 Hey survivors and frivers, we have over 20,000 subscribers, a huge achievement, I remember when we had just 100 subscribers and it was an amazing feeling to achieve that, 20,000 subscribers is incredible and I am so grateful to have all of you here, thank you all for subscribing to the channel, in this video I am going to give you 4 things that the narcissist doesn't want you to know, please like, comment, share and subscribe, click the bell icon to receive the notifications for my future videos, if you would like to make a donation my paypal link is in the video description, if you are interested in one-on-one coaching you can email me at narxpivercoaching at gmail.com, we have a private reddit community where survivors and frivers can share their experiences and knowledge, if you are interested in being a part of this community you can sign up for our Patreon page, the link is in the video description, check out the Narx5 merchandise store where you can purchase your own Narx5 t-shirt or mug, we have a variety of designs and it is a great way to support the channel, the link to our Narx5 merchandise store is in the video description, 4 things the narcissist doesn't want you to know, number one, the covert narcissist doesn't want you to know that they are fully aware that what they are doing is wrong, they know that what they are doing is wrong and that is why they do everything they can to hide it, they keep a code of silence, they lie, they use manipulation tactics such as denial, projection, blame shifting and gaslighting, if they really believe that what they are doing is acceptable behaviour, why would they ever need to hide it, why would they need to lie or use all of these manipulation tactics, the covert narcissist is fully aware that what they are doing is wrong, if they didn't believe that what they are doing is wrong they would always be like that, you will notice a completely different person from when you are with them in private to when you are with them in public, they understand that their behaviour is socially unacceptable, morally wrong and even against the law, this is why they will do everything they can to hide what they are doing to you, they will confuse you and try to make you think that what they are doing is not abuse or they will accuse you of what they are doing to take the focus of them and put you in a position of defending yourself, they will try to make you think that they don't understand what they are doing or you are hurting them, they will use this to make you doubt your own reality and then claim that you are going crazy or something is wrong with you which helps them to maintain the code of silence, they don't want you to know that they know their behaviour is wrong because then they could no longer act like the victim, you would also stop trying to get them to understand as you would realise that their behaviour is not going to change which leads us to number 2, the narcissist doesn't want you to know that they enjoy the dysfunctional environment, they want to make you believe that they hate having you around them or they hate arguing with you but they actually enjoy it, conflict is familiar to them, it's what they experienced in their childhood, it gives them an opportunity to abuse, dominate and control you, they like it when you confront them and try to get them to understand, it makes them feel powerful, they already know what they are doing wrong and they have no intention of changing their behaviour but they like to make a gamer of it and put you through their maze with the false belief that maybe this time it will be different, oh if you do this one thing for them it might be different this time, the truth is it's never going to change regardless of what you say or do and the reason for this is because they prefer dysfunctional environments, they like chaos and drama, it's familiar to what they experienced in their childhood so it has become attractive to them, it excites them and gives them a sense of belonging, they haven't even begun to resolve their childhood traumas so they are attracted to whatever traumatized them in their childhood and this is something that will never change, they will endlessly try to recreate the environment that they experienced as children, using you as a character in this, the familiarity makes them feel comfortable and gives them a sense of belonging but it doesn't heal their traumas because this is something that is supposed to be resolved within rather than being acted out in an external environment so they gravitate towards anyone or anything that can help them to recreate or traumatize them in childhood Number three, the narcissist secretly admires your appearance, personality and characteristics, this is what attracted them to you rather than anyone else, it doesn't mean that they appreciate to do as a person, they see it as objects or fashion accessories, tools to assist them in obtaining the narcissist's supply but they do admire your appearance, personality and characteristics they don't want you to know this because then that would take away their power to control you, it would validate you and boost your self-esteem, it would wake you up to the truth of the situation, the game is to make you believe that you're not good enough for them, when secretly they know that they're not good enough for you, this is why they will intentionally withhold their validation to make you question if you are good enough, they want you to feel worthless and insignificant, it's projection, they withhold their validation or try to make you believe that you're not good enough for them as a way of projecting their own self-hatred onto you, they will also try to compete with you or mimic your personality or characteristics, take a step back and really observe and identify their behaviours, using logic or reasoning, they make personal attacks on your appearance, personality or characteristics and then suddenly they are mimicking them or using them in an attempt to compete with you, very contradictory behaviour, clearly they were not being truthful about what they originally led you to believe about your appearance, personality or characteristics due to their self-hatred, low self-esteem and as a coping mechanism for their pathological envy, they will mimic your appearance, personality or characteristics, they don't appreciate you as a person but they admire everything about you, of course they will never tell you this as they want to maintain their power to control you, but if you knew the true contrast between them and you and how much of a better person you are, you wouldn't even desire to be around them and they know this, they always knew this, that's where their desire or motive to target your self-esteem or withhold validation from you came from, number four, they don't want you to know what they are thinking when they are withholding their validation from you, if you really knew what was going on in their minds when they are withholding their validation from you, if you really understood their thought process, you wouldn't waste your time chasing their validation or trying to use logic or reasoning with them, you wouldn't need them to validate you, you wouldn't question your own value or significance, you wouldn't want anything to do with them, instead you would go in the opposite direction and find someone who can give you what you want, narcissists cannot validate you because their cups are always half full, as their cups have a hole at the bottom where the liquid leaks out, nothing is ever enough for them, they can never be satisfied or fulfilled they make you chase their validation or get people to validate them which pours into their cups but because of the hole at the bottom it leaks out, it never satisfies or fulfills them, a person can't really give to someone else until they have filled their own cup and since narcissists can never fill their own cups due to the hole at the bottom, they are never capable of giving anything to you, narcissists are endlessly chasing validation from other people but no amount of validation is ever enough for them because of the hole at the bottom, what would fill the hole is their own self-validation but narcissists do not like to self-reflect or look within, it's too painful for them to reflect on their toxic shame so they will continue chasing validation from other people and using you to chase them and withholding validation from you when they are withholding validation from you, in their minds they are thinking wow wow, this person really needs what I could so easily give to them, I can just dangle it in front of them like a carrot and they come chasing after it, I feel so valuable and powerful important and significant, without me they are nothing, they have nothing to do I am giving them their purpose in life and their purpose is to chase me and the validation which they will never receive Thanks for watching, I hope this video resonates with you and I will talk to you soon