 Cut no Action is the word action. Yes, so we're live. You're looking at the camera that one the map Yes, let's no screen Hello and welcome to another episode here Me plus you is us. Yes My name is Kwame hi, I'm Elaine. Okay. Yes done enough with that So, yeah, welcome to another video right here on the channel. It's good to have you. It's a lovely lovely day I mean, I don't know when you're gonna be watching this, but we're happy to be here. Yeah So today we're gonna talk about something a bit of time travel, you know Yeah, I mean what would you or what advice would you give your younger self? What dating yeah What's relationship and dating advice would you give your younger self? Okay. Yeah, if you could do it all over again as you can see from my face, this wasn't my idea Yeah, so what they think advice would you give your younger self if you could do it all over again I mean, yeah, we've all been through it Through a lot, you know all the ups and downs and you know thinking that at some point You think that's well, I think I don't think this Relationship thing is for me and I don't think It wasn't even proper so not it's not it doesn't yeah Thinking that this relationship thing is probably not for me and I'm done But if you are doing well fairly well in whatever relationship you're in at this moment looking back then What would you tell your younger self if you could? Yeah, so it's like You say interstellar kind of moments. Yeah Where I put if I could go back and say something with the books. Yes, and that's what I would do you do Exactly you nerd What would I tell myself I think of my first Approach to relationships back then was so stuck on Star science and horoscopes really yes How because I've never heard you mentioned that when we were in a relationship because I dropped it. Okay. Yeah Okay, so tell us so I was always thinking and please forgive us There's a lot of noise in the neighborhood construction going on. So I was so stuck on reading star science and horoscopes and characteristics and compatibility and These things often tell you that oh Maybe you're not compatible with say a Taurus or a Virgo because of your characteristics So how you behave and how they behave and how generally people from these star science Don't work together. Yeah So anytime I would approach somebody I'll start off in somebody I like and then They tell me oh, I'm a Taurus and then I I don't say it immediately, but I just say in my head like hmm So you studied all the star science I read I read the ones you're compatible with Yes, and non-compatible with as well But who brought this concept to you or you just woke up one day like no I mean star science word like available. It's like social media high five all those places you see it everywhere Wow, you such a such a child It's so much child pride Yeah, so I mean you saw it on social media in news papers even yeah Yeah, yeah magazines horoscopes you see all those things and I'm like, okay, so before I like this girl I need to make sure that she's within the space of what's you know Drop it. That's what I'll tell my younger self the first thing I'll tell my younger So what about other star science now because I'm a Virgo and you're Libra. I don't know I just like I just really like you Yeah, that's all I could say I just really like you but it goes well because if you're because of her meticulous And you're not really like that so many At this point my love. I don't care. I said we work We're working and we want to work. That's all that counts. So younger self drop this horoscope matchy matchy and Making excuses for your behavior or making excuses for their behavior and basing it on all because they are Gemini that's why we didn't work out Find what the truth is Yeah, yeah, that's my first thing. I'll tell my own yourself Yeah, okay, what is yours? I Don't really have a good point. I Don't really regret anything honestly. Oh, I Mean everything happens for a reason, right? Yeah I am somebody who has a lot has had a lot of long relationships. I didn't fool around a lot I don't think it's also for me What I Just funny really awkward Like the times I was fooling around with somebody because it's not clear like where we stand and it just gets in my head It's not for me. I like it more when you are stable with somebody and you start exploring together. Yeah I'm also wondering if one I sense really work for women because I don't think so That's an interesting one we can talk about if one nice that's actually do work for women or not I don't know because I think that how women experience sexuality is a bit more layered And for one person to get it immediately that one night unless you're a magician I'm sure those people exist, but in my experience it didn't really work out with one nice Yeah, so I wanted to say like don't be so serious because I had like so that's what you told your younger self Yeah, but okay, let me let me finish. Okay, but don't be so serious with being advised But then I mean I had a long relationship in high school like four years and then after that I was a year Yeah Single but then I went into college and then I immediately found my then boyfriend and I had a relationship for like six years or five years, I don't remember and and then I was single again Then I had some full-around things, but it wasn't and then I met you, so Really boring It's not but you you what I appreciate with your transition was that after every relationship you took time to at least Chill yeah have fun. Yeah, and you know just be by myself for a little bit And even if you're having fun with other people wasn't enjoying People's company even if it's just in the moment or it's short and Enjoying sex or whatever it is. I think it's It's okay to do that for yourself after relationship. Yeah, I think so too, but I mean I didn't like it was fine But it wasn't something that I I get a thrill out of not like how it's like romanticized in Like mainstream media that one I spent the best way to get over somebody to get on that the next yeah But that one for me, I don't know I like it more like exploring with the person and like so you can build on it. Yeah, so Are you? Yeah, so I think our base of what you just said I'll tell my younger self No, I will tell my younger self not to Make relationships like define the identity around relationships because I always saw myself as a It's a relationship person. I said I was happier I like it when I'm with somebody and so when one didn't work. I felt like oh, I I Yes, I needed to know I didn't feel Okay, not because there was a breakup, but I felt like You by yourself. Yes, or living with Exploring with somebody is always nicer than exploring by yourself. So I think there was no there was no There was not yes, so much confidence in self The solitude or enjoying your own like, you know will to be Yes, there's not so much comfort in that I sort the comfort in Knowing that you have your person So yeah, I will tell I'll tell my younger self to chill You know when there was when one didn't work out That it was okay that if you were exploring something with somebody It also didn't necessarily mean that when you had something or a good chemistry with somebody it automatically meant that they should be the one Yeah, yeah, I think I'll tell my younger self that that if you had something nice something, you know flowing, you know those Crushes that last two weeks and then you don't speak again. Those ones you just allow us Yeah Like you know those there are times when you find somebody that you think like you gel so much and you talk so often every day And then it's finished and then there's nothing more to talk about and it becomes awkward and then it eventually fades It's gone like it's not you're not relationship. So it's not a breakup those phases. Yeah I'll just I'll just tell my younger self that it's okay to just But I feel now you are very more you enjoy your company your own for company a lot Yeah, so when did that shift then over time because I also didn't Tell myself not to try again or even though there was one that's made me think that's huh The first one the first breakup which I was dumped Yeah, I thought oh, that's it I'm single and only for life I was imagining myself as a cat woman like it's 17 cats Yeah, so I would tell my younger self. Yeah, it's okay to just Be by yourself for a while and just you know look at other things Yeah, I think you also firmly believe in like the one kind of concept. I think so Yeah, no, I can't drop that. Oh, should I drop that? I don't think I believe in the one one any more Very much looking for the one. Yes. I was I had been looking for and That's also another thing When you actively look for it It doesn't really work. You have to work on yourself and when you're ready, you'll meet the person Yeah, if you keep yourself like oh, I am who I am. I don't believe in that And I think my I only have two advice for But I did it so it's more like in retrospect, it was a good Intuitive move. Yeah, so don't settle so before I met Kwame I was in a long relationship with my college boyfriend and I wasn't really okay. Maybe I should say this I don't have this number so I can't ask permission No, no, no, I'm just gonna mention the situation. So I really got along well and Like we're really serious. Yeah, like I was somebody I could we both knew we could spend our lives together if we wanted But there's always this small voice telling me that I wasn't I wasn't his number one priority. Oh, so he was quite Self-centered, okay, for example, we were in a relationship for four or five years I don't really remember and He barely knew any of my friends Only one friend knew him because she liked talking to him, but all the others he didn't really he didn't really make an effort Make an effort. No, and I always put it as oh, he's shy You're making excuses for four years making excuses for so It came to a point where I was like, I don't I think there must be something Bigger than this. This is fine It's comfortable But I feel there is more to it like there's more out there and that was a weird transition because I wasn't sure of course and You kind of gonna end something because of something you believe or feel you don't have any proof. Yeah, but still I was like, no, I think Even though we still love each other, I don't think this is it. I'm settling for something. Yeah, and That was a hard breakup But in the end I'm happy I did it because when I met you you're very clear about your priorities and what I want what you want Yeah, like probably puts me on number one. Sometimes even above himself and And not that that's what I always need but How to say it's just like he's really sure it is really building We are really building together and you're convinced about that and You are taking care of me instead of me taking care of the other person, which I do but Yes, and I'm not giving away as much as I used to give away. Yeah, it's more balanced. It's more centered So I'm happy. I didn't settle Because I could have easily settled if I didn't have listened to That voice like there might be more. I think I would just say that My next advice will be the same thing. Oh Yeah, I'm not so what brought you to that the twice to not settle. Yeah If I had settled we do not be here if I thought the relationships because I had a few relationships And there are some that I thought were also it But in retrospect when you when you look back at some of the things that were happening and then you find somebody who You know for me, I always keep saying it that it was the fight that I saw in you and when I say that fight, I mean that You're not ready to let a squabble Decide whether we'll be together or not or that I was compatible enough or not, you know most people Which brings me to My next advice I would give myself but Most people do not know how to Deal with the after after math of the honeymoon phase When things become normal when things become real when things become Like okay, you're going to actually have arguments proper arguments heavy ones and It's scary for them because they think or the idea of love when you love love Or when you are in love with the idea of what love is instead of the person and the reality that follows then it becomes very difficult for you to come to terms with arguments that seem to You know make it feel like this shouldn't work or this wouldn't work meanwhile if you take a step back and dissect whatever is on the table and if the person is also willing That's the part that I said the fight that I loved the person's willingness to also, you know bring their share of Solutions and be like an equal Conversation is communicationists. I don't know if you're like, you know to solve the issue and and be okay with it Yeah, not like ego against ego. Yeah You're willing to be vulnerable with each other. Yeah, so that's one of the aspects which I find that a lot of people lose possible Good relationships on when they eventually think or immediately sorry think that nah As for this fight, we're not gonna come back from it. Yeah, and then they decide that, you know what? Yeah, that's it because they are so stuck on not opening up to understanding and Empathizing with where the person is coming from. You don't have to agree. You can empathize. Yeah, you can understand and not agree Yeah, you can understand where somebody's coming coming from and then and then that's where you get the energy to build a bridge You know, I do also think that In in media and all the things we see like movies and stuff. We see a lot of the honeymoon phase, right? Yeah, so you see them ending up together. That's the end. Yeah Yeah, you'll never see the messiness of what happens after and sometimes I think it's a pity because The most interesting things happen after you not fall out of love But when you not have the butterflies and all these things when you're starting the butterflies don't die But they stop flapping as fast. Yeah, that's what I say They don't die at all because there are points when nice nice metaphor, yeah There's times when you see the person After you've been together for long and you just get the same feeling again like wow, like, you know, this is really happening But it's not gonna be happening every day. That's what you should remember after the honeymoon phase So the butterflies don't die ever if you really love the person if you truly love the person They don't ever die, but they stop but it kind of transforms as well. Like it's not like love like in the beginning when Somebody touch you and you have that like buzzing feeling like electricity. Yeah I mean sometimes I still have the way you do that, but it's not like all the time anymore So it kind of transforms from that platonic not platonic like I mean on the surface Yeah, love to more like when Kwame's doing something really great. I'm really proud of him then the deeper Sense of it more like deeper into it. Yeah Do your exes have like a common team? In what sense like do they have something in common? Oh, I should answer your question first and then you can think maybe I Don't know about the common team except me being the common Well, I'm sure we're all beautiful inside out. Oh, yeah as well as well. I like pretty That's a weird thing for me. I've always did so my physically my ex exes and my current husband Anything common, but there are all very authentic people. So they were all doing their own thing. They were not like Trying to fit in I Generally fall easily for people Who are creative and kind of curious and then do there are not like yeah, they're not fitting in and Okay, it intrigues me. Okay. Yeah So in that case put the pictures next to each other and there's in that case, none of my you don't have anything in common You're just dating randomly this one this one this one. No, I don't have I don't think they have yeah, they don't have In that drawing me to you kind of thing No No In that sense. No, I think I'm going over another advice my last advice. Do you have more advice? I don't have Okay, my last advice would be to Trust my process because looking now back at past relationship. I'm really easy to kind of Beat myself over the fact like oh, I should have broken up a long time before Yeah, could have saved another year of my life me single Because when I commit I really commit like I give everything. I'm super loyal like I'm like a golden retriever Wow, yeah, it's true. Like how I committed to even have gold retriever her on your face. Um, I Committed to you. That's how I commit. It's a decision. It's an active decision. And then I just dedicate myself to that I really commit with everything I have. Yeah, and now looking back at it. It's a beautiful Characteristic rights being able to fully give yourself, but oh my god girl like I would have been a bit more critical. I think I would have not stayed in the relationship as long as long Yes But on yet that's why but I'm trying not to be hard on myself over that because apparently I needed that year to really figure out Like, okay, this is not and then also be because when I make a decision, I don't come back from it So if I break up with you, I break up with you. There's no maybe Yeah, so I'm trying to also Maybe it's already working because in the beginning of the video says I wouldn't do anything different But I had a period where I would beat myself up over not listening better to myself But it's a process after trust your process apparently I needed that time to really Make up my mind and move myself forward. Yeah, so it's okay. Yeah, and in the end we are here. So yeah Sometimes we're like, oh, this is really happening, you know, and Even the most like daily stuff people call that mundane, right? Yes, most mundane things are nicer with you. So saying So we want to ask you as well what advice or what dating advice would you give your younger self put it in the comments below and let us know what dating advice you give a younger self and Yeah, one-night sense work for you. Wow I would like to know especially if you're women, but maybe I don't think maybe maybe I'm not in the circle of one-night stands, but maybe that there's a culture of it I'm not aware. I I don't think even people when people do it. They do Kiss and tell like oh, I'm a staunch. I know. I don't know. I don't know if there's a So, I don't know there's that but I'm just asking what dating advice you would give your younger self If you could talk to him Yeah, yeah, and don't forget to like the video Subscribe if you already haven't my name is Kwame and I'm Elaine and this is me plus you We'll catch you in the next video Thank you for watching. Thanks for watching You didn't do your Bye