 All right, so thanks for staying with us now. According to a news source, award-winning filmmaker and veteran journalist Zulu Okafor has opened up on his friend and popular Hollywood actors, Centipede's death now, Centipede, who was born Obi-Na-Uma 4 died on Sunday, 7th of May in his sister's house in Joss, but the public got to know about his death a week after on the 12th of May because his demise was kept under wraps, allegedly as a result of some disagreements within the late prolific actor's family. Now, in a piece entitled Between Centipede's Marriage and His Death, the filmmaker stopped short of saying that Obi whom he described as shy, almost bordering on timidity and insecurity, died as a result of his marriage. The many battles he fought there and the protracted illness that eventually took his life at the age of 57. Now, according to Okafor, their wedding, that solemn ritual of love would finally alter the course of his life. This is a peculiar case and of course, it's like I mentioned earlier, is still a one-sided story, but really what we want to do is discuss what lessons we can learn from this alleged circumstances around the late Centipede's marriage and his eventual death. Now, please, let's hear what you have to say. Remember, you can join the conversation, send us an SMS or WhatsApp to 081 80384663, you can also see that that's at the way show after one of the hashtag way show. All right, so I mean, this conversation, right, bearing in mind that this is just an account from one person, I want us to just probably maybe take away the messenger and the subject matters and just deal with the situation. People live in toxic marriages. People are there. People, you know, they just stay there and people also take advantage of people's weaknesses, right? I am outspoken for instance, right? Am I outspoken? I'll say really, I'm not really outspoken when it comes to my personal life, right? I can really internalize a lot of things and be quiet about a lot of things, but the day I decide that my mind is made of, my mind is made of, there's absolutely nothing you can do, you know. But I am that kind of person, but I don't know how many people will be willing to have that kind of attitude towards their relationships, right? To say, you know, what I think I've had, I've looked at it, I've evaluated this relationship, it's not working for me and I draw the line and I call it quit. Many people would stay in that relationship and I think this is the allegation, right, that, you know, he was in a toxic relationship and, you know, this caused a lot of things, eventually, you know, he had to pull out from his work, pull out from Nollywood, pull out from everybody and, you know, and now, eventually, he was not able to see his family, his children and now, illness for about two years and he's dead. What do you think we can even learn from this? Maybe I'll start with you, the great many lessons for me. I think a lot of the things that we see in this story, sadly, they're quite common here in Nigeria. I think they're common actually, I shouldn't just limit it to Nigeria. They're quite common in bad marriages and marriages of this sort. The first thing that stood out for me was the isolation. So you get married and we see that a lot from a female perspective. People tend to say, oh, when somebody gets married and she has a single friend, she tends to stay away from her single friends. But I think that there were a lot of warning signs. From what we can read in the story, there were a lot of warning signs around what the problems are. So the minute you see that somebody almost sort of disappears, right, from the public eye, particularly somebody of this type of profession who was quite well known, who was quite popular, I would imagine that even in his shyness and timidity, he still had, I mean, he was well respected as an actor. He was well known. So people, quite a few people would have known him. They would not have been as close to people as such. But even just from Zulu's feedback, you can see that at least he had one close friend, if he's only one, right, to then be isolated within a marriage. And it extremely odd as well that he's a man. Because I think a lot of times we think about these things. We think about these things that it only happens to women. But it just shows that the gender issues, really these issues cut across the gender divide. But he's a man. So first of all, he's isolated, caught up from his friends. Then he's caught up from his life's work. He's an actor. This is his craft. Then he stops acting. So there's a lot of warning signs, right? Those two things are key. So you get to the point eventually where things have now really gone bad. Then he's not allowed to see his kids. He's moved out of the house. There are alleged attacks on his person. I mean, there's just so many things that have gone wrong here. And it's, for me, like you said, the most important thing. I was having a conversation with someone today and I said, one of the reasons why Nigeria remains the place for me is I'm a community person. I find life abroad quite isolating. Me, I need to be able to just call and say, ah, where you going? And they call your house. Put on slippers and rock up. That's the kind of thing that works for me. Having, you know, like almost a sisterhood. I always say that I'm so thankful for my village. My village is full of amazing women that I can trust and I love and assist us to me. Maybe not everybody is as lucky, but we, you must have at least one person that you can trust. I know a lot of people have been burned, that they talk to the wrong people, and then they feel like their story's out there, but you must have somebody that you can trust. And then in the back of your mind, I love what you said. Make up your mind, make your decision for you. And whatever, wherever the crumbs may fall, I'm taking it like that. If you, if you want to paint my story, I always say it of myself, I tell my story myself. If you now decide that you want to go and talk about it, good luck to you. Well done. I mean, so I know that I don't see enough of that side of it, that bravery that people will say, I don't care what people say, this is my life. And you only have one life to live. And let's look at people who have had situations that are what you would class as debilitating. The person that always makes me laugh, every time I hear that line in the song now, if Tewa can sing about her experience, you know, and I remember when that situation happened, somebody was like, gosh, she's brought her life, she's brought her life, and then she answered the person in the song. The first day I heard that song, I almost wanted to take a clip and send it to the person that actually I told you that this thing would be five minutes. So the fact is, it's so important that we can stand and make decisions and stand by them and not care what the world is going to say, because I think that is in all of this, that is the biggest, that's the real important part. Just for our come to you, let's go to the break, then I'll come to Noma as well. We just want to open our phone lines. Alright, thanks for staying with us now. If you're just tuned in, it's our ladies night out, and we are having a conversation around the unfortunate demise of FAM Cento B, and of course, the allegations around his marriage and of course, the circumstances around his death. Now, that's the conversation we're having. We're trying to draw out some lessons from it. Now, to call us, you can call us on 070-250-07749, that's the number to call. Remember to turn off all the device that you're watching us from so we don't have a feedback. You can also send us an SMS or WhatsApp to 080-384-663. I'll come to you Noma, then I'll come back to Jennifer. Noma, what are your thoughts on this when you heard the story? What came to your mind? Because again, some people are also trying to compare this with gospel artist, Osuna Chi, saying that, you know what, it's the same thing. She kept quiet in her marriage and unfortunately too, we lost her in her cold hands of death. Why was he not able to cry out to say, this is what I'm going through? Because literally, nobody, he just went under. He just disappeared from the scenes. Like you rightly said, for his profession, people would ask, where are you, where are you on all of that? Nothing. No communication, nothing. Why was this so? And if probably anybody's in that kind of a situation, what are the things that they should be doing right now? Yeah, when I heard this story on behalf of Saint-Obi, I was completely heartbroken. For some of us who started watching movies, Nigerian movies, back in the days when people like Saint-Obi were the stars of the season at the time, you could see the diligence in his craft, you could see how hard-working that it was. He didn't even pass across as somebody who is described, you know, the way Zulu has described him now as somebody to be shy, who was shy because he created that persona of this really confident person that people could relate to on screen. Absolutely. Hold your thoughts, please. Let's not lose our colors. Nasa, I think, she's called from Magodo. Then I'll come back to you, Nama. Please don't lose your thoughts. Go ahead, Nasa, you're live. Thank you. Absolutely. Amen. Still work. Why does Zulu come out with this and even try to save his friends? What is the essence of the story now that this guy is dead? I don't understand it. Absolutely. That's his role. Secondly, I think we should begin to do something about comfort when they have issues. They drag the children into it because they charge him for the father and the mother. That's a good thing about that. But each time a couple have issues, they put the children into the issue. One found denying the other and sent to the children. I think it's very, very wrong. They have to begin to address it. It's better for us. Thank you. Because these children, they go through the problem. Absolutely. So they should not be involved. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Nasa. Thank you. And I like what you said and I'll come back to you, Nama, then I'll come to Jennifer, where you said that that's part of lessons learned where you say the people that are around, like you rightly said, how come you knew and you did not say anything? Sometimes you really need to go and save the person from themselves. But Nama, please go ahead with your thoughts. Yeah. So I was talking about his personality, what he projected on screen and who he was as an individual. Now, seeing that part, it just brought the aspect of personality to the fore for me because there are a lot of times you see people and they tend to look like everything is going on well with them. Sometimes if you are someone who pays attention, I think that would be a very good time to check up on them to be sure that they're okay. We've had several cases of people, you know, looking larger than life, celebrating and then something just happens. No one knew that they were depressed. No one knew that they were distressed. No one knew that they were going through so much pain. So personality sometimes can be deceiving because there are people who are introverted extroverts, right? And they're extroverted introverts. So there are people who can come out and when they need arises, they show up in power and in presence and everything. But when they are in the quiet on themselves, you will be shocked at the person who you are experiencing because it's a complete contrast to who you have experienced in the limelight. And that's probably where it's said to be stepped in. He looked like the kind of person that was confident and on screen. And then off screen, he finds himself in a situation where I'm sure even to him, he didn't even believe he was going to find himself in that situation. You talked about men, women, usually that's the picture that we have about people who are going through abuse or toxic relationship. But no one really pays attention to men who are also going through toxic relationship. And because it's always the woman who is being projected in the society that we find ourselves, it's even embarrassing to even come to the phone to say, Oh, I am going through things like this. So another lesson I want to push out there very quickly is that from what I see, I don't know what their situation was, but counseling is a very, very important part of marriage relationships. I kind of stress it. Sometimes a lot of people say, Oh, before marriage, or they go through counseling, they do all of that. But the moment the wedding is done, that's it. The truth of it is that you always need somebody that you can be accountable to. And somebody who both of you mutually respect, and you can listen to somebody that you can emulate somebody that can be like a role model, you can see by example, that the life that they're living, it's not just about talk, it's about they're actually living that life. And it's important because somehow it gives hope, even when you're going through situations, it's very easy for you to think that Oh, because I'm going through a toxic relationship, there's no way out of it. There are people who have come out of toxic relationships, because somebody else was able to bring perspective to what they're going through, that because they were in the picture, they couldn't see it until somebody was able to bring perspective. It's very important that people find a way to find somebody that they can trust and open up. It takes a lot of courage. Nobody wants to find themselves in situations where they are disrespected or they are not loved in their relationship. Okay. I'll take Tommy Lola, then I'll come to you, Jennifer, from Ifaco, I believe. You're live. Go ahead. Tommy Lola, we can hear ourselves. Good evening. Go ahead. I want to say a word on to you guys in the studio. Thank you. Can you hear me? Yes, go ahead. All right. So now what we're saying is that in the end, it's unfortunate that we've left to agree, not to blame you, but also we have to feel as far as we feel to go. Now, I want to state this. Yes, we've lost these people and we want to appear about this, you know, which we don't have to deal with that. But I want to prove that I think I'm lying among these tasks. I have some opinions that say that I'm lying down, that they have gone that way and that they have done the mission in vain, but I know I'm telling you. For a long time we have not had a problem. At the time I was in depression, I don't know how to say it now. So I think we should ask questions. What is going on? Thank you. We should ask questions. Thank you. If we don't see them online, we should know what's going on with them. Very good point. Absolutely. Thank you. And I think that's a Patorankis song. Appreciate me when I'm alive. It's not when I'm dead. You will not start to be faking it behind my back. But let me confirm that he makes just to say that the industry in itself, the entertainment industry is a difficult one. Every day there are new stars coming up. So it's easy to lose track of old stars. And everybody's also struggling to maintain relevance. Everybody wants to stay relevant. Everybody wants to stay visible. But we were talking about this before this show started. There is an actor's guild who's representative of these people and their welfare, their well-being. There are some responsibilities. I don't know much about what the responsibilities of the organization are. But too many times we've seen actors, they're fundraising, crowdsourcing, because this person is ill, that person is ill. I mean there's just too much noise around that industry in general that people seem to fall off the radar and nobody's checking. But when they're at the height of it, when they have parties, everybody's there. Everybody's taking pictures. Everybody's out there. We're all air kissing, love, love, hug and all. But where is that real support? So it's a good point that we made. Very good point. Let me come to you Jennifer. So one thing I picked from this is I need people to know that it is okay to ask for help. A lot of people feel like asking for help kind of like makes you weak and it makes you vulnerable. But with human beings it is okay to be vulnerable. And this is especially for men. I think for women it's easier for us to ask for help. But for men it is a bit harder and that's the way society has made it. But I love that people are beginning to open up about things like this, about reaching out to people and asking for help. So when you're going through something, don't wait till it gets very bad. Because when it gets very bad, sometimes people cannot really handle it. Not a lot of people can handle your situation especially when you go to them for help. But cry out, say something, talk to somebody, talk to somebody that you trust. Like Uti said it is important to have people in your corner. I know growing up my dad was never really in support of us having friends and that's because him and my mom they've been burnt by friends and I saw it happen. But there was one thing I made a promise to myself and I told myself I would have my own community. I would always have friends. My dad kept telling me you have too many friends. I said leave it for me. Because from what I saw I kept telling myself I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like you people. I know that you've been hurt but I know the importance of friendship. I know that you know I've been hurt by friendship. I've been hurt by people. And like Uti said also see let me go bring my G-score and give you. If you feel like you want to tell the entire world about it that's your business. And one thing I tell myself is I own my actions. I take responsibility for it. So no matter what I do if I've made a mistake I own it. So even if you take it out that's your business. I am not ashamed. We all humans we make mistakes. I'm not ashamed of it. Settle this right. We will live here helping somebody out there. So Noma and I another friend of ours Priscilla formed a community called Connecting the Dot. It's CTD we call it. So we used to meet every Saturday. So we used to take turns around each other's houses. And the goal for that meeting was just simple. We come together we're unburdened right. Just see what it is. I remember that 2017 was one of the darkest moments in my life. It was a day. I literally this is not a joke. I cried from morning like maybe around because our meeting was number was in nine or seven. I can't remember now. I had nine nine nine o'clock. I cried from nine o'clock. They took me to La Campana. I was still crying on the road. I got to La Campana. I cried and cried and cried until five p.m. that evening. That was when we finished that crime. And guess what? After that day, it's like the whole of the my spirit. So nothing has been able to get to me again. Do you understand? Because I cried out my heart and I spoke and guess what we used to say in that group? Everything you hear here because we used to say it to anything you hear. If you like, carry the gist, you know, consign me. What we have done is that I have removed it from my chest. If whatever you want to do with that information, can you imagine why it's going through this? That's your headache. And we have to tell ourselves that you must be comfortable with people taking your gist around. Do you understand? Until you get to that point where you do not care. What somebody else says about you, right? Because now if you are dead, of what good are you to anybody? Your children, like really your children, right? Young people, you just make them fatherless or motherless. Because what you're trying to hide is shame. What shame is there in it? Do you get my point? I mean, if you are going through something and I really want to hop back to was in NASA's point, you are my friend. You know this is what I'm going through. You see the toxicity in what it is that I'm in. At some point, you have to also take off all those protocol and yank that person out. Do you understand? What is the point of saying now you're coming out to talk about it? The person is dead. He's gone. You cannot replace life. RGJ used to say something, our coach, RGJ, God rest his soul. He used to say what does not cost life can be replaced. Every other thing can be, marriage, husband, wife can be replaced. The only thing that cannot be replaced is a life. So if there's a situation where somebody needs help, right? And you decide to also be quiet, you're also part of the problem. Because in all of these things, right, there are toxic relationships. Let's not even kid ourselves. I've seen the height of toxicity of in relationship. But what I've said to myself, first of all, I will not be caught dead in any toxic anything that loses my, you know what I love about myself, peace of mind. Anything that gives me, that makes me start to think, I'm not thinking where I don't want to be there. Do you understand? So once you prioritize your peace of mind, you will be able to easily take on some decisions without even looking back. So let me add to what you just said. Can I quickly come in? Sorry. Okay. Jennifer wanted to say something. Let her just quickly come in. Go ahead, Jennifer. So I remember having a conversation with somebody and the person was in something very unhealthy. And the remark was, what do people see? And the first question I asked is, who know you? And I'm like, even if somebody knows you or a lot of people know you, people know what you're going through. How many of them have actually sat you down to ask you? How can I help? Do you understand? How many of them have actually preferred a solution for you? So these people you're being concerned about, don't care. They only want to be there when you're enjoying. They only want to be there when things are going good for you. And that's not the majority of people. And that's just life. But you have to look beyond that and look out for yourself because at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters. And if you're not happy, what else is there to live for? You need to make sure that you're living for something. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But first of all, you need to be ready to accept help. And if you don't open yourself to receive help, nobody, nobody would help you. I mean, you talked about, oh, a friend going to Yank. We've had situations where you have asked the person, come out of this situation. They have refused. We went to approve. I think she's coming to us. We went to approve one of our friends. Some people are very terrible marriage. She's fresh. She's happy. She's alive with her children. Norma, go ahead. Yeah, I just wanted to quickly say that it's simple. And I just want to use that this avenue to encourage somebody who might be quiet, who does not know how to express themselves or things like that. Why people need to find a way, most by all means, find a way to express themselves what they're going through. There would definitely be somebody around. I don't know. I mean, I took the words right out of my mouth. Isolation is a killer. It has killed more people than we can imagine. If we do the statistics now, you can't even imagine how many people have died out of being rejected or isolated. So it's important that we find a way to express, whether it's somebody that we know or help groups now more than ever in the society, people are beginning to accept the fact that, yeah, they're support groups. They're places that you can go to. So it's not like back in the days that used to be taboo to talk about what you're going through. I mean, this is bringing a lot of emotion for me because we had so many issues where instances where we literally had to go drag people out of toxic relationships just so that they would be alive to tell the story today. I mean, I really, my heart really goes out to send Obea and he saw rest in peace. But this was somebody that died out of a broken heart. He made mention about his children. I mean, there was a statement in all of that write up that said, I will fight for my children with my last blood. I wanted to just chip in that we should be careful the utterances that we say, the things that we say, they're very important. There's power in the things that we say. Sometimes we may not be conscious or we may, because of the emotions that we're going through, we just make certain utterances, but it might actually come through in our lives. So for him, he died of a broken heart because this was someone who was going through so much and he was just by himself friends, sometimes finding difficult to help people because like Jennifer said, they have shielded themselves so much that they cannot get help. But if you can drag somebody out, drag them out, help them through the process that they're going through, because to have lost more lives through isolation and situations like this toxic relationships, because we were not paying attention. Let me give Uti the final word in one minute. What would you say? I think we've said so much. And the thing that stands out for me still is having a support system, having somebody you can talk to, because really every single person is going through something. Absolutely. Whether you now decide, I love, I share Jennifer's sentiment. I own every decision I make in my life. So whatever the consequences, good or bad, I take it. And I really don't care. There's a thing they say in Europe and women often say that, oh, how many would they count for me? And I'm like, if you want to count, count. If you want to talk, talk. I've seen, I think growing up, I saw so many women who walked in their own path and they were so much happier. There is so much going on in the world. You can't trend for five minutes. After five minutes, nobody remembers. Even if people will mention it, just in case you think that okay, people are talking about me. It's all of five minutes. It's all of five minutes. We move past things very quickly. The new cycle goes around very, very quickly. So if you are in that situation, this is a plea for the friends. When your friends drop off the radar, please look for them. When you are in a bad situation, even if you've been burnt before, find somebody to trust and talk. The friends who also give up. I've had people who I have spoken to for years before they took action, but I didn't give up. So you kept talking, supporting, checking up on them. I remember in my day, my friends had a call tree. If one person calls me and they don't hear from me, they will call everybody else. Because somebody said, you people want to wait until that girl is dead. And my friends did not rest. They did not sleep. And that's what everybody needs to have. An amazing, amazing village or community. Absolutely. On that note, thank you so much, ladies. Thank you to everyone that called. Thank you, Norma. Thank you, Jennifer. And thank you, Uti. We hope somebody out there is hearing and will take action today. Absolutely. There is nothing worth taking your life. If you're in a toxic relationship, step out today. There are people to help you. All right. Remember, you can drop a comment, follow us across all our social media handles. More importantly, follow all our engagement on social media, like, share, invite your families and friends to watch and follow the conversation. Now, if you missed our quote, very, very sad quote for today, it says, it says, but more tragic is the fact that his marriage did not only take away Obina from his friends. It took him away from Nollywood, sent, stopped acting, absconded from his career and perhaps his calling. And this was a quote from his close friend Zulu Okafo. Very, very sad note. We pray he's so rest in peace and we pray for his family, even his wife. We pray she also finds peace, you know, to rise above all of this. We see you guys tomorrow at 8 p.m. as we bring another great conversation to you soon. Enjoy.