 Before we jump into the conversation about a broken man using a woman and the signs he gives off before this happens, I think it's rather important to identify why most relationships these days, and I was about to say the word fail, but I'd rather just say that they end, okay? That they don't work out. And I think, and let's just differentiate relationship. Let's talk about those people who have invested at least three months together, okay? They've spent at least 100 hours of face-to-face time together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, that sort of thing. Let's just establish that that's the minimum criteria for what we call a relationship. And let's also consider the minimum criteria are two people that actually call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend or call themselves in a relationship, they've identified the relationship. So why do they end? Well, let's differentiate also the difference between people in their 20s and 30s versus those people there in their 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s, okay? Because I think it's really, there's a big difference between those that are in the baby-making years of their life versus those of us that are mostly in midlife, which is after baby-making years and before retirement. And within our demographic, there's a significant percentage of divorced people. Okay, so coming back to why do they not work out? Why did they end? Well, I think one of the primary reasons is that two people are incompatible with one another. They're just not compatible for one another for a variety of different reasons. Maybe they don't share the same values, maybe their lifestyles aren't blendable with one another. That could be one of the significant causes for why so many people that enter into relationships don't work out in the long run. Now, another significant reason is emotionally wounded people, oftentimes attract emotionally wounded people. And during these two emotionally wounded people, they do not have the skills to actually navigate their individual emotions for one another and they bump heads with one another emotionally speaking. Now, let's give you an example of this. Well, let's talk about avoidant love attachment style and anxious love attachment style, okay? If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking out. By the way, there's a link below in the description of this video for all the books I recommend under Jonathan recommend books. Why am I talking about the book attached? If you are an anxious person, which means you tend to be a little bit more needy, you tend to need more validation and some level of security within the relationship, you'll have a propensity to over-given the relationship or give more than what you may be receiving. Just as a simple example. Now avoidant love attachment style, they're fearful of love, they need a sense of freedom, they don't wanna feel smothered by a person. Think about it, the needy person, oftentimes smothered by a person that doesn't, that feels rather overwhelmed by someone who's giving too much to them. These are emotionally wounded people. I don't mean that they're bad people, I just mean that they have childhood wounds and traumas that have gone unhealed and they bump heads in this woundedness. Now, the primary, the part of within this dynamic is a fear to get close to another human being. That's another reason why a significant percentage of relationships end is because there's a fear to actually completely, for lack of a better word, surrendering to another human being, okay? So why it's important to understand this, most human beings are good people, most men are good people. We're gonna talk about broken men in a moment, but most men are good people. Yes, there are plenty of manipulators out there. There are plenty of narcissists out there. There are even sociopaths out there. There are even scammers out there, I get that. But believe it or not, that probably represents less than 20% of the population. For the vast majority of people are good decent human beings and yet they're emotionally wounded. Some of them are emotionally constipated. Some of them emotionally inept. Whatever terminology you wanna use, some people call it emotionally unavailable. The reality is, is these are good people that do not have the skills to actually navigate a significant relationship. And why do I know about this? Because after I went through a divorce, I was a broken man. Let me give you some examples of being broken. First off, what going through a divorce is the unraveling of the tapestry of an old life. I had a life, I had children, we did things together. We did family outings together. We went to parties together. We went to business functions as a couple. We had friends we socialized with. And when we separated, that all began to unravel. So there was a completely shift in the dynamic of my life, the way it was, and literally overnight it changed. And in that overnight, I began online dating, okay? Because there was this whole missing side of me. I wanted to fill it. I immediately lost this one person in my life and I need to fill that hole because I was in this anxious attachment phase of needing something to fill this hole within myself. To give you an example. In addition, I'd lost my significant corporate job, high paying corporate job, and I found myself financially in fear. So I'm going through this emotional shift in my life through this divorce and I was in fear of my survival. And what was interesting for myself was my drug of choice was actually internet dating. It was called internet dating back then. Wasn't even called online dating yet. It's called internet dating. Now it's called swipe dating. And in that experience, I was so broken that I felt like all I needed was someone to rescue me and I would feel better about myself. And so what happened is I went on date after date and in the course of a year, I had over a hundred meet and greets. And what I realized during those hundred meet and greets at the common denominator, the problem was me. So I began doing a deep dive into recognizing what patterns in my life was I experiencing. What was causing me to be an anxious attachment style and I started to go to places like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute just to name a few. I was even in a relationship with a therapist. Thankfully, she knew I was a broken man and yet she loved and accepted me for who I was. And while it didn't work out, all of these experiences were preparing me for where I am at today, sharing all this with you. But I'm here merely to point out that whether you're a man or a woman, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality at least here in the United States in the dating marketplace, particularly for those of us that are in midlife. And we're all searching for that prince or princess charming, that one person who is completely healed has their act together and they're drop dead gorgeous. Everybody is searching for the unicorn. Right, frankly, the unicorn doesn't exist because even that person who might be, have their act together, might be attracted, they still have wounds that need to be healed. What's interesting is we actually do our greatest healing when we're in relationship, when we're budding up against our wounds and our fears and that's an opportunity to work and grow for ourselves. And yet many of us give up right before that point of time where it actually creates a stronger bond with one another. So I've just talked about emotionally broken men because I was an emotionally broken man. I'm still riddled with wounds that I'm constantly looking at and healing on a regular basis. This is a journey for all of us to do and we have been invited to give our self-love and this is why I wrote my book What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work, by the way, link below as I recommend it. Why I wrote this book is because I recognize that the most important ingredient, whether you meet someone in your life or not, is to learn to really feed your own soul, to navigate your own emotions and to find that place of inner peace even in the chaos of dating, mating, or relating. And yes, it is a clusterfuck out there if anyone agrees or disagrees with me or not. So the emotionally broken man, I'm bringing this up because I wanna at least give you some signs to avoid these men so you don't find yourself investing too much in a relationship. You're not expecting, remember I said earlier it takes about three months to develop a relationship. I wanna help you avoid those three years and even longer periods of time in relationship by paying attention to these signs. Actually, one thing I wanna say to you, coming back to the emotionally broken man, there was a quote I recently heard from someone on YouTube and that is women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men. I'm gonna take that. Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men. In fact, why I created my private coaching program, by the way, there's a link right here and a link below in the description is to help you recognize the emotionally mature man, the man who's genuinely compatible with you versus those broken men. My job is to help you identify these and vet these men much sooner so you don't find yourself in these long procrastinated type of relationships. All right, so what are some of the signs that a broken man will end up using a woman? The first and most obvious one is your time together is mostly about sex. Well, sex is an important integral part of the mating process. There's no doubt about that. If it's only about sex and there isn't some deeper level of getting to know you, then there's a good sign that he's using you, whether he's a broken man or not. We men are oftentimes driven by sex, but it's important that if you want a relationship beyond sex, then it's important to work on the things I'm about to share with you today. Number two, he doesn't open up to you. He avoids personal questions. He even avoids talking on the phone. I see this so habitually with so many of you that have engaged in text relationships. I call these cyber relationships where most of your communication is via text messaging and most of your communication goes something like this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. This is a line from a Seinfeld where Kramer goes on talking about what marriage is all about is talking about your day. The reality is, is a deeper relationship requires talking more than the surface level things that happen. And if he avoids opening up to you with personal questions, there's a good sign, good chance he could be a broken person or he might be using you. If he's not willing to go deeper than the surface. Number three, he doesn't ask about you. Think about this, in the early stage of dating we men are so peculiarly successful at dissecting your life right before we have sex with you, but the minute we have sex with you why is it we abandon you? Well, because maybe we are driven by sex but somebody who's using you again like we talked about he only gets together for you sex someone is using you doesn't will most likely not ask you more about you after you've been physically intimate. I know one of the things I appreciate the most after our first time that my sweetheart and I were intimate with each other is I wanted to know more about her. The physical intimacy led to a desire to have more because while the physical intimacy was good I knew I wanted to get to know the totality of this person and if he avoids asking you or he doesn't ask about you he doesn't check in with you he doesn't wanna see how your day is that's a good sign that he's using you. Number four, he doesn't protect you. Now what I mean by protect you is men are known as provider protectors and we think of providing in the financial sense and we think of protecting in the physical sense but you know what isn't happening these days especially by broken men emotionally broken men is they're not protecting you emotionally speaking. Remember earlier when I said women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men what an emotionally mature man does is he recognizes that his actions has consequences and if his actions has consequences he will be protecting you from an emotional sense along with the physical sense but a broken man is incapable of actually recognizing that his actions has consequences his selfish acts and selfish needs of occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex. See his need for that trumps understanding that you might get attached to this person and you might bond with this person and he's not being a true protector in that sense because he's an emotionally broken man. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel please hit that notification bell so you can get notified of videos. I'm hoping this is really resonating with you to understand that broken people while they might be good human beings or they might be terrible human beings they're oftentimes unaware that they're so broken that they do these things without malice it just happens to be these are the things that happen. Now another sign that he's gonna be using you that an emotionally broken man sometimes, well this can go either way he rarely makes time to introduce you to his friends or he rarely makes time to want to meet your friends. Now honestly though this can go either way because a broken man could do all these things he might have broken man could also be a very needy man who might need you to fulfill what's wrong what's hurting inside of him but given that most men are avoidant type of love attachment styles and they tend to be more emotionally constipated that is the exception but that isn't again it's not the absolute rule but the men who are emotionally broken and avoidant personalities oftentimes don't wanna meet the people in your life that's a good sign that you're gonna be used. By the way another sign is he doesn't go out of his way to help you maybe you're sick maybe you need to ride to the airport he doesn't act in true partnership again he wants the benefit of that companionship that connection that sex and sometimes for many of you that sex is just simply cyber sex because many of you have indoctrinated in yourselves into these cyber relationships but a true emotionally mature man who wants a day in day out relationship will be there for you when you need them that's the true sign of a partner that's a true sign of a friend and lastly a good sign that he's gonna be he's a broken man who'll be using you is he puts off conversations about exclusivity and he puts off conversations about some permanence in your relationship that's a sign if he's avoiding exclusivity if he's avoiding the future that's a possible strong sign he's a broken person and broken can come in a variety of different way shapes or forms but he's incapable of leaning into a deeper desire for commitment and I think it's important to recognize that we have two classes of people out there dating there's the people that are dating with a short term mating strategy and then there's the people that are dating with a long term mating strategy a long term mating strategy are those people that are seeking to either live together or get married with someone they actually want some level of permanence some level of roots that come in the form of those two types of dynamics for the most part this isn't an absolute but a short term mating strategy is those people are just living the moment let's just have a good time it's all about having a good time let's not put labels on it let's take it slow I don't wanna put any pressure towards commitment because I have no fucking clue what I want and I have no design it's in my head of something long term I'm just in it for the short term and maybe if I like you enough I might shift from a short term mating strategy to a long term mating strategy but that's a very weak foundation for those particularly men that do this they have this delusion but the delusion is there is no unicorn out there to switch from a short term mating strategy to a long term mating strategy and many of you think you're the unicorn that will convert this guy that's got a long short term mating strategy into a long term mating strategy and no wonder it's fucking chaos out there is this making sense is this resonating please let me know so coming back to the emotionally broken man it happens for a variety of reasons and most of them mostly outside of their control you know most humans don't do the necessary personal development self-help spiritual work and therapy to heal from their childhood wounds and traumas maybe you are one of those people that hasn't really done a deep dive and I invite you to read the book The Hoffman process, The Hoffman process I'm gonna read this the world famous technique that empowers you to forgive your past, heal your present and transform your future the Hoffman process I did this at their retreat center but you can begin with the book because when you understand yourself maybe you can understand the dynamic of who you might want to date in the future and be better prepared to do the vetting process to determine if you two are even a fit for one another on an emotional level let alone shared values, blendable lifestyles and then that all important chemistry piece or that attraction piece that we're all hyper focused on and rarely ever paying attention to those other things in the dating dynamic is this sinking in? I'd like to hear from you All right, I think this will be a good place to start with our Q and A if you have questions for me write the word question in the chat box and then post your question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat all of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him right there he's my son that passed away five years ago actually five years ago, two days ago and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and we already in our last live stream we collected over $200 on our last two live streams and we're gonna be giving that to the Seeds of Love which is an organization out of Columbia that helps children who've been abandoned by their parents for having a terminal disease and this is an organization that helps and takes care of those children again called Seeds of Love so there's a little dollar sign in the chat box hit that dollar sign let's get $100 tonight to donate I'd love to send Maria she's heading out to Columbia to give it to her cousin for this organization called Seeds of Love so all right and then if you have a question write the word question there after so let's see what we have already got a couple questions in the house oh Lisa wants to go on and say preach it Jonathan well thank you so much Lisa good to see you DC writes was dating a man over a month he broke things off turned out he lied about still being divorced separated and hoping to reconcile I came back recently do I even acknowledge it or move on he came back recently turns out he lied still divorce separated and hoping to reconcile came back recently well if he's hoping to reconcile I don't understand why he would be coming back unless he's a broken man who wants that companionship that connection maybe sex with you but does he even have the capacity to explore a long term relationship with someone so I would recommend you move on because if he's going through the mix of stuff it takes years to unravel the tapestry of an old life and to just reintegrate yourself to by the way a lot of broken people immediately attach themselves to another person and by the way think about this for a second think about this for a second what's the what's the divorce rate for people who've been married a second or third time what's the divorce rate you know it's like 65 to 70% I'm actually texting my sweetheart I'm without a drink right now so hopefully she can bring it to me why is that why is it because when broken people go and attach themselves to another relationship and they're broken what happens is they're even ill-prepared for that second or third relationship in their life so just recognize that he probably is not in a space to be able to actually lean into a relationship at this point in his life okay DC I hope that helps Kim writes but he said thank you but said no so I asked him if he would want to go on a fourth I'm assuming date with me he wouldn't I already told him no sex he seemed to want to start an argument and said this to me well I don't see a question there Kim it sounds like he's probably not the right person for you so I would definitely move on from that thank you sweetheart all right let's see what else we got here Kimberley wants to remind us all that a sea of dysfunctional sea of dysfunctionality AM both men and women like are incredibly dysfunctional okay sunshine says only broken men approach me and I'm sick of it how do I know how do I know why I track those men or I guess the question is why do you track those men well statistically speaking I roughly want to say 80% of the single population men and women alike are dysfunctional some are clinically dysfunctional but most everybody 60% 20% are are clinically dysfunctional 60% are dysfunctional so statistically speaking you have an 8 out of 10 chance of meeting a broken person by the way you women are no picnic either there are plenty of women who have an avoidant attachment style there are plenty of women that are hung up on their past relationships there are plenty of women who are deeply anxious attachment style there are women who are the amber herds of the world there are women that they're entitled attitudes by the way do you ever watch the housewives all of them are entitled women those are broken people in my opinion so with that said it's not you're swimming in a sea of 80% or more are dysfunctional so that's the why it happens your job is to do your my invitation for you is do a better job asking questions early on so you can bypass 88 out of 10 of those men right away and hopefully the cream of the crop rises but here's the other problem ladies you're not attracted to those 20% of emotionally healthy men many of them don't look the way you want they don't have the lifestyle you want so then that narrows your odds that you're not attracted to the men that you or might be emotionally healthy you're attracted to certain type of man and there's an 80% chance of those men if not more that are dysfunctional so no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there that's the why okay how do you change it by becoming a person that is so happy with who they are in their life that doesn't matter if you have a relationship or not when you can walk with your when you can walk with your head high going I don't need a relationship to be happy that's usually when that person enters your life hope that helps sunshine angel writes should a woman date a man who is hot head angry or is very reactive and sensitive to things should a man date a woman who's a hot head angry or very reactive and sensitive to things should a man date amber earth God poor amber heard but you know the question is should a man date that woman if the answer is yes then I invite you to tell me why should a man date a woman like that folks folks I get the question but truth be told why are we even asking that kind of question if that's if that man makes you happy then data hot head that's angry and could explode at any moment if that brings you joy then go for it if it doesn't then it's simple no all right Kim writes question to me this is to me what would you do if I locked you up in a room and didn't let anyone see you then he quickly changed how he said it he is mentally ill or should I be there for him because he said I don't know that just sounds like some form of physical abuse and to lock someone up in a room that to me listen my question is why do you want to be with a man like that if a man does that why would you want to be with an a man who is mentally ill I mean if you're married to this person and you feel an obligation to be there for him but you know there are institutions this person can go to if he's they're mentally unstable and if there's physical abuse I would highly recommend moving on that would be my invitation for you all right let's keep going all right I'm super jealous and insecure about his job surf instructor he barely has time for me and he doesn't want me to show up at his job well I can understand why that profession would make you insecure so what is going on between your relationship to create trust with one another see many of you don't realize that trust is something that has to be built through emotional intimacy that's right emotional intimacy that's how trust is built so in this particular case if you haven't built enough trust I understand why you feel that way and may and find out why he doesn't ask the question why do you feel uncomfortable me coming to your work ask the question and try to learn to read between the lines because there's something there he might be he might be unfaithful to you that might be the real reason I can understand that but what's missing in your relationship is a deep roots of trust that's something I talk about in my private coaching but that's what's missing in your relationship most out of late Ireland thank you for the $9.99 super sticker we really appreciate it so our question why did this guy seem so interested at first texting calling constantly and now he's being super distant all of a sudden it's a long distance relationship great question so here's the thing about long distance relationships you don't get to see someone regularly and when you don't get to see someone regularly you don't get to see men bond through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills that's how we bond with you so when it's long distance it puts all the pressure to be on your phones and when the pressure is all about being on your phones believe me I fucking get tired of talking on the phone when Marie and I after we established our relationship I wasn't I wasn't keen on talking on the phone a lot I mean we did it while we were building our relationship with one another but I got tired of talking on the phone when it's long distance it puts all the pressure to talk on the phone and and when it's all when it's all on the phone it's not real and when it's not real we don't treat it as real so that's what's missing is the two of you did not build enough trust in those moments you were together and then there's probably no plan to progress the relationship forward and that's why you're experiencing this that's the why it's one of the reasons why if you're going to choose to do a long distance relationship it's hugely important to have a plan of how you're going to convert the distance from long to short in a very quick time okay let's see what's else we got Ireland thank you for the $9.09 super sticker really appreciate I want to give props to Margaret for the $7.99 super sticker um okay Kim says question he was about to take the gun that he had under his pillow and blow his head off should I run or be there for him whoa this is let me just say this really quickly this is somebody who needs professional attention right away okay whether he seeks it for himself or you help instigate that but if this is someone that you're in relationship with this is a person that must seek medical attention incredibly soon it's probably deep hurt going on deep depression going on and to the extent you could be there for him I don't know how you can be there for him but this is if the reality is is someone has to want to heal themselves if they don't want to heal then it's virtually impossible to help another but you can certainly do your best to be supportive as you would any friend in your life that's my invitation for you in this particular case thanks so much thank you so much thank you again all right let's see what we've got here thank you sweetheart I appreciate that Kimberly says gosh you could have saved me 10 years glad I found you Jonathan I am so grateful you found me as well Kimberly I'm happy to help all right S dot writes what do you say about a man that secretly videotaped us while having sex without my knowledge this was makeup sex and he told me about it later he never inquired prior well the fact that he told you about it now it's it's it's gone from a secret to to it's out in the open so I think of nothing else yes he crossed a boundary with respects to your boundaries of privacy okay and there's this public record I'd hate to have it become like what was it Tommy Lee and oh god Pamela Anderson was that the couple uh yeah uh there's sex tape got out um but um so what do you say what do you say about a man well I what do I say about the man I just think that was inappropriate crossing a boundary is that cause for ending the relationship I don't know that might be that might be a significant reason to end the relationship I would certainly maybe try to get the original copy and if it's not something you want um public I would probably ask that it be destroyed okay that would be just my 10 my my perspective on this one S dot I hope that helps all right all right let's keep going ah let's see Coronatine says so I've been dating this guy for a year we decided to move in together we've been actively looking for an apartment for three months the last three weeks I've been at his place then it goes on to say after a full day of work we had dinner we were about to go to the pool he went to the room said he changed his mind and no longer wants to live together I'm sitting here wondering what I did you know they're again as I said in the beginning of this broadcast there's a variety of reasons why relationships don't work out this is the nature of our world see what I've come to realize when we put our happiness predicated on somebody else in other words we here in the United States are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself folks the real journey is learning to love oneself whether you're in relationship or not I highly recommend reading the book if you haven't read this book it's called the untethered soul by Michael Singer oh my god this is a fabulous book to learn how to talk to the voices in your head this has nothing to do with relationship this has everything to do with the relationship you have with yourself and sadly most humans have a very poor relationship with themselves so then we find ourselves wondering what did I do wrong in this relationship here there's again I said there's a variety of reasons why I might end it what's most important is how are you going to nurture your soul find your inner peace while while he's off going on his his life and it's okay see a healthy relationship is too sovereign human beings following their individual passions coming together as the we is certainly important but they have a solid I as well and so I'm here to say for whatever reason he did this my invitation for you is to nurture your soul give yourself a big gigantic hug and recognize that your value comes from loving yourself not from another person all right hope that help uh Leslie just says not a question got a first text from someone how was your day instantly thought of you Jonathan lol we are due for a first call when he returns from uk trip I don't like texting when we haven't talked yet folks let me just make a suggestion for you Leslie this person could be a scammer immediately do not engage in communication with someone while they're out of town unless you do a FaceTime with one another or a WhatsApp video call with one another do not engage via text messaging you could spend months if not years and so many human beings find themselves in these text relationship only to find out it's not a real person to begin with anyway all right Leslie I hope that helps how's your day going Kim wants to go and add I didn't know what to I didn't know he was going to say that there are four parts the question I know he needs help but I don't know if he'll let me leave a I don't know what that's about Kim you must be I'm a little bit lost there all right DC writes question have you ever considered doing a speaking tour I'd love to see you in person I'm in Chicago yes I would love if you were right folks if anyone wants to arrange a speaking gig for me all I need all I need is the airfare to come out lodging I will not ask to be paid for the event if you put together a group of 10 20 30 40 people all you need to do is cover my airfare I do fly first class and lodging for two nights I'll cover the rest if I stay longer and I'd be happy to do a speaking gig in the city that you live in make that happen DC thanks so much Kim goes on he dumped me on Valentine's Day why is he now calling me saying he's checking in on me you know I tell the story of my there's my picture my oldest son Colin I remember when he was 14 he wanted to get this video game I think it was called Halo and he called me and said dad and we have to go the game comes out at midnight at game or at Best Buy will you help me will you come pick me up and help wait at the store with me we need to get there at like 5 p.m. okay and we did that and I got to the store and by the way we're the 20th person in line and it wasn't until midnight we got there at 5 p.m. wasn't till midnight till it was available so we waited seven hours okay that line was humongous it was two football field long and it must have been 10 feet wide by the time midnight hits okay this is a video game and I remember he got it and he played it and he played it and played it and played it and played it and played it until he got tired of it and he said dad there's a new video game that came out Duke Newcomb will you come wait and why I'm like you're sure but he said there isn't going to be as big a rush so we don't have to get there till around seven or eight or nine at 10 o'clock at night which we did it was available at midnight you actually got it fairly quickly and he played it and played it and played it so I once asked him what happened to Halo he goes yeah I just got tired of it I'm like yeah I go do you ever play it he goes yeah it's on the shelf I just reach for it whenever I want to why am I sharing this see men will treat women like that video game you play it and play it and play it and then when you get tired of it you just put it up on the shelf knowing that so many women are willing to come back see that's I will tell you this is true for men women do this to men men do this to women this is something that's a habitual problem today is this use someone for as much as you want then put them up on a shelf maybe you do a little drip marketing a text message here a hello there and then revisit it because you got tired of playing Duke Newcomb you want to go back to Halo because it's nostalgic that might be the why he's doing it the question is why do you fucking care why do you care that's the real question why would you allow this person in your life see and if you do and it happens again what's the definition of insanity ladies doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result folks character matters you said you got dumped now sometimes when someone ends a relationship you ladies over characterizes being dumped when a person says you're not right for me that's not being dumped that's merely saying I'm not a good fit for you and I'm moving on now you may not be happy with that but you characterizes got dumped okay and that's I get it it sucks it sucks when someone says I'm not interested in in you anymore but just remember they're doing you a favor they're doing you a favor when that happens so the why he's calling you he's most likely a broken man he knows he can go on the shelf and use Halo like I illustrated earlier that helped Kimmy hope it does hey Ireland says thank you Jonathan we haven't even met yet you're very okay good well just keep us posted uh Gigi says I was contacted by an idiot 500 miles away I asked how will we develop a relationship he gave me nonsensical answer I put him in his place then blocked him way to go Gigi don't put up with that crap Leafs in the house holy crap Jonathan great advice sounds like you're the most above most of our pay scale yeah probably no I'm just kidding thank you for that Angel says thank you Jonathan you're candid honesty and transparency you're very welcome Lisa wants to ask why are insecure men on dating apps for the same reason insecure women are on dating apps human beings are desperate to want to feel loved or want connection human beings want that does that mean long term not necessarily but that's the why listen I was a dysfunctional broken man that spent a decade on dating apps during that time I was working on myself and I'm still a train wreck just oh no that's not fair to say I'm a train wreck I am a human being riddled with flaws okay I I'm insecure at times it's just human nature I have yet I have yet to meet the most confident person on the planet I don't care and you name any billionaire believe me they have insecurities okay every human being acts has insecurities women are riddled with insecurities what's that picture of a woman who's drop dead gorgeous looking in a mirror this a cartoon and all she sees is a fat woman and then there's this chunky guy in the mirror doing this and all he sees is Arnold Schwarzenegger human beings are riddled with insecurities that's that's just the reality so you don't why ask that question Lisa we're all most everybody is insecure all right uh McCoy says most guys long distance from me on dating sites tell me distance doesn't matter their reasons if people are in love committed to each other that's what the heart matters yeah people are delusional you know what fucking proximity create proximity creates continuity proximity creates trust it's great by the way let those guys know yeah I'll do long distance as long as you want but you don't get my vagina until we're in a fully committed relationship and we're living together and see how much they'll invest in long distance I crack up with those types of comments not I mean for guys who say that or women who say that you women are just as delusional you'll talk about changing your life truth is changing your life is a fucking event unless you've got a lot of unless you have a lot of freedom okay and a lot of resources and an ability to create a new network of friends moving is a fucking humongous gigantic pain in the ass and it rarely ever works out let me give you an example I once was asked to work with a woman this is a god early in my career Jonathan I met this great guy he's a four-hour car right away okay I said this is going to blow up in your face and she didn't listen to any of my advice and for years on and off we talked and she had a long distance relationship with them most of the time she drove to him okay she was in her mid 40s most of the time she drove to him they decide that they're going to move in together and she was going to uproot her children and she spent one year going to divorce family court just to get custody of her children because her husband said no I don't want you to take the children away from me but she's like I'm in love and it's just going to be so fabulous that you should just be happy for me and she moved in with this man and within six months the relationship imploded as she moved back to the city she lived in you know went through an entire custody battle went through a lot of headaches only to find out that this four-year relationship that was all a bubble relationship didn't work out I have a new philosophy everybody who meets today they decide they want to have sex together have to live together for 90 days and then see if they want to continue with the relationship see how that works the tricky part is the sex part but let me tell you something I'd rather know in 90 days this isn't going to work out versus spend four years and four million dollars of headaches like this woman spent only to find it implode and that's what happened six months into the relationship Mark Marguerite says question what do you think about a man that every time I talk to him about a more solid relationship or living together he says let's see I can't answer you now Marguerite from Florida guess what you say Marguerita you don't get my vagina until you have an answer to this question see how see by the way I know it sounds crass I'm saying this I know it sounds rather I might even seem unprofessional but I'm using humor to illustrate a point he get what's the what are you wrote a post uh said why give wife benefits at girlfriend prices if he's not willing to establish what this relationship is and have deeper conversation about something solid then don't have sex with that guy and see how quickly he changes or most likely will dump you because he's not serious to begin with by the way I have an interview with Rabbi Friedman at the end of this month I heard him say on one of his videos men know within 90 days who they want to marry whether that's an accurate statement or not men know the women they want to be serious with 90 days emotionally broken men will use women for years because they get that occasional companionship occasional connection occasional sex because they're only capable of occasional investment in a relationship so see how he responds to that and let's go from there all right all right let's keep going Angela says can you share some signs a man is falling for a woman I'm dating someone and things seem to be serious to the point he's talking about what he's looking for in a wife that's a good sign um most men progress the relationship forward that's a good sign most men want to meet your family that's a good sign most men talk about their feelings that's a good sign they incorporate you there in your life ultimately men who are serious try to incorporate you into their lives now broken men do this too but they do it but the thing is you know listen when you're with the right guy you're rarely ever questioning the relationship it's when you're with the wrong guy that your gut is telling you something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong but your ego is going but I'll just give more love because if I give him more love he'll finally give me what I want um so coming back to your question um those are a couple signs I think good um good signs to to establish who's probably interested in long term okay not today Satan says not today's my boyfriend of nine months said he is confused about the relationship is asking for time to think he started to become distant a few weeks ago that is not uncommon we go through a cycle of of typically four seasons you know spring summer fall winter or it could be summer fall winter spring that might be a better way of looking summer is because it's hot in the beginning okay um it's very common to reach a point to go have doubt okay it's very common to have doubt and to take time to check in okay I think it's important that we do check in to see if we really capable of long term now the question is most likely he had a short term mating strategy I'm right talked about long term and short term mating strategy he had a short term mating strategy and he gave it nine months and hoping that something about this relationship would change to convert him to a long term mating strategy men with a long term mating strategy know within 90 days of someone they want to be significantly serious with okay so some whatever something did not happen in this dynamic to cause him to want to take this to a long term relationship what's most important for you not today is to nurture your own soul with self-love because whether he comes back or not what's most important is the relationship you have with yourself folks the hardest thing for us human beings is to regulate our own emotions and yet if we have if we're unable to regulate our emotions we're expecting someone else to do it for us and most human beings are terrible at that job don't give the job of regulating your emotions to someone else okay um let's keep going here hey Wanda's in the house I'm on a dating site and these guys now message me and they're already hello beautiful asking questions that's already been answered in profile 70 comes off as a love bomber yes that does happen we sometimes read the profiles and forget I have a terrible memory I have a I sometimes read something and I completely go blank 10 seconds later how many times have you met someone hi Jonathan and you completely forgot their name but they told you your name why didn't you remember my name because we I'm a human being I don't have a good memory so the fact that you didn't read it we ask questions and like me I need repetition for it to sink in and that's the why that's one of the reasons why Leslie says thanks Jonathan we met on hinge a few messages back and forth he does he does seem legit he was leaving for UK with family so we're supposed to talk soon exchange numbers and he sent me that text message ask for a FaceTime don't listen my suggestion do a FaceTime do a FaceTime do a FaceTime do a WhatsApp video if you're going to talk do that and don't text until you have that FaceTime view of them okay does everyone agree with that please let me know Lisa says preach it Jonathan well thank you so much all right uh Lisa also goes on want to remind me at least you did personal development work yes I've done a shitload of work and I'm still a mess not a mess I'm just human is all I want to say gee wartman says why would a 70 year old man still play games in romance it's disenchanting to say the least I'm 62 what the fuck look at most human beings are are actually might be adult in the world but they're emotional children just as I said earlier roughly 60 of the population excuse me 80 percent of the population is emotionally uh stunted have terrible relationship skills that's the vast majority so why playing games with romance because you know what because sometimes games works on women think of all the women that fall for all the stupid games does anyone remember and just think about the book the rules this was all about game playing if you use these games you will land a guy by the way he'll be an emotionally dysfunctional guy he'll be a guy that probably wounded you'll land that guy but games work because we human beings are stupid that's why doesn't make it right just makes it what it is all right let's keep going Ballard says I agree with Jonathan thank you so much all right let's keep going what does court I didn't read this we're emotional beings that's our fucking problem logically it makes sense to cut these losers off exactly but we can't because we're stupid yeah when I say the word stupid many people um are so wounded that they're delusional okay that's part of the reality the other thing is we're so desperate for love that sometimes we do the stupidest things thinking it works think of when you were a child all the stupid things you do I remember skateboarding in a swimming pool and I had no clue how to do it and I broke you know I injured myself okay wasn't the smartest thing to do because I was a child I didn't know the importance of responsibility and we are emotional children out there no wonder there's emotionally broken men and women out there that's why I'm just giving you some clues on how to spot them that says emotionally broken men play the victim yes broken men and broken women typically always operate from victor victim consciousness because sadly we here in the united states are suckling on the nipple because we we we validate victim consciousness so many look at our politics validates victim consciousness no wonder we're so messed up here all right let's keep going sunshine as a question I belong to an ethnic ethnic minority the majority of men here are white but they prefer white women how do I get them to be interested in me you know I'm trying to think how to answer that well I would say that you here's the thing you believe that's true so it is true for you I also suspect that it's there is a minority of men who are white who are interested in women who are an ethnic minority you said the majority of men but there's still a minority of men that would be interested in you so I want you to say it's raining great men it's raining great men it's raining great men who are interested in me it's raining great men that are interested in me no matter what their color of the skin is it's raining great men because a majority just means 51 percent that could mean 49 percent 39 percent 29 percent are interested in you so don't focus on the majority just focus on a good man being interested in you when we shift our thought process we become a more of a magnetic attractor for what we want okay oh Jennifer's in wait Jennifer's in the house I'm joining late and this conversation is right up my alley so many men scream help or I have issues because I'm wounded or traumatized yes men and women alike both this is not a male thing or this is a or female thing this is a human thing and just like sunshine wants to remind us it's raining great men who are interested in me exactly all right you know what I'm I'm getting kind of tired here um when I mean I'm getting tired I'm almost running out of breath um so I think this would be a great place to wrap up did you find value in this if you did please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel please hit that notification bell please tell your friends and let's do a last ditch effort listen we've already collected about $20 for the Conor Asley scholarship fund I'd love to donate $50 today so anyone who's got to this point watching hit that dollar sign donate by purchasing a super sticker super chat but let's get up to $50 we're only $30 away from it tonight I'd love to give to those charities that I talked about whether it's the Hoffman process insight institute or seeds of love if you got this far and you have something to say please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video if I shared something that was of value to you write it down I'd like to hear about it I read almost every single question most everybody here on knows I read almost every single question or every single comment so if you got this far I'd love for you to share something and again if you find value in this please hit that super sticker button that's super thanks button if you're watching the replay I'd love to donate some money tonight all right I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video I'm going to wrap it up as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Pauline and sunshine and Margaret and Lisa and Leafs and S dot and Sabi and heaven sent to Margaret and Wanda and Jennifer and Happy Hippo and Ballard of Janey and Teresa and Gigi Michelle everyone thanks so much oh Kimberly thanks again be well talk to you soon bye now