 Listen, it's the message right here, black boy tell me how you really feel, cause I just want to build with you, black girl tell me how you really feel, I want to keep it real with you, I want to live better, eat better, I want to love better, sleep better, yeah I want to feel so aligned. Try to be as detailed as possible, as nuanced as you can, describe your ideal man. I'm new to the dating scene so I'm still figuring this out. I shouldn't say I'm not, I guess it's almost been two years now. I like a kind man, sense of humor, I think I'm pretty funny, I don't want to hold the whole conversation, intelligent, I like a bigger guy, I'm 6'1", so that takes a lot of candidates out right there, height is a factor for me, I like a man with ambition and drive, somebody that's not complacent with where they are and kind of has a plan for where they want to be. Somebody who's cultured and is interested in learning more about other cultures and maybe like if we were to settle down, give our children experiences where they can have chances to learn about other cultures through things like that. Right now I don't really care about blue color vs. white color or anything like that but I will say there needs to be a plan. If you're doing something right now that's more like I'm just trying to make a whole bunch of money but maybe I'm working a dead end job or something like that, I feel like you have to be ambitious enough to have a plan for what you're going to do with this money or how you're going to continue to grow as you are in the workforce. Yeah I think that's really, those are like my main things, growth oriented. Gotcha, okay that's pretty comprehensive, second question, we're going to get there. Second question, I'm going to add some things to that, obviously he has to be heterosexual. Yes. I think he has to be black. Yeah. Does he? Okay, cool. He has to be relatively attractive or what you would find attractive. Yeah, what I would find attractive. His beard has to connect, things like that. There's solutions for that. Do you have a light-skinned, dark-skinned preference? I used to think I have but no, not really. He has to be in decent physical shape, right? Not morbidly obese or... Not morbidly but I like bigger guys. Okay cool, so you're a little flexible there, okay. What percentage of the population is this black man? That I just described, probably like two. It's less. Really? Oh gosh. It's like 0.5. 0.05. Okay. So okay, now my follow-up question is, describing as much detail as you can, you know I'm going with this. Okay. His ideal woman. Fine. What do men look for in a woman at this age? I really don't even know. She probably needs to cook. She probably needs to be able to take care of the home. She probably needs to be able to, if he doesn't have kids, or if he wants more kids, to be able to birth children. Somebody, I don't want to say passive, but somebody that's not as combative. Like when they come home they probably want to be in a place that's peaceful and not argue all the time. Fine. Have whatever their preference is. Slim, thick, in between, whatever. That might be it, honestly. I don't really think they care too much about intelligence. I don't think they care too much about that. Most men, does she look good? Can she cook? Can she clean? Is she fine? Okay. Before I comment, I will comment. The next follow-up question is, do most, if any, of the women who would describe this man, fit the description of the woman that you just described? In my circle? In general. Or in your circle. You can be specific. In my circle, yes. In general, in general, yeah, I would probably say no. In my circle, yes. Because I know some amazing women. Some fine, amazing women. But in general, probably not. So I think something you mentioned was telling. In the beginning you said, I don't know what men want. Most of y'all don't. Okay. Honestly speaking, most of y'all have no idea. I don't. And I think a bit of humility. Because what I hear a lot of black women say is that they want this. For me, and a lot of men, especially the type of men you're talking about, love is not this ethereal thing. It's very practical. Primarily practical. And there has to be a set of, you know, strategic plan. Like what are we doing, right? And with that being said, I think a good, you know, paradigm, a good way to look at companionship is a job, right? Yes. Man is a business decision. Exactly. And for this job, before this business, I have to first identify a set of criteria for this business. Or this job. Let's stick with the job analogy. What is the job description of what this company is looking for in a candidate? Have I gathered the skills, the experience? And also do I have the cultural disposition to fit with that company? So I have to understand the company. And I have to understand myself. Do you believe most black women do? So how do we bridge that gap? Okay. One thing that, one solution that I have, my mom used to preach us all the time. I think black women should date more. And I think sometimes we get trapped into, we're dating this one person. We stay with this one person. You know, and then, you know, we may not even be in a relationship. We may just be chilling, be situation-type thing. But we don't get out and experience different things and learn about other people. Learn about men and how to maneuver, how to navigate men. Because we've only dated one type of man or this one person for a long time. Why people don't do that? They get out and they date. And they date their friends, boyfriends and each other's boyfriends and people in the same circle. They get out and they date any and everybody and they experience life. The only way to learn more is to do more research. So if you get out and you date more and you learn how to operate these spaces with black men, I would probably know more about what a man wants if I wasn't in a relationship for four and a half years. And I loved my relationship. It was amazing. But it didn't work out. But now I'm grown and I'm lost and I don't know what a man wants because I haven't really experienced dating. And I'm about to be 27. I'm going to disagree with you. Oh my God! Okay. I'm going to disagree with you. And you know, obviously I have two sisters. So like, you know, and you know, the general kind of idea is, you know, women need to date more and you know, girl go out there and figure shit out and stuff like that. Here's the problem. I think with a lot of things in life, not just this, but a lot of things in life. There's a, there's a, I think the SAT term is Faustian bargain, right? It's a deal with the devil. To get something, you have to give something. There's a trade off, right? And in as much as dating more sounds good. It's also more baggage. It's also more soul ties if you're being sexual. I don't believe in that. That's also more confusion, essentially. I think, I think the better approach is for us, not just women, but also men to be more comfortable with self. And when you're more comfortable with self, you understand the job description. You understand your resume. You're not just job hopping all over the place. And therefore you're looking for what fits. I think too much, too often we prioritize what feels good. And the analogy, and I'll close this out. So there's a, there's a man's name is James Sexton. He's a divorce attorney. And he wrote a book called, if you're in my office, it's already too late. And, and the analogy he gave it, he said, if you ask most people, they had all the money in the world. What kind of car would they buy? Give me a word. What kind of car do you think most people would buy? What kind of car? You had all the money in the world. I don't know. They want like a G-Wag or something. Exactly. Okay. The G-Wag, Ferrari, Lamborghini, you know what I'm saying, Bugatti or whatever. Now, if you tell them that this is the only car you can have for the rest of your life, if you want kids, a Lamborghini doesn't make sense anymore. Because you can't put a car seat in a Lamborghini. If you plan on getting old, a Lamborghini doesn't make sense because your knees gonna go bad, your back is gonna go bad. How you gonna hop in and out of that low car, right? So then you have to be a bit more practical about, okay, what kind of car is gonna work for me at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60? You said that most of us give more thought to the car that we're gonna buy than the person we choose to spend the rest of our life with. And that's why so many marriages are failing. Wow. Wow.