was to be able to work for myself and to get enough to keep me without that terrible bugbear going to service whereas right rich and high and I know not what well after Mrs. mayoress was gone her two daughters came in and they called me for the gentle woman too and as they talked along while to me and I answered them in my innocent way but always if they asked me whether I resolved to be a gentle woman I answered yes at last one of them asked me what a gentle woman was that puzzled me much but however I explained to myself negatively that it was one that did not go to service to do housework they were pleased to be familiar with me and like my little prattle to them which it seems was agreeable enough to them and they gave me money too as for my money I gave it all to my mistress nurse as I called her and told her she should have all I got for myself when I was a gentle woman as well as now by this and some other of my talk my old tutors began to understand me about what I meant by being a gentle woman and that I understood by it no more than being able to get my bread by my own work and at last she asked me whether it was not so I told her yes and insisted on it that to do so was to be a gentle woman for says I there is such a one naming a woman that mended lace and washed the ladies heads she says I is a gentle woman and they call her madame poor child says my old nurse you may soon be such a gentle woman as that for she is a person of ill-fame and has had two or three bastards I did not understand anything of that but I answered I'm sure they call her madame and she does not go to service nor do housework and therefore I admitted that she was a gentle woman and I would be such a gentle woman as that the ladies were told all this again to be sure and they made themselves marry with it and every now and then the young ladies Mr. Mayer's daughters would come and see me and ask where the little gentle woman was which made me not a little proud of myself this held a great while and I was often visited by these young ladies and sometimes they brought others with them so that I was known by it almost all over town I was now about ten years old and began to look a little womanish for I was mighty grave and humble very mannerly and as I had often heard the ladies say I was pretty and would be a very handsome woman so you may be sure that upon hearing them say so made me not a little proud however that pride had no ill effect upon me yet only as they often gave me money and I gave it to my old nurse she honest woman was so just to me as to lay it all out again for me and gave me headdresses and linen and gloves and ribbons and I went very neat and always clean for that I would do and if I had rags on I would always be clean or else I would water myself but I say my good nurse when I had money given me very honestly laid it out for me and would always tell the ladies this or that was bought with their money and this made them often times give me more till at last I was indeed called upon by the magistrates as I understood it to go out to service but then I was come to be so good a workwoman myself and the ladies were so kind to me that it was plain to maintain myself that is to say I could earn as much for my nurse as she was able by it to keep me so she told them that if they would give her leave she would keep the gentle woman as she called me to be her assistant and teach the children which I was very well able to do for I was very nimble at my work and had a good hand with my needle though I was yet very young but the kindness of the ladies of the town did not end there for when they came to understand that I was no more maintained by the public allowance as before they gave me more money oftener than formerly and as I grew up they brought me to do work for them such as linen to make and laces to mend and heads to dress up and not only paid me for doing them but even taught me how to do them as a gentle woman indeed and I understood that word I not only found myself close and paid my nurse for my keeping but got money in my pocket too beforehand the ladies also gave me clothes frequently of their own or their children's some stockings some petticoats some gowns, some one thing, some another and these my old woman managed for me like a mere mother and kept them for me and turned them and twist them to the best advantage for she was a rare housewife at last one of the ladies took so much fancy to me that she would have me home to her house for a month she said and to be among her daughters now though this was exceeding kind in her yet as my old good woman said to her unless she resolved to keep me for good and all she would do the little gentle woman more harm than good well says the lady that's true and therefore I'll only take her home for a week then that I'll may see how my daughters and she agree together and how I like her temper and then I'll tell you more and in the meantime if anybody comes to see her as they used to do you may tell them only that you have sent her to my house this was prudently managed enough and I went to the ladies house but I was so pleased there the ladies and they so pleased with me that I had enough to do to come away and they were as unwilling to part with me however I did come away and lived almost a year more with my honest old woman and began now to be very helpful to her for I was almost 14 years old was tall of my age and looked a little womanish but I had such a taste of gentile living at the ladies house not so easy in my old quarters as I used to be and I thought it was fine to be a gentle woman indeed for I had quite other notions of a gentle woman now than I had before and as I thought I say that it was fine to be a gentle woman so I love to be among the gentle woman and therefore I longed to be there again about the time that I was 14 years and a quarter old and my good nurse mother as I rather to call her fell sick and died I was then in a sad condition indeed for as there is no great bustle in putting an end to a poor body's family when once they are carried to the grave so the poor good woman being buried the parish children she kept were immediately removed by the church wardens the school was at an end and the children of it had no more to do until they were sent somewhere else and as for what she left her daughter a married woman with six or seven children came and swept it all away at once and removing the goods they had no more to say to me than to just with me and to tell me that the little gentle woman might set up for herself if she pleased I was frighted out of my wits almost and knew not what to do for I was as it were turned out of doors to the wide world and that which was still worse the old honest woman had two and twenty shillings of mine in her hand which was all the estate the little gentle woman had in the world and when I asked the daughter for it she huffed me and laughed at me and told me she had nothing to do with it it was true the good poor woman had told her daughter of it and that it lay in such a place and that it was the child's money and had called once or twice for me to give it to me but I was unhappily out of the way somewhere or other and when I came back she was past being in a condition to speak of it however the daughter was so honest afterwards as to give it to me though at first she used me cruelly about it now I was a poor gentle woman indeed and I was just that very night to be turned into the wide world for the daughter removed all the goods and I had not so much as a lodging to go to or a bit of bread to eat but it seems some of the neighbors who had known them by circumstances took so much compassion of me as to acquaint the lady in whose family I had been a week as I mentioned above and immediately she sent her maid to fetch me away and two of her daughters came with the maid though unsent so I went with them bag and baggage and with a glad heart you may be sure that my condition had made such an impression on me that I did not want now to be a gentle woman but was very willing to be a servant and that any kind of servant they thought fit to have me be but my new generous mistress for she exceeded the good woman I was with before in everything as well as in the matter of a state I say in everything except honesty and for that though this was a lady most exactly just yet I must not forget to say on all occasions that the first though poor was as uprightly honest as it was possible for anyone to be I was sooner carried away as I have said by this good gentle woman but the first lady that is to say the mayorist that was sent her two daughters to take care of me and another family which had taken notice of me when I was the little gentle woman and had given me work to do sent for me after her so that I was mightily made of as we say nay and they were not a little angry especially madame the mayorist that her friend had taken me away from her as she called it for as she said I was hers by right she having been the first that took any notice of me but they that had me would not part with me and as for me though I should have been very well treated with any of the others yet I could not be better than where I was here I continued till I was between seventeen and eighteen years old and here I had all the advantages for my education that could be imagined the lady had masters home to the house to teach her daughters to dance and to speak French and to write and others to teach them music and I was always with them I learned as fast as they and though the masters were not appointed to teach me yet I learned by imitation and inquiry all that they learned by instruction and direction so that in short I learned to dance and speak French as well as any of them and to sing much better for I had a better voice than any of them I could not so readily come at playing the harpsichord or the spin it because I had no instrument of my own to practice on and could only come at theirs in the intervals when they left it which was uncertain but yet I learned tolerably well too and the young ladies at length got two instruments that is to say a harpsichord and a spin it too and then they taught me themselves but as to dancing they could hardly help my learning country dances because they always wanted me to make up even number and on the other hand they were as hardly willing to learn me everything that they had been taught themselves as I could be to take the learning by this means I had as I have said above all the advantages of education that I could have had if I had been such a gentle woman as they were with whom I lived and in some things I had the advantage of my ladies though they were my superiors but they were all gifts of nature and which all their fortunes could not furnish first I was apparently handsomer than any of them secondly I was better shaped and thirdly I sang better by which I mean I had a better voice in all which you will I hope allow me to say I do not speak my own conceit of myself but the opinion of all that knew the family I had with all these the common vanity of my sex these that being really taken for very handsome or if you please a great beauty I very well knew it I had as good an opinion of myself as anybody else could have had of me and particularly I love to hear anybody speak of it which could not but happen to me sometimes as was a great satisfaction to me end of section 2 recording by Nocturna Mothlanders by Daniel Defoe 3 thus far I have had a smooth story to tell thus far I have had a smooth story to tell of myself and in all this part of my life I not only had the reputation of living in a very good family and a family noted and respected everywhere for virtue and sobriety and for every valuable thing but I had the character too of a very sober, modest and virtuous young woman and such I had always been neither had I get any occasion to think of anything else or to know what a temptation to wickedness meant but that which I was too vain of was my ruin or rather my vanity was the cause of it the lady in the house where I was had two sons young gentlemen of very promising parts of extraordinary behavior and it was my misfortune to be very well with them both but they managed themselves with me in quite a different manner the eldest, a gay gentleman that knew the town as well as the country and though he had levity enough to do an ill-natured thing yet had too much judgment of things to pay too dear for his pleasures he began with the unhappy snare of all women viz taking notice upon all occasions how pretty I was as he called it how agreeable, how well carriage and the like and this he contrived so subtly as if he had known as well how to catch a woman in his net as a partridge when he went a setting for he would contrive to be talking this to his sisters when, though I was not by yet when he knew I was not far off but that I should be sure to hear him his sisters would return softly to him hush brother, she will hear you she is but in the next room then he would put it off and talk softlier as if he had not know it and began to acknowledge he was wrong and then as if he had forgot himself he would speak aloud again an eye that was so well pleased to hear it was sure to listen for it upon all occasions after he had thus baited his hook he would easily enough the method how to lay it in my way he played an opener game and one day going by his sisters chamber when I was there doing something about dressing her he comes in with an air of gaiety oh Miss Betty said he to me how do you do Miss Betty don't your cheeks burn Miss Betty? I made a curtsy and blushed but said nothing what makes you talk so brother said the lady why says he we have been talking of her below stairs this half hour well says his sister you can say no harm of her that I am sure so tis no matter what you have been talking about nay says he tis so far from talking harm of her that we have been talking a great deal of good and a great many fine things have been said of Mrs. Betty I assure you and particularly that she is the handsomest young woman in Colchester and in short they begin to toast her health in the town I wonder at you brother says the sister Betty wants but one thing and she had as good want everything for the market is against our sex just now and if a young woman have beauty birth, breeding, wit, sense, manners, modesty and all these to an extreme yet if she have not money she is nobody she had as good want them all for nothing but money now recommends a woman the men play the game all into their own hands her younger brother who was by, cried hold sister you run too fast I am an exception to your rule I assure you if I find a woman so accomplished as you talk of I say I assure you I would not trouble myself about the money oh says the sister but you will take care not to fancy one then without the money you don't know that neither says the brother but why sister says the elder brother why do you exclaim so at the men for aiming so much at the fortune you are none of them that want a fortune whatever else you want I understand you brother replies the lady very smartly you suppose I have the money I want the beauty but as times go now the first will do without the last so I have the better of my neighbors well says the younger brother but your neighbors as you call them maybe even with you for beauty will steal a husband sometimes in spite of money and when the maid chances to be handsomer than the mistress she often times makes as good a market and rides in a coach before her I thought it was time for me to withdraw and I did so but not so far but that I heard all their discourse in which I heard abundance of the fine things said of myself which served to prompt my vanity but as I soon found was not the way to increase my interest in the family for the sister and the younger brother fell grievously out about it and as he said some very disablaging things to her upon my account so I could easily see that she resented them by her future conduct to me which indeed was very unjust to me for I had never had the least thought of what she suspected as to her younger brother indeed the elder brother in his distant remote way had said a great many things in jest which I had the folly to believe were in earnest or to flatter myself with the hopes of what I ought to have supposed he never intended and perhaps never thought of it happened one day that he came running upstairs towards the room where his sisters used to sit and work as he often used to do and calling to them before he came in as was his way to I being there alone stepped to the door and said Sir, the ladies are not here they are walked down to the garden as I stepped forward to say this towards the door he was just got to the door and clasping me in his arms oh, Mrs. Betty says he are you here? that's better still I want to speak with you more than I do with them and then having me in his arms he kissed me three or four times I struggled to get away and yet did it but faintly neither and he held me fast and still kissed me till he was almost out of breath and then sitting down says Dear Betty, I am in love with you his words I must confess fired my blood all my spirits flew about my heart and put me into disorder enough which he might easily have seen in my face he repeated it afterwards several times that he was in love with me and my heart spoke as plain as a voice that I liked it nay, whenever he said I am in love with you my blushes plainly replied would you were, sir? however something else passed at that time it was but a surprise and when he was gone I soon recovered myself again he had stayed longer with me but he had happened to look out at the window and see his sisters coming up the garden so he took his leave kissed me again and told me he was very serious and I should hear more of him very quickly and away he went leaving me infinitely pleased though surprised I had not been one misfortune in it I had been in the right but the mistake lay here that Mrs. Betty was in earnest and the gentleman was not from this time my head ran upon strange things and I may truly say I was not myself to have such a gentleman talk to me of being in love with me and of my being such a charming creature as he told me I was these were the things I knew not how to bear my vanity was elevated to the last degree it is true I had my head full of pride but knowing nothing of the wickedness of the times I had not one thought of my own safety or of my virtue about me and had my young master offered it at first sight he might have taken any liberty he thought fit with me but he did not see his advantage which was my happiness for that time after this attack it was not long but he found an opportunity to catch me again and almost in the same posture indeed it had more of a design in it on his part though not on my part it was thus the young ladies were all gone of visiting with their mother his brother was out of town and as for his father he had been in London for a week before he had so well watched me that he knew where I was though I did not so much as know that he was in the house but the stairs and seeing me at work comes into the room to me directly and began just as he did before with taking me in his arms and kissing me for almost a quarter of an hour together it was his younger sister's chamber that I was in and as there was nobody in the house but the maids below stairs he was it may be the router in short he began to be in earnest with me indeed perhaps he found me a little too easy for God knows I had no resistance to him while he only held me in his arms and kissed me indeed I was too well pleased with it to resist him much however as it were tired with that kind of work we sat down and there he talked with me a great while he said he was charmed with me and that he could not rest night or day till he had told me he was in love with me and if I was able to love him again and would make him happy I should be the saving of his life and many such fine things I said little to him again but easily discovered that I was a fool and that I did not at least perceive what he meant then he walked about the room and taking me by the hand I walked with him and by and by taking his advantage he threw me down upon the bed and kissed me there most violently but to give him his due offered no manner of rudeness to me for a great while after this he thought he had heard somebody come upstairs so got off from the bed lifted me up professing a great deal of love for me but told me it was all an honest affection and that he meant no ill to me and with that he put five guineas in my hand and went away downstairs I was more confounded with the money than I was before with the love and began to be so elevated that I scarce knew the ground I stood on I am the more particular in this part that if my story comes to be read by any innocent young body that they may learn from it to guard themselves against the mischiefs which attend an early knowledge of their own beauty if a young woman once thinks herself handsome she never doubts the truth of any man that tells her he is in love with her for if she believes herself charming enough to captivate him it is natural to expect the effects of it this young gentleman had fired his inclination as much as he had my vanity and as if he had found that he had an opportunity and was sorry he did not take hold of it he comes up again in half an hour or thereabouts and falls to work with me again as before only with a little less introduction at first when he entered the room he turned about and shut the door Mrs. Betty said he I fancied before somebody was coming upstairs but it was not so however adds he if they find me in the room with you they shan't catch me a kissing of you I told him I did not know who should be coming up stairs for I believed there was nobody in the house but the cook and the other maid and they never came up those stairs well my dear says he it is good to be sure however and so he sits down and we begin to talk and now though I was still all on fire with his first visit and said little he did as it were telling me how passionately he loved me and that though he could not mention such a thing till he came to this estate yet he was resolved to make me happy then and himself too that is to say to marry me and abundance of such fine things which I poor fool did not understand the drift of but acted as if there was no such thing as any kind of love but that which tended to matrimony and if he had spoke of that I had no room as well as no power to have said no but we were not come that length yet we had not sat long but he got up and stopping my very breath with kisses threw me upon the bed again but then being both well warmed he went farther with me than decency permits me to mention nor had it been in my power to have denied him at that moment had he offered much more than he did however though he took these freedoms with me it did not go to that I would call the last favour which to do him justice he did not attempt and he made that self-denial of his a plea for all his freedoms with me upon other occasions after this when this was over he stayed but a little while but he put almost a handful of gold in my hand and left me making a thousand protestations of his passion for me and of his loving me above all the women in the world it will not be strange to begin to think but alas it was but with very little solid reflection I had a most unbounded stock of vanity and pride and but a very little stock of virtue I did indeed case sometimes with myself what young master aimed at but thought of nothing but the fine words and the gold whether he intended to marry me or not marry me seemed a matter of no great consequence to me nor did my thoughts so much as suggest to me the necessity of making any capitulation for myself till he came to make a kind of formal proposal to me as you shall hear presently thus I gave up myself to readiness of being ruined without the least concern and am a fair memento to all young women whose vanity prevails over their virtue nothing was ever so stupid on both sides had I acted as became me and resisted as virtue and honor require this gentleman had either desisted his attacks finding no room to expect the accomplishment of his design or had made fair and honorable proposals of marriage in which case whoever had blamed him nobody could have blamed me in short if he had known me and how easy the trifle he aimed at was to be had he would have troubled his head no farther but have given me four or five guineas and have lain with me the next time he had come at me and if I had known his thoughts and how hard he thought there would be to be gained I might have made my own terms with him and if I had not capitulated for an immediate marriage I might for a maintenance till marriage and might have had what I would for he was already rich to excess besides what he had in expectation but I seemed wholly to have abandoned all such thoughts disease and was taken up only with the pride of my beauty and of being beloved by such a gentleman as for the gold I spent whole hours looking upon it I looked the guineas over and over a thousand times a day never poor vain creature was so wrapped up with every part of the story as I was not considering what was before me and how near my ruin was at the door indeed I think I rather wished for that ruin than studied to avoid it in the meantime however I was cunning enough not to give the least room to any in the family to suspect me imagine that I had the least correspondence with this young gentleman I scarce ever looked towards him in public or answered if he spoke to me when anybody was near us but for all that we had every now and then a little encounter where we had room for a word or two and now and then a kiss but no fair opportunity for the mischief intended and especially considering that he made more circumlocution than if he had known by thoughts he had occasion for and the work of appearing difficult to him he really made it so but as the devil is an unweary tempter so he never fails to find opportunity for that wickedness he invites to it was one evening that I was in the garden with his two younger sisters and himself and all very innocently merry when he found means to convey a note into my hand by which he directed me to understand that he would tomorrow desire me publicly to go of an errand for him into the town and that I should see him somewhere by the way accordingly after dinner he very gravely says to me his sisters being all by Mrs. Betty I must ask a favor of you what's that? says his second sister nay sister says he very gravely if you can't spare Mrs. Betty today any other time will do yes they said her well enough and the sisters begged pardon for asking which they did but of mere course without any meaning well but brother says the eldest sister you must tell Mrs. Betty what it is if it be any private business that we must not hear you may call her out there she is why sister says the gentlemen very gravely what do you mean I only desire her to go into the high street and then he pulls out a turn over to such a shop and then he tells them a long story of two fine neck cloths he had bid money for and he wanted to have me go and make an errand to buy a neck to the turn over that he showed to see if they would take my money for the neck cloths to bid a shilling more and haggle with them and then he made more errands and so continued to have such a petty business to do that I should be sure to stay a good while when he had given me my errands he told them a long story of a visit he was going to make to a family they all knew and where he was to be such and such gentlemen and how merry they were to be and very formally asked his sisters to go with him and they has formally excused themselves because of company that they had noticed was to come and visit them that afternoon which by the way he had contrived on purpose he had scarce done speaking to them and giving me my errand but his man came up to tell him that Sir W. H.'s coach stopped at the door so he runs down and comes up again immediately alas says he allowed there's all my mirth spoiled at once Sir W. has sent his coach for me and desires to speak with me upon some earnest business it seems that Sir W. was a gentleman who lived about three miles out of town to whom he had spoken on purpose the day before to lend him his chariot for a particular occasion and had appointed it to call on him as it did about three o'clock immediately he calls for his best wig, hat and sword and ordering his man to go to the other place to make his excuse that was to say he made an excuse to send his man away he prepares to go into the coach as he was going he stopped a while and speaks mighty earnestly to me about his business and finds an opportunity to say very softly to me come away my dear as soon as ever you can I said nothing but made a curtsy as if I had done so to what he said in public in about a quarter of an hour I went out too I had no dress other than before except that I had a hood a mask, a fan and a pair of gloves in my pocket so that there was not the least suspicion in the house he waited for me in the coach in a back lane which he knew I must pass by and had directed the coachman wither to go which was to a certain place called mile end where lived a confidant of his where we went in and where was all the convenience in the world to be as wicked as we pleased when we were together he began to talk very gravely to me and to tell me he did not bring me there to betray me that his passion for me would not suffer him to abuse me that he resolved to marry me as soon as he came to his estate that in the meantime if I would grant his request he would maintain me very honourably and made me a thousand protestations of his sincerity and of his affection to me and that he would never abandon me and as I may say made a thousand more preambles than he need to have done however as he pressed me to speak I told him I had no reason to question the sincerity of his love to me after so many protestations but and there I stopped as if I left him to guess the rest but what my dear says he I guess what you mean what if you should be with child is not that it? why then says he I'll take care of you and provide for you and the child too and that you may see I am not in jest says he here's an earnest for you for that he pulls out a silk purse with a hundred guineas in it and gave it to me and I'll give you such another says he every year till I marry you my colour came and went at the side of the purse and with the fire of his proposal together so that I could not say a word and he easily perceived it so putting the purse into my bosom I made no more resistance to him but let him do just what he pleased and as often as he pleased and thus I finished my own destruction at once for from this day being forsaken in my virtue and my modesty I had nothing of value left to recommend me either to God's blessing or man's assistance and three thus far I have had a smooth story to tell this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information and to find out how you can volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Nocturna Moff Landers by Daniel Defoe section four but things did not end here but things did not end here I went back to town did the business he publicly directed me to and was at home before anybody sought me long as for my gentleman he stayed out as he told me he would to late at night and there was not the least suspicion in the family either on his account or on mine we had after this frequent opportunities to repeat our crime chiefly by his contrivance especially at home when his mother and the young ladies went abroad of visiting which he watched so narrowly as never to miss knowing always beforehand when they went out and then failed not to catch me all alone and securely enough so that we took our fill of our wicked pleasure for near half a year and yet which was the most my satisfaction I was not with child but before this half year was expired his younger brother of whom I have made some mention in the beginning of the story he used to work with me and he finding me alone in the garden one evening begins a story of the same kind to me made good honest professions of being in love with me and in short proposes fairly and honorably to marry me and that before he made any other offer to me at all I was now confounded and driven to such an extremity as the like was never known at least not to me as a proposal with obstinacy and now I began to arm myself with arguments I laid before him the inequality of the match the treatment I should meet with in the family the ingratitude it would be to his good father and mother who had taken me into their house upon such generous principles and when I was in such a low condition and in short I said everything to dissuade him from his design that I could imagine telling him the truth which would indeed have put an end to it all but that I durst not think of mentioning but here happened a circumstance that I did not expect indeed which put me to my shifts for this young gentleman as he was plain and honest so he pretended to nothing with me but what was so too and knowing his own innocence he was not so careful to make his having a kindness for Mrs. Betty by the house as his brother was and though he did not let them know that he had talked to me about it yet he said enough to let his sisters perceive he loved me and his mother saw it too which though they took no notice of it to me yet they did to him and immediately I found their carriage to me altered more than ever before I saw the cloud though I did not foresee the storm it was easy I say to see that their carriage to me was altered and that it grew worse and worse every day till at last I got information among the servants that I should in a very little while be desired to remove I was not alarmed at the news having a full satisfaction that I should be otherwise provided for and especially considering that I had reason every day to expect I should be with child and that then I should be obliged to remove without any pretenses for it after some time the younger gentleman took an opportunity to tell me that the kindness he had for me had got vent in the family he did not charge me with it he said for he knew well enough which way it came out he told me his plain way of talking had been the occasion of it for that he did not make his respect for me so much a secret as he might have done and the reason was that he was at a point that if I would consent to have him he would tell them all openly that he loved me and that he intended to marry me that it was true his father and mother might resent it and be unkind but that he was now in a way to live being bred to the law and did not fear maintaining me agreeable to what I should expect and that in short he believed I would not be ashamed of him so he was resolved not to be ashamed of me and that he scorned to be afraid to own me now whom he resolved to own after I was his wife and therefore I had nothing to do but to give him my hand and he would answer for all the rest I was now in a dreadful condition indeed and now I repented heartily in my easiness with the eldest brother not from any reflection of conscience but from a view of the happiness I might have enjoyed and had now made impossible for though I had no great scruples of conscience as I have said to struggle with yet I could not think of being a whore to one brother and a wife to the other but then it came into my thoughts that the first brother had promised to make me his wife when he came to the estate but I presently remembered what I had often thought of that he had never spoken a word or he had conquered me for a mistress and indeed till now though I said I had thought of it often yet it gave me no disturbance at all for as he did not seem in the least to lessen his affection to me so neither did he lessen his bounty though he had the discretion himself to desire me not to lay out a penny of what he gave me in clothes or to make the least show extraordinary because it would necessarily give jealousy in the family since everybody knew I could come at such things no manner but by some private friendship which they would presently have suspected but I was now in a great straight and knew not what to do the main difficulty was this the younger brother not only laid close siege to me but suffered it to be seen he would come into his sister's room and his mother's room and sit down and talk a thousand kind things of me and to me even before their faces and when they were all there this grew so public that the whole house talked of it and his mother reproved him for it and their carriage to me appeared quite altered in short his mother had let fall some speeches as if she intended to put me out of the family that is in English to turn me out of doors now I was sure this could not be a secret to his brother only that he might not think as indeed nobody else yet did that the youngest brother had made any proposal to me about it but as I easily could see that it would go farther so I saw likewise there was an absolute necessity to speak of it to him or that he would speak of it to me and which to do first I knew not that is whether I should break it to him or let it alone till he should break it to me upon serious consideration for indeed now I began to consider things very seriously now I say upon serious consideration I resolved to tell him of it first and it was not long before I had an opportunity for the very next day his brother went to London upon some business and the family being out of visiting just as it had happened before and as indeed was often the case he came according to his custom to spend an hour or two with Mrs. Betty when he came he had had sat down a while he easily perceived there to be an alteration in my countenance that I was not so free and pleasant with him as I used to be and particularly that I had been a-crying he was not long before he took notice of it and asked me in very kind terms what was the matter and if anything troubled me I would have put it off if I could but it was not to be concealed so after suffering many importinities to draw that out of me it was not possible to disclose I told him that it was true something did trouble me and something of such a nature that I could not conceal from him and yet that I could not tell how to tell him of it neither that it was a thing that not only surprised me but greatly perplexed me and that I knew not what course to take unless he would direct me he told me with great tenderness that let it be what it would let it trouble me for he would protect me from all the world I then began at a distance and told him I was afraid the ladies had got some secret information of our correspondence for that it was easy to see that their conduct was very much changed towards me for a great while and that now it was come to that pass that they frequently found fault with me and sometimes fell quite out with me though I never gave them the occasion that whereas I used always to lie with the eldest sister I was lately put to lie by myself or with one of the maids and that I had overheard them several times talking very unkindly about me but that which confirmed it all was that one of the servants had told me that she had heard I was to be turned out and that it was not safe for the family that I should be any longer in the house he smiled when he heard all this and now he could make so light of it that he must needs know that if there was any discovery I was undone forever and that even it would hurt him though not ruin him as it would me I abraded him that he was like all the rest of the sex that when they had the character in honor of a woman at their mercy often times made it their jest and at least looked upon it as a trifle and counted the ruin of those they had had their will of as a thing he saw me warm and serious and changed his style immediately he told me he was sorry that I should have such thought of him that he had never given me the least occasion for it but had been as tender of my reputation as he could be of his own that he was sure our correspondents had been managed with so much address that not one creature in the family had so much as a suspicion of it that if he smiled when I told him my thoughts it was at the assurance he lately received that our understanding of one another was not so much as known or guessed at and that when he had told me how much reason he had to be easy I should smile as he did for he was very certain it would give me a full satisfaction this is a mystery I cannot understand says I or how it should be to my satisfaction that I am to be turned out of doors for if our correspondents is not discovered I know not what else I have done to change the countenances of the whole family to me or to have them treat me as they do now who formerly used me with so much tenderness as if I had been one of their own children why look you child says he that they are uneasy about you that is true but that they have the least suspicion of the case as it is as it respects you and I is so far from being true that they suspect my brother Robin and in short they are fully persuaded he makes love to you nay the fool has put it into their heads to himself for he is continually bantering them about and making a jest of himself I confess I think he is wrong to do so because he cannot but see it vexes them and makes them unkind to you but it is a satisfaction to me because of the assurance it gives me that they do not suspect me in the least and I hope this will be to your satisfaction too so it is says I one way but this does not reach my case at all nor is this the chief thing that troubles me though I have been concerned about that too what is it then says he with which I fell to tears and could say nothing to him at all he strove to pacify me all he could to be very pressing upon me to tell what it was at last I answered that I thought I ought to tell him too and that he had some right to know it besides that I wanted his direction in the case for I was in such perplexity that I knew not what course to take and then I related the whole affair to him I told him how imprudently his brother had managed himself and making himself so public and that if he had kept it a secret as such a thing ought to have been I should but have denied him positively without giving any reason for it and he would in time have ceased his solicitations but that he had the vanity first to depend upon it that I would not deny him and then had taken the freedom to tell his resolution of having me to the whole house I told him how far I had resisted him and told him how sincere and honorable his offers were but says I my case will be doubly hard for as they carry it ill to me now because he desires to have me they'll carry it worse when they shall find I have denied him and they will presently say there's something else in it and then out it comes that I am married already to somebody else or that I would never refuse a match so much above me as this was this discourse surprised him indeed very much he told me that it was a critical point indeed for me to manage and he did not see which way I should get out of it but he would consider it and let me know next time we met what resolution he was come to about it and in the meantime desired I would not give my consent to his brother nor yet give him a flat denial but that I would hold him in suspense a while I seem to start at saying I should not give him my consent I told him he knew very well I had no consent to give that he'd engaged himself to marry me and that my consent was the same time engaged to him that he had all along told me I was his wife and I looked upon myself and I looked upon myself as if actually so as if the ceremony had passed and that it was from his own mouth that I did so he having all along persuaded me to call myself his wife well my dear says he don't be concerned at that now if I am not your husband I'll be as good as your husband to you and do not let those things trouble you now but let me look a little farther into this affair and I shall be able to say more next time we meet he pacified me as well as he could with this but I found he was very thoughtful and that though he was very kind to me and kissed me a thousand times and more I believe and gave me money too yet he offered no more all the while we were together which was above two hours and which I much wondered at indeed at the time considering how it used to be and what opportunity we had his brother did not come from London for five or six days and it was two days more before he got an opportunity to talk with him but then getting him by himself he began to talk very close to him about it and the same evening got an opportunity for we had a long conference together to repeat all their discourse to me which as near as I can remember was to the purpose following he told him he heard strange news of him since he went, Fizz, that he made love to Mrs. Betty well, says his brother a little angrily and so I do and what then? what is anybody to do with that? nay, says his brother don't be angry Robin I don't pretend to have anything to do with it nor do I pretend to be angry with you about it but I find they do concern themselves about it and that they have used the poor girl ill about it which I should take as done to myself whom do you mean they? says Robin I mean my mother and the girls says the elder brother but Harkie says his brother are you an earnest do you really love this girl? you may be free with me you know why then? says Robin I will be free with you I do love her above all the women in the world and I will have her let them say and do what they will I believe the girl will not deny me it struck me to the heart when he told me this for though it was most rational to think I would not deny him yet I knew in my own conscience I must deny him and I saw my ruin in my being obliged to do so but I knew it was my business to talk otherwise then so I interrupted him in his story thus I, said I does he think I cannot deny him but he shall find I can deny him for all that well my dear says he but let me give you the whole story as it went on between us and then say what you will then he went on and told me that he replied thus but brother you know she has nothing and you may have several ladies with good fortunes tis no matter for that said Robin I love the girl and I will never please my pocket in marrying and not please my fancy and so my dear as he there is no opposing him yes yes says I you shall see I can oppose him I have learnt to say no now though I had not learnt it before if the best lord in the land offered me marriage now I could very cheerfully say no to him well but my dear says he what can you say to him you know as you said when we talked of it before he will ask you many questions about it and all the house will wonder what the meaning of it should be why says I smiling I can stop all their mouths at one clap by telling him and them too that I am married already to his elder brother he smiled a little too at the word but I could see it startled him and he could not hide the disorder it put him into however he returned why though that may be true in some sense yet I suppose you are but in jest when you talk of giving such an answer as that it may not be convenient on many accounts no no says I pleasantly I am not so fond of letting the secret come out without your consent but what then can you say to him or to them says he when they find you positive against a match which would apparently be so much to your advantage why says I why should I be at a loss first of all I am not obliged to give me any reason at all on the other hand I may tell them that I am married already and stop there and that will be a full stop too to him for he can have no reason to ask one question after it I says he but the whole house will teach you about that even to father and mother and if you deny them positively they will be obliged to you and suspicious besides why says I what can I do what would you have me do I was in straight enough before and as I told you the circumstances that I might have your advice my dear says he I have been considering very much upon it you may be sure and though it is a piece of advice that has a great many mortifications in it to me and may it first seem strange to you yet all things considered I see no better way for you than to let him go on and if you find him hardy and in earnest marry him I gave him a look full of horror at those words and turning pale as death was at the very point of sinking down out of the chair I sat in when giving a start he said what's the matter with you where are you going and a great many such things and with jogging and called to me fetched me a little to myself though it was a good while before I fully recovered my senses and was not able to speak for several minutes more when I fully recovered he began again my dear says he what made you so surprised at what I said I would have you consider seriously of it you may see plainly how the family stand in this case and they would be stark mad if it was my case as it is my brother's and for ought I see it would be my ruin and yours too hi says I still speaking angrily are all your protestations and vows to be shaken by the dislike of the family did I not always object that to you and you made light thing of it as what you were above and would value and it is come to this now said I is this your face and honor your love and the solidity of your promises he continued perfectly calm not withstanding all my reproaches and I was not sparing of them at all but he replied at last my dear I have not broken one promise with you yet I did tell you I would marry you when I was come to my estate but you see my father is a hail healthy man and may live these thirty years still and not be older than several are round us in town and you never proposed my marrying you sooner because you knew it might be my ruin and as to all the rest I have not failed you in anything you have wanted for nothing I could not deny word of this and had nothing to say to it in general but why then says I can you persuade me to such a horrid step as leaving you since you have not left me will you allow no affection no love on my side where there has been so much on your side have I made you no returns have I given no testimony of my sincerity and of my passion are the sacrifices I have made of honour and modesty to you no proof of my being tied to you and bonds too strong to be broken but here my dear says he you may come into a safe station and appear with both honour and splendor at once and the remembrance of what we have done may be wrapped up in an eternal silence as if it had never happened you shall always have my respect and my sincere affection only then it shall be honest and perfectly just to my brother you shall be my dear sister and now you are my dear and there he stopped your dear whore says I you would have said it if you had gone on and you might as well have said it but I understand you the long discourses you have had with me and the many hours pains you have taken to persuade me to believe myself an honest woman that I was your wife intentionally though not in the eyes of the world and that it was an effectual marriage that had passed between us as is we had been publicly wedded by the parson of the parish you know and cannot but remember that these have been your own words to me I found this was a little too close upon him but I made it up in what follows he stood stock still for a while and said nothing and I went on thus you cannot says I without the highest injustice believe that I yielded upon all these persuasions without a love not to be questioned not to be shaken again by anything that could happen afterward if you have such dishonorable thoughts of me I must ask you what foundation in any of my behavior have I given for such a suggestion if then I have yielded to the importunities of my affection and if I have been persuaded to believe that I am really and in the essence of the thing your wife shall I now give the lie to all those arguments and call myself your whore or mistress which is the same thing and will you transfer me to your brother can you transfer my affection can you bid me cease loving you and bid me love him and in my power think you to make such a change at demand no sir said I depend upon it is impossible and whatever the change of your side may be I will ever be true and I had much rather since it has come to that unhappy length be your whore than your brother's wife he appeared pleased and touched with the impression of this last discourse and told me that he stood where he did before that he had not been unfaithful to me in any one promise he had ever made yet but that there were so many terrible things presented themselves to his view in the affair before me and that on my account in particular that he had thought of the other as a remedy so effectual as nothing could come up to it that he thought this would not be entire parting us but we might love his friends all our days and perhaps with more satisfaction in the station we were now in as things might happen that he durst say I could not apprehend anything from him as to betraying a secret which could not but be the destruction of us both if it came out that he had but one question to ask of me that could lie in the way of it and if that question was answered in the negative he could not but still think it was the only step I could take I guessed at his question presently namely I was sure I was not with child as to that I told him he need not be concerned about it for I was not with child why then my dear says he we have no time to talk further now consider of it and think closely about it I cannot be of the opinion still that it will be the best course you can take and with this he took his leave and the more hastily to his mother and sisters ringing at the gate at the moment that he had risen up to go he left me in the utmost confusion of thought and he easily perceived it the next day and all the rest of the week for it was but Tuesday evening when we talked but he had no opportunity to come at me all that week till the Sunday after when I being indisposed did not go to church and he making some excuse for the like stayed at home and now he had me an hour and a half again by myself and we fell into the same arguments all over again or at least so near the same as it would be no purpose to repeat them at last I asked him warmly what opinion he must have of my modesty that he could suppose I should so much as entertain a thought of lying with two brothers and assured him it could never be I added if he was to tell me that he would never see me more than which nothing but death could be more terrible yet I could never entertain a thought so dishonorable to myself and so base to him and therefore I entreated him if he had one grain of respect or affection left for me that he would speak no more of it to me or that he would pull his sword out and kill me he appeared surprised at my obstinacy as he called it told me I was unkind to myself and unkind to him in it that it was a crisis unlooked for possible for either of us to foresee but that he did not see any other way to save us both from ruin and therefore he thought it the more unkind but that if he must say no more of it to me he added with an unusual coldness that he did not know anything else we had to talk of and so he rose up to take his leave I rose up too as if with the same indifference but when he came to give me as it were a parting kiss I burst out into such a passion of crying that though I would have spoke I could not and only pressing his hand seemed to give him the adieu but cried vehemently he was sensibly moved with this so he sat down again and said a great many kind things to me to abate the excess of my passion but still urged the necessity of what he had proposed all the while insisting that if I did refuse I would not withstanding provide for me but letting me plainly see that he would decline me in the main point nay even as a mistress making it a point of honour not to lie with the woman that for ought he knew might come to be his brother's wife the bare loss of him as a gallant was not so much my affliction as the loss of his person whom indeed I loved to distraction and the loss of all the expectations I had which I always had built my hopes upon of having him one day for my husband these things oppressed my mind so much that in short I fell very ill the agonies of my mind in a word threw me into a high fever and long it was that none in the family expected my life