 You know something it was just a conversation I was having with a very dear friend yesterday and Subhanallah, she had not heard of Basila like many others and we named it a hidden gem Literally, we went to the website. We learned more about what Basila Connections does and truly it is a hidden gem That's that needs to be revealed unveiled to the community. Mashallah. There is so much that you do. I Just want to know I want to know the story I want to know how it came about your role in it please Sure Yeah, the story is is interesting, you know, you know, I had a pleasure of talking to you earlier about this but really Just a little bit about my background I am a single mother as well and I have four daughters and I also have gone through divorce And so I think one of the you know one of the reasons why this came about was because I also experienced it and you know combined with my Experience and professional background. It's it sounded like something that you don't need to come about But really the behind the seat really was that, you know, as you're going through divorce There's so many things that happened so many things multiple factors are played into that And one of those factors is community support Which I don't think somehow that a lot of our a lot of our communities had at that time Now I got divorced about three years ago And you know and as I was kind of going through my training, you know becoming a social worker Talking to people I came to realize, you know, a good friend of mine said that, you know, there's so many single parents out there There's so many single mothers out there. There's so many people who have gone through divorce yet They're suffering silently so do something about it and you know at that time You know, we just I just kind of said okay, you know, I understand but as I spoke to a lot of people now I actually came across a lot of a lot of single parents as well And some of the things that they were saying was, you know, was shocking to me as well where they felt that the community They felt that the community just didn't care for them anymore And so I realized that somehow in my own journey one of the greatest or one of the greatest blessings that I had was support and Realizing that Allah spent a little bit of that support upon me I realized that a lot of people had that support so, you know, I actually attended a lecture and Muftiqa Mani actually said this in a lecture and you know He said it beautifully that wherever the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and he created a community first What does that mean? What does the community mean? A community means not just people together Living side-by-side but people who actually come together help one another in their most distressed times and that was the basis That was the foundation because we wanted to be able to create a collective community Create a movement that really you know in the mindset of helping our most vulnerable populations Now there's so many things that you know our community needs and of course There's not a lot of holes that we're gonna be able to fill but really we thought about what is the one thing that our community Doesn't have and sadly it was that that there wasn't any hands-on support for the divorce population Unfortunately the divorce, you know numbers and cases are high and we then thought about okay What are the organizations out there that do support and so finally you as miss that has been around for a long time And it's it's a wonderful resource and a wonderful, you know Organization that helps but then we also thought about a little bit more deeper that sure It's for domestic violence victims But what about the victims or what about the the divorces that don't fall under that category? And so we wanted to kind of think outside of the box and we realized that okay We have people that talked to us about it, but then everybody goes home So what's next? What else is there? And so thus, you know Wasila came about and you know the name was Sheila means a means to you know Going getting close to Tallah a means and so we wanted to be the means to ease Poor people and so with that, you know, we started working on Ossila connections me and you know, a few of our board members We have we all collectively came together and Mushroom we were able to create this we you are a nonprofit organization of 501 C3 and Since then actually our launch we launched in March 2020 where we launched our first support group and when we launched that first support group about 30 women for single mothers actually showed up for a single woman and divorced woman and it was You know, I will have I will have to be honest. It was shocking, right? It was shocking to see that many how many people that were in the Bay Area specifically So that's sort of you know, kind of our history and our you know background as to why we started what the bases were and You know, what our vision really is and it's really to lend that support of hand to those that are suffering that are dealing with this Much Lala. Thank you so much. I know there's been some overlap with of course with the work that Nissa does as well Right, I know that there's been some work and some collaboration with Nissa in the past and specific specifically with with Saha, so how would you like to? You know chime in inshallah and kind of you know that people know about of course our mission and how the work of the sealer You know, it's it's somewhat close in in its mission as well in creating that harmonious community inshallah and trying to fill those voids Yes, please Yeah, sure. I'm soundly come Yeah, so as far as Nissa goes, of course, you know, we're a domestic violence organization, so One criteria for clients to receive service is that they're a domestic violence victim or survivor and Throughout the years, I think especially since with Silla has started, you know, alhamdulillah I usually do refer clients give information to them for the support groups for with Silla And I believe, you know, a few of our clients for a good number of our clients actually do attend And I think this is a, you know, alhamdulillah amazing support for the ladies And I think it is like sister Sarah mentioned. It is important that we provide that service not only to DV victims It's you know, whoever that's going through divorce and our single moms Of course, there are a lot of challenges that come about as a result and my experience has always been that whether it's a domestic violence survivor or just a You know, not like a bad marriage and they divorce they do tend to get be isolated by community members unfortunately, right? And I think with Silla is doing an amazing job of You know talking about really important topic Addressing it within community so that you know, we as community members And also other organizations we take steps so that we can Services as well as, you know, pay attention to not isolating these women and children, right? So ever since with Silla started I think it's been Tremendous support for our clients and All the feedback that I've received Regarding with Silla has been positive. Alhamdulillah. Yeah, so yeah, so thank you Jezak La Khair Sana for starting this really important You know organization launching the support groups and Providing that support for our clients as well as the general community Absolutely, Jezak La Khair and Have you like I was wondering any kind of research or is there data to you know, isn't that you'd like to share any Statistics that you have collected over the years You know, of course that warrants Organizations like this to be around Yeah, absolutely, you know, we actually launched a a survey about a couple of years ago and it's actually on our website And we encourage people that that were divorced so that we're thinking about divorced or there were widow to to sort of you know to input their suggestion on that and so You know, we do actually it's we have an overwhelming response of 197 participants And of those participants 76 percent were female and 24 percent were male I mean, I do you know, I just want to say that not only do we cater to the single mothers or the divorced women We also do cater to the men because I think Part of the stigma of this, you know of this divorce is that a lot of everyone is just focusing on You know women or that, you know, generally a lot of women actually come, you know A lot of women generally come forward But we want to we want to highlight that men also do go through this men also do have the emotional response Men, you know, and so we won't we don't want to leave out Leave that out and I apologize. I have my kids at home. I'm so fine. No reason to apologize So, you know, and so we wanted to also make sure that the men were included into this. Um, I I do apologize. I'm gonna have to take a quick second break. No, no worries at all No worries So Sahab Masha Allah you like you said you had referred clients and Alhamdulillah. We're very blessed like Vassila Masha Allah also Looks into serving the needs of, you know, like you said and men as well subhan Allah Of course our organization Targets and I was just talking to Sahab just saying Masha Allah. It's amazing that This organization also caters to the needs of of men as well, which absolutely is is so important And just I was just saying subhan Allah We've had people reach out and say why doesn't this are kind of catered to the needs of men as well There are there are men who are victims of Domestic violence or survivors of domestic violence as well and we understand that but it's it's it's a tough one subhan Allah, you know Yeah Challenges right, you know being a single parent what other support is there right you're doing it by yourself Or you have family members some people have the family members with them And I'm I'm actually very grateful for my own family members, you know My parents my my siblings and you know just the support that they provide so you know really that that's also a crucial piece As we were looking into this. What are some things that people need right and what helps their journey and you know as we were looking at sort of the age sample for You know for our statistics 45% were the ages between 26 to 35 36% were from the ages of 36 to 45 10% were 46 to 55 and you know, there was a little bit of small small percentage of those that were over 56 and About 6% those that were under 25 so between the ages of 19 and 25 So, you know and the other thing we you know We looked at was what were the causes of divorce and the causes of divorce You know one of the highest number of causes of divorce for divorce was emotional abuse, you know, we had about a hundred and twenty-four You know emotional abuse and that's that's a lot right and some of the other ones were emotional incompatibility That was the other hired higher bracket, which was just the incompatibility And then the rest of them were financial distress family interference more than half said family interference intimacy issues and infidelity So these were some of the causes of divorce that our majority of our participants had noted In terms of the children about 33% were you know participants reporting having no children 23% reported having one child and 21, you know around 21% had two and about 20 another 21% had You know three plus children So those are some of the causes and some of the reasons now they you know when we asked stars our participants, you know, what do they need support with and The you know some of the things that they mentioned were fifth Islamic rulings And you know, it's interesting as I as I do talk to a lot of you know A lot of single parents or those that are going through divorce a lot of the number one questions come out is What are we exactly supposed to do? What is a shadi assay? You know, what is you know for women? What is our it the you know, what does it that mean? You know, some of them are You know questions are like Do I get my shadi a divorce first? What's a shadi a divorce? What's a civil divorce? What should I do first in that? He's given me a civil divorce, but not a sharia divorce is that count So a lot of these big rulings and you know, those were some of the bigger concerns But amongst those were financial obligations, you know, a lot of our populations, you know When we looked at it a lot of single moms, you know You come out of a household of where generally speaking that the women are taking care of the children majority of the time And so this for had may not have You know had a career or worked or had some sort of saving and so financial, you know The financial obligations and and the financial needs are very high And the other higher numbers were navigating the divorce process now divorce, you know as it Emotionally, it's a it's a challenging time, but then the process what what do what do people do the legal process of it? It's a very it adds on additional stress to our community members. It's like what do we do? Who do we go to this is going to cost a lot? How do we talk to you know, who can we talk to about these things? What are my rights and Of course the legal process and about 17 people, you know said other and so those are some of the You know, some of the things that our community our community had put on the survey now in terms of supporting You know this this question we like to ask right oftentimes, you know in a corporate world or in you know any of these systems I've worked in the mental health field in the larger community or a larger system and There's sometimes there's a disconnect between the higher ups and to those that are working on the ground And so what we see what aims to do is bridge that connection, right? As we are creating programs, we don't want to just create programs just to create programs We want to be able to hear Exactly what the need is and then based on that need create the programs that are going to be beneficial Now a lot of our a lot of our participants said, you know Co-parenting is a is not you know a big thing because now we're having a lot of divorces that have children and Some of the things that you know people have to remember is that you still have to work with your Ex-spouse, you know, they are the mother or they are the father of your children And therefore you're gonna have to create a working relationship. That's aside from The emotional challenges that you've had with them And it can be very difficult and so we do understand that and we do understand the challenges that come with it I mean as a single parent myself, I'm gonna say I'm not immune to that either So there is a lot of growing to do but navigating that process. How do you work with each other? How do you work with the challenges that come and you know, how can you and your ex-spouse? Come together and make this work for your children because really now the children are your main You know, we we tell you know We have a co-parenting workshops and we tell our parents that you guys are now You know, it's a business investment. You have to look at each other as co-workers when you're dealing with each other And you have to give that respect with each other because the outcome are your children so Those are some of the you know, some of the things and you know, a lot of our participants also mentioned You know in terms of the mental and emotional support aspect was some of the things that are Mention where how to move on and forgive them and forgive yourselves How to deal with divorce and build your life again Healing how to overcome the obstacle of a scar and moving on And you know healing or development of self-worth and confidence So a lot of times we do realize that divorce does bring on, you know, there's there's trauma It is trauma, you know, those are transitions It's a loss of a relationship and so, you know, some of those things do take a you know Take a toll on our individuals So those are some of the you know findings that we had From our data that informed us that there's there's a lot more work out there that we need to do and This is the data that we pull from to really think about what additional things what additional programs we're gonna make We actually I'll take the moment to say that we have now Started a new survey which creates a little bit more, you know, we want to get a little bit more deeper information Over the couple years, we've had this survey now We're doing a more in-depth Survey, which you know, we're gonna start creating things based off of that as well So I do encourage participants to go to our website and fill out that survey so that we can now move on to our next step of our Organization. Thank you, Sana So how would you like to chime in? Yes, actually, I just wanted to respond to you when sister Sana was taking what took a step away Regarding this as services to men in the community I just wanted to make a clarification that we do provide services to men and women in the community The only service that's only for women and children is the shelter in the transitional home So other services like the helpline the you know legal services, which is by referral mostly Support groups which we of course refer we do have a support group for Woman, but we don't have one for men And maybe that's something, you know, we can work Towards starting in the future And you know housing support with benefits any other case management is also provided for men in the community who are survivors of abuse And I believe in us as also working on inshallah purchasing Shelter that would house both men and women of course separately in the future. So that's in the works Definitely our service also for the for men and as far as what sister Sana just mentioned regarding support through the divorce and co-parenting I think that's a critical you know part of divorce and separation and Oftentimes, you know, there are challenges in the relationship But once they separate the couple separates and they divorce it actually even escalates more, right? If the co-parenting is not managed well, and of course the impact of that on the children is tremendous. So Really glad to hear that was Sheila. I actually myself didn't know that was Sheila provides support with parenting because Oftentimes I do get calls on the helpline from community members Who may be divorced or in the process of divorcing, but that's not a domestic violence case Right. So it's it's great to know that was it, you know, was see there's an organization that I can refer those clients to And that's a huge mashallah. That is like I noticed that subhanallah Like you said, there's a lot of the problems stem afterwards, right? And just to have those support groups where you are catering to issues like Co-parenting like you said like co-workers now you're working you're retraining their minds to now start working as partners and and not of course as husband and wife But as people who are coming together to try to be more amicable and and look for solutions I mean even just going to your website like you said you literally The way that you your programming is get with the needs of the community. What do they want even? What struck me was I loved the word etiquettes etiquettes of divorce was Beautiful absolutely like just what are those etiquettes? What are those steps? You know, how are we supposed to behave with one another? What are we supposed to do and you're right a lot of the times? We are not aware and just getting educated just bringing that awareness to the community It's so critical and crucial, right? Oh Yeah, absolutely, you know, I think the number one thing is education, right? When we educate ourselves and we learn we become more informed in our decisions and the way we deal with things are changed You know or at least improved, you know before you know, you hear the term ignorance is bliss But no ignorance is not bliss, you know, you have to have that now In in regards to that with the etiquettes, we you know, we did do we did two workshops with the Shakespeare Shakespeare is Mental health director and our religious director here before I forget. I wanted to just say unfortunately I'm shift job. It was not able to join us today. He was not feeling well So we wish him well and in Shala may Allah grant him shifa, but he plays a huge and instrumental part You know in with Vassila and with other organizations as well. My shala. Yes, please elaborate Totally he is he's doing such an amazing work with the wasila He's he's gone ahead and we've done two workshops of etiquettes of divorce So just Islamic rulings and you know, what is this in no way? What is you know, what does Allah's want to say right? Oh, you know A lot of a lot of the things is a lot of our participants come and say is am I shaking the throne of Allah, right? And so there's a stigma behind that and so we in relation to that and you know amongst all the Processes Sheikh Jabir beautifully goes through each of those and really addresses the the participants You know the format that we've always kept those workshops is that you know, it's interactive and so You know when our participants come, you know, there are questions and answers and you know Sheikh Jabir does a wonderful job of you know doing icebreakers in between and getting that participation and getting people to feel comfortable Because it is it is it you know, it's a it's a very challenging It's a challenging subject, right? And there's a lot of intricacies involved in it so he does play a really really big role in in addressing those matters and Also, he is a he's an MFT as well And he provides, you know one of one of the things that wasila provides In in addition to all of the co-parenting and and the thick and workshops we launched a We launched a therapy practice virtually And because you know with COVID the world went the world changed and we have to the world and so You know our services became online and thus we were able to reach a larger crowd based off COVID So although it was it's definitely not something we anticipated But it was a blessing in disguise as well because our services reached a lot more people than we anticipated Huge jump. Did you see a lot more people coming because I see that of course There's a lot more, you know programming towards mental health as well Like with the sealer you catered to that as well. Mashallah. So yeah, you saw it a lot of people kind of virtually joining Yes, a lot of people did virtually join. I mean for the just just for that it gets workshop We had about 70 people register, you know, and that you know that helped reached out to a lot more people You know and so about 50 60 people actually attended, but it was it was a we you know, we were actually surprised I'll just be very honest Sorry to is that like is that men and women or just women majority women like how does like the ratio to men to women? Is it Is it you know, I'm different. I know the answer I will say I will say about 20% were men Okay, percent were women. We actually you know speaking of them We did do a divorce workshop for men of shit Jabra actually led that and we You know 20 20 men come and you know, that's still good You know one of the autos that will seal a likes to put is that you know I know typically sometimes we look at how many people are joining, you know, is it is it worth it? Do we continue it? But really we we look at it this way where even if we were able to help support one individual That's it. Yeah, so that's the motto that we base it off And so even if five come Bismillah, you know, even if you know ten sixteen That's a great number and you know, we're working towards increasing that and wanting to hear more about from men's perspective to it Absolutely, and hence, you know, I you know, of course, we're missing shift over here today And I sure he would have given us more insight But of course your statistics numbers are showing and it's it's nice to see that men are joining and men are wanting to learn You know, if anything, I think it makes such a huge difference education Like you said is so important and not and should not just be women having to learn And it has to be a collaborative men and women these issues, you know, pertain to both And it's much better that we can cater to both men and women So how did you want to add anything to to that discussion here? No, I just had a question for Sister Sana. Are the services do the do the attendees is there a cost to it or are the services pro bono? I'm assuming that the therapy of course would be would not be pro bono and there may be financial aid available How about the support groups and the workshop? Yeah, so when we first started all of our support groups and workshops were all free to our attendees One of the things that we wanted to ensure was that it was accessible to everybody Now as time goes by, you know, we do understand that to uphold those and be able to to pay our clinicians Our mental health therapy of course is not pro bono. It is it is pay it's fee by service And we actually do have a sliding skill that that we do offer our Our clients that come and shall we are working towards having some funding that will help us provide more pro bono services In the therapy clinic aspect Some of the other services that we do actually offer now is a professional religious consultation service So this is with chick job or as well You know, we want to be able to Because a lot of times our attendees when they come to you know, the workshops such as etiquettes There's a lot of case by case Request or a lot of individual questions that we aren't necessarily able to answer In a group format. So we've created this resource where people can reach out to our website They can go on our website and take a look at the professional religious consultation Under our that's all project service and request to speak to chic jobber And you know, we we have it as where even if chic jobber is unable to answer that He will be able to get that answer from, you know, other scholars or muftis or Anyone who is able to answer that so we do offer that service as well Our support groups are still free and I run those once every month The first saturday of every month from 10 30 to 12 p.m. Pacific standard time And it's one of those things are just, you know, I I've been leading them for about a couple of years now and you know We have a lot of people that are regulars a lot of people that drop in So we have that open, you know pro bono for everyone And that's the kind of women Um, so this so actually the support group is only for single mothers and divorce Um, we we did do a couple of divorce works up just specifically for men because we want to be able to give the privacy and the Comfortability for both of our genders, but in shallow we are working on adding more Support groups for men in the future. So I you know, I and I this is a question for both of you I obviously with the stigma attached and people not, you know, we still find there's a hesitance to go to Um for for therapy or to attend support groups Because they may fear that their story experience may not be treated and kept confidential Or private and so by others in the group So of course you want to share and know that you're in a safe space or you know And and it's going to remain within that group. I mean, how do you ease that worry for people? How do you make people feel comfortable? How do you encourage people to just come and talk and know that you know, all your information will stay confidential and These are, you know, I think very obvious worries for people who are reluctant to come for therapy or support groups Especially support groups. I think therapy is something totally different. I I understand that and I'd like to raise that question as well How can we encourage more people to come? Um and attend therapy because sometimes it can absolutely work and you know in in in that relationship Um, but how do we encourage people to to to go for therapy? But especially with with support groups How do we ease those fears of confidentiality and not reaching any confidentiality? sure, um, you know The when we first launched the support group, um, I had all participants sign a waiver Um or sign a confidentiality agreement Saying that they wouldn't um, you know outside of this they wouldn't share anybody's personal stories now Um, of course, we only have control over it and but one of the things that you know, one of the models that we create and it goes into our the theme of our religion our dean is that your conversation is an amana and Yep very much value that And we really do tell our participants that and I think we've had quite a few participants come up to us and tell us that They felt comfortable and they felt like this was different. They felt that they could come into the safe space So really it's the atmosphere It's the constant reminder that this is our dean We need to hold that and so that's what wasila continues to do and that's what I continue to do that when my participants join I remind them of that confidentiality I remind them of that trust that each of us are coming into this space And we ensure that that trust is maintained We do have a strict policy that if we do, you know in the event that a trust is breached We do take um, we do take that very seriously. So Um, that's something that we have, you know, honestly, it's it's it's about the feeling it's about coming and and understanding what we're about what our motto is And and then of course, you know, feeling that Comfortability, you know, we always we don't want to force anyone for coming to something or sharing something And one of the things I do mention in my support groups is that if you do not feel comfortable, you don't have to share But participation is encouraged. Um, so that's something that I do on a personal level in our groups So, how would you like to say anything? I I feel like of course, um, sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved, right? And so I'm just wondering how we can Uh, why should there is so much I I see the benefit in in in these programs, but how I how do we really Encourage or entice people who could really benefit from this. I mean What are the benefits of being in you know in a support group for somebody who's very hesitant to join just because they're afraid They're scared. They've never been to one. So how what's what's your take on that? So I I think you're might you might be muted Zaha Yeah, sorry about that. Um, yeah, usually what I what I do to um, Encourage clients are the support group that we have at NASA's For um, our clients whether like present clients or past clients or we also would work with other organizations like Mamayatri and Narika Um, and other, you know, you know domestic violence organizations refer clients um, and um So usually what I you know, what we What how I encourage clients to attend this to uh, encourage them to Try give it a try. Of course we talk about confidentiality is something that we talk about Uh, pretty frequently and oftentimes by the time I offer the support group to the clients. They already there's already a level of trust bill um Between me and that client and so it's I think a little bit easier than if we were to offer this to general public Right, because we already have a working relationship Um, and of course, you know, we do um explain uh go really deep into the confidentiality and the importance of Um, and and also normalize the fact that yes, initially it may be uncomfortable and may be a difficult step So what I usually tell attendees is, you know, if you're not comfortable sharing It's totally okay. Take your time. But my experience is that after a few sessions even those Participants who tend to be more quiet or More silent, you know participants start sharing and because as time passes they Feel more comfortable and I think my experience is that usually with groups There's always one or two participants who are going to be the ones that have a lot to say Um, and of course the we we tend to kind of control that at some level But it's also good for others who have more difficulty sharing To hear others and that normalizes their own experience and that's time passes. They feel more comfortable Um, and lastly, I think, you know, it's really important Um for participants what I encourage participants to do is You know, tell others that they are attending support groups and that they're benefiting and that they feel safe It's a safe space, right? I mean, of course not going into the details as far as who else is joining and the information about Other participants, but just the fact that hey, you know, I I participate in a support group And I'm benefiting because I think the more we talk about it the more others know that Support groups are there and they're beneficial and you know confidentiality is really Important and and and capped The more likely that those who may be more feel fearful and reluctant might join So definitely, you know talking about it and and especially for those who Attend and they feel like they're it's a benefit to let others know without of course providing details Yeah, and I just ask right there, you know, I think When others hear other people going through their situation a lot of times what I've noticed is that People who join someone is just interesting that when people join the stories are very similar And when someone hears another person's struggle or story or their experience It makes them feel that they're not alone And it makes them it gives them the courage it gives them that that you know that light that hope that okay I'm not going through this by myself I'm going through this with others as well And you know, I find that a lot of a lot of women that do join Like their their stories are they're intertwined and a lot of them benefit from hearing each other and hearing the experiences I know, you know, I know with therapy. It's you know, it's just one-on-one. You're you're talking to your therapist What's a support group? It's in addition. It's an addition to the therapy which provides more of that community feel and And that's what I think our support groups also Help benefit others that do join is that hey, I hear something and you know, macho We've had we've got participants that get to a great place and say, you know what this was great And I'm good right now. And so that's that's really what our aim is Alhamdulillah Just coming back to something you had said earlier about the kind of support that you had received through, you know Your own personal Experience. I mean, who would you say kind of was that pillar that rock for you? Of course, mashallah, you have these additional support groups, but you know Family of course is is is is huge, but not it's not always. It's a given, right? It's not a given that everybody has supportive parents or siblings or so Mashallah, how have you know with your journey? How have you mashallah survived? So amazingly mashallah to the point where you found a purpose a calling And now you are mashallah out there catering to the needs of others and wanting to help others into similar situations It's it's beautiful mashallah really truly Amazing to see that such an example really is our glow curtain Before I share that I want to say that Every single thing was an opportunity Everything that I went through was an opportunity to learn something whether it was a rectification of myself whether it was a Lesson for me or a growing opportunity for me or a reassuring a reassurement from from Allah I attribute every single thing that and every single person that has helped me through this journey A gift from Allah, you know We talk about you know, we talk about like the after the post care, right? But a lot of times a lot of this starts pre divorce and You know that pre divorce or that contemplative stage Is really crucial because that actually is the stepping stone of moving forward or or even staying in the relationship whichever way it goes and Subhanallah, I think for my own personal journey. I you know, I was a I was in my last year of my master's program and I was learning to become a therapist and part of that training was becoming more self aware And what I realized is that when you know yourself, you know a lot and so there's a lot of this was a big journey for me And I think you know when leading up to, you know, my divorce I had I did have family support. I had sibling support. I had parent support Which was which was really a crucial part. I want to highlight this because Get the family that gets us through you're with them day to day So if you're home when you're walking into your home, it's not That safe space or you're walking into your family's home and your family isn't being that supportive you feel alone So really a big chunk of that is family And my family was supported but in addition to that I had scholars who I reached out to and that were very very supportive Very, you know, and they give they give an understanding. They're you know, it's not a biased understanding It's a very, you know, it's unbiased because they're going based off You know just the the sharia the thick and then also the situation And so not only did they heard me or they also heard my spouse out as well And so really that unbiased support was very crucial for me the scholars You know oftentimes as as you know individuals who we go to first we go to our scholars first And so if our scholars are there to help us and support us during this crucial time It really does boost the morale. It really does help comfort Because we look to our scholars for that and so That was another another Good crucial piece to my support Um, and you know in in healing and moving forward and and doing the things I do In addition to that I will say For me, alas matala placed a lot of different people. They just randomly just started coming and you know I you know, I will share that There was a point where you know, I was it was it was uh after divorce that you know, I took my children to a actually, um shehamsa math or school universal mercy. They had a uh Um a festival or the school festival that was going on and so we we decided to go there and you know inside, you know Sometimes inside although and the outside you see Accomplished or you see that this person's doing this or that but the internal struggles are there It's you know, it's not as it's not as is as what it seems on the absolute me And one of the things that I was feeling was I'm I feel worthless like who am I right? I'm not loved or I'm not, you know, I don't have this the support I don't feel loved and I really did feel that way Even despite having all these people around me providing that support but internally there was this this emptiness And I remember I was sitting there and And this auntie from the community. Um, yeah, I didn't really interact too much with but she knew me and you know And she walked up to me and she I was sitting down and she said she just came up and she just embraced me And she gave me this longest hug and she says I love you You're you're you're like my daughter. I love you and you'll get through this And subhanAllah it was one of those things where it's like only Allah subhanAllah knew What I was feeling and what I was going through And I didn't I didn't display it outside, you know, it's But he knew who to send at what moment at what time to give me that reminder and just like that A lot of the nights a lot of those challenging times, you know one thing I remember and and actually I carry this this lesson and I learned this you know, and I I I learned this from from a scholar that When the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was In thayf and he was he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was getting pelted You know, he had lost his his wife. Khudija radiolahu anha. He had lost his biggest supporters uncle And he felt you know, he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam felt this immense pain We can't even imagine the pain that he was going through But Allah swt said to him That explaining the the nights that you cry the the difficulties that you go through because this life is a test If it's not this it's going to be something else and really that that support that piece was a crucial part of My healing the deany aspect was a crucial part of my healing in addition to that community Anywhere I went people knew that I was divorced But you know one thing that really helped was that they don't look at me In this way that that you know that oh What your divorce like my marital status meant to respect or my marital status gave me that respect and because you know it was People came to me and said Gave me the us Embraced me Told me words of comfort although I was smiling and and really provided an encouragement And that's that community Wherever you feel that you walk and that you have this community of people coming together in addition to friends and and community members and and you know and and parents this This was the reason why I I do what I'm doing or I am the way I am so I would say it's a combination of all of those things and I hope I answer that question but really that's Masha'Allah. Thank you so much for sharing that with us and that's so deep subhanallah and Masha'Allah and of course, um You know, there are people who struggle with their faith at this time. There are people that will say why me Right, um, just just being devil's advocate here. Just thinking You know, some people will reach out and cry more to Allah's panel that and some people will say hey, but but why me um Saha, um, would you like to answer that and then the sun I can just You know people question it, right? We've seen that we see that with our sisters who come to that our shelters who are on our help lines who have general conversations And like you took it and embraced it Masha'Allah, you know as an opportunity like you said Masha'Allah You learn from every moment everything that came your way and there are those that will say Will not do it saha. Take it away Yeah, that that's the way you put um, your experiences sarsana and the you know different Layers of support different, um, you know individuals and you know Feeling that connection that deep connection with Allah subhanallah. That gave that gave me goosebumps. I know it's it's so deep It's Masha'Allah. Yeah, yeah for sure. Um, I would say, you know, I wanted to make a comment about The support services or the support system for the you know individuals who are going through these challenges, I'd say Based on my experience of working with nasa and um, that you know, the Families at the shelter the number one reason why they end up going to back to the abuser is family Um, I you know, I cannot stress enough the importance of family support and when there's lack of How, you know, how difficult it becomes for these ladies who already have a lot of barriers to You know, taking these steps sometimes it's language. Of course financial is always the case, right? a lot of the clients that we help come from They're new to the us and you know, they really have limited experience as far as Being on their own and even those who actually been in the us sometimes even educated like sister sana said They may be, you know, stay at home moms and haven't worked for so many years So that some level they're financially dependent But oftentimes it's the when when the ladies decide to go back to the abuser It's you know, my mom's telling me I need to be more patient I need to go back. My family is pressuring me. They're telling me that they're you know, I'm embarrassed I'm an embarrassment to them And so unfortunately I you know, that that's a really really important factor and I you know, thank you sister sana for mentioning that and highlighting that And and as far as you know, a lot of support I think I'd say pretty much all of the clients that come to the shelter after they stayed the shelter a few days So often what they tell me is I had nobody in the us, right? I thought I know but I I didn't have anyone to turn to And I don't know how people who I've never met. They don't know me. They're not familiar with my situation They're giving me a home and support services And you know, and and that oftentimes Uh establishes a connection with Allah and and what I usually respond to that is, you know, this is from Allah Right Allah's opening door, especially when you're going through these tremendous challenges And your close family members your loved ones Turn you away, you know, this is Allah's way of showing you that you know, I'm here You know, I understand and and understand your the challenges that you're going through right and sister sana, you put it beautifully Right and as far as the question about you know, why me why is this happening to me? I think At some point there that's a very Very normal and very common question that we ask Right And then of course, you know, the the answer to that is, you know We're all tested in different ways and this is a test from Allah and I think what was amazing in how sister sana mentioned her described their experiences Is that inside like being even that hug that you that, you know, you mentioned that community member Passing by and giving you a hug and you actually being aware that that was from Allah I think that's amazing. Oftentimes, you know, I believe strongly that Allah continues to send these You know that the love the support Um, this our way and sometimes we're so Like consumed in that negative headspace and understandably right and and when we are sometimes it's difficult to see it Um, and I think what this was one of the reasons why We at nissa, we have recently um, or last year actually started Like more spiritual support and halak for these sisters, right? Because oftentimes when they're going through so many challenges That connection with Allah actually is impacted negatively, right? So through these Um By weekly halak as what we aim to do was try to rebuild and reconnect these ladies to Allah so that they are aware and they are able to Actually pay attention to these, you know, these signs that are actually sent from Allah, right? But I'd say as far as at some point when we're going through especially Some of these clients who have gone through abuse for many years or multiple relationships, right? They're abused by their parents. They get married and they think this is a Way out and then they find their husband's abusing rights It's very easy for us to ask like why is this happening to me? And I think again, that's where we come in right as community members How do we support these individuals and really help them see that? You know, we are for helping. It's it's actually from Allah, right? Yeah, you know sister hot sauce I like how you put that in terms of like, you know, the community, you know We have people that are coming and they don't have that and I want to just add to that where Our dealings our dealings is what really drives people, right? Rives people to Islam or drives them away from Islam And that's why the prophet salam was sent down to perfect our character people see our character And either come closer to Allah and either or go away right and so really the Idea it's like, you know, it's just there's layers. There's layers to this The one aspect, you know in terms of the mental health support or being self aware I wanted to highlight that you know and This is the piece of the education piece where You know while we are doing these support services in terms of like co-parenting You know etiquettes of divorce all the post-divorce care that we're doing We're also not only focusing on that but focusing on the pre and pre-divorce is Is essentially and you know, we have we've had this and Sheikh Jabir has led this is emotional intelligence And it really starts from ourselves It starts from within us We have to learn about us. We have to learn about our ways And that's where all the mental health support also comes in because sometimes we do need help All of us need help, you know, therapists have therapists And you know we That is all within our Dean. It's all within just to seek out council To seek out that help and that support to get you on your journey So really along with all of our services that we're doing for the post-divorce care We also are focusing on the pre where we do emotional intelligence classes We do premarital classes as well. We do workshops on self-confidence self-worth Um, so we do all of that education piece and that's where it's important because that's where we're supporting our individuals Now whether you get to divorce or you stay in your marriage. Alhamdulillah We need to start there and not only that in addition to you know, people asking why it's because Who who's helping them? Who's who's coming to them? Who's providing them that support? If we're shunning them away Then you know what that is a natural response. It's like i'm going through all of this Everybody's everybody's having a dandy time. We're having a great time But you know, so it it really does start from there where we you know, and I will say there are there are a lot of women That do attempt suicide because of this Because you have family telling them this concept of suburb when they are being abused day and night We have women that come that are beaten black and blue And their parents tell them have suburb. No, this is not The this is not what suburb is in our dean and actually to to talk about that We've heard a lot about that a lot of these questions come up. What does it mean to be having to have suburb in this situation? And we actually will inshallah have a workshop on breaking down that concept Islamically To you know, and so so that's just to just just Intersect her it's we actually had mariam america brahimi talk about the concept of suburb, right saha Just a in our last talk exactly that we we get that so much where You know your elders will say or somebody will say just have suburb have patience What does that mean ultimately and mashallah? She quoted from the Quran hadith everything mashallah and just kind of laid it out there Subhanallah, so you're you're absolutely right. I mean these are Each question and everything that we're talking about another question kind of comes and is you know And I know we can go on and on for for a long time But I know subhanallah we are coming up to an hour already and I like I said I value your time And everything that you've shared with us I just want to kind of just kind of want to discuss finally like your current and future goals inshallah And of course how the community can support and then just You know closing words of wisdom although you've shared a lot of wisdom with us mashallah just of course Raising the the future generation and you have you know, I have kids mashallah We all have children and hopefully those who are watching or will watch later Um, we'll want to know about how we can you know about how we can raise our children in a you know More more effectively inshallah and for them to be more in tune and be more You know open to To therapy and and all that other stuff that is that is good to maintain harmony in their relationships inshallah So a lot i've just thrown a lot at you if you want I can kind of backtrack But I just wanted to for now your current and future goals inshallah. What what are they? Yeah, so jazak alohan for that. Um, so you know our mission You know really our vision really is to creative movement to cultivate a collective community mindset and helping our most vulnerable populations In our community within our community to achieve the success and wellness and all levels of life So with that said Our goals are to be able to create this community create this domino effect within our our elders Are the generation that we're in our children's generation and then our future generation So that's really our main goal But you know just in general as our organization our goals are to be able to provide a holistic care of support So what that looks like is providing not only workshop and education The mental health services because that is part of that religious services because that is also part of that healing support spaces And also be able to provide the pockets of Services of just like financial aspects because that's it that is number one That is a lot of a lot of situations are That you know and when you have the finances or you have the means to do something you are able to thrive a little bit more I just that's how it is and And so we we want to be able to provide that financial support as well to our to those that are suffering to this and we also want to provide Some sort of navigation in the legal aspect and help support individuals that are going through those challenges So really we're working on it You know right now we're working on a divorce care package And we're really going to need our community support to come together because we Because oftentimes the people that need these services are not able to fund the services And so we do need to have our community come together you know back Divorce was not immune just to our society. It was in the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam But how did we take care of one another? There was a system And nobody no woman actually, you know, of course some some men as well But no woman feared her livelihood When she got divorced because back then the system was if she was divorced The the father happily took her back took care of her either the father If not the father then the brother if not the brother then you know Then the the cousins the uncles and then if not any of the family members then the community came together And that's what we want to be able to create so much so that if a sister If a woman is getting abused or for children are getting abused or whatever the case is to leave that that she doesn't fear Her financial situation or fear that she doesn't have support that she'll go back into that So we want to be able to create that so that's really our our goals right now Is to create such a package that we want to be able to have our Our members come to us and be able to have this holistic support. So that's currently our goal We hope that in the future inshallah that we're able to implement these We're hope that you know and also as you know as an organization Funding is crucial for us to continue I want to be able to we want to be able to pay those that are working for us And I know a lot of times in the community We do have a lot of burnout With of our members and we want to be able to honor that and be able to honor the time of our of our profession Um, so Sorry, I don't know if I cut off but uh, but that's that's sort of our goals right now And inshallah, we hope to continue our therapy services as well and also in person right now. They are virtual Um in the future also inshallah, we are looking to Start something where we are able to provide parents With how to work with their children and how to navigate those challenges time. So parent consultations For for for our parents um in dealing with that So that's that's sort of our our goal and our outlook right now currently. Um, you know, we we hope to increase that we hope to Support individuals not in terms of just a parting parting way for our generations is As parents I would encourage our parents to be To lend a listening ear, you know, we know I you know, I'm a parent as well And oftentimes we we tend to think oh, we've had we've had Lifes of experience and we have we have had a life of experience But our children are growing and they're looking at us and so one of the biggest ways to teach our children is to show them So I would encourage our parents to To provide a safe space where their children are coming to them and sharing them sharing their Struggles and their thoughts with them and I would encourage our parents to Hear it with an opening mind with an open mind in an understanding way um And for our for those that are going through the divorce or going through a challenge any challenging time Ask Allah Even if you are not able to say the words out of your mouth Allah is still listening to you We are often taught the fear of Allah before we are taught the love of Allah But just like the bird that goes out Without any of us comes back with that know that ristus doesn't just need money It also means Love and all the other needs that you need. So Allah is listening to you Don't feel that you're alone because he is there and he will send you whatever you need So I would I would encourage our people that are going through that struggle to remember that Allah loves you and that The mercy he's bestowing upon you. You can't even imagine And to our youth, you know, I would Encourage you to find ways to be supportive not only outside You know in our community it's easier to go outside and and provide that support But also provide that support inside your homes as well Because a lot of times some parents do learn from their children so That's sort of my parting ways and my My advice to everyone. It's beautiful sunna mashallah. You have shared So many gems beautiful words of advice. You have a wealth of knowledge mashallah experience and Thank you so much for just having this really just naturally flowing conversation with you today and just a candid honest open conversation I I really appreciate it and I really would encourage um, of course for us to continue to collaborate with you al khandarila We're so blessed we learned so much more about vasila connections and if people would like to go visit your website. It's um www.vasilaconexions.org It's It's actually www.vasilaconnect.org. Okay, mashallah. Thank you so much Yeah, um, I would encourage more people to go and visit the website There is mashallah of course so many amazing resources there and I'm hoping, you know, we will also continue to collaborate with vasila as well So how do you have any any ending thoughts? Do you have anything to share? Aside from I again sister sanas put put it so beautifully as far as that Hold more of a holistic approach. I think nissa has also been working on providing more of a holistic approach as far as support services go we have been You know, we're looking to um, I myself alhamdulillah now that we have sister faiza and we have You know, another staff members the sister kanees. Um, I'm able to focus more on client services, which I'm really excited about So definitely, you know more focus in the upcoming years towards client services and also preventive Um, uh services that focus on preventing domestic violence in the community and that may be Education as far as, you know, community members, you know, I urge each of you to Talk about domestic violence take a strong stance against domestic violence, especially for the new generation, right? They are looking at us And seeing if we, you know address it or respond to it as a private matter Something that we don't want to get involved in or talk about our kids will do the same. So the more you are proactive The higher the chance that our children, right? Your children will be and that's critical in this, you know In this fight against domestic violence And of course, you know as nissa is growing as far as staff and our services the financial support is always appreciated And this goes very far because you know one thing that I usually tell the clients when they You know, thank me as far as, you know Providing the services being there for them and nobody else has been I every time I make a You know, I highlight the fact that, you know, if it wasn't for the community's support We wouldn't be able to provide the services that we do Um and al-hamdulillah i'm honored to be sort of on the front line as far as providing the services And now we have, you know, sister faiza and sister kaniz as well Um, but the financial support of the community without it. We wouldn't be able to survive. Um, yeah Absolutely. Absolutely. We need to keep, you know Those light bulbs on literally in the in the shelters that we have for for the sisters and also we just want to Make sure we have, you know, the resources that we can continue to provide for them We are non-profits upon ala and the community money is amana as well So we'd like to spend wisely we want to make sure that we meet the needs of of of those community members inshallah and And and you know, we spend wisely and we make sure that the needs are met inshallah, but I just wanted to once again Thank you so much Um, sister sunnah for your time sister saha for your time. It really was A very fulfilling conversation. Honestly Thank you very much for your time Wisdom you've shared your experiences and inshallah. I'm hoping we will continue to Educate the community and continue to collaborate together Inshallah to kind of leverage each other in and and help one another inshallah in the best possible way Anything else you'd like to end with them sister sunnah Yes, I I do want to I do request that the community also, you know I want everyone to know that this this is a collaborative effort, right as as Muslims, you know, we You know, yes one person, you know, it takes one person a vision, but it takes Everyone to come together and actually provide such a such a Support that that is needed and it takes collective hands and so I encourage everyone You know, I actually I request everyone to make the offer our team as well Really, I know I'm you know, I am the founder, but I wouldn't have been able to do this without my team members So please, you know, we do have interns. We do have you know our our core members and So do make the offer them They are they are integral part of of making wasila, you know, where we are today So, you know, and I would encourage I would also encourage actually, you know That organizations, you know that we if we hold hands together We will make larger strides and so I you know, I was a jizak al-ohad and for this beautiful opportunity You know, may Allah bless you and the organization and and the work that you guys are doing as well and make it for everyone And allowing this opportunity and so I look forward to also collaborating with nissa and other organizations We have an open door policy of collaborating with everyone And ensuring that the services are are, you know, the best for our in our community So jizak al-ohad and and keep us in your I mean jizak al-ohad and sister sana. Thank you so much, sister saha And once again, absolutely. We are at the forefront, but of course we have board members We have integral other members volunteers who are, you know, huge You know, are a huge part of these organizations So may Allah reward you all for all the time and all the efforts inshallah that you put in to Making things happen in the organizations inshallah and within the community May they continue to be cared in what we do may Allah accept our intentions May Allah forgive any shortcomings in our part inshallah And jizak al-ohad and thank you so much once again saha sana for joining and inshallah Have a wonderful rest of your day inshallah. We'll speak and connect again soon. Take care. Assalamu alaikum