 Aloha everyone. Thank you for joining me on Think Tech Hawaii. I am Shonda Park, your host for Money Talks. July is recognized as Buried Parents Awareness Month, and this month is dedicated to raising awareness for the support that is necessary when a parent endures the loss of a child. My guest today is Gabby Covea. She is a registered nurse with the resource team at Straub Medical Center. She is a grief recovery specialist, and she is the executive director and co-founder of LetGreaseIn. LetGreaseIn is a nonprofit organization established in 2017 after Gabby lost her five-year-old son Grayson in 2016. LetGreaseIn provides support to families after the loss of a child by providing services such as monthly therapeutic events, the grief support method educational classes, and hope retreats. I was introduced to Gabby by Halona Brooks shortly after my daughter's memorial service on Hulumua Farms January 10th of last year, and Gabby was looking for a retreat center and reached out to Hulumua Farms. I am grateful that I connected with her, her family, and her team of LetGreaseIn early on in my grief. Because of the services that they provide, I was able to receive love, receive support, and receive true understanding, which has been a blessing. Gabby, welcome, and thank you for being on the show today. Hi, thanks, Shawn. That's really my pleasure. Thank you. So let's start off by just talking about your story, your family, and the creation of LetGreaseIn. Okay, yeah. So my husband, Ka'el, and I had our first son, Grayson, in 2010. And he was a vibrant, healthy child, loved Legos and Star Wars and things with his friends. And shortly after his fifth birthday, we noticed unusual vomiting. It's worthwhile to say that I'm a nurse right by background. So I understood that this wasn't just a normal virus, that something was wrong. And he started having trouble holding his slipper on his left foot, which indicated for me some left sided weakness. And so eventually we found out that Grayson had a brain tumor, which turned out to be a diagnosis of a very aggressive brain cancer called glioblastoma. And there was no treatment at the time. And we were on an experimental protocol. He battled bravely nine months. No parent ever, ever, ever expects that this is going to be your story. And it was the hardest thing for us at that time. We just, it felt like our whole world had just imploded. And Grayson actually was a brave leader, always focusing on love. And we were all really focused on just spending that time in being with one another. So Grayson died in 2016 in our home on hospice. And she's been actually my greatest teacher in life. I'm so grateful to have him. We have two other daughters. They're now nine and five, Olivia and Charlotte. And we all are trying to love on in Grayson's honor. So how did you start and create this foundation? Let Grayson? Well, becoming a brief parent, you know, we were desperate to know other families. We were desperate to figure out how could we possibly survive when the pain was so unbearable, it felt like it would just kill us and take us out. It's definitely something that affects every single part of your life, all of your relationships, your work, your your daily living, your functioning. Just being able to to move through life is extremely difficult. And it actually wasn't something that I was, you know, woke up and was excited to do one day was something sort of that called to me over time, realizing how difficult it was to try to pair together services and find, you know, very specific loss experiences like ours. There was limited, very limited resources. So we decided to try everything in our own brief walk, which sort of led to a calling that I was very resistant to because grief is so big and overwhelming and can be so painful and so ugly that I was like, you know, I really I don't want to do this, but I felt like a calling to the work. And as I started to trust that maybe this is what I was meant to do, I was supported, I felt by community and friends and heaven and our angels and what we needed was provided. And so it's kind of just been part of our journey and part of our own healing process to bring all of the resources that we've discovered and to partner with people in the community who want to bring healing and restoration to others together for our families. What a beautiful service that you provide. And one of the services is the monthly therapeutic events. So will you share a little bit more about that? Yeah, sure. So community is so important. I felt like community was such a big part of the healing process and knowing one another and sharing stories because it really normalizes what you're going through. You don't realize that there's so many other people sharing such a similar experience. The things that people say to you or how to deal or, you know, when someone asks you how many children you have, how difficult and how triggering that question can be. So every month we have a group. We eat together and we share. And there's an opportunity for community to build friendships and to be in a safe space to share your story, to remember your child, talk to other parents who do understand because they're on a similar journey. And so in addition to just sharing and group, we offer some sort of therapeutic activity and it varies and they're holistic. So they may be more for the physical body one month. They're usually all for the spirit. But there's emotional, all kinds of different things that we do hiking. We did an ocean clinic this past weekend where saltwater healing, getting in the water, community, even sharing a meal as therapeutic. We have horses coming up and we do basket weaving, mandalas. So there's just all different kinds of things that we engage our families in. And it's also an opportunity to see each other once a month or come together, you know, to just continue those friendships and bonds. I know that's a wonderful support for all the families that you provide your services for, that they have something on a monthly basis and to be able to have that connection with other families. And I know that you did a day retreat at Holomore Farms. You want to share about that? Yeah, sure. So during COVID, everything changed and in-person events were very difficult. So we had to shift, but we never stopped doing services. So this was actually right before the Delta variant came out and we did in all of the, similar to our hope retreat, retreat at Holomore Farms, it was all outdoors. So it was in a safer environment where we were able to, you know, unmask, walk, be in nature. It started with a memorial walk where we all witnessed our children on those beautiful, those signs, pictures, and we have different professionals that work within that basin. So our La'Aulapa'au Kumukodi specialist, he was the one who came and discussed and taught and we did group nature mandalas and had child life bereavement for our children, engaging in activities that day, and of course, lunch and community and togetherness. And really, when you're in nature, it's such a great opportunity to just soak up the sun and sort of reset and allow, you know, that healing and restoration to happen naturally. Hawaii is such a beautiful place and there was so much love and good energy there that day. Yes, I was a part of it and I'm so grateful that I was. And just to be able to even volunteer and give back, it's therapeutic, like you said, and being around the other families. Actually, my first event with you was on Mother's Day. And I didn't know how I was going to get through this day, you know, my first Mother's Day without Azalea. And to be able to shortly after that, participate in that day retreat with a whole more farms is very healing. And so again, I just feel so blessed to have met you early on and to be on this journey with you. Can you share about the retreat that you had at Mokale'ia this past December and the retreat that you're going to be having this year? Yeah, so we also do extended time together. So here we have our 2019 retreat in Waimanalo and then last year's retreat in December at Mokale'ia. All of our families come together and do more of our therapeutic events in over an extended period of time. And it really is like no other place in the world, you know, you really step away from the busyness of life and the distraction of the everyday and being, you know, at work and come into an environment where you're with other families. And just like I did, you exhale, I think, and are able to commit to doing that grief work in whatever way suits you. So it's so individual. And everybody's grief is different. And everybody is at different point in their grief. And there's opportunity to share and to engage in the therapeutic activities to have group where we all discuss. We do meditation twice a day. And each retreat is unique, themed differently, and just led actually by spirit, whatever our team feels calls to do or feels is something that we really feel like would be a wonderful therapeutic opportunity for our families we do. And our retreat coming up in October this year will be Oslet Mokale'ia. So they have a lodge there. It's 18 bedrooms. So we're able to rent the whole lodge, invite volunteers. We do campfire and fan crabbing. This year, our theme is on movement. So we have yoga instruction coming in. We're talking about how grief lives in our body, how we move big energy activities. Pana alipay from CrossFit White Pio will be there to help us with the energy movement and activity. And activity and movement helps in so many different ways. And sometimes when we can't express with words, body and movement can be a way that we process and move grief through our body and have an opportunity also to try out things maybe we haven't done before or we forgot that we love and see what feels good to kind of move it forward into our everyday life, so that we can cope and build our grief, recovery muscles around, you know, this bigger, around our grief, so that we can hold it differently. Thank you for sharing that. I was a part of your retreat in December. And I remember struggling with the decision of whether or not I was going to RSVP because my daughter's one year was on December 21. And your retreat was on December 17 to the 20th. And I made the best decision in RSVPing because that your retreat that you put on was so well organized, and so helpful for all of the families, including mine, I was with my two other children and my life partner. And it really helped to heal and prepare myself for the very next day, which is December 21, Azalea's one year. So I hope so much. I don't know my schedule. I hope so much that I will be able to attend your retreat again this year in October. And you know, the next thing that I wanted to talk about is your website. I watched your video on the Let Grace in website, and you said you received overwhelming support from the community, from family, from friends and even complete strangers. And it touched you deeply how people came together to get you through. And you also said that it truly was one of the only ways to help you forget about the financial stresses and worries, and just be present with Grayson. So can you elaborate on the financial stresses and worries? Yeah, so Grayson had cancer. And like I mentioned, his type of brain cancer didn't have a standard of care meaning there wasn't a protocol, something that a hospital knew to do that actually helped. So this was extremely difficult. And so from the very beginning, our doctors explained to us that we would be doing the best that we could. But truthfully, the quality of life he had in the time that we were moving forward was what they really wanted us to focus on and be with him. It's extremely difficult to be in that position. But we could only move forward with the biggest hope for his care. And so we got an experimental protocol. And he was on lots of different chemotherapy. And because he was on a regimen that was still an experimental phase that hasn't really moved into a fully approved protocol, the insurance company wouldn't pay for the chemotherapy that he was on. It was very complicated. Grayson's tumor was very aggressive. So when we came in and got diagnosed and had an MRI just three days later, when they were preparing for surgery, they couldn't wait and do a biopsy first, the tumor was already bigger, which is like, incredibly aggressive. So literally every day, every hour, really made a difference. And we needed to start treatment right away. So one of the chemotherapies we were on cost $6,000 a month. And we needed to start immediately. And the insurance company, I think it was a problem with it being an experimental drug, they didn't feel like it. And we didn't have access to a physician for our physician to speak to a physician to physician. So we were in a situation where our treatment was being delayed and we couldn't wait. And, you know, $6,000 a month, it was something that we absolutely couldn't afford. And I stopped working immediately. I couldn't, you know, go to the hospital and take care of other people. And my son was five. He needed me. He needed me to help me with his medication. He needed me to help with with his vomiting, his symptoms, his pain, his surgery for him, his emotional support. And so I wasn't working. At some point, my benefit ran out because I didn't have any more stick leave. I didn't have any more vacation time. And so also my insurance expired. So we were and insurance also wasn't covering everything. So there was a lot. I think that people don't always understand how complicated it is even to go through the bills and making sure that all of them are correct and that they're being billed properly. And just the idea of it being so overwhelming and not knowing, you know, what's going to happen to your son and on top of it, like not being able to work and then not being able to imagine how you're going to pay for everything that your son needs to survive is extremely overwhelming. How did you receive financial support and from where? So our physician actually had funding through a former patient of his. And through his very generous donations, there was an allotment of money that helped Grayson get his chemotherapy for the first couple of weeks until we could work something out with the drug company, a compassionate med program. And did you mention that there was also a daily medication that he had? Yeah, that was that was a massive it was a daily oral chemotherapy that he was on. But he was on several chemotherapies, IV meeting to be admitted to the hospital. He was inpatient, he was outpatient a lot. So there was constant therapy and appointment and constant medications, day, night, middle of the night, for all different things for his treatment. And there was also a GoFundMe that was set up to help as well? Yeah, yeah. So one of our dear friends set up a GoFundMe account. And, you know, at that time, you're just in a blur in a days, there's just so much, it's so overwhelming, like you can't even think about anything else. And the overwhelming generosity of friends and family, and people that we knew in high school, or as kids had come through and donated, and Kaew and I would just look at the list and cry. Because, you know, we really needed help. And we didn't know what we were going to do. And you just are just overwhelmed by gratitude and love when people reach out and help. I come together in that way. It's so beautiful. And it's really like unconditional love. People didn't, you know, expect us to repay them. They really, from their heart, in the most sincere way, wanted to love on our family. And we carry that with us still. And I think that it's a big motivation for us in the way that we really want to help others and love on others who are trying to make their way through a very dark day. We've been there, and we have the deepest compassion for that. And so it does inspire us all the time, all the love that we received. You are your family, you and your family are so beautiful. And the way that you give back and provide for, you know, new families that you come across to be able to provide the support. And I just want to thank you for that. You know, everything that you receive now, you're giving back, you're giving back to the families, including me and my family. So I want to thank you, Gabby. I wanted to ask you another question. You know, you mentioned about Nakamakai yesterday. So I was able to see you at Hollywood Beach Park for your monthly therapeutic event. And you handed me this beautiful book. It's called My Journey with the Wind, A Magical Story of Grief. So what can you share about this? Yeah, so this year, we're so honored and grateful to publish a children's book about a grieving sibling. And so it, it's a children's book about a child who has lost their brother, and the journey through the tsunami waves of grief and the calming shore and experience through nature and the difficulty of kind of moving through. And so it's an introduction to emotion and a conversation opener for caregivers and families. And also includes a therapeutic section at the end where there's activities that at your own timing, you can move through suggestions of, you know, the treasure box of memories or a simple meditation for calming or thinking about, we talked about anniversaries and birthdays and events that come up and how can we potentially think about them and what we'll do and how we can prepare. And it's, it's, it's something that was a collaborative effort with our team. Ashley Wolf is a Child Life Improvement Specialist and our licensed therapist, Jessica Ando, who's also art therapist, the co-authored the book. And the three of us kind of came together with my experience as a bridge parent and their professional experience working with children in hospitals and the hospitals and in difficult situations to bring to life a resource for the community to hopefully bring some healing and restoration. And the cool thing also about the book is that everything goes back to recreation. So any sales, any profits from the book all go back to our bereaved families. And so it's available on Amazon for any family who's in need or a parent who wants to have a discussion about grief. There's so many things that are happening in our world today that are causing our children grief. There's so many hard things that they're going through, even as a conversation opener about what loss and pain is like, which is a completely normal and natural thing that every human goes through. Yet we don't talk about those things. This is an opportunity for anyone, any caregiver, any parent, any teacher, anyone in the community helping children with pain and loss to engage in conversation and activities. And just to have an opportunity to acknowledge how we all experience pain and grief in our own unique and individual ways. I had the opportunity to read the book, Sitting at the Beach. And it's such a wonderful book. Even though it's meant to be a children's book, it really helped me. And I just, I look forward to sharing it with everyone. Because like you said, it's useful to anyone. It's very beautifully done. It's a wonderful book. And thank you for gifting that to me yesterday. I'm going to share it with everyone that I come across. But Gabby, I want to thank you for being on again today. It's not an easy topic. So I want to thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story with the world. Thank you so much for this opportunity. Appreciate you and all you're doing to make a difference in our community as well. Thanks, Shanda. I appreciate you too, Gabby, and your family and let Grace in. So thank you again. And I'll see everyone on the next Think Tech Hawaii show. Thank you. Thank you so much for watching Think Tech Hawaii. If you like what we do, please like us and click the subscribe button on YouTube and the follow button on Vimeo. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn, and donate to us at thinktechhawaii.com. Mahalo.