 The following is a short video clip from my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. If you're interested in joining, check out the link below to my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery and take it away, Jonathan. Well, hello, Midlife Love Mastery members. I'm your host, Jonathan, and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. It's a morning cup of Jonathan and we have my, then my favorite, that's all mug. Don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. And let me just fix this really quickly. And our topic today has technology affected the dating process, technology. Yes, smart phones in particular. So one of our members wrote a comment last week believing that technology hasn't affected the dating process. And I didn't write a rebuttal response because this is my rebuttal response. And that is absolutely has it affected the dating process. Now let's think of some of the good things technology brings to the table. Couple things is you actually have access to people you wouldn't otherwise have met in your daily life. I mean, the fact is online dating and even the swipe apps have created an opportunity to connect with people that you wouldn't otherwise meet. And quite frankly, as we age, we're not surrounded by single eligible people in the same context that we were as maybe in our teens or our twenties for those of us who went to high school. I don't think there was anyone married. And we went to college. I don't think anyone was married, but as we age, there are the pool changes because people are in relationship and married. So the challenge, so what online dating does is give you access. It's just simply a tool to give you access. Number two, one of the benefits of technology is you can communicate a little bit easier than the past. I remember I used to have to leave a recording on the phone if someone didn't answer their phone. I mean, it was like you could have been gone for hours upon hours at a time, not home answering your phone. So now we have a little bit easier access to connect with people. Certainly when you're dating, if you're running late, you can send a text message. If you don't know the direct, maybe you're lost and the person goes, oh, simple text message back or forth or you can jump on your phone. So that's how technology has benefited. Here's where some of the challenges with technology and I have a personal share because of technology. I had a real faux pas happen this weekend. So one of the things is these dating swipe apps have algorithms to focus on the type of person you're looking for and we'll start sending you more of that. I know, I happened to a couple months back, I just happened to see a beautiful Asian woman. So I swiped on her and all of a sudden another beautiful Asian woman swiped and then all of a sudden, all of my feed was Asian women. I'm not suggesting there's anything, it was just, it was interesting. I was noticing, I was interesting. Why all of a sudden was this popping up because the algorithm will start sending you what you're looking at and not necessarily per se what you truly desire. I'm just giving you one example. In addition, the algorithms are designed to keep you away from the people that you should be meeting because they wanna keep you on the app much longer. This has actually been shared publicly. I'm not making this up, I'm hearing what it's been shared. I've noticed my profile, if I pay extra to get a boost, I get more views, this is on match.com. So that's another disadvantage of technology and how that's affected the dating process. I think also communication through our devices is so different than in the past because nowadays we're having complete conversations via text messaging and it's missing all the nuances that we would have when we have face-to-face interaction. So that's another thing. But I wanna share what happened this weekend because it's quite embarrassing on my part and there's a reason for it. So bear with me for a moment. A woman reached out to me on a dating app. I wanna say it was Monday. By the time I saw it, it was Tuesday or Wednesday. We jumped on the phone. I think it was on Thursday. We had a really good chat in the morning. We had another chat the next day. I think we texted each other a few times and we planned a date for Sunday. So on Saturday, we spoke in the morning, we planned the date and then we just sent a really cute message. Hey, I'm really looking forward to meeting you. And I didn't hear any response. And then I set the directions of where we were supposed to meet and I didn't hear a response. And all of a sudden, a couple hours go by, a few more hours go by, all of a sudden, I'm starting to feel like I got ghosted. Now, you have to recognize that I literally got, I've been ghosted three times in the last few months. So all of a sudden I was sensitive to this. And I take ownership of this. This is my own insecurity, but you can understand where it came from. And all of a sudden, I was like thinking, and I woke up the next morning and I didn't hear from her. I'm like, she's blowing me off. So, and now the messages I sent weren't technically needed a response back. I just thought out of common courtesy she would have responded back. So I wrote her a message about in two hours before we were gonna meet for the date. I said, it just, it seems like you've changed your mind or maybe something happened to you. And if you did, I hope you're okay. And if you change your mind, that's okay. But I went ahead and made other plans because I didn't hear from you. I was at eight in the morning and we were supposed to meet at 10 but it needed about an hour drive. And at nine o'clock I get this call. So like, what's going on? And I was so amped up with the belief that I'd been ghosted, that I was being a bit defensive on the phone. And she was in her defensive mode. And I said, well, I sent you a couple of messages and you didn't respond. And she goes, I don't see any messages. And then she refreshes her phone and the messages pop up. I don't know if that's true or not. But, and then all of a sudden I felt incredibly embarrassed and there was this tension between us because she was angry at me and I was feeling disconnect. And this is all because of technology that probably wouldn't have happened if we didn't have these devices. If we didn't have these devices it may not have this miscommunication might not happen. And she kind of hung up on me. So I wrote an apology message because I do take ownership. I overreacted. I'm part of my reason. And by the way, I had told her I was ghosted just recently. And she, cause I apologize for not seeing the messages. She didn't really apologize. She just said that was her reasoning and that's okay. And then a couple of hours later, oh, and then she said, you know what assumptions are they make an ass out of you and me. So I take ownership. I wrote a much longer sincere apology later because I really take ownership in my part. I felt very, and I overreacted. And part of it is because of technology this is, it's creating a lot of anxiety. I mean, the news is creating anxiety which just comes through technology and just even out in the world the last two years there's been pent up anxiety. Mass, no mass, vaccines, no maxing. I mean, it's just a lot of tense, you know, tension. And we've received it all through technology. So I'm here to say, technology has affected the way we date. My reaction was a reflection of that. I take ownership and I have asked myself, why did this happen? Well, maybe there's a couple of benefits. I noticed she changed her dating profile picture because I told her her first picture wasn't a good one. Maybe that was the benefit. Maybe she'll think twice to check her phone. That might be the benefit. Maybe I needed to have this experience so I could share this with my group. Maybe that was the benefit because we can all look at why things are attracted in our lives and I'm always looking for the lesson. But sometimes just shit happens too. So it's naive to think that technology hasn't affected the way we date may relate substantially, especially in the form of communication and certainly miscommunication. And this isn't the first time I've had miscommunication. I'm just sharing with you. I'm saddened on a couple of different levels. I'm saddened that this happened. I'm saddened at myself. And it reminds me maybe that the technology has affected even my own perspective on all of this as dating mating relating. Maybe it's time to take a break from these dating apps. Just chill for a while and allow the universe to allow it to happen the way it should happen, whatever that means. I don't know, I'm rambling here. This is a much longer video than normal so I appreciate you allowing me to share. I wanted to get this off my chest because I am feeling rather embarrassed and I took ownership. I mean, for me, that's the most important thing, to be in a level of integrity with myself. And yet I did overreact. I'm human. I'm here to say, folks, when I talk on my channel, I spit, particularly my YouTube channel and a lot of women put me up on a pedestal even here in the group, I'm gonna say I'm flawed. I mean, I'm not a dating expert. I'm just here sharing the experiences I've observed and hopefully guiding people to greater success. I mean, the last two weeks I've had four success stories. I'm so excited for my clientele. So I know I'm making a difference. Yet my own life, this journey is, by the way, you know what? It's like someone else is writing my life and there's always a new plot twist. So I'm grateful for all the unique experiences happening for me. Anyways, I'm rambling. You get the point. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. I'd like to get a discussion as technology affected the way you date. Let's talk about this and post it below. As always, if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery. Send them to my website, jonathanasley.com. Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big check on a Jonathan Barrow Hug and I really need one today. And I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. And I'll ask you to turn to a friend, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, and give it or them a hug of love. Guess hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.