 So, yeah, I just was non-compliant mostly with whatever their orders were and it didn't, you know, then you're going to be penalized more. And what happened, the result was, I think after a while they just kind of threw their hands up and like, I don't know what to do with this kid. So were you just a terror kind of? No, I was unfocused and, you know, so I wouldn't necessarily to what they wanted. And then that was very frustrating to them. Now, my mother, you know, your mother must have had kids every 10 seconds. My mother had won the first... Ten kids, 16 years. Beat it. Beat it. I challenge you. I can't. My mom had six kids over... What is it? 15 years, 10 years? But it's interesting, the Catholics will say, and two miscarriages. So I got a text from my mom yesterday. I'll just read you what came up on my side, just in terms of how weirdly macabre kind of older Midwestern women are. I'm off to a funeral. Anyhow, you're saying... Yeah, I don't... That's it. Yep, I'm off to... Yeah, it's something about my niece and nephews. Anyhow, off to a funeral. At her age, my mom can go... Whenever she sees a funeral, she can go and she'll probably know the... Do you know what I mean? Like, there's so few people their age where it's like, yeah, I'll probably... It's like a club promoter. Yeah. Going to a club. Like, I'll probably know one of the other promoters or something. Perfect. So my mother had three kids in the first three years of their marriage and it was overwhelming. My oldest brother had got very sick. He had appendicitis and so he had a really high fever and the doctors told her that that's going to impair him. And so she focused on my brother, like, intensely. Like, this is... I don't know, because it's her first, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. That seems to be the way. Yeah. My understanding is that she was very unhappy. So she'd moved from her small hometown near North Kansas City to this other small town in the Midwest and apparently not fond of her in-laws and she was surrounded by them. So I imagine she felt quite trapped. And then one, two, three, she has kids in three years, overwhelming. Again, no help. What did you tell me as your father was a three-pump chump? That what you're telling me? Probably. Bang, bang, bang. And then my father was working 60 hours a week because he'd started a new business and she was doing the bookkeeping and did the bookkeeping with six kids all these years. And she would also iron clothe. Things you think about, like, how did you do that? But then if you have a narrow channel of responsibilities, this, this, and this, make food, do the laundry, do the books, I guess, right? Because in our world, it is... It's running the... Level five rapids all the time. Yeah. And pretending you're going to put up a sale. That's the goal. I'm going to sale these rapids. Well, you don't sale rapids. Well, I'm going to try. Because that's the only way to really achieve success. Because somewhere out there is the serene waters where someone picks up your boat and you don't even have to do anything except walk around and lounge. And then your art goes away. But that's for another podcast. That's another podcast. But so I think by the time I came along, I was very different. And again, I haven't asked my sisters what... I wonder if I was a particularly fussy baby. Because I don't feel like we ever attached. You and your old lady? Yeah, yeah. I felt like we were like, ah, we're a miss. And so that's the way it was. And so for me, by the time I was in sixth grade, I was done. I made the decision, I'm leaving. You guys can do what you're going to do, but I've got to cut. When I was 10 years old, I distinctly remember walking around the west side of my house when I was 10 alone, feeling the way George Orwell did. And just that desolation of loneliness. I'm just like, I'm leaving. Also, you were aware of the west side of your house at 10 years old? I knew that's what, yeah. That's just, yes. You're seeing the orientation of a man's brain right now. I've literally never heard a human being describe their childhood house as I was on the west side, other than like the White House. Well, I was outside. I was walking around by myself outside, collecting my thoughts. It's no better. Okay. But anyway, I remember thinking distinctly, I have to leave. I'm going to miss my family and friends, but I have to go. And this wasn't the childhood, feckless weapon of the threat of running away? No, no. Without a hollow threat. No, no. It was like, oh, it was a decision. I can't, yes, I, yes. All I knew was I have to live in a city. So I grew up on a tent of 2,000 people. And I recognized early, it was like, no one's like me here. I just, I'm just, I'm here, I'm doing whatever, but just this isn't my place. I have to go. And so, yeah, that decision was made very early. And I remember not feeling emotionally torn, like, oh, I'm going to miss the family. Yeah, I very much agree. My brothers and sisters were great, like routinely, like take me places. Great. I went to, I used to go to the Chicago, my brother was an usher, an Andy Frane usher in Chicago. So I used to go to the Chicago stadium. When I tell you I've been to a hunt, I went to a hundred games at the Chicago Bulls and Blackhawks. I went to a Bulls game. How old are you, Neil? I'm so old. I saw someone mistake Michael Jordan for Orlando Woolridge. That's how old I am. Someone little white girl goes, are you Orlando Woolridge? And I remember Michael Jordan being like, no, like, what? I really swear. I feel like it's one of the last times it happened to him. But in Cubs games, probably a hundred cut, like, wow. And then when I was in high school, my brother Kevin took me to comedy shows in New York. And like, so I'm very grateful to them. But I also remember distinctly being like, I got to get the fuck out of here from the emotional tenor my parents were setting. Yeah, it was interesting. There was a guy who was he was a child of he was a child of my parents closest friends and that they didn't live in town. And they came to visit. And he told me recently, he said that he said I was four or five or something like that. And we're outside playing hide and seek. And I think he said he was eight. And he was like, I guess impressed with me in such a way as like, this kid must be adopted because he's so much smarter than the rest of these kids and so much different. Like, he's not part of this family. So it was such and this just happened a year ago that I was, he told me this is like, oh, there's fucking validation right there for me. The guy remembered it. Yeah, he told me that. Yeah, that's so must have been so gratifying. Oh, yeah. I was like, Oh, hey, hey, everybody. I mean, a lot of show businesses, I knew it. Yeah, that's true. A lot of show businesses is like, I had a suspicion that I was weird and something like a little something I just knew it was something that I should move to Chicago. You ever read Bob Dylan's autobiography where he said, and I don't feel this way, but he said, I feel like I was born into the wrong family. I think a lot of people, I have not heard that one, but I think a lot of people probably felt that way. But I don't you feel also that can they write songs, right? Here, the other thing is it was necessary for us to become who we are. And so I have to be grateful for that. Had I grown up in a city, I might have been quite happy to then do something else. But like that desperation of I've got to find my expression. And then it becomes through this other means. And I'll bring this back to the ADD thing and how it manifests in my life, because ADD, plus what we call ADD or ADHD is what that's a gun. Well, what kind of gun? A gun, don't worry about it. I don't know why gun came up with shotgun. And each one of these pellets is a different definition of what ADD is, right? And why does it particularly go that way? And then they try to treat it with medication. That's fucking not to be controversial, but come on. Seriously, I don't know. But it just there are ways to certainly guide it. Yeah. And you know, recognize it and then try to do something with it. It's like dyslexia. I'm shocked that it's still so overlooked and misdiagnosed. My brother, as it turned out, severely dyslexic and they never knew. And so my mother was always very worried that something's wrong here, right? Is this the oldest brother? Yeah. What was the diagnosis on him? Well, they said that because he'd had a high fever, it's going to have a, you know, he's going to have a lessened brain function. Oh, got it. Right. And that never happened. Yeah. He went on to run my dad's business, right? Took him right into the ground. Go ahead. No, no, no. He did well with it. But yes, but her focus on that rather than the rest of us, my sister had once told me that her mother, her mother. It said, I don't know how you and. Will, will you just put wow? Have wow come up behind them? She said, I don't know how you and Mary Rose, I don't know how you and David learned your ABCs because I was so focused on Mark, which tells me what I knew, which was like, oh, I was just alone. Which in one way, isn't that what you want? Like, leave me the F alone. But the, the other thing I always, instead of writing that blank sheet of paper, I've always equated it to the wrong software. Like, you've got your mainframe. There it is. Now, all the wires are just out here and it's up to you to plug them in and build your own software. But no, no, you're given, you're going to run this software, which is called Catholicism, right? And everything it means. And there is no other software you're also good luck. We're truly the best of luck trying to put new software on when you've installed. It's, it's like, it's like when you two put their album on the iPhone and you couldn't delete it, that's what Catholicism is. True. It's like, yo, is there, I mean, every you ever it informs your logic. You're, I mean, it, there is a level of morality to Catholicism that I find worthwhile. None of them follow it. Well, it's ironic. Yeah. But it's like, not wrong. I don't think it's wrong. I don't think the 10 Commandments are wrong, especially the stuff about donkeys. I find it especially relevant. So, so I, I completely hear you. And you're also ingesting your parents frame, right? And their experience. Yeah. And the way things have to be. Yes. And I can only assume that for generations, everyone just went along with this failed system. See, I started working for my dad when I was seven years old in a manufacturing plant. He owned a. You're working the smelter. But kind of, you're near, you're, you're near some adult contraption that can kill you. People, some of the machines I worked with, people had lost fingers and thumbs. I'm not kidding you. That's what it was like. Yes. It was, I have some jokes about it. It was so disorganized. You can't, you can't believe it. I was seven and made to work after school every day for five cents an hour. And my dad was like, I'm overpaid at that price. Oh, what's this? You know, as big as you spend this bubblegum. And in my mind, I would think, of course, I wouldn't correct him. You don't let me buy bubblegum. It's not like, oh, I got bubblegum money. Yeah. Like it was relegated all the way down to like, I wouldn't, I wasn't allowed to buy a mad magazine. Like that's too risqué. You know, I couldn't go down to Hex Drug Store and just buy a comic book. This is in the 30s? Right? Yeah. I remember my parents threatening me with military school around 13. And my thought was, oh, please send me. Just get me the fuck out of here. This does not work. Yeah. Because I thought to myself, good, because when I go to military school, I'm going to learn to play guitar. And I'm probably going to be a rock star. So just so you know, just so you know, that's how it's going to get out. There's going to be nothing but excellence coming back. Yeah. Well, I mean, which is also kind of the plot of one of the greatest novels or YA and it was catching the right. It's a military school, which I forgot about till recently. I was like, oh, yeah, you fucking went to. I have to say, I never read it. And you would, I know, I would love it. You would love it based on that. And then based on that, that whole like, well, just say that's the whole tone. Like, well, just so you know, and it's like a bunch of phonies. He's constantly talking about phone. It's great. I've read Franny and Zoe, which is another show. Really? Okay. No, I mean, that's more tender. Yeah. Catching the rise like desperate. And that's what, like we were talking about earlier, that's where a lot of kids are. You're desperate to know. And I don't think my kids are desperate. I really don't. I mean, there might be some desperation that's unspoken to me. And there's always a sense of desperation that any human probably has. But I don't think they may, they don't necessarily feel it to the point where they are desperate to get that. They want to go to military school. Right. They used to make me run to the post office to pick up the mail. So we didn't get mail delivered to our house. There was a post office that was 19, again, it was 1930s. 1929. You knew Superman, right? Yes. Yes. The mail, the post office was a half a mile away. And they would make me run to the post office to get the mail and run home because I had so too much energy. We would go out on, here's the punishing thing on Sundays after church every Sunday. And then every Sunday we'd go to my grandmother's house and they'd all talk for an hour or two. And there's nothing to do. You can't go still explore. Then we'd go for a long car ride out in the country and our country square station wagon. And I'm sure I'd be torturing that fuck out of my brothers and sisters. They'd make me get out and run along the side of the car. That's how much energy. That's like, that's how exhausted they were. Like get the fuck out. They never said fuck, but get the fuck out of the car. Leave everyone alone and just, just run alongside the car. Yeah. My brother Tommy, I was before I was born, but apparently he fell out of a moving car. He fell out of the station wagon. Talking about impulsivity. I once, very young, opened the car door and put my foot down. Like I was going to go feel what it was like just to put your foot outside and feel along. Which we're all curious about. Look, you'd be a liar to say we're not all curious about that. You, did you do it? I put my foot out and my mom was like, what are you doing? I got, I probably got within two inches of, I was just kind of, you know. Yeah, you're just going to tap the road one. No, no, no, no, I'm just kidding. Well, at least they didn't want to kill you. Who knows? Yeah. I used to do a joke about, do you remember when there was this fad in the 80s when kids would fall down a well? They should bring that fad back. Yeah. But also, I haven't heard from wells. They just disappeared somehow. They finally filled them in. Fun with concrete, thank you. Something, something like that. I guess we should feel like we had, were they active wells? No, they would be, you know, wells that were just, that were old. And these are wells folks that are just two feet wide. And so kids would fall down. Can you imagine the horror? And then there'd be a week, though they'd be, the rescue team would be. Well, baby Jessica, right? I think that was the first one, right? Yeah, that was the, but also the horror doesn't sound any worse than what you were going through. I was down my own well. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah. Did you like it, though? You want more? Don't want to work? Would rather watch videos of me grab acid with people? First of all, go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says there's a high pressure system coming in. Although I'm not really used to the green screen.