 Okay, which chair which chair feels more doctorly for you Which that one feels more doctorly, but this one is giving me fuzzy vibes So I like this one. Well, this one actually matches my outfit. So I'm Actually a secret fear of mine that like everything that I say is like narcissistic, you know, like What do you prefer shane? This is Brady For shane, that's even a conversation itself. It literally is I have this conversation like how do you want to be called? Yeah, what do you want to be called because people are like you need to refer to me as missus I'm like, oh Yeah, that in itself would be like note right strips. We'll go back to that Hello there lovers and friends. Let's talk about today's video. Okay. It's long overdue and it's extremely necessary today I'm having my first ever official Therapy session and that just sounds mind-boggling to even say that out loud But that is the truth and I'm doing this video to hopefully inspire anyone who like me was on the fence for a very long time About seeking out professional mental help. Well, this is your wake-up call to go on ahead and just clear that fence jump over it And don't look back. This video is inspired by and also sponsored by a service called better help Which offers online professional counseling? Best of all, it's accessible. It's affordable. It's convenient And there's three there's four actually different ways you can interact with the counselor based on what your comfort level is Better help has only licensed and credentialed therapists who are on call waiting just for you They have all been certified by their state board. For example, my therapist Keondra Jackson. Hello, everybody My name is Keondra Jackson. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist here in the state of California I'm also known as America's number one relationship therapist I have been featured on so many different amazing platforms like the Emmy award-winning TV show the doctors BET Vice Fox, and I've been named by the Huffington Post as one of the top 10 black female therapists You should know I am have the privilege of being on so many amazing apps out there Especially better help which allows me to speak with people all over the state to get the benefits that they need for mental Health services that may not necessarily want to come to my office So have you ever got a therapy before I have gone a therapy listen everybody out there listen I'm gonna look into the camera for this one. If your therapist does not have a therapist. Please run I always tell people that when I was looking for my therapist seven years ago I went through seven different clinicians before I found the right person right do not give up Because it might take you seven times like me But on the seventh time you find somebody that you're gonna stick with for an eternity You know what I mean, and I wouldn't trade trade my therapist for the world I'm gonna ask you a fill-in-the-blank question. Okay therapy is for Therapy is for because I was about to say everybody right Like for sure therapy is for the person who Is experiencing something emotionally within them, and they're not sure what it is Something's going on internally, but you can't really pinpoint. It's just like I know I'm not myself. Yes That's who therapy is for which is I so parallel to what the doctor's for totally my stomach I don't look at this weird thing and aside with a gassy of late. Yeah, that's a perfect way of putting it Yeah, and I also think and I'm learning this for my personal life I think therapy is also for the people like us who have so many amazing things happening in their lives and Moving at light speed and you need to process it and you need to process it with someone Objective not your friend not your home girl not your family member who is all up in it someone That's like whoa, this is really amazing. How are you developing into the person that you're supposed to be it's not always about the negative You know people think like oh, I'm depressed. I'm sad I just have this breakup my life isn't shambles, and I'm like you can go to therapy when things are good, too Yeah, it's okay to do that because it's really about maintenance You want to make sure you're maintaining your mental health So if something does happen you already have the tools to handle it Mm-hmm. That's the most important thing. You know what's funny about you gave me this incredible form to fill out prior Yes, which I really did enjoy doing and I didn't anticipate enjoying it so much But even the first page of like what is your name and race? I'm like, oh, this is already That's hilarious So that's why I wanted to make sure that you prefer that I call you Shan. Yes, that's you not Mrs. Brady and all of that That's a new one I think my thing more, so it was like Shan versus Shannon Gotcha, which is a very weird distinction for me But like genuinely I've hated my name my whole life and I grew up spelling my name s-h-e-n-a-n Like why I'm just like just to make it something different And I remember I met this girl maybe like when I was maybe 20 and her name was Shan I was like just ninja. She's like no just Shan That's like I wish my name was just and and then I was like why can't it be and that's really what that first page Is about is really your identity so even some people get stuck on the ethnicity or the race because you're accustomed to the boxes Yeah, which gives me a chance to check absolutely, and so I liked that it was just like fill it in and then I'm like identity crisis Sometimes it doesn't give you the opportunity to say, you know what my mom is what half black and half white Right and my dad is Guyanese. Yes, so it allows me to learn more about you versus just checking those boxes I mean, there's not any box and lights. I think I neatly fit inside of like even career-wise So like that in itself was like a nice exercise. Awesome. Yeah So as I was looking through your questionnaire One of the things or two of the things that really stood out to me that I want to talk to you about is strengths and weaknesses Oh, yeah. Yes, you stated your strengths were bold smart funny Hardworking and thoughtful. Mm-hmm. Not only do I see as strengths, but I see as things that I want to be They're also goals. Okay. They're goals of mine that I have in mind when I talk to people So I want for no matter what if I walk away and someone's like smarts number one Mm-hmm. That's the most important thing to me in the whole entire world Mm-hmm. Someone walks away and says she's smart like that's that's mission accomplishing accomplished So tell me about these weaknesses. You also put bold as a weakness And you also put bold as a strength. So you put bold Unemphatetic and somewhat robotic. Yes. So that's very different than how I Imagine or how you present to be so tell me about You know a friend of mine nicknamed me Shanbot because really I I mean maybe you might actually relate to this in that I love like looking at the Macro versus micro. So if someone tells me specific I'm like, I'll lend it back to a behavior study that I read or something interesting that I found And if someone tells me a personal story often, I'm like statistically this many people can relate to what you're saying I'm a love it or hate it personality. I've got my whole life. I can relate to that in high school There's probably a pretty Depending on who you talk to I could be the worst person or the best person very rarely you need to be like Take it really but she's kind of there or not there. Yeah, you have a perspective on me Yeah, and so my boldness I think works my benefit and sometimes and sometimes I'll say things to people I don't even realize it's offensive because I'm just like chatting and then later on I'm like, ah, like I'm so grateful like Jared is So empathetic and so mindful that's a good balance I also love it about myself, but I recognize that I could do a better job of channeling it when it's appropriate Mm-hmm. Gotcha. So since you talked about that just now like let's let's go there a little bit So how are your relationships? Let's talk about maybe like family and even friendships and then maybe even your your Relationship with your spouse. I like your partner. I have a really awesome I mean, I think a primary reason why I thought of therapy is not a fit for me It's because I'm like I have incredible relationships like that is the number one thing that I pride myself. That's really good It's my great accomplishment. I mean mind you it's accomplishments like you The wrong word because my parents gifted that to me. They had a great relationship. We have a great relationship They made it really a big emphasis. I mean my sister bonded and so like that was the base I was actually have this conversation with Jada the day that I'm like and sometimes I feel ungrateful if I'm unhappy in life Knowing that I have this amazing gift that is love support and stability from people I care about I'm like I feel ungrateful for even being miserable some days. I'm like like bitch. What's wrong with you? Yeah What are you like sad about I think that that's something that you should hold on to yeah Because that's not something that everybody has right. I told you about even like my experiences growing up how you know I didn't see a healthy relationship and it's funny that you mentioned that because and this may not be your your scenario, but oftentimes when People say that they have two-parent homes right people automatically assume it was perfect. It was great It was loving, but I've also seen a lot of dysfunction when people stay together too. Yeah Like was your parents breaking up for you because you were tense you kind of saw and so are you grateful or were you Yeah, you know what at the time I was crushed because I was like You know, but as I got older I understood why it needed to happen and that really shaped me and prepared me for the work that I do now But I'm interested to find out like how are you and Jay? Since you guys have such different upbringings parenting styles rearing and all of that stuff like how does that play into? Conflict resolution with you guys especially because you have both your parents at the house, right? So what did they model for you in regards to how to resolve conflict? You know what's bizarre is that like we my sister and I were our parents therapists from a young age Wow, I mean like we they would be in many ways Maybe that's not healthy that we would be in the middle of arguments picking sides Because they'd be like here's what happened and then we'd pick a sudden who was right or to talk about it It'd be a lot of family work. That's just so I really approach Arguments or a conflict from that standpoint of like it's holistic. Let's all talk about this like let's get everything on the table It's not like we have to pretend we're perfect When you mentioned to that your parents will bring you guys in how old were you kind of like in on those conversations with light Oh, pick a side type thing like eight ten. Yeah, I remember like it's really early on. Yeah. Yeah I was thinking that oftentimes that could be a form of printed Being parentified so bring bring bringing. Excuse me bringing a child into an adult situation, right when you're a You should be worried about like, let's go play Hang out and enjoy life and let's go sister like let's go ride our skates And you know versus being caught into Adult conversations right on like whose side you're gonna pick it's like kind of but it's also really cool Like especially from a standpoint of my sister is like a perfect human being like she is the benchmark of humanity But she's a killer conflict resolution So I would watch her work mm-hmm in all it's served a purpose You know how like some kids work really young mm-hmm, and you're like you should be playing But you're like actually I kind of like work in the shop and like I learned a lot of skills along the way Yeah, so like maybe I could have been outside skateboarding, but ultimately like I learned a lot of business skills at a very young age So a few of the things that really stood out to me was that you stated that you often have frequent worry and tension Yeah, I'm telling a little bit about it. I mean I'm a freelancer and I'm not in I'm an immigrant You know so for a long part of me even coming to America as a single woman living by myself Yeah, so I'm always in a stick stability is not a part of my life Mm-hmm. That's how this competition with somebody about I think everybody needs dressed in their life just as healthy Absolutely, and so if you have a stressful career, that's why for me like relational stress is just not an option Because I'm already in a chaotic world I already have that that makes I don't get called back sometimes like an inconsistent reward Like I already get that from one area. So actually ask question Do you feel like the use of the word depression is a positive thing or a negative thing? I think in this society we use it so Just free now that it's starting to to concern me and I spoke about this last night actually There's something different between like Clinical depression where like I may need to go on medication or I'm feeling so horrible internally And or there may be a chemical imbalance versus like I'm just sad today or I just had a bad day, you know Or I'm making a slew of bad decisions and my life as a result of that is not pleasurable Totally so I'm worried that we're using that term just so freely and it's not really applicable to What's really going on and it makes me wonder for people who really do have depression How It feels to hear someone's talk about it in a different manner and they're like that's not different Let me let me tell you what real depression is, you know So it bothers me it worries me a little bit where we're going with it But I think people should be a little bit more cautious with the words that they use But the good news is is that in either case go to therapy either case right either case So I love that either case get some help make sure that you're on track. Yeah, awesome. Awesome. Awesome So tell me also so for someone who is seems so vibrant Um kicking butt in your area of influence doing so many tv speaking engagements and all of that stuff Tell me about the social discomfort that you experience because you check often on that check mark box I don't mind it by myself, but my roboticness and that like Smart bold funny like those are the goals. Yeah, if I'm in a social interaction I don't feel like I hit those goals And I'm like I left feeling scattered or I love feeling uncompelling Or maybe I left feeling like I didn't get to really Exercise where I'm strong at I will leave with like disappointment in myself. I got you So I'm like constantly grading. I'm like b plus C minus gotta c minus today. I'm gonna aim for that b next time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's real Is that good or bad? I'm not sure. I can't say that it's good or bad But I think the fact that you're aware of it is Crucial right and it also speaks to the people who really know you right versus Your social media followers who may not know you personally or whoever the case may be right You know what I've been struggling with of late of just like the overall concept Yeah, like people's opinions don't matter. Yeah, but then it's like Do that we live in a cooperative society. We're social animals And like we could never survive alone and on top of that too like so much of society Based on supply and demand and like in order to successfully whether you're selling toilet paper or you're selling yourself like people's opinions Matters because I am subject to so many people's opinions. Yeah all the time. Yeah Um, I am just like I actually took a sabbatical from OPP other people's perspectives. I love it. I love it. I love it But I'm just like I don't know how much we're really Where do I sit on that of like because I actually do think there's positive constructive criticism I'm always I'm not somebody who believes in like a self. I don't believe I am who I am I believe I am whoever I consistently choose to be gotcha and sometimes I can choose better And so it's nice to actually be in a place people criticize you because you're like, I wouldn't have noticed that It may have taken me seven years to notice that but it's being pointed out in this specific way I also feel like there's a lot of people who have opinion on stuff Then and their opinion is so irrelevant You don't matter at all whether it's Someone close or not You have to decide for you What that looks like Can I draw something out for you really quick? Yeah In the middle, right? That circle there Is literally who you want to be closest to you with but then this little this lane or this circle out here It's people who you want to be close to you but they have a little distance and then these are people on the outside who you're like I don't care How close you are to me, but you're going to have some way distance I would definitely draw one more circle in there for me. Let's you're closer Well far out and then it is like supporters and people who follow me who have an invested interest in what I do Who I actually do consider them to be somewhat close So I do consider them their opinion to to matter and then it's just like The noise gotcha, but sometimes it's hard to differentiate the supporters from the noise Creating those barriers between you and other people Can really help you have a lot more sanity because if you're so readily accessible, right? They know you're going to read that comment. They know you're going to respond to gm They're going to be more opt to kind of pull on you, you know, and then as helpers, right? We feel guilty like man that person really needed our help, but I really don't have the capacity to To do it, you know So we have to find a place within ourselves to say, you know what? I am going to give them a resource where they can get help. I don't necessarily have to always be the resource Like better help Like better help and that was it That was my first therapy session My cherry is officially popped and if you do feel like you're ready to take that extra step I do recommend that you try out better help but before I push you in that direction I have to address a controversy that they had I believe in october of last year in which on youtube and specificity the validity of their therapist was being called into question I took this very seriously as i'm sure many of you did because the last thing that you want is For people who have been a little shy about getting therapy To go and put their trust in a service that hasn't done the work and ensuring that every single person Who claims to be a health care provider has done the work has gone to school has gotten necessary exams is certified Is licensed etc So I spoke with a better help rep and they assured me that they are extremely rigorous in their vetting process And every single person has to be licensed has to be certified Has to have at least three years of professional experience and i've done 2000 hours before they even get to you Best of all, there's a 100 percent money back guarantee So if you do try the service and you don't connect with the person one or two You didn't really feel like it was the best help for you No problem You get your money back and then hopefully you continue your search If you actually join better help and you live in california You might just get partnered with keyondra and then we'll have the same therapist How cute will that be you can go in the info box below to find all of her links to learn more about her And also in the info box, of course Is information on better help a service that allows you to get the help that you need from licensed and credentialed therapists and counselors With better help there is financial aid for those who qualify and for everyone else It's a monthly subscription fee So you don't have to be counting the sessions or feeling bad About how often you want to reach out and speak to somebody and get the help that you truly need The service once again is available worldwide and it has a 100 percent money back guarantee The most crucial thing is that you feel like it's the help that you need and if it isn't Don't worry. You get your coins back in your purse and you can continue to search for a service that does fit your needs But above all else, I want you guys to be dedicated to this venture and i'm going to be on this venture with you Let's continue to challenge ourselves to Treat our mental health and to take care of ourselves in this specific way And that being said, I have a question for all of you in the comment section If you have never gone to therapy before Which I was a part of your group just a few short hours ago But if you've never gone to therapy before why not what's been holding you back And if you have gone to therapy before tell us about your experience and how it has benefited your life Ain't surprising