 Transcribe. Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Kathy Lewis, Elliot Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, opening tonight in their own theater, starring in a repertory of stories of their own and your choosing. Radio's foremost players in radio's foremost plays. Drama, comedy, adventure, mystery, melodrama. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elliot Lewis. Good evening. May I present my wife, Kathy? Good evening. Tonight is our opening night and tonight is the first day of the new year, so we're going to do a comedy for you to start our new series. Something like a spray of confetti to go with the season. A story about a young man and his wife in 1953. Nice people, not rich, not poor, happy with each other. You know, nice. So tonight we present String Bow Tie by Morton Fine and David Friedkin. My name in the play is Gerson Hapsmith. And I'm Laurie Hapsmith. And we're married and we live in New York. The opening scene has to do with Laurie. She's got a seat on the 7th Avenue subway. It's New Year's Eve afternoon and she's on her way home from work. At the moment she's upset because the seated man next door is working the crossword puzzle and doesn't know the three-letter word for the web-footed diving bird of the Arctic Sea. Laurie knows. Ork. 16 down. It's Ork. A-U-K. Now extinct. It's very cold in the Arctic. Here's the paper. You work it out. Yes, thank you. Bye. That's Laurie. Easy to get along with. Even on a subway where people are pretty tough to get along with. To make a point out of it, Laurie, in a way she knows, makes herself smaller so that very large woman will have ample room on the seat. You crowded, dear? No, not at all. Do you have a pencil? Oh, sure, sure, dearie. Wait, I'll find it. I've got it here someplace in my place. Oh, here. Thank you. I like to work crossword puzzles on my way home. Ork. Thanks. They're extinct now, dearie. Yes, I know. Sorry. Which one, honey? A cross or down? Up there on the advertisement. See, the one between the termite service and the cheese crackers? Zowee. Oh, you mean the picture of the man in the string bow tie sitting at the piano? Scherzo, a man's cologne to quicken the pulse of women. Oh, you know something? Why? I understand perfectly the emotions of those four women seated at his feet. Oh, look at that man. Dearie. Uh-huh. Let me know when we get to Times Square. Yesterday I ended up in Bronx Park just staring at him. That fellow's a real beauty. You really think so, huh? Just me? Well, you're all over town. Ladies standing around staring and admiring. Oh, no wonder. The way he sits there at the piano. Hands poised over. Who knows what strange melody? The grace of that fellow. The passion of... He's my husband. Down to his fingertips. Smoldering. Written all over him. He's my husband. Honest. What's his name? Gerson. Gerson. Gerson what? Gerson Hapsmith. Dearie. What? Let me ask you something. No. Zowie. Honey, this is Times Square. Who needs it? I've got a little shop to do in Bronx Park. Oh, hi. What are you doing? I was trying to write a slogan for the agency. What account? Lemke Waterbiscuit account. It's going to be tough. What rhymes with Lempke? Come here, Lori. I want to tell you something, Lover. What? It happened again today. On the subway? Yeah. Did I have a big house? Mobbed. Then there was a woman who sat next to me. Blonde? Brunette? Both. Oh. Honey, you're the heartbeat of the subway circuit. You know what that woman said about your picture? Zowie. You don't know the half of it. Tell me the half of it. Mr. Honeywell at the agency called me in and said they formed a fan club in Bronx Park. Do me a favor, Gerson. Sure. Kiss me. Anytime. Oh. Five million quickening pulses in New York. Gerson, you're my man. You have, baby. Baby. Mm-hmm. You jealous? Why should I be jealous? Just to be Mrs. Hapsmith is all I ever wanted. Crazy the way it happened. Four years ago when the model didn't show up, Mr. Honeywell tapped me for the job, pulled me away from my typewriter, thrust a string bow tie in my hand. And said, this is it, Hapsmith? No, no, he didn't. He just told me to climb into the bow tie and run upstairs and sit in front of the piano. Four years ago, and they just released it. Now my picture's in every bus and subway in New York. You know what Mr. Honeywell said to me today? He asked you for the bow tie? No. He said, this is it, Hapsmith. We've just landed the nine-star meat account. I want you to pose for it in mutton chop whiskers. Oh, no, you won't. Not my gurson, not in mutton chops. That's what I told Mr. Honeywell. The place in an advertising agency for me is in back of a typewriter, making up slogans. That's telling Mr. Honeywell? Yeah. Come on, let's get dressed, baby. New Year's Eve, Manhattan. You wear the off-the-shelf, eh? All right. You wear something for me, too, huh? What? The string bow tie. You kidding? I want to show you off. Oh, you're kidding. To all of New York, the man in this string bow tie is mom. Oh, listen, baby, I... That the woman behind the man who quickens the pulses is me. No, but, baby... You just run a long slip into that bow tie or something. I don't even know how to tie it. Mr. Honeywell tied it for me. Anything Honeywell can do for you, I can do. Mr. Honeywell. Big deal. You really want me to? Please. Baby. You don't have to say please to me. Gerson, just go get the bow tie. Yeah, there's the seat. Come on. Gerson, just to go out on New Year's Eve, everything is so wonderful. Even a crowded subway. I want to tell you something. What? Here we are, 12 feet underground. Good figures. There's two of us. No. I mean, here we are, you and I, rushing around in a subway and a crowd of people. It's not crowded down the other end of the car, Gerson. Why did you have to pick a seat right under your picture? Well, let me finish, will you? Sorry. Crowd of people. And I feel like we're alone, Laurie. Hurdling through space alone. Pardon me, please. Could I just squeeze in here? Well, here, I'll get up. Oh, no, you don't. You just sit there. I'll squeeze in between you. Mm-hmm. You mind scooting over a little, madam? Mm-hmm. There we are. Gerson. I'm over here, Laurie. Mr. Yeah? You're a skirt, though, aren't you? When you got on, I told my girlfriend, Janice, they're skirts of a man in the string bow tie. And Janice said to me, she said, every time you get on the subway, you start dreaming. Oh, really? Janice! Wave to Janice. Yes, all right. Hi, Janice. Young lady. Listen, madam, you've had him since 23rd Street. Don't be a hog. I'm going to feel silly saying it, but I'm going to say it. This man is mine. I'll put your money where your mouth is, madam. Ask him. Hey, Skatso, are you hurt? She's my wife. Well, if she is your wife, pray tell. Who are those four girls on the advertisement who are scattered beneath your piano? Well, they're models, that's all. Just girls. Well, that's all I am. Honest. Young lady. Yes, madam. Beat it. Blow. Go tell Janice she wants you. Look, madam, you might be married to him and all, but I'd like to explain the facts of life to you. The minute he got up in that advertisement, he belonged to humanity, female type. Can I fix you both ties, Skatso? Yes, go right ahead. Here's where we get off, Gerson. No, the lady just wanted... You belong to humanity, Gerson, and they're waiting for you up there. Let's hurry before the door slams in your face. Mm-hmm. You do a stunning waltz. Four-four is my favorite tempo. I'm having a lovely time. Oh, just dancing like this. Beautiful cafe, champagne. You feel a champagne? Me too. Me too. Let's go back to the table and have some more champagne. What song? What song? The song the orchestra is just playing, Tennessee Waltz. Let it be our song, huh? Yeah. Here's our table. What are you singing? Our song. That's not the Tennessee Waltz, baby. Our song goes like this. Pardon me, friend. Yes, what is it? Are you the boy that posed for that play few men? Give him your autograph, do you? Yes, sure. Now, wait. Don't bother with the pencil, friend. Just the question. Are you? Am I what? The buster who sits at the piano. See, I only ask because you wear a bow tie like him. You got a face like him. The only difference is you only got one dame and no piano. Come here. I'll tell you. Yeah? I happen to be that chap. Uh-huh. I'll tell you what chap I happen to be. Just put your hand in my pocket and feel. That's right, now. Now, take your hand out. What did you feel, Anne? A Smith-Wesson 38, snub nose series 1927. Hey, Laurie, you know what was in his pocket? A Smith-Wesson 30. What's the age of check, dear? And let's leave. Sit down, lady. I said sit down. You're him, huh, Mr.? Sure. That's all I want to know. I'll put you. Don't talk to me like that again on our screen. Well, before you do, lady, I want to tell you something. Do you know the Hudson Tunnel? Sure. We take from them all the time when we go to Jersey. Yeah. Well, you know that concrete pedestal that the policeman stands on? It's just before you hit the Jersey side. I know it very well. Do you remember it, Laurie? It's my favorite. Yeah, mine, too. That particular concrete pedestal is composed of five ingredients. Sand, cement, and three of my favorite boys. It's because they wouldn't pay any attention to me. So would you please, would you pay attention to me? We're all ears. Show up, both of you. Now let's go celebrate New Year's Eve, shall we? My way. You're listening to Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Tonight's play, The String Bowtie. Laurie? Yes, dear. Is he still there? Yes, dear. Keep walking. Come on, over to the car. Look, look, mister, why are you doing this to us? You want our money? What? Keep walking. But who are you? Why are you picking on us? 1953 is going to be a nice year, so do yourselves a favor. Live through it. All right, on the back, all of us. Come on, let's go. All right, Thomas, take us home. Yes, sir, Mr. Bailey. Mr. Yeah? It's on account of this String Bowtie, huh? It's on account of that. Hey, bust that. Me? Yeah. How come that when you stuck your hand in my pocket, you knew right away without looking that the gun was a smitten Wesson 38 snub nose series 1927? I work in an advertising agency. I wrote a slogan for it for catalog. Oh, yeah? How'd it go? Use a Smith Wesson and be sure. You know, you just happened to be the fellow who made me switch from a cold 45. I hate to louse up your testimonial, but I'd like to point a few things out to you. You're entitled. This is a very serious offense. Kidnapping us out of a nightclub, taking us to a place or places unknown and for such a flimsy reason, because my husband is on a subway card. I hate him. Me? What did I ever do to you? You'll see. Look, sir, I just happened to be a fellow named Gerson Hapson. I just happened to be a fellow named William Bailey who hates you. Where are you taking us? You'll see. Gerson? What? Say something. Make Mr. Bailey realize that he's not dealing with a cardboard personality. Make him know what's in store for him if he doesn't let us off right away. Yeah, make me do that. Go on. Mr. Bailey? Yeah. This is madness. That's all you're going to say, Gerson? Gerson, you're my man. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Bailey? Yeah. You don't think you're going to get away with this, do you? What's the big idea of holding a gun on us and marching us out of a nightclub, making us walk down the street, making us get into a long black car and driving us away? What's the big idea of that, huh? This is civilization we got going for us here, fellow. There's no place in it for the primitive, the predatory emotion. You say you hate me. I don't hate you. My wife doesn't hate you. Although the seed is there. You think the world's against you, don't you? Well, somewhere down the line, you've been tricked, Mr. Bailey. Bill, disillusioned. Oh, now, Lord, just because I posed for an ad... Hey, I know what, I'll take off the string bow tie. You touch that tie and I will break your arm. Here, here, and here. Listen, you... You... Hoodlum, renegade, malfunction. Hoodlum, you listen to me, you hoodlum. You leave my husband alone. It isn't his fault he's wearing that string bow tie. I made him put it on. Anything that's going to happen should happen to me, not him. Maybe what? A dame in a Hudson tunnel. Hmm, a dame. That'll pose quite a problem for our concrete mixer. Wonderfully knows the recipe. This floor, people. Come on. Inside. Uh-huh, you like it, huh? You must be the greatest hoodlum of them all to be able to afford this, Mr. Bailey. Well... Ernest in such beautiful taste, such exquisite decor. You ought to be proud of this place. I am, I am, and I continue this, lady. There is never going to be another place like it. Uh... The decorator. Yeah, yeah. Hudson tunnel? The one in the middle, yeah. Uh, Carolyn. Is that you, Billy? It's me, it's me. Come on out here. I got something for you. Me? You're cute. Him? He's cute. Carolyn. My, he's cute. You like him, huh? Uh, tell him to walk around. Walk? Walk? What do you mean? Listen, you, my wife wants you to walk so do it. I don't understand. I'll stick his head right in the light socket. So help me, I'll take it. Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait a minute. I'll, I'll, I'll explain it to him. Gerson, honey. The man's got a gun. He's pointing it at you. He wants you to walk. You know how that bit goes. First this foot and then that foot. Yeah. Then before, you know. Okay, okay, yeah. All right, that's enough. Come back. You know why I brought him here, Carolyn? Because you love me, Billy. Billy loves me. I brought him here so that you can see in a flash this guy that you have been moping over since you saw that advertisement in the subway. Billy's good to me. What's your name, cutie? Gerson. You see, Billy, I told you. You guessed his name was Gerson? He's cute. She. Carolyn. Carolyn, I'm talking to you. Yeah. Yeah. I want to prove to you, Carolyn, that this Gerson who sits in front of a piano on the Skitso Cologne ad, he is a Gerson like any other Gerson. He's just a guy, see? He is not somebody who every morning, noon and night, you say to me, why ain't you like him, Billy? Well, look at him. You ain't. I can see that the only way to have peace and quiet around here is to do what we come here to do. So get the bottle, Carolyn. I. You ever seen a bottle of this stuff, Gerson? Well, yeah, sure. That's Skitso, the men's cologne that me and my bow tie on the piano was supposed to quicken pulses with. It's the large economy... Have some. Now look, Mr. Bailey, Gerson just dabs that stuff behind his ears. He doesn't drink it. All right, mister. You got us up here and threw a bottle of cologne in my face. Now what do you want me to do? See that piano? Sure. Play. Sure. Then we can go? He can't play. You see, Carolyn can't even play. So? Goodbye to what? No. Who says I can't play? He plays. Sure. Well, that's good. That's fine. Great. I'm glad that you can't so we can clear this up. Listen, Gerson, you got the bow tie, you stink of Skitso, and now you go to play. There is just one thing. You quicken my wife's pulse, and you are dead. So go play. You like that? Go, go. Hey, lady. What? Please note the vein of my wife's throat. There is a trove there that wasn't there before. It's been 17 years since I have seen that trove. Why that throat? No, just take it easy, Mr. Bailey, really. Carolyn? Carolyn? He is good, isn't he, Carolyn? Good. Look at him, the way he sits there. The way he sits there. Fingers poised over. Who knows what? Strange melody. Strange melody. The talents that Gerson has. Tell me, tell me. All sorts of things. Tell your husband to turn around, because I hate to give it to folks in the back. Just one second, Mr. Bailey. Carolyn, honey. Yeah. He does all sorts of things. You think his piano playing is good. Oh, I do, I do. You ought to hear him whistle. Gerson? Just a minute. Yes, ma'am? Whistle. Whistle what? Well, I don't know anything. Our song, Gerson. Oh, yes, well, all right. You like that? The Tennessee Waltz is my favorite. That does it. You can have him. Don't you see? He's not for me anymore. What do you mean? Those two made for each other. Listen to me, Mr. Bailey. Bill. Why should I try to fight it? Or you? Why don't I just kill him? That's a good idea. Ah. Don't you see? It's the only way. Get him out of our lives once and for all. This, this, this man. This monster. This wrecker of homes. Hey, Laurie. Be quiet, you wrecker of homes. No, hey, Laurie, no way. I said, be quiet. What kind of a way is that for a lady to talk to her husband? Yeah. This man gets his face displayed in the subway. And what happens? After eight years, he's not mine anymore. He belongs to the world. Who needs him? Hey, lady, that is your husband. Yeah. Killed. And after 18 years, your life. What is it? Shambles. Get rid of him. Lady. Do it now. Lady, he's your husband. You'll be doing a good deed, Billy. That is no way to talk about your husband. Now, look, I'm older than you and I know. You hide a fellow when you talk about him like that. Yeah. Poor boy. Yeah. You're married to him, so be married to him through thick and thin. Yeah. It's the only way. We know, Carolyn and I. Yeah. Yeah. Come here, sit by me, Carolyn. Now, here by my feet. Now, where was I? Through thick and thin. Yeah. Through thick and thin. Yeah. The years come and the years go, but it is always a pleasant thing to have by your side one's helped me. Dear Billy. Thank you. Move over, honey. I want to sit by his feet, too. As one sails his ship through the great sea of life, knocked about by the storm and the strife. Let me sit down, too. Pardon me. You're second. You're settled? Uh-huh. I, uh... By the storm and the strife. Yeah, knocked about by those things. When one has a friend, one reaches calm waters. Billy. Yeah. I feel so sentimental. Me, too. Play something for us, Billy. On the piano. Oh. Go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. Well, all right. You've been taking lessons for almost a month now. Since your ad-appear, Gerson. Mm-hmm. Come on. Let's steal away some. Yeah, all right. Uh, Mr. Billy. Yeah. Bye now. Have a happy new year. Yeah, you too. Remember what I told you, lady. I'll remember. Ooh. Ah. You satisfying? Very. I saved your life. You almost got me killed, you and your ideas. I didn't want to wear this string bow tie. Yes. Bring for the elevator, dear. Mm-hmm. Well, come on, Laurie. Let's go out into the world and have us a happy new year. Can you make room for me, dearie? Oh, sure. Say, don't I know you? Oh, of course. We talked the other day. I borrowed a pencil from you to do a crossword puzzle. I know you. You're the girl who's married to that man in the string bow tie. That's right. Whatever happened to him? What do you mean? He's not up there in the ad anymore. Now, there's another gent, the man standing by a fireplace with those four hounds at his feet. That man in that ad there in mutton chop whiskers. Oh, Zoe. You like him as well as the man in the string bow tie? Oh, better, better. Look at those whiskers, dear. How would you like to run your hands through them? I have. Huh? He's my husband. Him too? What do you do with the other one? Get rid of him? New year. Oh, dearie, let me ask you something about the new one in the mutton chop whiskers. Zoe. The string bow tie starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis. Once again, Mr. and Mrs. Lewis. We'd like to thank our good friends, Sheldon Leonard and Mary Jane Croft, who came down tonight to help us start the new year and our new series by playing Mr. and Mrs. Bill Bailey. Yes, and Martha Wentworth, the lady on the subway, Vivi Janus, who helped fix my tie, and Byron Cain, who couldn't spell awk. Now, next week, Kathy? Well, just before we went into rehearsal today, we got a copy of next week's play, The Drunken Sailor. It was written for us by a very fine new radio writer, Richard Chandley. It's a spy story, exciting, and, well, you'll see. Yeah, and a week after that, a comedy about a nice girl and a bum, written for us by Richard Powell. Thank you all for listening. A very happy new year. Good night. Good night. The string bow tie was written by Morton Fine and David Friedkin. The theme for Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage was written by Ray Noble. Music for the program was composed by Fred Steiner and conducted by Lud Glaskin. Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage is transcribed and directed by Mr. Lewis. George Wall speaking. And remember, John Lund, as yours truly, Johnny Dollar brings you colorful mystery Friday nights on the CBS Radio Network.