 Hi, welcome to today's show. Great to have you here with me. I thought I'd talk to you today a little bit about 10 signs I'm going to give you of a narcissist That word still is a word that we use more than we understand, I think NPD narcissistic personality disorder is an all-time high particularly in our narcissistic individualistic egocentric Western civilization So when I give you these 10 signs characteristics of a narcissist, you'll be able to perhaps Have a more finely tuned radar to the presence of these people in your world or The presence of some of these characteristics perhaps in yourself from time to time either way I hope this is helpful to you guys. So number one narcissists are self-obsessed Self-promoting and self-absorbed whilst pretending to be interested in you That's that's what's interesting with narcissists, they have this duality of the way that they present themselves But the over the overwhelming characteristic and leaning of course is towards Continual self-obsession self-promoting self absorption always talking about themselves Always finishing up somehow making a conversation about themselves, even though it didn't start out that way Always interjecting themselves into someone else's conversation someone else's story I'm bringing it back towards themselves and they do this whilst pretending to listen to whatever you're talking about or someone else Is talking about but really they're listening for how they can find an in To promote and draw attention to themselves This is a consist all of these are consistent. I think I've tried to pick ones that are Consistent so that they are very evident and obvious when you look for them So these things are not infrequent. They're not occasional signs. These are these are go-to reliable Signs of Anacesis, so that's the first one. Secondly, they brainwash you To believe that you need them in your life Because their life is of course far superior to yours So, you know what they know and what they have and How much money they have? Their lifestyle Their homes Anything that they can do To convince you that their life is really the life you would want But you can't afford it or whatever it is. They project on you as to why you don't have that calibre of life They have It is a process not just not just conversational things. It's a brainwashing process of of kind of wearing you down into this place of envying their life Because they want you to believe and they get a kick out of thinking that you think That that their life is superior to yours And so they play on that and play on that all the time in Multiple ways that you will maybe have a radar for more after this than you did before in Multiple ways they're constantly going on about who they know and what they've achieved and what they have and where they've been And what group they're in with and And how much people look to them and so on and so on it's this constant brainwashing To make you feel that your life really is inferior Unless it's connected to their life That somehow that somehow they're lending you vicariously Their limelight so that you can feel a little bit better while you're around them because you don't have that kind of light in your life As I read these it is they wow this is so sick As I read these to you and as I talked to you about these That's number two get in no better with three number three they manipulate you into their version of you This is interesting. Narcissists almost Attempt to groom us Into their version of us so they're always wanting you to be like them, you know have what they have Read what they read watch what they watch it's this it's this Grooming almost with the goes into effect in their relationship with them of Manipulating you coercing you nudging and pushing you Into what they think is a better life for you, which is basically a life more like theirs Or you shouldn't go there you should go there. You shouldn't do that. You should do this We did this and you would love it And it's this endless Manipulation that's what it really is it may have come across as concern or recommendation or this would be great Which is fine from a person different to the person I'm describing But when you add this trait this characteristic to the others are mentioning it just reinforces the narcissism in the person When you feel you are being manipulated into Their version of you which is as I said more like the version of themselves Number four they make you question your thoughts and decisions in favor of theirs This is interesting with narcissists because when you are Expressing an opinion about something particularly if it's something you know controversial that's going on in the world at the time You know like racism or something going on with global warming or some political thing Or some TV show That had a particular emphasis to it They converse with you in a way that is an attempt to make you question the validity and The strength and the clarity and the thought throughness of your thoughts and conclusions in favor of the ones they have about the thing you speaking about and It's another way that they Try to infiltrate your psychology By inserting themselves Into your thought processes questioning it trying to disrupt and dismantle it and It's like a cuckoo They're trying to get your eggs out get your thoughts out of your mind and replace them with their own Is another character to have noticed about narcissists make you question your own thinking in favor of theirs, which of course is going to be superior to yours and to mine Or at number five They will never respect your boundaries because they only see their own importance Narcissists don't really care about any boundaries. You might have about your life your habits of life Your time your health Your energies the conversations you want to have and don't want to have Any social boundaries that you have the others would Naturally respect or at least recognize to be able to respect Narcissists don't do any of that They have no radar for someone else's boundary Because they only see the importance of their agenda which allows them to cross boundaries and just step in to Anybody's world at any time with anything they want to say Even though you know what it's happening. You feel violated and you know, you wouldn't let someone else do that but because of the cumulative effect on us of Narcissists, it's like we got so used to how they behave That we don't defend our boundaries We kind of surrender because we're so worn down by all the other things I've mentioned and other things I'm going to mention That even though our boundaries have been ignored and overridden and invaded We kind of take it Um Because it's it's unimportant and if you have to remind them that they just crossed a boundary It only triggers something else in the narcissist of being offended of getting stronger with you of excluding you Of bullying you so you tend to take it but what's going on is your boundaries are being disrespected and No, one but no one should be allowed to disrespect your boundaries Number six they don't mind ignoring shaming Minimizing or isolating you to serve themselves narcissists will Use people Will have them close and then push them away Will isolate them minimize them even shame them If it serves a particular agenda they have at that time in their life Generally or with regard to yourself and they have no conscience at all about ghosting you about Minimizing your importance to them because last time you were with them They communicated to you as if You were the most important thing in their world now suddenly you don't hear anything from them. You're excluded and minimized And they've been avoidant of you so this these forms of isolation of you is another mark of a narcissist because They suddenly don't see your value to them anymore Or they got weary of you because perhaps you said an opinion that they didn't agree with or perhaps you did put Your foot down about a boundary Or perhaps you did say something that the challenge their self-obsession and so they'll just cut you out minimize isolate is another ongoing characteristic of narcissists Pretty heavy a alright little commercial break guys if you track with me at all especially on my Leadership teachings and postings and podcasts and so on then Just to let you know you may be aware of this already about my live online event coming up on the 8th of May Call transform the leader within It's up there now available to be Booked into this two options a two hour one Where you'll be on the zoom call with me for the teaching and there is a option for a Third hour where we can do live Q&A about the material that I will be teaching I'm going to be speaking about these four pillars in my life that I have identified that have sustained me for decades of Influence relationships Communication and spirituality. I'm gonna be deep diving into these four pillars of my life I want to help you find out what pillars in your life are your non-negotiable true north Support structures because we all have them most people don't know what they are These are mine. I want to encourage you to find them in your life, too in the live event So transform the leader within because real transformation real lasting change guys Has to come from internal transformation rather than external things we tried to bolt on that are not sustained by Internal transformation. So hope you can join me on the 8th of May. All right number seven Nascisist will gaslight and marginalize you Then encourage and praise you simultaneously in the hope you don't spot the manipulation that's going on This is a tricky one because a narcissist will Will will gaslight to marginalize which makes you feel Terrible and unseen and unheard Of course in favor of what they want to say And the volume of themselves they want to increase and decrease yours But then simultaneously they praise you which makes you confused because one minute they're gaslighting you next minute They're saying oh, that's fantastic. You're brilliant. It was great when you said that I think you great at that I think you look fantastic in that and so on and They hope you don't see that that that pendulum swings that you go through in a few minutes with them Watch for that because the gaslighting is telling you something far more Than the praise is the gaslighting is what we should be having the radar for and how that makes you feel as it Marginalizes and shuts you down And the praise is to keep you on board the praise is to give you some sense of Them anaesthetic To to lessen the impact to lessen the pain of the gaslighting and the marginalizing So the praise that they give you and the encouragement Is just enough to kind of balance out the gaslighting that they know they're doing and it's playing with you It's manipulation. It's mental and emotional manipulation. Watch out for that number eight They use people because their agenda and priorities are always more important narcissists will use and abuse you According to what they fear at any given time You can help them with where you are beneficial to them and Narcissists use people and then discard them Um For their own use and their own importance and priorities which of course always more important So they don't see anything wrong With using people for their own ends because they are of course convinced that their priorities are most important And they're convinced that you also must think that of course remember because their lives are more superior than yours And so this narrative that they have about their own self-importance allows them to use you To their own ends because they know at the end of the day You're gonna think what I was so glad to help because I realized, you know, I had nothing to do that day You know, I was just Available Big and add more free time and didn't have things as important as you and that's how they think you think about them So will use you For their own agenda and priorities because they think you don't have any as important as theirs number nine They need people and relationships just like the rest of us, but they're unable to see others as equals So narcissists enjoy of course Company and socializing because it lets them, you know wax eloquent about themselves. It lets them have an audience a Captive audience to feed their self-obsession in all the ways. I just mentioned and so despite Them doing that you Muslim think that in any of that interaction socially they ever see you as an equal to them in any way It's impossible for them to do that so this sense of wanting to have dinner hang out go to the movies these these Um These invitations to socialize with them are confusing Because you know when you are with them. It's so painful for you and it's all about them You think why would they even want to be around people when it's so obvious? That they're obnoxious to be around of course It's not obvious to them narcissists can't see that they are narcissists That's part of the massive blind spotting problem with being a narcissist Compared to many other afflictions we have as humans in our character flaws Narcissism is an unusually strong blind spot So they don't see that being with them is difficult and uncomfortable and toxic So they will encourage social interaction and hanging out and so on whilst being completely unaware That they would never see you anything you say or do or have or be or go or Experience is not an equal to anything. They have ever done or seen or been and had and so on Number ten and finally They will only want you in their world if you offer them financial security or status or some support for a project that matters to them or If you just generally stroke their ego in some way, then they'll keep you in their world Narcissist as I said are users of people and people they want to consistently keep close Are people that in some way serve their status or provide some kind of financial Security or support For their projects or goals or ideas or lifestyles and they love having people around Who generally? Make them feel their ego is been stroked people that go. Oh, ah, wow. That's amazing That's fantastic when they are telling you things that are full of themselves They love people around them that Fawn and Fainter how marvelous they are to any degree then they will they will sponge up That stroking of their ego and it fuels them So if you will all provide that they will want you in their world So you got to ask yourself if I am providing that I need to cut that off because that's the only reason I'm there that I'm not there because they like me or they're a true friend They just want me there for what they can get out of me and think what it is that you bring to them and Then say I am going to cut off and starve that narcissism by not providing that to them Everywhere you think you are doing that At the end of the day narcissism is all about a false sense of self It's a mask isn't that people wear Which slips over time and when it does you should be paying attention because it will slip Oh and you see that slip and how it affects you and you see this Unmassed version of them which these ten points are to help you figure that out and see that Then make sure you pay attention Narcissism is the fear of appearing ordinary Which drives them to exaggeration and showing off in an attempt to appear Extraordinary when their lives really are not that at all Don't ever try By the way as I come to a close with you guys Don't ever try to confront or change a narcissist. It's like trying to nail jelly to the wall Wish them well move away from their toxicity and protect yourself from The toxicity of Narcissists in your world and keep an eye on these things in yourself too Think we can all have narcissistic traits that if we don't catch them early they develop And just you know do any one of these things is awful never mind having you know ten of them or half a dozen of them So it's a heads up to us all to keep an eye on this Alright, well listen. Thanks so much for being here with me on today's show Don't forget to leave a comment or review tag me in where you are listening from and again Thanks for being here with me. Have a fantastic day. All right. Speak to you next time