 Do you think so? Mm-hmm. Good style, nice imagination. I think he's a very talented man. Well, thank you very much. Oh, it's nothing really. There's room B, room A. I wonder where room E is. How should I know? Are you going to the Waterbury lecture? No, I'm not. Let's find out where she's going. Oh, you're kidding me. I'm sorry. Where's the Waterbury lecture, do you know? The Jewel in Waterbury? Yes, I am. How do you do? Follow me. Where are you taking us? Room E. Are you a student or a teacher? I'm a student. Oh, advanced or beginner? What do I look like? Well, you look very advanced to me. Oh, Mr. Waterbury, goody. How are you doing, Mr. Gilbride? You're right on time. We almost didn't get here. I was doing his laundry and we had to wait for it to dry. His underwear is still wet. I brought a friend, Mr. Ronnie Hastings. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Hastings? Hey, let me get you a chair. No, no, no, never mind. I'll sit in the bleachers. Are you going to be a writer, too? I hope to be someday. This lecture should help you a great deal. He's a great writer, isn't he? Oh, yes. Of course, he gets most of his ideas from me. Excuse me. Yes? You're sitting in my seat. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Good evening, Mr. Howard. Hello, Mr. Scott. Uh, anybody sitting here? Yes, Clarence Henderson. But he's out sick tonight. Well, then why did you make me move? Well, Clarence and I don't speak. Oh, well, attention class. As I promised you, our guest speaker tonight will be none other than Owen Waterbury, author of the new bestseller, Last Year's Love. Mr. Waterbury. Oh, louder, louder. I understand that most of your whole law sorts of jobs during the day, and yet you've been studying the technique of writing in the evening. Now, are you ready to take your pen in hand and go out and conquer the world? You know, I'm hardly the person to tell you how to write because I don't follow any rules. Today, the writer is asked to keep one eye on the bestseller list, the other on art. That's divided loyalty, and that makes for dishonesty. I must confess, I've been guilty of this dishonesty, too. But now that I've made my position secure, I'm going to try to write a really good book. No more bestsellers, but something that I hope will be a piece of great writing. You know, good writing, fine writing, is here and here. The dictionary is filled with all the words you need, but unless the mind and the heart find those words for you, you better leave them in the dictionary. He's so brilliant. Because a writer, fundamentally, must believe in himself. That's half the battle. I'm going to say that I'm going to be in a position to help somebody here in this class. Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to need a secretary. I've already placed the request with the University Placement Bureau, and man or woman, whoever qualifies, will get the job. That's very nice of you, Mr. Waterbury. Well, it's not a big job, but the surround things will be wholesome. You deserve your apprenticeship under someone who's already established. Well, so much for that. I remember when I wrote my first novel, took a lot of work. I starved, lived in a little back room, all the while consoling myself that I was going to be another poet. So you're really going to work for Owen Waterbury? Well, I was offered the job by his personnel manager. I've heard a lot of weird stories about Owen Waterbury. Oh, you hear weird stories about any famous person. My last night's talk was actually inspiring. Steve, do you realize you've been here five years? Well, isn't that a little too long for anyone with my ambition? Where does Mr. Waterbury do his work? Well, his personnel manager said in his apartment. Apartment? Well, you can't expect a writer to work in an office, Mr. Harris. I want to write, and I think he can show me how. Who knows? After a year with him, I might even be autographing copies of my own book in one of your bookstores. By taking a course in Owen Waterbury. And getting paid for it at the same time. I'm going to miss you, Steve. Oh, no, you won't. After a week, you won't even know I've gone. Not true, but good luck anyway. Well, I could make a big speech, but I think you know how I feel about everything. You've been wonderful to me. I understand. Steve. Yes? Call me sometime, will you? We'd like to know how you're getting on. I'll call you tonight, after I get the job. Why don't you walk while you're parking? Well, you can back up, can't you? You've got to revise. Never mind, Bill. Just save your energy for upstairs. Smart guy. Hand me the bag, Bill. Yes, ma'am. I'll take it upstairs for you, ma'am. Anything drives a cab these days. Apartment free. Thank you, ma'am. Just remember, Bill, if he says one word that's out of line, just one word, I'm going to bot him right on the job. Then I'll take my license away. Not for protecting a lady. Come on in and out, in and out. You know, I hit pretty hard, but harder the better. Is he a big guy? Six feet of bluff. I'll cut him down. I didn't get this nose for nothing. Are you sure he can't fight? He's a writer. Writer? Fighter? Now remember, if he just so much as opens his mouth. Don't worry. I'll shut it up. I've got a bigger mouth than he's got. I've come for my things. And what's the objection? Evidently, he has none. Follow me, Bill. Now, then, I want you to take all the things out of that drawer and put them into that bag. Yes, ma'am. No, no, no. Not the drawer. Just the thing. Oh, come in. Come in. Come right in. That's right. That's Mr. Waterbury's former secretary. She quit this morning. Won't you sit down? This is my nink. And how? Mr. Waterbury gave that to her as a Christmas bonus. My typewriter. Well, that was sort of a New Year's bonus. My ojoudouille? She brought her own ojoudouille. My pot. She cooked once in a while. My bourbon. She drank a little. My cigarette box. She smoked, too. My lipstick. Shall we adjourn to the library? Your frankfritters, Mr. Waterbury. Good thing you didn't open your mouth. Thank you. Come along, Bill. Don't bother with your inferiors. And now, miss, what can I do for you? This is your new secretary. Oh, yes, you're from the Kilbride School. Yes, I am. Say, look at that. She knocked over a bottle of ink all over the carpet. Would you try cleaning it up, please, Mary? Not me. The landlady says I'm not to clean up any more messes. Just do my regular work and get out of here. Excuse me. Would you like some help? Oh, thank you very much. Hey, you're going to work out fine. Here, Ronnie. I'm an expert at this sort of thing. He sure is. He cleans up about six of them a month. I'll need a cloth and some rug shampoo. This is the stuff you've been using lately. Here. This is a woman's job. It was a woman who did it. It was an accident. You better not let the landlady see that. She'll add $100 for damages to your rent. That's more than last month. I've got some on my dress. Oh, look. Why don't you work on the rug and I'll work on your dress? Why don't you two work on the rug and I'll work on her dress? I'll work on my dress. I'll work on the kitchen. Do you like hot dogs? Occasionally, yes. Fine. We'll have them for lunch and for dinner we'll have steak. Lunch? Dinner what? I haven't even been interviewed yet. What's your name? Stephanie Gaylord. What do your friends call you? Steve. All that settles that I think she should be hired. How are I in shorthand? 120 words a minute. Do you do laundry? My own, generally. Well, you're going to have to learn to do silk shirts. 120 a minute. I'll do the cooking. And eating. Do you live here too? No, I live next door. But he hasn't been there since July. That's because I have no kitchen. Well, we see we share our kitchen on a cooperative basis. He cooks and he eats. You know, Owen and I went to school together. I was in kindergarten and he was in the eighth grade. And I went to high school and he was still in kindergarten. And then I studied piano and became a character in every Waterbury book. And what were you in last year's love? I was the chorus girl who studied piano and was very bitter about the world. Where'd you work before? Who, me? I was secretary to Charles Harris. He owns the Harris Bookstores all over the country. And how is Mr. Waterbury's latest novel doing? Second only to the Bible. Oh, he won't like that. You married Steve? No, I'm not. Please, Ronnie, I'm not interested in whether or not Miss Gaylord is married. Oh, no. My biscuits are burning. I've, uh, I've had married secretaries before and while their husbands were a little troublesome. They were murder. Uh, his working hours are very peculiar. I think we've done a good job. I had such a different impression of what this job would be like. Oh, today was an unusual day. But after this, there'll be no more distractions. We're going to work in an atmosphere of dignity and culture. Oh, it's your bookmaker. The man's here again. Eleven bucks. Time out. It's time out. He'll be dragging a load of ice. Two hundred and seventy-eight for Owen and a buck for you. It's mine until next week. You want to wage her today? Well, uh, I haven't looked them over yet, but I'll give you a call. And no more fifty cents, vets. The boss don't like them. You were telling me that everything here was dignified and cultural. Oh, yes. Now, Steve, about your other duties. Just to have an interview with my daughter, Mary Hastings, about a secretarial job? Well, yes. I have a message for you. Well, what's a message? Mr. Waterbury, I don't think I want this job. Well, why not? Well, when you spoke at class last evening, everything seemed so, so refreshing. And when I read your novels, they were filled with such quality and high purpose, and I'm afraid all that's spoiled now, so no harsh words, no hard feelings, just get somebody else. Well, if that's the way you feel, Miss Gaylord, are you walking out on Owen Waterbury? Don't beg the girl to work for me, Ronnie. Just call the agency and get another girl. Now, you know you don't mean that. We'd both like this one. Are you going to let me out of here or do I have to call the police? They're here already. I came for the man. Mrs. Reeves, I just mailed you a check this morning. Oh, you always do that knowing full well that I only live downstairs. Any damage this month? Oh, it's been a very, very uneventful month. Oh, the carpet again. Yes. Mercy! She belongs here. And this duck up here, you throw the whole room out of contour. Mrs. Reeves, if you'll excuse me. I heard you screaming just outside the door. New secretary? Well, yes, yes. You being hired or fired? Miss Gaylord has just been engaged. Oh, too bad, Mr. Waterbury, because suddenly moving the apartment upstairs would just fill your every requirement. Well, unfortunately, Mrs. Reeves, the job has just been filled. Well, I want you to meet her anyway. Felicia! Felicia Adams, I want you to meet the famous Owen Waterbury. How do you do? I'm him. How do you do? How do you do? Felicia came to California to get into the movies. Now, who does she remind you of? Well, now, don't tell me. Let me guess. Zazu Pitts. Oh, of course not. Felicia, in addition to being a secretary, is a very good actress, aren't you, dear? And take off your coat and let them see. She's got a lot of talent there. Oh, I thought you'd think so. I was a model back in Texas, but I came out here for a career. Daddy's financing me. A friend of yours? No, my father. Perhaps Felicia can play the heroine in your next novel when it's made to a movie. She could do that. What's a heroine like? It's a girl from the south. Why, on from the south? Help! She's trying to hook a rich man. She's insincere and a moron. Well, what's worrying you? Well, I'm not so worried about being insincere, but as for being a moron... Well, don't worry about that. You could act like a moron, couldn't you, dear? I could try. Oh, I'm going to dramatic school. Maybe they can teach me to be a moron. If you studied hard enough, yes. It would take a lot of work. Look, Mrs. Reeves, I haven't even started my novel yet, and it doesn't look as if I'm going to if I'm continually interrupted. Well, we'll leave and let you work. Oh, Ronnie, I'm having a party for 50 guests tonight, and I'm expecting you to entertain for us at nine. Is it informal, or shall I bathe? If you don't care to entertain at my parties, pay your rent. Well, I'm off to the washroom. You haven't got a chance. You know, ever since her husband died and left her seven buildings, she's been a peeping tom. Now, come on, Steve, let you and I prepare lunch. Look, I stayed only because I didn't want to cause any trouble on your land, lady, but I'm really leaving now. What an idea. What an idea. Take this doll. Come on, take it down. We'll raise your pants. We're going to have a hat. You can't go to church like this without a hat. You're going to pay for this. Give it to me. Wait, I've got it. I've got it. All this notes on my new... Now, tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock, he's incubating. He's incubating. Yes, yes, always. Last year's love. I was baking a cake. All of a sudden, he called me out and I had to start taking dictation. And I couldn't go back until he was soon dictating. At three o'clock in the morning, we sat down to chocolate-covered ashes. Oh, but I'll see you at 10 o'clock in the morning. I couldn't wait for you to call me, so I'm calling you. How was the job? Well, I had to make an adjustment, you know. It's such an unusual kind of a job. I can imagine. He started his novel today. Oh, interesting story. Well, he didn't get very far into it, but I'm sure it's going to be wonderful. He seems so excited about it. Look, Steve, let's have dinner one night this week. Well, I'll call you the first night I have free. Good morning. Well, you're bright and early this morning. It's 10 o'clock. Say, did you ever think how you'd look in mink? I see you've got your pants. Keep your pencil poised. The genius is still dressing. I'm making potato pancakes for lunch and he's in a sour cream mood today. If you need anything ironed, I'll be in the kitchen ironing. Good morning, Steve. Good morning. Right on time. Let's see. Where did I leave off yesterday? Notes on my new novel. Yeah. Where did I leave off? Notes on my new novel. Oh, yes. Make that notes on my new novel by Owen Waterbury. That's good. Oh, that's real good. Don't you think that's good? Oh, I like that. Chapter one. General introduction of characters. Chapter two. Well, I do chapter two tomorrow. Chapter a day? That's swell. You sure you're not tired? Miss Gaylord, you stay here and answer the telephone. I'm going to the beach for some salt air. Well, be sure you don't bring any home with you. Right, boy. Let's drive someplace nice, like Santa Barbara. Well, honey, anything you say. Don't pay any attention to him. He's just trying to make you jealous. Jealous? Well, what makes you think I'm even interested in him? You know, for a secretary who's just been given the day off, you're awfully annoyed. Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed. I just don't want to sit here doing nothing. I came here to work. I came here to do nothing, and now I'm working. Look, if you get paid for idleness, grab it, you fool. There goes another one. I have to ask you a question. Yes? Does Mr. Waterbury intend to write a book? That's a very interesting question. Waterbury's a genius. What do you think he's doing right now? Incubating. Exactly. And whenever he goes through a mood like this, a great book comes out of him. I'll bet he does a lot of writing tonight. Why, honey, you're jealous. Look, I don't even know Mr. Waterbury. At this point, I'm not even sure I want to. Of course not, honey. Say, can you tell me what I'm doing wrong? Everything. Here, let me have it. I can get so many wrinkles in it. He's tried 16 laundries, but he still likes my work best. These are good shirts. We're good shirts. You know, I just thought of something. What? I must be going out of my mind. Why? Well, I went to night school for a whole year to learn to be a writer. And here I am doing a guy's laundry. It's not done yet. Hello? Miss Gaylord, this is Owen Waterbury. I want you to be here tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. I've finally gotten the idea. Thank you. You know, Owen, I like that idea. Yeah? I don't think there's a horse in there that can beat him. Never. Morning. Oh, lead your coat on. Feed the tax. He'll be here in just a minute. Got a pair for her? Well, she can use mine. Where are we going? To the races. To the races? Haven't you ever been? Oh, I've never in my life. Swell, always lucky the first time. Come on. What about that idea you had there? Oh, that can wait till after the third race. Look, I got a horse in here. Waterbury, I don't think I ought to go along. So, are you complaining about being paid to go to the races? Come on! Time to take those guys' tips. Well, so far, this job has cost me $83. Now, don't worry. I'll see you get that back. Why should you? I gambled and I lost. Well, losing is good for the soul. We have the three best souls in town. Good morning. Morning. Well, leave your coat on, Steve. The plane leaves in 35 minutes. The plane? Where are you going? Las Vegas and get back $83. Las Vegas? I can't go to Las Vegas with you. Are you objecting to being paid while working? Paid! I don't think I can afford to work for you much longer, Mr. Waterbury. Oh, Steve, it only takes an hour and a half to fly. Hey! You can catch the evening plane back. You're home in time for dinner. With tons of money! Oh, sorry, student. No dollar bet. When are we leaving, Mr. Waterbury? 3,000. But you said we'd catch the midnight plane. There'll be another plane at two, darling. Make sure there's no night flight. It was going to be so uplifting. Correct. See you later. That's true. See what you did? What are you grinning about? I'm betting on crap. Everything was going to be so intellectual. Correct. See again. Can't you make anything but crap? Going to meet only literary people. Snake eye! I've never saw that before. Don't make any more craps, understand? I'll tell him when he comes in. Keep your mind on the dice. Put this all on seven. She's gonna make this five for once. You know, I'm writing a novel to Mr. Waterbury. It'll be a honey. A two and a one. What's wrong? Keep your mind on the dice when you're rolling. How dare you speak to me like that? She's not breathing. It's not over here. It's not that money. I'm scared, Lord. I'm going home. And I never want to see you again. You're a fraud, Mr. Waterbury. A cheap egotistical fraud. And your whole existence is something I want no part of. I'm sorry I even met you because you've spoiled something for me. You've spoiled my impression of Owen Waterbury, the writer. Steve, look. You can't go home alone. I'll take you home. Steve, please sit down. I want to talk to you, please. Steve, honestly, this gambling, it's an insidious thing. It changes a person. I'm really terribly sorry. Then why don't you put a stop to all of this and get down to work? I guess I'm afraid. Afraid of what? I'm afraid I'm not the great writer I started out to be. Instead, I'm just a commercial hack. Oh, no, you're not. Didn't you see how everyone at the university treated you with awe and respect? Why don't you write another love story? Are they going backwards? Backwards? Stick to your last. You know the story of the clown who always wanted to play Hamlet. If you keep telling yourself you're a failure, you'll be one. If I try another love story, will you work for me? If you work, I'll work for you. Thank you. I'm poor again. I just switched to sevens. No, no, keep your coat on. I'll tell you why. The taxi is going to be here in just one minute. What? Oh, don't worry. We're going to work, but let's do it at the beach house, huh? He's superstitious, honey. He starts all his novels at the beach house. But why the beach house? Would you like last year's love? Very much. Well, most of last year's love was done down there. Shall I take the typewriter? It'd be a nice idea. Well, honey, will you stop teasing the girl? I'll be dictating today. Come on, Steve. I'll dictate this in outline form and then I'll polish it up later. Yes, Mr. Waterbury. This is the story of a successful novelist who went to die morally and spiritually until a girl came into his life. And then the whole world seemed changed. It's seen her one night while delivering a lecture to a short story class. There were so many faces looming up in front of him, but he saw only one, hers. Whistful, delicate, exquisitely beautiful. Without her knowledge, he arranged to make her his secretary because in that fleeting moment, in that single instant, he knew he was desperately in love with her. One day, he asked her to go to his beach house and work there because he wanted very much to tell her the way he felt, but he lacked the courage. Mr. Waterbury, I... Miss Gaylord, when I'm working, I don't like to be disturbed. Sorry. Where was I? He wanted very much to tell her how he felt, but he lacked the courage. Oh, oh, yes. Now here she was, seated before him, tender and fragile as a poem. He had looked around a quarter corner, and there she was. What's the matter? Oh, I've built my pencil. There you are. Let's continue. He, uh... He was tempted to take her up in his arms and sweep her to the summit, but he didn't dare. He knew very little about her, yet there was nothing else he needed to know. As he strode up and down the room, stating he, uh... He looked toward her polka dot necktie. What's the matter with you? Where was I? Polka dot necktie. Oh, polka dot necktie. Uh, he, uh... He was impressed by the loveliness of her hair, her soft blue eyes, her delicate mouth, a breathing, living thing that made him exalted and inspired. He wanted to take her in his arms and smother her with kisses in the beauty of her soul, but... he was a coward. How do you like it? It has possibilities. Suddenly he threw caution to the winds, leaned over and kissed her. She melted in his arms and offered no resistance. Wordlessly, they held one another in silent embrace. You've got the wrong girl, Mr. Waterbury. I'm really leaving you this time, and don't you ever try and get in touch with me again. I don't even want my salary check. You can save it for the next victim. And if I ever see one of your books again... I'll burn it! Well, hello, son. I just thought I'd call you and let you know I made dinner for the three of us and ask Steve if she likes popovers. Steve's just quick. I'm dictating a harmless little scene. Suddenly she takes a fence, slams me on the couch with a hammer lock and walks out. Is she insane? Well, I'll call the agency and get them to send over another girl. I have one who likes broiled chicken, because that's what we have for dinner. Don't call anybody. I'm not going to go to work for a long time. Come on, will you get out of here so I can wash these keys? I'm composing. Composing. I haven't heard a good song out of you yet. That's it. Give me that again. Thank you very much. All in that thing. Spin my nose. Come on, sing it. Oh, Mr. Molly, I... Here, listen to that. Right just for that you won't get a piece of pie. Poor roast chicken. I cook her a melon a little. Oh, you have his dinner out tonight. Well, so am I. You don't think I'm going to eat this horrible mess, do you? My duty is your servant to tell you what just happened in the kitchen. Oh, now, Mary, why don't you go home? I don't care if he sits fired to the whole apartment. Saddle tail? A lot of good it, did you? Will you stop asking me silly questions? I told you on the phone she quit. Well, she had some nerve. Well, I don't need her. There's a lot of other secretaries. Of course there are. That's just capable, efficient, and just as cute. Sure. We never did find out how good she could type. Agency and get another secretary. What you going to do? I'm going to pack. Where are you going? New York. Change of environment. What should happen to you? That's a very unfair question. I'm not going to let a little thing like a secretary throw me off balance. Never in a million years. I've got a life to live too. An exciting life. I've got a book inside me, a great book full of intensity and scope. Oh, you know something, Ronnie? I'm glad this happened. I'm down to earth now. What happened? When you couldn't still use it, else he called. She's, uh, sorry. She quit, and now she apologized for the cab driver. See, that's what Steve will be doing tomorrow. Calling and apologizing, but I won't be here. Say, what am I running away for anyway? I'm not afraid of her. That's what I like to hear. We'll take her out to dinner. We'll take her all out to dinner. A different one each night. I'll go and change my apron and be right back. Detective Agency? This is Owen Waterburn. Look, I want you to shadow a girl for me. Stephanie Gaylord. I'm going to have a good time tonight, okay? I'm willing. I'm willing. Here, why here? You've always hated the Ridgley Room. He's joking. I'm not joking. You've always hated it. Hasn't he, Elsie? I thought so. I always hated it. Mr. Waterbury, there's a gentleman here to see you. Oh, yes. Ronnie, will you take Elsie to a table, and I'll join you in just a minute. All right, but don't leave us. Don't stick Elsie with the check again. Antoni, you're table three. Table three. Where is he? Alcove 2. Yes, Brian Detective Agency. Devon is the name. Well, how'd you find her so fast? That's my job. There she is right over there, with a man. Who's the man? I don't know. Do you want me to find her? Of course I do. All right, I'll start chattering both him and her. You want to find out everything you can about her? I think she's in love with him. Is she your wife? No, my secretary. I get you. Look, I want nobody to know about this. Can you check a pass for me? It'll be expensive. Why? The unknown quantity. You just finished checking on a girl. It took us a year to get her pass caught up with her present. Do a good job. I will. Take care of my check. Cigarettes? Yes, give me a pack, please. Oh, excuse me. Hiya, Steve. Hello, Ronnie. Don't talk to her. I'm mad at her. Oh, I forgot. Charles Harris. The bookseller. That's Steve's old boss. He's not so old. How dare you go work for him? Listen, Shakespeare, I'll work for whom I please. Or did you have to pick on her old boss? Did she pick on mine? And Mr. Harris called the employment agency. He asked for somebody with literary experience. How did you qualify? You used to work for Walter Berry. Steve, with her principles, out with her ex-boss. What about Elsie? Who's she out with? We're talking about Steve and her principles. Leave mine out of it. You know, I bet Harris heard you just a spy on me. Well, you're not very complimentary. I happen to be an excellent secretary. When did you learn to type, dear? I knew about me. Only the normal questions about my experience. You didn't talk, did you? Ronnie, we just stopped looking at everything. It's one big long laugh. Oh, I've got a laugh for you, lover boy. What? They're going to be married. What? They're going to be married. Where are you going? I'm going to talk to her. Your order, please. A boiled chicken. Yes? Well, I'll have a glass full, too. Hello. Good evening, Mr. Harris and Mr. Walter Berry. Well, congratulations. I just heard the good news. What good news? That's entirely up to her, isn't it? So, she decided to get married to the wrong guy. Are we going to dance? Or are you going to dictate a novel? Oh, now why should a nice, intelligent girl like you marry a man she doesn't even love? For your information, I'm not marrying anyone. Oh, well, now how I respect you. You respect all girls who decide not to get married. Uh, going back to work for? Is this a quiz, or are we going to dance? Well, it could be both. Say, how would you like your own job back? Better terms? Not interested. I'll throw in a voice. Marriage. Mr. Walter Berry, you talk about marriage as though it was something cheap and vulgar. Who else but Owen Water guy would invite you out for the evening and dance with another girl? I would. Say, why don't you pay him back and dance with Mr. Harris? I wouldn't think of dancing with my boss. This is me you're talking to, remember? Well, I mean not till I've worked for him for a few days. Well, that's a nice sentiment. Steve, you're in my arms at last. I'm holding you at last. We're dancing. You may be dancing, but I'm holding you. Like the tide you go out, but you also come in. Owen Water, be you're the most maddening man I've ever met. Listen to me, Steve. I love you. Everything I dictated at the beach house I met, but it was too much of a coward to say it out. I love you, Steve. Marry me. Take a chance. This is me, the author with beautiful words, but I'm stopped. All I can say is, I love you. Marry me. You're chicken, madame. You're chicken in the glass, sir. Harris looks lonely. Mr. Harris, this is Ronnie Hastings. How do you do? Won't you sit down and have a glass of broiled chicken? Thank you. I think I will. Have you ever heard the story of the unholy three? Don't mind. I think I'll be running along. Mr. Harris, would you mind taking me with you? Not at all. Who's going to take me? You watch the floor show. I want to dance. Are you a gigolo? After tonight, I think I will be. Isn't life strange? When one gets up in the morning, one never knows what one will be doing in the evening. Does one? Oh, dear. Right up for the outer office. Mr. Harris' office? Just a moment, please. What's the matter? Is anything wrong? Married Steve. He didn't. Oh, yes, he did. I never thought she'd marry him. I never thought he'd get married. I'd be the first to kiss the bride. Or am I the first? I'm not a very wide awake bride. Let's get some sleep and then we'll go over to the beach house. How long have you been driving? 24 hours. Las Vegas and back. Who's back to be? As soon as I told her the news, she decided to move out. It's a good idea. This is quite a threshold. We can use the threshold upstairs. Good idea. Congratulations. You did very well. She certainly did. I'll get you moved in as soon as I get her rooms out. Why don't you try to build it next door here? Thank you, Mary. Very sweet of you. Made a wedding breakfast. Spaghetti and meatballs. Look, Ronnie, I... Well, I know you're trying to be helpful, but this is our honeymoon. We'd like to be alone. Oh, sure. Say, Steve, be nice to him, will you? He's my only means of support. Are you glad you married me? Well, what a question to ask me now. Well, it was on the spur of the moment, and you do change your mind, so... Donnie, I'll never change my mind about you. You're the first nice thing in my life. Could you tell me where is apartment 3E? Who are you looking for? Isn't that the business of the people in apartment 3E? It's the next apartment down the hall, sir. Hi, thank you, pardon me. What can I do for you? I have a message for Mr. Waterbury. Well, I'm afraid Mr. Waterbury can't be disturbed just now. He's, uh... he's a little busy. My name is Devaney. Will you tell him the woman he's interested in got married? There's a fellow who's outside said his name was Devaney. He had a message for you. I don't know any Devneys. He said the party you were interested in got married. Well, congratulations. So did I. Darling, whom were you interested in? Who got married? There's only one married girl I'm interested in. Now, Mr. Waterbury, I want to see him right away, and I mean immediately. Oh, and horrible Hannah's here. We called you that affectionately here. Now what is it? I didn't know your secretary was working late. She might as well be in on this. Just what can I do for you, Mrs. Reeves? I've come for the rent. But I've paid you the rent on the first, Mrs. Reeves. I've had to make a new rule, Mr. Waterbury. I don't take bad checks. When'd you make that rule? Since you moved in. Darling, do you happen to have 485 dollars in the bank? I think so. Could you write me out a check till I get this thing straightened out? I can't understand how my account got so low. That's 6,000 for the crap game? Oh, yes. And the two bucks for the marriage license? That's the deal! Thank you, dear. Thank you, Mrs. Waterbury. I'll just walk you down the hall. Oh, thank you, Ronnie. Is this any good? She's loaded. I suppose an explanation is in order. You don't owe me an explanation. Oh, but darling, I want to explain... Oh, excuse me. Oh, hello, Dick. Congratulations, we just heard. Well, thank you, Bertie. Congratulations. Thanks a lot. Darling, won't you come in and sit down? Yes, thanks. Oh, darling, I want you to meet Mr. Fulton, my publisher, and Bertie, this is my wife. How do you do? So nice knowing you. Oh, and you're not thinking of a prolonged honeymoon, are you? Oh, no. We're just going down to the beach house. Well, I thought I'd dictate my honeymoon. Good idea. You know, there's a deadline on that novel. It's got to be made. You know why. Well, I'll have it ready, Dick. I'll count on it. Would you like a drink? No, no, thanks. We were double parked downstairs. Come here. Uh, how's Ronnie? Oh, still eating. Same old Ronnie. Yes, Bertie's told me about Ronnie. She says that when he dies, he'll ask the crematorium to baste him slowly on both sides. You know Ronnie? Oh, of course. I was once Mr. Waterbury's secretary. Uh... Well, thanks an awful lot for coming, Dick. Happy honeymoon. Thank you. Darling, why did Mr. Fulton look at you so accusingly? Well, I owe him $20,000. I drew it as advanced royalty against my next novel. And that mink coat Mrs. Fulton had on? Is that one you gave her? Oh, Bertie meant nothing to me. I'd written a best-seller, and I was throwing money around like water. You can always take it back and give it to Mr. Fulton as part payment. Oh, darling, I'll get you a hundred mink coats. Darling, I don't think I can afford a hundred mink coats. After all, paying you a rent will keep me broke. Honey, did you marry me for my money? No, but I'm beginning to think you married me for mine. Look, darling, let's get out of here. We're never going to be alone here. Honey, I know a perfect little mountain cabin away from publishers and landlady... And secretary? Well, except you. And I'm going to work. I promise you. I promise you. How long did you work on this book, though? Four months? I'm rather proud of this one, Dick. Where's Mrs. Waterbury? Oh, Steve's down at the village getting groceries. She wants to prepare you one of her special dinners. Well, I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner. I have to catch that next train back. Dick, let's drop the suspense. How'd you like the book? I'm going to let you have it right between the eyes, Owen. You don't like it? I hate it. Just about the worst piece of drivel I ever read. Well, if I were to publish this, Owen, it would ruin you. Fortunately, I found another book to use in its place. What's the matter with me, Dick? Am I through? Of course not. Every top flight novelist has a bad book in him. Well, how am I going to pay back your money? Well, don't worry about that. I'm sorry, Owen. Darling, I got some of that wonderful ven... Well, hello, Mr. Fulton. It's so nice seeing you again. Do you like venison? Well, I'm afraid I can't stay. Oh, why not? I've got some very important business in town. Well, I'm very sorry. I was going to fix you one of my special dishes. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, some other time. Goodbye, Mrs. Waterbury. Goodbye, Mr. Fulton. Bye, Owen. Goodbye, Dick. He doesn't like you. I don't know. Do you think he's right? He's always been right. Until he married Birdie. Oh, what's that got to do with it? Maybe he's changed. Ever think of that? Maybe he sees you through different eyes. Oh, you talk like a fool. Owen, let's face it. Your book is now being published by a man who sees his wife in your arms on every page. He thinks that girl in there is Birdie in you. You're a child. Birdie meant nothing to me. He doesn't realize that. And he's still a human being, even if he is a publisher. And he's a man. Let's get away from here tonight. Tonight? Owen, you blame me, don't you? Oh, not really, Steve. It's just that it's so distracting to have a man's wife as his secretary, too. I've got to try another book fast. Now I'm going to have to get myself another secretary. So I'm fired. Is that it? Oh, Steve, it'll be better for both of us if I work by myself. It'll give you a chance to work on your own book. I'll make dinner. Owen, I finished my book. Oh, you're dead, Will. I'd like to read it. It's been on your dressing room table for two weeks. Oh, well, I'll read it on the train. Don't bother. No, I'm not. You call and get tickets for the train and send Ronnie a wire to get you a new secretary. Mr. Harris told me you found it from the station. Did you have a nice honeymoon? Very nice, thank you. It must be lovely up at the cabin this time of the year. Yes, it is. A Waterbury original? His last. Steve. Hello, Charles. Sit down, won't you? Thank you. Oh, you're looking fine, fine. Well, four months of the outdoor life. None the worse for it. Charles, I want you to do me a favor. This is Owen's latest book. Putin doesn't like it. I want you to read it and let me know what you think about it. I'll try to be as objective as possible. You will be, I know. And I have another manuscript for you. Mine. You finished it. Yes, it was a long, uphill pull. I've changed the title so many times, I finally decided to call it Don's Earning. What does Owen think of it? Owen hasn't read it yet. Oh. He hasn't had time. He's been busy writing. He couldn't concentrate on it. I'll be glad to read both of them. Thank you, Charles. Goodbye, Steve. Goodbye, Charles. It's on the third floor, but a cat found the Waterbury apartment. Well, here's Mrs. Waterbury. How do you do? The employment service sent me over. Oh, Mr. Waterbury wants a new secretary. Oh, is that so? Yes. Well, follow me. Oh, thank you. I know it's going to be so exciting working for Mr. Waterbury. Love it. I know. I will. This is such a rush call. I hardly had time to drink. Oh, thank you so much. You know, I made my own clothes. Oh, really? Yes. Right in, Mr. What did you say your name was? Hilda Schneebacker. Ms. Schneebacker. Oh, darling, this is your new secretary. How do you do? This is my husband, Owen Waterbury, and this is Ronnie, our next-door neighbor. How do you do? Can I get you something to drink? Oh, have you any beer? Well, I should say we have. And we have pretzels, too. What did you ask for on the phone? I thought they knew our account. Dope. Barbara, don't you bring your beer over here where we can be more comfortable? Oh, well, do you do laundry, Ms. Schneebacker? Do shirts and socks. I don't like to do sheets. Well, sit down, please. Are you on handicapping the horses, Ms. Schneebacker? Oh, yesterday I picked two winners. I played them both right on the schnozola. Oh, and I think she's enchanting. Uh-oh. What size coat do you wear? Do you have to wear a coat on the job? Oh, Mr. Waterbury likes to give all his employees mint coats for Christmas. Oh, I wish I'd known that. I could have saved the skunks. I wonder who she means. Will you object working late hours, Ms. Schneebacker? Not at all. A room with a girlfriend. I haven't seen her since new- I'm afraid this job's gonna be a little too much for you. But why are we- Well, you see, several parts of my new novel are mostly in French, and well, I'm sure you don't speak French to your Ms. Schneebacker. Dad, he did for six years. Once I had a French boyfriend, we had no trouble. Yes, but how's your shorthand? Don't take shorthand. You don't take shorthand? Well, no, the agency said this was strictly a typing job. Oh, no. This is mostly a shorthand job. But I could learn it. No, oh, I'm afraid not. That lets me out. Uh, leave the glass, please. That must be the next one. The next one. I told the agency to keep sending them until we said when. How do you do? Is this apartment 3E? Yes, it is. Does Mr. Owen Waterbury live here? Yes, he does. Owen Waterbury. Oh, Mr. Waterbury, the agency sent me. Don O'Malley. That's right. Won't you come in, Mr. O'Malley? Thank you. Won't you sit down, Mr. O'Malley? Thank you. Oh, this is my wife. How do you do? How do you do? You take shorthand, of course. Yes, 120 words a minute. Oh. Do you speak French, Mr. O'Malley? Mon maire est la paix française. Et mon père aussi. Oh, something. La paix française. Et mon père aussi. Et mon père aussi. Et mon père aussi. Are you married by any chance? Yes, I am. But the divorce comes final next week. I see. When would you like me to begin? You have begun. Oh, thank you. Steve, shall we prepare lunch and leave them alone? I think they'd like to get to work. All right. Tell me, did you ever work for a writer before? Yes, once about three years ago. But I'd rather not talk about it. Oh, well, why not? Well, he asked me to work late one evening and began getting a little fresh. So I called the police. All I want to do is work. I guess the publicity burned his career. But he deserved it. Don't you agree? Yes, I do. How about lunch, Mr. O'Malley? Oh, I've already eaten. Thank you. And you, darling? No thanks. I'll skip lunch today. You'll just love living in this building, Mr. Scott. And you'll just love the Waterbury's. They're so bohemian. Crude. I'll go. This is Waterbury. I want you to meet your new neighbor, Sylvain Scott. He's moving out to the bachelor party upstairs. The police are used to her. Yes, I know, Mr. Scott. Oh, how nice. Come in. Come now. I want you to meet the important member of the family. This is the great Owen Waterbury. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Waterbury? How do you do? This is the... Hello. New secretary. Yes. She was just hired, and I was just fired. Mr. Scott's a writer, too. My building will be just crawling with the... Yes, Mr. Scott and I went to night school together. We sat next to each other. Mr. Scott used to be a ball player. Just look at those shoulders. And then I'll pad it either. Well, what do you know? Sylvain writes that wonderful radio program called John's Mother's Lover. John's Mother's Sweetheart. Oh, yes. Tell me. Confidentially. Is John's Mother going to marry her sweetheart? No. John's father objects. John has no father. Oh, poor John. Sylvain, you'd better rush upstairs and start to work on that radio program. You must neglect John. Well, I'm in a little trouble. You see, my secretary just got married. Oh, what on earth are you going to do? I don't know. I could help you, Sylvain. You, Stephanie? Yes, you see, I was... Mr. Waterbury's secretary before he married me. That's right. You were. Marriage was a bonus. Oh, when could we begin? Why don't you just say, I've begun. Ronnie, dear, would you get me some shorthand books and some pencils? How much do you think you'll be giving me tonight? Well, we may be working most of the night. Well, that's just ducky. I'm used to working at night. Goodbye, darling. Don't work too hard. I won't. Come on. Oh, thank you, Ronnie. Well, I seem to have fixed everything up. You certainly have. Well, I guess I'll run along. Must you go? I was just poisoning the tea. Oh, Ronnie, you're such a kid. You know, you're going to really like it here, honey child. Watch your hands. I don't tolerate familiarity from anybody, and I mean anybody. I once ruined a man's career. And don't you think you're going to get me Miss O'Malley, you may have the day off. Why don't you make it a year? But I haven't even begun yet. Oh, that's all right. You get paid just the same. Oh, well, all right. Oh, what time tomorrow? Oh, any old time. Suit yourself. But I don't understand. Well, how about noon? All right. Thank you. Well, you were saying something about poison tea. I don't know. Thank you. Well, you were saying something about poison tea. I mixed it. I get firsties. Now where was I? Sound of footsteps. Three people. Thank you. Sound of footsteps. Three people. Door bang. Door criage. Door slam. Two shots. Three screams. Siren. How does it sound? Well. It's bedlam. John, I'm in love with your mother. And tomorrow, I expect to be your father. John's going to be your father, and I'm the first to know. Now I don't have to listen tomorrow. But father, I'm older than you are. John's older than his father? That's what I'd like to know. I don't know. But don't you worry, Miss Waterbury. I'm not going to do anything. Hello? Hey, they just turned out the lights. Who's calling? This is Charles Harris speaking. I'm sorry to be calling at such a late hour, but I must talk to her. They just turned out the lights. Will you keep quiet? This is her husband. No, she's out for the evening. She's right upstairs. We'll be there. And I don't know when she'll be back. Didn't you hear me? I said they just turned out the lights. Well, I told. I don't care what you do. What's the matter? I'm going to a hotel in case you're interested. I'll go to a hotel after all. This is your apartment. No, it isn't. You pay the rent. Ronnie, will you take this up to Mr. Scott, please? Oh, and you can't possibly be jealous of that man upstairs. Why, he's utterly harmless. Boy, you really had me fooled. Why do you say that? Charles Harris just called. Have you seen him, Steve, since we came back? Oh, and it's terribly late. And I don't like cross-examinations. After all, we're two adult human beings, and we should be able to trust one another. Don't smile at the way with pretty words, Steve. Have you been seeing him? Yes. All right, then this is it. But I only saw Charles Harris for one reason. I took him your manuscript. He knows a great many publishers. Please don't. It's too late for that. I felt that the nightclub you were in love with Harris, and I knew he was in love with you. After all, five years is a long time, and I was a fool to think I could break it down. I never loved Charles Harris. Well, you never loved me. You were in love with the schoolgirl notion of a popular novelist. I really tried to play this straight with you, Steve, but I guess I made a beautiful mistake. Oh, and I was in love with you before I met you. Something in your writing, the tone, the feeling, the quality of appeal to me so much that I used to imagine you. Books were written just for me. It's true. I built it up in a schoolgirl way, and I was so caught up in it. I guess I would have married you the night you lectured in class. If you'd stepped off that platform and asked me, I would have married you just like that. How can you talk to me like this? I put you way up there, too, Steve. You tore it down in the cruellest way any woman could. You once called me an egotistical fraud. But what about you, Stephanie Gaylord? What have you been? Go ahead! Hold him! He's waiting for you! All right! Good morning, Mrs. Waterbury. Good morning, L.C. I have an appointment. Yes, I know. Mr. Harris has a surprise for you. Won't you come right in? Steve. Good morning, Charles. Stephanie Gaylord, this is Mr. McNally, Mr. Hudson, Mr. Burke of the Literary Times. How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? So you are Stephanie Gaylord. Sit down, Steve. It was a big morning in your life, Steve. Mr. McNally is head of the publishing house in New York. He flew down this morning. That's why I called you so late last night. We've read your book, Miss Gaylord. How long have you worked on it? About five years. I'm recommending it for the McNally-Winslow War for a first novel by an unknown. I didn't know you were going to show my manuscript to anyone. I couldn't do anything else after reading it. But don't you see what this will do to Owen? What has Owen got to do with it? Well, Owen's the big guy in my family, and his novel's just been turned down. If this happens on top of that, it would just about destroy him. He has to have a sense of importance. He's lost all faith in himself. You mean your husband would feel a sense of competition with you? You don't understand, Mr. McNally. Owen's in trouble. And with this Wi-Fi, I have to help him climb out of it. Steve, I thought you wanted to write more than anything else in the world. I thought so, too, before I married Owen. What about Owen's manuscript? Did you read it? Yes. It isn't bad. It's good. But it doesn't have what this has. This has greatness. Thank you very much, gentlemen. Steve, please sit down. I want to talk to you. Giving your pop-overs another try. Well, give me time to call the fire department. No, no, no, Mrs. McNally. That's not the line I gave you. Yes, sir. John, mother, I've changed my mind. I don't like your sweetheart. Mother, well, I like him. That's all that matters. John, as your son, I refuse to approve the marriage. Mother, you're not marrying him. I am. How does that sound? Stinks. Amen. Mr. Hastings, I must say you're distracting. You know, you shouldn't be using Mr. Waterbury's apartment or Mr. Waterbury's secretary. Well, Mrs. Waterbury isn't here, and I've got to get the program out. Why don't you work in your apartment? She won't work upstairs. Then why don't you work without her? I can't. I'm a dictator. Dear, why won't you work upstairs? I don't work in men's bedrooms. It's not a bedroom. It's a bachelor apartment. My husband was a hotel manager. One room is a bedroom. Two or more is an apartment. Sylvan, she's got you there. Oh, come on. Let's work. Hello, Mr. Waterbury. Who are you? Remember me? I'm Debony of the Brand Detective Agency. Oh. What's this? A bill for $845.62. For what? For shadowing and delving into the past of one Stephanie Gaylord. But I'm married her. We've shadowed married women before. Hi, hon. Get rid of this guy. You want me to call the police? I am the police. What's this doing here? That's my laundry. Do you expect my wife to do your laundry? Hey, that's a little large for you, isn't it? That's Mrs. Waterbury's laundry. That's mine. Well, take it and get out of here. And as for you, Mademoiselle O'Malley, you're fired for taking dictation from somebody else. Well, that suits me just fine. I wouldn't work for you even if I did like your horrible writing. Where's Stephanie? I don't know where she is. I know where she is. Where? You pay this bill and I'll let you know. Ronnie, do you happen to have $845.62 then? Why don't you write him a check? Oh, yes. Call that number right away. Here's the detailed report. It's very amusing. You see, I had to shadow you at the same time that I shadowed her. Here's Stephanie. Oh, Stephanie, where are you? What? What are you doing? Stephanie, if there were ever any chance of our getting together, this kills it now, finally, and for all time we're through. Charles Harris' apartment. Just like that, no sense of shame. Well, maybe she got her old job back and was working for him at his home. What decent self-respecting girl worked for a man at his home? Maybe she's his secretary. Please, don't tell me about secretaries. He could tell you. Here's the report. Page three is wonderful. All right. Call the employment agency. I'm going to show her. Look, I want a girl this time who's capable and efficient. I'm calling for Mr. Ron Waterbanks. That's typist. I don't care what she looks like. We don't care what she looks like as long as she's attractive. Do you take shorthand? Oh, but of course. A hundred twenty words a minute. And, uh, what did you say your name was? Ms. Pigeon. Her name is Ms. Pigeon. Everybody says I'm flighty. Where did you work before? I'm just out of secretarial school. I think it would be wonderful working for you, Mr. Waterbury. You see, I hope to be a writer myself someday. Oh, have you ever been married? Oh, no. Never. And, uh, you have no objections to working on weekends? Oh, not at all. My time's completely my own. And you think Mr. Waterbury's just wonderful? Mm-hmm. Uh, this is a clay pigeon. I've come for my things. Follow me, Bill. Yeah, I know just where to go. I want you to take everything out of that drawer and put it in that bag. Right. I knew you'd come back. But it's only for a moment. Where's the mink coat? I didn't get a mink coat. Come into the bedroom, Bill. What's the matter? Short of minks. Hey, haven't you been here before? Sure. I came with the other way. I got a cab stand downstairs now. If you need a cab, just open the window and holler. Well, I'm going to do a lot of hollering now. Uh, that's his former secretary. Get my bag and things out of the closet. Oh, so you're not in love with Harris, but you go to his apartment? You wouldn't let me explain, and now I'm not going to. Explain. What kind of an explanation could you make anyway? Doesn't matter anymore. You're right. It doesn't matter anymore. Isn't she getting awfully personal? But a wonderful typist. Charles Harris is a punk. Just like that. Just like that. Anything else, Miss? Yes, my picture. If I were a man, I'd... If you were a man, I'd ask you to step outside. Go ahead. Hit me. I dare you. Did he slap her? I should say not. She slapped him. I've known all along why you've presented me. It was because I liked your novel, and I told you so. You think you wasted your time. That's your tragedy. My only tragedy is you. I'm going far, far away from here, and I'm going to write a book about you. I'm going to call it The Heal and His Victim. That's a very horrible title. It'll do. Goodbye, Owen Waterbury, and don't you ever try and get in touch with me because I want no more of you. That goes for me, too. Where's Miss Pidget? She, uh, flew the coop. Where do you think Steve's going? I think she's gonna marry Harris. Harris, I'd like to see that little worm. I'm going, too. Now, where are you going? I'm so mad I could get married. You don't think I'll have to? Who are you going to marry? It'll be a female. That's about all I can say. I'd like to see Mr. Harris. Your name? Owen Waterbury. Excuse me, sir. And excuse me. I didn't mean to disturb you and my secretary. Your former secretary? Oh, I didn't know you were in the middle of dictation. Your sarcasm is quite uncalled for. Of course, I don't have to tell you what I think of a man who behaves this way with a secretary. You keep out of this, Elsie. Look, Charles and I are going to be married. Congratulations. What? Just where does that leave my wife? How do you suppose she's gonna feel about this? She's in love with you, you know? You never deserved to find a girl with Stephanie anyway. You know, Harris, I've always wanted to tell you that I really think you're a crude person. Your motives are very obvious. You've given me a lot of grief ever since I married Stephanie and I came up here to tan your hide. So put up your hands and defend yourself like a man. Oh, you can't. Nobody's hide. Oh, listen to me, you fool. Why do you think Stephanie came up here in the first place? Because she wrote a novel and Harris wanted to have it published. But she didn't want that. She was afraid it would hurt your vanity and wreck your marriage. She wanted him to help you instead. Oh, look, I've read your last book, The One Fulton Turned Down. It's grand, it's exciting, it's wonderful. Fulton's wrong. He's just jealous because of Birdie and it's all your own fault, Mr. Great Guy. You know, someday Stephanie's going to be a better writer than you are. That's my opinion and you've always valued it. Here, Stephanie's novel. Read that and really get jealous. You know, you're not going to get her back. She's gone away and it serves you right. I hope I kicked a little sense into you, but I doubt it. Goodbye, Mr. Waterbury. Won't you, Waterbury? Yes. I've got to serve you with these papers. What for? Suit for divorce for Mrs. Waterbury. This is my particular. That thing got out of the elevator. Well, mine's three. What's yours, please? Four C. Isn't that's over in Scott's apartment? Oh, is it? I didn't know who lived there, but, uh, I'm his new secretary. I see. I guess so. Now, have you seen Ronnie around? Well, I haven't seen Mr. Ronnie in about three days. But I heard Telly got married. Married? See, that's funny. He didn't even invite me to the wedding ceremony. Me neither. Ronnie gets married without getting a divorce. Did you know that, Mary? Mrs. Waterbury is divorcing me. I sure was sorry to hear that, Mr. Waterbury. She was an awful nice person. So was you. At times. Well, I see Scott's hiring a new male secretary. Oh, Mr. Scott doesn't live in this building anymore. He moved out yesterday. Oh. Who moved in up there? Mrs. Waterbury. Steve. Yes. She's a big writer now. Well, of all the... I'll make first. She can't do this to me. What can I do for you? Out. I said get out. But I don't understand. Don't you listen to it. This is my wife. You're his wife? I'm trying very desperately not to be. Didn't you get the divorce papers today? You're still my wife until the final decree, and that takes a whole year. Are you still here? I said get out. Mr. Simpson, you come back here tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. You'll come back here never. If I find you here again, I'll throw you out on your ear. Hiring male secretaries right under my nose. Right over your nose, dear. And don't be cute at a time like this. Why did you take this apartment anyway? Because it was the only one I could find and Mrs. Reeves was kind enough to let me have it. Oh, sure, sure. I thought you'd think I was chasing you, oh, and what a brief. But my living here need cause us no embarrassment. We can be friends, meet in the hallway, and exchange polite little hello. I exchanged polite little hello with your friend Harris recently. Elsie was there. She told me all about your book. Oh, you didn't want to have it published because of what it might do to me. Oh, silly. I mean, do you think I look upon you as a competitor? Don't you think I can compete with you, Mr. Waterbury? I read your book last night. Kept me up most of the night. You want to know something? Yes. You're better than I am. But don't tell anybody because I'll deny it. Now you listen to me, Mr. Owen Waterbury. I'm a human being too, and I have certain rights and privileges. I had an idea for a book, and you made me lose a very good secretary. Oh, look, why don't you dictate it to me? You? Sure, I can take shorthand. Oh, and what a very... Look, you want to know a secret? What? I'm a better secretary than you are. Oh. All right, prove it. Get the shorthand book and pencil. Okay. And I don't want to hear another word about our personal problems until I get this down. Let's call this... Notes on My New Novel by Stephanie Gaylord. This will be the story of a girl who became secretary to a very egotistical man who thought he knew everything there was to know about writing. Oh, now wait a minute, Steve. Please, please. You're interrupting my train of thought. He was attractive in an ugly sort of way. Thanks a million. Will you please stop interrupting me? But he was filled with childish frustrations and complexes which she in her silly way tried to cure. Now wait a minute, Steve. I'm not going to sit here and take down this... Listen, this is my new book. Until she suddenly discovered he didn't need a wife. He needed a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist? That does it. Now I'm insane. Am I? Okay. I'll sue you. You just go ahead and sue me if you think I'm... You know, this book sounds very interesting, but there's one thing I've got to know. Did she love him? Well, of course she loved him. She loved him deeply, devotedly, desperately. Then why didn't you say so? I've, uh, I've come for the rent. Ronnie is your new landlord. Oh, no, no. That pos belongs up there. And this belongs here. Oh, Ronnie, no. Ronnie, no. Come on.