 Can you think back to the last time someone said or did something that upset you so much you were basically speechless? Something where your brain says, ah, rude. This is not just being blunt or saying things in anger. It's those things that serve no purpose other than to hurt and demean others. And we don't have the infinity gauntlet to snap them into niceness. So what should you do? Well, we're on your side and we have some comebacks that can hopefully help with diffusing that mean spark. Hey, you seem a little upset. Is everything okay? What do you do to deal with fire? You dampen it. After the s'mores are done, of course. And sometimes meanness is really fiery. They're flaring up all over the place, setting alight anyone who comes close. Everyone is kindling, even if you're not firing back and being normal. Seriously, a study showed that ongoing interactions like negotiations with rude people increase the other party's rudeness thereafter. So this phrase is like a fire blanket. It's a dampener that discourages the spread. It forces the other person to take a pause and provide insight, showing that you are listening and care, not just getting swept up in the inferno. Benefit for you, knowing the why gives you tools and control to make a better decision like fireproofing. Number two, let's start this conversation over. This is where the conversation started off rough than morphed into an angry, nearly incoherent battle zone. Many times, it's because emotions grew until both sides lost empathy for each other. All either side can see is you are not thinking of my point of view. In the heat of the moment, we forget this truth. My feelings are valid, and theirs are equally valid. Which means we forget to consider the answer to this question. Do I know, or have I considered their point of view? So this phrase helps communicate that the entire thing might have started with a misunderstanding and you're open to a new point of view. Number three, I don't allow people to talk to me like that. This is you respecting yourself and the boundaries you have set. This is yours and yours alone and no one else has the right to change it or stomp on it. Some people will certainly try though. You might recognize this in targeted put downs and any comment that paint you as less than them. You have no obligation to let them dictate your validity. This phrase is telling them that you know who you are and that using your paint to bolster themselves is not their right, nor is it acceptable. If the person is amplified, meanness, with no hint of growth, you have the right to walk away. You don't need that noise. Or, let's just take a few minutes to calm down before it gets worse and come back to this later. You can re-read this in several ways, you're essentially saying you've noticed that this is probably not the path you want to take and better discussion was happening before. This phrase is like the reset button so you can hopefully reload at the safe point before the conversation turned into a fight but still have all the progress you made during the calm part of the conversation. Of course, angling towards yourself like I am feeling very emotional and I need to settle please may work better, showing that you're self-aware and care about others than just pressing your point. Telling an already emotional person you need to calm down usually does exactly the opposite. You need to re-evaluate the way you speak to people. Speaking of careful phrases, you may want to save this particular one for when the mean or rude person is blatantly out of line or they ask you straight up, why do people react this way to me? We say be careful because saying you need to can sound like an order which could flare a defensive response even if you're not the target but they're constantly spinning venom about everyone else this phrase, even if true, may not be received well if they're not ready to hear it. On the other hand, it can certainly help your understanding of where and why they are the way they are. They could have a mini epiphany of I never knew I came off that way or they could double down proclaiming that everyone else is the problem and then start hurling insults at you. And a rare twist? Maybe you'd find yourself uncovering a situation where the person isn't being mean but being bullied and gaslighted by those they've complained about. Mean people exist, but they're not all the same. Each of these phrases gives the person a chance to show you what they're made of. Are they oblivious to how they sound or is there a deeper story where you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg? There are also those who are incapable of being courteous because they lack the capacity to care about others and take responsibility for themselves. That's not on you. Nor is it your responsibility to accept poor treatment. You, who have done your best to give them a chance, do have the green light to walk away. They don't get to feed on you and when everyone else does the same, the only thing we can do is hope the mean person gets a wake-up call. What kind of mean people have you encountered? How has your experience changed over time? If you've tried similar comebacks, what happened? Please comment and discuss. And we know you're not mean enough to leave us without pushing that like button.