 Welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you too can start living happier. Our website, docsknipes.com, has even more resources, videos, and handouts, and even interactive sessions with Doc Snipes to help you apply what you learn. Go to docsknipes.com to learn more. Hi, everyone, and welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes, practical tools to improve your mood and quality of life. Today we're going to be talking about 10 ways to use mindfulness to improve self-care. So the first question you might be asking is, well, what is mindfulness? Mindfulness means living in the here and now, being aware of what's going on around you at this moment, not thinking about what you've got to do five minutes from now or what you forgot to do yesterday, but what are you doing right now? How do you feel right now? Are you hungry? Are you happy? Are you sleepy? What's going on right now? When we practice mindfulness activities at the office, I'll have people go outside with me and we will spend 10 minutes outside and they will notice what they're singing. They will notice what they're smelling. They will notice how the sun feels on their skin. So mindfulness basically means being aware of how you think, how you feel, and what you need in the current moment. So how do you do mindfulness is the next step. Well, the first thing is to kind of focus. Get into your quiet place, shut out all that extraneous noise going through your head and it's like, okay, I'm going to focus on being mindful. The next thing you want to do is let go of judgment. You feel how you feel. It's kind of like watching clouds go through the sky. You wouldn't be judging the cloud for what shape it has. People don't judge yourself for the feelings that you're having or the thoughts that you're having. Just let go of judgments and observe your thoughts and feelings. Become aware of your environment. What's going on around you? Are there noises? Are there smells? What are you seeing? And just take a moment to be thankful for the experience. It may not be the greatest experience in the world, but it could be. So be thankful for the experience. If you take a moment to be mindful and you notice that you're irritable and you're tired and you're hungry, well, be thankful for that. You can fix the next moment. You can improve the next moment because when you're mindful, you take note of those things and go, oh, you know what? In order to feel better, I need to figure out what to do about whatever I'm irritable about. I need to get something to eat and maybe I need to take a little power nap. So mindfulness really helps you figure out in the moment how to improve the next moment. So if you're having a bad moment, you can improve upon that. You don't have to stay stuck in ickiness. If you're having a good moment, you can enhance it and stay in the good moments and keep staying in there. So what are some of the ways that you can use mindfulness to improve your wellness and improve your health and happiness? The first one is emotion acceptance. In our culture, a lot of times we stuff our emotions. We eat our emotions, you know, when we're sad or stressed, we eat. When we're bored, we eat. When we're happy, we eat. When we feel unpleasant emotions like anger or sadness, a lot of times we try to avoid them. We try to escape from them. We try to ignore them as much as we can instead of dealing with them. Emotions are not scary. They're nothing more than physiological reactions that tell us to do something. Maybe to repeat something that was really pleasurable or to avoid something that was scary or that was, you know, painful. Our emotions tell us to grieve things that we lose. When we grieve, when we feel depressed, when we feel a sense of loss, what it means is that something important is no longer in our life. We need to take a moment to acknowledge that and move to acceptance. Recognizing that emotions don't have to be scary things. The next step is to identify your beliefs about emotions. What do emotions mean? Are they scary? Are they uncontrollable? Do your emotions mean that you're weak? Do your emotions mean what is it that you believe about emotions? How does that impact how you deal with them? Are your emotions not worthwhile? Maybe somebody told you along the way that your feelings were overreactions or your feelings weren't worthwhile. So now you ignore your feelings or you just say, well, I've got to suck it up and move on. Instead of acknowledging this is unpleasant or this is scary and dealing with it. The next thing you want to do is identify ways that you dodge stuff or avoid your emotions. Many of us are emotional eaters. When we get upset, we tend to eat. When we're bored, we tend to eat. And it can be good things, healthy things, but more often than not, it's high calorie, high sugar, high carbohydrate, and high fat types of foods. So figure out what you do. Some people, when they have an unpleasant emotion, they do the opposite. They may start making jokes or being sarcastic. Some people get angry. Some people withdraw. Some people drink. What do you do when you feel especially the unpleasant emotions and when you start feeling happy emotions, how do you handle it? I have a friend who every time he starts feeling happy emotion is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So he starts having all this negative energy around the happiness and it kind of sucks the wind right out of it. So when you feel happy, what do you do? How do you embrace that happiness and revel in the fact that, hey, at this moment in time, I am feeling awesome. Another thing you can do when you do your mindfulness activities and you need to schedule these in, you need to figure out when you're going to practice mindfulness because it's not something that you're just going to say, I'm going to start being mindful and you're going to do right off the bat. When my clients are starting to do mindfulness, I suggest doing, practicing mindfulness at each meal because most of us eat two to three meals a day. So if you start practicing mindfulness with each meal, at least you start becoming more aware of how it feels and how you can use mindfulness and then you can start using it when you start feeling upset or anxious or not quite right. You'll start noticing when you feel not quite right. And you can stop and use your mindfulness tools to figure out what's going on. Why don't you feel quite right? And how can you improve the next moment? Anyhow, when you do your mindfulness activity, identify what emotion or emotions you are feeling. Most of the time, you're probably feeling a myriad of emotions because you've got a bunch of stuff going on. You may be happy that the day is almost over. You may be frustrated that you just got another project put on your desk. You may be a little nervous because you're going on a first date with somebody tonight. And all those feelings are kind of roaming around. That's okay. Identify them. Become aware of them and reflect upon it. And then identify what you need to do to improve the next moment. So the things that feel not so good, how can you improve upon them? And we're going to talk about some of them here. But in the next couple of podcasts, we're going to start talking about cognitive distortions and dialectics and ways you can help address your thoughts and feelings in order to improve that next moment. But as you start to become aware and start identifying how you're feeling and what you need, you're going to start learning to trust yourself more because most of the time people don't trust their own gut instincts. They don't trust their reactions or maybe they rely on them a little too much. And they don't question them. So it's important to know that a feeling is a feeling. And it's your body's way of saying there might be something to pay attention to. The next step is to use your thoughts and figure out and your self-awareness and your mindfulness and figure out if there is something that you need to be addressing. So step number two is thought awareness. Our thoughts often connect with our emotions. If you're getting ready to get on a roller coaster, for example, and you think roller coasters are awesome, you may be just filled with excitement and just ready to go. Me on the other hand, roller coasters terrify me. So when I am getting ready to get on a roller coaster, which only happened once and probably won't happen again, my thought was I am going to die. I am not meant to be going that fast. So my thoughts were negative. My thoughts were scary. My thoughts were telling me there's danger. So it created a situation where I felt anxious and scared. But the person who looks forward to roller coasters is telling themselves, this is going to be such a rush. This is awesome. They're not telling themselves the same thing. So by changing your thoughts, you can change how you feel. Becoming aware of your thoughts gives you the opportunity to dispute and change them. So when I was standing in that line for the roller coaster, yeah, I was scared. And I was telling myself, this is not cool. I'm going to die. But then I can dispute that thought and I can say in reality, how likely is it that this is really dangerous? People wouldn't be riding it. They wouldn't be licensed if this was a dangerous ride. So I was able to become aware of my thoughts and dispute them, which eventually led to me getting on the roller coaster and riding it. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't die either. You can identify the thoughts you're having with each emotion. So in the last exercise, I said, when you do your mindfulness activities, identify the emotions you're feeling. So you may feel five different emotions and that's awesome. OK, so you've got these five emotions. Now for each one, figure out why you're feeling that way. What are you telling yourself that is prompting that emotional reaction? And then review those thoughts for extreme words. So if you're saying, I never am able to do this right, then you may feel angry and distressed and frustrated. So instead of saying never, let's look for some exceptions. When you find extreme words like all or nothing or always or never, replace them with words like sometimes. That will help kind of hedge what's going on, because rarely, if ever, does something happen all the time. You know, especially when we're talking about humans, when we're talking about the seasons, yes, winter always follows fall and those things. But when we're talking about what humans do, we rarely experience something all the time. There's almost always exceptions. Review your thoughts for critical self statements. Things that you're telling yourself like, of course, you're going to fail when you do this or you don't deserve to be happy or whatever those statements are that are contributing to your anger or your depression or your anxiety. And ask yourself says who. You know, if you're telling yourself something critical that you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, nobody likes you, you'll never succeed. Who says what's the evidence for that? Who told you that? And, you know, most of the time you're not, you're either going to find somebody that told you that a long time ago about something completely unrelated. But you've got to figure out what do you believe? The next thing I want you to ask yourself, so I want you to ask yourself two things. The first thing is says who and what do you believe? And the next thing is would I even say this to anybody else? Would you tell somebody you're not worth it? I don't think you would. So why in the world do you tell yourself that? If you wouldn't say it to somebody else, if you wouldn't say it to your friend, if you wouldn't say it to your child, why in the world are you saying it to yourself? The next step in thought awareness is finding the balance or the dialectics. Dialectics means there can be two opposing forces that are equally true. You can be happy and sad at the same time. You know, in life, very often there's a lot of stuff going on and there are things that you're happy about and things that you're sad about. And you can choose which one to focus on. You can choose to focus on the sad and ignore the happy, which would make you plum miserable. You can choose to focus on the happy and ignore the sad, which is a little harder to do, some people do it. Or you can choose to deal with and embrace the sad, but also focus on the happy. And I have an entire podcast coming up in two weeks on dialectics that will help you kind of learn how to balance the both ends. You can be angry at somebody and still love them. You can hate something somebody does and still love them. So there's balance. So how can two things that seem to be contradictory, how can they be true? Number three, be mindful of your intentions. When you are doing things, sometimes you do things that create a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you're afraid that you're going to not get into a particular college or you're not going to get a job interview, then you may kind of drag your feet and not get the application in on time or make silly mistakes on it. Because somewhere in the back of your head, you want an excuse for why you didn't succeed. So you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You make sure that you don't succeed so you have something else to blame it on. So when you're doing things, be mindful of your intentions. If you're procrastinating, ask yourself, why am I procrastinating? Why am I making this harder on myself? The other thing you can do when you're looking at your intentions is remember who and what is important in your life. When you think of, these are the things that are really important in my life. And that's going to be different for different people. Some people, it's their family. Some people, it's their job. Some people, it's a little bit of everything. But who and what is important in your life? Okay, that is your happiness. That is your happy place. Now, whatever you're getting ready to do or whatever you're doing, whether it's taking a job or starting or ending a relationship or just plum being angry, is that action, is what you're doing, getting you closer to or further away from those things? For example, if you take a job because it pays really, really well, it's not a job you really want, but it pays really, really well. Well, okay, so the money's good. But is the money what's most important in your life? Does it mean maybe you're gonna be working 80 hours a week and not seeing your family? And your family is what's important in your life. So you gotta ask yourself, what are my intentions with this job? Is it getting me closer to those things, my family, that are important to me? The same thing's true with something as simple as being angry. When you get angry, it's your body's way of saying there might be a threat. You may, may need to fight or flee. The key is may and you need to use your thoughts and look at it and go, is this really a threatening situation? Is this something that requires my energy? Is there a threat to me or am I just getting kind of all in a tizzy over nothing? And then you need to ask yourself, is staying angry or getting all fired up angry? Is this helping me move towards my goals, those things and people that are important in my life or is it just draining my energy? The fourth thing you can do is develop an attitude of gratitude because in life, there are gonna be things that go wrong. There are gonna be things you don't get, there are gonna be things that make you angry, yada, yada, yada. But you know what? There are also things that are going right. So yeah, you may not be in a job you love right now or you may be arguing with your best friend or whatever it is. So there are some things that aren't going right. But what is going right? Focus on the things that are good and are awesome in your life because we all have these little hiccups hanging out there periodically. But what is going well? What is good? Focus on that attitude of gratitude. Keep a running list so you can review it periodically. You know, I get up in the morning and I go, okay, the animals made it through the night, they're healthy. I've got a roof over my head, my kids are doing well, you know, things are going okay. You know, there are things I'd like to go better, sure. But I have an attitude of gratitude. Number five, practice intentionality. So as you're learning to be more mindful, you can practice being mindful, eat mindfully. So when you're eating, focus on what you're eating, not reading the paper, not watching TV. Focus on tasting the food. Focus on noticing when you're full. Because when you eat mindfully, you're probably gonna eat more nutritionally and you're not going to overeat. Bave mindfully. Well, you know, hopefully you're bathing well anyway. But this is just a time when you can practice becoming aware. You know, notice how the water feels on your skin. Notice what the soap feels like. Notice, you know, as you get all washed and clean and all that stuff. But focus on what you're doing. You know, when I sometimes I'll come in from doing gardening and stuff and I'll be in a hurry and I won't be mindful when I'm bathing and I just get in there and I wash up really quick and I get upstairs and I realize I still have mud stuck to the back of my ankle or something because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. And yeah, it's not a huge big deal. You just get a washcloth. But if you bathe mindfully, you know, you don't have to do it a second time. You get it right the first time. Driving mindfully, that's another time when people generally let their mind wander and they're talking on the phone and doing six other things instead of paying attention to driving. Practice on your way to work and on your way home from work. Driving mindfully, not thinking about the day, not thinking about everything that happened or what you gotta do when you get home. But focus on the cars that are going by, the birds that are on the power line, the clouds that are in the sky. Focus on what's going on around you and notice and just kind of take it in. This will help you as you start, you know, you're gonna start out by practicing mindfulness at each meal and then add more intentionality in your day as you start becoming better at being more mindful with, you know, when you're eating mindfully. You're also gonna notice when you're doing these things you're gonna notice how you feel. And that's another more time that you can check in with yourself and go, am I doing good or is there something I can do to improve the next moment? Number six is practice radical acceptance. Radical acceptance means it is what it is. Don't fight it. You know, something can happen. You can get a letter in the mail that makes you angry. It is what it is. You acknowledge that I got this letter. It's really unfortunate. I'm angry about it. Okay, instead of thinking about why you should be angry or why the person shouldn't have done this just acknowledge that you're angry and then say, all right, how can I improve the next moment? What can I do about this right now in order to make my next moment better? You know, fighting with the anger and just stewing in the anger isn't going to do anything. Now it's time to problem solve. You've identified that there's a problem. Now it's time to problem solve. Number seven is find meaning. Things that happen that make us unhappy, you know, they're unpleasant, but sometimes you can find meaning in them. For example, failure means that you succeeded in learning how not to do it. And it also may mean that you got outside your comfort zone. So you learned, you expanded, you took a chance, you were brave, you find meaning in it. You can find meaning in loss. Recognizing that the loss means whatever it is may not be present in your future, but you still have the memories and all the ways that it changed you and helped you feel better, helped you be a better person or impacted you. And this can be a loss like when you, you and your best friend have a falling out when you lose a pet or even just changes like when you graduate from college, you know, that's a big change. You're losing that part of your life. You're closing that chapter. But if you think of it like writing in a book, that's a chapter. You can always go back and revisit that chapter and reread it and you always got the memories. And it has impacted you in some way. So find meaning and what was that experience or what was that person's role? What was that their purpose in your life? And, you know, they may not be there anymore. They may have served their purpose, but it's impacted you. Another way you can use mindfulness is to use imagery to help you relax. Lay down, sit down, whatever, get comfy, close your eyes if you want to or maybe just kind of stare at the window and imagine being in, you know, somewhere that's really relaxing or if you already are in one of those places like when I'm home, I'll sit in the easy chair and I'll look out at the farm. And I just focus on what I see out there, the animals, the sky, the clouds. I focus on what I'm smelling, what I'm hearing, what I'm seeing. By doing that, by getting in the present moment, I can relax because I don't have any mental space, really, to be thinking about stuff that stresses me out. And, you know, if I start to think about something that's gonna stress me out, like, you know, parts of the fence need to be replaced or whatever, I just acknowledge it and let that thought go and then I focus back on the things that make me happy, the things that help me relax, like the bluebird that's in the tree. So using imagery, like I said, it doesn't have to be, you don't have to be there. You can close your eyes and imagine that place and use all your senses. What are you feeling? What does it feel like on your skin? What's the temperature like? What are you smelling? What are you hearing? What are you smelling, hearing, feeling, tasting? You know, sometimes you may have a taste in your mouth. Use as many senses as you can to really make that image, make that mental image come alive. Practice mindful listening. Too often in our culture, we don't listen. We start to hear what somebody says, we assume we know where they're going with it and we start formulating our response before they're even finished talking. Mindful listening goes a long way to improving communication and helping people feel like they're being heard, which can reduce arguments and all kinds of stuff. Listen with the intent to hear, not to respond. And you're like, well, conversation means I've got to respond. And yeah, it does, but not right away. First, hear everything that's being said. Take it in, identify what's been said, and then take a breath, take a minute, and formulate your response instead of trying to think while that person is talking. And practice eye statements. Again, in our culture, too often we blame people. You need to do this, you did this, you didn't do this instead of saying I would like you to do this for me or I feel blah, blah, blah when you do this thing. So practicing eye statements encourages you to find your part in it. If the kids are around and I need somebody to take out the trash, I can say I would like you to take the trash out instead of you need to take out the trash because the child's gonna look at me and go, I don't really need to now, I don't, but I need them to take out the trash. So using those eye statements, take your power. It owns your power and says this is what I need right now. And it also can help you find your part in situations. Like when you come home late, I feel like you're not respecting me because you don't call or whatever the case may be, but you're stating what your part is. What are you feeling? What are you doing in this situation? As a reaction to that person's actions, they're not making you feel a certain way. You are feeling a certain way. You are choosing to feel a certain way. And we have the ability. You know, if somebody's supposed to be there at five o'clock and it's 5.30 and they're not there yet, you may start to feel anxious, but remember you have the ability to check those thoughts and go, is this really worth getting anxious about? How likely is it that the person got into a car accident or something? Probably pretty unlikely. So you can choose to hold onto that anxiety and build it up and have all these what if statements or you can choose to let it go and look for exceptions and think, you know, what are the possible reasons this person might be late? You know, maybe they got held up at work or maybe, you know, they had a flat tire that they had to change or something that's not earth-shattering. So by practicing eye statements and recognizing that other people can't make you feel anyway, you're gonna take back a lot of your energy and power and it's gonna help you start feeling happier, which, you know, benefits you all the way around. If you like this podcast, you can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, join our Facebook group at docsknipes.com slash Facebook or join our community and access additional resources, including live group chat on Thursday nights at docsknipes.com. Thanks for tuning into happiness and brain surgery with Doc Snipes. Our mission is to make practical tools for living the happiest life, affordable and accessible to everyone. We record the podcast during a Facebook live broadcast each week. Join us free at docsknipes.com slash Facebook or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast player. 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