 So today we're gonna address the topic of the psychology behind making a man miss you. We're gonna dive into this, so bear with me. Before we do, I wanna address something with everybody. And I just wanna say it's okay to want a relationship. It's okay to want a relationship. For those of you who sing them for looking for love, it's absolutely okay to want that. But what happens if it doesn't happen? What if it doesn't happen? What if you don't meet the love of your life? What if you don't have that glorious relationship that goes off into the sunset? See, there's a lot of people that say, married people are the happiest of all people out on the planet. But is that really true? And is your life doomed? If you don't find the love of your life, if you don't have a man chasing you, is your life doomed? I hope not. Because let me just say this. It's easy to find the wrong relationship. It's easy to, think about it. We have a 50 plus percent first marriage divorce rate. We have a 65, 75% second and third marriage divorce rate. So it seems rather easy to find the wrong relationship. But what does it take to find the right relationship? And do you need psychology to make a man miss you? We're gonna address that in a second. So let's think about this for a second. Why are women attracted to broken men? Why are women attracted to jerks? And why are women attracted to selfish men? And by the way, this is true for men as well. Men are attracted to broken women. Men are attracted to bitches as that terminology is. And there are certainly men that are attracted to that entitled type of woman out there that only cares about herself. This happens out there, okay? So I wanna address something because I want you to think about this for a moment. What do great relationships have in common? What do great relationships have in common? I think they have these two primary things that are in common. They're an absolute gratitude for one another. They're mutually grateful for having this person in their life. See, it's not one-sided. I know many of you have experienced you're grateful that the person is in your life, but he's not feeling the same for you. And you might wanna understand the psychology behind making someone chase you. We're gonna get into that for a second. But the second quality that great relationships have, they can resolve conflicts and differences with a fair amount of ease. Let me repeat that. They can resolve conflicts and differences in their relationship with a fair amount of ease. That's what they have in common. So why aren't people experiencing the relationship of their life? Why aren't people experiencing this glorious love that so many married people talk about that they're happy? Now I think to some degree, it is, listen, we were designed, human beings were designed to live in tribes. We were designed to live, I believe we were designed to live in tribes, to live with groups of people. So eventually, if narrowed down from you had a tribe of 150, to 100, to 50, to then your family was the primary tribe for the last couple of hundred years. And now we're mostly in tribes of one. Meaning you have a life mate, that's your tribe. Because if you have children, they've moved on, they're an empty nester, you're down to a tribe of one other person or basically two people I should say. So of course now we're, because we are dependent upon our tribe for much more of our needs than we can get on our own. And yet if I learned one thing after my son passed away, and many of you know that I lost my 19-year-old son, there's a picture of him calling her with his brother, Colin. If I learned one thing amongst many things, in fact, he was the impetus for me to write my book What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. If I learned one thing is that things can change in a moment. And quite frankly, the tribe of one, meaning the individual is really the journey of life. So it's not about mating with someone, certainly it's great to mate with someone, but if you're coming from a place of lack, if you're coming from a place of yearning, if you're coming from those places, you're most likely going to act desperate. And then you'll use these psychological techniques to make a man chase you. I want to be upfront. What I'm about to share with you in a minute is not the best way to make a man chase you because it's the rhetoric you're hearing out in the dating marketplace is the psychology and oftentimes dark psychology of making a person chase you. But I just want to reiterate the true journey of life I believe is the journey to self-love. Mastering one's emotions, being able to find peace and joy on the solo journey. And hopefully you meet someone else who's also on that path of joy on the solo journey and you can come together. In that space of gratitude for one another, but more importantly, because you've shown up as an emotional grown-up, you have the skills to resolve conflicts between the two of you with far greater ease. I'm gonna repeat that, far greater ease. So what is the psychology behind making a man chase you? Well, it occurs to me, I was watching a video, I was watching, I think it was a TikTok video of a gentleman speaking to his girlfriend, breaking up with her. And basically he was explaining how their relationship triggered all of his childhood wounds, all of his childhood wounds. And he recognizes that he was in a relationship with someone from an unhealthy perspective. So let me repeat that, it triggers his wound of abandonment. It triggers his wound of not feeling good enough. It triggers his wound of not being worthy or likable. In fact, that's primarily, and it triggers the wound of not feeling safe. Now I'm not suggesting she did this intentionally, that's not what the video is about. However, if you listen to dating advice out there, a lot of it is based on unhealthy triggers to make a person chase you. For example, you've heard this dating advice, it comes from the book, the rules and other thing is, wait four hours to respond to a text message. That will make him urine and chase you. But the thing is for the anxious attach, oh, by the way, if you're not familiar with the book, by the way, two books I wanna recommend you get, attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Heller, and the book Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Takin, okay? Okay. See, when you delay, if you have the capacity, we're gonna use this as the example. If you have the capacity to reply back to someone in a few moments, but you're waiting to trigger their anxious attachment style, okay? Their anxious attachment style. Now in the book, there's basically anxious, avoidant and secure, and then there's variations between anxious and avoidant. For that anxious person, he sent this text and he's like, I didn't get a response back. He's gonna be craving, craving, craving because he has a childhood wound that's been triggered in that moment, okay? And that will make him chase you. He'll be responding again and again and again. Now you'll be overwhelmed with that most likely because you are, it's usually typically an anxious man attracts avoidant woman and avoidant man attracts an anxious woman, okay? So you might temporarily get him to chase you, but you will actually lose attraction for that man. So then you're the anxious person trying to get the avoidant, okay? Now that may temporarily make him chase you by playing games, by withholding affections, by holding back, by leaning back, by waiting to respond, might temporarily work with an avoidant attachment style. Might temporarily work. But believe me, after a while, you can't keep that up. And keep in mind, avoidant, okay, men who are dismissive avoidants or fear, particularly fearful avoidant men, they have a very difficult time attaching to somebody in their life. This is why I want you to read these books to understand the dynamics going on, the psychology going on between our mating practices of today. See, it used to be we made it very young in life. We bonded through, like we made it at age 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18, I'm talking about going back hundreds if not thousands or hundreds of thousands of years ago. So we bonded rather at a young age, mainly because people didn't live that long, okay? Through physical intimacy. Well, now we have to withhold, now we're in a practice of withholding physical intimacy so we don't bond to the wrong person. And what happens is a lot of dating advice and dating rhetoric out there is designed to trigger an unhealthy emotion to get a man to chase you. See, we are sadly, I'm just going to share with you my chart. This is just, this is an opinion. It's not a fact, but emotional maturity and relationship skills. I'm going to say roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues or weak relationship skills. And while I say a 20% is healthy, I'm being rather generous. Most everyone is dysfunctional and the dating advice out there is designed to trigger our dysfunctional ways of being because many human beings haven't healed their childhood wounds and adult traumas to actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship. And by the way, even within the book Secure Attached, excuse me, they talk about the Secure Attachment styles and roughly it says 50% of the population is secure. I don't believe that one bit. I mean, I don't even know how they tested for it because it fascinates me. If you take the tests online, everybody comes up as secure because we oftentimes rationalize how we think we are versus how we actually are in relationship. So when I say that the Secure Relationship, I mean, is that really true? If we have a 50% divorce rate and a 50% of the balance of couples are miserable, are they even really happy in relationship? See these psychological games don't work. Another psychological game that make a man chase you is the idea of understanding that men love the hunt. Men love the hunt, okay? Men love the hunt. So in other words, keep withholding because they'll keep hunting you. But that makes the, okay, so again, that's another psychological understanding that men love the hunt because we used to go out and hunt buffalo and we killed the dinosaur and that sort of thing. And sure, when men are in a chasing mode, when men are in that chasing mode, there is chemicals being released in the body that makes us urine and chase for that. But let me tell you something. You can't apply chasing buffalo as chasing a relationship. You can't apply the two. Well, I guess you can from a temporary perspective, but that means you're gonna have to constantly be withholding throughout the entire relationship, hoping that you become secure with a person. So that narrative doesn't work, but again, it works temporarily. And it is also making the assumption that men are on the hunt for a relationship. Men, biologically speaking, don't necessarily want to stick with one person from a biological perspective. Now a socialization perspective, we do that, but not from a biological perspective because again, what's oftentimes missing in the relationship dynamic is actually being in a state of gratitude for one another, being in a state of gratitude for one another. Do you know that's what really saddens me when I look and witness couples? They're together, but they're not necessarily overtly happy. They're not grateful for the other person. They're just what I say, if you're not familiar with the three types of people I say that are actively dating again, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. I say roughly 20% of the populations are users. These are people that seek short-term gain. The love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the entitled people, the selfish people. And while I say 20% of the population are grower and builders, they seek long-term commitment. They have their act together. Most everybody falls into the category of spenders. They want some occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex, but they don't have their life together emotionally speaking and because of that they're incapable of actually leaning into what love is all about. Love is all about, at least in my opinion, the most powerful force within love is appreciation and gratitude for another person. When you genuinely appreciate and are grateful for someone, you will want to be that with that person. You don't need to make them chase you. So how do we reach that state? Well, I'll get to that in a moment, but I wanna address one more psychological thing that these coaches and people out there are talking about and that is using stress to make a man chase you. I was watching a video and it talked about when a man is in stress, he releases a hormone that signifies love. So like, and I thought about that for a moment. Is that really true? So yes, there are men that are addicted to stress or pain because it motivates them in their pursuit of some sort of outward place in their life, usually the stress of chasing money. People that have their libidos wrapped into their desire to make a significant amount of money. So what this, so, and there's some truth to that. And then within that chase, because the chase of money is now instead of the chase of buffalo, it's the chase of money. And within that stress, they actually live off of the adrenaline. And somehow this coach I was listening to, at least in my mind, and again, these are all my perceptions, was correlating this to love. Love should never be based on stress and pain. So again, a lot of this dating advice and rhetoric out there is designed to trigger the most unhealthy aspects of a human being because we're now starting to understand the psychology behind human emotions. And they're using it in ways to temporarily form a relationship with another human being because the real challenge I see out there, as I said before, is that very few couples reach a state of gratitude and appreciation for one another. So how do we get there? That's the real question. Instead of the making a man chase you, let's rewrite this title and say, how to bond with another person. Well, the way I see it, there's really only one way to get there, to bond with another person. It is through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, which includes physical and emotional intimacy with another human being, with the intent of something serious like either moving in together or getting married. In other words, this intentional approach to relationships through the building of the deep roots of trust. And trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? How do we get there? Folks, it's not gonna be through your smartphones. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Oh, thinking of you, oh, you're so hot, you're so sexy. Let me send you a naked picture of me so we can fantasize about each other. And we live 3,000 miles away and we're never gonna meet, but we're gonna spend years and years and years texting one another. These are the unhealthy ways people are attached to one another. And if you're not familiar with the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt, I highly recommend reading this to find out why you're choosing the same person over and over and over again. Why you're choosing the same person over and over and over again. Cause that's what's oftentimes happening. Is you're chasing that unfulfilled love you experienced in childhood? And by the way, all the books I recommend are listed below. How are we gonna change this narrative going forward? It's going to require, first, doing true introspective work on oneself, getting to that place of self-love. And I'm not, this isn't a destination, this is just a practice. And then choosing better. By the way, you see this link right here to schedule a discovery, this is a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's links below as well. My whole coaching is about discernment, refining your discernment so you find someone who matches you at the level that you're at in the dating marketplace. And remembering, as I said before, and earlier in this broadcast, if your relationship doesn't go the test of time, that's okay. They rarely do. My father is 98 years and 98 and a half years old. My mother passed away six years ago. 10%, okay, he was married for 66 years. We give a lot of credit. But the last six years he's been by himself. You know what? That happens frequently now. Do you know how many people are, I see this, I have a lot of widow and widowers coming to me and it means, look at, does that mean your life is over at age 60? I hope not, but you know what? Maybe sometimes all we get is one great love. Maybe we don't, who knows? But the journey within oneself is what matters most. It's not about making a man chase you and I'm not here to encourage what so many dating coaches are trying to, and they're not even really dating coaches. They're just a bunch of tick-tockers giving advice out there. And they're basically focusing on the unhealthy aspects of human behavior and using those triggers to get someone to temporarily be with you. Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Post a comment below. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours. If this did resonate with you, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well so you can be notified in new videos. And if you wanna connect with me again, links below, schedule a discovery call, join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Get all the books I recommend. Get my dating vows. It's in the show notes. Just click there and you'll see all the links, all right? Great. All right, many of you know, during my live streams, I take questions. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Again, that's him right there with his brother. He's my son who passed away over five and a half years ago and his honor. I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and offers discounts to scholarships to coaching as well. Okay? So again, and our goal today is $50. $50, help me get to that goal. Trista's in the house. Oh, by the way, anyone who wants to join the hot seat with me means if you wanna be on here with me live, just click that link in the chat box and we can talk live and we can give you some advice live while everyone else is watching. Question from Trista. Any tips on how to make, how to keep the relationship exciting once it hits the routine? I know I delay my response for a few minutes and create space to slow things down. You know, you know, I often wonder should I be giving advice for couples? Okay? You know, I wanna be candid with everyone. This is gonna be a personal share for a moment but many of you have followed my channel know I was in a significant relationship that ended. God, it's going on, let's see. Six, eight, so eight months ago, eight, nine months ago. And I had this fantasy that I would immediately meet someone. I would immediately meet someone to show you that, you know, I could manifest the woman of my dreams. I had this kind of fantasy out there. How you to manifest your perfect relationship. But I realized when I had that fantasy is because I had a hole inside of me. I had a relationship just ended. There was a hole inside of me. So I wanted to fill that hole up as soon as possible. And that lasted for about three or four months. And again, I had this fantasy. I'm sharing this with you because I realized what's my role here? What's my role here in life? What's my purpose? See, while I'm a dating and relationship coach and many of my titles are all based on helping women understand men and attract the relationship of their dreams. I recognize that my real role in life is about helping encourage self-love. What is self-love? It's self-worth, it's self-esteem, it's self-confidence, it's self-reliance. And the fact of the matter is is a relationship certainly is an addition to one's life. But as I started this broadcast, you know, there are people that have lost their relationship. There are people that have lost children. There are people that have lost their professional lives. There are people going through physical ailments. And so this expectation that somebody is happier because they're married, I think is a date. By the way, that may be true, although I don't necessarily believe it's true. I think when you consider how many people are divorced and how many people get divorced a second or third time and how many people are married and probably miserable, is that where happiness lies is through marriage? I'm not buying that. So then I ask myself, why am I in this experience? Because I'm supposed to be the coach that knows it all. I'm here to say, I don't know it all. So did you ever see the movie with William Hurt called the, I think it was called The Doctor? And he's an arrogant surgeon that helps treat cancer patients. He's an arrogant son of a bitch. He's quintessential, self-centric human being only cares about himself doctor. And then he gets cancer and he's now living what his patients live. And through that experience, he's become a more empathetic, kind, loving doctor. And he's not chasing the dollar. He's not making promises with people. He's being real with people. And it occurs to me that that's what I'm experiencing. And why I'm sharing this with you and coming back to that question, where is that question? Trista, how to keep the relationship alive? I don't know yet. I don't know yet. I haven't experienced, I've listened. I've gone through the emotional trauma of divorce. I've gone through the emotional trauma of divorce. I've gone through the emotional trauma of getting wiped out financially and losing my identity when my high-end corporate job, for lack of a better word, was had ended. I was gonna say taken away from me, but it ended. So I reckon, and then I have the emotional effects of losing a child. Do you know losing a child for a couple oftentimes causes divorce? Do you realize that? Two happy people lose a child and it ends their relationship. That saddens me. So what is the glue to keeping a relationship together? I think it is through play, gratitude, and working as a team. Trista, that's the answer to the question. Play, gratitude, and working as a team. When two people can do play together, by the way, that includes having sex, okay? They can be grateful for one another and they work as a team. They have each other's best interest. You don't need to keep things exciting. It is already exciting when you're in a state of gratitude and that's my perception on that. Thank you so much for that question. Rachel says, Jonathan, you're amazing as always. Well, thank you so much. Maricola says, long distance relationship works or not. Here's the problem with long distance dating, okay? Let's differentiate it between dating and a relationship because there are a lot of military people that their husband or wife is in another country and they make the relationship work. So we gotta look at long distance dating. The problem with long distance dating is that time apart activates our unhealthy wounds and requires incessant communication with one another to keep it together, okay? Most of the time, okay? And most people haven't, they've had that short-term hit of dopamine where they got attached to one another but they have no real game plan of taking the distance from long to short. By the way, if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg charts, see, long distance starts with attraction and chemistry but very rarely do couples talk about their values, how to blend their lifestyle and the emotional maturity to handle the differences and the conflicts within the relationship. So they're always spending time here in the bubble of chemistry. So do they work? Yeah, just like a broken clock, okay? It's right twice a day. Two out of 24 times it works and by the way, it's not even that high of a percentage. So you need to have a game plan if you're going to enter into a long distance dating dynamic, okay? Beth wants to know how to get a man to open up. Take a knife, go from here to here and you can open them up. I think couples should do couples therapy. I think couples, the minute, listen, ladies, the minute the penis goes inside the vagina on a regular basis, I believe today, counseling and coaching within a relationship should be mandatory. That's what I believe. I think every month, every week you do a check-in with your relationship, you do an inventory. Okay, I want you to think about it like this, okay? I know I'm babbling here for a second. I want you to think of two attorneys that decide to begin a law practice together. Could be a man and a woman, could be two men, could be two women, two people. These attorneys say we want to be in partnership with one another, okay? So the minute two, by the way, in my mind, the minute the penis goes inside the vagina, you are forming a partnership with someone and first you need to establish the rules of engagement. What does this mean? And I believe that couples want to have a happy relationship. Part of the rules of engagement includes a weekly check-in, just like two law firm partners, they do a review of the week, okay? I think that should be number one. I think a lot of law firms have retreats for their associates. Well, I think it's important that the partners have regular retreats with one another, but more importantly, continuing education. See, if you want to maintain your license, you have to, whether it's an insurance license, whether it's a legal license, continuing education is required. And I think that's done on an individual basis, but I'm saying doing it in a teamwork basis and having maybe a counselor coach part of the journey to help each other open up in a safer container. Now, but Jonathan, he says he won't do therapy, but Jonathan, he won't do counseling or coaching. Well, then what does that say about this person? If he's not willing to use tools, that's like saying, you know, I talked about being a doctor earlier, you know, I'm gonna open someone up with a machete knife instead of a scalpel. We need tools to, we need tools in everyday life. So this is just part of a tool. So how do you get them to open up? First, maybe introduce this very early on and don't allow the penis inside the vagina until he agrees to it. And then maybe through these experiences, you'll begin to open up. That's just one suggestion, okay? All right, Sandy's in the house. Jonathan, why haven't you started doing this type of coaching for men yet? Have you have so much value to give them? By the way, folks, I do have a men's channel. It's just getting off the ground. So you can go, you can click on my YouTube channel on the homepage and you'll see there's a men's channel, but I have started helping men. So thank you for that question. Sandy wants to go on to say, Jonathan, you've helped me so much. Please don't ever question your purpose. You literally have changed my life. I applaud you. Thank you so much. Oh, that means the world to me. Big hugs of appreciation. Thank you so much. Believe me, folks, you know, I didn't want the relationship with Marie to end. I didn't. I lived in a fantasy bubble that we were right for each other. And for the most part, we were on some level, but I recognize that we had some differences. And the thing is we each came together to heal to some degree and we now need to do more healing on our own. So I recognize that, but I felt like a fraud. I promise this great relationship and you can all have this great relationship. I think, listen, I respect anybody who's in a happy relationship right now. And if they're coaching, if they're doing YouTube videos, if they've got a podcast and they're teaching from that perspective, great. But can a happy couple really, can a happy man or woman really give advice on the current state of affairs if they're not living it like that doctor? I don't know. I guess it's everything is possible. But I feel as though there's a reason why it didn't work out because I needed more to learn for myself that I could pass on to you. And again, thank you, Sandy, so much for that. All right, Linda's in the house. Question, I hadn't thought of getting guys to chase us or vice versa could become a trigger from their childhood. Is that why narcissists want to know so much about us to jerk us around? Okay, let me just say this. I don't believe a narcissist knows they're a narcissist, okay? I don't think they know it first and foremost. It's like saying you have cancer, but you don't know about it. And I think even if you did know about it, they probably wouldn't even know how to remove the cancer, okay? I think, I suspect that narcissists tend to attract, I mean, this is what I've heard from Dr. Rami and other people. Narcissists attract emotionally weak people. So rather than focus on the narcissist, the real question is how do you become, how do you repel a narcissist? It's really about working on oneself who really gives a shit what narcissists do. What's most important, Linda's what you do. Don't let yourself be jerked around. That's just a quick thought on that one. So thank you so much. Rachel is in the house and she goes on to say, question, how do I meet someone when I struggle to get out much due to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue? Work, home uses most of my energy, but I'm lonely. You know, this is a great question, okay? I mean, and let's be real here from up. This is as real as it gets. How do I meet someone when I'm struggling with health issues? Folks, let's just be real for a moment. If you want to be asked out on a date, you have to be seen by somebody. You have to be seen. Physically either seen whether it's virtually seen or physically seen. And if it's difficult to get out, then the chances are slim. But most importantly, I'm lonely. When we're lonely, we come from a place of lack. We come from a place of longing. We come from a place of desperation. You know, I'm not here to say, I'm not gonna deny the fact that it fucking sucks. Okay, I get it. It really fucking sucks for you. By the way, I don't mean it that way. That's sorry, that came out. Let me reframe that. I recognize that it can be very painful, okay? To both deal with chronic fatigue, to work from work and home, is where most of your energy is. So the question becomes, maybe how do you find joy and peace outside of a relationship? How do you do it with, by the way, romantic relationships are the hardest ones to form. By the way, it's easier to form friendships with people than it is romantic relationships. So first, cultivate as many friends as you possibly can have who will come to you and be a support person for you. That would be number one. Certainly family is in that venue. But if that's hard, then you're gonna have to put yourself out there to be seen. I can't change the reality of life and find those places of joy outside of relationships because, you know, again, if we can't, if we physically don't put ourselves out to be seen, and by the way, the dating apps, look, I get how frustrating it is through dating apps. You have to weed through a lot of stuff. That's why people get it, by the way, people get addicted to dating apps because it's better to have fantasy relationships than real relationships. But I don't have a real solid answer for you, Rachel. I'd be blowing smoke up your ass if I did. My invitation for you is do your best to create a life with family and friends and people in your circle and put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people. Folks, you know, they say, just go to help, just do the things you love and go to Home Depot and hang out at coffee shops, sure. But let me tell you something, that's, again, that's the broken clock way. Find that love within yourself. That's the most important part of the journey. And I've been saying that video after video. Rachel, thank you so much. Paul Tree Flowers is in the house and she says, any tips for staying friends with an ex, especially when they get somebody new and how do you think you'll feel when Marie gets to someone new? Great question. Well, I'll address the second part of your question. I don't wanna know, right? Until I find a relationship, I don't wanna know if she's in a relationship. I don't wanna know if she's dating. I don't wanna know any of it. Okay, I'm too territorial. The minute I'm in a relationship, I'll call her and tell her I'm in a relationship. How do you stay friends? You know, that's a really tricky question. How do you stay friends? Well, if you are friends, then it depends on the type of friendship you have. I don't share personal intimate things about my love life with Marie. I certainly, we keep in touch every now and again. We wanna hear how our children are doing. She checks in and wants to know how Colin's doing. I check in asking about her children and her grandchildren. I wanna know about her health, but it's very cursory in that extent because I don't wanna have an overt emotional relationship with her. And I don't think that's healthy for a previous ex-lover. Now, I'm friends with the one before Marie, but that's because we became family to one another, but we don't talk on a regular basis. I mean, we talk maybe once a month or once every other month. And then we see each other at social gatherings because we have a community of friends that are similar to one another. That's rare. That's not the common place. So I don't know what the answer is to tips to keep a friendship going. And if they're with someone new, you gotta be respectful of the other person as well. That's just my rough thoughts on that poultry. I hope that helped. Barbara says, I recently started dating differently. I treat prospects like business meetings, meet up, split the check, then decide to take it to an actual date. Why are most men getting jealous about this type of dating? First off, I would never get jealous about that type of dating. I don't think jealousy. I think men might be territorial or they might find this a little bit off-putting, but I see nothing wrong with it. Okay, now the question is, why do you care what men think about it? Again, Barbara, what matters most is you. See, ladies, oftentimes, I know my channel is called Understand Men, but you guys are so addicted to trying to figure out men. Figure out yourself. Why do you care? And by the way, has this happened 500 times to you, Barbara? Has it happened 400 times? Has it happened 300 times? You have a small sampling and don't apply, and I guarantee you, it's not 100% of the men. You've had one or two men that have acted unusual in this case, and now you've characterized this, why do most men act this way? It's just you've had a couple of experiences this way. Don't make greater meaning out of something is my invitation for you, okay? Thank you so much. By the way, if you wanna join me live, click on the link right here. Rob Maria. I'm widowed of four years and he knows I want a partner again. He has had bad luck with relationships that didn't work out. Okay, just friends, but I'm not happy. We all make our bed. You've made your bed in this relationship, I'm assuming. Folks, if you wanna have a grown up relationship, you have to act grown up. By the way, if you haven't read the book, how to be an adult in relationships, maybe many of you might wanna learn how to be an adult in relationship and choose people that are adults. Just an invitation for you all. Annette, what is the best way to approach a man with a need without making them feel attacked or feel like a relationship is in jeopardy? Is there a casual way to bring up things? Sure. Folks, I think vulnerability is the capacity to share a fear. To share a fear. I'm afraid I need to share something with you. And I just want you to know this about me. When we're apart, I fear sometimes that you may be talking to other women. And I'm not saying this is a rational fear, I'm just saying this is a fear. And I have a need of, and it would be really great because I have a need for connection. And since we spend a lot of time apart, is it okay that we communicate with one another a couple of times throughout the day just as check-in? Is that something you can do? Is that casual what I just said? Is that needy what I said to be honorable? Or to be vulnerable, excuse me? God, I have my noses at you, excuse me. Folks, in my book, chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. A net, the most casual way to bring something up is from the heart, from a place of sincerity. Because that's the most honest way to bring something up is from your heart. And that's how you do it. And by the way, it's human to be needy. It's such a crack of shit. It's fucking human to be needy. It's okay, but Jonathan, all the dating coach say, I have to be confident. You know, this expectation, and by the way, desperate is one thing. If you desperately want something, that's something you got to work on yourself. But it's very, it's to be insecure is to be human. Do you know, most humans don't feel safe? We don't. We have this illusion of safety, but you know what? I think when we lived in tribes where we got a lot of our needs met from the collective unit, we felt safer. We are at least here in the United States, I should say this. We are a very isolated culture that lives a lot on its own. And it is fucking scary to be by yourself. I mean, unless you're fucking rich, Jonathan, you keep cursing. That's so revolting. I just use them as expletives, by the way. And by the way, rich people aren't happier either. Do you know how many successful actors and actresses commit suicide? Cause they're miserable. So it's not just money that makes people feel safe. It's working on our childhood wounds and our adult traumas. Folks, if you haven't read the book, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. And that's my invitation for everybody. All right, thank you for that question. Hey, Rachel has been a sweetheart and gave us a $5 super sticker. That means our goal is $45 tonight, or today. Thank you so much. Let's see. Barbara says exactly the attorney analogy, meet up and decide if two people wanna form a partnership. I noticed this in the dating strategy, the men I'm meeting up with don't understand, wow, how limited. That sounds like a judgment, you know? By the way, you lay, oh, Barbara, do you know how many women are willing to split a check about this many? That percentage is so low, how limiting. So let's not throw men under the bus without throwing women under the bus as well. Okay, human beings are rather dysfunctional. It's rather common. So just accept it rather than, and I know you're saying, I know you didn't make a judgment, but it felt on the borderline of a judgment. But women are just as limited as men, okay? Carrie says, why are women so insecure with themselves that they need to flirt with other people's partners? You know, each human being has a wound within them that relates to their childhood and it's gone unhealed. That's the why. They have a wound from their childhood that's gone unhealed and they don't have good social boundaries. So they don't have good boundaries. They have emotional wounds that have gone unhealed. Hurt people, hurt people. That's just the reality of life. I guess the question matters is why do you care? See, folks, I want, by the way, someone write this down. Okay, I'm gonna use the term, why do you care? But the question I want you all to ask yourself is why do you care about what other people do? Why do I care about what other people do? I care, I am focused on myself. Learn from the I statement, not from the you statement because when you point the finger at someone, there's three fingers pointing back. All right. Sandy says, yes, yes, yes, Jonathan, spot on about narcissism. If you're dealing with this currently, read her book. It's not about, it's not you, it's fantastic. I think she's talking about Dr. Rami. Linda says, great answer on narcissists, nailed it. Kerry says, maybe women who flirt are desperate and can't control themselves. Exactly what I said, they're wounded and they have no self-control. Hey, Rachel's in the house. How do I nicely tell a guy I've known since September I want more and he doesn't give it, give it. Seize less than twice a month, never met his family or friends. Why are you accepting this relationship? Okay, folks, I'm gonna, this is just blunt, okay? I know many of you criticize me when I say I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in our personal, our professional life, intimacy, with physical and emotional intimacy that leads either moving in together, getting married. It's a plan, okay? Because within that plan, you can build the deep roots of trust. Seeing someone twice a month is called friends with benefits. It's called the situation ship. It's called casual, okay? That's what those are, okay? Twice that, I mean, I get it, but Jonathan, we live far apart. Well, then without a game plan, but most likely he doesn't want a significant relationship. He just wants a part-time relationship and most likely Rachel, you are a placeholder in his life. But Jonathan, I don't have enough time for a relationship. Okay, great. If you don't have enough time for a day-in, day-out relationship, then just accept it the way it is, enjoy the occasional sex and live with it. But you have to make a choice. Folks, I'm speaking to everyone beyond Rachel here. You have to make a choice. Do you want a day-in, day-out relationship or do you want a partnership relationship or do you want just some occasional connection with someone or are you okay with just incessant communication on cell phones and never meeting the person face-to-face? You have to decide what you want. Rachel, decide. Do you want a relationship where you spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, so forth and so on? If that's the case, tell them you're standard and if he doesn't meet that standard, move on. That's it. Folks, we have to be grown up. We can't sit there and pretend, but Jonathan, magic fairy dust will make everything change. If I bury my head in the sand, it will all turn out okay. Folks, I was in a marriage, a 12-year marriage. I buried my head in the sand for 10 of those 12 years thinking magic fairy dust would change things. I was delusional. I felt doing nothing. Somehow something would magically change. You're asking how to ask a guy. First decide what you want and then say this is your standard and if he can't meet it, then don't see him anymore. You have to stand in your power. 14 says, Rachel, tell him goodbye. You deserve much better. Well, I don't know if she deserves much better. If she's not willing to make a stand for herself, when you make a stand for yourself, that's when you deserve better. When you're not making a stand for yourself, you deserve exactly what you get. Here's what I just said. For those who don't make a stand for themselves, you deserve exactly what you get. I know that, but Jonathan, we all deserve love. No, we deserve what we put our, we deserve what we make effort in. Ah, I get riled up. I was on a rant. Rachel says, thank you for answering my question. You've changed my perspective about many things and I will continue to work on being okay alone. I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship. How about I am single? I choose my best to choose joy and that's it. And when the right relationship shows up, I'm happy to engage. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Hey, beach lover is in the house. Thank you for the $5 super sticker. That means we have $40 more, wait, $40 more to go. Thank you so much. Oh, hey, John is in the house. Thanks for the $10 super sticker. And he says, are you having a good day? I hope you're having a good day. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. As I said earlier, why do I care about what other people do? Folks, ask yourself that question every time you're pointing the finger. Why do I care? I was gonna say jiggaloo, but that's not the name. Yeah, just go about your day. Do fun stuff with friends. Play, plan pools, spa days, museums, walks, luncheon. If you meet someone great, don't plan your day around a guy unless you have a solid date. Well said. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Annette says harsh truth. Annie says, I love the but Jonathan's voice. But Jonathan, you know, it's funny. I'm learning to practice not saying but to say and because when you say but, you negated everything, okay? This has become, many of you, by the way, have noticed that I have my way of saying things like but Jonathan or magic fairy dust or penis inside the vagina or occasionally cursing. These are all part of my, by the way, interestingly enough, this is only my persona when I shoot videos. I'm not this way, folks. I'm not really this way. When I'm in my interpersonal relationships, when I'm in a relationship with someone I'm actually much calmer, I rarely curse. I'm passionate about this subject. I'm fascinated with human behavior. I'm fascinated with human behavior. And nothing triggers our wounds, our wound of I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. Like dating. I mean, it fascinates me how dating and relationships trigger our deepest shit. I think we are on the precipice of a real expansion in human consciousness, particularly in the area of regulating our emotions. I think for hundreds, it's not thousands of years we have been repressed in this area. And I think this is now we're finally getting a chance to work on our emotional shit. And I'm here to be a catalyst for that to at least awaken consciousness. Because I'm not gonna blow smoke up your ass like a lot of my dating coaches. I know one guy promises an 83% success rate for getting you into a relationship. That is a crock of fucking shit. I think some make promises you'll get married with in a year. That is so not, I mean, for those of us in midlife that's another crock of shit to promise someone that. I don't promise anything. I do help with discernment. And when you are more discerning you can follow your intuition and your heart more. That's what I promise in my coaching. But I don't make any, well, and I know a lot of my videos sound like a promise, but by the way, I'm an equal opportunity judge of men and women alike. By the way, some of you think I have issues with women. I have issues with men. I have issues with women. I have issues with myself. Okay. Anyway. Hey, Deb says, I love when you rant so passionate, keep preaching. Thank you so much for the $10 super sticker. Wow, that means we're only $20 away from our goal tonight. Big hugs of appreciation. And Ani says, same here, Deb, love his rants. Love the rants. Sally says, Jonathan had a haircut recently looking sharp. I get my haircut every four weeks, by the way. By the way, these are pineapples on my shirt. These are pineapples. By the way, if you have a personal, you know what? If you have a personal question to ask of me, write the word personal question then post it there after. I'll spend these last few minutes answering anything you want on a personal level. You have to put the phrase in merch. Are you having a good day? I hope you're having, by the way, that's from a Seinfeld episode where Kramer is talking to Jerry about marriage. Are you having a good day? I hope you had a good day. Rachel goes on to say, yes, Jonathan, dating triggers what did I do or what didn't I do? Always racing thoughts and uncertainty ready to move on. I'm not getting what I want, so I'm not losing anything except seven months. You didn't lose seven months. Okay, folks, how we frame things makes a difference. How we frame things. These past seven months you've invested is for your own individual growth. You had to learn from this experience. Look at everything as a lesson, not as you didn't lose seven months. It took you seven months to learn this lesson. Okay, just don't keep doing it. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Barbara goes, how do you practice discernment without judging the other person if they are well, okay, judging another person is a negative perception about them. That's a judging another person versus just, oh, let me try to give an example. Wow, he's hung up on his ex-wife. Wow, he's really wounded. Wow, he's gonna be stuck, you know? So rather than just going, oh, he and I are just misaligned. That's all you have to say, but the minute you make it about the other person, instead of saying, we're just misaligned, you don't even need to give the reason behind the misalignment. We're just misaligned. But the minute you do it from a place of superiority, oh, they're beneath me, that's judgment. And I know, by the way, it's so subtle. We human beings don't realize how arrogant we can be with our thoughts and our perceptions, particularly in the area of superiority, because that's the ego's way of feeling better. When you can actually just do it without attachment, that's when I think it's discernment, okay? Personal question, Jonathan. How are you doing? How's your heart is tender today? I don't know if my heart is tender. It's interesting. Marie popped up in my Instagram the other day. She sent me a funny real or story about Colombians. And we used to make jokes because she's Colombian. We made jokes about it. And I sent her a funny meme about some days ago about dating. So this is just kind of our way of saying hi to each other. You know what's interesting? In the last month, I've had four women reach out to me on dating apps, okay? Four women reach out to me on dating apps. They wrote me first and I liked their profile and I wrote them back and then zero after that. Now I get dozens and dozens of, or not dozens, but each week I get dozens and dozens of messages on match.com, all the different dating sites, hi, how are you doing that sort of thing? But when a woman writes me a significant paragraph and then I write her back and they disappear, I'm like, God, it just fascinates me, human behavior. But I'm guilty of doing shit like that too. So who am I here to judge? How's my heart doing? You know, I have good days and bad days. I watched a fascinating movie Netflix series last night called Three Body Problem. And I was really getting into the concept of alien invasion. And it's not, even though it's a sci-fi, it's a fascinating story on Netflix. So, oh, but before that I watched two Turkish movies. Oh, okay, folks, on Amazon Prime, there is a great Turkish movie called In Your Dreams. In Your Dreams. Someone write that down. Amazon, In Your Dreams. It's a Turkish, I loved it. I actually watched it three times because I watched the parts of it three different times because I loved it. All right. Do you stream alone or is someone there with you in the background? No, nobody is background. Nobody, is anybody here? Nope, it's just me. I have a webcam, some lights, that sort of thing. Hey, Elena's in the house and gave us a $5 super sticker. I thank you. You deserve what you get, harsh but true. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Exactly. Again, if you have a personal question of me, write the word personal question. Wanda's in the house. I'm facing a health issue with cancer. I would like to start dating still. I just don't want to be alone anymore. Any advice? You know what? I want you to think about this. Would you, and I'm wondering, this is just a thought experiment, but would you want to date someone who's about to die in a month? Probably not, okay? Now I'm not suggesting you're dying or anything like that, but I would say the average person doesn't want, like I hear you women say all the time, I don't want to be a nurse, I don't want to be a purse, same for men, okay? My suggestion for you is to form a great group of friends and do activities where you're out amongst people. That would be the best solution for us. It's not about dating, because just remember the minute you tell, I mean, someone has to be in love with you to be able to accept cancer for the most part. Now it depends. If it's a curable cancer, probably not. I did date a woman that she told me she had cancer, she was getting recovery, and it wasn't an issue. But if it's something where it's terminal, I think then form a great group of friends and just be social from that perspective. Those are just some rough ideas. And again, if it's not terminal, then it's not really an issue. If it's something that's curable, then it's really just part of your medical makeup and you can just put yourself out there in any other format, just be honest with someone, just like you'd want them to be honest with you. Are you willing to accept someone with cancer? Maybe two people that have cancer, maybe go to a cancer support group and meet someone there. That might be another way of approaching it. Those are just some rough thoughts. Barbara giggles, yep, I'm totally judgmental, erical gal, okay, I'll work on the reframing. Okay, Barbara, I want you to know something because you have been on my radar because I've seen you on my channel. I really want to give you props for owning that. If you sincerely own that. Folks, I just want you to know something. Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this, Barbara. Bear with me a second, I'm opening up my Instagram and I want everybody to read this. Okay, this was a meme I posted the other day, Barbara. It said, why am I so, can you see that? Why am I so judgmental of people who are judgmental? I own it. I'm gonna say judgment is the mechanism for discernment, but we oftentimes, we have this interesting, our ego has this way of trying to make us feel better about ourselves by acting superior. In some ways it's the subtle things we say. By the way, you know what cracks me up? There's so much conversation about narcissism, narcissism and narcissism. Everybody is narcissistic. We have this, our ego plays with us. Do you know people pleasing as narcissism, being a martyr is narcissism, all this stuff is narcissism. We have a sophisticated way our ego tries to make feel better about ourselves by making ourselves superior than other people. By the way, sometimes the most empathetic people are the narcissistic people because they act so superior because I'm empathetic as an example. You'd be surprised how the ego fucks with us. That's why I say I'm dysfunctional just like everyone else because we're all human beings, we're flawed. That's what it means being human. The real journey of life I think is to find that inner peace with oneself. Personal question. Do you think that shopping together as a couple helps you bond in your life together? You seem to be open to that or you stand outside the shop awkwardly whilst she shops. You know, it's interesting. So Marie and I loved to go to Costco together. I like the company. I like her perception on things. I like the way she purchased. She loved to buy things in fucking bulk. I mean, I still, I think we still have all of the paper towels she brought from Chicago and that was a year ago and I'm being tongue in cheek. So sometimes she went shopping and I'm like, oh, you go do your thing. I do my thing. Sometimes I like doing it together. Do you know what I liked? I liked we did things as a team. I think that's the real problem with dating today is so few couples are becoming teammates with one another. That's just my observation. Some men hate that. That's okay. You don't have to like everything equally but I think what's the reason why folks this is not a dating book. It's called The Partnerships Charter. How to start outright with your new business partnership. You could just change the word business and romantic partnership. You could actually follow the principles here to learn how to become better partners with one another. There's a link below to get the copy of the book I recommend. Thanks for that personal question. I appreciate it. Rachel, Prime Movie In Your Dreams recommended by Jonathan and she spelled my name correctly. Thank you. And Barbara. Always great reframing the judging. Exactly. By the way, I sometimes look at women's profiles and I go, are you fucking that stupid to have that shitty of a dating profile? Here, let's be, oh God, I'm gonna be so mean right now. I'm gonna be so mean right now. This is judgment. Okay, this is our dating profile. I just wanna show it for a second. A big, gigantic picture of a child and her in the background. We men aren't looking to date your grandchildren. You don't need to put that in the dating profile. I'm like, that is really not smart for your first photograph. Put a quality picture of yourself, folks. Here's my first photograph on my dating profile, like Chris, quality picture of myself, okay? And I have judgment over that. And then Barbara, I go, God, I'm being a dick for judging her. I recognize that she's not, doesn't have very good common sense. And so I won't date someone with poor common sense. Anyway, that's, and by the way, I know she'll give me a rationalization why she put that as her first photograph, but I'm telling you, it's not an effective strategy. So Pat says, I disagree with your advice to the woman with cancer and the boy that was insensitive to respond with, who wants to be with someone who will die. Okay, folks, I'm not, this, by the way, let me be clear about that. I've heard this from women over and over and over and over and over again. I don't wanna be a nurse, I don't wanna be a purse. So I'm speaking to the judgments that I hear from women. I will tell you, I could ask 100 women this question, would you date a guy with cancer? And they'll be like, no, I don't wanna date someone to die. I'm just stating my opinion. I'm not being insensitive to her. Oh, certainly, I could be very sensitive. That's certainly true, but I wanna state this from a place of fact. This is a reality most human beings won't want to. That's just a fact. Again, I'm not here to diminish the pain and suffering someone might be going through if they're going through a possible terminal illness. I'm not here to, I'm not, again, I recognize the value of that. I'm just stating what I believe to be the facts. Very few people will take that on. So why not put together a circle of friends or join a support group and be around other people? That is, I'd like to think that's being more proactive than judgment of it. But I understand, Pat, that's how you felt, and I appreciate that, but that's not how I felt about myself saying that. Rachel says, do you believe that opposites, believe that the opposite of good exists? Evil, if so, how do you protect yourself from evil and negativity? I don't know if I believe in evil. I don't know if I believe in that. I believe that every baby is born inherently, well, no. Okay, I was gonna say every baby is born inherently good, but if the mother's experience significant trauma while she was carrying the baby, she experienced significant emotional trauma, that trauma could be imprinted on the child. I believe that. So a child isn't born, and then the imprinting of that child, how they were raised is going to inherently develop who they are as a person. So I don't even know if I inherently believe in good or evil per se. I don't believe, I don't know if that exists. I think, because then you'd have to assume good exists. Now, do I think, okay, do I think there are people that are trying to do their best? Absolutely. Do I think we human beings are flawed? Yeah, or not, I mean, we're human. We are riddled with insecurities. Do I think hurt people hurt people? Yes, but I don't know if I believe inherently in good and evil to begin with. I think there are acts that can be evil and there are acts that can be good, but I'm thinking inherently, I don't know if I believe in good and evil, but I mean, I'm gonna do a mushroom trip and maybe explore that one day. Thank you so much for that question. Jonathan said, correct on ego, narcissism, we are all got it. Let's keep going. Okay, I'm gonna come back to Pat. She says, do you really know what's good for a woman who has cancer? I'm not a doctor, I'm not a dating coach. I don't know how to support someone in that way. Believe me, I have friends who have had cancer, that wasn't easy to navigate for me. My mother had cancer, wasn't easy for me to navigate. I'm not an expert with that question. I'm talking about dating and relationships, okay? I'm not sure. I don't know how to console someone, Pat, but that's just my opinion on that one. Okay, Anna says, narcissism runs on a spectrum. Narcissistic is one thing to be extent to an extent can be healthy in terms of self-preservation. The difference is real narcissistic, real, okay. If you are with somebody, you could experience narcissistic abuse. But then again, do we have the power? The question is, do we have the power to walk away from a relationship that doesn't make us happy? That's the real question, right? Someone write that down. Do we have the power or have we given our power to someone else? And if we give our power to someone else, if we don't walk away from abuse, then the real question is, what are we going to do to heal ourselves? Instead of looking at them, what are we going to do? I'm saying collectively we. By the way, I'm not here to diminish or negate someone's experience of abuse in relationship. I'm not here to negate that, but the real, I guess the question is, how many people give their power away to another? Do you make a stand for your sovereignty? Because as we said before, we deserve what we accept. I mean, if we accept bad behavior, now again, there's always going to be the exception where, you know, physical violence is involved. Absolutely. But did you guys watch that movie with Julia Roberts where she accepted for two and a half years sleeping with the enemy? For two and a half years, she accepted abuse. That fucking sucked. And she finally made a stand for herself. Thank God she killed the motherfucker at the end. Excuse me, but she made a stand for herself. That's the real journey of life, is making a stand for your sovereignty. That's my opinion anyway. Rachel says, good observation about having a partner where you are a team. I deeply long for that type of relationship. Great, but don't long for it, desire it. There's a different, longing comes from a place of lack, desire comes from a place of empowerment. Sally says, that's nice, Jonathan. It sounds like Maria is still a very special person in your life. You know, folks, I don't think a day goes by that I'm not in a state of gratitude for the lessons I learned in that relationship and the things she brought to my life. I'm such a great state of gratitude. Beach Lover says, playing well with others is a huge plus, exactly. Sandy says, handsome photo, thank you so much. Rachel says, at least Jonathan, you own your meanness but you have a nice side. Folks, I'm gonna be kinder with you. I'm not perfect, can I be insensitive? Oh my God, do I stick my foot in my mouth a hundred times a day? Folks, if we don't own, if we don't observe, like so, let me come back to the cancer person. If I was insensitive, I genuinely apologized to her. That was not met Wanda. And I remember that was Wanda's question. I am truly sorry if I remotely seemed insensitive. I was just addressing the question. I recognize that we all desire some level of empathy when we're in pain, folks. You know, when my son passed away, I was on Facebook almost every day seeking sympathy because human beings can be so loving when you go through loss. And I was addicted to the sympathy, I was. But after a while, I realized that I was coming from a place of lack every time I was seeking sympathy. See, I wanna come from a place of empowerment. And while we can all have experiences, look at many of you have been so fucking gracious about the loss of my son. But he's been my greatest teacher in life in so many ways. Actually, both my boys are. My other son is a fucking champ of a human being. I am so grateful for his mother raising a fantastic human being. I wanna give props to his mother, Aaron, for raising both those boys when I was a train wreck after the divorce. Anyway, I can go on. But yes, I will own my insensitivity and I apologize if I offended you, Wanda. Wanda, let me know if I offended you. Each lover, would you reach out to people with a bad profile to help them? No, because it's not my place to do that. You know, you have to learn through your own experiences. By the way, why do you women bitch and complain about online? Okay, folks, here, another meme, ironically, beach lover. I just wanna bring this up. I love when shit like this happens. Okay, this was a meme I posted. People asked me, which is the best dating app? I say all of them. The problem isn't the apps. The problem is the people using them, okay? The reason why many of you are miserable in the dating realm, it's because you've put together shitty profiles. Okay, what's the difference? Okay, what's the difference between judgment and opinion, your thoughts? Well, judgment is needed for, judgment is needed for assessment, I believe. Judgment is needed for assessment. Opinions is just stating how you perceive something, okay? So judgments is how we get to assessing something. Opinions is our perception about something, okay? Judging usually, I mean, the word judging is the act of judgment. When we judge people, usually, now we could judge people like, wow, I just think she's a wonderful, I really am grateful that she helped support me in this singles mixer I did. Wow, she's a really good person. That's a good judgment. But there's also judging people from the attitude of superiority as if they are less than you. The minute you perceive someone to be less than you, you are judging them from a place of superiority, which is narcissism. That's just my opinion anyway. Oh, what was the movie I suggested? In Your Dreams, Amazon Prime, Turkish movie, In Your Dreams, Amazon Prime. Rachel says, if you have terminal cancer diagnosis, you can date, but in my opinion, it's better to plow time into your existing family and friends circle to ensure your strength and relationships. Yeah, I mean, dating is a fucking pain in the ass. I don't know if I'd wanna go through that. Okay, let me give you a perfect example. When my son passed away, I went on a date a month later. I was in no position to, when I lost my high-end corporate job, I was dating a month later. Dating when your life is in chaos, oftentimes is not the solution. It's the band-aid. I don't, I think we, now, listen, we're not, all of us, our life underneath us isn't 100% solid. But when you have chaos going on, I'm saying emotional chaos, I don't think it's, I think it's very difficult to establish something with somebody new when the ground underneath us doesn't feel very solid. Now, if the ground underneath you feel solid, that's the time to begin dating. And I would suspect women would want the same from men and men want the same from women. So thank you, Rachel. Another Rachel says, love you, Jonathan, so glad I found you, watch you every day. Thank you so much. All right, one of our Facebook, by the way, if you wanna speak to me on a regular basis, check out the link to my group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is one of our members who writes, what was the year of the movie you mentioned in your dreams or in my dreams? I think it's in your dreams. Oh, here, let's just look it up. I think it was 2022. By the way, you guys can look it up on, it's called in your dreams or in my dreams. You can look it up the year. Longing is yearning, is a yearning desire. I think longing comes from a place of lack. I think longing is a place of lack, desire comes from a place of empowerment. That's just my perception on that. Kerry wants to know if a marriage isn't strong, it doesn't help when the opposite sex comes in now that the listening ear, probably true. Rachel goes on to say, longing is an unfulfilled desire. That sounds probably true. Oh, here's a good one. The problem is when people confuse opinion with fact, oh my fucking God, oh my God, that is so true. You know what's interesting? Have you ever observed that news today is just opinion-based news? It's not fact-based news. It's all riddled with opinions, and opinions are just perceptions, okay? But the problem is most human beings see the news as fact. No, it's no longer fact anymore. A fact is this book, I'm holding up a book, that's a fact. That's not an opinion, okay? But a lot of today's, well, let me tell you about the, anyway, I'm just babbling here. Tina says, when I see a photo too good on a dating profile, I pass them up because right away, I think they are a scammer because I learn most of the time they are. You might not be, again, if that's what works for you, fine. By the way, that means you would have swiped past my profile, and I think I'm worthy enough for a relationship, Tina. Oh, thank you, you look handsome in your shirt. My last post is the IMD link to the movie Jonathan recommended. Oh, thank you so much, I appreciate that. Wow, we went for almost an hour and a half, I wasn't expecting that. Folks, listen, the psychology behind making a person chase you, there is a lot of dating rhetoric out there, designed to trigger the unhealthy parts of a human to make them chase you. I invite everyone to do individual work, personal development, self-help, and spiritual work so you can show up as your best self in a relationship. There's no such thing as fully loving ourselves, it's just the more we put effort into it, and the more we make a stand for our sovereignty, the greater chance we have for success. Let me just say this. Statistically speaking, we're all fucking doomed. But I mean to say we all die at some point, but most importantly, statistically speaking, you know what, the chances of a healthy, happy relationship statistically doesn't happen. This is why finding happiness within oneself is something within your control, and maybe those that do this inner work that I continually profess might attract another person who's done the inner work, and you can do it as a team together. That's the invitation. Is it a guarantee? Absolutely not. This is why we have to find our joy within our own curated lives, because you don't need to be married to be happy. Yes, I know a lot of people claim that they are happier because they're married. I'm not so sure that's the case. And here in the United States, we have an equal number of singles as we do married couples. So I'd like to hope that those singles aren't fucking miserable. And I know a lot of married people who are miserable. Oh, Tina says, it would be great if you'd consider not making those smacking sounds. You're asking me to change. Okay, so now here's the thing. Let me just pick on this for a second. I'm unaware I do it, and I can tell you that I am completely unaware I do that, okay? I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to shift my, this is such an involuntary thing I do. I recognize it bothers you, okay? And I'm sorry about that, but I'm a human being. I'm riddled with flaws, okay? Isn't loving compassion accepting those things we don't like in a person? Isn't that the most truest form of loving compassion is when we can accept the behaviors from another human being that drive us fucking crazy? That's the truest form of love. So I'd like to hope that those of you can accept that I'm human, I'm flawed, and my hope is you'd want me to do the same for you. And I hope you can do this for the people in your life because now I'm not here to suggest accepting bad behavior. I don't think my smacking my lips, if I do genuinely do that, is bad behavior, okay? Do you have any idea how hard it is to speak for one hour, extemporaneously, like what I'm doing? If you can do the exact same thing without smacking your lips, more power to you. I'm just a human being riddled with flaws. Anyway, that's just my perception there. Sally says, Jonathan, you seem great in one bounce, witty, smart, sensitive guy, keeping you, thank you. Sandy says, I never noticed you, but by the way, now that you notice it, you're gonna notice I smack my lips. Oh wait, Tina says, so you aren't perfect, good. Smack away, you look perfect though, thank you so much. Our Facebook friend says, I accept you the way you are, you are awesome, thank you. Well, so it's interesting, so not, by the way, coming back to Tina's point, it's interesting. So a lot of people didn't notice it and certainly I recognize you notice it and that's something that you are making a request of me and I'm here to say, I don't know how to change that. So can you accept that Tina, that I don't know how to change that, okay? People have asked me to stop cursing. I can change that, I could, but I don't choose to, okay? That's something I don't choose to do. The smacking of the lips is an involuntary thing and I recognize that that might affect you. I would invite you to look deeper as to why that might be the case. Remember when I said early in the broadcast, why do I care about that? What is it about that that makes you care about it? It'd be curious to, I invite you Tina to explore that for yourself, to go inward. And I appreciate this conversation, folks. This is how to have a grown up conversation, okay? Let's see if she's made a response to this. Anyway, that's just my perceptions. Anyway, and by the way, Gina, I don't appreciate your comment. By the way, she wasn't making an asshole comment. Okay, so by the way, I'm gonna judge that because that wasn't cool what you just said. That's judgment, okay? And that's not cool, okay? I don't believe in that. Let's be cool to one another, okay? Let's be cool to one another. She asked a question, did I appreciate it? Not necessarily, but it created a conversation and to explore how to view things in a different way. All right, now there's judgment for that person and I'm not appreciating that. And I don't appreciate the way you guys are treating her. That's not cool what you guys are saying. That's not cool. Anyway, oh, Tina says I have misophonia. That is the reason nobody knows the origin of condition. I don't see you as an asshole in any possible way. By the way, and I don't think that you're an asshole for asking that question, okay? Carrie says, Tina Marie, you're not in a relationship with Jonathan, if it does, why do you care? Again, this was an interesting dialogue. See, I actually, so folks, do you wanna see the pony in the shit? Human beings, by the way, social media brings out sometimes the worst in people. And when we're negatively judging another person, okay? So Carrie asked a valid question, why does she care? And Tina responded with why she cared. This is an interesting form of how human beings interact with one another, coming back to that conversation of judgments and desires and such like that. So, you know what, I'm blessed. I got to do a mushroom journey last weekend, last Friday, as a matter of fact, today's, woke up Saturday morning in so much gratitude for the 15 people that I journeyed with. And we explored nooks and crannies of human behavior and the evolution of life. And most of you know my favorite meme folks, you guys know my favorite meme. I'm gonna share it with you. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurities and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion with a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Folks, the meme is called I hate small talk meme. Type that into Google, you can get a copy of this. I look for the pony in the shit, as Rachel says. I look for the pony in the shit. Anyway, and Tina says, I'm telling because it will prevent me from possibly others from hearing Jonathan's videos. I recognize I'm not gonna be able to reach everybody. It's okay if this blocks, I understand, but I invite Tina, if it's blocking you to hearing what I have to say, then look inward. It's just an invitation to look inward of what other blocks might be blocking you from attracting the relationship you desire. These are all the questions that an introspective person looks at. They look at it from the eye perspective. I spent many hours being introspective and I think that's where the joy in life comes from. When we can laugh at our absurdity, so if I smack my lips, okay, it's the absurdity of life, of the human experience. I like to laugh, then judge, criticize or shame myself. At least I do my best in that realm. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up, folks. If you found value in this video, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you did find value, hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell if you can be notified of new videos. And if you wanna connect with me, check out the links to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to follow me on Instagram, to get the books I recommend, to get my dating vows all in the show notes below. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. Pat, the teddy bear pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Tina and Tina and McCoy and Carrie and Sandy and Gina and John and Sunshine and Beech Lover and Carrie and Tracy and Rachel, both Rachel's Mr. C. Beech Lover, I said that. Sherry, Elena, Sandy, everybody, big hugs. Thanks for being on. This was a lot of fun. Have a super duper wonderful fanta-