 If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. Mind pump. Mind pump. With your hosts, Sal DeStefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. Hey, pretty excited about coming back from this LA trip. You know why? I know why. I know why. You know, I know what you're going to say, dude. I got held up at the security because of this. Did you really? What? No, actually it was Adam. I did. Yeah. But the irony in this was this. I totally fucking called myself out. So before, when we get on, we all did carry-ons because this is a one-day trip to LA. Yeah. So, and we went and saw Sex with Emily, which always a good time with her. Dr. Emily Morse. She hooks up a plethora of toys for all of us. Dude, sometimes people will visit us or we'll interview people. Amazing gifts. And they give us gifts, right? Like, oh, here's a protein powder I came out with, or here's the new book that I wrote. Or here's a giant dildo for your girlfriend. Yeah. Dr. Emily Morse has a sex toy closet. Yeah. Literally opens the door. Of like the best of the best stuff in the world. And they're brand new. Yeah. Okay, so it's not weird. I've got a lot of anal beads. Yeah, it's not weird. It's not like you open them up and they're used. I didn't do that. I don't know. I mean, Justin and I got things for our girls and you were the only one that gets anal beads and things for yourself. Yeah. You got a whip and some horse. That's actually not true. Tales. I didn't get anal beads. So the funny part is though. The one that does the vibrating suction on the clitoris. That's what it's for. Yeah. Adam, I'll show you where that is later. We were, yeah. Yeah. Remember on the guy gives 10 orgasms that I had to use. 10 orgasms. 10 orgasms. It's too many. Okay. That's right. Yeah. Gotta put that. Gotta put that cannabis cream on it. How did she die? There's a limit. There's a limit. She's dead. What happened to Adam? 10 is too many. Too many orgasms. So we all did karyons, right? And I brought Katrina back like the Cadillac of vibrators. It's fucking 12 inches around. That thing's crazy. And it's the mamba. And it kind of looks like an old school pistol. So I'm almost certain that I'm going to get flagged. And I'm debating whether I should check the bag. But I figured like all the boys have got toys. So I'm like, okay, we're all going to get flagged. It'll be a big, funny thing, whatever. So we're in line. I think I have vibrates. My bag gets pulled to the side. And the guys are called, is this your bag? Yeah. So he's unzipped. And I said, it's probably my big deal, though, that I have inside there. The guy starts laughing. But then he goes right for my bathroom bag. And he opens up. And it's the same damn thing that keeps getting me is I have this little toothbrush that I was so excited to find at ride aid about, I don't know, six months ago or so. And I like it because I don't know about you guys, but I always lose those. If you're toothbrush holders, the little cases, so they don't get dirty in your bag and stuff like that, I always lose those things. So I found a toothbrush that's like a switchblade. It folds into itself. So I don't need a case for it. So you had a switchblade. So they were going for the one thing that was a toothbrush and you just blurred it out. I just blurred out. It must be my dildo. Probably my dildo. By the way, it's not a dildo. It's a vibrator. Dildos don't vibrate. Vibrators vibrate. Yeah. But it's a lot funnier to say dildo than it is to say vibrator. So yes. Yes. When you say my giant dildo. They're both equally funny. No. When you say my giant dildo is in there, it sounds a lot funnier than saying my giant vibrator. Yes. You might be right there. Yes. It did give me a chuckle. Yeah. It did give me a chuckle. What color is it? I tried to video capture it. I don't know what color it is. It's in the box. It's still in the box? Yeah. We'll find it. You can ask Katrina. Yeah. I was going to say something gross. I'm not going to. But anyway, I like Dr. Emily. We all do. She's such a cool girl. Yeah. Great episode. Great bar. And she does not shy away from any topic. Trust me, Adam tried to get her to shy away. Yeah. And she didn't. Yeah. She's a fun person. Do we cover squirting? I think we might have covered squirting. That might have been the first time we interviewed her. Maybe the first time. Yeah. This one we talked about her, the time that she went to a sex party. Right. Oh, the sex party. Yeah. We talked about multiple partners. We talked about a lot of different things in this episode. This is a really good episode. You guys are in for a treat. This is a good episode. You know, and like always, I feel like the first time we ever meet anybody, it's a decent episode. The second and the third time, and once we get comfortable and we've been around people enough times, I feel like it really... And we did two episodes with her. We did one on her show. So if you guys haven't checked out her show, she interviewed us. I thought that was really cool. She... We answered some of the questions from her audience. Her podcast has been around for a while. It's one of the more popular ones around. It's called Sex with Emily. You can actually find it on any podcast app. Or where is she? She's on Sirius now, right? Yeah. She's also on... Now on Sirius. So, yeah, Dr. Emily Morrison. Also, I do want to remind everybody that this month, we may have lost our minds completely. What? We've taken Maps Anabolic, the foundational maps program. We took the price, and we said, fuck it, cut in half. So now it's 50% off. Here's my brain. Under $60, you can get the full Maps Anabolic program. The entire thing, the whole enchilada, for 50% off. You can find that at mindpumpmedia.com. You can also find our bundles like the Sexy Athlete Bundle, or the Build Your Bundle, right, Justin? Yeah. Or the Super Bundle, which is a year of exercise programming. So you can find all the bundles plus the 50% off Maps Anabolic at mindpumpmedia.com. And without any further ado, here we are talking to the lovely Dr. Emily Morse. What did you grab over there? Greeting? Did you grab three things? Well, I wanted to ask her questions about this thing. Yeah. I was going to ask you. It's got a $400, $600 vibration. I'll give that much to the show. We're talking about it. Emily, I have used nipple clamps before, and I've seen these before, which are, they look like little pumps. Yes. It's from Sports Sheets, I believe, right? They're sex experience. They're little pumps. So it just, here's the thing, you guys. The nipples are so underplayed. Women can have nipple orgasms, and it really can feel amazing. So this is just like... Can they still do it after a child? Yes. A kid? Yes, absolutely. They can do them. And some women, you can do it in a lot of different ways, but I think women just don't spend enough time there. Maybe their partners don't spend enough time. So these would just feel, it would be like a suction, and it would just be like sending, kind of just the pressure and the pulling. Is it pulsing? Is it pulsing? Yeah. With the, yeah, they look like little... They look like little, little, like suction cups. They're like suction cup warms. Yeah. And I'm trying to look... Those might even work on it. One of them might even work on the clitoris. That's true. It's like the womanizer. There's a toy that does that too. It's like indirect stimulation or like a light. The sucking, the pushing, the pulling, it's indirect stimulation. So it's not even naturally like, you're kind of on it, but it's pulling on the nipple, which could feel great. And the same part, when a woman has an orgasm, a woman is turned on, the clitoris and the nipples are connected to the same part of the brain. What? So yeah, people don't often know that. So you can actually have orgasms from people like through their nipples or through. And so, yeah, we should pay way more attention to the nipples. You know, it's funny. I've had this conversation with people before, and all the evidence you need is, because orgasms happen in the brain anyway. So technically, you could have an orgasm without any touch, right? Happens when we dream. Like people will have a dream and have an orgasm. So why can't they guess? It's a game Katrina and I play all the time. How can you make her orgasm? Because I know her body so well that I don't even have a toucher and I can make her orgasm. Really? Do you? What do you do? Swear to God. No, he's serious. You guys don't know this? I'm serious. You keep a Jedi mind trick on her. That's how gangster I am. You're so gangster. I've been with her for seven years, you know? I've definitely explored and figured that body out for sure. So it doesn't take much touching at all. And that's like one of my favorite things to do is to see how little I can touch her and still make her orgasm. Because of words? Because you're like talking to her? Yeah, talking to her just barely grazing across her body and stuff. Yeah, you guys, light touch too. Most women want very, very light touch. I think that's a mistake that I think a lot of guys think. Especially if you're, I think it's even more important now because of this generation that's coming up that watches so much porn. Right, we gotta undo all that. Everyone is so like slamming into the room. And it's like, I've, you know, it's very rare that you have that kind of sex. Very rare. Really, really, we even want it. Most women want the light. I always tell men go five times slower than you are. And then if you think of three times slower, we're all happy. What would you say is the, I guess the must have sex toy or the one that's probably... No, no, no. I want to get more personal here. Which one has given you the biggest orgasm? Let's just go straight to... And remember, this is on our show, so you don't have no right. Sorry, I forgot. There's nothing that you have to be responsible for saying for a sponsor. No, no, no. I want to know which one has made you crawl up the wall the most. Oh God, there's been, I mean, honestly, I would say initially the magic wand, we were just talking about the magic wand, which is like the Mack truck of all vibrators. It's been over 50 years. Whoa. No longer plugs in. It's rechargeable. Oh wow. I have the old school one. I would say, I would say that that one, what so works, it's powerful and the clitoral orgasms are amazing. Like when I first got that, you had to have it always plugged into the wall. So when I lived in San Francisco, I remember, I got a new nightstand and I remember I drilled a hole in the back just so it could always be plugged into the wall. So I love that one. That's commitment. Yeah, it is commitment. So that one was the one that I was like, oh my God, there's so many nerve endings and it's not just about the clitoris, but the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. So it stimulates all of them because your whole body is vibrating. I would say the womanizer is also the most... So I've been doing this for 13 years and I pretty much have tried every toy. That sounds like such a funny thing. They're changing the name, I hope. It sounds like the asshole you did in college. Right, right. But the thing is, German company that invented it and it uses indirect clitoral stimulation. It's called Pleasure Air Technology. Oh, it's that lipstick vibe. Did you see the one on the shelf? Oh! Let's bring that in. What do you mean? So I'm going to show you right now. Like air? I'm going to show you. It's air, Pleasure Air Technology. Oh, that's the one I'm going to get that one. Okay, watch. It looks like a Chanel perfume bottle. It looks like a Chanel... Right, exactly. It looks like a... Don't ask how I do it. Lipstick. And put your finger here. Oh, no, no. I'm getting this one. So this one sucks your clitoris. It like lightly grazes it. And they call it the 60 second orgasm because the women in this... And that's even the highest. Oh, I see. So it's like little pulses of suction. Yep. And you can keep it in your purse if people have no idea if you're getting ready to put your lipstick on or give yourself a normal... Maybe my producer leaves it under her pillow. So it can speak to us. I'm getting that. I'm getting that. Okay, fine. That's the one I want. I'll give you... I want to give you everything. I do. So the womanizer is a cool one. I had some great... I had my first internal orgasm using... Pass that on while you're done here. Come on. Using an edge camera what the toy was. But just any G-spot vibrator I was like, I was just so limited. Women are just... A lot of women are very shut down in their bodies in the sense of they just think that they could orgasm in one way and that's it. I will only have a little orgasm. No. We have so many nerve endings. So much areas for pleasure. And a lot of times because of trauma or shame or we just give injury, we just shut things down there. So you got to open them up. Is it true that girls start masturbating later than men? Maybe because we were so external? I've never... I haven't heard that. Mostly what I hear from women is the common first masturbation story for women is I was like five years old or seven years old and I was riding a bike or I was riding a horse. Like accidental. And I had orgasm or I was taking a bath or a shower and that's what I hear for a lot of women it's like an accidental thing or they were like rubbing up against their teddy bear. Right. So it was just some collateral stimulation. And so I think that happens at all different ages for women. Now the first time you used a sex toy how old were you? I was probably 21, 22. Oh wow. Is that the average age? Well now hopefully they're using them. People are using them more frequently but I don't know what the average age was. I just was very... Kind of like how you said you grew up like a skinny kid and you didn't feel great about your body. I wasn't having orgasms. I didn't even know about masturbation or even orgasm. I was having sex. I was about 20 years old and I was with a bunch of my friends at college one day. I was like what is the big deal about sex? My boyfriend would come in from Michigan State. I was at Michigan. He'd come visit me. He'd pounding away and leave. I'm like I really like not leave leave. We had a good loving relationship but I'm like he rolls over. I mean you guys what is the big deal? What am I missing? Like why is sex so great? They're like okay back up. You've never like orgasm. I'm like what the hell is that? Now do you attribute that to you're not really knowing your body or was he doing like porn style sex back then? No, I think that he just, well he didn't know my body either. I used to think someday my prince will come and so will I. And he'll figure it out. I believe that a man will show up and he's gonna know everything about my body because I knew that I knew nothing and I was never educated on it so if I don't know he should know. So why isn't he giving me pleasure? And with my girlfriends who were like and I grew up in a very open home and my mom was like if you have questions ask me sex questions but the challenge is I think I didn't know what the questions were. You have sex you're like not gonna be like hey mom. Is there something to this? So then I realized at that point oh masturbation orgasms and then I started like studying and figuring it out. So what's your time? I think my boyfriend bought me a toy at the time of college. And so the first time you used it did it just blow your mind? No, I still didn't have an orgasm from it right away because I think I was like kind of fearful of it and I just, I'm trying to remember I was very, to be honest I was, I haven't thought about this in a while it took me a few years in that because I was also going through a bad time like my dad had just died when I was in college. It was like sophomore year and I think I was just shut down all together and I was just like I don't want to do anything and it wasn't until probably a few years later that I was like oh because it was probably also I wasn't enjoying sex because I was sad and depressed. So from that time do you have like time frames where you're like at 22 I ended up having this sexual experience and that took me to another level then I had this sexual experience and it took me to another level do you have like monumental? I do. I guess I've never thought about it here. I feel like we should do some kind of like timeline on the wall. Let's see the sex timeline. Oh my God. 20 were having bad sex. Bad sex. No orgasms. No orgasms and then 25 I think I had regular orgasms with a boyfriend who was very open and he was like he did really cool stuff he was like let's have sex on my mirror like he had some big mirror he put down the floor we could watch each other like I was like that's really hot we watched porn together and at the time it was like the VHS tape and it was like cool and then that was great sex and then at oh my God that's at 25 you said? 25 better sex where I realized oh someone it's there's so much more to do it's so playful when did I have amazing oral sex I think like a lot of women in their 20s I was very uncomfortable with oral in my early 20s I thought that I wasn't I thought that why would he really want to do this does he really want to be down there and I think for a lot of guys in their 20s as well and I know I'm going to hear from guys who are like oh I'm great at it I'm sure you are but I'm saying after 13 years of doing my show I know a lot about men and women and how they relate it so they probably didn't know what they were doing as much so I was more self conscious around that but when I feel like the my best I'm just going to do a side note here my pro tip for guys performing oral on a woman or probably on anyone is let them know that to lay back and to relax and just say babe I got this I'm going to be here all night don't go anywhere so she relaxes she relaxes because I think a lot of women are like looking at the clock it's been 12 minutes if they're lucky if they check out longer but someone are like oh it's been 5 keep going with it let them know that you're into it how great you taste how much you love doing it because I think because for women there's been all these studies that have come out not that we really needed them but I love these studies that say like the number one thing why women don't orgasm was the study and they show that oral sex was like the number one thing that got women there so like if you are not performing oral like up your game ask your partner what they want so when did I have amazing aura when did that start God I don't know if on the spot when can I remember that when was it probably my early 30s when it was amazing so you went from 25 mere sex guy mere sex guy starting to enjoy this a little bit and then not till 30 to someone else rock the world well I think I probably had good sex in the middle there but then yeah 30 some guy was like whoa like you really and I was more comfortable too I was just going to say now do you attribute that to you kind of finding more about yourself absolutely I'm 50% of the equation here for sure if not more like I think that we bring ourselves to any situation so and I would say when my sex life really got was when I started the show so I was 35 and I was like oh my God I was started to living in San Francisco started getting to this whole sex well not the expert more like the guinea pig when I started I was like oh people like come to a sex party I was like great and went to a sex party I had a threesome not at the party that was separate so I started getting all these toys in the mail I would say my biggest growth has been in the last like 13 years it was a sex party right it's like a play party get your invitation no I didn't it was a play party and you invite couples or single women are invited and their private parties and it was somewhere in Marin County we took a bus and you had to get there like a nice bus you could park your car they couldn't tell you where you were going and we drove up to this house there was like three story house there was like hot tubs on every level and there was a bunch of sexy people actually sexy people because I always envision these things like the nude beaches I always go there thinking I'm going to have a good fucking time I get there lots of bodies that I want to see naked so I just imagine sex parties I was like I'm going to go to one of these things all excited go there and not want to have sex yeah that's what I've heard too everyone's like oh every swing or as a ponytail yeah no I think that you find people especially now I think people are more open to it so the sex party is like a regular party but you go and people are drinking but then you look around after a while and you're like what's happening here in Orgy but you could also sit there and just hang out and talk you don't have to have sex so what happened with you the first the first one I hooked up with this chick she was very pretty was this now was this your first experience with a female trying to remember with that I think I had like made out with someone like five years ago this is like your first yeah I know you're bouncing around on us here this sexual timeline is all fucked up I know I barely know about my vagina to all such fucking on mirrors and now all of a sudden we're sleeping with women here yeah like you just it all happened because I was not I was really now I really think so what was was that something you had been thinking about like I'm thinking forgetting people hold on was I thinking about what like having sex with women and did you go there with that intention no I had no intention I was open I never go with a it's so much better to go in like goal list like I don't know what this is going to bring because that was also the attitude I was bringing to my show at the time so then I would go on and I would talk about it now was there you know female would actually maybe you would end up liking females more or is it more like an experimental thing I just wanted to write everything sexually I wanted to leave no sexual stone unturned I thought wow this is amazing every time I did something it was like I learned so much it was great stories it was great connections and I learned so much like I've just I can't remember the entire timeline I would say most of it happened since I've started my show I know I definitely got more open my 30s I knew how to ask about what I wanted it's all different ways now that I wasn't before and yeah sex parties were just so what was the what was the go to move for me and this girl oh with the girl I love it guys never when I tell my boyfriend I absolutely want to know they literally want me to replay my stories with chicks over and over again I feel like just mad eye contact first or what she was hot okay so the theme of the party was like was what is it never Robin Hood what like a never like everyone's like dresses like nymphs and fairies and stuff wearing like a little um white like some fairy wings and angel dust and there was this really this I keep saying chick but I say chick a lot that's a funny one but hot chick you're allowed to you're a chick yourself she was really she was pretty and I noticed her and she was like you're really sexy and I'm like thanks and then we started hanging out no we were like hanging out and drink not interested in because the only single at the time single women could go with or you had to be a single woman on your own or go with a couple and then we just started um I don't know we started making out and then we were like on the bed there was a bed of course in the middle of the room and then I looked around and there was like people around us and that was kind of was that a turn on because people were watching did it encourage you or were you make you more nervous no I really it's funny I don't get nervous that often I get nervous about I'm here I'm open and it was I remember she like touching her her breasts she had fake boobs she had been like a former dancer and we just made it was a great kiss I remember our kiss was amazing I remember it was like she was like wow it was like this magical it felt like it was like an hour long did you find yourself getting wet because of it did you get turned on that much from it or was it like I'm just kind of having fun right now I always get hard on from that you know is it like that I was turned on we had a kind of date like the next week oh wow so some shit happened down there no nothing yeah a little bit we didn't go down on each other no I was tingly I was turned on but we didn't go down on each other but I remember feeling like it was it was really hot and it was fun to have that kind of like crush and experience probably also crossing that like taboo line like right that's probably exciting what's the big difference between having sex with women and men is there a big difference besides the obviously fundamentals I think there are women I think that women just like we know each other we just know each other's bodies and I think we know to go slow we know how to pay attention we're so much we can like you have the cheat code already yeah we do I'm like I got this equipment I've driven one of these before like I know my way around the clitoris your vulva like I can kind of and I can read it and you just kind of know what we like kissing and we like touching I don't know soft pretty you know the machinery and then you said a threesome was it after that comfortable with another woman I guess so it's just so funny yeah it was soon after that I had to forget trying to think but I think I had one before trying to remember guys is this like a reoccurring thing that happens a lot not lately my boyfriend's not happy about that he's like what about you and I he's like this is a bullshit I'd be mad if I was him too I hear you talking about all this other radio like now we start dating and you want to be just you and I he's like literally why can't we go one of your sex parties every day he's like I just what what am I supposed to do about this this is your job how can I do it you know I second planning asked me at a time when I'm in front of the computer and I can email some people and I don't know why he just thinks like magically they're just going to show up because the truth is all of my threesome and sexual experience that I've had were organic they were mostly when I'm not in a relationship there was one guy I was dating in San Francisco for like a year and he was like he was like he was like he wasn't like my boyfriend boyfriend but we saw each other once a week and he emailed me when they're texting when I was like hey there's this chick I want you to meet she's never been the woman let's get drinks and see what happens and then we all ended up with this amazing threesome when we're all like not really attached in the sense of like he wasn't like my serious boyfriend well I feel like it'd be more complicated when you're actually with someone not always right but when you're with someone you just want to date or like you're serious with you're listening like we should have a threesome to spice it up it's like just like people have a baby to get closer don't have a threesome to heal your relationship it's the couples who actually have the healthiest communication around it like you literally have to walk it through and be like can we kiss her like how are we both going to find someone that we're into you have to set the boundaries and the rules of the expectations ahead of time it doesn't work otherwise it could get complicated I feel like I can count on one hand how many times I've had a threesome but every time it did in your head they never do as a young boy that was masturbating to that probably many many times when it actually got to game time it's more awkward than it actually was like that amazing and I feel like for guys like you got your hands full like it's a one woman can be enough and then you got two you got four breasts you got a lot going on it sounds cool to tell your buddies that's what I always tell them mean more hands it's more of that than anything else is to come back to school or work and be like guess what I did this week I have a question when we say threesome we always assume it's two girls and one guy right right right it's two guys and a girl what about that I think that would be amazing that's on my bucket list I've also talked that through with my boyfriend I just never done that no I feel like that would be more true oh okay back up wait a minute recall I haven't I think it was like an aborted threesome once like it was it always happened and I was like aborted aborted I was like literally it always happened I was like check in with yourself and that's why it's great not to drink too much I think that's been I'm not a huge drinker so I haven't made a lot of the sexual I think regrets a lot of what happens to be around drinking I think you lose your inhibitions and you just do things that you might regret in the morning and I know when my body doesn't feel right I'm out like I can't do it well here's a good question for that then because I know people who've done you know threesome or threesome where there's two guys and a girl and many times they feel ashamed afterwards like what do you say to people like that yeah ok there you go what do you say to people like that who feels who feels shameful I mean the man or the woman or everyone oh it's typically the women I've had friends that were females that had like a threesome or had sex with two guys at the same time and felt kind of embarrassed well when I say that anyone who feels shameful about sex is like I just if I could leave the planet and I could do anything is to help people get rid of shame and guilt and fear around sex because that's your slut or judge her but I think like we don't have to take any of that in and just like the fact that she's probably had this beautiful experience to wake up and judge it in the morning I just think is the service for herself so really just to realize where are these if you have these negative thoughts because so many people do I talk to women they have different levels of that they're like well I should wait for dates before I sleep with them or I should or whatever it is I should lie about my you know what I really want or if I ask for what I want and Betty's gonna think all this like slut shaming and worry stuff I just I feel like the more that women can really get comfortable in their bodies asking for what they want and then realizing like it's such a great act of self love to say I want I chose these men I wanted to have it and yes it was the best night of my life are you gonna challenge me on that like anyone who did come after her and even just tell herself like I just gave myself this beautiful experience with these men and it felt great and this is it's mostly our biggest damage comes from our own thoughts it's really not the people you want in your life that's right and the other I've always thought that it's maybe better especially if you can experiment that way to do it sober because I feel like if you don't afterwards you can say I was drunk and that's why rather when you're sober you're like okay I made a decision it's what I want exactly I think that's a great I mean I think that right I think a lot of the regrets come from that even yeah it's better to be sober in these situations I think now we started the podcast off by talking about all the awesome toys that caution people on overusing it like can you get to a point where desensitize yourself you're getting so good with having your toy and having orgasms from that that you're maybe not spending as much time from your partner do you ever caution go back to mission yeah let's start from the beginning I wouldn't I don't caution people I caution people over just kind of getting stuck in a rut sexual rut and doing the same thing every single day so if you're and we all have our hidden quiet routines right I got two seconds I want to get off and get out so you have your vibrator I'm happy you're having orgasms because orgasms are so healthy I mean you guys probably know this too for men and for women your prostate for women it helps with depression PMS your skin the glow like all of it is important to master it but if you only are doing it in one way and you're kind of like on this I was like autopilot with your toys I would say try it like try exploring other parts of your body without a toy or use the toy on your nipples use it down your thighs like tease yourself with your nerve endings you can simulate because we have so many paths to pleasure something you said on our last podcast that I thought was absolutely brilliant was and maybe I think you said this was you know sometimes it's okay to play with each other or whatever without the goal of orgasm just I thought that was absolutely brilliant right because I think for a lot of couples they are just people in general we get stuck in a rut because we do the same things over and over again and we think that orgasm is the end goal but I wish that we could stop thinking of sex we touched my boobs I would touch a game on blowjob and then we have sex then we're over we roll over and watch Netflix like I wish it could be like it doesn't have to be orgasm or even intercourse but give each other essential massage you know make out like you used to at the beginning and just play with each other use toys use nipple clamps like I gave you some nipple clamps use bondage gear like talk dirty like try to give your partner an orgasm without touching well I think this is so important just because and I've noticed as I've gotten older is just in my home I'm in my bedroom that I'm mentally in this space to have sex but a lot of times I find that I'm not there even though I'm there you're talking to me you know I'm talking to you but I'm also texting on my phone and I do an email still and I'm not fully engaged and I find that the conversation around anything whether we're talking about stimulating conversation or toys or favorite position that we did just starting to start with that I think sometimes people feel like you right away have to jump into and have sex as much I feel like I would say foreplay starts after the last orgasm so what that means is you're never done like connecting seducing with your partner like said a sexy text talk about how hot it was last night and what you want to do the next time you see them like because our brain is a largest sex organ so if you keep sex top of mind then when you get into the bedroom not every time we all have busy days but you're kind of like already in the mode because to think that we should just like if you feel great in your body from working out from exercise we all know that that is a huge part when you're just taking care of yourself you're going to be more ready for sex but also stress is the biggest killer of our sex drive so if you can kind of have even a routine with your partner like let's put our phones away when we get home for a few hours if we can and let's just talk or touch or watch porn together read erotica like do something that's like a new kernel in your bedroom I'm brushing my teeth your brush let's have sex like it's just like we should even having sex outside the bedroom can be enough for people if you're always having it in your bedroom have it in the kitchen in the living room that could make a huge difference in the mind pump studio in the mind pump studio it's a great place sales chairs it was on yours Adam it was on yours and you know along those lines I think another thing too I mean I was married for 15 and the last probably 10 of it was dysfunctional and there were times when we had one of the issues was sex and it was I wanted much more of it and she didn't want much of it at all and then the very few times when she sometimes would want it it's almost like she just expected me and maybe because there's that stereotype of being a man where he should be ready and if he's not then what do you say exactly what we talked about earlier you were saying that when you guys were on my show we were talking about how women you're actually hearing from women or men who didn't want sex as much when you start with who were out of shape or weren't as healthy their libido felt challenged low testosterone that there is this myth that men should be ready to go and it's I feel like my heart goes out to men because there's so much pressure on men to to be the leaders like I said someday my parents will come and so I really believe that men knew everything they got to be ready to go I just think it's education it's like understanding go easy on yourself don't just kind of everything that you believe around sex probably isn't true like everything that you've been told about everyone being ready all the time and sex is to be amazing the entire time you're together and sex doesn't take work and it doesn't take communication it doesn't take mixing things up like it does so if you don't if you don't believe any of that stuff like I want you to start like kind of listen to my podcast start researching sex talking about sex that's how it's going to get all these things are all these things are so untrue what about for couples who you know have children and you know post children sometimes I think you know scheduling busy hormones can change tired and I noticed this with my friends I have a lot of friends who are married with kids and I was married with kids at one point and you just see like oh we used to have sex all the time and now it's completely different like what are some tips you can give yes well first accept it it's not broken there's nothing wrong guys aren't in crisis it's just it's a natural state of relationship it literally happens in every relationship so you guys must have questions like this for people like why did I might stop what is it called when you plateau like why don't I plateau for 30 days of this I mean probably every day you get the same questions in certain levels I get that question almost every day 10 times a day cause people are like shocked is something wrong with us we've been together we've kids and we don't want to have a relationship so how you kind of can kind of and I love couples to get ahead of that and to expect that it's coming cause it's still going to happen but the best way start talking about sex the first time you have sex not in a way like was that good good for you great okay but like what turns you on like what feels good what like how could we like up our game like know that when we don't want sex we talk about why we we gotta like what are we gonna do but if you haven't done that and you have a baby your life gets busy I think it's just to like kind of just say like let's work on this together it's not don't know blaming no shaming don't try to fix it on your own I think that this is when we hear like you know maybe she'll start getting like sexy lingerie and doing something just for her and maybe on his own I don't know what he's doing on his own but I think when couples are like we're no longer connecting so I think it's making a date night so cliche and basic but if you have a kid and you have not taken a night off I know you're tired and maybe you can't afford a babysitter but like you could find something even if it's for three hours to have a u-time where you guys are out without the kids setting the alarm earlier in the morning even if you're tired or later at night or having that night set that you know you're gonna have sex or that morning is important get your hormones checked there's a lot of women who are told by their doctor that six weeks you're ready to go and I very rarely do that I see that women are like their bodies like depends what kind of even no matter what kind of pregnancy you had delivery you had it's going to affect your body in some way it's gonna take some repair so I think that women don't know enough in the states about repairing their pelvic floor and how much toll that can take I just did a great podcast with Heather Jeffcoat all about the pelvic floor and so I think for women getting your hormones checked getting it back in shape so there's a lot of different things that are happening at the table you might not be ready for penetration it might be a whole thing but sensual massage mutual masturbation where you're both getting off it's intimate you're lying in bed together but you're doing your own thing so it's sexy to watch your partner do their thing and then you're also learning as well like oh I didn't know that she uses two fingers on her clitoris and six one inside or like that's how she gets herself up I might take that information and use that next time Mutual masturbation is very underrated I think so do and it requires less energy if you're tired or whatever I agree so there's a what about momentum do you think that plays a role too like I feel like sometimes we come and go in waves like all of a sudden you don't have sex for like a week or two and then you have three or four and is there ways to use that momentum as like to help kickstart or keep the sex drive to keep it going that's a great question usually the momentum happens who knows maybe you were on a vacation or you both had some more time on it's a great example because that always with a vacation sex is the best it's underrated when we first started dating that was one of the go-tos that I used to tell Katrina like cause she's she has an incredible sex drive it was up to her we'd have it seven days a week and I just can't keep up with her and so I always tell her like you know if you feel like you're being deprived that way like you know me all you have to do is get me out of here you know let's just go somewhere for a weekend and so she runs the calendar and schedule and that's typically what she does I'll find out that oh we're heading away for three days and we're heading up to some spa resort for a couple days and the thing about vacation sex is that you're you're switching up location so anytime we can do something that's like spontaneous and new because what happens to couples in long-term relationships is in the beginning everything's new everything's spontaneous everything's unknown it's like the first time you have everything cowgirl imitial masturbator all this stuff but after a while it becomes routine and those are the ingredients that were so so important for hot sex all that newness and spontaneity becomes routine and that's like you know when just yeah you get to your routine we're wired for novelty we're wired for novelty so when you take it to a new you're not your bills aren't sitting around it's not your TV your clothes aren't on the chair your kids can't hear you and it's a new place that you're both discovering you have to worry about the sheets maybe there's a great sunset you can watch I mean there's just so much newness to that which is why I love vacation sex but how you keep that going is you continue to do novel things in your relationship you continue to surprise each other you continue to talk about sex in a way like I know a lot of couples listen to my podcast together which has been kind of a fun like byproduct of like we were on a road trip and we listened for five hours because it can be really challenging for people to talk about sex so if they're like oh well Emily said it well maybe we'll do it like Emily says that we could try this or what do you think about that I think it sounds weird to do massage but I would would you like oh yeah let's take a massage class and then you got your massage class so it's like listen to things like just keep it top of mind say like God you seemed like last night you were so turned on what what was happening or like what was the hottest thing that we did last night or what's your most memorable time we've had sex and why like just kind of keep that energy going such a great question to ask and I think very few people do yeah that's one of my favorite things to do is ask tell me about the sex you've had in the past and you know you gotta be kind of a self-confident individual ask that question but that can be very sexy especially if you have an insecurity aspect of it you hear the stories yeah your partner's with you now so if you can be okay with their past like you guys were asking about the threesome I've told you he's like tell me again about the time but now it's true I think it's continued to put the fuel like continue to stoke that fire however you you can like and for a lot of people it is like feeling good in their body so it is wearing something sexy it is like I don't think you're doing it for your partner like I'm going to get she finds out it's like what makes me feel sexy and to continually like keep challenging now you've been doing this for a really long time so have you seen like a difference in the generations like for example like I was excited I was excited to talk to you just finished this book called iGen and it's about the generation now that's growing up which they call the iGen now and there's a term called lugs and bugs are you familiar with this term okay so it stands oh that I've heard lesbian till graduation yes and bug is bisexual until graduation and it's kind of like this movement in the younger generation of exploring your sexuality until you graduate from college and they've turned them as lugs and bugs so have you noticed a difference in the generations and you see good things bad things do you think that's a good thing like what are your thoughts on lugs I think yeah I do I think it's funny because I like let's explore and figure out who we are I think it's great for people to have a period where they're exploring and I want to know why just until graduation it's like well better button up now and get a job and stop all that bisexual stuff what if you're into it like what if it felt great and I feel like what if it was something that you might that you might want to continue that lifestyle I think we're much more open now to people who are experimenting sexually there was a study that just came out that said most people are not straight like the majority of the iGen are just really straight like Kinsey always said everyone's on the spectrum like the one is being very straight and rare that people are on one end very rarely very rarely is anyone on one even men but it's showing that we're just much more open and I think when we're giving people permission to explore because I think like 20 years ago maybe the generation or maybe even like 30 they were like oh I kissed a girl I got drunk and kissed a girl at the bar because my boyfriend thought it would be hot you know now I think people are more on having relationships about experimenting this late in his age do you think there's ever a time that's too late? never too late is it ever too late to get in shape? I feel like we're all working this it's pretty much the same thing like there's so many parallels between like becoming sexually happy becoming happy it's not too late to be a bug never too late never I'm just glad that people want to know like I'm glad that people are interested no never too late we'll give you some toys too we got you covered it wasn't just for them toys any fear like do you notice any sort of trends with the questions that you get from the 17 to 20 year olds and like what do you I'll tell you my fears my fears are about porn I think they were kind of we're in a porn crisis and I'm not I'm for porn like when you use it in a healthy way like I think it's great for couples I love Erica Lust porn EricaLust.com she's like it's from the female gaze it's kind of porn that kind of have just a I don't know a different perspective more tasteful and more soft more plots but there's plots and better angles no but it's really great porn but I think that for couples great learning tool for people they can just I like porn but now it's become in crisis level because there's a lot of young kids who when they think of sex they think of like a gang bang they think like when I have sex there's going to be six women who showed up and why didn't that happen because women are making sounds like they think that's a script like I should walk this way move this way and since sex education is absent and or abysmal especially in the United States when that's all you're seeing and then you go straight to having sex it's like horrific and I would love to to get to all of these young minds and just so that no like please like there are so many other ways to to learn about sex to have sex and you're doing it all wrong now can you tell can you tell that by the questions that you're getting I mean what do you what are you seeing like what are they asking you like when you to put that together because I agree too I think we all on the same page that that's it's so accessible it's so accessible it's a desensitization like when we were kids a porn magazine was you could trade it for a bike you could trade it for a bike literally I could trade it for a bike and now it's like I can go and click click click click and I read some studies that show that especially when you're an adolescence it trains especially the male brain because it's so wide it's wired for novelty even more than the female brain and it starts to develop these patterns where you need a particular type of dopamine hit to where when you're with a regular person it doesn't do the same thing yeah your rectile dysfunction is like growing in the young in ages that never existed exactly I think it is because of porn because you gotta keep upping the ante you gotta keep elevating it to get more turned on again so yeah that's probably the porn of people of all ages I think that especially here from men that they're like I can't get off with my partner anymore so what you gotta do with that is just kind of like I'm not I'm never gonna tell you I'm not gonna say cold turkey though I would but I think that scares people I would say cold turkey would be amazing if you could do it but maybe you just like don't start with the porn and you can end with the porn or try it not every other time but I just think it's gonna be hard and have an orgasm right away you might not get as hard but like you can just like you rewired your brain you can deprogram that's how do you feel about like Tinder and these like readily accessible apps I feel like it's all fine I don't believe it's all about sex I think if you want to get laid and you want to go on Tinder to have sex that's what it can be for you'll find it but I don't think it's like you know I think it's a numbers game and I think for people who want to meet people and they want to meet a lot of people like it's I don't have a problem with it but I won't that's a lot of people meet on Tinder but I just think to think like I owe someone something because it took me to dinner or because I'm on Tinder I should sleep with someone I just I don't I just don't think it's true do you think because it's so easy though to hook up now do you think that actually could be having an effect on the conversational skills that we were talking about earlier communication well I think that what we're seeing the iGen I'd love to read that book it sounds fascinating there's so many things in their hands right that they were the ones that the iPads when they were born or whatever age kids sitting there holding the iPads I think that they definitely have less developed communication skills and intimacy and vulnerability and all those things that we would learn by hanging out with our friends and we were not distracted on our phones all the time actually a play date we'd sit in the room I pay with Barbies with my friends all day or with just texting everyone, like picking up the phone, like, what do you mean I have to call them? Like I remember having people work for me like five years ago in their early 20s, they're like, what, I have to pick a phone call? I'm like, it's okay, people, you know, so just imagine you can't make a phone call, you're certainly not really gonna be comfortable talking. So yes, I do think all of this, like we just need to take the phones away for a while. I try to put myself in the shoes of a 14, 15 year old with a phone, and I know what I would have done with a phone that can take and send pictures. And that's what scares me, because now you're getting kids who are sending pictures of themselves and doing video. Oh, so wrong. And then it's out there. It lives forever. And it lives forever. Forever. Because I would have for sure done that shit. If it was for sure, I would have been in a lot of trouble. I hope people listen to me. It never goes away. And let me tell you this, if you are gonna send a naked photo right now, I don't care what your age is, whoever gets it is going to turn to the person next to him and show him. Like I've been with so many guy friends who are like, check this out. Because I'm like, I don't, she didn't want me to see that, but that's going to happen. But if you're cool with that, and not just the person next to him, it could get out there, then you should do it. But otherwise, why send the pictures? Don't do it. Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. We were talking about porn earlier and this popped in my head. I read a study, I think it was done by Pornhub, which is one of the most visited porn websites online. And they were showing the porn habits of their users. What I find fascinating about that, by the way, is people can say one thing, but their porn habits, what they click on will show the truth, like when you're in a human moment. So someone might say, I'm not into that, but then you can see that there. The second most watched porn by women was gay men. Yes, that's been a trend for a while. Is it really? Yes, a lot of women like watching gay porn, gay men. And now the article said it was because it's the same reason why I like men like watching two women. It's two things you like. But then also, I guess the gay porn was shot differently. The men are better looking. It's not so much of the... It's not so much about the act as it is, like men, just like beautiful men, making out and being more... Yeah, I don't know. That's never been my thing, but I know it's so common. It's like that is one of the most common types of porn for women. And I think it is because, I don't know, maybe it's, yeah, it's two of the things that you like. There's no other, you're not comparing yourself to maybe a woman in it or two. You connect the woman out of the equation. And I just think it can be really hot. I think watching any sex act can be really hot if you take all your judgments away. Sure, do you think it's a good or a bad thing to feed into certain fetishes? Like if there's somebody who watches porn and you do have kind of a weird porn search like Sal, and do you think it's... Don't look at my history. Do you think it's... I mean, on Pornhub now, you could watch anything. Literally anything, right? Literally anything, and... That's legal. And so, sometimes I think like, do you think that's a healthy thing? Like for example, I was actually just on Pornhub the other day, and what pops up in front of me is like, you know, sleeping with my mom. You know, it's like... Oh, the stories. It's all inner family stuff. It's a big, great outfit. Yeah, that's weird. Yes, so, and I just... And I'm thinking to myself like, you know, if I was somebody who was into this, would this be a healthy thing for me to masturbate to it and watch it? What do you think about that? Cause I know that, I mean, obviously they're doing... They're getting... Like who's driving? Well, Stepmom, it's a step family, is the biggest thing. I was just talking to my boyfriend about this. He's like... Still probably not the best idea, right? Right, but it's still a little different. Cause I could... I think I've seen Stepmom and I've seen Mom would be like, yeah, but Steps sister, he was telling me, he's like, it's a whole genre now of just the step. Cause I guess there's less aggression towards women and porn now. It's what... My boy, this is just from my boyfriend telling me. It's his research, research. And that there's all the step stuff. I'm like, that's just, but why is it hot? I don't get it. And he's like, it's taboo. It's unknown. But even that, and then I'm worried that there's gonna be all these young kids who've Steps siblings who are like, maybe we should. Like... Well, that's where I'm at. That's where I'm going with this is I'm just curious. I just talked about this yesterday. I was like, oh God, I got like a scream. I don't remember where I was like, ah! Part of me feels like it's a conspiracy because then it's like, you know, you have all these searches in your search history and they're collecting these titles. You might also like that. Yeah, it's like you're just watching the video and then it turns onto that title and they're collecting the information. They for sure, I think they are. I think that's what I said to them, are you sure? No, I think you're right. But it's like Netflix. Like you might also like... This is probably why the back door bandits keeps coming up on yours every time. Yeah, every time. It's like the predictive watching schedule. The donkey thing. I don't know. The fetishist thing. I'm not sure what's who's running you. It leads me to this conversation that I wanted to have with you also, which is what we see happening with the sex dolls and AI. Yes. So what is your thoughts on that? Because now, I mean, these things are getting, I mean, and in our time, in our lifetime, they're gonna be fucking as real as real can come. Well, they have brothels already for them. Yeah, they do. So what are your thoughts on that? And are you pro, not? What do you tell me? I'm in the middle with sex robots because I feel like it can be great for people who are lonely. Like loneliness is an epidemic right now. You realize that everywhere. They just pointed like an administer of loneliness in the UK. Like the United States too, we're lonely, we're isolating. So for people who maybe are of disabilities and they can't have sex, so they can't have sex as they want to, people who want companions, women who actually want to go down on them or someone to go down on them for more than 15 minutes, they maybe could have programmed the robots to do a lot of oral. I think that they could have some good, some therapeutics, some healing purposes having a robot, but do I think that we might just abandon everything we know? Like, cool, I don't have to talk to someone, I'm taking them to dinner, I don't have to compliment them, and I can just have sex with a thing. I do think that that might be something that we're gonna have to do. That's what concerns me, especially when Doug was asking about ordering one, I was like, this is what I'm working about, is that, would you keep coming to work every day? You know, are you gonna be stuck in your room with this? You're still have to talk to us, Doug. I think like anything, it's gonna be, like any powerful tool, it can be used for function or dysfunction, right? Yes, like anything, right. Yeah, because I could foresee sex dolls being an easy way for couples to experiment with their fantasy. They could expel it through some, right, thank you. But it's safe, and we don't really wanna do that in real life, but this is kind of a way for us to play with our fantasy type of deal. But then I could also see this dysfunction where somebody's like, I don't wanna be with a human, I'm just gonna be with someone else. We've talked about this, we speculated on. What are they gonna go with them? Yeah, what we speculated on, what happens when, cause this is the first introduction to it, then the next crazy step is when they start making the dolls for fetishes and stuff, and what happens when they make child dolls and dolls. It's already been deserted, yeah. And then they introduce something like this, and what if we potentially see less of that happening on the streets, because now they're all doing it in there with their toys in the house. That's really, really upsetting then, you're right. I don't think we know, but it's very close to like that's happening in the next few years. I just want to encourage people to continue to connect self love, love your partner, like when you put the phone down, I feel like we, cause after a while you could get a robot and it feels like it's the same as your human and it's as a human and it's easier, but yeah, I think it's, people are already in the sex toy industry, it's like a billion dollar industry bigger than that, and with toys. I feel like there's also toys now, like some of the toys I gave you guys, like the pivot, the cock ring. You could use that, and oh, this one, this one is a, I mean it's very, Jive, you could use it with a remote, so your partner could wear this. She said you could be across the world doing this. Across the world, there's an app, that's the Wii Vibe, the Wii, what is this, this is the, the Jive? She could wear that inside of her. That's a, you could program that from across the country, across the room, using your phone, you could control it. You could control their pleasure. You could use their app called We Connect, like almost like it's like a FaceTime app, but you could see each other. So to me, that's been around now already for a few years, and that's pretty friggin' cool, but to have like a, like you just would never, I love the smell, the touch, the taste of like a human. I have that experience, so I just, I hope we just continue to realize the importance of real connection. At the end of the day, just like with anything, you have to, I mean, be psychologically sound with yourself, and have self love, and then however you express that's probably not gonna be dysfunctional, you know what I mean? Right, exactly. Otherwise it's gonna come out in dysfunctional, maybe harmful ways, to you and your partner. Yeah, I think it can be harmful, but yeah, just like everything's like masturbation, it's gonna be healthy until it's not. Until it's like all you're doing, and you can't get to work, because all you're doing is masturbating much more. Are you seeing more, because of the ease of access to porn, you're seeing more addiction to masturbation, addiction or issues with masturbation? Yeah, I think I'm seeing, there is more like sex addiction, if you believe in that, and there's controversy around even sex addiction, but I think anything that you're compulsively doing that you can't stop and there's consequences is an addiction. So for some people, like, do I have an addiction I masturbate twice a day? And it's like, okay, well, do you have a relationship? Are you going to work all day? Like, are you healthy otherwise? Yeah, everything's fine. There's no problem. But if you're masturbating, you're like, no, I actually, I do it like 10 times a day, I can't keep down a job, I can't keep down a relationship, then there is a problem. I think we are seeing more of this desensitization like we talked about and more people talking about just that they can't have sex without porn or they've learned too much about it. So yeah, I think there's more of that. If a woman has never had a G-spot orgasm, what are some steps she can take to trying to get that? That's a great question. Or is that a real thing? It's a real thing. No, it's a real thing. And I think it's more internal, like G-spot, cervical orgasm. I mean, there's a lot of different, just the internal part. I think for a lot of women, they are not, again, I just think it's clitoral. And the thing is, they're like, I can only have a clitoral orgasm and then I'm out. And the thing is like, first of all, it's all connected as well. So the clitoris is that little magic button, but there's also, you know, 8,000 nerve endings. You see the wishbone there, right? The clitoris, that there's actually clitoral legs that go deep, that go down inside behind the labia. And it's all that area, which is also very connected to the G-spot. So it helps to be really turned on, have a clitoral orgasm first, and either using fingers, your own ear partners, or a toy can be a great way to find it and be patient. And to just like, there's different, like, and if you go to website by website, sexwithelmy.com, we have tons of like, different blog posts and articles about blog posts and podcasts about how to find it. But my thing would be to, what really helped me was, relaxing into it, having specific masturbation sessions dedicated to that, to finding it, and to also doing my Kegel workout. Like I called you guys at my F1F Kegel camp to remember to do them because the stronger your PC muscles are, you're like, you're sending energy to that level, they're down to your pelvic floor, you're breathing into it, you're pumping it. And those are the muscles that contract when you orgasm. And so if they're stronger, meaning even you're just paying more attention to it and you're using them and controlling them, it will also help you have more G-spot orgasms. But for me, I learned with the toy and then I was able to bring that into a relationship with the penis. And you started blogging first, right? No, I didn't, I started podcasting first. Oh, you podcasted first? 2005. And then when did you start blogging? Soon after that, I mean, because they had to have a website that was all about the website. So I'd start posting, yeah, blogs. Now, do you recall some of the ones that were the most viral or that have helped the people out the most? Like, do you have an area where you can find them on the website? Oh, God. They're all really, I mean, God, there's so many. Like, I guess like, what's the most viral now? We post stuff every single day. I have an amazing team. I'm not doing as much the blogging, but Jane, my producer, we have writers. Yeah, just be, yeah, what's like trending or what's been on? I'm telling you what's trending on Sex with Emily right now. There's an article on squirting. Squirting. Oh, great. That's a great topic right there in the cell. Yeah, squirting. I mean, we not cover that. Six most common sex issues. Six most common sex issues. The art of seduction. But we have, I mean, thousands of, thousands of podcasts, 13 years, but it's really everything. But I would say that would make sense. People, seduction, what was the other one you said? Six, six common. Oh, mistakes, because people just want to know am I normal? Is this okay? What are some of those? I would say the six most common things is people don't communicate about sex. They don't keep up with their healthy masturbation routine outside of the relationship. Was it the six most challenged around sex or around relationships? So back that up, are they? So you actually, They don't use loom, they don't use toys. You encourage masturbation by yourself too. Yes. Okay. Let me tell you something. That's good, because my girl gets mad at me every time I do it. She does? Yeah, she's. Oh my God, I'm so glad we're talking about this. Yeah, that's good. Now I know a book to give you. Oh, good. Yeah, see, you asked me. See, honey, I'm allowed to masturbate by myself. Let me tell you, I think that I hear this more from women than men or men complaining about their girlfriends or like my girlfriend, I have to hide it from her. Because I think that women, and I thought this with the mirror guy when I was 25, he also watched a lot of porn. I remember feeling so confused that it was the best sex of my life. And it was amazing. Why would he still watch porn without me? I was like, does he want me to look like the blonde with the big boobs? Cause I'm short and Burnett and don't have big boobs. It was so confusing why he would still need that. But what I've come to find out and come to learn and what I will tell you and your girlfriend is that self-love and masturbation is healthy whether you're in a relationship or out of a relationship. It's a release, it's a stress reliever. It's just guys have to do it. Women have to do it. I often have to convince women and remind them to do it. It's kind of like working out the more they do it, they're more gonna want to it. And like guys know it's okay. And then let her know that it's part of you having a healthy, you know, being connected to your body. I think for, and I think where it comes from for her is that because like I said, she wants to have it seven days a week. So if she finds out that I'm masturbating and I'm not giving her sex that much. That I understand. So. Well, I don't understand. See her face changed right there, she's like, whoa, wait a second. Now I understand where she's coming from. But I want to know what this insatiable, what if she masturbated? I'm pro that. No, but of course, but maybe like to put all that on you when you're running a company, you got a big job, you're super busy to make you feel bad about that and to guilt you into it. That doesn't make me feel great. And for her to kind of take care of herself like why does she need you for that? It might be great for her to explore. I don't know what she's into, but maybe she could like on her own I'm going to have a G spot, multi, whatever. I'm going to learn to play with my, I'm going to get a butt plug and play to see how it feels to stimulate my butt. I think that, you know, I'm going to watch erotica and get really aroused and turned on. And I'm going to show you, tell you about the sexy thing I did when we're having sex. Like I think there's some stuff she could do on her own. And then it might not just be about the sex with you. It's something about connection and feeling needed and desired by you. And she might have some abandonment issues that if you're having sex, you might leave. I mean, in a way that's not even tangible to her. But I think, you know, that's a lot of pressure. You guys, it's compromise. These couples have to compromise. We do a pretty good job with that. You seemed like to help like literally. I love you guys as a couple. So I'm not putting her down. Everything you've said is super helpful. No, and I like, and I like the reason why I share it is cause I know a lot of couples probably have some more things they go through. And this is stuff that we communicate. And that was something that, you know, she communicated to me and I understand because if she's asking for sex seven days a week and I can only give it two or three because I just masturbated maybe four hours before she got home and now I'm not in the mood for it. So I could totally understand. Yeah, I understand that too. But you have every right to masturbate. Like that's not like it's one or the other cause she can ever, you guys could also, I don't know, you could go down on her. She could masturbate in front of you. You could kiss her while she uses her toy. Like, you know what I mean? There's ways to do it where you don't have to move off. Yeah, that's a good point. This is a different way of, that happens sometimes. Like, I mean, I've done that where I'm like, no, I'm just gonna get off. He's like, great, I just masturbate or I'm tired or we just went and I didn't have an orgasm. It's like, it's hot to me if he's just there and we're making out and I don't really need anything else. Like just the fact that he's here. So for her, there might be other ways she could look at having pleasure. Have you done that? Have you offered like, oh, I'll just go down. I do. That's exactly what I do. No, absolutely. It's for me, it's a simple fix is that it's just being, it's being aware that she has a very high sex drive, you know, and that I don't have as high of a sex drive as she does, but yet there's still times where I'm gonna masturbate. And if I do do that and she comes home and she's in a very sexual mood, I'm not gonna selfishly not give her sex or do anything with her physically because I did something earlier. Yeah, you can make out, you can go to the bedroom, you can have a sex, there is a compromise. There it is right there. Excellent. God, every time we're with you. This is so fun. I know, I love being with you guys, really. This is always great. You can't wait to have it up for our studio. I wanna come up there. Thank you for these gifts. Love's in the Bay Area. Yeah, let's go. We have to put them back. This right here is exciting. I wanna meet your boyfriend too. You gotta bring him up there. He's amazing. He's great. He's a comedian, he's so fun. Yeah, you would love him. Oh, he's a comedian. Yeah, he would crack you up. I mean, thank God he's funny. Cause what if he's a comedian and he wasn't? Now are you turned down or turned down? Turned on by humor more than? More than. Normal, than a normal person. Yeah, I love humor. I do, I mean, but I think every woman's like, oh, I wanted a funny. That's a big one for women. Yeah, he just, he cracks me up and he's kind and he's thoughtful and he's funny as hell. Yeah, no, we just, we laugh and we don't take it anything too seriously and he's very, obviously very open to what I'm doing here and he's down so. You gotta be a confident person if you're gonna be with a sexual. Exactly. That's a good thing, that's a good thing. Yeah, there's no jealousy with us. He's like, do you have your life, you know? Yeah. Cause I could see being a challenge, especially for a woman to be open sexually and to talk about certain things cause a man might feel insecure. Yeah, oh for sure. And I've been with those guys, not very long, but I've met them. And those guys probably wouldn't even ask me out now. Like if you Google me and you're like, oh, no, it's not my jam. But a guy's with me, you gotta be really confident. Now you guys are eight months in right now. Okay, so by now probably had at least one, maybe two disagreements or don't like how you live or do something like that. If there is anything that. That's a great question. What do we fight about? Yes. I mean, we don't really fight that much. Mostly it's been about, I'd say that he gets frustrated with me because I have a lot of anxiety and I work a lot and I'm not great with I guess it's more about me being like, I have so much to do and I don't have time to do it. Which is kind of always been like, I was in college like that. Like I was at work, I've always been like it. Overachiever. Overachiever. So I think it's when I were together finally, I'm like, but I have to do all these things. And it's just, and most of the time it's not, it's just this general craziness. So I think when I don't make enough time for us, I think it's the challenge. So do you have certain things that you, I mean, I brought up earlier about, I figured out or I hacked into this that, hey, if I'm working like crazy, I'm having a hard time connecting, we're not having enough sex, take me away. And that's like her go-to mode. Have you figured out? We're going to Greece. So we'll see how that goes. We're gonna go to Greece for two weeks. I think that for me, I'm also much more, like I realize that there's certain stuff that I just don't have to share with them. Like I don't, and when it comes over now, I realized like I just have to, like his love language is quality time. So when I'm, he comes over and I'm still working, like I can't do that. Like I just try to like, when we're together, we are together and I'm putting work away. But it's not like we fought about it a lot. There's been, it's been a really busy. If you see my type of person where if he were to call you out, you'd be like, oh, I love it. I'm like, oh, I hear it. He's so, the thing is, he's almost, I've learned so much from him in the way he calls me out. I'll be like, did you really want to say it that way or baby? Like I hear, he calms, he's so good at calming me down. Like I'll just, now I just get anxious and then like a second, he's tall, like put his arms around me. And I'm like, I just kind of, he relaxes me in that way. And he's also really good at, he's never, we don't attack each other. He's not judgmental in that way. Like he's just very much like, is that the way that you think you want to say it? Or maybe there's another thing happening. Like he just, I don't know. He's really, we're good for each other. And what do I get to do with that? Probably when he drinks too much. He doesn't, he probably shouldn't drink that much. But he doesn't that much when he dies. I'm like, not your best self. I gotta say, smoke pot, do other things. But the drinking, like not your damn. But really, otherwise we really like, and there's been times in this relationship where I've been like, no, it won't work. And then we get past it in a really healthy way. So it just keeps getting better. We communicate really well. That's excellent. Well, thanks for coming on the show. Oh my God, I love it. You're always a good time. And you gotta come up and visit. We should be like frequent fire guests on each other's ships. Yes, for sure. I will come visit. Thank you for listening to Mind Pump. If your goal is to build and shape your body, dramatically improve your health and energy, and maximize your overall performance, check out our discounted RGB Superbundle at mindpumpmedia.com. The RGB Superbundle includes Maps Anabolic, Maps Performance, and Maps Aesthetic. 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