 Hollywood, California, Monday, February 15th. The Lux Radio Theatre presents Jack Benny and Mary Livingston in Brewster's Millions. It presents Hollywood. Tonight our producer, Cecil B. DeMille, brings us Jack Benny and Mary Livingston, and has added attractions, two sweet-stake winners, and Willis of Hollywood's stocking designer of the stars and the Lux Radio Theatre Orchestra under the direction of Louis Silvers. So do the makers of Lux Flakes, those gentle, marvellously effective soap flakes, welcome you to another hour in Hollywood. Before we start Brewster's Millions, let me suggest to our women listeners that Lux Flakes can save you, well, if not millions of dollars, at least quite a lot of money. For example, take this experience a Massachusetts woman had with Lux Flakes. I each bought a pink silk suit at the same time. She was first a lawn to hers. When she told me how it shrunk and was almost white, well, I was discouraged and put off washing mine. At last I had to, and using Lux as I always do, I found it didn't shrink in any way, and the color hadn't changed at all. I then asked my friend what she used, and it was not Lux. Just remember, Lux Flakes are different. They are so pure and gentle that they're safe for anything that's safe in water alone. It's a waste of money to have nice dresses spoiled and washed, so always use Lux Flakes and play safe. And now the producer of the Lux Radio Theatre. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Throughout the world, people celebrate Jack Benny's birthday by sending flowers, candy and valentines to each other. That it happens to be February 14th is of course only incidental. Jack made his first entrance in Warkegan, Illinois. He also made his first audition there. At a tender age, he played the violin for the manager of the local theater. Deeply impressed, the manager gave him a job at once as doorman. When the World War broke out, Jack took a personal interest in it. He joined the Navy. To toughen him for battle, his officers asked him to play at a sailor's benefit. Jack was only a little like Nero on this occasion, but deep played the audience burned. But when he put down his fiddle and talked, they enjoyed every minute of it. Jack knew right then that while his fiddle playing was funny, his jokes were funnier. The way Jack became the husband of Mary Livingston is funny too. They were introduced by one of the four Marx brothers. The first night they met, Jack couldn't understand a word Mary said because she didn't say anything. A few months later, Mary called to see him. This time, she talked to the extent of telling him that she liked him very much. Jack married her at once before she could change her mind. The most popular comedian on the air, Jack is a record-breaking picture personality. The statisticians tell me that in his recent film College Holiday, he smoked the incredible number of 1500 cigars. I noticed Jack smoking one of the cigars a little while ago and I agree with the statisticians. They are incredible. Tonight, we hear Mr. Benny as Jack Brewster and Miss Livingston becomes Mary Gray. But we've heard enough about our stars, now let's hear from them. Ladies and gentlemen, the Lux Radio Theatre surrenders its microphones to Jack Benny and Mary Livingston in Brewster's Millions. We're in the offices of Grant and Vanderpool, attorneys at law. For months, the two senior partners have been trying to locate one Jack Brewster, who has recently fallen air to a huge fortune. At last, their efforts have been rewarded. Grant, one of the attorneys, reads from a typewritten report. Jack B Brewster, sex, male, color, white, dark complexion. Living now in New York boarding house run by Mrs. Bridget Gray, 822 West 46th Street. At the present time, Brewster is unemployed, single, evidently in desperate financial conditions. Type of regular employment unknown, but claims to be a musician. There you are. That's the detective's report. Jack B Brewster, are you sure that's the man we want? Seems to be. The middle initial must stand for Benjamin, his uncle's name. In desperate financial condition, eh? Looks like a pleasant surprise in the store for him. A cool million would be a pleasant price for anyone. A million dollars. Is that the final reckoning? Well, it's one or six, depending upon Brewster himself. If he lives up to the terms of the will, he'll inherit six million at the end of the year. Have you notified him yet? No. We'd better break it gently. Hello. Send Timothy in here, will you? I want him to run an errand. Wouldn't a letter be safer? I want Brewster here in person before he knows any of the terms. Secrecy is the essence of the will. Yes, Mr. Grant? Oh, come here, Timothy. I want you to go to 822 West 46th Street. Find a fellow by the name of Jack B. Brewster and bring him back here with you. Yes, sir. The support isn't there. Oh, he'll be there. It's his boarding house. If he's not in when you call, camp on the doorstep until he comes back. Yes, sir. I'll get him, Mr. Grant. Hello, Jack. Oh, it's you. Mary, you know you shouldn't interrupt me when I'm practicing. Gee, somebody should. Never mind that. What do you want? That man is here again. What man? You know, the fellow from the law office. He wants to see you. He says it's very important. Oh, important, eh? Well, not to me. What does he think I am? A dope? I don't know. He didn't say. Hey, listen, I've been dodging that fellow for a week and he's not going to get me now. Why don't you find out what he wants? I know what he wants. He's got a claim against me for something and probably thinks he's going to attach my assets. Well, he's got another thing coming. Yes, he thinks he can find any assets. Well, tell him I'm not here. Tell him I've moved. Tell him I'm in China. I did. Oh, you did. What did he say? He said he'd be back in 20 minutes. 20 minutes? He must have a pretty rough idea where China is. No, but he's got a pretty good idea where you are. Well, I'm wise to these lawyer's tricks. I've been dragged into court so often I'm beginning to look like exhibit A. But I get along all right. Gee, Jack, you're smart. Oh, I don't know. I don't like to brag, but I guess when it comes to money matters, I'm about as smart as the next fellow. You know, Mary, I've got ideas. Big ideas. Well, if I had 10 or $20,000 right now, I could turn it into a quarter of a million like that. A quarter of a million? Maybe half a million, maybe two million. There's no limit to what I could do. Gee, that's wonderful. Yeah. And before I forget, Mother says if you don't pay your back rent by Wednesday, you'll have to get out. There you go. It's a fine way to treat a man with big ideas and bills to match. And another thing, it's a nice attitude for your mother to take towards her future son-in-law. I'll bet $10. She doesn't want you to marry me. Fine to take her, and you got your room rent. Yeah. What does she got against me anyway? I'm honest, ain't I? And I'm hardworking, too. When I can find any work. Being broke isn't any disgrace. Are there 10 people living in this boarding house right now who owe her lots more than I do? Why does she always pick on me? You're her favorite. Oh. But don't let it worry you, Jack. I still feel the same. Do you, Mary? Of course I do. Well, that's all I need. If you have faith in me, I can lick the world. We'll get married yet. You wait and see. Sure we will. Say, Mary. Mary, remember the first time we met? Gee, that was a great day for me. I'll never forget it. I tried, and I can't either. Hmm. Then the day, Mary, the day we went to Coney Island, remember? I held your hand all the way home, and when we got inside, I put my arm around you. And you said, Mary, would you marry me? Yeah. Yeah. Gee, eight years can go fast. Eight years, eight years. You're always bringing that up. Well, it is eight years, isn't it? Well, that's not my fault. I can't help it if I can't find work. Well, don't yell at me. Who's yelling? You are. May I come in? Oh, hello, Miss Smith. Sure, come on in. Thank you. I was sitting in my room, and I thought I heard voices in here. That's funny. I didn't hear a thing. Did you, Jack? No. Oh, now, now. You were having a little fat, weren't you? Just a little one, yes. But it had possibilities. I thought so. Now, now, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Just sit right down, both of you. What for? I'm going to read you the last chapter of my new novel. It's called, Girl Meets Boy. Girl Meets Boy. Wait a minute. There is a story called Boy Meets Girl. Well, this is Girl Meets Boy. Oh, a leafier story. Anyway, it's all about a young couple just like you. It'll do you good to listen to. Now, look, Miss Smith. There's no use wasting your voice and your energy reading it to us. You ought to save your strength for reading it to the publishers. She read it to five of them already. That's enough, Mary. You said it. Now, listen, children. Girl Meets Boy by Sophie Smith, chapter 10. Chapter 10? What happened to the first nine? What's the difference? Oh. No, no. I want to start with chapter 10 because that's the reconciliation scene that brings the lovers back together. And that's what I want you to hear. Very well. Go ahead. In the gathering shadows of the midsummer twilight, Gwendolyn stood in the garden of the Indus Theodore. Oh, Gwendolyn, he murmured. Oh, Theodore, she answered. His arms stole round her waist and pressing her close, he kissed her full on the lips, a long, blistering, lingering kiss. Now we're getting someplace. So is Theodore. Mary. Go ahead, Miss Smith. Carried away by the ardor of his love, Theodore seized her in a mad embrace, flung his arms round her and crushed her closely to him. Mary, what are you laughing at? Theodore goes wild. Mary, please, it's getting interesting. Continue, Miss Smith. Oh, my sweet, he said. Who, me? Oh, pardon me. It's been so long since last we held each other in this close embrace. So long. Yes, she said, eight long years. Hey, stop, stop. Why, Mr. What are you trying to do, start some more trouble? Mary, Mary. Yes, ma. Oh, here you are. Oh, good morning, Mrs. Gray. Good morning. Do you know what time it is? I've come up here to tell you once and for all, I'm serving breakfast up to 11 o'clock. And if anyone can't come on time, then he gets slept. Come on, Jack. Lock one down. Put it on the piano still. Okay. Will you have another piece of toast, Mr. Dudley? Uh, thank you. I don't mind if I do. Miss Dawn, will you have some? No thanks. I have to watch my way to know. Don't worry, Miss Dawn. Oh, haven't you heard? I'm going to have a tryout this morning for the winter follies. Mr. Crane, the producer, is very interested in my voice. Say, I've been hearing that story for the last six months, but nothing ever happened. Is that so? Well, let me tell you, Mr. Donovan, I've been hearing about that invention of yours for the last 10 months, but I don't see anyone buying it. I've got the patent on it, ain't I? A patent on an egg holder. And it ain't an egg holder. It's a soft-boiled egg opener. A device to prevent the egg from sliding down the side of the cup. Well, now if you can keep it from sliding down your vest, I think you got something there. Yes, I was saying so the other evening. Is that so, Mr. Dudley? Yes. It's been my privilege in the past to promote the manufacture of several worthwhile articles. And I'd like to promote Mr. Donovan's invention, too, if I had the... Yes, that's what Jack needs, too. Yeah, money. The curse of modern civilization, but we've got to have it. Or if I had a couple of thousand dollars right now, I could turn it into a million like that. That's all I'd need. A few paltry thousand dollars. Paltry? Yeah. Well, if you had five dollars, you'd declare a dividend. I would, eh? Oh, Mr. Bruster? Yeah, Rosie? There's a man here from a lawyer's office. Tell him I'm not in. Mr. Bruster? Yes, Mr. Gray. I'd have you know I'm running a respectable boarding house and I'm not used to having Bill Collector sitting in me power. You go and see that man right away and get rid of him or I'll have to ask you to leave. Oh, all right. But if anything happens to me, you'll be sorry. Sorry for what? That's gratitude for the way I worry about the rent I owe. Don't push me. Are you Mr. Jack B. Bruster? Yeah, and the B is for broke. I guess that ends our little meeting right now. Mr. Bruster, I'm from Granton, Vanderpool. They want you to come to the office. Oh, both of them want to see me. A doubling up on me, eh? Now listen, you. You go back and tell Mr. Grant to tell Mr. Vanderpool that Mr. Bruster is no Mr. Sucker. I'll let that be the end of it. Well, he will, but all I can do... I don't want to hear it. If you don't come, you won't collect the money. What'd you say? The money. If you don't come with me, you won't collect it. Wait a minute. You mean, uh, you mean someone wants to give me something? Yes, sir. Who? Your uncle. He died a month ago and left a will making his soul heir. Mr. Grant, my employer, is the executive of the estate. The estate? Yes, sir. Now will you go with me? No, you'll go with me because I'll be ahead of you. Where's my hat, my coat? I don't know, sir. Now never mind. Listen, how much is this estate? Well, Mr. Brewster. Wait a minute. You better not tell me, because if it's more than 20 bucks, I'll faint. Come on. Shall I get some more water, Mr. Grant? Rub his wrist. Rub his wrist. He said he'd faint. You should have broken it gently. Mr. Brewster, Mr. Brewster, are you all right? No. Oh, good. He's coming around. Now get into the outer office, Timothy, and don't let anyone come in here for an hour. Yes, sir. Mr. Brewster, look at me. Are you all right? Uh, where am I? You're in my office, don't you remember? My name is Grant. Where's your beard? No, no, no. I'm a lawyer. Oh, that's right. I came here and you said... I said that you just inherited a million dollars and you fainted. How do you feel now? Like a million bucks. Not bad out of a sound sleeper. So good old Uncle Ned left me a fortune, eh? I always did like old Uncle Ned, lately. Mr. Brewster, I have some other news for you. Good news? Exceptionally good. But, uh, I'm a little afraid to tell you. I shouldn't want you to faint again. Don't worry, shoot. Five years ago, your grandfather died. We've just opened a codicell of his will, and we find that he also left you something. Hmm, what a parlay. Go on. Oh, Mr. Brewster, get ready now. I'm ready. Mr. Brewster, your grandfather left you in the codicell of his will the sum of exactly six million dollars. Hmm, not bad. You're not gonna faint? I don't think so. You know, they say the first million is the hardest. Well, I'm relieved. Of course, your grandfather's request has certain conditions. I knew there was a catch. I bet I'll have to earn it. What kind of conditions? Mr. Brewster, are you good at spending money? Well, I don't know. I never tried. Then let me tell you this. You will inherit the six million left by your grandfather, only and if, at the end of one year from today, you have spent the entire million left by your uncle. What? You mean all I have to do is run through this million dollars in one year, and I'll get six more? Exactly. Well, I can start out by paying my back room rent. That'll put a dent in it. They always thought there was something screwy about grandfather. Briefly, the story is this. Your grandfather hated and despised your uncle. Well, as long as they both liked me. He knew that your uncle would leave you quite a sum of money and he didn't want you to keep it. Listen, give me my uncle's million and let me out of here. I'll come back in a year with holes in my socks, if any. That's exactly what you'll have to do. Now listen to this. Before my grandson complained the six million dollars, he must spend the entire sum of money left by his uncle and appear before the executors one year from the day this is read. He must have no worldly possessions whatsoever, no cash in his pocket, no more than one suit of clothes. Well, I'm dressed for the part right now. Well, there's more, listen. Under no conditions may my grandson take anyone into his confidence. No one must know why he is spending his uncle's money, or this carousel will be invalidated and he will lose the bequest. That means I can't tell anyone, eh? Oh, you can tell them that you've inherited one million dollars. Yes, but you mustn't tell them about the rest of it. I see, go on. It must be understood by my grandson that he must under no circumstances give money away recklessly. And this is very important. Yeah. He must be and remain single. There must be no matrimonial entanglement. Wait a minute, you mean I can't get married for a year? That's what it says. Gee, what a handicap. A wife is such a help when it comes to spending money. Anyway, how am I going to explain it to Mary? That's my girl. You mustn't explain it. If you do, you don't get another penny. Well, what do you say? Are you willing to go through with it? Willing, brother, I'm ready, willing and able. Three smart boys. Well, come to the office at nine o'clock tomorrow morning and I'll have a check for you. But don't forget, you've got to spend every penny of it. Ha ha, leave it to me. A million dollars in a year where all I have to do is spend about three thousand dollars a day. Someday I'll spend six and relax a day. Hey, Mr. Brewster, good day and good luck. It sure is and was. Hmm, just think of this. This morning I didn't have a dime and now I'm a millionaire. Well, so long, Mr. Grant. So long. Oh, oh, I almost forgot. Now lend me a nickel. Well, yeah, I want to go home on the subway. Mary, will you pass the asparagus to Mr. Dudley, please? I would if there was any left. Oh, never mind. It's quite all right. Oh, by the way, Mary, where is Mr. Brewster? I haven't seen him since breakfast. Don't ask me. This is the first time he's missed a lunch in three years. I think he left the house with that lawyer. Hey, maybe they put him in the jug past the butter, will you? Oh, I hope nothing has happened to him. Maybe he'll tell a fool. What are you so worried about, Miss Dawn? Oh, I'm not worried. Mr. Brewster means nothing to me. Hmm, will you pass the bread, please, Mr. Donovan? See, I thought you was trying to keep your weight down. Ain't you getting a tryout today? She had it already. Pass her the bread. Now, greetings to you, one and all. Well, look who's here. I told you he never missed lunch. Mary, I've got some news for you and what news? Folks, you're in on this, too. But hold onto your chairs because it's going to blow the roof off. Well, what is it? Ladies and gentlemen, you are now looking at none other than Jack B. Brewster, the millionaire. The B is for big shot. B is for bottle, and that's what you've been hitting. What do you mean, bottle? I tell you, I'm in the money. I'm a millionaire. Is this on the level? Sure, it is. My uncle died and left me a million dollars. Well, congratulations. Thanks, everybody. Thanks. Well, Mrs. Gray, what do you think of me now? Pay your back, rent by Wednesday, or get out. All right, all right. You'll get your rent, and I'll get out, too. I'm moving to a park out in your penthouse tomorrow morning. So there, I want you all to come up and see me sometime. We will, tall, dark, and balmy. But I'm not going to forget my old friend, Sophie. Did you say that book of yours was finished? Yes, Mr. Brewster. Well, bring it around. I'm going to publish it for you. Are you crazy? That book has been turned down by every publisher in the country. Well, we'll set it to another country, and that's not all I'm going to do. Mike, I'm going to manufacture and market that invention of yours. Hooray! I'll show you my heart's in the right place. Dudley, you can be my business manager. I need one. You need a keeper, too. I'll get one. Oh, Mr. Brewster, how can I help you? Don't say no more. I'll start you off at $200 a week. Oh, Mr. Brewster, I think you're just the most wonderful thing. Ah, you haven't seen anything yet. You know what I'm going to do for you, Miss Dawn? I'm going to finance a new show, the biggest thing that ever hit Broadway. And you're going to play the lead in it. Oh, Mr. Brewster, this is too much. Don't worry, it won't last long. Dudley, get busy. Engage me a suite of offices in the Empire State Building. Take a whole floor. We've got to do things right. You're doing things right, all right. A year from now, you won't have a nickel. That's the idea. I mean, what's the difference? You're sending your dough like a wild man. Sure, wild Jack Brewster, that's me. Before I'm finished, I'll make Diamond Jim Brady look like Sir Harry Lauder. Mike, run outside and order me a taxi cab. Sure, Mr. Brewster. Tell him to pull up to the door and stand there until I come out. Are you leaving already? No, but I have an appointment at nine o'clock tomorrow morning and I want the cab to wait. You'll continue with Brewster's millions in a minute. Now, I'd like to take you to a pretty little home on Arden Street in Los Angeles. A young bride is upset and she's telling her friend about it. But Bob never talked that way before, Peggy. Oh, he meant it as a joke. It's no joke to say my hands look like tomatoes. My hands get red. It's because I'm washing dishes for him. Now, honey, that's no excuse. After all, a man does hate to see his wife get dishpan hands. They spoil his pride in her. Now look here. Why don't you do what I do? Wash dishes with a luxe flake. Do luxe flakes really make a difference? Oh, I'll say they do. While my hands used to get so raw and chapped, I just couldn't bear to show them. Then I began using luxe flakes. And honestly, in a week, my hands had lost that dishpan look. And now look. See how soft and white they are? Just as nice as when I got married. Any woman's hands are apt to get red and rough if exposed to harsh soaps in the dishpan. Such soaps dry the natural oils of the skin. Why risk this when, for less than a cent a day, you can use gentle luxe flakes for your dishes. Just try luxe flakes for 10 days or so. You'll never use anything else. They're so soothing. Leave your hands so soft and white. Start using luxe flakes for your breakfast dishes tomorrow. Now, back to our play, and that will be DeMille. We continue with Bruce's Millions, starring Jack Benny and Mary Livingston. Faced with the enviable task of spending a million dollars inside of a year, Jack has gone on a mad buying spree. Nothing is too much, nothing is too good. But his romance with Mary is at a complete standstill due to the conditions of the bequest. He can't marry her, nor can he tell her the reason. As our scene begins, we're in Jack's suite of offices. Mary and Dudley, the business manager, are in deep conversation. I tell you, Miss Gray, he's throwing his money around like a madman. He's run through $100,000 in the last 30 days, and what has he got to show for it? A lot of canceled checks. Exactly. Now, look at this. $710 for typewriters. How many did he get? 10, and he's hired five stenographers. Gee, they'll have to use their feet, too. Oh, Miss Gray, you've got to do something. If he keeps on at this rate, he won't have a penny to his name. And he's in the market, too. He just bought a thousand shares of stock that's headed straight for the bottom. If they sell him out, it'll cost him about $40,000. $40,000? And he's going to buy more this afternoon. It's absolutely worthless. I tried to tell him, but he won't listen to me. Well, he'll listen to me. I've got a couple of things I'd like to speak to Mr. Brewster about. Well, well, well, look who's here. Good morning, Mary. Morning, Dudley. Good morning, Mr. Brewster. There's a man waiting to see you in the outer office. I'm too busy to see him. Now, send him a check. A check? What for? I don't care. Whatever he's selling. Well, Mary, how are you? Oh, I'm all... I'll take it, Dudley. You skip along outside. Yes, sir. Excuse me, Mary. Hello? What? Yes, a thousand shares. That's right. Oh, going down, eh? We'll buy another thousand. Sure, I mean it. I'm a bull. I said I'm a bull, bull. Like in Bologna. And listen, if it goes down again, keep buying. Right. Well, Mary, how are you? Oh, I'm all... Excuse me, sir. Hello? Yes? Well, I, of course, I'll contribute to a deserving charity. What's the name of the organization? The Society for Helping Joe Dugan. I see. All right, Mr. Dugan. Come and see me in the morning. Well, Mary, how's every little... Oh, I'm all... Excuse me. Hello? Yes, that's right. I'm putting on a new show. Oh, you're an actor, eh? Now, that's fine. Would you be willing to accept 250 a week? What? You're not worth it. All right, then. I'll make it 500. Goodbye. Well, Mary, how are you? Tell me that phone, will you? Hey. Hey, what are you doing? Stop it! I'm all right, Jack. How are you? Thanks for ruling my telephone. There goes another 10 bucks. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you spend money all day. Ah, what do you mean? It's business, isn't it? You know the old saying, you got to spend it if you want to make it. Yes, and a fool and his money are soon parted. He who hesitates is lost. Now it's your turn. Look what you've been doing the last month. Running around like a wild man. And this new show you're going to open. You realize a producer lost $70,000 last year on a show like that? Ah, cheapskate. Wait till you see my flop. I mean my show. And Barbara Dawn. You seem to be getting along fine with her, don't you? What do you mean? Sending all that money for clothes and furs. You bought her three fur coats in the last two weeks. Well, that's all right. We're just building her up. What for? A polar expedition? You're not jealous now, are you, Mary? Tell us of Barbara Dawn? I should say not. Oh, Mary, don't feel like that. Barbara Dawn is nothing to me. Really, you're the... You're the only one that counts. Well, if you think so much of me, why don't you do something about it? You mean, uh, get married? Yes. I've been wearing your engagement ring so long my whole hand is turning green. Look, Mary. Mary, you've got to... You've got to trust me. I just can't get married now. Why not? Well, I... I can't tell you. You'll just have to take my word there's a very good reason. Well, will you trust me, Mary? Well... If you'll stop spending money. Oh, gee, thanks. That's swell. Oh, uh, Mr. Brewster. Yeah? Your car's down there. Oh, that's right. Come on, Mary. I've got an appointment with a man to buy a gold... Well, how do you like the new car, Mary? Only $18,000. Not bad, huh? It's all right. See, you got a trailer, too, huh? Trailer? That's the rumble seat. Hey, watch out where you're driving. Slow down. Don't worry. Everything's under control, Mary. Watch that speedometer. Hey, stop, stop! What for? We're only doing 60. I said stop. Did you hear me? Stop! Nothing to do. You'll stop. Gee, can you imagine that a cop? Don't give him any backtalk, Jack. A friend of mine got a big fine the other day for sassing a policeman. Oh, yeah? Are you sure of that? I was with him. Why? Oh, never mind. A big fine, eh? Well, well... Look out. He's coming over. Well, why do you think you're going to a fire? What's it to you, slug? Fresh guy, eh? Yeah. You want to make something out of it? Shut up. Shut up. Hey, weasel, I got a good amount of hands. You were ticketed. What do you think of that? Make it two. I have a lady with me. Hey, listen, mister. It's a $200 fine for doing 60 in this town. See? Sure. I see you dope. You think I'm blind? And I wasn't doing 60. I was doing 75. Oh, you was, eh? Yeah. In another minute, I'd have been in high. Now, listen, you... Ah, come on. Give me a ticket and scram out of here before I lose my temper. Shut up. I won't shut up. What do you think he is, anyhow? I'm a citizen of this town and a taxpayer. I'm not taking any back talk from a dumb flat foot. What do you think of that, Charlie Chan? Well, eh, I guess you're right, mister. What? Eh, maybe I was too hasty. I'm sorry. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. After all, it's folks like you who are paying my salary and I got no right to get fresh with you. Excuse me. Hey, wait. What about that $200 fine? Ah, that's all right. Forget it, mister. So long. Hey, hey! Hello? Mr. Brewster's office. Oh. Uh, Mr. Brewster, can you see Miss Dawn now? Okay, have her come in. Have her come in, please. How do we stand, Dudley? Go on with that report. Well, that's all there is, sir. Your expenses for the last... last two months total almost $300,000. $300,000 in two months. Not bad, not bad. How's that stock of mine? Going down faster than ever. Good. When it hits zero, sell. Oh, hello, Miss Dawn. Hello, Mr. Brewster. That'll be all, Dudley. Yes, sir. Well, how's the little leading lady today? Just fine. Like when you're dead? Hey, that's all right. Better get a couple of more just like it. Oh, dead. Why are you so sweet to me, dead? Oh, I just like to spend money and you've got to have clothes if you're going to be a star. You're one of my big investments, Miss Dawn. Was that all I mean to you? Investments? Well, now I... I don't believe it. You wouldn't be doing all this for me unless... unless... Now... Jack, why don't you say it? Why don't you tell me that you love me? What? You do. You know you do. Now, look, look, look here, Miss Dawn. You're making a big mistake. Perhaps, but I love you anyway. There, I've said it. No, no, I mean you're all wrong about that. I'm not wrong. I don't care what anyone says about you. I still think you're the nicest man I ever met. Oh, no. Oh, Jack, darling, I... Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Come right in. You know Miss Dawn, of course. Miss Dawn? Not see, Miss Dawn. Yeah. The one who used to live at our boarding house? I think you remember me. Yeah, I didn't recognize you for a minute behind those eyelashes. Or is it a new kind of a veil? I'll wait, Miss Mary. If you'll excuse me, Jack. I'll come back sometime when you're alone. He was alone when I came in. Oh, she wants to be alone with you, huh? What did she mean by that crack? Oh, don't pay any attention to her, Mary. Listen, do you want to come to the theater with me? I'm picking Talon for the new show. Talon? It was up to you. Garba would still be in Sweden. Oh, come on. Right this way, Miss Brewster. Okay, Gallagher, Mary, you sit next to me. We got plenty of Talon here this afternoon. Plenty and loud. Quiet, everybody. Quiet down. Well, all right. Let's see. Who's first? We are, Mr. Brewster. Who are we here for? Well, what are your names, boys? Moithy and Slade. You know those two funny guys? I'm Moithy. Yeah, he's Moithy. I guess that makes you Slade, then. Yeah, we're comedians. Ain't we Moithy? Yeah! Well, that's very funny. Let's hear your act, boys. Don't tell me there's more. Mary. Well, I come out, see. I walk across the stage. Slade comes out from the other side, and we bump into each other. We bump into each other. We make it hard. Mary. Can I see? I see. Hello, Slade. Now, wait a minute, fellas. Wait. You don't have to go any further. You're killing me. Take these fellas outside and sign them up. Take them outside and hang them up. Here's my boys. I beg your pardon, Mr. Brewster, but may I have a word with you? What is it? I don't wish to waste my time here any further. I am a tragedian. I have trod the boards as Hamlet, as Macbeth, as Othello. Have you an opening for me? Well, I... There's a manhole just outside. Quiet. See, Mr. Gallagher, tell him I said you can play prologue. I thank you. Now, who's next, folks? We are. Come on, Goldstein. Sure. How are you, Mr. Brewster? Oh, hello. You listen Goldstein, and we're writing up smash hits for singing. Songwriters, eh? Did you ever write any hit numbers? Listen, you ever hear the modern McCree, Old Man River, the St. Louis Blue? Yeah, sure. Three. We write good ones. Hey, listen, either the song will be sweet in the country by storm. Yeah, what's the name of it? My Hoot-chee-coot-chee kid. Swing it. Oh, be good for our show, I think. I got a Hoot-chee-coot-chee, baby. Done on Hoot-chee-coot-chee aisle. Promising. And is she something, believe me, Mrs. Jesus' fellow-girl in town? What's that stuff, eh? It burns me up, too. Uh, listen, Mr. Goldstein, are all your songs like that one? It's such a thing as possible. Some with a meridian bedding. It's such a thing as possible. Wait a minute. No use going any further with this talent business. Now you're getting smart. Hey, Gallagher. Yes, Mr. Brewster. Give everybody here a contract. Rehearsal start tomorrow. We should be ready to open in a month. It's such a thing as possible. Oh, Dudley. I'm sorry to bother you with this hour, but I... I've got to see you. Oh, sure. Come in. You see the opening tonight, Dudley? Yes, sir. But I... That's not what I... what I've come to talk about. Say, you look worried. What's the matter? Mr. Brewster, I... I've got a confession for me. At two o'clock in the morning? Yes, sir. I couldn't sleep. It's been on my mind for a week, and I... I can't bear it any longer. Wait. Here. Here. Mr. Brewster? I... I'm a thief. A thief? A swindler. An embezzler. I've stolen money from you, gambled with it on the market. I thought the stock would go up, but it didn't. And now I... I've come to confess. Oh, do what you want with me. I don't care. I know good. I see. What... what stock did you buy? American timber. How much did you lose? $22,000. That's loyal for you. You get a hot thing like that, and you don't let me in on it. What? Take another $10,000. Buy some more. You mean... you mean you're not going to send me to prison? Of course now. That isn't lit. Not unless the stock goes up. But I'll pay it back. I swear I'll with every penny... I don't want it back. But I want to give it to you. $22,000. I said I don't want it. Now listen, have you seen the newspaper account of my new show? I know. Well, get this. It's practically certain that Playboy Brewster, that's me, has backed the biggest flop ever seen on Broadway. Before it is withdrawn, it will probably cost him over $200,000 there. And you come around with your palky $22,000. Get out of here. Here you are, Mr. Brewster. Here are the latest reports. Let me see. Oh, this is awful. Awful? Mr. Brewster, what's wrong? That gold mine I bought. Look, they struck gold. Struck gold? Why, that's wonderful. Dudley, you got to sell that mine to you here and sell it cheap. Cheap? It's worth a fortune. That's the whole trouble. For eight months, I've been working with you and now look what happens. I've started to make money. Answer that. Hello? Yes? Yes, he's here. Who? Oh, one moment, please. Who is it? It's Hollywood calling. Mr. Rosenblatt of Super Super Sound Pictures. Oh, for Brewster. What does he want? Hello? Yes, Jack Brewster. What? You want to buy the rights to my show? Are you crazy? My show is a flop, the biggest flop in years. Oh, I see. You like to buy flops, because they're cheaper. Well, I won't sell. No, I don't want to check for $50,000. Goodbye. Oh, this is terrible. What am I going to do? Quiet, Mr. Brewster. I don't understand. Shut up. I got to think something. I... What can I do to... Wait a minute. Wait. I've got an idea. Yes, sir? Dudley, go out and buy me a yacht. A what? A yacht, a big one. Hire me a crew and invite all my friends. Oh, I want a crowd. We're going on a three-month cruise. Skipper, where did you say we were? About 30 miles off the coast of Virginia, Miss Gray. Is that all? You mean we've been selling around out here for six weeks and we're only that far? We've been going in circles. I heard Mr. Brewster give the audit. I advised him to turn around and head for Port yesterday, but he won't do it. Head for Port? What port? The barometer's falling fast. We're in for a heavy storm. A storm? Holy smoke. I can't understand, Mr. Brewster. I asked him why he wanted to run the risk of making money on shore. I think he's going batty. Where is he now? He's forward with Miss Dawn. Oh, he is, eh? I've suspected that for a long time. I mean, he's in the four part of the boat. He and Miss Dawn are making plans to produce another show. What? Another show, eh? Wait here, folks. I'll tell him a thing or two. Hey, you see Miss Dawn, I figure the valley alone will cost about $70,000. Oh, that's wonderful. Mm, you know, I think there's a storm approaching. You said it, fathead. I want to speak to you. Oh, a tornado, eh? Hello, Mary. What's the idea putting on another show? Didn't the last one cost you enough? Not quite. You see, uh... Pardon me. I'm not wanted here. I'll leave. You got something there. Goodbye. Now listen, Mary. You listen to me. I'm sick and tired of the way you're throwing money around. And I'm sick and tired of waiting for you to make up your mind about getting married. Oh, why are you getting excited? Excited? I don't want a honeymoon on the Townsend plan. Mary, look it. I asked just two months. What are you talking about? Oh, man, I can't explain it now, but the show will cost about a quarter of a million. That's exactly what I have to get rid of. Oh, don't ask me. All right. But listen to this. If you throw another penny away on a new show or any other crazy idea, we're through. Washed up. Oh, Mary. I mean it. If you do one more crazy stunt, I'll never look at you again. Mr. Brewster. Mr. Brewster. Mr. Brewster. What do you want, Skipper? We've got to turn around and hit reports, sir. Not to. If we don't start now, we'll have to be assisted by the Margerillo. She's standing by to help us. Oh, I don't care. Do what you want. Yes, sir. But if the Margerillo assists us, she'll get salvage value. The whole boat will belong to the owners of the Margerillo. What? It's maritime law. You'll lose a quarter of a million dollars. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you sure of that? Yes, sir. Oh, put out the sea. What? Are you crazy? Yes, sir. Put out the sea and notify the Margerillo. We need assistance. Tell her we'll give her salvage rights for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. This is Kay and Ex-Wisangelus, The Voice of Hollywood. After getting rid of a million dollars, we think Jack Benny Brewster and Mary Gray Livingston are entitled to a little rest. So before continuing our play, we bring you another couple who also find themselves the possessors of sudden wealth. As the result of a two-and-a-half dollar investment in the Irish sweepstakes, Marjorie Wood and Norbert Janssen of Los Angeles have just received 50,000 dollars. I've asked them here to tell us what it's like to get pennies from heaven. Ladies and gentlemen, Marjorie Wood and Norbert Janssen. First, what are you going to do with the money? We put it in the bank. In a joint account? Well, not exactly, Mr. Mills. You see, we figured if we could win 50,000 dollars, then anything might happen between now and April. Then we expect to get married. We decided not to take any chances. What do you do for a living, Bert? Well, I'm a painter. Portraits or landscapes? Neither. He paints hot water heaters. And you? Well, I used to work in a nice cream parlor, but I'd been taking it kind of easy ever since the money came along. In our play tonight, Jack Benny fainted when he found a fortune in his left. How did you take the shock? Well, we were both eating lunch over at Marjorie's house, but it hurt that our horse had been drawn. But what did you do? What did you say? We just looked at each other and Norbert said, say, I sure would like another piece of apple pie. The first thing we're going to do is buy a car so we can go on our honeymoon. We've never seen New York, and I sure wouldn't, and if we aren't scrapping by that time, I guess we'll all go down to Florida. But first, I want to see Niagara Falls. And when we get back, I'm going to keep on painting hot water heaters and Marjorie can run the house. And believe me, we're not going to have any maids either. I'll earn plenty in my life about being 50 and careful, and I'm going right on being just the same way. Because this is a luxe program, Mr. Denil, I'd like to say to you one of the things that has helped me a lot in being 50 has been to take care of my silk stockings and other nice things by washing them in luxe flakes. I'll continue to use them. That's sound advice for every housewife. And now just one more question. Why do you suppose fate picked you two to win that $50,000? Well, I don't know, except maybe it was because I was born on Friday, April the 13th, 1913. And you, Miss Wood? I wished I could be original, but I can't. I was born on Friday, April the 13th, 1932. Why don't you get married on April the 13th? And let's hope your luck continues. Thank you both for coming here. Goodbye, Mr. Denil. Don't leave till you see what happens to Brewster. And now Brewster's Million, starring Jack Benny and Mary Livingston. It's the morning of the last day, the day on which Jack has to be completely broke if he's to inherit his grandfather's $6 million. In his hotel room, he's talking to Grant, the lawyer. So he really broke, eh, Mr. Brewster? Bless him, Mr. Grant. I'm so broke that, well, I haven't eaten in a week. If I pull my belt in one more notch, I'll look like an hourglass. What about possessions? Do you own anything? Not a thing. I lost my boat, I sold my furniture. I owed two months hotel and office rent. The holes in my socks were any bigger. I could use them for garters. Now you seem to have complied with all the conditions of the will. Of course, it's not 12 o'clock noon yet. I know it. That's why I'm hiding out. Believe me, I've had a tough time, Mr. Grant. Everything I touch turned to gold, except Mary's ring. Oh, it is all right. Of course, I lost my girl. You mean Miss Grave? Yeah. She got sore at me for spending so much and walked out. I haven't seen her for two months. Oh, well, those things happen, Mr. Brewster. Like I always say, that's life. Did you make that up yourself? Anyway, Mr. Grant, I don't feel too happy about it. Well, maybe when she finds out the real reason why you were spending your money, she'll forgive you. Maybe. That's why I want her to be in the office when you hand over the money. And I've asked the whole crowd to show up. I'll be delighted to explain it to her. Well, it's time I left, Mr. Brewster. I'll see you at exactly 12 noon. That's right at the office. Until that time, don't take any nickels, wooden or otherwise. I could have used you on my show. Yes, this is Mr. Brewster's office. No, he ain't here. Yeah. Well, I want to see him, too. He owes me 13-week salary. Say, do you know a good lawyer? I want to bring a suit against that guy myself. Yeah, here, put down that phone. It's a fine thing you're doing, asking for a lawyer so you can sue your own boss. That's loyalty, that is. Aw, dry up. What about my back salary? I only owe you 13-weeks. You're not superstitious, are you? You'll get your back salary as soon as I get what's coming to me. And I hope it's soon. I'll remember that remark, Miss Higgins, when it's time for bonuses. Anybody arrive yet? Yeah, they're inside. Hey, where is that guy? Oh, here he are. Oh, hello, Mary. Gee, it's good to see you again. Yeah. Well, I didn't come because I wanted to. Mr. Douglas dragged me. I didn't ever want to see you again. Oh, gee. Don't talk like that, Mary. I'm... I'm crazy about you. No fooling. Don't mind me, folks. I don't work here anymore. You may go, Miss Higgins. Sure. Mary. Mary, let me look at you. Gee, you look swell. Thanks. If you look better, I'd return the compliments. Well, I've been on a sort of a diet. Haven't eaten much of anything for a week. You know, life has its ups and downs, Mary. Sometimes you're on top. Sometimes you hit the bottom. You must have landed with an awful stud. Well, I... You're broke, eh? Well, sort of. In other words, you're right back where you were nine years ago. No money, no job. That's right. Only this time, I haven't even got a girl. What happened to that dawn, Dame? Oh, Mary, she meant nothing to me. Only three fur coats a week. I wish I had the lining of one for a suit. Oh, well, I don't want to talk about her. Look, Mary, do you think that... I mean, would it be possible... Oh, you probably won't believe me anyway. Probably not. Mary, I've been a fool. I'll be a different guy. Wait till you see. You mean you'll really reform? From now on, you won't know it's the same fellow. I'll let you be the boy. She can even handle the cash. That'll be easy enough. What do you say, Mary? Is it a go? I mean, can we start all over again? Well... Oh, come on. You promise you won't pull any more crazy stunts? Cross my heart. I'll never spend a dime unless you okay it. All right, Jack. It's a go. Oh, gee, Mary. Some fun, eh? Yeah. Come on. We better join the others. They're waiting for you. That's right. I forgot. Where are they in here? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not even hungry now. Hello, folks. Oh, there he is. Say, Mr. Bruce. We've been anxious. Hey, folks. One at a time. Ladies and gentlemen, I've asked you here today for a very special reason. I'm not at liberty to tell you what it's all about, but as soon as the clock strikes 12, I'm going to hand you all a big surprise. During the last year, you have all seen me under very trying conditions. Needless to say, I had good reason for my actions, but now everything has turned out fine. In the first place, I am completely broke. But never mind that, it's all part of the plan. What's the big surprise, Jack? You'll see, Mary. Well, while we're waiting, I have a little surprise, too. You, Mr. Doddlin? Yes, ma'am. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Brewster once did a very fine thing for me, and I've never forgotten it. To show him that my heart's in the right place and to prove my gratitude, I take pleasure in returning to him his $22,000. What? Here you are, Mr. Brewster. Put it away! Put it away! I promise to pay it back. Who asked you? Get rid of her. Jack, Jack, you take that. No, no, no. Listen, I don't want it. I can't take it. I don't know what he's talking about. Remember what I said, Jack. Open the window. That's crazy. Now give me that money. There. That settles that. Holy mackerel, he threw $22,000 out the window. And that's not ticker tape. Jack, this is the end. Mary, Mary, I had to do it. Don't speak to me now, but you promised to do it. Mary, listen. No. That guy's off his nut. Good afternoon, Mr. Brewster. Oh, come in, Mr. Grant. Mary, don't leave. Please, sit down, Mr. Grant. Thank you. Well, Mr. Brewster, it's exactly 12 noon. Have you changed your financial status? Mr. Grant, I'm twice as broke as ever before. Good. Then I take pleasure in presenting you with this check for $6 million. Here you are. It's a cash. No, it isn't, Mary. I'm rich. I don't get this. Well, Mary, look. Now, let me explain. I had to spend my uncle's million in a year so I could get the $6 million left by my grandfather. It's all mine, Mary. Every penny of it. Just a minute. I don't understand this yet, but don't forget our agreement. I handle the cash. That's my love. Are you happy, Mary? Oh, Jack, it's wonderful. From now on, you can have anything you want. Anything? Yeah. You mean it? Of course I do. Well, let's run out and get a hamburger. I'm starved. Okay, and the treat's on me. Brewster gets his millions. Mary gets Brewster, and we get a promise from Jack, Benny, and Mary Livingstone that after a little time out, they'll be back with us for a bit of Benny Banta. Willys of Hollywood is not a term referring to the jitters of the film capital. Willys is really William Monshine, the man who sheaves the handsome legs of many Hollywood stars in silk stockings. His rise is one from canvas to silk, for Willys started his career as an amateur prize fighter, winning 60 out of 85 bouts by knockouts. But then silk stockings caught his eye, and he's been designing them ever since. For motion pictures and such Broadway shows as Earl Carroll's Vanities. Ladies and gentlemen, Willys of Hollywood. Thank you. A woman's vanity can be blamed for a lot of things, ladies and gentlemen, but not for silk stockings, for there's none other than King Henry VIII who first exhibited the fatteth calf in silk. His daughter, Queen Elizabeth, was the first woman to wear silk stockings. Her first pair were two months in the making. Now you tell us about the stocking feet of Hollywood's Royal Day. Right now, many of the stars are wearing sandal stockings. Those that have neither tone nor heel. This is the type that now graces the international famous legs of Marlene Dietrich. Lily Ponds wears them afternoon and evening. Grace Moore prefers them, and so does Greta Garbo. Miss Garbo is frequently accused of large feet, but I assure you she wears the same size stocking as the average woman, nine and a half. Ginger Rogers is very fond of iridescent stockings. Gene Hollow invariably wears nets, mesh holes for both street and formal dress. This may be a little shock to the husbands in our audience, but didn't you tell me that a woman should have 20 pairs of stockings? That's quite true, but they'll last a full year properly cared for. Here's the advice I give to motion picture wardrobe directors here in Hollywood. When you use Lux Flakes, you preserve the elasticity of silk, stockings fit better and wear longer. You should never soak stockings or rub them. Just dip them into Lux Suds that'll look warm or cool. Then rinse in almost cool water. After this, you can roll them in a Turkish towel to take out the moisture. Then shape them a bit and dry away from heat. Never dry stockings on a radiator. Here are some tips about selecting the right stockings. If you're a little on the heavy side, you'll find out stockings with clocks or net stockings with perpendicular lines for slenderized white calves and ankles. If your legs are a bit too thin, get stockings with a very low heel. I hope I've been of some help. Thank you. Good night, Willys of Hollywood. According to the clock, it's now time for tonight's star to make a second entrance. I welcome her with a bouquet of freshly plucked congratulations. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Mary Livingston. Thank you, Mr. DeMille, and I'd like to tell you what a grand program I think the Lux Radio Theater is, especially tonight. And I'm sure that goes for my assistant, too. Assistant? Come in. Miss Livingston? Yes? I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you health. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry, but I was just about to interview our star, Miss Livingston. Oh, I thought maybe you'd like to hear me play the B on my violin. So, millions of other people, but we don't believe you own a violin and we don't believe you can play one. It's just an obsession that's gone to your head. Yeah, he's got a B in his bonnet. Yeah? Is that DeMille or Fred Allen? Say, uh, Mr. DeMille... Mr. DeMille... You, uh, you directed the picture of the Plainsman. Yes, I did. Did you see it? Yes, and I want to tell you how good I thought it could be. Uh, nice photography, swell story. I thought Gene Arthur was terrific. You know, uh, Gary Cooper was in it, too. Oh, yes, that's what I wanted to speak to you about. Of course, you know, Gary and I are both working for Paramount Studio, and I... I don't want to say anything out of the way, but, uh, look, Mr. DeMille, you know, I do that outdoor stuff myself. Uh, you've heard of me, Buck Benny, you think? Yes, yes, I... I can't understand how you've overlooked me. I see you in the commissary all the time. Oh, do you eat in there? Yes, that's in my contract. In car fare. What? What about your salary? They're coming to that. Yes, if you ever make another picture of that type, please don't forget me. Thank you, I will. You're welcome. Well, Jack, tell me, doesn't this kind of a broadcast make you a little nervous? Well, now that it's all over, Mr. DeMille, I will admit I was. Of course, on our own half-hour shows, I generally give my all. On the show, I just had to give twice of myself. You were good too, Mary, and tonight I'm going to pay you for working with me. What are you laughing at? I just thought of something very funny. All right, what is it? This is my lucky day. Remember our own product, Mary. Jack, Jack, I want to thank you and Mary for coming up here tonight. Maybe you can't play the B, but you can play Brewster like a million dollars. You sent it all in one year, six million. Thanks, Mr. DeMille, for letting me be an actor. Thank you, Mr. DeMille. Oh, Mr. DeMille, don't forget that little thing we discussed. You know, the hint I dropped. Remember, I'm the Cooper type. Yes, Jackie. Jackie Cooper, goodbye. Thank you, Jack Benny and Mary Livingston. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your announcer, Melville Rui. There's a rare dramatic thrill awaiting us next week, and Mr. DeMille tells us about it in just a moment. Our cast included Crawford Kent as Mr. Grant, Fred Herrington as Mr. Vanderpool, Lee Millar as Mr. Dudley, Margaret Brayton as Barbara Dawn, Helena Grant as Sophie Smith, Helen Kears as Mrs. Gray, John Gibson as Mike Donovan, Hal K. Dawson as Mr. Murphy, Eddie Kane as Slade, Lionel Belmore as Trigidian, Ross Forrester as Gillis, Abe Reynolds as Goldstone, Ines Seabury as Secretary, Lou Merrill as Skipper, Melville as Police Officer, and Frank Nelson as Stage Manager. The play, Brewster's Millions, is by Winchell Smith and Byron Ongley, dramatized from the novel by George Barr McCutcheon. Jack Benny and Mary Livingston appeared through courtesy of General Foods, the makers of Jell-O, Mr. DeMille Paramount, and Mr. Silver's 20th Century Fox, where he was in charge of music for the new film, Love is News. And now, Mr. DeMille. Next Monday night, the Lux Radio Theatre, calls in crossbones to our masks and lift anchor on what I consider the most thrilling and romantic drama ever to have come from the pen of that master of adventure, Raphael Sabatini. Our play, Captain Blood, and our stars, the same splendid four who made the motion picture such a memorable event on the modern screen. Ladies and gentlemen, Errol Flynn, Olivia DeHavilland, Basil Rathbone, and Henry Stevenson. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night, when the Lux Radio Theatre takes us back to the days of cutthroats and cutlisters, in presenting Errol Flynn and Olivia DeHavilland in Captain Blood, with Basil Rathbone, Henry Stevenson, and Donald Christ. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying goodnight to you from Hollywood. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.