 Some women talk to men from a place of Emotional or intellectual superiority and it sets that precedent and that's what makes him defensive because now he feels like oh What you challenging you're challenging me and you're expecting the worst out of me simply because what I'm black Right and and that's been a lot of men's Expectation so my only kind of argument has been if men are Expected and and are being asked to have grace for women and Have an understanding do our due diligence to understand all the intricacies of what the woman has been through Even her natural cycles and a whole nine and how that affects her disposition There needs to be that work done from the female delegation for men I'm hearing from men that that's not the case women are assuming that they've already done the work But they are doing the work for them and I think a perfect example of this If if I was to ask a group of women You know, why are you or your female friends? single Most of them would say I don't know right Stacy's a lawyer Elizabeth is a doctor The other one owns a business you see what I'm saying and As a guy what I understand is oh your friends are great men Because you're evaluating them from a feminine curriculum for men and not acknowledging that the way that men are going to evaluate them It's a different set of rules. We don't give a shit that she makes six figures. What's she look like? We don't give a shit that she's a doctor. What's she look like? What's her disposition? What is the skin like and and I think that's what gets lost in this in this conversation because We're assuming that our curriculums are the same. I was gonna say that too because I feel like the most Challenging part of this entire conversation for me is the rigidity in these roles Which everybody can everybody has their own preferences and how they approach relationships I think it's natural for it to take a stance on that so that you can be you can bring your best representative when you are Out in the world dating and things like that now. We'll say like it sounds Hello ghetto In the dating war right now, and I feel for y'all and saying that I feel like the rigidity of these Expectations though is really what the cause of all this like that the cynicism and even the What it sounds like is just you know men feeling very Or men feeling powerless to this like men don't know how to bask in their feminine energy I think I think if I think that the We cannot today in 2023 have the same traditional Values and approaches to relationships as we have in the past because things are so different And so to still come to the table with those traditional values You're kind of already setting yourself up, but at the same time I Think that expecting those values from people who don't even present that is also kind of like self-sabotage as well Like I mean I don't I don't I don't when you when you were talking about like the women in their their jobs I don't see that as masculine I just see that as the way that they have expressed themselves in the world to achieve what they wanted That's the point I was making wasn't necessarily saying that that's masculine It was just a point of value system, right? So the things that those women assumed made them more valuable in the dating market Actually doesn't move the needle for them at all Sometimes it actually makes things more difficult You're saying that same old because he's the doctor or lawyer those are like those masculine qualities or things that No, what I'm saying is Unfortunately, I think a lot of times when we talk about Entitlement we talk about men right he Expected me to give him some butt because he bought me some flowers, right? However, women also have a sense of entitlement And some of that entitlement is I am this caliber of woman. I I'm entitled to a good man I have this type of position or education I'm entitled to a good man and what that stops them from doing is considering some of the Personality or character flaws that they have because they're just leading with I'm this and I've achieved this I graduated from Harvard. I did this and I did this How don't I have a good man without acknowledging or even taking the time to identify the fact that? You're terrible to be around That's like you're not a you know, you're not a good person like taking a woman. Who's the CEO of a company? We'll dig the janitor. Hmm But let's be for real. What's the problem with what why is that that's her preference and there's no problem You know, there's no problem. That's what she likes. It seems like it's a lot of What you guys want is for women to be more sensitive to a Man no, no, no what what I would say is there's absolutely just like the ebony Kay Williams thing I don't expect that it did a bus driver. That doesn't make sense What I'm saying though is if she then gets back on TV and says that why am I not having luck with men? She has to look at herself. That's it. So my thing is if you are a woman who's high achieving high earning the whole nine should you date a man who's less than you shorter than you makes less money than you Absolutely, not. I believe everybody's entitled to their preference. However Do not expect to get what you feel like you're quote-unquote old because if you haven't done the work to even figure out What the thing that you want wants if we want a certain job, right? I want to work for Google I go on Google's website. I read the job description I even try to see if I can set up coffee dates with people who work for Google So I can get a sense of what Google is looking for because I'm not entitled to a job at Google Similarly what I'm asking of our more successful sisters is take time to learn What that guy that you claim you're entitled to actually wants because you'll be surprised that the thing on your resume that you Thought should have got you in the door Google doesn't care about and the thing that you might have been neglecting the bit of experience or the bit of The community service thing that you should have done. That's actually what would have got you the job And I feel like that's the disconnect a lot of times between Absolutely excellent explanation of What is lacking? But if you took out women and put just men in there it is both genders absolutely to do that And I can say I just I feel like men want to Grab those men that are you know, not at the CEO and the lawyers level they need to Bring themselves down and understand that okay if this is not what's wanting to pursue me right now Then I need to pursue elsewhere and I need to stop expecting this woman to Work on herself so she can be ready for me I need to work on me so that I can be I can be on her radar. She can see me so it's like Excellent point, but Let's go to her real quick we're trained to look at it from that perspective when you train to learn some gets Yeah, now you don't learn it get trained to learn something else I get that but what I'm saying is that if the world has a view that If I'm a CEO of a company, right? And then a woman is attracted to me because I'm a CEO of a company Maybe she's a CEO right what I'm saying to you is no different from the celebrity realm people date with inside of it That particular realm right so what I'm saying to you is that instead of dating on those particular Realms why not date based on who's the best outfit for you? The janitor could be the best outfit right but in your mind you're thinking that this is less Valuable but this could be the one for you versus. I've got a date Dazzle Washington because I'm Holly Berry The point that I'm making is you can see it fails over and over again. You got plenty of examples Date the celebrity doesn't guarantee the success of a happy relationship It doesn't show somebody that has equal amount of value financially doesn't equate to a successful relationship But it's at the top of people's pride. It's at the top of people's priority But the thing is that's people continually blinding themselves by that illusion. That's not a real reality The reality is if you're looking for a love me Then it should be looked at differently, right? It should be looked at differently not just from the perspective of what do I have? That I can give to someone else and what do they have that they can give me right? You see at the end of the day, it's about love no matter how you break it down Finances don't equate to love so if you're dating based on What I have and what I can provide right? Then you're setting yourself up for failure at the end of the day I was just chuckling because like when you were talking about Like okay for me like y'all need to date to value like to value to like if you work At McDonald's like okay Maybe I'll need to go for the CEO or the owner of your McDonald's And it just made me think of Kevin Samuel's guy risk his soul, and it makes me think of You know the man he passed away so guy risk so but I'm just saying like to me Like we were talking about earlier like these buzzwords like another buzzword is a high value man or a high value woman like Like I said, I really didn't have anything to chime in but to me just hearing like how you were talking like okay Kevin Sam feels to say well like okay. Well You're a size 10 and you want to see yo and you think he's gonna look at you Was I think like I want to see oh would go for it We need to understand that it's not there's nothing that's just Fundamentally an issue with just this gender or just that gender. It's I think I think there's some overlap, but just like I said just like we need different things we have different problems There are some problems. They're unique to men There's some problems that are unique to women and all I'm asking for is like space for us as men to be able to air our grievances to y'all I mean, I mean on the on the macro right because even in my experience doing what I do There is a lot of resistance and I think that resistance is based on women's Idea that they are Inevalent right like most women say that they can be naturally Feminine or submissive and then they say if Which means condition yeah, right While expecting that on our first date I'm opening the door for you if some dude jump out with a gun. I'm jumping in front of it So it's like my masculinity. I said masculine entity My masculinity it should be initial, but yours should be conditional and that's one of the grievances man I think that's just across the board. I think honestly I to be very honest I don't think anybody on earth like unfortunately. I don't think we've sort of kind of grasped Like unconditional or like conditional that and for me I'm speaking from like a spiritual perspective like I know I believe that God loves unconditionally like if he says in If it says in the word, there's nothing that I can do that was is that it will separate me from God's love Like that means there's nothing like even the worst thing that I did my to myself that makes me a love myself Like to God, that's nothing but to people like we don't do like we like oh man You made me mad like like it isn't me and I might not love you any less But it's like you right like you made me mad So I think that's just like a human thing like we hold ourselves like we are bound to condition Like like I don't think it's a bad thing either But I'm just saying like I like again, I feel like we're sometimes we make the same argument Like I but we be saying the same thing. I'll say one of one of the unique things that men are concerned about and put it that way Because men weren't the ones begging for women to become masculine women becoming masculine is a consequence of Men's failings, you know women circumstances But men weren't asking for women to become masculine with that being said Women now to your point are asking for men to become more soft and feminine and as you put it in touch with our feminine sides So with with that being said I think one of the difficulties like if I'm thinking as a younger dude like For instance, I'll use this analogy the one of y'all play a guitar. Have you ever played a guitar before? Okay, one of the tough things about playing guitar is that it'll hurt the shit out of your fingertips You have to build calluses over time to be able to play guitar So with that being said or use a pick, but if you really want to get good You gotta you know use your fingers and with that being said over time your fingertips will become rough as hell What's tough is Women this again, this is a metaphor women are asking us to learn how to play guitar, but maintain soft hands and that's Why do you say no? Because you picked up the guitar Who told you to pick up that guitar made selection? Who made selection because we knew that playing guitar again using the metaphor of playing guitar can differentiate us from other men and give us a higher likelihood to seduce women so That did this to each other. We're doing this led by we're peacocking, right? We're trying to mate and we understand that What is going to help us become more successful at mating are things like Size attractiveness status money the whole nine so we go for those things, right? So the the the guitar analogy is just saying that if I know how to play guitar and Steve doesn't and we both have the same Level of res I'm a pool more than he does But one of the consequences of me knowing how to play guitar is my fingertips are gonna be callous Let me let me take it to the animal kingdom Let me take it to the animal kingdom. So like bucks, right? Bucks usually die male male deer or whatever bucks. They died from arthritis Why do they die from arthritis because they have big massive horns? Guess what female though select for the man with the biggest horns is going to mate first if our Biological code is to mate and we grow the biggest most elaborate horn that we can grow in order to mate But that thing is simultaneously killing us That is the dilemma of a man So in that example, it's the horns But there are the things in in our communities whether it's you know The the gang sedude or the athlete or whatever the case may be and I'm just saying It would help if women considered the role that they play in some of the things we do to seek your affection So what are we supposed to do though? Grace that's it. Okay, but that's it because because what tends to happen is Women and going back to the guitar analogy You're complaining that my fingertips are rough without acknowledging the fact that I learned how to play for you In this in this case did the woman ask like the woman that you were interested in she said like you you went up to her and said Hey What what do I have to do to get with you and she said you got to play the guitar? No, did you pick up the guitar again? I'm talking about on the macro I'm using guitar as as a metaphor, but this could go for you know, some dudes in the hood and turn a crime Getting money the whole nine. Those are different quote-unquote guitars And are women walking up to individual men and saying that you need to learn how to do this? No, however, when we look at the men that are getting selected it is the taller guy By women the majority of women You guys You are pitting yourself up against these other men. You are absolutely You cannot expect a woman to give you grace for a situation you created with other men and also That grace part well you say men give women grace that women don't give to them Women have had how many years of having to be graceful And when the mom we step into our own and we start to realize that we can exist in the masculine and feminine energy together Men are all of a sudden well Notice me see me for who I am, but let me be you see something. It's like that hold on It's it's like you you want us you want us to fix ourselves Make sure that we're giving we're we're not giving off masculine energy make sure which we're being this feminine woman for you We're making sure that we see the same way as this construct of us working together But also in all those things make sure if the man don't have this this this and this That you've set forth these standards on by other men not women by other men and in your back of your mind It's because you think that women want this but you're really doing it because what you think women need Then if you don't have those things that woman also has to give you grace on top of everything else Here's the thing like I remember there was a bill, you know bill bird a stand-up comedian. No Yeah, well, he's his white dudes funny shit, but he did. Yeah. Yeah, he did a set talking about how white women are now social justice warriors and He basically talked about how He basically talked about how like during People's oppression y'all were our sidekicks and now you're taking the posture of being the oppressed even though you were the oppressor It wasn't as overt as the white man, but you you you said you Stepped your Gucci booted boots over the oppression line and you want to now claim victim and I say that to say We entered this conversation kind of assuming that the grace was one-sided so grandpa didn't give grandma any kind of grace Grandpa but but see again again again. This is that these assumptions are fundamentally flawed because Sometimes when grandpa came back from Vietnam or he came back from from Germany He came back to find somebody else's kid and he raised that kid My point is this my point is this when we talk about Grace we talk about it from the perspective of assuming That one party was benevolent aka grandma and one party was vindictive aka grandpa So even in the scenario, I just gave you where grandpa had to raise some other man's child You will come up with another scenario as to why maybe he had another family Maybe but when it's the other way around we don't we're not we don't Default to coming up with other assumptions like for instance Grandpa beat grandma's ass. We don't say well grandma was probably fucking the milkman. We don't say no On the macro that's not how those conversations are had but whenever it's time to acknowledge the ways that men are hurt We have to rational and it's not even a black thing. I think generally we don't know how to view men as victims We don't know how to view women as perpetrators So we will justify it in our mind as to why this man deserved X Y and Z or why he was morally unjust and he had it coming or whatever the case may be But generally we don't do that to women. All I'm asking is if we're gonna expect men to be To have softer hands to my analogy and to have more grace in the whole night We have to first of all acknowledge the reasons why whether Overtly or covertly women have also participated in the things that made our hands rough Now whether women asked us to go to war or whether women enjoyed the peace that was created from us dying It's part of it Right and all I'm saying is instead of this culture of well men need to be more and more and more We need to take a beat to acknowledge all the things that men for better or worse had to become for you What's crazy? I want to stop women are always What we need men to do what we need men to be we do harp a lot. I'll give you that But also during this entire conversation Yeah, you the men have told women what we need to do based on the larger grand scale But in the grand scheme of things The one sitting at this table don't share those grandiose ideas. Those are the everybody else has so is it really? Really on the grand scheme and everybody thinks like this or are we looking at? What social media is putting out there or just who you've come in contact with? Oh, no I was answering your question my mind in this. No, I was answering the question of how can men become more in touch with the feminine side grace How can men feel more comfortable not necessarily? Resting our value and how much we make or how tall we all and all that stuff grace because the reality is and This is part of what's not discussed a lot of young boys Part of the reason why they grew up to be future and pimps in the whole nine is because when they were growing up They were gas lit They were told that you buy a girl flowers and you nice to her and all this stuff and she's gonna fall in love with you The reality is not that clean, but that's not our fault. I'm not no, no, no, no I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm saying that you had a role in it So yes, it's the fact that their father wasn't there He was a Debbie whatever the case may be But a lot of these things were told by the mom and the mom was preparing him to be a great man for a 30 40 year old woman without Acknowledging what he's gonna see at 16 at 20 and that's all I'm saying So when when this guy grows up and he's resentful of the gas lighting and the double-speak that he that he's heard From women is valid and he needs to be understood like you heard of the toy scenario Where women the way they grew up their toys were totally different from the men toys Like the men toys we play with we play with Tonka trucks We was always prepared to be in the workforce to be the providers the woman always played with the Barbie dolls So they had this illusion of Ken and Barbie This was a reality for women when they were growing up because they were taught to be able to look at men this way Right so find you a kin Right that was the conversation in every household The generalizations coming back on a grand scale on a grand scale because If you look at the the reality, right? Just gotta look at the reality. We're not talking about the small minute realities we're talking about the grand reality If you look at every conversation a woman is having She's going to choose her mate by what? his status So what Obi was saying is if you look in the animal kingdom, this is nature This has nothing to do dude like go back to the mackerel right if you go back to the mackerel I Want to hear what you had something you go back to the mackerel. Let's just take lioness and lions What do lioness do they hunt for who? Their families no children Who's eating first the man But it's a woman hunting for the man, right? She's hunting for the man. So how are we comparing? She's hunting for the man that means the man He will help depending on the the size of the you know the the needs to be taken down but the reality is if There's a group of lioness three four to maybe one maybe one male maybe three males Right if the woman is going out and they're staking out dinner for the male And then they allow the man to eat before they even eat. That's nature. That's law Right. So if we look at that in every kingdom, but why though, right? Why why? I want her to answer 100. I wanted to see if you look at this clearly without feelings and emotions Mm-hmm, right not based on what you was taught and I was taught and we look at law and how things operate Then why do those things not fall in place when it comes down to man and woman in today's society logic? We have logic and reason No, the jazz what you got yeah, go ahead. You said let me say you said logic and reason Logic and reason was taught That's not divine nature So logic logic logic and reason can only come from curriculum That has nothing to do with nature. So what I'm saying to you is let me if I walk you to an end of a mountain Do you have to have logic and reason not to jump off of it? Instinct it's instinct So it's totally different. You don't have to be taught that Yeah, our generals don't have logic and reason don't have logic reason. So what I'm saying to you is We're taught to think and perform Certain ways so we're taught to think to perform certain ways like male and women characteristics, right? We're having a conversation about around women and men characteristics You operate a certain way operate a certain way, right? That's based on curriculum. We're having debates and discussions based on curriculum What is your divinity say? What is your divine nature say you supposed to be like when you meet a man? so Let y'all speak as many get your points out When we talk about leaders Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman a leader is not just somebody that's leading but somebody that can also take the backseat and learn That's a leader so To go on the point of When you were talking about how we've been conditioned to grow up, right? Like girls with the Barbies Even in that Women have been Helping with sustaining the cycle of Making a man the leader. Okay. Yes. So with giving you guys The hand up of being that leader that has trickled down into different consequences Which is a reflection of you as leaders Mm-hmm. So I guarantee if you were leaders that were saying I'm gonna work and I'm gonna make this money And then if your partner too is making that money as well And you don't see her as a threat, but you see her as I'm not gonna say equal because we're different in our own ways Right, but if you saw it in that way rather than her being competitive to you and therefore you say in order to make me feel Powerful you just got to be pretty you got to be nice. You got to talk to me a certain way then You know that's what works for you as a man But if you would see it as where you guys can collaborate and help one another Things will look so different because then you're understanding from each other You're able to acknowledge this is who you are as a woman. This is what you can bring to the table This is who I am as a man and this way I can bring to the table where you can have productive Conversations as to what each other really needs and what they want not based on what the society tells you what you should be and how You have to be so a cycle has been created which has created all this rigidness of Now expecting a woman to make up for that rigidness that leaders that are male leaders Have created in this world when it comes to we talk about and I'm bringing this all together When we talk about our grandparents that were together and they had to be together That's because there were men that did not believe that women should be on their own They shouldn't be making money and that they should rely on a man to do so But now when she gets money or now there's that woman that came out that situation where she was shamed for Making more money or being able to do what a man does when she has taught another woman get your money Oh, and she's going for a man that's got the money. Now. She's a gold digger. Now. She's all these different things That was all a projection in a cycle that was created by male leaders that wanted to feel powerful Not It could have been I'm powerful and you're powerful. How can we be powerful together and make this work? But we have to fix it and now we have to fix it and give grace No, no, no reality is we've been giving graces whole time It's just you don't recognize it because you're not tapping in a certain part of yourself You're not allowing yourself to tap into a certain part of yourself Which is the femininity side and saying dang you know what this is really hard Let me let me share this with my lady or a woman that's going to be able to listen to me and talk with me Through these things because if she's a real woman, she's going to walk you through She's going to help you through that where you don't have to feel like that anymore But because you're a man and you want to feel powerful and you don't feel like you're good enough You keep putting this pressure on yourself and you don't have to do that I think what's difficult though is like just like I gave the example with the white women Women have helped establish and maintain patriarchy as well And we don't acknowledge that right and the reason why that's important is a lot of times We talk about these things as men created it so men need to fix it and then let us know right as opposed to Acknowledging the ways that we as women have also created and maintained this as well And how we as women our preferences our patterns Incentivize the very behavior from men that we claim to not want to see anymore of There's a reason why some of the worst men you'll meet were raised by women