 Hey everybody Drew here that anxiety guide calm back again for another chapter of hope and help for your nerves with the lovely Holly Hey, hey Holly. How's it going? So today we are gonna talk about we quick recap if you're not following along with us reading the Claire What's week's book that Holly just held up? Hope and help your nerves go get the book It's cheap everywhere and follow along with us so we are going chapter by chapter sort of weekly kind of as best as we can and Today we're up to chapter 5 chapter 5 is entitled and this is probably exciting for a lot of people cure Cure of the commonest kind of nervous illness and we've talked about how dr. We call this nervous illness the old-fashioned like an old-fashioned term, but she does specifically use the word cure So maybe we should talk about that for a minute like what you know I know everybody's gonna get really excited when they hear that we're talking about a cure But maybe we should qualify that to a certain extent Yeah, I mean cure kind of suggests it's more of an illness in a traditional sort of sense of the word and it's like a Like a cure like here's the magic cure and you'll never get that illness again Which it sort of is but it isn't I don't know No, it's it's true and I think people are always looking for a cure, you know, they want to be cured I want this to stop. I want this to go away. I never want this to happen again So they start to start to look at anxiety and panic issues as something that you would try and Knock down like as if you had the flu or you had, you know An actual physical disease of some kind where you can cure it with some sort of medication or change something about your body And it never and it just goes away forever, and I think that might be a bit of a misnomer here I'm not sure yeah, you know that that's what we're talking about when you accept the fact that you're being Being kept sort of ill by your own actions Then it makes much more sense saying it's a cure because you have to change your actions and your Reactions in order to cure yourself. So once you once you accept that you are sort of Unwillingly sort of doing this to yourself in the first place without meaning to of course Then once you can accept that then you can sort of like learn How not to do that to yourself and in that sort of sense of the word is a cure Yes, that's very true, but it's a different kind of cure. So it's really important to keep that in mind There's no magic wand in the book here. That's gonna magically make it all just go away There's you know So the word cure should be probably be taken with a bit of a grain of salt here But that is the way she entitles the chapter cure of the commonest kind of nervous illness So it's a tiny little chapter in the book. It's literally a wage On my phone I have to flip maybe three times and the Kindle app to read the whole thing, but it's tiny Yeah, that's it. It's so small, but it is actually the foundation upon which her whole Philosophy is built. So I think it deserves its own 20 minutes or so. So we'll go through it Because she lays out the four her sort of four cornerstones I guess we can call them of how to get through these these issues and how to get past them how to learn to Master them and how to learn to live a normal life again So I guess let's talk about it, you know, you know with a good note. It's too simple for me. Let's talk about that Yeah, yeah Well, she says that lots of people that will read the book will say when they read the four things of what you're supposed to do They're just like this is far too simple for me. Obviously. I'm suffering it much worse than anyone that is this book Is meant for so therefore it's going to take something much more drastic to cure me and she says like it isn't And just because it's simple it doesn't mean that it's easy Like just because these four things that you do it sounds so simple and you say what it what you're supposed to do But it simplicity doesn't mean that it's easy. That's two different things. That is a hundred percent correct I say it all the time. It's a really simple plan, but it could be really hard to execute Because of what it takes so I guess we'll get into it She talks about her principles of treatment and it's such a simple plan that she talks about four things And they are facing accepting floating and letting time pass and each one of those things We could probably talk for an hour about easily Because each one is its own skill that you have to first understand what it is and then start to learn actually how to do it Consistently and with good results. So I think the biggest Issue here that most people have when they they start to look at this and well, this is what I have to do Is that it is exactly 180 degrees Opposite of what you think you should be doing so we should probably touch on that because Ed is that is a huge impediment to many many Many people completely counterintuitive when you first get started with this completely Yeah, absolutely because the whole the whole life So like she she she sort of like says it as well in the book She goes through how a person ends up doing the complete opposite So she says like let's look at the person that she described in the previous chapter like the typical sufferer of nervous illness and so They become first of all they become like unduly alarmed by their symptoms And so they start like listening into like their heartbeat and checking that they're still breathing and questioning exactly what everything in their body what's happening to them is and and so like They end up tensing against it and sort of trying to fight the feelings because they don't want to feel the feelings And so they tense against it and they try and like fight it or they completely try and distract themselves We all know lots of people use distraction Sort of techniques to sort of get through which can be handy in the short term, but long term It doesn't really help Because if you're distracting yourself from it You're running away from it and so the whole first principle is the facing And if you're not if you're trying to fight it or you're trying to if well If you're running away from it, then you're not facing it And so like that's like the first thing that you're doing wrong I don't think facing is an interesting sort of dichotomy if you will because we become so Overly sensitized to everything we think and feel when we're in that elevated anxiety state all the time that we're constantly Listening like you said we're keenly aware of every sensation in our bodies. We're hypersensitive to all of it We're hyper vigilant for changes. We're just ruminating on every thought we have we're engaging in inner diet inner dialogue yet Even though we're listening in and watching and feeling so much We're not actually really facing it as crazy as that sounds so we're keyed in on everything that we're feeling But we're not really facing it so I think we're listening in and watching we're on guard so that we can run Yeah, yeah, so we're watching yet. We're not facing and I think to me I think facing is the hardest part of this because it's the part where you say Okay, I'm just gonna let it come at me here and I'm not going to try and run away from it And that's where courage comes in and most people I could talk about courage all day long It's just part of the equation. You can't not you have to have some in order to get through this It's just the way it is and I think I always try and remind people that being courageous or being brave isn't about not being afraid It's about being afraid, but doing it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so people always say well, I'm not brave at all I'm terrified well like brave people are terrified a brave person, right faces their fear and and you have to always remember that the Facing is so difficult because of the need to summon up courage But in the end nobody here dr. Weeks you I nobody is asking anyone to face a real danger No, right. We're not asking actually gonna happen. That's exactly right And it's so how you have so important to remember that no one cuz sometimes we talk about these things when I talk about these things people like You're crazy. There's no way like how could you make me do that? So well, we're not really making you do anything and nobody's asking you to stand up to a loaded gun or walk through fire There's really no actual danger here So I think that's why facing is important But the hardest part and if you can't get into facing you can't do the other three so facing it also It's not as hard as you think it is like you kind of it's almost doesn't take more courage It just takes a different sort of like Sort of way of thinking like I remember when I was still sort of like quite Sketchy and scared of flying, you know, like I never had like a full phobia of flying I just obviously had really bad panic attacks of being on a plane wasn't sort of ideal when you're having a panic attack But like I used to sort of like do it anyway And I'd be sat on the plane like so tense just like God I've got to get through this and then I get to the end of it Oh God, I made it and it's just like well, of course you made it You could have sat there and just enjoyed a gin and tonic and watched a film and got that It's exactly the same flight. Nothing different would have happened because I'm sat there tense, you know what I mean? So like me just going like oh, yeah, I'm feeling tense But I'm sure it will pass it's very different to sort of sitting there going like oh God I'm feeling so tense, but I'm sitting on a plane. It's exactly the same. Nothing different happens You just feel better. No that Holly That's really an excellent excellent point because guess what you're gonna face it anyway So your heart is gonna race your heart is gonna race So it's gonna happen no matter what and like you said the flight would have happened no matter what you did So whether you slept the whole way through or you were in a complete panic the whole way through this the same thing was going to happen So that's a really really strong point when it comes to that thing where you have to decide you're gonna face the things that you are afraid They're gonna be there with you anyway The only thing I think people the opposite of facing becomes avoidance So I'm gonna try and stop feeling like that at all. I don't want to feel like that at all and That becomes a problem. I think that's the biggest impediment to truly facing what you're doing is I'm just gonna do whatever I have to do to make sure I never feel this way and well Then you wind up with a really shrunken lifestyle and restrictions and things that nobody likes so Yeah facing you have to actually face it as opposed to face it. You can't avoid it. I can't run away from it That's the way it's gonna have to be so number two that she talks about is accepting Which I think there's a subtle difference between facing and accepting but there is a difference Yeah, so she uses the example of like not accepting as being the like Fighting it, you know, like if you're So you like she like yeah, if you're so I think you're not facing it if you're running away And you're not accepting it if you're trying to fight it, you know, and it's sort of like the same thing But I guess you could like You can maybe call like the facing the running away thing like the distraction and then like the fight in it Just so I'm sitting here and I'm feeling awful and I don't want to feel awful I guess it's a sort of fight in it and you're like it's taking all my strength to get through this And it's just like actually if you just did nothing and just let it happen It would take less strength and it would pass quicker and that's what you that would help you much more in the long run You know, like that's the Accepting that is true. Okay bring it on also like if you you dare it like What really helped me is when I started like, okay I'm like a seven. Let's take it to a 10, you know, like come on do your worst And as soon as you can accept it like that, I mean the anxiety goes whoa Yeah, go to a 10 That's very true. I think accepting it really means truly. I mean the word is obviously accepting but not only is it not fighting But it's truly Deciding okay, I am gonna believe this rationally even though emotionally. I won't that this is okay. It's actually normal It's totally harmless and even though it doesn't feel that way. I'm gonna accept that to be true So you have to start from that premise. So facing would be don't avoid it You know go into the situations that are gonna make you anxious and afraid and panicky and then accepting is Don't go in it and just trying grit and white knuckle your way through it You're not powering your way through it You should just be calmly moving through time as it goes past and you said whether you do something You do nothing what I usually say is well when a panic attack happens You could do something or you could do nothing and nothing is always faster than something So right so if you can truly do nothing then you are absolutely Accepting and knowing that well this is gonna pass no matter what I do and the less that I fight the faster will pass So yes, that's exactly what that is So I think that's a tough one to people don't you know, they can't be you they don't accept it because It just seems incredulous that you would be asked to do that like what do you mean have to accept it? Maybe that's a bad word like I'm not gonna accept this in my life. I don't want it in my life I won't accept it, but it's not accepting that way. It's it's not like gay. Yeah, I love this. It's It's accepting like okay I'm just gonna accept it for what it is give it no more You know weight than what it is and just let it be there and it won't hurt me So that's what accepting. I think it's all about. Yeah. Yeah, and it's the opposite of fighting So we should move on to floating because I think this is this is probably the weirdest one Once you get it it's so good though. Yes, but it's the weirdest one for people They think to put their brains around a little bit to me Everybody interprets it a little different. I interpret floating is almost exactly what the word is So this is also the opposite because if you're you're gonna face it So you're not gonna avoid it. You're gonna go into those panicky situations You're gonna accept it by not fighting it and how do you not fight it? You float So floating is how you accept it. That's the way I look at it Yeah, to me it's it's sort of just I took it as like just don't think about it. Don't just you know Just like don't even think about it when I was Quite having a bad time at the beginning of this pregnancy I was feeling really bad and I was like, you know, getting stored up and stored up in the house That's a weird way to put it. I was not going out of the house And um And I just knew I needed to get out and I wanted to go swimming because I wanted to like keep doing Exercise and sort of feel quite healthy and stuff and so the pool is like on the other side of town It's completely walkable, but I was just like, oh, I don't know and I'd be like this big build-up Like could I actually leave the house to go to the swimming pool and I was just like, oh, do you know what? I'm just not gonna think about it. I'm just gonna Walk out the door like almost in like a sort of days and just walk down There's just one sort of step at a time But like I wasn't even thinking about it just and then before I knew it I was at the swimming pool before I knew it. I was then literally floating Yeah, because she has a really nice bit it will move on to in another chapter But when she talks about the floating in more detail, she Says like sometimes people like to imagine it as like sort of walking through deep Deep cool water and I would just be in the pool just like, oh, I totally get what she means Like literally it is sort of just like floating just don't think about it Just keep going and just you know, let whatever's happening happen and just carry on sort of thing, you know It's not like a carry on it's just a carry on Yeah, and I think if you can face and you can accept then only can you learn to float So floating does incorporate accepting, you know, I'm just gonna accept that it's here I'm not gonna fight it and I think floating is where the actual skill comes in To me facing and accepting are more mental like, okay I'm going to decide to put myself in that that anxious situation like going to a supermarket or whatever it is You know accepting is also a mental thing. Okay, I'm gonna it's a frame of mind But floating are where the actual skills come in So like you said moving through cool water Not thinking about it, but that's a skill You have to learn how to let your thoughts come and go without engaging them You have to learn how to breathe properly. You have to learn how to relax your muscles You have to learn how to do stay in the moment You have to learn how to take one step at a time Like you said walking to the pool had a deliberately slow everything down when all you want to do is run like crazy So this is where floating is the mechanics to me of a lot of the mechanics of exposure and CBT are in floating This is what you learn to do that. Like I'm gonna let the thought Oh my god is going to come in my head, but I'm not going to answer it I'm just going to let it go out to you exactly a lot of it for me is about like not engaging with it So like like because I think a lot of the time people have As much problems as they have with their physical symptoms It will be like the thoughts that they're having sort of like intrusive thoughts So, you know, like you get these anxious thoughts like oh my god And what if this and what if that and what if that and you try and people make the mistake of trying to answer those questions So whether they try and reassure themselves or they seek reassurance from someone else Even if you're trying to reassure yourself and go like no no that can't be the case because of logic and this and that You're still engaging with the answer. It's like a sort of annoying child saying like hey Tell me this tell me this and you're going like well this this and they just keep asking and keep asking And if you actually ignore them Then they'll eventually like stop and so like it's about that sort of disengagement It's just like I'm not going to answer this this question You know, I'm not so you're like I was trying to think if you like try and Make the thought that you're having into a question and then you just let it sit there But you don't answer it. You don't try and reassure yourself. You don't try and go. Oh, yeah, maybe it is, you know, you just go like Fair question not gonna answer it. Yeah. Yeah, ask. I'm gonna think about it That's very hard. Yeah, and that's really hard to do I think it's the hardest part because that's a mental skill Whereas some of the other skills that being able to find tension in your body and release it or Be able to slow down your physical movement become deliberate stay in the moment There's a thing called walking meditation that sometimes helps knowing how to breathe those are physical skills You have to learn and practice you have to practice But the the mental skill of I call it the inner dialogue Just do not have an inner dialogue with yourself. Like you said do not answer yourself So it's important though to understand when people say, you know, what do you mean? Don't think about it. How can I not think about it? Well, you can think about it Go ahead and think about it. Like it's okay to have that thought that says yeah, don't try and stop Right, don't don't try and stop but it's okay to think what if I'm having a heart attack this time What what if this time it's really something wrong? You can ask that question in your head. Just don't just don't respond Yeah, and let the question be asked a million times in two minutes if it has to be just don't answer Do not just let your just be quiet Yeah, because it doesn't care what the answer is it will keep coming back. Otherwise, exactly right there is no answer Other than not to answer. That's the only way to do it and I think uh in terms of practical things Which I'm sure will touch on down the road as we get into the specifics learning basic meditation skills are huge here And really and for many people meditation is the act or the skill of learning to quiet your mind and your thoughts on demand So if you can learn to quiet your mind, not only will it help you here But it has benefits in a lot of other places whenever, you know, when the shit's hitting the fan pardon my french around here You know my business or whatever I have learned to just Stay quiet and calm and wow what a difference that makes in life not just in this So you said you become a superhero. So learn this learn. Oh, yeah, when you learn these things Like nothing is very difficult. Is it once you've got yourself better from this exactly right? Oh God life is so easy. Oh the building's on fire. All right. No problem. We're gonna get let's get up and walk out How's that? So, you know, you just you it does get a little bit better So floating is huge floating is huge and the last one Letting time pass. This is a tough one for me. I'm impatient. I think everybody If you're especially if you're suffering on a daily basis, you're anxious all the time you're panicking everywhere You're stuck in your house. Maybe you become agoraphobic, you know Being patient is the last thing you want to do. I get I totally get that you want to be better today but Unfortunately, that doesn't work that way I think as soon as I sort of realized that that like trying to do these things like face and accept and float in were Like practicing I'm a musician. So I know all about practice if I sit down at the piano I try and play something and I can't play it. I get immense satisfaction out of just doing it again and again and again So eventually I can play and I'm like, oh, I never used to be able to do that and now I can that's amazing So I like really enjoy practice And like I really admire like I'm just know how much practice does, you know And so as soon as I sort of like saw it as practice, it just made a lot more Sense and so it makes sense that of course, you're not going to like, oh, right I know that I've got to accept face and float now. That's fine. I'm better It's just like you're not going to be better. You can't just sit down and go like, oh Well, I heard that bait over in peace and now I can play it No, you're going to have to practice and practice and practice it right until you're Until my fingers are doing it without my brain even knowing, you know and so you Because in in like neuroscience as well the more You sort of do something a certain way your brain wires it that way And unfortunately when you're suffering this nervous sort of suffering Your brain's wired itself to react in this In the bad way in the opposite way to what you need to be doing Yes, and so you have to work extra hard to try and change to go to the opposite But the more that you do it, they say firing is wiring And so every time it fires that way it starts to like rewire itself That's why people who have had like Severe brain injuries and stuff like that. They have to relearn how to walk or to talk and stuff But eventually they do and then eventually like the brain finds a different route and rewires. It's very Clever It is the human brain is incredibly adaptable. It's ridiculous really. It's very adaptable. Yeah, and I think sadly We have to acknowledge the fact that you can learn and I say this all the time that I think anxiety disorders and panic disorder Agoraphobia, these are really cognitive and learning problems. I like that to call them illnesses They're really just cognitive learning Their bad habits is what they are their bad cognitive habits The bad news is that the way we come wired from the factory you can learn to be afraid of a trip to the supermarket Within 10 minutes. You can develop that phobia very quickly Sadly, you can't undevelop, you can't it's because our brains are so adaptable and plastic but They but unfortunately it takes longer to unlearn it than it does to learn it It's just maybe the survival instinct is wired in us very strongly, but but you can unlearn it So totally and it just takes a tremendous amount of practice So what I try and tell people all the time is that every every time you practice that Even though you may think it's a failure if you did engage the process and you worked those four steps and you worked your skills You did make some step forward. You really did So even when you sit down at the piano, even the third or fourth time you try that piece You still can't play it, but you did make some progress So even if it sometimes feels like you go backwards a little bit like it doesn't matter You know actually like it's it's still come it will you have to just keep going forward and practicing and practicing You can't go like oh, I went backwards and I didn't play that is quite as well this time as the last time I better stop playing it. It's just like no then you keep playing it even more, you know and um and like so I think people make the mistake as well of thinking that like Every time they don't feel anxiety or don't have a panic attack like oh brilliant I haven't had a panic attack for two weeks. You know, this is fantastic. It's like Yeah, but you've not done any practice in that case. Yes, that's right So like oh, I haven't played the piano for two weeks. So I haven't made any mistakes Like yeah, but you've also not learned how to play the piece though. Have you That is such an important part of the concept of letting time pass I think being patient and there's also being tenacious Practicing all the time But if you're not willing to let time pass so that and be willing to practice You have to you have to almost invite the anxiety in because it's not People want to claim victory if they didn't feel anxious and that's great. You don't want to feel anxious Oh, yeah, it gives you a break. It does exactly but this doesn't that doesn't necessarily solve the problem You're better off to feel anxious and work the process and practice But I think that's kind of letting time pass at the macro level where Maybe if you're stuck in the house, it might take you a few weeks or a month or something A practice to to be comfortably get out of the house again, but at the micro level I think if you look at one specific, you know, either panic attack or episode of high anxiety letting time pass Is is germane there too? So yeah, within the context of a given panic attack You the natural instinct is to want to stop it instantly in its tracks But you especially if you're in full-blown panic, that's not going to happen once the adrenaline is dumped Sorry, it's going to have to run its course So you have to be able to float and let time pass for those six seven ten minutes, whatever it is And just accept that it's going to take just like I'm going to feel pretty crap for the next 20 minutes So I'm just going to like take it easy while whilst this panic not like to try and stop this Panic attack that sometimes the difference between those distraction techniques is that Like people use the color in books or something So they might say like if I color in then I won't be thinking about my anxiety So it might go away, but if you sort of like switched it and went like I'm just going to color in whilst I feel anxious Just because it's you know something to do It's something to pass the time Whilst I'm feeling anxious. I'm going to do this, you know in the meantime I'm going to do this then That's it sounds like a really subtle difference, but I think it's like a really big one It's like it's not I'm not going to color to to try and stop having a panic attack It's like I'm going to just color whilst I'm having a panic attack That's a very big difference It is a huge difference. It's subtle, but it's huge and it combines I think accepting and floating You can use the coloring book if you want as a tool to help you learn to float As long as you're truly accepting that what you feel is normal natural and won't hurt you So as opposed to using the coloring book isn't saving you So as long as you're not thinking that the coloring book is going to somehow save you from something that need you need to be rescued from Then go ahead and color, you know color Play an online poke, I play online poke Whatever that's fine, and I think we will all develop our own Repertory I guess but you just you just have to be really cognizant of the fact that those can become safety behaviors like If you get to the point where you feel like if I don't have that coloring book with me I'm in trouble. You can't ever get to that point. So It doesn't save you it's just it's literally just something to do whilst you're having a panic attack Yes, just let the time has to pass so just might as well color or play cards or whatever Honestly now if I feel myself getting anxious, I'm just like oh, maybe I could play poker because I'm feeling a bit crappy So it's kind of a nice excuse. It's a reason to play a game. That is so funny bad habits come out Oh, honey. I lost last month's rent by poker, but whatever All right, so I mean that's it Those are the four tenants that she talks about facing accepting floating and letting time pass in this little tiny two page chapter of the book But it's may be the most important chapter. I'll probably say that in every chapter So just bear with me. I guess but these are the four tenants and just you know to recap I think we're looking at fading facing and accepting as sort of mental constructs frame of mind constructs Floating are the actual skills that you need to learn to deal to relax into your anxiety and panic as opposed to fighting it Or you know just enduring it and then letting time pass is mental also It's just being patient at the micro level during a panic attack and being patient at the macro level as your life begins to improve at a big scale Yeah, it occurred to me when I was making the notes for this chapter just now I As I was sort of like reading the like, okay, you mustn't fight it and you mustn't run away from it It's just like oh, that's kind of like Everyone knows the fight or flight like the words fight or flight that you get with the adrenaline And so it's kind of like it's an easy way to remember what you're not supposed to do Don't flight. Don't fight. Very good. Yes. Don't run away. Don't fight So like because sometimes the hardest bit is to remember what you're supposed to be doing when you're panicking because everything just goes Sure. Sure. So it's like trying to hang on to those little pieces of like just like fight and flight Okay, don't fight and flight then That means and then you can break it down. Like what does that mean? Okay? Don't run away from it. So don't distract yourself from it and don't fight it Don't tense up against it. Don't try and not feel it You know, yeah, just relax and just help try and remember what to do in the next time fight or flight. Don't fight Don't fight. I like it. That's really good. That's actually really good. So I think we pretty much covered it We're going to talk about this a lot as we go forward because in the next chapter she I mean she really kind of the next chapter is like the cure for your recurring, you know Or you're always present symptoms. She sort of takes you through the lots of the symptoms and sort of how you can sort of Learn to just face that particular symptom, you know, like how she sort of like takes away the mystery of the I mean she can't hit every symptom But I think she uses certain symptoms as examples of what to do and she will look at it chapter The next chapter is she's addressing the constant symptoms So when you're always in that elevated level of anxiety, maybe your stomach is always kind of rumbling or your heart rate seems like it's elevated all day long So she looks at that and then in the chapter after that She actually looks at how to how to address a panic attack. I mean she calls it something different But so she's looking at sort of that generalized background anxiety and then in the chapter after that She talks about how to deal directly with I am flipping pages virtually a recurrent of nervous Attacks so like 1950s, but yeah, so Excuse me. I'm having a nervous attack. Thank you. I do believe I have the vapors, but So anyway, she breaks it down into two different things that the kind of sort of the background anxiety And then an actual panic attack or what she calls a nervous attack So in the next two chapters, we'll look at those things and I'm sure there'll be a lot more detail on the Facing and accepting and floating and letting time pass. So Anything else? Are we good? I think we're good. Yeah, we are good. We're good. All right another one in the books Yes, time pass. Yes, don't fight. Don't fight. Don't fight That's really good advice. So we uh As always comments questions, whatever you can if you're watching on youtube Just comment right in the video and you know, maybe if you're watching on youtube, I don't like the video I never ask people to do that. You're supposed to I'm like the worst youtuber in the world I don't ask anybody to subscribe. I don't ask anybody to like so. Yeah, like and subscribe. I guess and Point to like the banner that you're gonna be right, you know, well, we'll link it in the description That's what all the cool kids do. I'm not cool. What am I gonna say? So um Yes, if you're watching on youtube go ahead and comment I will check in on there once in a while twitter at that anxiety guy facebook that anxiety guy I'll make sure holly's it on all of that stuff and I guess that's it. We'll see you guys next time All right. See you later. Oh Oh, no, now I have to actually end the recording. This is the awkward part where drew has to find the The recording end. All right. Bye