 So anger is a completely normal human emotion, but what gets us into trouble is the way that we react to anger. Regardless of what you think about James Charles, he just dropped some awesome advice for anger management that we can all learn from. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. If you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. Sometimes what I do is take different topics going on in the YouTube community and try to see what lessons we can learn from people's mistakes as well as their successes. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and follow me on social media at the Rewired Soul over on Instagram and Twitter. Many of you have entered the Shane Dawson Palate giveaway and I know we're doing a James Charles video, but anyways, let's mention the Shane Dawson Palate giveaway because it got sold out and a bunch of you still want to get yourself a Palate. Well, anyways, everybody who's entered the giveaway, again, if you retweet this video, it'll be my pinned tweet. If you retweet this video, you'll get another entry in my first Shane Dawson Palate giveaway. But anyways, let's jump into this topic. So yesterday, James Charles sent out this tweet, just spent 30 minutes in a Starbucks parking lot filming a Snapchat rant about something bothering me, but instead of posting, I listened to myself rant and then clicked delete. Sometimes it's healthy to have a conversation with yourself before having it with others. This is such excellent advice from James Charles and I hope I pray that people learn from it. So those of you who don't know me and a lot of you wouldn't even realize this about me since you've met my happy-go-lucky self today, I used to have such bad anger management issues, all right? So seven years ago, I got sober from drugs and alcohol and everything like that. And one of my many reasons for drinking and using was because I was so angry all the time, all right? And even when I first got sober, like I had to really work on my anger management because I was causing a lot of my own problems. Like I said, anger is a normal human emotion. Like to think that you're ever gonna 100% get rid of anger is impossible. You're running a fool's errand. We're always gonna have anger that's gonna pop up, but what we need to learn, how to do is how to manage it in a better way. And James Charles just dropped some dope advice, all right? So for me personally, my anger management is a thousand times better than what it used to be, okay? So those of you who are interested, by the way, I'm gonna be talking about some tips that I put in my book, Rewire Your Anger. It's available in ebook and audiobook. If you wanna check it out, it's over on my website, all right? But the main problem is when we get angry, okay? And something that James Charles is learning, right? Is that when we get angry, we feel like that anger has to get out, right? And this is true, that anger does need to get out. But the delusion that we're sitting in when we're in that very high emotional state is that it needs to get out at a certain person or people need to hear about how we were wronged or how we were hurt and all these other things. Now, one of the bigger issues that a lot of us run into is, sometimes there's innocent bystanders, right? So those of us who have children or maybe have a significant other. So something made you angry, right? But then you take that anger out on someone who had absolutely nothing to do with it. And that's one of the main reasons why we need to get this thing in check. So one of the best lessons I learned is that I did need to get my anger out, but it didn't need to be at that person or it didn't need to be extremely public, okay? So the example I wanna use is with my baby mama. So when I first got sober, she wasn't my biggest fan, all right? So now her and I have an amazing relationship. And if you ever want me to do videos about co-parenting and rebuilding that relationship and everything, just let me know. Because she's one of my best friends, she's remarried, she has another son, everything like that. But we have such a good relationship now. But anyways, when I first got sober, it wasn't good, all right? Like I was just still that piece of crap father. Even though I got sober, I was still not a very good person. I wasn't able to fully support our son and everything like that. But anyways, she had some choice things to say. And she would text me and everything like that, and I would get so angry. So angry, and I'm letting you guys know right now, kind of like the lesson we're learning from James Charles is, I truly believe one of the reasons that me and my son's mom have such an amazing relationship today is from all the text messages that I never sent, okay? So when she would say something that got me upset, right? Like it would hurt my pride, it would hurt my ego, and these are a lot of things that we don't like to address or we're incapable of addressing in that heightened state of emotion, right? But I would type out just paragraphs, right? And just pointing the finger back at her, here's what's wrong with you, here's what you did, and dah, dah, dah, dah, you think it's so perfect. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all these things, right? And I'd write it all out. And then I would pause and I'd be like, oh, I'm feeling better, right? Like the way I kind of imagine it is, our anger is like this, this monster or this beast inside a cage, right? And it's just trying to get out, you know what I mean? Or it's like a bull in the china shop, right? And it's just jacking everything up and it's trying to get out. We want to let it out the front door to go wreak havoc on the entire city, right? But what if we let it out the back door? It could still get out, but let's let it out over there, right? And that's what I learned when it came to venting my anger but not directing it in the wrong way. So I'd write out these messages and then I would delete it and I would feel better, right? And I had to stop and really think and reflect on how many times did my anger and all these things like, did they benefit me in any way, right? Like I want you to ask yourself that real quick. If you deal with anger issues, if you're constantly snapping and popping off at people, how much good does that do, right? Like if we really think about it in the moment, it feels kind of good just like telling somebody what's up. But in the long term, how much does it really benefit us, okay? So there are many different ways to do this, okay? Like I said, like sometimes I would just text it and then I would delete it, right? I'm a writer too, so sometimes I just open up a word document. I would just vent and there's just so many cuss words and just so many things that I'm angry about and I just write it all down, okay? I've worked with some people who would write a letter, right? They would write this angry, terrible letter, get everything out and then they would burn that sucker. Or you could take from the James Charles playbook and record a video and then just delete it, you know what I mean? Like I've released some terrible videos on my channel that I regret and it was out of anger because I'm still not perfect. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, right? But there are many, many, many videos where I've sat down, I've set up my lighting and everything like that, turned this camera on and I've gone off and then I never posted the video, okay? So try to think of different strategies in which you can vent, in which you can get this out, right? And here's something that I want to touch on real quick. Like in no way, shape or form am I saying that we should never confront somebody or talk to somebody who's hurt us or who's wronged us. Especially if it's somebody that we interact with on a regular basis, such as a coworker or a significant other or a family member. We need to have these conversations. But the problem is, is when we're in a heightened state of emotion, nothing good comes from it, all right? So what we need to start working on is doing one of these various strategies to get that anger out of our system, all right? And then have that conversation. Like it is healthy to have conversations with people and say, yo, what you did really hurt me, right? Especially if that person's still gonna be in your life. Like James Charles, I don't know what his situation was. Like he said something later. I think it was like a relationship or an ex or whatever. Like sometimes like that person's just gonna be out of your life, so you don't need to try to repair or mend that relationship. You know what I mean? But if it is somebody like a friend, a loved one, like we need to calm down and then have a healthy conversation with them. The last thing I want to talk about real quick and just real, real quick because I don't want to dive into it is that I fully disagree with Kavos on this one because he was going back and forth with James Charles yesterday and he said, he said this. He said, but now you have told everyone you had a rant about something you felt was important enough to share on Snapchat, which now leads to speculation of what the rant was about. Shane and Jeffrey, maybe? And defeats the point of talking to yourself because now everyone knows. Or maybe you just want to make yourself out to be the quote, unquote bigger person, but this is just passive aggressive as heck and worse than an actual genuine rant. Now here's the thing, like I said, I completely disagree with it because me personally, as somebody who is always trying to learn from people's mistakes as well as their successes, I love when people share this stuff and I'm choosing to be optimistic. I truly believe that James Charles shared that to inspire some people in his audience. And hell, now I'm making a video to try to relay that message and anybody who missed it, I'm trying to inspire other people. Okay, but somebody like Kavos in this particular situation, they're assuming the worst, right? They're assuming the worst in James Charles, but I'm telling you right now, the only reason that I'm here where I'm at today in my mental state is because people have shared their stories. That's one of the reasons why in this video and many other videos I will share my experience to let you know, yo, I get it and here's what I try to do now instead, all right? So do me a favor, down in the comments below, let me know what your best anger management tip is, all right? You share that with the rest of the world down in the comments and let's swap advice and suggestions and everything like that, all right? And don't forget, make sure you retweet this video, I tweet of this video to get another entry in the Shane Dawson Palate giveaway, the first one, all right? And winners will be announced tomorrow, all right? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon, as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my books, like Rewire Your Anger, as well as everything in the merch store and everything like that, you're all awesome, all right? Thanks again for watching, I'll see you next time.