 Hi, it's Darren Marlar! Welcome to the Darren Marlar Radio Show, and coming up today – junk food and monkeys! It's not a new flavor combination of Ben & Jerry, it's a sneak peek at our weird holidays. Nobody likes going to the dentist, but we redheads. Well, we have more reason than the rest of you. Don't believe me? Well, I will explain coming up here in a few minutes. Got our birthday wrap up, question impossible on the way as well, along with our joke of the day, and a Norwegian doctor he called in for military service that would have made Corporal Klinger of Mash proud, our moment of duh later on in the show. And where in the world do you think it's actually appropriate for your wife to be a minimum weight? We're going to find out later on in the show, and if you drink tea and you already seen your citizen, congratulations, you're helping your brain. Our brain-on-drug story delivering sweets to the police department lands one teenager in a lot of trouble. And not all heroes wear capes. Some of them are even over 70 years old. I'll tell you that story, which is amazingly inspiring. I loved reading that story and had to share it with you. Oh, by the way, you know, it's important here, you know, now that we're in the hot weather, you need to remember your brain. It works, you know, slower in warm temperatures. Your response times are slower. You're watching McCollet. It can get all, you know, so don't try to do much with your brain thingy because well, it's too hot, you know, actually kind of to think. Yeah. Well, I might not know how to tango, but I know how to man dance. I think you're a little confused here. Nobody likes going to the dentist, but well, we Red Heads, we have more reason than the rest of you. I will explain why coming up here in a few minutes. Hey, by the way, if you want to be a part of the show, you can visit the contact page at DarrenMarlar.com. You can send me an email for my email bag. Right now, let's take a look at today's weird, wacky, strange, zany, odd, bizarre, quirky, unusual holidays. Today is Friday, July 21st. You have 156 shopping days until Christmas and today is National Junk Food Day. Or you can just celebrate it every day like I do. You know, that way you don't miss it. Today is Monkey Appreciation Day. You know, I don't have a lot of experience with monkeys, so I'm not really sure what to do to show my appreciation for them. I mean, even not kidding, my sea monkeys. They even died after a couple of days. And today is Don Knott's Day, marking his birth on this day back in 1924 in Morgantown, West Virginia. He played his most famous role, of course, Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, but he also played Ralph Furley on Threes Company, Les Ace Calhoun on Matlock. He was also a regular on Search for Tomorrow, believe it or not. The Steve Allen Show, the Don Knott Show, yeah, he had his own show there for a while. What a country, believe it or not, he has won five Emmy Awards, an amazing actor, an awesome comedian. See, he was on a soap opera, Search for Tomorrow. I thought soap operas only hired bad actors. All I'm saying is that there are some things beyond the can of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with. We don't know everything, Andy. There's plenty going on right now in the twilight zone that we don't know anything about, and I think we ought to stay clear. You're pretty far out there, even for the guys who do a lot of this stuff. Today's question impossible. What U.S. state is surrounded by the most water? I'll have the answer for you here in just a few minutes. Hey, if you would like to like me, poke me, tweet me, follow me, or stalk me, you can find links to all of my social media at DarrenMarlar.com. While few people enjoy a trip to the dentist, it is particularly bad for us redheads. Scientists are even saying this is true. Carrot tops are twice as likely as blondes or brunettes to avoid the dentist because of fear-related anxiety. According to a report in the Journal of the American Dental Association, researchers believe it is because the gene, a melanocortin-1 receptor, which causes red hair, may be present in redhead's brains, making them more susceptible to pain. Yeah, so lay off, it's not my fault that I'm a woozy man. Hi, I'm Darren Marlar, and you can keep up with everything I do by signing up for my newsletter, absolutely free. It's the Marlar Sheet, and you can sign up for it at DarrenMarlar.com. Doing so will also automatically enter you into contests that I have on a regular basis. We'll take a look at today's celebrity birthdays coming up with our birthday wrap-up. But first, question impossible. The question again was, what U.S. state is surrounded by the most water? What U.S. state is surrounded by the most water? Well, it really isn't that difficult of a question. Hawaii, it's an island, it's surrounded by water. Most people though, amazingly enough, they get this question wrong. They either say Maine, Florida, Alaska, or California. They just completely forget about Hawaii. How about you? How did you do on it? Our joke of the day is coming up here in just a bit. If you missed any part of today's show, you can catch up on it at DarrenMarlar.com. Celebrating birthdays today from the perfect man? Are You Afraid of the Dark? Actress Vanessa Legges is 32. From Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down, and Sin City, actor Josh Hartnett is 39. Actress model Allie Landry from the TV show Felicity She's 44 today. And actor-comedian from Saturday Night Live, News Radio, The League of Their Own, John Lovex is the big 6-0. Hi, I'm Darren Marlar. Welcome to the show. If you want to listen to any of my past shows, you can get them on my free mobile app. Just search for Marlar House in your phone app store. It's time for today's joke of the day. A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, pondered. He felt very close to nature, and he even felt close to God. But he felt so close to God, in fact, that he felt that if he spoke to God, God would reply. So he asked, God, are you listening? And God replied, Yes, my son, I am here. Well, the man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, God, what is a million years to you? God replied, Well, my son, a second to me is like a million years to you. So the man continued to walk and continued to ponder, walk and ponder, walk and ponder. Then he looked to the sky again and said, God, What is a million dollars to you? And God replied, My son, my son, a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value. It is so little. The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, God, can I have a million dollars? And God replied, In a second. Today's moment of duh is coming up here in just a bit. A Norwegian doctor, he was called in for military service and he would have made Corporal Klinger of the TV show Mash Proud. Our moment of duh on the way. Hey, if you like scary stories, well, I actually have a show on the weekends that I do called Weird Darkness. If you want to check it out, you can find it at WeirdDarkness.com. British politicians are being urged to eat gray squirrels as part of a radical plan to prevent the native red squirrels from being eliminated by the gray imports from North America. As if English food isn't bad enough. Now they want you to sit down and eat a big steaming bowl of fish and chipmunks. We're in the world, do you think it's actually appropriate for your wife to be a minimum weight? Well, we're going to find out in a few moments. You can hear the show anytime by the way, just go to DarrenMarlar.com. Today's moment of duh, a Norwegian doctor, he called in for military service and he would have made Corporal Klinger of Mash Proud. The doctor rubbed sour cream in his hair, poured sticky liquor in his shoes, spilled beer on his clothes, and sat in a closet smoking 40 cigarettes at once in an attempt to convince the military that he was not fit mentally for service. Well, and just to be sure he looked and felt his worst, he stayed awake for two days before his physical. He was so convincing that the military doctor alerted the National Health Authority about the man that they had licensed to work as a physician. Well, an analysis of his records, however, showed that not only was he not insane, but he had received high marks from his patients. So now, the doctor is facing likely disciplinary action from the military and the medical board. If you'd like a few more laughs after the DarrenMarlar radio show, you can check out dailydoseofweirdnews.com for hundreds of the videos I've created over the last couple of years. Well, if you drink tea and you are a senior citizen, well congratulations, you're helping your brain. I'll tell you how right around the corner. So, where in the world do you think it's actually appropriate for your wife to be a minimum weight? I was always taught that asking a woman's weight was a very impolite thing to do, but in Finland, it is required. That is, if you want to compete in the annual World Wife Carrying Championship, the Finnish village of Sankt-Jarvi, and I'm sure I'm totally destroying that name, but anyway, a Finnish village has set a minimum weight for women taking part in its annual World Wife Carrying Championship to stop men with the very tiny petite spouses having an advantage. By the way, if you have no idea what this is all about and there's really no reason that you should, well the championships they have men carry women on their backs over an obstacle course. Wives must now weigh at least 92.5 pounds. Honey, does this dress make me look fat? It does, oh good, that means we're ready to compete. It must be true, because I heard it on the radio. It must be true, it must be true. Ladies and gentlemen, the Darren Marlar Radio Show. This is important. The most significant event on the internet today. Who may I ask, are you? Darren Marlar. Delivering sweets to the police department. It lands one teenager in a lot of trouble coming up in a story that I'll have for you in just a couple of minutes. If you'd like to be a part of the show, you can visit the contact page at DarrenMarlar.com. You can send me an email and maybe end up in my email bag. Well, drinking tea as a senior citizen, especially those at a higher risk of diseases like Alzheimer's, that could help prevent serious mental decline. Researchers at the National University of Singapore looked at 957 Chinese individuals who were 55 years of age or older in this longitudinal study, and found that those who drank tea daily reduced their risk of cognitive decline by 50%. Participants who carried the gene associated with Alzheimer's disease saw a diminished risk of cognitive impairment by up to 86%. This finding held regardless of the type of tea that somebody drank. As long as the tea leaves had been freshly brewed, consuming tea was found to help protect the brain. If you want to read a little bit more about that, I do have a link to that article in my blog, which you can get to at DarrenMarlar.com. You know, not all heroes wear capes. Some of them are over 70 years old. That story is on the way. If you'd like to like me, tweet me, whatever you want to do on social media, you can find me there at DarrenMarlar.com. I have links to all my social media there on my site. An 18-year-old suspected of delivering drug-laced cookies to a dozen police stations in Texas is fulfilling court-ordered community service work for mothers against drunk driving. Christian Phillips told police he was a representing, that is, MAD, M-A-D-D, when he dropped off the baskets of treats that were loaded with LSD. A few officers ate the cookies, but no illnesses had been reported. Phillips was arrested at the Lake Worth Police Department after officers who had received a call from M-A-D-D, MAD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, in case you didn't know what that represented. The officers said the cookies taken to another station may have been tainted. While they accepted the basket, and after he was busted, police discovered Phillips had visited 13 of 24 departments. Ironically, Phillips was on probation for an assault last summer after officers responded to a loud party at his house. Several teams fled, but Phillips tried to karate-chop in officers' arms. Thanks for listening to The Darren Marlar Radio Show! If you want to keep up with everything I do, you can sign up for my newsletter, The Marlar Sheet, at DarrenMarlar.com. Doing so will also automatically enter you into contests that I hold on my site. Well, not all heroes wear capes. Some wear aprons and oven mitts. After Leo Kellner's wife of 72 years died from complications related to dementia in 2012, the Hastings, Nebraska man began baking desserts for people in need in his community. The 98-year-old told today, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was moaning and moping, and I said, I gotta have something to do. And that's how it started. If you want to see a video of this guy in action, a great interview with him, and very inspiring, I was smiling the entire way through it, you can find that video in my blog at DarrenMarlar.com. Definitely worth checking out. Hey, if you missed any part of today's show, you can catch up at DarrenMarlar.com. I had a blast today. I hope you did too. The DarrenMarlar radio show was recorded before a large cardboard cutout of a live studio audience. Good night, ladies.