 J-E-L-L-O! The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with daydreams from the picture Gold Diggers in Paris. Some of these lovely warm spring days don't you feel like forgetting everything and just getting out into the open for a long carefree day? But there are meals and you're afraid you haven't the time. Well here's a tip. J-E-L-O will help you give you that time, for J-E-L-O is delightfully quick and easy to prepare. It dissolves instantly in hot water, it sets quickly, and you can just tuck it in your refrigerator and when you're ready, there it is a treat for any meal. And J-E-L-O is a treat served in any of a dozen different ways, perfectly plain in a colorful shimmering mold, garnished with rosettes of whipped cream dressed up with fresh ripe strawberries. J-E-L-O brings you that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor, so get some from your grocer. And tonight we want to salute your grocer and retail grocers everywhere. They're holding a national rally day on May 10th and we want to extend our best wishes. And when you grow to your grocer tomorrow, be sure to order J-E-L-O. This daydreams played by the orchestra and now, ladies and gentlemen, this being Mother's Day, we bring you the mother of the J-E-L-O program, Jack Benny. J-E-L-O again, this is Mrs. Benny talking. And Don, that introduction may have been spoken in jest, but there's an element of truth in it, just the same. Well, Jack, I thought it was very apropos. You are sort of a mother to the gang here. We honor and respect you and you're the first one we come to when we need money. That's right, Don. At 6%. That's right, too. But, Don, you know, of all the children in my little radio family, you're my favorite. I mean that. No kidding. I think the world of you. You mean because I'm such a good boy and I always am so nice to you? No, because you're less of a heel than the rest of the gang. That's why. Well, anyway, Jack, I think Mother's Day is a marvelous idea, don't you? Yes, Don, it's a great thought, but you know what burns me up with some children? What's that, Jack? Well, take the ones that are away from home. Now, some don't even bother to write their mother a letter all year. And then on this one day, they send her a telegram and scare the dickens out of her. Ah, here comes the black sheep of my family, folks. Hello, Phillip. Hello, Mammy. Mammy, eh? Listen, sonny boy, Mammy's gonna slug you if you don't behave tonight. Anyway, you're a fine son. I bet you didn't even send your real mother anything today. I did, too. I sent her a picture of my band with me standing in front of it. Oh, well, that was a sweet thought. Yes, sir. And I wrote on it Phil Harris and his orchestra. She'll be mighty proud of that. She probably will, but you might have put Phil Harris and his orchestra on the Jack Benny program. Oh, no, I couldn't do that, Jack. Why not? She thinks I work in a beer parlor. Oh, I see. You don't want her to know that you're slippy. That's it exactly. Shut up. Anyway, that's a nice present to send to your mother. A picture of you and those 18 headhunters. They look like any minute they're going into a war dance. Now, wait a minute, Jack. The only savage in my band is the drummer. I picked him up in pango pango. Oh, a real savage, eh? How'd you happen to meet him? I used to go with his sister. Well, I can believe that, but you know, Phil, your drummer seems to be fairly civilized. He doesn't look so vicious. You should have seen him before I had his teeth pulled out. Well, you sure have a novel organization. They're a drummer from pango pango, but at that, he looks mild compared to your guitar player. My goodness. Oh, really, where'd you pick him up? Walt Keegan. Oh. Now, that's a lie. Look at him. We don't wear rings in our noses and Walt Keegan. Well, he's gone Hollywood. Oh. Well, if they're the rage, I must get one. Ah, here comes my little daughter now. Hello, Mary. Daughter? What are you talking about? Well, this is Mother's Day, and you're all my kitties. You see, Mary, you see, I'm like a mother hen, and the rest of you are my little chicks. She is Don Wilson, one of your chicks, too? Yes, he is, Mary. What'd you use for a nest, the Hollywood Bowl? You don't get the significance of it at all. By the way, Mary, did you send your mother a telegram today or flowers or anything? Yes, and I've been trying to get her on the long-distance phone all afternoon. Why don't you call her from here, Mary? Now, wait a minute, Don. Calls made from the studio are all charged to me personally. What are you doing, Mary? I'm calling Mama. But don't worry, I'll pay for it. Oh, go ahead. I'll treat you. But talk fast, will you? Operator, get me Plainfield, New Jersey. Goose liver, 8,400. I don't mind goose liver, but 8,400 is unbelievable. Yes, that's it. I want to speak to Mrs. Bubbles Livingston. Bubbles, yes. Hope Mama's home. Yeah. And is for the million things she gave me. All means only that. Yes, operator. She's growing old. A tea is for the tears she... Hello. Oh, hello, Mama. Well, you finally got her. Mama, this is Mary. I said this is Mary, not Harry. Mary. Oh, hurry up. Listen, Mama, Mary, M is for the million things you gave me. An encore on my money. Yes, Mama, it's me. I want to wish you a happy Mother's Day. Did you get the package I sent you? You did? Isn't that wonderful? Congratulations. What is it, Mary? I sent Mama one-piece bathing suit and she was just elected Miss Plainfield. Say, that's marvelous. Did you hear that, fellas? It must have been foggy. This is new Mama. He did? Oh, isn't that cute? You want to hear something, sweet Jack? What? My little brother gave Mama a baseball bat for Mother's Day. She's so happy. Oh. Does your mother play baseball? No, Papa's been asking up again. Oh. Now hurry it up, Mary. That costs money, will you? Well, Mama, I just called up to say hello. I better hang up because Jack is paying for the call. Yeah. Uh, what? Oh. Uh, hold the line a minute. Uh, Mama wants to talk to you, Jack. Oh, I'm busy, Mary. Well, you better talk to her. Oh, all right. Hello, Mrs. Liv. Yes? Yes? No, goodbye. Hmm. That's a fine way to talk to Mama. You certainly gave her the rush, Jack. Well, she asked me how I was feeling. I know, at $7 a minute. Well, Mama's very sensitive. I don't care how sensitive she is. We've got a program to do. Jack, Jack, remember, you're a mother yourself today. Oh, that's right. What am I thinking of? Play, Phil. Now, where did I put my knitting? Played by Phil Harris, and he's pango pango peluca. Hey, Phil, I meant to ask you. You flew down to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby. Did you have a good time there? Oh, marvelous, Jack. There was a big crowd and a lot of excitement. Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't have gone along with you. Who'd you pick in the Derby? Well, there was a little blonde sitting in the... I don't mean the brown Derby. Who'd you pick in the Kentucky Derby? Well, I didn't know who to bet on. So just before the race, I went in the clubhouse to think about it over a mint julep. Oh, over a mint julep? Who'd you find he bet on? Fighting Fox, they tell me. Oh, I see. Say, I can believe that I've had a couple of those mint juleps myself, and they're dynamite. What do they like, Jack? Well, Mary, after two mint juleps, you sneer at tigers, which you see. Tigers? Because you hope they'll start something. Anyway, Mary, this talk is for us men. You don't know anything about the Kentucky Derby. I do, too. I had a little bet on a horse called Mountain Ridge. Oh, so you bet on Mountain Ridge, eh? Yeah, but the moon came over him before he got in. Well, I know that horse ran last, Mary, but it wasn't after dark when he came in. It wasn't, eh? No. Then why was a jockey wearing a night shirt? I don't know anything about that, and leave me alone. Hey, Mama, here comes your problem, child. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello. Well, well, how's my youngest son tonight? Son? What are you talking about? Now, I have to go through that again. Look, Kenny, this is Mother's Day. I'm a mother hen, and you're all my little chicks. A mother hen? I don't believe it. You don't believe it. Lay an egg for him, Jack. I won't. I'm not in the mood. Mood nothing, you can't. Well, of course I can't. I'm not really a can, honey. I'm not really a hen. I only said that because I thought it would be cute on Mother's Day, that's all. You know, Jack, I made up a swell riddle, and it just fits Mother's Day. Want to hear it? Well, a riddle? Yes, if it'll make you any happier. All right, here's a riddle. Why did I send my girl a hot dog on Mother's Day? I don't know, Kenny, why did you send your girl a hot dog on Mother's Day? Because she's a red hot mama. Mama, don't you get it? Now, wait a minute, Kenny, control yourself. Say, Jack, I've got a riddle, too. Here we go, folks, what is it? Why is Kenny's head like a ping-pong ball? I don't know, Mary, why is Kenny's head like a ping-pong ball? Because it is, there's nothing you can do about it. Hey, that's not bad, you know? That marry the riot. Yes, she is. Say, this is fun, you know, let's all get in the game. How about you, Don, have you got a riddle for us? No, Jack, but I've got a song that I've been working on, especially for Mother's Day. Oh, well, we must hear it. I wonder what it can be about. Oh, the suspense is awful, huh? Go ahead, Don. Give me a chord, boys. J is for the jello, so delicious E is for each flavor, extra rich L is for that lemon, oh, so tempting L is for that lime, just try a dish For that orange, so delicious Strawberry and raspberry as well And cherry too Wah-wah-wah Put them all together, they spell J Songed by Don Wilson, who from now on will sing in his bathtub. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we'll have another musical selection sung by Kenny Baker. What's it gonna be, Kenny? Oh, boy, Red Hot Mama, wow! Now forget that riddle, what about your song? Oh, you mean my sideline? Yes, what are you gonna sing? It's a brand new number written by Pinky Tomlin called Lost and Found. Well, go ahead. What children? We have more trouble in the Jones family. Lost my heart the day that I brought a different world in view And a feeling that is new Lost and far, lost the moment that seemed all My heart could sing a song Since the day you can't pleasant my dear It's something that we can't spare But I didn't mind losing my heart My heart the day that I Lost and far, lost the moment that seemed all My heart could sing a song My heart and I Hi, Kenny Baker, and now, folks, I have a little surprise for you. A very dear friend of mine who was on my program once before is here in Los Angeles on a vacation. And again, I have persuaded him to appear with us. So now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present once again a young fellow I went to school with and who is now the mayor of Waukegan, Illinois, the honorable Mansell Tolcock. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. And it wasn't an imposition, Jack. I'm very happy to be here. And we're glad to have you, believe me. Well, Bidey, that's what we used to call him in school, folks. How are you enjoying California, Bidey? Just fine, droopy. Droopy? That's what we used to call Jack. They sure did, folks, until I got suspenders. Ah, those were the happy days when we were all just kids in school. And now you're the mayor of Waukegan, and I'm a movie star. Well, I'm a mayor anyhow. Hey, that's pretty good, yes, sir? But, Bidey, will you ever forget the day we graduated? Remember that funny-looking suit you had on with cups on the sleeves and was too tight on you? Where'd you ever get that suit? Your father sold it to me. Well, I always trade it across the street. But things have changed plenty in Waukegan since then, haven't they? I'll say they have. You know our fire department? Yes. Well, we've got a hose now. You have? What did you do with the buckets? Oh, we put geraniums in them. Oh! Well, isn't that marvelous? Say, Bidey, you met Mary and Kenny and Don last year in New York, and now I'd like to have you meet our orchestra leader, Phil Harris. Phil, this is the mayor of Waukegan, Mansel Talcott. Glad to know you, Mr. Harris. Same here, Your Honor. You know, my band played in Waukegan once. You did? Yep, the whole town turned out and we still lost money. Now, Phil, Waukegan is a big town. Hey, Bidey, you want to hear a riddle? Kenny, it's Mayor Talcott, and he doesn't want to hear a riddle. That reminds me, Jack, I've been listening to your program tonight, and I couldn't get all that stuff you were saying about Mother's Day. I couldn't figure out whether you were a hen or not. Well, it's very simple, Bidey. I was just making a comparison, that's all. I still don't get it. See, if he can be a mayor, I can. Kenny, now look, Bidey, I have a little surprise for you. As soon as I heard you were going to be up here tonight, I thought it'd be nice to do a special play in Your Honor, and that's just what we're going to do. Now, you're going to be the star of the play. You know, the lover. Oh, goodie. Stop jumping up and down. Now, Mary Livingston is going to be your leading lady. Well, what about Loretta Young? Bidey, don't be unreasonable. Yeah, listen, Manful, you're no gable, you know. Mary, quiet. Well, if he wants Loretta Young, let him have her. Oh, I didn't mean that, Mary. You're better than Loretta Young any day. I chose what you know. All right, now I've had enough of this. The next one that insults the mayor has to vote for her. Now, let's go on with our play. Here's what it's all about. It's a modern love story about a wife who has more boyfriends than Snow White has wore. Now, look, Bidey, I play the husband, Mary is my wife, and you, Don, Kenny and Phil in the orchestra will be her boyfriends. Here's your part, Bidey. Thanks, Jack. I better look it over. I want to be good. Oh, you will be, don't worry. Now, the scene of our play is the home of Mr. and Mrs. Mortimer J. Bookend in the thriving little community of New York City. As the curtain rises, we find Mrs. Bookend with her husband for a change. Curtain, music. Well, darling, it's almost train time. I'll be leaving in a little while for Altoona. Will you miss me? Of course, Mortimer. How long will you be gone? Oh, just a few days. Can't you make it longer? I'm lonesome. All right, three weeks then. There's the phone. I'll answer it. You better not, or you won't go to Altoona. I'll take it. Hello? Oh, hello, darling. What, dear? In a little while, honey. Yes? Yes? All right, darling. Goodbye, sweet. Who was that? The gas company. The gas company? Well, they're getting awfully fresh. Oh, Mortimer, why are you so jealous? Oh. Why, don't you trust me? Is it because you find cigars around here and you don't smoke? No, it's because I find hats around here and they don't fit me. Get some paper in them and shut up. Well, Faith, I must leave you now. Goodbye, Faith, dear. You'll be true to me while I'm gone, won't you? Yes, Mortimer. Oh, Faith, my darling, at last we are alone. You don't come in yet, Bidey. Oh, pardon me. Fine mayor. Well, goodbye, Faith. I'll write you every day. Never mind. Just wire me when you're coming home. I sure will. So long. We now take you to the same house three seconds later. Hello, honey. Has bookend left yet? Yes, Philip, my angel. They think I've gone. But I'm really peeking in the window, folks. I'll lift it up a little and listen. Oh, Phil, darling, I feel a draft. Close the window, will you? Okay, honey lamb. Ouch, my no. Do you how much I've missed you? I know, dearest. I had to come here tonight as there's something I must ask you. What is it, Filthy Pie? Oh, Faith, my darling, at last we are alone. Not yet, Your Honor. Oh, pardon me. I wish he'd wait. I'm sorry I put him in here. Oh, tell me, Phil, what were you going to say? Listen, Faith, how long can this go on? Why don't you give up Mortimer and fly away with me? You've got something there. Oh, quick, quick, hide it. Maybe my husband. Your husband? I'll hide in the clothes closet. No, no, Fred Allen is in there. Fred Allen, what's he doing here? It's time to soap us. Okay. Oh, Kenny, my love. My darling, has Droopy left yet? Yes, he's on his way to Altoona. Ah, little does she know who lurks beneath this window. With a broken nose. Quiet. Go ahead, Kenny. Faith, I love you. How long can I go on waiting? Waiting? What do you see in Mortimer? Nothing. Then why don't you give me up and marry him? Oh, what a clock. Husband. Your husband? I'll hide under the sofa. No, Phil's in there. Hide in the ash can. Hurry, Kenny. Who's there? Oh, Faith, my darling. At last we are alone. Where do you get in the house? Oh, pardon me. Mansel, at last you're here. Yes, Faith. Why don't you give up Mortimer and marry me? Marry you? Yes. Then we can go on our honeymoon to Waukegan Falls. But Mansel, there are no falls in Waukegan. There are, too. The WPA just built them. Say that news to me. Quick, Mansel, it made it. Where? It's crowded already. Come on in the ash can. It's fun. Yes, and don't slam the lid. Hurry, Mansel, quick. It's me, your husband. Who? Your husband, husband. H is for the house so full of fellows. U is for you better get him out. Here I come, ready or not. I got you this time. You thought I went to Altoona, but I know what's been going around here, and I'm going to put a stop to it. Mortimer, Mortimer, what are you going to do? I'll show you what I'm going to do. Come on out all of you, or I'll let you have it. Mortimer! All right then, take this. I just shot the gas company. Play field, if you can. Here's some news about a swell dessert made a swell new way. It's a brand new way to serve fresh strawberries combined with delicious, fruit-rich strawberry jello. It has a tempting name, fresh strawberry supreme, and it has a tempting look and taste. Here's the way to make it. Dissolve one package of strawberry jello in hot water and chill until cold and syrupy. Then place the jello in a bowl of cracked ice and whip it with a rotary egg beater until it's fluffy. Arrange sweetened sliced strawberries in individual sherbet glasses, and then pile the whipped jello on top of the berries. It's a swell dessert. For whipped strawberry jello has the prettiest color you ever saw. Beautiful deep rolls, light and frothy like whipped cream, and it tastes as grand as it looks. For jello brings you delicious extra-rich fruit flavor, so deep and rich it rivals the flavor of the fresh ripe berries themselves. So get some strawberry jello tomorrow and serve fresh strawberry supreme for dessert. Just be sure to get the one and only genuine jello. This is the last number of the 30-second program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And I want to wish all you mothers everywhere a happy day every day. And, Bidey, I want to thank you very much for taking part in our little play tonight. Perhaps something you're not used to, but we did have a lot of fun. We certainly did, Jack, and I hope I did all right as an actor. Well, you were swell. You were really marvelous. It's been nice having you here in Hollywood, Bidey. I suppose you'll be going back to walk Keegan soon. Yes, if I don't get in the movies. Well, I'll see you down at the station, Bidey. Good night, folks. Thanks for broadcasting company.