 parenting is really really hard and I do lots of work with parents thinking about how to support children in the most difficult moments and I give loads of I think and I hope really good advice but this video is really just a reminder that parenting is tough and we don't get it right all the time and yeah like one of those honest moments that I don't get it right all the time and like you I beat myself up about it so in those moments when things go wrong and they do I think I'm the worst parent that's ever existed I doubt myself personally I doubt myself professionally I think I'm doing untold harm to my children and everything feels too difficult in that moment but you know what I'm actually a pretty good parent and so I'm sure are you we need to be a bit forgiving of ourselves of when things don't go quite right and take a time to reflect on the moments when it has gone well and if you co-parent with someone that's a lot easier because you can take a step back together and actually you can reflect on what each other is doing well and if you're on your own that can sometimes be a bit harder but it's really important that we do stop and we celebrate our small successes and we kind of notice what progress we're making but that we are just forgiving of ourselves when things don't go right so I'm really aware of the impact that kind of kind of violence and anger and things like that in the home can have on kids because I'm often working with people who are supporting really traumatized children and it's hard in those moments when everything's gone off like fireworks in your own home not to think well I will have irreversibly damaged my children in that moment but no what your children need to know is that you love them that you care that you're there unconditionally they also need to know your human and if those moments do happen if you lose your rag and you find yourself shouting at your children and being that ranty angry parent and it does happen to all of us I believe then the most helpful thing you can do is I mean in that moment we just need to get away from that moment as fast as we can and all try and find some calm get away take a time out and reflect on this later you're not going to solve anything in the heat of the moment and it's important for us to recognize that but the other thing is that if we can be courageous and brave in our parenting and we can revisit the situation the next day later on when things are calm with our child and say I handled that really badly I really shouldn't have responded with anger what I should have done is you know tried to calm the situation down or walked away or not use those words or whatever and actually say I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that next time maybe I could try X and looking at it together then suddenly you turn what was a really negative and difficult situation into a learning moment and for me that's really important because I think as long as we can learn something from a situation and we address it head on so that our children aren't left with any lingering kind of feelings of doubt or insecurity over what's happened there then actually I think we do do genuinely more good than harm and we're all learning and we're all growing and it's difficult it's difficult so I guess yeah the aim of this is to kind of reassure remind you that actually if you're doing a good job half the time you're doing a really good job and it's okay to get it wrong sometimes but if you do get it wrong learn from that work through it with your child role model apologizing and problem-solving and solution-seeking and it will help to strengthen your relationship rather than break it down as you might fear as you might guess this video comes the day after we had one of those moments in my house at home and yeah my husband counseled me through it I remembered I'm not the worst parent on earth no matter how I might have felt at the time and today's been a good parenting day so you know rough and smooth all that kind of thing good luck be forgiving of yourself and hopefully I'll see you here again another time please subscribe for new videos on Tuesdays and Fridays and let me know what you'd like by leaving comments down below