 That's right, folks. See for comedy. A for Abbott, Toss-Ello. Put them all together and they spell Camel. Camel is the best teacher. Try a camel. Let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking camels than ever before. And draw up a chair for tonight's Camel Show. Sorry, but Abbott and Luke Toss-Ello. You just saw a very unusual cowboy picture. Yeah. The Indians won. The Indians won. Toss-Ello, all week I've been trying to find you. I telephoned your house Monday night and they told me that you were taking a bath. Monday night? Yes. Brother, did you have the wrong number? What do you mean? I had to go to the hospital for three days. I bet why Lana Turner was being vaccinated. No, if Lana Turner was being vaccinated, why did you have to go to the hospital? She's tattooed on my arm. Hey, you know my aunt May was in the hospital too, Abbott? She had a tonsil taken out and they sold her per stroke with telephone wire. Is she all right? Yeah, only now her conversation is limited to five minutes. Yes. I saw that beautiful blonde nurse I met the time I had that advanced fracture. Advanced fracture? How does it happen? I made an advance and she fractured me. But boy, was she a wonderful girl. Every time she put her arms around me, I turned to Patty. You mean putty? I mean Patty. That's her sister. She'll kiss anybody home. Is that a telegram in your pocket, Custella? Oh, yes, Abbott. That's for you. I opened it by mistake. By mistake? Yes. I thought I could read it. It's from that rich widow, Mrs. Wetwash. She's inviting us to spend Washington's birthday at her Sun Valley Lodge and enjoy the winter sport. Winter sport? That's where I shine at it. Just give me a cold day and a hockey stick and I'll show you something what? A cold hockey stick. Well, you get a chance to show your ability. You know the telegram says, Have ended, Custella, in the ski jump at Dead Man's Leet. Dead Man's Leet. That's the toughest ski jump in the world. I ain't gonna do it. Yeah, you've got to do it. I told you, Mrs. Wetwash, you were a great ski jumper. Abbott, the last time I tried to ski, I broke three legs. You only have two legs. I know, but I landed on my Uncle Mike. Custella, you've got to make that jump. What are you, Sissy Bridges? A spineless jellyfish? A yellow coward? You've got two dollars. Would you like to try for four? Yeah, I'll try. I think it was one of them, Mrs. Wetwash, to advise us for washing his voice. Yes, Abbott, it was. And to show my appreciation to Mrs. Wetwash, tonight I am going to tell my story of George Washington. I tell a story all by myself, and I don't need any help from you. So from now on, keep your mouth shut. All right. So why don't you go over to the plumbing shop and be a plumber's friend? Ah, no, no. You mean you don't want me to participate? Now, once upon a time, there was a little, little... What? What did you say? I said I'd like to participate in your narrative. You wouldn't dare. You haven't got the nerve. Now, you shut up while I tell my story about Washington. Now, wait. I mean, you don't even know who chopped down the cherry tree. Oh, I do, too. Popeye did it. Popeye! Yes, when Washington's father asked George who chopped down a cherry tree, George says, Popeye did it. Now, let me tell my story! All right, all right. All right. Yes. Well, if it's all right, would you watch this birthday? What did he get on his birthday? Happy little fella? What did he get on his birthday? What did he get? He got... How do I know what he got? I wasn't there. Well, he must have got something. All right, so he got a year old. All right. Now, let me tell you a little story. And keep quiet. Now, one day, George was standing by the river, and he threw a dollar across the river. Two and a half miles. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, no, no. You get it. Nobody gets to a dollar, two and a half miles. A dollar went much further in those days. All right. And he went to Philadelphia to sign the ticket relations. Now, just a minute, little. You know, there's a limit to everything. There were no taxicabs in George Washington's time. Is that so? The book that he took our hat got the three. Oh. The cab got started. A man came running up on horseback. It was Paul Revere. Paul Revere? Yes, Paul Revere. Who'd you expect? A low ranger? Wait a minute. Who was Paul Revere? Paul Revere was the guy that hollered. The redcoats are coming. The red... Where were their pants? They lost them at the Boston Tea Party. Paul Revere was carrying a big rusty gun that his father gave him. No, no, no. They're not gun, not gun. Musket. Musket. Yes, it was his father's musket. All right. George Washington chased the enemy and he tried to cross the river. But the bridge was down. And the bridge was down. So the enemy started crying. Why did I get caught? George, he caught them with the bridges down. All right. Now. Now. Now. There was a rifle. No, no. No, no. There was a raffle. And George, he won a bottle of Brandywine. No, no. Just a minute. No, no. Not the bottle of Brandywine. The bottle of Brandywine. That's where Washington met Howe. He met who? Not who. Howe. He was the English general. Who was the English general? No, no, no. You should remember this. Howe was the English general. How do I know who Howe was? I never met the guy. No, no, no. You... How was the English general? Don't you understand? I told you I never met the guy. How can I remember Howe was the English general? That's right. Not... Who? What? Right. Not what? Howe. Have it. Give yourself to me. Howe was the English general. Well, what's his name? Well, what was not his name? Howe was his name? How do I know Howe was his name? Now you got it. I got what? Not what? Howe. Wait a minute. Certainly. Howe was the English general. I asked you first. What do you mean? I mean, Howe was the general. Look, Abbot, when I say you're crazy, I don't mean you're crazy. What do you mean? I mean, you're nuts. Never mind. Well, you're not that very hungry, so you went over to Rudy Vally's place and got some candy from Rudy. Now, wait a minute. I'll stop it. That's ridiculous. Washington took candy from Rudy Vally. It says in their history book, Washington takes Vally's porch. It was chocolate porch when he was nuts. Now, I got out of that one. Now, Washington jumps in a row boat and he's running across the river. Do you know why Washington crossed the river in a row boat? Because he got tired waiting for a sunset boat. All right. He made his famous speech of the day. He said, I have only one life to give. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wait a minute. George Washington did not say that. That was Nathan Hale. Who? Hale said it. Hale, Hale. Hale, you think. Yeah, yeah. The story of George Washington. Why didn't you start where he met General Burgoy? Yes, I should have. What was that? If you were going to tell the story, begin with Burgoy. Oh. Oh, when they begin up a coin. Oh, because I can't lie to you. When they begin up a coin. It was not so long ago. All right. Stay in line, please. What's that, lady? I said, what line is this, officer? Why, this is a cigarette, lady. Yeah. You stand in line to get what you didn't ask for. Don't complain, brother. You might not get anything. That's right. Well, I tried them all during this shortage. And boy, it sold me more than ever on my own brand. But try and get that. The camel, you know. Yeah, I feel the same way. If I can ever again get all the camels I want. Yes, experience is the best teacher. During the wartime cigarette shortage, the experience of smoking whatever brands they could get taught millions the differences in cigarette quality. It was then that smokers' T-zones, that's T for taste and T for throat, tested more different brands than they'd normally try in a lifetime. That's how millions of smokers found the camel's rich flavor and cool mildness suited them best. The result? Today, more people smoke camels than ever before. Experience is the best teacher. Try a camel. Light up a camel and listen to skinny and a sing. So would I. Why do the stars adore you? Are they their most important for you? Let me give a scar By the way Oh, what I Think of the rain Lost with you Now we dance with you And hope for a star By the way Oh, what I I saw wrong But it imitate your smile And you could have heard my heart For a country mile No why Oh, how it's steaming We overheard you dreaming And what you won't try When I lose Do what I And by the way Oh, what I When I lose By the way Oh, what I Isn't it beautiful just look at that snow I can hardly wait to play in it. Abbott, that snow is 14 feet deep. No, I don't care. I'm going to play in it anyway. Go ahead and play, Abbott. I'll dig you later. Here comes Mrs. Wetwash with her dog sled to pick us up. Rush over and give her a great big kiss. Okay, well, well, Mrs. Wetwash, I wouldn't have known you in that raccoon coat. Why, but your nose is cold. Cut, Stella, you're kissing my lead dog. I'm sorry. Now I'll kiss you. Oh, my lovely dog. Mrs. Wetwash, did the rest of the gang get out here? Oh, yes, they're all up at the lodge. Jump in boys and we'll join them. Cousin, are you ready? Oh, yes. Well, yes, let's march. Let's march, march, march. Mrs. Wetwash, you don't even appeal to me. All right, and that dog sled Abbott, I think I'm frostbitten. How can you tell frostbite? You can't feel a part of her frozen. I can't feel my ears. I can't feel my nose. You mind if I sit down? You are sitting down. Must be colder than I thought. Why aren't you out skiing? Well, I'm having a little trouble with my skis. Can't get my pants all over. I brought all the ski suits for you. Ski suits? That's nothing but an old-fashioned suit of long underwear. Well, if the ski jump is too high, I can always back out. Hey, look, Stella. There's that college girlfriend of yours. Hello there, Mr. Abbott. And you too, Mr. Costello. I'm completely surprised to see you up here. Oh, I love it here at Sunbowley. Isn't it interesting here in Idaho? Idaho? Oh, Abbott, you know where Idaho is. It's right next to Montuna and Kulirutu. I can say poor Kaseyapoke is Kaseyapoke to you. And a greasy pork chop in the kiss of the U.T. When the rent colder, it's really getting cold. BRR. BRR. She is cold. BRR. I don't say BRR. BRR. You say BRR. You read the straight lines. I'll tell the jokes. All right, thanks. And thanks, please. What are you trying to do? Poison me? No, you'll be all right. Just don't go uphill too fast or you'll boil over. Hey, that's all right here's Marilyn Maxwell. Marilyn. Oh, there you are, Lewis, honey. I saw you skating a while ago. You're a pretty fast skater. Yes, Marilyn. Costello is cutting a figure eight. Yes, and I do it the hard way. Two fours. Honey, you fell down so many times. Didn't it spoil your fun? Marilyn, nothing spoils on ice. You're so wonderful. Put your arms around me. Let me hold your hand. Oh, Marilyn. Your hands feel so soft. Well, don't you think they feel softer if you took off your mittens? Oh, oh, oh, oh! Okay. Lewis, honey, being here in the great outdoors if you have inspired me to write a poem. Oh. The thrill of a kiss, a tender caress, a memory I cherish and a pause to refresh. What does that make you think of, honey? Coca-Cola? Bye, Lewis. I'll see you at the ski slide. Costello, here comes Mrs. Wetwash in her skiing tight. Doesn't she have cute knees? Yes, and if I ever build a house, I'd like to have doorknobs like that. Oh, thank you, Mr. Costello. How do you like my new skis? Oh, too bad you couldn't get a pair longer than your skis. Come on, that, Costello. Why don't you and Mrs. Wetwash slide down the bobsled run together? Oh, me and it. The last time I was on a bobsled, I had a box of matches in my back pocket. We hit a bump and they lit up. Why? Was it a big fire? Oh, no. Just a flash and a pimp. Love this bobsled run. I take the corners so fast that my ears touch the ground. Oh, California driver, eh? Quick stalling, Costello. You've just got time to make your run before the ski jumping starts. Hurry up. Now, you lie down the sled and I'll sit on top of you. That's it? Now, just see for that rise and down the other side. Okay. Have it. Give us a point. Well, from Etra Golden-Mayer, producers of Lady and the Lake. Assisted by the foreheads, here's Marilyn, the thing for camel fans everywhere. You tossed away the only love you knew. If nothing mattered, you gathered a heart go through. Only to wake up to find us a break-up was breaking up. One of 113,597 doctors. What cigarette do you smoke, doctor? The brand name most was camel. Everywhere millions of smokers vote an emphatic yes to camel's rich flavor and cool mildness. If you are not smoking camels now, try a camel on your T-zone. That's tea for taste and tea for throat. You're a true proving ground for any cigarette. See if your taste isn't more than pleased with camel's rich, full flavor of choice tobaccos. If your throat doesn't welcome camel's cool mildness, see if you two don't say camel suits my T-zone to a T. Mrs. Whitewash, I ain't gonna do it. Why, you little cat coward? I'll quit you. Don't you dare, Mrs. Whitewash. I've got a gun in my pocket and I'll draw a beard on you. A black beard? You mean beard? On you, a beard would look better. Have it. I ain't gonna do it. I'm too young. I'm too beautiful to die. Besides, I still got 99 years to go on my ever spot fountain pen. Why, you blubbering nincompoop. Oh, no. You can't do this to me. I gave my word that you would make this jump and now, now you let me down, Custella. This is the last straw. You use it, Abbot. I'll drink out of the bottle. Allure, honey, this is your chance to be a great hero. Only one man has ever made this destifying jump. That great Norwegian. All that's like a hyena. He made it in 1903. And in 1919, a man tried it and he failed. In 1927, a man tried it and he failed. In 1935, a man tried it and he failed. Monotonous, isn't it? However, I'll try it for you, Merlin. They don't call me sporty Custella for nothing. When it comes to sports, Custella is the king. I can see and I can see and do most anything. You can't always tell that finals are correct. Of course, when I go to bargaining, I never use a sled. Every time he takes, he always takes a loan. And no one has to help me because I'm always on my own. When the pond is frozen, you'll always see and play there. I love to stay there nice because I start on the bottom and stay there. Hey, Custella, I never knew that you were so fond of winter sports. Oh, yes. Well, certainly I am, Alex. I was once a champion ice skater. You ever notice my posture, the way I hold my hands behind my back, with my head down and my shoulders hunched? Do you know what that's from, Alex? Ice skating? No, from stupid down and talking to girls. It's ice skating. We're the greatest of these. This time I go skiing, I float. I may get a head in when I play. And yet you're so warm. Why, just a moment ago, you looked at me and I saw a flame. Your face turned bobby red and your hair stood on end. Was it love, Lewis, darling? No, Marilyn, I stuck my finger in a light socket. You're so cute. You're not so bad yourself. You're beautiful, doll. See, dovey, wonderful man. I'll push you when you slide down. Oh, no, you don't. All right, then you slide down and I'll push you. Oh, that's different. Wait a minute. That's the same thing. Pardon me, Miss Costello. Would you like to take out some insurance Why, you idiot, don't you know what insurance is? Oh, yes, insurance is what keeps a man broke all his life so he can die rich. You're so right. Just sign here, Mr. Costello. That's it. Now, you have a $100,000 policy with your wife's beneficiary. But I ain't married, no? You just wait until it's smoothly found. Oh, come on. Come on, Costello, there. Now, down you go. It's terrible. I shouldn't have let him do it. My poor little pal Costello, come down. I may never see him again. I ain't never seen him. The makers of camel cigarettes sent a total of more than 150 million free camos to our fighting men overseas. Now, free camos are sent to service men's hospitals instead. This week, the camos go to Veterans Hospital, Des Moines, Iowa, U.S. AAF Station Hospital, Westoverfield, Chickpea, Massachusetts, U.S. Naval Hospital, Dublin, Georgia, U.S. Marine Hospital, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and Veterans Hospital, Wadsworth, Kansas. Camo broadcast go out to the United States at times a week. Our re-broadcasts are practically every area in the world where our men are still stationed and to our good neighbors in Central and South America. And now, here are Bud Abbott and Luke Costello with a final word. Well, Costello, we certainly had a lot of fun tonight with Mrs. Wadsworth. Yes, Abbott, you know she's my neighbor. I've got the apartment next door to her. It's 100 by 20 by 25. 100 by 20 by 25? Yes. If I don't get 100 by the 20th, I'll be out on the 25th. This is the pipe appeal you get from Prince Albert in your pipe. The pipe appeal that comes from rich, full-bodied flavor and cool, tongue-easy mildness. Yes, Prince Albert, and pack your pipe with pipe appeal. Prince Albert is spatially treated to ensure against tongue bites. Crimp cut to burn cool and even. Don't miss Prince Albert's Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Hear Red Fully sing favorite American folk songs. Tackle with Adilka Paduca and Minnie Pearl. Remember, that's Grand Ole Opry Saturday night on NBC. Be sure to tune in next week for another great Abbot and Costello show brought to you by Camel Cigarettes. And remember, experience is the best teacher. Try a Camel. Let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking Camels than ever before. C-A-M-T-L-N. This is Michael Roy in Hollywood wishing you all a pleasant good night for our Camel. We'll see you the National Broadcasting Governor.