 You-you keep Shelly out of your damn mouth. Oh, hi Shelly. This is Gaulty Ramsey. Probably should start- SILVER B- Ahem. Ahem. What's the story of Cornwood? Alright boys, let me tell you the story of Cleetus Cornwood. He's a retired... police sheriff... moving to Los Santos. He's a- he's a police sheriff that's come to Los Santos... moving out here to the big city. He's a retired police sheriff, but... honestly, he's having a hard time adjusting to retired life. How do I, uh, ride fast? Oh, I spam W. Oh, caps lock. That guy's like, what the hell? Hey, howdy, y'all. You caught me, darling. Hey, get- what's up, mate? Son, do you- do you need some help here? You know what? I think that's a bit better. We need- we need- get in the fucking car! Me? No, not you. I'm talking to the guy that ate all the 18-naked cowboys at Rem Ranch. Get the fucking in the car! Well, who the hell is- where the hell is Rem Ranch? You want to- you want to talk to a retired police sheriff like that? Oh, shit. You're talking to me, son? I just see him on the fucking phone. You're just threatening, uh, fucking Trumpets and stuff. Oh, you're on the phone? Oh, okay. No. I thought you were talking to me, son. Get in the fucking car, will you? Wait, how- you- you're talking to the phone? Or are you talking to me? What the hell? If you're a retired officer, and you're old enough- No, hey, listen- listen- listen to me, son. Listen to me, son. Can I see your license? Show me your license, son. If you're a retired officer, I ask you for a bloody license. Show- show me your license, son. Oh, bloody hell. That's funny. Son, you're right. Son, you want a little of your voice when you're speaking to me? Someone need to lower my voice, okay? You best step the fuck away from my vehicle. You want to- how about you step back, son? You have no right to- How about you step back, son? How about you step back? Have you ever seen this before? Have you ever seen- Son, hey, hey, hey. You don't always- You don't remove a cowboy's heart there. Son, son, you want to step back, son? All right. Yeah, put your hands up, idiot. What do you mean, son? Son, son, son, son. Son, son, you want to step back, son? All right. Yeah, put your hands up, idiot. What'd you get the hell in the car? Yeah, you come out, God. This'll be good for you. You got the hell in the car. My ass, God, game over. Get the hell in the car. E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L. You two son, how about you step back, son? How about you step back, son? How about you? How about you step back, son? Like a fucking Burger King. Son, how about you step back? How about you? Fuck off. And you get in the damn car before I call for backup. I've got one huge fucking reason that you need to fuck off. Son, son, I'm going to have to ask you right now. I'll give you about seven seconds. I'll give you about... I'm giving you about seven seconds. Five, four, three... I'm going to give you five minutes and seconds. Five, four, three, two, one. Okay. You're going with backstab past and removal. How may I help you? What the hell? Hey, this is Tony Corleone with Backstab Past and Removal. Let me help you. Look, I need a... I'm going to need some backup here. We got a 415 over on the corner of East and White. Go ahead and come out here. I'm going to need about four people here. Sam and Wayne, will you? You're going to get yourself into jail. Gordon, you idiot. Alright, thank you. We'll be right here. Yes, he's armed and dangerous. I'm all ready. Please, officer, leave him alone, officer. You best get the hell... I'll give you about five damn minutes before these people show up and you're going to jail or you can leave. You got about five minutes. You can either leave or you can go to jail. Let's wait for this. I'm going to wait for these officers. Let's see. Nothing going to happen. Go ahead and get on the ground, son. Right there. Get on the curb. No, I ain't going to move. Get on the curb. Get on the curb, son. Son, get on the curb. This is the road. Get on the curb. Get on the curb. Oh, my God. What's going on? I don't understand. I really don't understand this. Can I call police at least to see? Let's see some license. Okay, let's see some license. Show me your license, son. What the hell is a license? Show me your damn license, son. You got a permit to taxi in this town. Do either one of you have a license? Well, first of all, show me your budget and then I'll show you my license. Look at this. Officer Cleetus Cornwood. That's not an officer. I don't see no officers. I'm a former sheriff. Get the hell off me. Hey, hey. You want to keep your hands off me? Oh, shit. Okay. I'm sorry. Listen, you want to keep your hands off the entire burger shop menu so people can eat in the city? Hey, son, you show me some damn respect, okay? Now you and your friend best get out of here before this gets real messy. The only respect you get is customer loyalty rewards and fucking fast food joints, don't you? Son, you want to watch your mouth when you're speaking to me? I can't watch my mouth. It's on my fucking face. By the way, I'm going to do myself a favor. Son, watch your mouth. Son, son, son. Get in the damn car and get the hell out of here. Get the shit out of my mouth, okay? What the fuck are you doing? Get the shit out of my mouth. Stop, stop talking. Get the shit out of my fucking mouth. See how that tastes? Do you see how that tastes, son? That tastes better than anything you could make. Go get your clean eggs at home. Listen, son, you get the hell out of here before we have any more problems, okay? I thought we had five minutes. Get the hell out of here before we have any more pray out about two more minutes before they get down here. Why don't I stick my hand so far up the ass and turn you into a muppet so that way you can understand what I'm saying? Why don't I stick my gun so far up your ass? Okay, what does everything have to do with assing? Okay, now understand why you ate all that. Bend over. Bend over, son. Son, bend over. Bend over, son. Son, bend over, son. Shut your mouth. Gordo will remember this. All right, how does that feel, son? It's like, you know, you know, it's that daily, it's that, you know, yearly checkup. Do I need a, how's my colon? Is it okay? Do I need a colonoscopy? I think everything's fine. Look, the hell? Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. Wait, did your friend just get the hell out of here? I think he fucked off. I think he was scared of you, ex-Sheriff. Wait, he came back. Hey, what the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing driving your car away? Hey, you ain't gonna take me on my car. Why's that? Because you are a fat bitch. That's what you are. The hell do you say to me, son? The hell do you say? You can show me some damn respect. I can't see. Hey, you treat your elders with some damn respect. I dare you disrespect him like that. What the fuck happened to you? Wake your dumb ass up. Hey, you get your problem. What 10 types of ice cream do you get in your single order? The hell are you talking about, Dairy Queen? What the hell do you know about Dairy Queen? What the hell are you talking about? It's the only Queen in your life, so, you know... What kind of shit do you get there? The hell? The hell are you gonna talk about, Shelly Cornwood that way? Talking about the fast food restaurant. You fucking donkey. You keep... Actually, I say donkey, but you're fucking cow. You keep Shelly out of your damn mouth. Oh, hi, Shelly. This is Gordo Ramsey. Son of a bitch! Don't you dare talk about my wife that way. What kind of bullets does that take? 8.1 millimeters? Yep. 8.1 millimeters. Stealing a car isn't very sheriff-y of you. Yeah, but it's not stealing a car. He's using his... Listen, he's built a lot of good will. Okay, and... Cleetis Cornwood. Nah, as a former officer of the law, I think I've earned the right to, you know, find me a pickup to drive. Oh, wait, so I can't steal this? Are you sure I can't steal this car? This would be so perfect. The hell'd you say to me, son? Wait, did I... Wait, I missed and I hit this guy? The hell? Dude, dude, did you see my aim? That was badass. Woo! Looks like Cleetis Cornwood still got it. Yeah, I've got to report it to the police. You're right. Yeah, that's what Cornwood would do. Um... Wait, hold on. Hello? Oh! Be law enforcement of the Blaine County Sheriff's Office. How can I help you? Howdy, this is a former sheriff, Cleetis Cornwood. I've been... Former sheriff? Former sheriff... Whoops. What the hell's going on? Sorry, I had an issue. It just happened. Okay. Former sheriff? Yeah, former sheriff. What's that? I'm from Rust Island. And L.A.P.D. named Pending Pending a Meeting. I was just shot by a local. You were shot by a local? Yeah, I was just shot by a local and I did have to defend myself with my legal firearm. I did want to report that in my act of self-defense this man did not... I don't think he's going to make it. Well, you know what you did what you had to do? You acted in self-defense. You claim you have a legal firearm? Absolutely. Oh my... I just got run over by another damn local. What the hell? What the hell? Happens to the best of us, sir. You're up in Sandy Shores by any chance? Sorry, I have a... Okay, he's running away. Uh, I'm in... Where the hell am I? You're in Sandy Shores almost definitely. If the locals are going to be shooting you, yeah, that's Sandy Shores. What the hell are... What the hell are you doing out here, ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am, what the hell are... What the hell? Wait, what? I put the gun away. It's not banned. This isn't a real person. It's a local. 20 years' share, by the way. I know, I'm just... I'm learning the controls. Hold on, I want to see how I can do this. So, if you have a gun, you can grab... So, if you have a gun, you can grab somebody. I'm new in town, like I said. I'm looking for a pickup truck, and I... I don't know if they got pickup trucks at the PDM. Uh, yeah, this is probably fine. You can just go ahead and go now. Oh, what the hell is this? Wow. Hey, this son of a bitch. Hey, you son of a bitch, learn to drive. Bloody old lady. Well, thank you very much for the ride, and I appreciate all the help for a former police sheriff. That's a mighty kind of you, sir. No worries, no worries. I hope you find the vehicle you're looking for, sir. Absolutely. Hey, is there anyone in here? Is there anyone? Hey. Hey, son, you work here? I'm looking for something. Maybe a pickup here. I'll see what they got here. Have you seen it? Do you hear that? Why? Do you hear that? I hear a lot of fat jiggling. Other than that, I don't hear nothing. He's having the PTSD. Okay, it's clear. Don't worry about it. Where'd he go? Hey, hey, where'd he go? Where the hell did he go? Where did he go? Are you okay? Hey, what are you doing? Nothing. What are you doing? Stop putting up your gun, man. You're pretty scary. Why did you have a gun out? You didn't hear him? Oh, you're going crazy. Oh, man, you're having PTSD in too many guns. Wait. Do you hear that? It's happening again. It's going in cops. It's happening. It's happening. Put the phone away. Put the phone away. Okay, we're clear. We're clear. We're clear. It's fun. I'm so confused. It's fun. Get off my fucking vehicle, sir. Thank you very much. One second. Hey, take that gun off the lungs. Sorry, are you going to talk to a police, former police sheriff that way? You are not a police sheriff. I'm a former police sheriff from Rust Island. What's going on? Are you a current police sheriff? No, sir, I'm a former... Get the hell off the lock and I'll gun him. Not him. No, this guy is pulling out a gun. Yes, the Camel guys. No, no, no. I pulled the gun out. I pulled the gun out inside. I heard him. Inside? No, I heard him. I was trying to defend your establishment. No, I wasn't going to fire. I heard a threat. Okay. Okay, what's your name, sir? Former Sheriff Cletus Conwood. Hey, why are you fleeing the scene? Don't get the fuck... Get the fuck off the property. Get the hell out of here. You're asking me why I'm fleeing the scene. Calm down, Judge. Calm down, man. You have to calm down. Make up your fucking mind. What do you want? Get the hell out of here. Sir, I see that you're parking in a handicapped parking spot. Do you have a permit for that, sir? I'm moving from the spot I'll see you live. Sir, you've been parked here for approximately seven seconds. Do you have a... Listen, sir, just go back to business. You can be on your way, okay? Okay, is everything all right here? I think we've got it settled. Who is this guy right here? I'm former Sheriff Cletus Conwood. The hell... Well, you might want to treat me with some respect, okay? I've been here for 20 years on the forest over in a... What the hell did you say to me, son? Please take it off the loud if you guys have an issue, huh? What's your name, son? Well, I'm Jack. We're the future mayor. I work here as well. Nice to meet you. I'm a fellow government official. Nice to meet you. I was a police sheriff. We're on Rust Island. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I've been on the forest for 20 years. I've got my license to be able to carry here in the city. You know, because I'm... Hey, what's going on? You all relax now? You all relax now? Okay, Cornwood's got to do some yoga. He's stressed. Is Cornwood chaotic good? Basically, yes. Yes, Cornwood is chaotic good. Howdy. She getting some work in? Nice place, huh? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm new in town. Just checking out the local yoga spots. Sure, you're trying to get all limbered up. You know what I'm saying? All right, you have a nice day now. You sell electronics, huh? What kind of electronics do you all sell? We sell flat screen TV, multimedia system. We sell phones. Do you all have a license to be selling these? Another near stolen, is it? No, not that I know of. No, this is our store. Not that you know of, huh? Son, do you have any ID? Do either of y'all have any ID? I do have ID, but who the fuck are you to ask for my ID? I'm former sheriff, Cleetus Cornwood. Okay, I'm just making sure. There ain't no illegal activity going on here. Y'all got anything hiding back there? No, sir. Just all of our computers and everything. Do you mind if I go take a look then? Yes, I do mind because you're former sheriff. You're a private person right now. You do not go into private... Yeah, you speak to me with some respect. I spent 20 years on the forest over on Rust Island, LAPD, named Penn and Penn and the Maiden, of course. You're going to speak to me that way? I don't care less. You watch your damn mouth when you're talking to me. Sir, you do not wear a badge right now. You're not implanted by... Is he your boss, son? Is he your boss? ...the current police officer, or sheriff, or deputy, or cadet, or anything. You have no authority here. So I will not let you in back. And even if you were, not without warrant. I'll be back with some backup. Howdy, Deputy Forces. Hi, Xing! Hi, Mr...what was the name? This is former sheriff Cornwood. Hi Cornwood, how are you doing? 我dleakly believe there may be illegal activity occurring here at the Digital Den. I went inside, and asked if i could search there back and the back room, and they did not allow me to do that. Really? Yeah. Okay. You don't have authority to just search people's places. Well, I thought out of respect. You know, I am former sheriff for 20 years. I wasn't here. I understand, but you're not a sheriff here, sir. Listen, I can't talk on the phone right now. You'll have to call me back in a moment. I'm in the middle of a traffic stop right now, sir. Alright, I'll talk to you later. Ten four. Ten four. Alright, I just spoke with my associate. All I gotta say is y'all need to watch your backs now, okay? Because if y'all are doing anything illegal, it could be very, very bad. Wait, wait, wait. Y'all hear that? Hear what? Hear what? Y'all hear that? Okay, we're clear. Anyway, like I said, y'all watch your backs. Y'all best be doing everything legal. Oh, shit. Should I ask you to leave or I will be trespassing you from this property? Are y'all having an accident? Wait, are you asking me to leave again? Yes, I'm asking you to leave or I will be having you trespass. No, I'm leaving. I will leave on my own, officer. I assume we have an issue here. Hello, officer. Hello. Howdy. Can I help you, sir? Is there soon to be a problem here, officer? Yeah, you want to come over here? Oh, dear lord. Howdy. Hi, you want to just sit over here? I'm former Sheriff Cleetus Cornwood. Former Sheriff? Absolutely, sir. Rust Island Police Department, L.A.P.D. Named Pandan, Pandamene, of course. Oh, okay. Okay, sir. What's going on here? I just came in here making sure there was nothing going on and then they... What do you mean nothing going on? There was nothing illegal going on. I saw they had 90% off on their deals making sure they weren't stealing nothing. They claimed they were fine. I'm a former Sheriff. Well, you were former Sheriff? Yep. Former? Yep, 20 years on the force. Okay, give me a second. I'm going to speak with... Absolutely, sir. Hey, Steven, what's going on here? Ready. Wait, where are there so many cops? Where are there so many cops? How's it going, son? Hey, it's all right, sir. Sheriff, can I call you? Sheriff, is that okay? Absolutely. Sheriff Cornwood. Okay, Sheriff. I'm going to go talk to the people inside. It seems like a bit of a misunderstanding from everybody here. I'm just going to go clear it up, okay? So we don't have any problems. Absolutely, absolutely. Please don't look behind you. Please, I apologize. That is not what police officers do. Wait, what the hell is going on? Don't worry about it. What kind of a... You know what I'm saying? Just let me issue a sentence. Howdy, y'all. I'm going to run now here. I don't know about these guys. You're something on the ground. There's something on the ground, sir. The officer said you were investigating something out here. What's going on? Absolutely. I just moved out here. I'm former Sheriff Cleatis Cornwood. Nice to meet you all. Howdy, howdy, howdy. Former Sheriff. Yeah, just out here. I was on Rust Island. LAPD, name-pending, pending the meeting, of course. And just wanted to check things out. And I saw over here they had 90% off deals, which, to be quite honest with you, that's a little bit suspicious. I wanted to make sure they didn't be stealing nothing. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, maybe they're... Maybe it's shutting down or something like that. And into your sale and into your financial... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did y'all hear that? Did you hear that? I don't know. Did you hear? What was it? Okay. Y'all hear anything? There's probably nothing. Sorry, I thought I heard something. Hey, Sheriff. I think I got this all cleared up. Wait, there it is again. What's it sound like? I can't hear nothing. I can hear crickets. Did you hear any of my gunshots? Just like a nom, crickets. A nom? I called it. Sorry. So I spoke with the employee. Sheriff, you worked enough. Yes, sir. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't disrespect an ex-Law enforcement officer son, okay? Absolutely. Absolutely. I was just saying, I just asked if you worked a nom. No, I didn't work in Vietnam. I served in the military. Those tight pants look ridiculous. You're making us look stupid right now. Absolutely. You listen to your commanding officer son. Okay. All right, so I just have to... We don't have to have any more trouble here. So I spoke with those guys in there. I think we cooled everything out. Although they are wanting your trespass off those premises. Oh, well, no. I left on my own accord. Of course, of course. But I'm just letting you know that if you do walk back in there, they will call the cops. And you have been notified of your trespass. So please don't make me arrest you. Sheriff, I would hate to have to arrest a former sheriff. Oh, you would not need to have to do that. I won't go back in there on my own accord. Okay. Wait, did you hear something? Wait. Did you hear something? He told us to stop. No, I thought I did. Oh, okay. Wait, there it is again. Wait, what? Are you okay? Okay, never mind. We're clear. It's okay. Stay safe out there, Cleetus. Absolutely. Y'all stay safe now, too. Let me know if y'all need any help. That whole thing was really good. That whole thing was really good. Oh, watch where the hell you're driving. That whole thing was so... Oh, dude. You know what? You know what is funny about Cleetus? You know what I think happens? I think what happens is... I don't know what it is. It's just like it always escalates to police showing up. Literally every interaction so far has escalated to police showing up. But now it was like... It was like literally four cop cars. Oh, so funny, dude.