 So he doesn't complain in the relationship and this person wants to know if she is a nag and She wants to know why it feels like they're drifting apart more and more and her complaints Fallen deaf ears. It seems like to her. So I'm gonna be quick with this There is a big problem in a lot of relationships where one person never complains for whatever reason I Have noticed that it tends to be the man in a lot of cases that don't complain Why is this and how can we solve it? Well, it is a big problem because There is a real problem if you see conflict in a relationship as a problem Conflict is not a problem in a relationship. There is always always always supposed to be conflict in a relationship It is a very healthy thing because what are you trying to do in a relationship? You're trying to meet each other's needs You're going to do a good job sometimes But sometimes you won't do a good job. So you need feedback constantly and it has to be in both directions so one of the things you can do is to learn what each other's needs are and That involves a lot of conversation a lot of talking So when one person isn't complaining there is an issue. It's an issue Why is it so well some of us learn early in life that dependent maybe if we didn't have a good childhood We have an insecure attachment style something like that that our needs are not important to other people or If we express a need that it will be a waste of time It won't be met anyway So we learn quite quickly in life that there's no point complaining about things just make the best of it be very independent and Take care of yourself Interdependence is not something for you. That's what we learn So we need to start complaining more and more and more. Okay, it's not it's the complete opposite of that And if it is a case where you're in a relationship with you where you're the one that's complaining and you're frustrated that the other person Never seems to have a genuine Complaint it's totally understandable. Okay So you can start to find out what his needs are or what his needs might be and Ask that person for feedback on how you're doing in meeting those needs for them Because if you're open and you can take that step Then they will be far more open to learning about your needs and what they're doing Not maybe not very well or what they could do better that would help meet your needs So really in that kind of conversation, there's going to be a lot of feedback and there's going to be a lot of complaining Okay, but in a healthy way, there should always be complaining going on. Why does it happen? I talked about that thing of insecure attachment stuff over younger. We learned that Complaining falls on deaf ears But there's also this thing of like stoicism Especially in men actually it's like this thing of stoicism is I only focus on the things in life that I can control And for a lot of things that's really good, but in relationships You can misinterpret the meaning of stoicism Stoicism is okay I focus on what I can control but in a relationship you have complete control over how much you complain and how much you communicate So if you're not complaining and communicating you're not practicing stoicism. You're probably practicing Denial, okay, maybe even repression and we don't want those things We want to be totally honest about what our needs are and start to complain Start to complain more and more like if you can't think of the last time you complained in the relationship, there's a problem So well, I won't say there's a problem. I'll say there's an opportunity for growth there and because there is there's a massive one Most of the conversations in relationships really should be about Complaints, you know, it should be about how can we meet each other's needs in a better way So again, invite your partner if you feel that they never complain try and find out what their needs might be And there are lots of resources online. There's usually about 10 needs a person has five of them will be particularly important In a relationship that is emotional needs You can find out what those are they will be different to yours most likely some of them will be the same They might prioritize them differently So find out what those needs are and encourage your partner to complain because that will make them open to hearing your feedback your complaints a lot more readily than Geo springing complaints and being frustrated with their lack of input So I hope that helps if you'd like to learn more about this you can contact me in my website. That's dr. David Maloney calm I'm a licensed therapist and psychologist and I work with individuals and couples as well Thanks for watching the video. Hope you enjoyed it. Hope it was helpful You can like this video. It helps me a lot subscribe for more of these videos and I will talk to you again soon Bye