 The Mutual Broadcasting System, in cooperation with Family Theatre Incorporated, presents Laughing Into Glory, starring Vincent Price. J. Carol Nash is your host. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. Before we bring you tonight's stars and story, I want to thank everyone who has written to Family Theatre these past few weeks. Your letters, wonderful letters from all parts of the country, have been a great encouragement to us in Hollywood, because through this program we want to express a conviction that prayer, family prayer, can help keep our families together and happy. Yes, Family Theatre is dedicated to your family, to all families, and the hope that they will always be well and happy, and in the hope that your family will pray together, because a family that prays together stays together. Bishop. Oh, Tom, good morning. Glad you could come. Are your notes sounded urgent? Bad news, Bishop? No, no, quite the contrary. Sit down. Thank you, Bishop. Tom, you've always sought a great deal of the church here at Croyton, have you not? It has a fine reputation. Yes, the parish is thriving, and the parishioner's generosity is extremely gratifying. Your request for a transfer has been received, and I'm happy to say approved. You'll be officially notified next Thursday. Well, may I ask where I'm being sent, Bishop? You're being sent here, Tom. You are Croyton's new pastor. Oh, that's a great honor. Well, now, is that all you have to say? I thought you'd be delighted. Oh, yes, I am, of course, but... But what? Well, leaving Hookertown, it's... Well, Bishop, it's almost like leaving home. Yet you requested a transfer? Yes, I requested it. It was part of a bargain. I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. Well, perhaps I should start from the beginning. Seems like a long time ago. Remember when you assigned me, Bishop? Yes, quite well. You told me not to expect too much. Sometimes a new pastor is not very well received. That was an understatement. I wasn't received at all. When I walked into Hookertown that summer evening, the streets were deserted. I thought it was strange. It was hardly seven o'clock, yet there wasn't a soul to be seen. Then, suddenly, a booming baritone voice, slightly off key, shattered the silence. Quite unaccustomed to fear, but of all the most reckless of life or of limb, was Abdul Abulbul Amir. Hey, out of my way are Abashia Brainsen. Well, now, I... Step aside, I said, when I wanted a man to encourage the van, or shout hoolaloo in the rear, or to stormer a doubt they straightway sent out for Abdul Abulbul Amir. Hey, that's all right. That's fine, you know what I mean? Where'd you learn that? Oh, Abdul's an old friend of mine. He is? Oh, well, you don't say. Well, that's good, you know what I mean? Hey, wait a minute. Where did you meet Abdul? Well, that's rather a long story. You see... Well, who, who, who are you? I'm the new pastor here. Pastor? Yes. Ho-ho! Well, I'm Larry Sloan, you know what I mean? I'm very happy to meet you, Mr. Sloan. Yeah, any friend of yours is a friend of mine. How do you do? How do you do? I'm fine. Hey, you're okay. Thanks. Hey, what are you doing out? You, you, you shouldn't be outside when I'm on a toot. Everybody keeps away from me, you know what I mean? Well, I was looking for my church. Looking for the church? Ho-ho! I know where it is. We'll, we'll go find the little old church. That's what we'll do. I'd appreciate it. I saw it. I'm glad to do it. And I suppose you think I'm a littlest rep, but I suppose you think I'm drunk. Well, you're right. I'm, I'm petrified. You drink quite a bit, Mr. Sloan? Yeah, all the time. It keeps me from having hangovers. Oh, I see. But I can still find that little old church, you know? I know what you mean. What do you think of her? Well, offhand, I'd say it could do with a few repairs. Oh, well, we, we, we did fix it up once. Yeah, I used to be a stone mason. I rebuilt that back wall myself. Oh, when did you do that? Oh, about, uh, about 12 years ago. Well, I don't mean to sound impetuous, but don't you think it's about time to replace those broken bricks? Oh, that's a good idea. That's it. I'll be glad to see it when you get it finished. Ha-ha! Well, I gotta go now. So long. Oh, he could Timothy Irving play ukulele pool perform on the Spanish guitar. Oh, Sloan. In fact, quite the cream of the muscabites. Oh, Sloan. Just a moment. About that wall. Yeah? Don't you do any masonry work anymore? Uh-uh. I don't work at all. Why not? Well, it interferes with my drinking. Well, how do you live? Oh, goodbye. Goodbye. I get along fine. I mind my own business. Maybe that's what pastors ought to do. Oh, I'm sorry, Sloan. Yeah. Well, thanks for showing me the church. Good night. Good night. When they wanted a man who could offer a hand who was faithful to friend far and near. Well, there was not a doubt he was always about, was Abdul Abul Abul Amir. Hey. Hey, what was that? What? Oh, you mean that? What I was singing? Yeah. That's the sixth stanza. I never heard it before. You've never heard the sixth stanza? That's the whole key to Abdul's character. He'd get down the line for his power, sir. Never missed. Oh. Well, uh, about that wall. Yes. I might be able offer a hand. Well, now that's very gratifying, Sloan. Very gratifying indeed. Sloan arrived next morning with bricks, mortar, and a slight hangover. He said he preferred to go at the job by himself, so I decided to spend the morning in town equating myself with the villagers. The street was just coming awake. A merchant in White Apron was sweeping the sidewalk in front of his store. Oh, good morning, sir. Hmm? Oh, good morning. A fine day, isn't it? It won't be prolonged. Woke up with a back ache this morning. That means rain. Are you the proprietor of this store? I have been for 19 years. Look out. That's where I'm sweeping. Oh, I'm sorry. I'd like to introduce myself. Yes, I know. I know. You're the new pastor up at the church. Uh, stand back where you were. I have to sweep there now. Now, when did you get into town? Last evening. Think you're going to like it here? Oh, I'm sure I will. Well, I hope you're not like that last pastor you had. He was a great one for changing things. Never satisfied. Wanted to repaint the church. Put in a garden. Thought money grew on trees. But he was transferred. Transferred? That's right. My name's Cromer. Henry Comer. Oh, I'm glad to know you, Mr. Comer. Well, you might not be when you get to know me better. I'm a businessman. Conservative, practical businessman. I consider the church my responsibility and I contribute to its upkeep accordingly. But I don't like extravagance. I think the clergy ought to study a little economics. Yes. Uh, speaking of the church, Mr. Comer, I noticed last night that the roof... What's the matter with the roof? Well, it leaks what there is of it. Well, in that case, I'd suggest that you repair it. I'm afraid it's beyond repair. You see, the beams of decay... Henry, enforce them. You certainly don't want the roof caving in on your congregation, now do you? Exactly. Mr. Comer, that's why I... You will find some two-by-fours in the rear of the store. You're welcome to them. As for nails, I feel it my duty to let you have them at wholesale price. Thank you. Well, I've enjoyed talking with you. Good day. Good day, Mr. Comer. After meeting Mr. Comer, I realized that he could stand to sermon on the virtues of generosity and the joy of giving. Across the street on the same corner was another grocery, a bewhiskered gentleman standing in the doorway, motioned to me. Oh, your reverence, could I have a word with you? Why, yes, of course. My name is Michael Cain and I own this shop. I saw you talking with Comer across the street. And I feel I should warn you about the man. Warn me? Indeed, your reverence. Comer's a black-hearted tyrant with not an ounce of compassion in his warped soul. I take it you gentlemen are competitors. Competitors? I wouldn't stoop to compete with the likes of him. I run a proper price store, I do, with charge accounts. And Comer trusts no one. So if you're thinking of doing business with him, remember my warning, it'll be pay as you go. Well, Mr. Comer and I weren't discussing his store. We were talking of another matter. Oh, and what might that be? The roof of the church. It's in pretty sorry condition. Perhaps you've noticed. No, no, I can't say as I have. As a matter of fact, it looked fine the last time I saw it. We could stand a new one, Mr. Cain. A new roof? Oh, no, I wouldn't advocate that, not at all. It's not so much the money, you understand. It's, well, I better be getting back to my counter. Good day to you, reverence. Good day, Mr. Cain. Repairing the church seemed to be a pretty unpopular project. But suddenly I had an idea. So long as the two grosses were such ardent rivals, why not put this rivalry to good use? I recross the street to Comer's store. Oh, it's you again. Well, you find the two by fours all right? I haven't looked yet, Mr. Comer. I was across the street talking with Mr. Cain. Cain? Yes, I told him about the roof. And what did he have to say? Well, I suggested a new roof for the church. He didn't approve. Oh, he didn't. And how would that heathen know the needs of a church? Just let me remind you, I've lived in this parish long before Cain came to Hooker Town. Yes, Mr. Comer. If I think the church requires a new roof, it should have one. You understand? Certainly, Mr. Comer. The fact that quicker we start, the better. Now you go get an estimate on the cost and send me the bill. That's all. Good day. Good day, Mr. Comer. I was on my way back to the church when I noticed some sort of commotion going on in the street. Three youngsters had another one on the ground and were pounding his head against the curb stone with a great display of enthusiasm. Whoa, whoa there. Now let's break it up. What kind of a fight is this? Three against one. Now, wait. Hold on, boys. Hold on. All right, Naz. Take it easy. They've gone. What's this all about? There you go. Blow. What's it all about? They chase me all the time. What for? Because they hate me. Why should they hate you? Because kind of I'm adopted. What's your name, son? James. James, why? Just James. I see. You better brush yourself off. Where do you live, Jimmy? Around. That sounds like an interesting address. You might have a tough time getting your mail. Well, I better go now. Thanks. That's all right. Maybe you can do the same for me sometime. Well, so long. One minute. Huh? I'm going that way, too. Mind if I walk with you? I guess not. If you're going as far as the church, why don't you stop in at the rectory? What for? A glass of milk, Jimmy. Nice and cold. Milk? With cookies. Oh, well, I... Take another cake, if you like. Oh, thanks. Have you ever been here before? Church? Uh-uh. Oh, that's too bad. You know, I was thinking of getting some fellas together this summer for ball games. Do you like, uh, baseball, Jimmy? Oh, I sure do. You're gonna have to come to church to play ball? Not necessarily. What's your objection to church? I don't believe in God. Oh? Oh, when did you decide that? A long time ago. They said there's a God and he looks after people and he helps them out if they pray. Yeah, well, I prayed and it don't work. Well, how do you know it doesn't? Well, I'm still adopted, ain't I? I haven't got my own father and mother, have I? I see. You ask God to straighten out an adoption matter. And he don't do nothing about it. Look, Jimmy, there's a lot of folks asking favors of the Lord. They keep him pretty busy, believe me. He hears every prayer. But sometimes God doesn't answer them in the way we'd like to have him. You mean... You mean he didn't want to help me? Oh, no. I mean that perhaps God wanted you to help yourself. You see, it's this way, Jimmy. Being adopted is really a pretty wonderful thing if you stop and think it over. Now, you take the average baby that's born. His parents have to accept him sight unseen, don't they? I guess so. They want a boy and get a girl instead. There's nothing they can do about it. No way of sending back for another model. But on the other hand, you take someone who's adopted. Now, people have a chance to look him over. They can decide whether they want him or not. So when someone picks you, Jimmy, you can be sure that you're exactly what they want. That's not so. Nobody wants me. Of course they do. Tell me, who takes care of you, Jimmy? My uncle, Uncle Larry. Larry Sloan? Yeah. Oh, it's you, Sloan. And now, this is what I call a coincidence. I gotta go to town for more breaks. I got the wall hat. Jimmy, what are you doing here? Uh, nothing. I'm going now. How, how's school been, Kim? All right. Look, I'm sorry about not seeing you much lately. I, I've been sick. You've been drunk. Everybody says so. Well, maybe so, Jimmy. I was laughing at me and calling me names. All on a kind of you. I'm sorry, boy, honest. Sloan, wait a minute. Sloan! Jimmy stayed around the church with me after that. I got him a room at one of the neighbors. The weeks lengthened into months and never a word from Sloan. He had disappeared. Where? What, that was anyone's guess. Gradually, improvements were added to the church, thanks largely to the animosity existing between one Mr. Comer and one Mr. Cain. When it came time to paint the church, I presented my problem to Mr. Cain. Mr. Cain, I was just talking with Mr. Comer in regard to painting the church. It appears that Mr. Comer is dead set against it. Well, you can hardly expect a scavenger to appreciate a thing of beauty. I say paint the church, and charge it to Michael Cain. And weeks later, when a new boiler for the basement was needed, I approached Mr. Comer. Mr. Comer, I just spoke to Mr. Cain on the matter of a new boiler for the church. I'm afraid Mr. Cain is rather adamant. And I'm afraid Mr. Cain is just plain addled. Go ahead and stall your boiler. Never let it be said that Henry Comer stands in the way of progress. Well, our congregation seemed to grow with the church. And I was able now to devote more time to Jimmy. But all my efforts to help him overcome his sense of inferiority met with very little success. He avoided the other youngsters in the village at every turn. And then one day, I put him to whitewashing the fence. Some boys from school came by. I overheard the conversation from the rectory window. Well, look at James. Got to paint the fence. Oh, go on away. Well, who adopted you now? Yeah. And we're slow and drunk again. Now, why don't you beat it? Oh, why don't you make it? You better paint that wall real nice, Jamesy. You don't want to be bogged with the Bible. Hey, shut up. Jimmy. Yeah? Come over here a minute. Yeah, what do you want? I want you to keep painting that wall, Jimmy. I don't want you to leave it. Yeah, but there's some guys that... Never mind those guys. Jim, don't you know the story of Tom Sawyer? I don't think so. Well, Tom Sawyer had a problem. Just about like yours. Some fellas started rousing him while he was whitewashing the back fence. You know what he did? What? He used a little, uh, psychology. Psychology? Mm-hmm. You see, Tom figured that as long as he had to do the fence, he might as well... The boys started stopping by the church regularly after that. From there on in, it was easy. We decided to organize a club for sports and outings. We decided to start off with a football field on the lot behind Mr. Comer's store. Uh-oh. Gee, I'm sorry. I didn't think I could kick that far. All right, all right. Who broke my window? Speak up, speak up now. Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Comer. I'm afraid I'm to blame you. So, you were the one. You were the one. You were the one. Kicking a football through people's windows like a common ragamuffin. A man of your station. I can assure you it wasn't intentional, Mr. Comer. I'll assume all responsibility. Oh, is that so? And I suppose you'll assume the bill for the broken window. Well, I... Mm-hmm. Just as I thought. Since your first day in this town, you seem determined to change things to your satisfaction. I should like to make it clear to you that you are Hooker Town's servant, not its keeper. Frankly, I think you're a born troublemaker. Always have. Now, this particular incident bears me in mind. Therefore, I'm afraid that I'll be obliged to write to the bishop this week. Good day. Good day, Mr. Comer. Well, Comer didn't waste any time. Two days later, I received a letter. The bishop would appreciate my paying a call. Come in. Come in. Good morning, Bishop. Well, good morning, Tom. Sit down. Thank you. Just a minute. I... Oh, yes. Um, I have a letter here from a Mr. Comer. Yes, I thought you would. It appears that one Mr. Comer is not entirely satisfied with your presence at Hooker Town. I'm aware of that, Bishop. Mr. Comer informs me that you are continually requesting large sums of money. Oh, for church improvements, Bishop. What about the broken window? Well, just recently, I thought I might organize a boys' club. And during our football scrimmage, one of the lads happened to boot the ball through Mr. Comer's window. Must have been quite a boot. Oh, it was, Bishop. A good fifth. Hmm. How old is the boy? I'd say he was about 14. Just 14... 50 yards, you say it was? As pretty a spiral kick as you've ever seen, Bishop. Well, now that's truly a feat. Yeah. You know, kicking was one of my failings in prep school. I could get accuracy, but no distance. I remember one time... Yeah, I believe it was the Brookfield game. Yes, yes, it was. Yes, we were behind. Yeah. Yes, yes, it was. Yes, we were behind 13 to 6, and... Let me see. We were discussing... A broken window. Yes, of course, of course. Well, now as pastor of that gang of football players, what do you intend to do about this matter? Well, I can assure Mr. Comer that there will be no recurrence of this unfortunate incident. We've already decided on another vacant lot, quite some distance from Mr. Comer's establishment. Yes, that would be more fitting. And what about the cost of the window? Well, if you'll allow me time, Bishop, I'll do my very best to make restitution. Of course you will. Well, that seems to take care of everything. Just like I always say, there's nothing like a nice friendly talk to get things ironed out. I'll write a letter to Mr. Comer, you know, oil on the turbulent Perotial waters. Was there something further, Bishop? I guess not, no. Thanks very much for coming. Oh, Tom. Yes, Bishop? Stay a moment, if you please. I'd like to hear more about this lad who can kick a football 50 yards. I was late getting back to the church that night. As I started up the walk to the rectory, I heard someone behind me. Larry Sloan. I have been away. I've been doing odd jobs on the road. I made a few dollars here, take it. Well, what's this for? Well, I heard what you'd done for Jimmy, and it would swallow you to put him up. I thought maybe I could pay you back something for his keep. Oh, Jimmy, more than earns his own way, Larry. I'm glad to have him around. Oh, that's fine. How is he? He's tip-top. Wouldn't you like to see him? No. No, I've done enough to him. Just leave things be, huh? Take the dough, and I guess I'd better be hitting the road. Oh, I, uh, I almost forgot to tell you. I ain't been drinking. Ain't touched the drop since the day I left. Oh, that's fine, Larry. That's Uncle Larry. Hey, Uncle Larry. Hello, Jimmy. Yeah, where you been, Uncle Larry? Gosh, I missed you. Did you, Jimmy? Hey, um, I'm sorry about what I said that day. I don't hate you, honest I don't. I've even been praying for you. Oh, that's real nice of you. You know, there's one thing that still bothers me. It hasn't been fixed yet. About that wall, Larry. Well, I'd like to help you see, but you understand it's... Are you going back on Abdul? Abdul? I almost forgot about him. Look, really, I'm sorry. I just got a blow. That's all. Oh, you're not leaving? Yeah, yeah, Jimmy, I got a lot of things to do. Oh, now don't leave, Uncle Larry. You wouldn't want me to go through all that praying again, would you? Well, it's kind of tough to explain, kid. You see, this is where you belong, Larry. We want you to stay. Yeah, that's right, Uncle. We want you. Oh, come on. Let's go home. Home? All right, kid, let's go home. Next morning I stopped by Cain's grocery. I wasn't seeking a contribution for the church this time. This was a rather unusual request. I told him Larry Sloan's story. Would he loan Sloan enough money to start his own masonry? To which Cain replied, I most certainly would not. Sloan's a worthless tramp, and I can't see how he's ever going to change. Go see Henry Cormor. Maybe he can help you out. Which is precisely what I did. Mr. Comor's answer to my request was rather surprising. Michael Cain, for the first time in his life, is absolutely right. I wouldn't finance that drunkard for one solitary cent. Good day. Oh, just one moment, Mr. Comor. What is it? Mr. Comor, next week the spring appointments are coming out. New pastors are assigned to various churches. Others are transferred to different towns. I'm familiar with the clerical activities of the church. Well, if a pastor expressed a desire for transfer, the request would be carefully considered. Oh? Sometimes the request is granted. Very interesting. Mr. Comor, I have a slight suspicion that I've been getting in your hair. You certainly have. I lost a plate glass window for one thing, and you practically tricked me into carrying most of the parish expenses. Cain and I are getting wise to you. Yes. I knew you'd catch up with me sometime. Well, let's say I make a petition for a transfer. Cain and I would certainly appreciate it. Would you appreciate it to the extent of getting together and seeing your way clear to help Mr. Sloan financially? That's a bargain. Fine. It's a bargain. Well, there it is, Bishop, the whole story. So that's the reason you ask for a transfer. A bargain's a bargain? I see. I can understand how you must feel about Hookertown. But that chapter's over, Tom. Time to turn the page. I know. I know, but... Croyton, I wonder if I belong here. The parish is wealthy. These people... Well, they don't have the same problems. People are the same in every parish, Tom. Everyone needs the help of God. I hope I'll be worthy, Bishop. Of course you will, and you'll be happy here. Good morning. Good morning. Are you the new pastor? As of this morning, yes, sir. Well, now, this is a stroke of luck. We should have a talk. We should have a talk right now. Yes? My name is Sheridan. I am the owner and president of Sheridan's department store. Well, I'm very happy... Later, please. I should like to warn you about a certain Mr. Walker, one of our drugists here in Croyton. The man has some fool idea about installing chimes in the bell tower. Now, who is the church's foremost contributor? I have no intention of tolerating this waste of time and good money. And furthermore, I would... Oh, pardon me, just a minute. Certainly. Good morning. How do you do? You're the new pastor. That's right, sir. Well, I'm very happy to make your acquaintance. My name is Walker. The gentleman I was telling you about. Well, Sheridan, I see you didn't waste any time getting down here. If you were as fast on Sunday morning... I had no idea that the pastor would be here. I'll bet... I'll see here, Walker. Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. I'm sure we can talk this matter over sensibly. Now, about these chimes... I tell you, we don't need chimes. It's foolishness. Well, I... I appreciate your feeling in the matter. However, Mr. Sheridan, I wonder if you're familiar with the story of, uh, Abdul, uh, Bulbul, Amir? You know, while I listened to Top Man, I got to thinking. Yes, uh, I was thinking that a happy family is... Well, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. Wonderful for mother, father, and children. For the community and for the country. But everybody knows it isn't something that comes just with dreaming. It doesn't come even with planning and working hard. No, because maybe you can honestly say you've given everything to make your family happy. You dreamed, you planned, you worked hard to make your home happy. You gave it all you had. But now you feel, well, now you're afraid that your marriage is going on the rocks. You don't know what's going to happen. And you're not only scared for yourself, you're... you're especially scared because of your children. And you're thinking of calling it quits. You've decided that you tried everything and can't make a go of it. But you're wrong. You're dead wrong. Have you tried everything? Have you tried the simplest and most powerful thing? Prayer. Yes, sincere prayer. Have you tried asking God to help you when the job became too big? Too tough? He can help you. So say a prayer. And pray together with your family because a family that prays together stays together. And this is J. Carol Nash saying good night and God bless you. Before saying good night, we wish to thank Vincent Price for his performance as supple. A word of thanks also to Lou Reed for writing tonight's play and to Max Tehr for his music. Mel Williamson directed and John Ryder produced the program, portions of which were transcribed. Others who appeared in our play tonight were Ralph Moody, Herbert Lytton, Don Doolittle, Jack Nestle, Gerald Moore, David McMayon, Joel Davis, Tommy Bernard, and Tommy Cook. Next week, our Family Theater star will be William Gargan. Your host will be Dennis Morgan. This series of the Family Theater broadcast is made possible by the thousands of you who felt in need for this kind of program by the mutual broadcasting system which has responded to this need and by the actors and technicians in the production picture and radio industries. This program is heard overseas through the facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio Services. Tony Lothrano speaking. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.