 Lucky Strike presents the Jack Benny program, but first here's an important message from the National Tobacco Tax Research Council. Last fiscal year, Uncle Sam did pretty well in balancing the national budget. After paying all expenses, he had a neat three and a half billion dollars left over in the surplus kitty. You cigarette smokers helped to sweeten that kitty by contributing over one and a half billion dollars in federal cigarette taxes. Yes, every time you buy a pack of cigarettes, you give the federal government eight cents. And most of you get three or four cents more to city and state governments. That adds up to better than a fifty percent tax. Remember, in buying cigarettes, over half your packs go for tax. And now the Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, get better taste, be happy, go lucky, get better taste today. Friends, tear and compare. See for yourself that luckies are made better to taste better. From a newly opened pack, take a cigarette made by any other manufacturer. Carefully tear a thin strip of paper straight down the seam from end to end. And gently remove the tobacco. In tearing, be sure not to loosen or dig into the tobacco. Now do exactly the same with the Lucky Strike. Then compare. Some cigarettes are too loosely packed. Some even fall apart. But Lucky, see how it stays together, a perfect cylinder of fine, mild tobacco. Now what does this mean to you as a smoker? It means exactly this. Because your Lucky is round and firm and fully packed, you avoid annoying loose ends that spoil the taste. Hot spots that burn harsh and dry. Because your Lucky has long strands of fresh, clean, good tasting tobacco, it burns evenly. Smokes smooth and mild. Yes, tear and compare. Prove to yourself that luckies are made better to taste better. Then make your next carton Lucky Strike. Center in San Diego, the Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny. With Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Taylor, sportsman Quartet and yours truly, Doc. Well, Center in San Diego, we bring you a man who was so proud of his career in the Navy, he had an anchor tattooed on the sleeve of his underwear, Jack Benny. Oh, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, you can joke about my career in the Navy if you want to, but I was a great seaman. In fact, I was the only sailor aboard who could be depended upon to batten down the hutches. I remember one... Wait a minute, Jack. Huh? You mean you batten down the hutches? No, down the hutches. Things were so quiet, our admiral was raising rabbits. He had hundreds of them. Jack, I meant to ask you something. When you went into the service, how come you decided to join the Navy? Well, it was family tradition, Don. You see, my grandfather, Lieutenant Commander Hop along Benny, was in the Navy. And... Hop along Benny? Yes, he was the only man to ride a torpedo side saddle. Poor fella. He never should have dug his spurs into it. He joined the Navy and the world saw him. Anyway, Don. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. When did? Mary, what's the matter with you? Why are you so out of breath? Well, I just came over here from the Navy Exchange. The Navy Exchange? Well, that's just a short walk from here. I know, but it's a fast run with 150 sailors chasing you. I mean, don't be silly, Mary. Sailors don't chase after girls. They don't chase after girls. They don't, eh? No. Since twins are large butterfly nets part of their equipment. Mary, you got nothing to worry about. The boys here are a nice bunch of fellas. Oh, I know they are, Jack. And did you notice how young they all are? Yes, but then when I was in the Navy, I was young. So was the Navy. Mary, you should have been here a few minutes ago. I was telling Don about my career as a sailor during the First World War. Some career? What? You joined the Navy, went to sleep, fell out of your hammock, bumped your head, and when you came to, the war was over. Oh, yeah, if all I did in the Navy was bump my head, why did they give me that ribbon? That was a band aid, and you know it. Look, Mary, you know it, and I know it, but you have to tell everybody. Mind me, why can't you just once? Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I'm Chief Petty Officer Jones. Oh, how do you do? My job is to see that you're well taken care of during your visit here. Now, is there anything special you would like for dinner? Well, uh, let me see. Could you hurry it up, Mr. Benny? I've got to go around and ask all the sailors what they'd like to eat. What other boys stationed here usually have? Oh, some of them order crepes Suzettes. And others prefer filet mignon saute with a wine sauce. I see. And then there are those who are partial to baked pheasant under glass. Gee, is that the kind of food the enlisted men in the Navy get? No, but as long as we're on the air, let's do a little recruiting. Mary, this fellow has the right idea. Well, Jack, I had lunch at the mess hall today, and the food is excellent. I know, I know. Oh, say, Jack, we're going back to Los Angeles tomorrow night, aren't we? No, no, Don. I've changed my mind. We'll be here on the base till Wednesday. Why? Because Tuesday is payday. Well, look, what's the sailors' payday got to do with Jack? He's got a jukebox and a keg of draft beer in the back of his car. He lifts the lights place over, and he says Benny's canteen. Well, you're a fine winter talk. You're getting 10 cents a dance over here. Don't be so... Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, everybody. Hey, Dennis, you missed rehearsal today. Well, I'm sorry, but I just got to San Diego a few minutes ago. Wait a minute. You just got to San Diego a few minutes ago? But I thought you left Los Angeles last Thursday. I did. Well, what took you so long? I ran into a lot of traffic in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City? Dennis, why in the world would you go from Los Angeles? Mary, Mary, take my advice. Don't ask us. Just drop the subject. But Jack, maybe he had very important business in Salt Lake City. Huh? Or maybe a relative was sick or something. Yeah, I never thought of that. Dennis, when you were coming down to San Diego, why did you come by way of Salt Lake City? I wanted to avoid the traffic lights in Laguna Beach. Mary, you made me ask them. You made me ask... Dennis, you better sing your song. I'll say you better. Avoid the traffic lights in Laguna Beach. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Voices and radio. Gee, I hope my mother heard you say that. Why? She thinks you're a louse. No matter what my mother says, I like you. Well, thanks. And now, fellas... You've always been okay with me. Well, thanks, kid. Thanks. And now, fellas... You know, Mr. Benny, sometimes I wish you were my father. You do? So does my father. I had to tell you you had a nice voice. I don't want a whole routine out of you. You know, you can't say... All right, fellas, you can stand up and cheer. This show will roll now, of course. What's the reception on that entrance? Yeah, would you believe it, Jackson? The last time I made an entrance like that, the people just sat there and stared at me. Where was that? This morning when I got on the La Jolla bus. Well, I'll imagine getting on a bus and going into your act. Well, what's wrong with that? Last week you stood on the dock playing your fiddle when the Essex came in. Well, it was my patriotic duty and the boys all cheered me. Well, they should. Who else could play anchors away and dive for pennies at the same time? Oh, Phil, stop exaggerating. I saw you swing around in the water. Then why didn't you speak to me? With those bifocals, I thought you were a halibut. What's your language? Oh, be quiet. You would be much better off if you didn't pay so much attention to me and devoted more time to the boys in your band. Are you going my band again? Certainly. We came down here to play the Naval Training Center. At least your boys could look decent. Now, wait a minute, Jackson. They can't afford to buy new clothes. Well, at least swab them down. Swab them, Emily, sitting there. Well, just hold it a minute, Jackson. Don't say nothing about Remly. Today of all days. Why not? Well, yesterday, Frankie's favorite uncle died. Oh, oh, that's too bad. Was it unexpected? No, the judge told him exactly when it was going to happen. Any more nonsense. We have a very important sketch to do tonight and I want to get started with it. Don, will you announce our play? Oh, yes, Jack. But before I do, I've got a little surprise for you. A surprise? Yeah, yeah. Last night I was in Mexico and I heard four fellas singing over there. They had wonderful voices. And I took the liberty of bringing them over and inviting them to sing on the program. Gee, a Mexican quartet. That ought to be a novelty. Are these the boys here? Yes, yes. They call themselves the Sports Mono Quartetel. Oh, well, good, good. Let's hear it. Come on. I'm glad you liked it, Jack. I certainly did. Then you're going to pay the boys. Why, certainly. I think the boys stationed here at the San Diego Naval Training Center were going to... Oh, there's the phone. Excuse me. Rochester, what did you call me for? Well, I'm over here in your room at the El Cortez Hotel. Mr. Stillings, why? What happened? He got a little upset when he found out you rented your other twin bed. Kitchen, he wet the pieces. It's my living room. Not yours. Take over his chair. Yes, sir. Go just look at your radar screen. What about it? Get your fed already. There's another ship coming in. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for all the boys stationed here at the San Diego Naval Training Center, we're going to do a sketch. Set the scene down. Okay, Jack. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time on any radio program, we're going to present a biography based on Jack Benny's actual experiences in the Navy during World War I. Music. This only took me 10 seconds. I wasn't a sailor at the training center. I was examined by one of the Navy doctors. Your name? Jack Benny. Birthplace? Walk, Egan, Illinois. Age? 16. 16? Yes, sir. But you've got gray hair. Oh, Donald, I put on the wrong one this morning. I'll be a blonde tomorrow. Your height? 5'10". Your weight? 145. Color of eyes? Oh, they're blue, aren't they? Bluer than a sailor on his first night in boot camp. Now, doctor, you've got my records here, so tell me, do I get in the Navy or don't I? Well, son, I'm sorry, but I have to report some bad news. For me, no, for the Navy, you're in. I became a part of Uncle Sam's fighting forces. The next thing I did was to report to the supply depot to get my uniform. When it came my turn, the sailor in charge looked at me and said, Well, how did you... What did you say? I said, how did you come to join the Navy? Well, I've always been the adventurous type. I love to travel. I love travel, romance, foreign countries, and then I saw one of my friends in foreign countries, and then I saw one of those signs saying, join the Navy and see the world. Isn't that a coincidence? That's the reason I joined the Navy 18 years ago. And have you visited any distant lands? Yes, twice. I've been to Tijuana. Well, lucky you. Now, here's your uniform. Hey, just a second. You don't know my measurements. I take size 34, please. Really? I have a 33 waist. Uh-huh. 29 pants legs. Uh-huh. And 32 and a half sleeve length on the jacket. I'm glad you told me. Would you like your uniform in any particular color? Well, yes. Would you happen to have something in blue? You now take this and keep moving. Wait a minute. Where do I put on my uniform? Right here, as you're walking along. As I'm walking along, what about my old clothes? Just drop them. We have chamber maids who come along and pick them up. How many of your uniforms? All of you. There. I've almost got mine on. You're good. Would you mind buttoning me up? That goes in front. Sweets and boot camp. I was given my first leave. I'll have a lemonade. A lemonade? Yes. I'll have a tequila. That's a Mexican drink, isn't it? Yeah. Excuse me, sir. But how far is it to the San Diego Naval Training Center? I don't know. Am I walking in the right direction? I don't know. Well, for heaven's sake, where is the Naval Training Center? I didn't know. Oh, anything. A fine sailor you are. I'm not a sailor. And how come you're wearing that blue uniform? What uniform? I lost my clothes in the crap game and I'm cold. To find my way back, I decided to stay away and enjoy myself. Things I had done. I found myself up before the admiral, facing a courtman said. Were you AWOL for a full week? Yes, sir. And didn't you get into a fight with two shore patrolmen? Yes, sir. And when they tried to take you to the brig, didn't you bang their heads together and knock them out? Yes, sir. Do you think that was nice? No, sir. Well, watch it next time. A punishment and a stern looking down the street. Oh, sailor. Yes? Did you drop this handkerchief? Honey. Yes, Mac? Pucker up. I'm going to kiss you. Okay. There. Have you ever been kissed like that before? Yes, I have a mother. I completed my training and went aboard my ship. But this is a lucky strike program. Doctor. Doctor, I feel terrible. I'm sick. My head is going around. I'm dizzy. My stomach is upset. I feel awful. Well, congratulations. Congratulations, why? You're the first sailor who ever got seasick on the Coronado ferry. See with your own eyes how luckies are made better to taste better. From a newly opened pack, take a cigarette made by any other manufacturer. Carefully tear a thin strip of paper straight down the seam from end to end and gently remove the tobacco. In tearing, be sure not to loosen or dig into the tobacco. Now do exactly the same with a lucky strike. Then compare. You'll see some cigarettes are so loosely packed they fall apart. Others have air spaces, hot spots that burn harsh and dry. But you won't find that in a lucky. Look at that perfect cylinder of fine mild tobacco so free of annoying loose ends that spoil the taste. Notice those long strands of fresh, clean, good tasting tobacco so firmly packed to smoke smooth and even, giving you a milder, better tasting cigarette. Yes, friends, tear and compare. Prove to yourself that luckies are made better to taste better. Then make your next carton lucky strike. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Captain Frank Monroe Jr., commanding officer of the Naval Training Center here in San Diego, and Lieutenant Commander Alex McClain, Special Services Officer for inviting us down here. And it's certainly been a pleasure being down here with all of you fellas. So long, everybody. If it's safe, do you want most?