 Good evening, and thank you for joining us tonight. In a moment, we will go to our study. You will see that we will not have a bulletin, but we'll go directly to our teaching and then we'll conclude the teaching with a few words of encouragement to you who are viewing our services online. Please take the opportunity of letting us know that you're watching and if you desire to give an offering, you can do so online. If you're watching us via computer, click on the give button in the upper right corner of your screen. If you're watching on your mobile device or iPad, click give under the menu button. If this is your first time giving digitally, follow the instruction under four ways to give to process your gift. You can also mail your checks to 12205 North Pipeline Avenue, Chino, California, 91710. And remember, you can still come in and use the kiosks we have in the foyer that are set up to process gifts, or you can place your gift in an envelope and hand it to one of our receptionists in the foyer. Thank you. And with that, let's get into the teaching. This really relates to dating, if you will, and the way that we're contemporizing it, dating and into the state of marriage. And so we're going to be looking at chapter three, the entire chapter, verses one through eleven today. But I'll be doing some refreshing for you in chapter two, looking at a couple of things there. Then we'll move into chapter three. But what we're going to be looking at, especially as we look at verse six through eleven, is a wedding. And we're going to see that, but we've been dealing with relationships. And we'll look at that with some more, a little more closely as we go through this chapter together. Let's begin reading Song of Solomon chapter three at verse one, I'll read to verse five and we'll get into our studies. Song of Solomon chapter three, beginning at verse one, reading to verse five. This is the Shulamite. By night, on my bed, I sought the one I love. I sought him, but I did not find him. I will rise now, I said, and go about the city. In the streets and in the squares, I will seek the one I love. I sought him, but I did not find him. The watchman who go about the city found me to whom I said, have you seen the one I love? Scarcely had I passed by them when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him to the house of my mother and into the into the chamber of her who conceived me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases. As we've been looking at Song of Solomon, I've been emphasizing up to this chapter relationships. I've mentioned to you that in the Old Testament and biblical times, they really didn't have what we would call a dating kind of system that was going on at that time. What they had were a system of arranged marriages. And so as we've been looking through this, what I've been doing is taking some of the aspects of it and applying it to the 21st century. And so we've been looking at dating and relationships. And I've been sharing with you some of those things. And I was mentioning to you last time that we were together that that in order for you to have a successful long term relationship, there needs to be trust and commitment. And it has to be to one person. When you look at verse 16 in chapter two, for example, you see that the Shulamite says my beloved is mine and I am his. This gives to us insight into the fact that there was a commitment and a trust relationship between the two. And that's the key to long term relationships. We need to maintain what attracted us to that other person in the first place. And then we build on that foundation. There are a lot of building blocks, if you will, that a good and successful relationship will be built on. And one of those building blocks obviously would be friendship. It's an important thing for us to have the person that we're dating to be more than somebody we're simply attracted to that person that we're dating. How to be somebody that we actually see as our friend. You see, Marie and I have been married a long time. We've been together a long time. And she and I would readily say to you that one of the most important elements of our relationship has always been that we're friends. We were friends long before we became lovers. We were friends long before there was anything like that involved in our lives at all. We were friends. We built our relationship on friendship. She actually likes me. Amazing. And I like her. I mean, I just enjoy being with her. I like to speak to her. I like to hear from her. I like to tease with her. I like her. Friendship. You can have love for somebody, but not like them. Well, in dating and in marriage, you better like them. You better have that relationship where you're fond of them and where you actually can say, this is my dearest and closest friend that I have in the entire world. This is my friend. You see, when you have a friendship relationship, some of the elements of friendship that come into play in a dating and into a marital relationship are the fact that that friendship is built on support and encouragement for one another. We know that friends will share the same beliefs and values. We know that friends will respect one another. We realize, of course, that all friendships are tested over time, but a true friendship lasts. They're grounded in loyalty. They're grounded in love. They're grounded in honesty. As friends, we challenge one another to continue growing in the Lord Jesus Christ and as friends. We encourage one another to both be good and to do good to other people. As friends, we closely watch over our relationship. We don't let the fire go out. We rekindle it when it's needed. And as friends, we show one another respect and not only that, but we listen to one another to one another closely and we don't hear just the words that are being spoken, but we listen to the feelings behind the words. We grow to understand each other. A lot of fights that you can have with your girlfriend or with your husband or wife, your boyfriend, can relate to semantics, just arguing over words. You know what I'm talking about. You said this. Well, I didn't mean that. Well, it's not what you meant that I heard. And you get into that argument where the person didn't even mean to offend you. They didn't mean to say that, but you're going to just hold them to it. You said this. No, this is exactly what you said. But honey, you know I didn't mean it that way. It doesn't matter how you say you meant it. It's what you said there. Well, when you play that game there, you've got nothing but problems going. You got to go beyond that. You got to go beyond just the expression of words. I believe that words are powerful. They're containers of very powerful images and all of that. And words are so important that God gave to us words to use to preach the gospel. We need to be precise. But there are times that we make an error. There are times when we may not be saying exactly what we mean to say. Everybody knows that. It's true. So you have to listen beyond what has just been said. You have to judge what's being said based on the character of the person who you think is saying it. And then you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Because they wouldn't intend to hurt you normally. Sometimes they're used as a sword to pierce. There's no doubt about that. But in a friendship relationship, you listen beyond just the words that are being spoken. You listen to the things that are meant by those words and the things that are behind those words. People today, I've heard them say this, you know, I feel you. And I think what they're trying to say is, I understand what you mean. I understand deeper than just the outside. I go to the depth. I understand what you mean. So Marie and I, Marie will say something to me. And she tries to be very precise when she speaks to me. She wanted to tell me exactly what she's feeling. And there are times when I basically just have to say, no honey, I understand exactly what you mean. Well, I was trying to say, you don't have to say it that way. I understand exactly what you're trying to say. Because I've tried to learn her language. I've spent time trying to learn a language. To see a man's language and a woman's language are entirely different languages. We know that. You know, a woman says something, and those are two different things very often. They're in different planets. Let's face it. And a language sometimes is just entirely different. We didn't mean it the way it sounded. You know, you say that you want to go out and spend some time with the guys. And she says, okay, go ahead. And as a man, you're saying, all right, she gave me permission. That's not what she's saying. She's saying you'd rather be with them over me is what she's saying. But you just said, okay, go ahead. You know, when she said, okay, the rest of who cares? And so we had to learn the language. That's what you do. And in relationship, that's what you're doing, basically. And friends are people who listen beyond the words. And especially is true in relationships. It's especially true when you're listening to a heart and not just a word. You see, in verse 15 of chapter two, we read, catch us the little foxes that spoil the vines. The little foxes. In relationships, it's usually the small things that add up to the big problems. So that's why we deal with problems as quickly as possible. You know, the scripture says, don't let the sun set on your wrath. You know, we try and deal with things as quickly as possible because if you don't deal with the problem, it becomes part of the relationship. It's actually ingrained. And so naturally, we have to deal with the problems because the small things can add up to big problems. And obviously not all differences are necessary to deal with, but some things need to be. And we need to know that there are things that we might have to deal with because it's going to be damaging to our friendship and our relationship. You know, you might have a girlfriend or a boyfriend at this moment who is a little jealous or shows jealousy and you may even be flattered by that thinking, oh, they really care about me. Well, flattery, that's really not something that you should really be flattered by because jealousy is not a good thing in a relationship. It's just not a good thing at all in a relationship. As a matter of fact, it can be a dangerous thing. There's obviously a godly jealousy, the sense that I have a relationship with this person and this person is mine. I am my beloved and she is mine. I have that relationship. There's that sense of ownership, of course. But then there's that sinful jealousy and damaging it. And sometimes we have that in our relationships and it's just a bad thing to have. In Proverbs 27, verse 4, it says, wrath is cruel and anger is a torrent. But who is able to stand before jealousy? And so if you have somebody who's jealous, they're also probably very possessive. They probably are also very dominating. You have to ask yourself if you really want to have that. You may have somebody that you're with who likes to spend money, especially yours and they may hate to work or they may be arrogant and controlling. They may be opinionated or it may be that they're indecisive or you notice that they're sloppy or they're always late or when you go out with friends they're the ones who like to talk over people or if you tell them something they get real quiet when they're upset. You have to ask yourself, is this what I can live with? They may be people who are overly dependent on others or they may be the kind that are slow or they may be a real commitment. You've been dating them seven years and they still don't want to get married. And you have to ask yourself am I willing to go through this? You know little foxes in a relationship are often personality habits that you won't see change. So you have to deal with them. Maybe they're the kind of person who likes to stay up late and visit because they're so relational. My mom's very personal. She just loves visiting with people always has as long as I can remember my mom has always been the woman who would just if you're over the house you can stay as long as you want and if you're there in the evening you can stay there overnight. And my mom would be there at the table I can remember all through my life if my mom had friends over it was a Friday or a Saturday or whatever even during the week my mom would be there at the kitchen table and they would be visiting and my mom would put some coffee on and they'd drink coffee and all of that. And he'd walk and he'd say well it's 10 o'clock time for me to go to bed I saw him do this and he would stand up and he'd kind of nod to his friends and say it's nice having you here good night. And he'd walk out and his buddy would be sitting at the table like what and my dad would go and close the door my dad and I thought wow dad well Marie is like my mom I had to learn I had to learn to be hospitable that was just something Marie was and is because I in the past in our early years I did exactly that and I didn't even think about it I looked at my watch I said you know I gotta get up early in the morning I'm not asking you to leave I'm not I'm just going to bed good night love you see you sometime in the future when you can't stay so long I only thought that then I would go to bed and I had to learn and see some things my wife to this day and some of you are married to a woman just like this or a husband just like this Marie will be sitting next to me sometimes and I'm watching a program or something and her little head is falling forward her chin is heading and she's going to sleep and I'll say baby you need to go to bed I'm not sleeping yes you are baby you're asleep she'll do that for an hour I have gotten up and left her there just left her I've left the TV on and I said well it's 10 o'clock and I've gone to bed and she'll come up you didn't wake me up well you weren't asleep I mean didn't you tell me you weren't asleep you're awake there are things that don't change you know that and just be aware of that some things will change some things won't Marie is very relational and I had to learn some things when I dated her you know I remember I grew up in Norwalk and was living in Norwalk and she grew up here in Chino and she was living in Ontario at this time and she had two roommates and they had a little apartment just down the road and I drove to pick her up it was I believe a Saturday night take her on a date she had these two roommates and I came walking into the apartment and the roommates were also part of my Bible studies that we were having during the week on Mondays and I said hi how are you and they said oh hi you know and Marie turns to them and says we're going out would you like to go with us and I look at Marie and oh yeah they said we'd love to let us get ready and I'm kind of just sitting there and they run off into their room and they're getting ready and I said Marie we had just started dating we had just started dating and I said I've got something I have to get out of the car would you like to go with me and she said yeah okay come on we're going to get slaughtered so I took her no I'm cheesy so I brought her in and I said you know Marie I said you know I like your roommates and all of that I'm going to triple date I don't feel like going out with you and your roommates you know I came to take you out and I just got to ask you to do me a favor I got to ask you to please let me know before you invite somebody to go with us because I'm not one who takes well to those kinds of surprises you just need to know that about me because I don't like that that is something I don't like and guess what she was able to deal with it and she understands and me I had to learn her ways as she had to learn my that's communication that's what you learn you learn how to do that and it wasn't that she was right and I was wrong or I was wrong and she was right I think that it's okay if we talk about it we could work it out these are the things that you work out and so those things don't really change and I began to move in that direction and I'm much more relational than I ever have been because I see the value of that and the reality of it being a virtue and not something that's a negative and so you learn from each other but you have to be real with one another that's hearing the emotion behind the words and we need to know that because it's a small fox that will ruin the vines and so it's a small things that we need to know one more thing and then we'll move into chapter 3 in verse 17 remember how she had said until the day breaks and the shadows flee away turn my beloved and be like a gazelle or a young stag upon the mountains of Bethlehem and what she's basically saying in this is she's saying this way she's saying I want to be with you in an intimate fashion her saying I want to be with you in a personal way she's speaking of sexual intimacy once again the Bible does not frown on sexual intimacy there are people who will say you Christians you're so uptight and they use the word puritanic and they'll say oh you're just so uptight when it comes to things related to sexual intimacy and that is not true now some people are shy and there's a propriety in that they don't even know what the word blush means there ought to be times when you do sense that that was an improper thing to be said and yes there are delicate things and notice the way that I speak about intimacy I use words that I think are proper to describe it you don't have to use gutter language to speak about physical things but the bottom line is the Bible doesn't speak about sexual intimacy as being a wrong thing outside of marriage as a matter of fact the Bible is concerned in the fact that God created man and God said that the man and the woman should become one in order that they might procreate and God said in his initial creation it's good and sexual intimacy is good within the confines of a proper relationship Proverbs 5, 18 and 19 says let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth as a loving deer and a graceful doe let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love that's what the Bible says love her and have physical relationships with her there's nothing wrong with that the Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 62 November of 2000 reported that the highest levels of sexual satisfaction were reported by individuals who were in married monogamous relationships while those who were single or living together reported lower levels of sexual satisfaction the Bible says that it is good and it is pleasant within the confines of a marital relationship but even science demonstrates that when people are just living together or just hooking up once in a while it isn't satisfying at all because it's missing the component of love it's missing the component of the spirit of God and it's wrong now this woman here the Shulamite is speaking concerning the fact and it verses 1 through 5 she's basically letting Solomon know that she has a desire for him she wants to be intimate with her and so when you begin to look at verses 1 especially verses 1 through 3 she's revealing a dream that she has had in which she is desiring him to be with her night after night she's dreaming of him she's longing for him and finally after searching she finds him and it says in verse 4 scarcely had I passed by them when I found the one I love I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him to the house of my mother and into the chamber of her who conceived me so when she finally finds him she brings him home hoping that her mom is gonna hasten her wedding day so she is saying I desire you I want you to be with me in a physical way I love you I seek you out I want you when she goes on in verse 5 I charge you oh daughters of Jerusalem by the gazelles or by the doze of the field do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases once again she's saying sexual love is not to be experienced outside of marriage you see this all through the Bible in 1st Thessalonians chapter 4 verses 3 through 5 people says that Paul says this is the will of God your sanctification is the sexual immorality that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel and sanctification in honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God he says you know God you have a relationship with God and God has said that he wants you to have a vessel that is pure so keep yourself pure from sexual immorality he said you're not like the Gentiles or the pagans who don't have a relationship with God they have treasures and appetites their God is their belly and they basically fulfill the desires of their own heart without any concern for other people or whether or not it honors God so this is the will of God he says concerning you your sanctification in Hebrews in chapter 13 verse 4 marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulterers God will judge so when you have a relationship it begins with a simple date and it moves on until the point where you begin to feel more of a desire for them and passion will grow in your relationship but passion is always to be tempered by restraint Galatians 523 when it's speaking concerning what is called the fruit of the spirit says the fruit of the spirit is self-control and that's part of just walking in the spirit is exercising self-control that drives you to sin the Holy Spirit restrains you from it and so the Bible makes it very clear that it's proper to have relationships but you don't awaken nor stir up love until it pleases instead of having sex falling in love then getting engaged and marrying you need to fall in love get engaged get married get engaged in physical intimacy that's the proper way people today will just hook up for the night and then maybe see them again and then develop a relationship maybe even live with them and they've got it all backwards what you do is you get to know them you see the qualities of them you begin to care about them you have an engagement and I encourage people to have fairly long in sense comparison to the engagement when people get engaged very often they think they're married they even act as if they're married so a shorter engagement and a nice developed dating relationship works real well but then you get married then your wedding night is actually an offering to the Lord is actually something that is holy and blessed by him now if you have somebody that you're with and you're dating right now and they're pressuring you to have sexual intimacy any form of it is going off that relationship if there's somebody telling you well sex isn't going to change you doesn't make you any different anybody who tells you that is lying to you or they're shallow you will change once you've had sexual intimacy you change forever and you see yourself differently and others will see you differently too you need to be aware of that it's a great price to pay if you've entered into sexual intimacy as an unmarried individual one of the things I love about the Lord is he makes all things new and you ask God forgiveness and you repent from that and God can change your life and you can become an entirely different person and I'd encourage you to that I was reading something that I found very interesting listen to this 80% of people living together 80% of people living together eventually separate 60% of those who have been married in a civil ceremony 60% end up divorcing 40% of those getting married in a church eventually divorce 40% but those who read their Bibles together daily divorce at the rate of one out of every 1,050 think about that if you're dating you need to be reading you need to be in the word together you need to have devotions together it needs to be built on Jesus Christ and your mutual faith in Him if you're going to walk as a Christian if you want to be in the world live as a world but if you want to be a Christian make it a spiritual relationship one out of every 1,050 end up in divorce that's minuscule because the word of the Lord is kept them together they're centered on something more than whether they like the same foods, music and places to go it's deeper than that and so keep that in mind and some of you I know are thinking about that that's your opinion that's a fact that's how it works what has made my marriage a good marriage Jesus Christ in doing these things that I'm sharing with you that's what's made it what it is it's one another in Christ it's walking as friends it's having respect for one another being loyal to one another caring about one another it's those kinds of things that I'm trying to share with you that has made my marriage a solid marriage and that's really something I want for all of us the heart of any good relationship that leads to marriage is spiritual and intimacy flows out of that bond and it's the cement that keeps you together that's why we have our weddings that are centered on Jesus and that's why our vows are made to him I had somebody say that they didn't like our weddings because they're too spiritual the two religious is what they said some weddings are too religious you know they miss the whole point the whole point is that it's supposed to be honoring Jesus Christ you know when you read Ecclesiastes 4 verse 12 the writer says though one may be overpowered by another two can withstand him and a three-fold chord is not quickly broken so you have the bride, the groom and Jesus Christ and that keeps you solid and strong now as this is all taking place verse 6 who is this coming out of the wilderness like pillars of smoke perfumed with myrrh and frankincense with all the merchants fragrant powders behold it is Solomon's couch with 60 valiant men around it of the valiant of Israel they all hold swords being expert in war every man has his sword on his thigh because of fear in the night of the wood of Lebanon Solomon the king made himself a palanquin he made its pillars of silver its support of gold its seat of purple they are paved with love by the daughters of Jerusalem go forth oh daughters of Zion and see king Solomon with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his espousals the day of the gladness of his heart this is the view of a wedding the wedding day and she sees him as he's approaching her and that's why she says who is this coming out of the wilderness like pillars of smoke perfumed with myrrh the formation of Israel was led through the wilderness by a pillar of fire and smoke so this is revealing that God is the one who brought Solomon to her and this is the moment that she was born for when God is bringing her husband to her that's how it should be by the way when you finally marry if you're standing up here you shouldn't be looking for the exit how am I going to get out of here this is just a legal ceremony it's not an excuse for a party later on and it's not entered into with a let's see if it works kind of mentality it should be a monumental occasion that is filled with joy and celebration and here comes Solomon approaching her and he's perfumed it's a picture of celebration everything pleasant because it's all centered on God and Solomon has prepared himself for his bride and it's a deeply spiritual moment you see smoke and myrrh you see frankincense with worship and sacrifice marriage is deeply spiritual God leads it's including sacrifice and worship at its core when I'm up here doing a wedding I normally will tell the young groom I normally call him the victim but when I speak to the groom I'll say listen I'll be up here I usually have a chain around him so he can't get away I'll be up here the groom and all and his ushers come out the pastor will come and stand up here and the men will be here normally and then the young bridesmaids will come walking forward and the music is playing and they assemble up here and there'll be a special song normally and it's just real sweet then when that special song concludes and the last bride maid has taken her place up here on the platform there's silence for just a moment and that silence brings anticipation because people know some things about to happen that's good the lights may be a little dimmer at that moment and then the music starts and the back door is there there's two doors in the back swing open and then there's the bride and she's with her dad or the one who's bringing her down and I've told the grooms many times I've said listen when you see her standing at that door that will become in your heart one of the most powerful images that you carry for the rest of your married life on my iPhone I have the picture of my wife Marie when she came out the door that's what I carry every time I open up my iPhone I see my bride every time I look at her because I love that picture of her and that memory I have carried all through these years that I've been with that woman because that's what I encourage men to this is what's happening with a Shulamite she looks and here comes Solomon and as Solomon is coming to her it's a picture of worship she's saying God has brought this man to me and marriage includes it includes sacrifice it includes worship it includes all of these things and I want you to notice something here because in verses 7 and 8 it speaks of Solomon's couch it's Solomon's couch with 60 valiant men around it valiant the valiant of Israel Solomon has 60 valiant men as his groomsmen and these are men who are warriors they're securing her from disturbance it's a picture of a man who keeps his bride from all harm he's making it clear that her safety is now in his hands and he will protect her this husband becomes the protector and that's what he's there to do and she feels secure with him here's something for you those women and men those of us who are married in this room I would ask the wives in this room as well as appeal to us as the husbands I would ask the wife to see her husband as a hero because that's what she's saying she's looking and seeing him and the picture here is just an amazing picture but she sees this man and you got a picture this is a man amongst 60 warriors but amongst the 60 warriors who are armed the only person she really sees is Solomon and he's the leader of these valiant men she sees him as a hero husbands become the hero to your wife become the hero to your wife I realize that that sounds old fashioned doesn't it but I made up my mind that that's what I was going to be in the life of my wife my wife is going to have she doesn't have to look to other men to be her hero she should be living with them she should be living with her hero and that's what I am to her and I say that I know that it can sound arrogant I realize that I take a chance in even saying this because there are some who misunderstand what I'm saying but I can tell you the truth and that is the truth my wife would tell you that if you ask my wife who's the greatest man in your life who's the greatest man you've ever known my wife isn't going to mention some old boyfriend she's not going to mention some other guy she's not going to mention somebody on TV she's going to say my name because I have been working to be her hero for many years and that's what I want to be as her protector I want her to see me then that way not as some uncouth, rude, mean, abusive guy I know I want her to see me as somebody like Solomon is seen this is one who's coming out of the wilderness perfumed with mer frankincense and fragrant powders she sees him as a valiant man who is prepared for her and that's what husbands that's what you ought to be to your wife if somebody were to take your wife aside and say who's the greatest man in your life she ought to without a doubt without a question without a hesitation the greatest man in my life it's my husband she ought to say that my husband and that's what I want to be for mine and that's what Solomon is for the Shulamite and she sees and she says God brought this man to me and look at what God brought to me you know there are tears in weddings and sometimes the tears in weddings are because mom and dad are sad at what mama but their baby is getting married to that's the truth sometimes mama and daddy are crying because the daughter made a bad decision and there's nothing they could do about it because I'm going to be with him you just don't know him and all of that arrogance that we have as youth comes out you make a choice that is bad or the boy comes home with a young lady who really doesn't suit him in terms of what that boy is really like the little girl doesn't fit into his life but he is bent on marrying her and that's just the way it's going to be and you're going to like her no matter what it doesn't work that way you see in the case of Solomon and I'll show you this here when it says in verses 9 and 10 it speaks of the wood of Lebanon it's called a palanquin that's a portable enclosed chair it's like a small carriage that would carry both the man and the woman and what he's doing is he's carrying for her in every way he's treating her as if she has value even though she's very poor and he's offering her material comfort and security from financial fears again briefly my wife did not marry me because she thought I would be rich some day I was a college student she just signed on and trusted me to provide for her the best that I could the best that I can one thing my wife did know she married a man who would do everything he could to take care of her and that was the kind of man Solomon was something that marriages end up good all by themselves without any effort that's not true at all you have to work at it but as all of this is taking place here when it says go forth in verse 11 O daughters of Zion seek King Solomon with the crown with which his mother crowned him the crown of the angels the day of the gladness of his heart that tells us something because during that time the groom would wear a crown well the crown would be a picture of independence because he's establishing his own family and he's establishing his own home but the mother crowned him and that would be Bathsheba by the way the mother crowned him revealing her approval of his marriage but not only revealing the approval of his marriage that she would love his wife as if it was her own daughter she was approving the daughter when my Joseph married Karina you know I have conversations I'm a talkative person and I have conversations with sons-in-law and my daughters and daughters and daughter-in-law and I told my Karina I'm not going to call you my daughter-in-law I don't like that phrase personally I told Karina you're my daughter and I'll treat you as my daughter to be honest with you I'll spoil you like I spoiled my daughters because I love you like you're my own blood and that's the truth I love my daughter-in-law like she's my home and that's what mama's showing here by putting a crown on Solomon's head she's saying I approve and I will love your wife my wife Marie loves my sons and daughter-in-law like they're her own that's the way it ought to be and when the young woman comes home with the young man brings them to dad and mom and we meet them over time there should be an affection that grows between that son to be son-in-law that is real reservation if there's a sense this isn't right this isn't going to work then you're going to have a lot of pain in your relationship not in this case the whole family you see is involved in marriage daddy may give away the bride mama may light a candle and quietly weep but it's all good when it's in the Lord but when the husband or wife knows that the family doesn't support the marriage it's painful and resentment you can have bitterness it can arise and it makes everybody uncomfortable that has to be worked out before there's a wedding you see for Solomon his wedding day was a day of joy and beauty it was a day of holiness before the Lord everything was going well with them before man and God it's the day of his wedding and it's the gladness of his heart and that's how weddings ought to be and by the way this is a picture of when our bridegroom Jesus comes prepared for us and we see him as the hero in our lives because when all is said and done as Paul said in Ephesians 5 marriage is really a picture of Jesus and his bride the church and as you see this picture here well one of these days our hero is going to come for us and we're going to see him the way he is but until that time comes we need to live out the weddings and marriages that God gives to us here on earth to bring glory to him and Father we ask that that might be so amongst all of us we ask that we might take these basic things and live them out Lord even as our eyes are closed and our heads are bowed perhaps there's some in this room right now the Lord is speaking to you need to get right with God and you need prayer I want to pray for you you may be having a struggle because I want to pray for you and if you would like prayer would you raise your hand right now and let me pray for you right where you're at just raise your hand Father you see these hands and you know the reason why they're being raised to you right now I simply ask that you would reach down and touch these lives and as you're touching these lives that Lord whatever concern they may be lifting to you whatever desire of their heart that they're asking you to meet that you would meet them there let it be done to them according to their faith as they trust in you I pray that you will meet them there work in them and show yourself strong reveal yourself Lord and do so to your own glory and to their blessing and we thank you Lord and we thank you you can put your hands down and Jesus would you keep moving in all of us and may we take the things we're learning and learn to apply them in your name we pray Amen. Thank you Lord and God be with you and we look forward to having you with us once again